


Meet the Family

by AnaChromystic



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Diners, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Family Drama
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-09-02 13:18:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 187,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8669182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnaChromystic/pseuds/AnaChromystic
Summary: Ellie Lavellan, 'when she can' artist and waitress, is pretty okay with her day job.  It's not what she expected to do with her life, but when does anyone's life go like they planned?  It keeps food on the table and on days when the customers are good, it's actually enjoyable.
Her manager's family?  They're the customers from hell.
It's one thing to serve them dinner, though, and it's another to suddenly find herself in their crosshairs.  Not a big deal?  Maybe not for most, but these people are richer than god and used to getting their way.
Luckily, there's a few things left in the world that money can't buy.





	1. Introductions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gently edited chapters will be going up until the end of December, when the whole 180kish fic will be up once more and available to be read in its entirety. 
> 
> Happy Holidays.
> 
> For those who have not read it, yes, this is the original Diner AU, which Schooling Pride is an alternate version of.

 

“Uuuuh...ex _cuse_ me?! Hel _lo_?” The call came with a particularly grating cadence and the slur of vocal fry, exasperated and snide.

Forcing a smile back onto her lips, she turned on a heel to face the full table, forcing her eyes wide to hide the irritated slit they seemed to want to sink into. She was confronted with a few stares of varying annoyance and disinterest, and one very impatient redhead, the woman who had spoken. She was tapping a long, sharp fake nail on the table. Click, click, click. It scraped down her spine.

“Good evening! Thanks for coming by to join us for dinner tonight! I'll just go get your waiter for you, if you can hold on just a minute!” Her teeth hurt from talking through her smile, but less than her feet were after a ten hour shift.

“Uuuuh...but you're right here? So just take our order already, would you? We know the manager, so please just do your job, _okay_? I wouldn't want to have to _talk_ to him?” The rise at the end of every sentence was starting to make her eye twitch, but so was the aggressively condescending stare. Really, she had the whole package.

They knew the manager. Of course they did, it took less than three seconds for her to figure out who they were. Not that he liked talking about them, but she'd taken phonecalls from what had to be this awful redhead before.

He'd called her his cousin, and then had apologized profusely. Now she understood why.

“Oh my fuckin'...Andruil, why you such a bitch?” The question came from across the table at her, from the rather bulky young elven man who still looked too old for the letterman jacket he was wearing. Slinging an arm over the back of his chair, he gave her a once-over that made her skin crawl, and then lifted his chin. “Hey, how you doin'. Why don't you put me down for a steak there, honey.”

Honey. Okay, right. She could feel her back teeth grinding together, as she smiled. Reaching down, she whipped out her notepad, succumbing to the inevitable. She got the table full of assholes, right.

“How would you like that, sir?” She asked in her best, most chirrupy voice, tilting her head to the side.

Andruil scoffed, rolling her eyes and slumping back in her chair as she folded her arms slowly, nails tapping on her arm.

“Rare. I like it juicy.” He said, grinning at her broadly and lifting his eyebrows. “And gimmie a potato with...OW!”

His head jerked around glaring at the suddenly-smug redhead across the table. His leg jerked under the table, and he kicked her back. Really put his weight into it, too, Ellie could practically see his chair rock.

“HEY!” She shrieked, and then glanced to the head of the table, sulking. “ _DA_ DDY, Falon'din is being a dick again!”

“Fuckin'...ugh, Andruil, you are such a baby. Seriously, how old are you again?”

The man sitting at the head of the table didn't look up from his newspaper, holding it about half of a foot from his face, steadily ignoring the rest of the table. She didn't blame him, right about now. The couple at the end seemed to be continuing an argument, but held in low, hissed whispers. Instead of trying them, she turned her gaze to a pale blonde dressed like she'd wandered out of a hippie commune. Designer hippie commune.

“What would you like, ma'am?” Ellie asked brightly, trying to catch her faded gaze.

“Uuuuh...” The woman started, in a misty, vague voice. “I'm so hungry. I mean, like...so hungry.”

Waiting for at least ten seconds, it finally became clear Ellie wasn't getting anything else out of her without some help. She stifled the urge to sigh, and made sure her smile was still plastered on.

“What would...you like to eat?” She asked again, a little slower this time.

“Oh! Uh...” The blonde's head tilted to the side, with a tumble of tangled curls and braids. “I guess...mashed potatoes? And some apple pie? But like...a lot of apple pie. Like two pieces? Is that organic?”

“No. No it's not...” She started, and then realized she wasn't paying attention any more.

Okay, sure. Sure. Apple pie and mashed potatoes. Whatever. Dutifully she recorded it, and glanced up again, just in time to meet the redhead's aggressive stare.

“You had better not be hitting on my girlfriend. Okay, girlie? Just...try to focus on your stupid little job, or whatever? I know the _manager_.” She was gesticulating with her words now, in a vaguely threatening manner. Like a bird bobbing its head around. “I want...this place is _so_ terrible. Just get me the ribs, okay?”

“Yes ma'am!” She chirruped. Okay, almost half down. Half down. She turned her gaze next to the young man sitting next to Falon'din, absorbed in his phone. “What about you, sir?”

A world-weary, exhausted gaze turned up towards her, ringed in black eyeliner and partially hidden by the flop of his hair. Also black, of course, much like his entire outfit.

“Coffee.” He slurred, as if the single word was far too much effort to let past his lips. And then he sighed, shoulders slumping.

“Okay, sir, would you like cream and s...” Ellie trailed off as the look of utter and complete disdain was turned on her, complete with a sneer.

“No.” He replied scornfully, and then turned back to his phone, rolling his eyes.

Ooooookay.

She moved down the table as Falon'din grabbed the other man in a headlock and started giving him a noogie, trying to ignore all the various degrees of fucked up family hatred going on there. For all the shit she was getting, the amount of hostility they were shooting at each other was just...heavy. This was going to be one of _those_ tables. Oh, when she got into the back, he was going to be in so much trouble for not warning her.

The bickering couple stopped arguing as she moved to their end of the table, offering her perkiest smile and tilting her head. The thin bleach-blonde gave her a brittle smile, and tilted her head to the side.

“Hi, sweetheart. Can we get a couple of salads, please? Now, that garden salad of yours, the dressing is low fat, right?” The nicest voice she'd heard yet, and the condescension oozed from it like grease out of a plate of fried chicken.

The husky, bearded man across the table from her looked like he was contemplating a divorce, or possibly suicide. Maybe both. Possibly at the same time.

“I can substitute the low fat dressing for you, ma'am, yes!” Ellie agreed with a rapid nod of her head. Fast as possible. Save her from these people.

“Greeeat. And no croutons!” The woman said with a smile, all sparkling white veneers, and then dropped it as her husband spoke.

“I think...I'd like a burger.” He supplied, gruffly.

“Red meat isn't good for your heart, June.” His wife scolded, and what would have sounded like concern from anyone else came out of her lips like a divine proclamation. “Remember what your doctor said!”

“He said my blood pressure was high, Sylaise, he didn't say it was from red meat! It's probably from you!” He retorted, and she took a step back as they began bickering, louder this time.

Okay. Okay, this was waaaay out of her pay grade. Quickly she scribbled down the order, and then added 'burger?' to the end. Manager would know what to do. Hopefully. He'd better, after not warning her about this.

The walk to the head of the table felt about as threatening as heading into the lair of a mafioso, the man seated there still hiding behind his newspaper, ignoring the burgeoning war occurring along the rest of the table. It was all bickering, and it was starting to make her head hurt. She'd barely been there five minutes, she couldn't imagine how it felt to live with it.

“Sir?” She asked timidly, uncertainly. “What would you care to order tonight?”

There was a long, growling sigh, and the paper rustled impatiently. The man behind it didn't look at her, and from the state of his menu, he probably hadn't looked at that, either.

“Meatloaf.” The response finally came, and she cringed a little, unable to help it. He sounded like he'd found her on the bottom of his shoe, and somehow she agreed with it. “And a damned whiskey.”

“Yes sir!” She responded brightly, turning on her heel and fleeing the area as quickly as she could. Save her from them. Save her. He was in SO much trouble.

They probably wouldn't even tip.

 

 

 

Bursting through the flimsy white swinging door, Ellie stormed through the kitchen, jaw set. She knew that she was being stared at, but right now she didn't care. He was in the office, making the schedule probably, and she pulled open the door, and then slammed it behind her.

Solas jerked in his seat, glancing up at her with wide eyes. She didn't give him time to recover, storming to the beat-up old desk and slapping her notebook on it. Bracing both hands on the surface, she leaned towards him, scowling.

“Solas...your family is here.” She informed him, slow and menacing.

His reaction was instant, jerking to his feet and lifting both hands in placation. Practically terrified. She straightened up, lips thinning to a line. It helped, a little. And honestly, she wasn't mad at him, but damned if she was going to stuck listening to the 'I know the manager' whinge without making him responsible for some of this.

She'd had a long fucking day.

“Ellana, I had absolutely no idea, I am so sorry. Truly, I am so sorry.” He stammered, as she glowered at him. “I will...”

“No. I'll do my job.” She replied, letting out a breath through her nose, scooping up the notebook and then waving a finger in his face. “I will do my job. But you...you owe me.”

His earnestly pained expression was almost enough to make her relax, but the thought of going back out again was stuck in the back of her throat. Hard to swallow. It'd only just started, and that was the problem. Giving a sigh, she turned around again, rubbing her forehead.

_Oh, wait._

Pausing, she turned back.

“Do I give...June a burger or not?” She asked, exhausted and exasperated all at once.

“Oh. No. But put in an order for one.” Solas replied, still seeming rather flustered. “I'll wrap it up and sneak it to him out back. I am so sorry, Ellana. Anything you need, I swear, I am eternally grateful.”

“Right, okay. Drug deal burgers. That's normal. That's completely normal.” She mumbled, pushing back through the door, "Everything's normal!"

It swung shut behind her, and she hid a faint smile as she moved to put in the order. Grateful, huh? She kind of liked him grateful. It might be worth putting up with his horrible family.

At least for tonight.

 


	2. Order Up

“Hate, hate hate hatehatehaaate...” The litany got Ellie through the door of the kitchen, kept her feet moving as she navigated her way to the stainless condiment table. The nerves and momentum were the difference between coping and collapsing, the later a shift got.

Three plastic cups shoved aside before she found hers, slurping at the cherry-laden cola as she flicked her eyes over the notepad in her other hand. Only four tables, which would be a disappointingly easy night if one of them wasn't the table from hell. Literally, she was pretty sure they'd ascended from beneath the floor with fire and brimstone. Whole nine yards.

The fact that they happened to be related to her manager, well, that just made it more fun.

' _Fun.'_

“Order up!” The call came from the front of the kitchen, and she sighed and took one last drink of cola before turning for the front. Some nights she ran on caffeine and sugar, and this was looking to be one of them.

“Tha~nk you, Cullen!”

The customer-friendly sing song spilled from her lips by rote, but Cullen just laughed tiredly, wiping his hands on a towel. She made a little face at him as she loaded up her tray, checking each entree as it slid aboard.

“You sure you've got all that, Ellie? I can call Josie.” He offered, and she gave an exasperated little sigh that made him hold up both hands defensively, “All right, all right! Enough said.”

“I don't want to inflict these assholes on anyone else.” Ellie said, giving him a little grin before turning to hip check open the swinging door. “Trust me...it's that bad.”

She caught his sympathetic little grimace before she turned on her toes, sliding through the door before it swayed back against her. The tray was precarious enough without getting swatted on the...

Startled, she bounced a little on her toes as a hand groped her rear end in passing, still wet from...what she hoped was the bathroom sink.

_Please let it be the bathroom sink._

So focused on keeping the tray balanced, and in so much shock, she just stood there as he stepped past her, until the moment for a comeback had passed. Mother _fucker_. Her eyes tracked Falon'Din as he returned to the table, tugging up the neck of his letter jacket as he slumped back into his seat. She couldn't see his face, but she could _feel_ the grin. Smug. Oh so smug. And now she had a wet hand print on her ass. At least she was wearing black pants.

Technically at this point she could probably refuse them service, and if Josie had noticed she probably would have, but...eh. Not worth it, just better to get it done with and move on. She wasn't gonna let one little sexist pissant ruin her night.

Forcing a smile back to her lips, she headed for the long table and began passing out plates, sliding them neatly in front of people. It was difficult to ignore Andruil's glare boring a hole in the side of her face, but she did her best.

She remembered what went where as she always did, with her own made-up names. The mockery made the night go faster when faced with jerks.

Salads for thin and brittle and the unhappy husband, with low cal dressing on the side, of course. Poor June looked like he was considering offing himself or making a run for it again. Dark and emo still had his coffee he was brooding over, mashed potatoes for pale and dipsy. Don't look at her of course, because otherwise Andruil will think you're trying to _fuck_ her or something...

Steak for the ape with wandering hands, ribs for red and pointy...Andruil glared as she slid a plate in front of her, but she ignored it, keeping her plastic smile. Meatloaf for the mob boss at the head of the table. He already had his drink, and she noted it was nearly empty.

“Stupid bimbo.” Andruil snidely murmured as she moved onward.

Carefully she slid the plate close to the newspaper, fighting back her rage, and then cleared her throat.

“Keep your drink filled, sir?” A big assumption, but considering the family he seemed stuck dealing with...

“Yes.” He intoned curtly, and she nodded her head and stepped back. Or at least, she tried to escape, tucking the tray under her arm.

“Excuse me, sweetheart...” Sylaise spoke up, voice syrupy and dripping with hollow pleasantry, her eyes looking right past Ellie, like she wasn't even there. “This is iceberg lettuce? Now...when I ask for a garden salad, I'm looking for something a little different. Can we try again?”

We.

 _We_?!

How could two fucking letters hold so much condescension?

Were her teeth grinding? She was fairly sure that they were, as she forced a toothy smile.

“Of course, ma'am. Whatever you need!” Ellie promised perkily, turning on a heel and striding off.

The door swung open under her hand and she stormed through it, smile falling immediately once she was in the sanctuary of the kitchen. She could feel people recoiling as she marched through, and frankly? She didn't care. Yes, this was out of character, and yes, she usually didn't let this shit get to her, but there were so damn _many_ of them! And every single one of them was apparently worse than the next!

The walk-in jerked open under her hand, and she slammed it shut behind her as she stalked into the reassuring cold. It stabbed through her throbbing temples and she slumped against an icy metal rack, letting the chill seep in through her shirt, into her skin. It was bracing, but more than that, it pushed back the beginnings of a headache.

“Do these fucking assholes not know what a garden salad is?” She asked the hum of the cooler, and then closed her eyes with a sigh, a cloud of breath that fogged the air.

She had barely started to relax when she heard the door open, letting in a flutter of warm air, and then closing it out again. Ellana didn't open her eyes, waiting patiently until they bothered to talk, or until her mind managed to puzzle out who it was.

“I...am sorry.” Solas remarked, voice awkwardly apologetic, and she sighed heavily. “I can still...”

“Do what? Go out there and tell them I'm scared of them?” She replied, slitting her eyes open halfway. That stupid too-skinny tie. She knew it was technically uniform, but he was the only manager who wore it. Why did she find it so funny? “I said I'd do it, didn't I? But if your cousin grabs my ass again...”

“He did what?!” His abrupt rage surprised her almost as much as it amused her, and he relaxed a little at the laughter it roused from her, “Ellana, I...”

Why that was funny, she couldn't say, but it was. He was angry? If anyone had a right to be angry, it was her. Surprisingly, though, his getting pissed took the burden off her shoulders, draining away the rage. It gave her back some of her calm, and maybe just enough humor to get through this.

“Cheesecake, Solas. You're buying me a cheesecake, and you're going to share it with me.” She threatened, smiling again as he blinked in surprise and subsided. “That's my terms. It will be only thing keeping me from hunting down Sera and bumming a cigarette. Now, I have to figure out how to make your aunt a garden salad that doesn't involve iceberg lettuce.”

“Spinach. She'll be all right with spinach.” He supplied, and she sighed in relief, tugging out her hair elastic to rake fingers through her tresses, and then tug them back up again. “I...I will put the cake on the second shelf, next to the tomato sauce.”

“I hate your family.” She sighed to him, tightening her ponytail, feeling it tug back the edges of her forehead, reminding her that the headache could come back any time, “And I only just met them. How does someone as amazing as you...come out of that?”

Maybe not the thing to say to her boss, but it was pretty damn baffling. Now that she'd finally gotten him to relax around her a little bit, she liked him more and more as the weeks went on. Well, she'd always liked looking at him, but he'd used to be so cold that she'd thought he'd hated her. Him warming up to her had been a really nice surprise.

Ellie finally glanced at him when the silence went on too long, lifting both brows at the flush to his face. Her head tilted slowly to the side as he cleared his throat, settling the cuffs of his shirt. The smile on her lips tugged left, into a grin.

“Did I just embarrass you?” She asked coyly, the little surge of warmth in her stomach helping with the frustration. “Uh...oh.”

“Ellana...” He protested, as she dissolved into slow laughter, which only seemed to make his discomfort all the worse. “That's enough, I'll...just...spinach, please, and I will...the cheesecake. The schedule needs handling...I need to...”

The walk-in door opened as he backpedaled frantically, and she watched him go, trying not to look too smug. Well...that was an interesting development. Not that she hadn't been interested on some level, but he'd been so standoffish before that she just assumed it was doomed to failure. She at least waited until the door closed to laugh to herself again, turning to hunt down the spinach.

It was the little things that made the suffering more bearable, really. Like the fact that she'd discovered that Solas was a _blusher._ Holy shit...she felt like a kid in a candy store all of a sudden

 

 

The pleasant mood lasted as she delivered 'acceptable' salads back to blonde and brittle and the poor shell of a man that was her husband. She managed to discreetly pass him a note while Sylaise was distracted by performing an autopsy on her spinach salad. Solas had sent it, of course, only compounding the whole ridiculous farce that was 'sneak June a cheeseburger'.

It was one part of tonight that she wasn't begrudging at this point. Frankly, if she'd had to deal with that shrill harpy voice every day of her life, she'd probably be engaging in near-illegal activities to get her hands on red meat, too.

Sylaise found three things wrong with her salad, because of course she did.

For some reason Ghilan'nain was not eating her dinner, but sculpting it, prodding the mashed potatoes with her fork and fingers. It was actually vaguely interesting, if disturbing, but pausing to observe the process got her a rather nasty 'ah-HEM' from the girlfriend.

“Do you want me to call your _manager_?”

“What the fuck's your problem, huh?” Falon'Din asked Andruil, sneering at her. “Lay off sweetcheeks there, she's just doin' her job.”

Sweetcheeks. She wasn't aware she'd gone back in time. Good to know.

“You people disgust me.” Dirthamen declared in a dead, ennui-laden voice as the two started kicking each other under the table again, and Ellana took that as her signal to escape once more.

Dorian was keeping the patriarch's glass filled, and that was good enough for her. For some reason, he was the one she didn't want to piss off, and from the way the rest of them avoided bothering him...she felt that was a fair assessment.

She cashed out two tables and then fled for the kitchen again, feet aching. Cullen's questioning look just got a shake of her head, as she retreated to the walk in. Cheesecake? Hopefully he'd remembered. Please let him have remembered.

Shoving her tip folder into her apron, she swung the door closed and made for the nearest shelf, sagging in relief as she found it. Yes. Cheesecake. It was only half-thawed, but she didn't care, shucking off the plastic top. He'd left forks, because of course he was the kind of person who remembered forks.

And it was caramel pecan, with a drizzle of chocolate. Oh fuck.

He was lucky he wasn't there right now, because she was feeling _grateful_. And not just toe-curling kiss grateful, but edging towards sloppy blowjob grateful. Closing her eyes, she crammed the first bite in her mouth.

 _Fuck yes_.

Normally she wouldn't even claim to be that big on sweets, but something about work and stress just brought it out in her. Especially stress. An easy way to drain the tank, fool her brain into thinking about sugary bliss instead of terrible people. She was sucking the third bite off her fork when he ducked in, looking rather red and annoyed himself.

Her mouth was full, so she didn't bother saying anything as he stared at her. Instead, she just dragged the fork down the side of the cheesecake, scooped off a large bite, and offered it over to him. Lifting her free hand, she crooked a finger in a little come-hither, lips quirking up into a little smile.

_Ah...there was that blush._

 

Almost made it worth it

 


	3. Cheesecake

Ellie's plan had backfired, horribly, a fact which she'd become aware of the instant Solas took the first bite of the cheesecake. Took the bite right off of the fork she was holding. Tease or no, she hadn't actually expected him to _do_ it. She relinquished the fork quickly, and he caught it as she released it, straightening back up.

Okay, so he liked cheesecake too. That's what she'd figured out so far tonight. Good...good to know. And...they only needed one fork. Also good. Yep. Good.

She wondered when her brain would start working again.

_Holy shit, that mouth._

“Is...everything all right?” Okay, he'd stopped with the fork halfway between his lips. She could deal with this, it was okay. Okay, right, good.

There was a little bit of cheesecake on his lower lip, and some part of her brain that controlled things below the waist was suggesting she try licking it off.

“Sure...slugger...” She managed, as her mind screamed protest. One hand curled into a small fist, and she gave him a nudge on the shoulder. What was she doing? _What in the hell was she doing_? “I'll...catch ya later. Got work to do, you know?”

He stared at her in confusion as she escaped out of the walk in, even less gracefully than he had earlier, stumbling and bumbling. Right now she really wished she was religious, because nothing had prepared her for the sort of swearing she needed for this situation.

Sugar wasn't cutting it any more. It just...wasn't. She needed help.

 

 

The bar wasn't so much a bar as it was an alcove of sadness, made of beat up wood and bad choices. They only kept it around so they could advertise as having one, as far as she could tell.

“Hey, Samson.” She told the drunk at the end of the bar, and he just groaned as she leaned across a stool. “Dorian. Help. Help, Dorian.”

“The cry of a lost generation.” He sighed, even as he reached for a shot glass and poured her a double of vodka. “Here you are, Ellie! You know, I haven't seen you this flustered since we had the entirety of Our Holy Lady's bingo jamboree come in for pancakes, spite, and cocktails. Those old bats were something special, weren't they?”

“This is worse. This is worse and Solas' cousin grabbed my ass and he got upset about it and then...mouth.” She replied, and then downed the shot in the hopes that the bottom of the glass contained clarity. She knew it contained burning, at least, as it scorched down her throat and pooled in her stomach. Setting the shot down with a click, she slid it back across the counter. “Bleh. I'll pay you out of my tips later.”

“They really are horrible, aren't they? In an amusing sort of way. I sort of figured they'd all be different shades of utterly dull, like him.” Dorian responded fingers tucked musingly under his chin, and then smiled triumphantly under her glare. “Aha, caught you. I knew it!”

“Mouth. He has a...mouth, Dorian.” She groaned, thumping her forehead against the edge of the wood, and instantly regretting it as she felt strands of hair stick. “I want to do unspeakable things to it. We're not just talking sinful, we're talking blasphemous. I want to blaspheme all over him. The things I want to do, would make Isabela say, 'are you sure that isn't going a bit far?' I...”

“Stop. Please stop.” Dorian begged, lifting both hands as she peered up at him, lifting her head. “It's not that I don't enjoy your verbal incontinence and your intent to start a torrid love affair with the elven equivalent of a brown paper sack, but I'm fairly certain if you say anything further he'll appear behind you at the worst possible moment...and I don't think I'm really feeling up for being in the middle of a terrible romantic comedy tonight, dear.”

“That was some good patter, though. You sure you don't feel like being the wise-cracking, overly exasperated friend?” She mumbled, as he poured another shot and passed it to her, patting her on the head.

“Be a good girl, drink your vodka, and go back to work before those horrible people come bother me or Josie.” Dorian ordered, turning back to the sink.

“Yes, dad.” She responded with a sigh, tossing back the second shot, this time without coughing. The burn felt a little better, too. Yes, she could do this. All right.

“Hey, if you're lookin' for a date...”

“Shut up, Samson.” Dorian snapped, and then let out a breath through his nose as the drunk glared blearily at him. “Don't give me that look, you don't tip well enough to get smart with me.”

Their back and forth bitching actually managed to get a laugh from her, before she settled herself and went in for round three. Shrugging her shoulders back, lifting her chin, she put on her best fake smile and headed back for the dining room with alcohol stiffening her spine.

It wouldn't be too long. They couldn't eat forever.

 

 

 

Drink refills should _not_ be that difficult.

Retreating yet again from the dining room, Ellie slammed her way into the walk-in so quickly that she didn't realize Solas was in there until too late. Okay, that was fine. Frustration and a slightly light head demanded a sugar sacrifice. It must have shown on his face, because he silently offered the fork in his hand to her. There was still cheesecake on it, and she wasn't feeling like any more effort than necessary.

“Did you...seriously...sneak him the burger in the _bathroom_?” She asked, before latching herself onto the fork like a fish on a hook.

“I...know it violates several health codes.” He began, flustered apparently by her eating the bite from his hand instead of taking the fork. She didn't care, releasing it and gesturing expectantly. “But I am far more concerned with avoiding any possible altercations. Why are you making me feed you?”

“Shh. Just go with it.” She ordered, grinning as he cut her another bite, finding his apparent willingness to be pushed around nearly hilarious in her current state. “His wife's out there complaining about how long he's taking and threatening to put him on a colon cleanse diet. In front of everyone.”

“I am not surprised.” He admitted, and she circumvented his attempt to hand her the fork by side-stepping and latching on again, hiding a grin. “Ellana, please...that really...is not appropriate.”

Hard to resist the urge to take her time about it, but she attempted to be good, mouth sliding off of the fork quickly. She chewed, staring at him as he kept the utensil extended to her expectantly.

“But I want to...” She playfully pouted when her mouth was free at last, vodka and having the upper hand again making her bold. “Don't be mean to me, don't forget, I'm putting up with your family. I'm pretty sure Andruil's going to use a high heel to stake my heart, honestly.”

“You're using my guilt against me.” He pointed out stiffly, and then sighed as she stuck her lower lip out a little further.

“You like it.” She replied in a lazily playful voice, grin fading at the suddenly intense look he turned on her, teeth slowly releasing her bottom lip, letting it slide free.

Oh. Well...that was a _look_ , wasn't it? Sort of a...melt your stomach and drop your panties kind of look. The word smolder probably would have crossed her mind if she had one any more. The fact that she now knew he was capable of it made her wonder how _else_ she could get him look at her like that.

“I...” His gaze was pulled down to her mouth, and damn it.

_Damn it._

The stupid tie twisted up in her hand so easily it would have been a crime not to tug him with it, and he was surprised enough to stumble towards her. He might have tried to say something, but he was just barely high enough up now that she could get an arm around his neck. She kept a hand on his tie, because removing it would have required more mental energy than she had right in that moment.

And then their lips met.

She was five seconds into kissing him when she realized he wasn't returning it. Stiff as a board and awkwardly poised, and he wasn't...returning it. Immediately both hands dropped, eyes widening as she pulled back, trying to give him some space.

“I...sorry, I must have mis...I'm sorry...” She stammered frantically, mind holding nothing but a litany of cursing, overwhelming all conscious thought.

She'd fucked up. Big time.

“I...I'm sorry, I'll...” She took a half step back, turning towards the door when his hand wrapped around her upper arm and yanked her back in.

Oh...okay.

This time his mouth was hot and greedy and she was pretty sure not even the vodka had felt that good. He didn't fucking kiss, he devoured, pressing his advantage until her back hit cold metal, and she remembered to reach for him, too. The front of his shirt twisted under her hands as he impatiently tugged the elastic out of her ponytail and then buried his fingers in her hair.

The little tug against her scalp wasn't necessary to keep her there, but it roused new little tickles of pleasure, making her squirm and him groan against her. The fierce hunger of his lips left hers feeling bruised, the throb of her pulse felt against his mouth. She could feel it thundering in her veins. Frantic, messy, their tongues tangled together even as he pulled back, licking across her trembling lower lip as she breathed in a quick shudder.

The motion of it drew his attention, and he kissed his way down the center of her throat, her hands leaving his shirt for the back of his neck as he moved. The spot just above her chest was just a little too ticklish, skin shivering as a small laugh escaped her throat. She almost froze as the sound spilled out, worried then that she'd broken it, that she'd made him realize that this was a terrible idea.

Worried that she'd brought back reality.

They both just breathed for a moment, heavy and fogging the cold air, and then she felt him smile against her skin, rousing another laugh.

“Don't!” She protested, as he exhaled against the sensitive skin, making her jump a little, nerves crawling. “Stop it...”

The pout didn't work like it had last time, but he only teased her one more time. Though, maybe the curious, testing bite had been _intended_ to be a tease, it sure didn't end up being one as his teeth caught the sensitive skin. It didn't make her laugh. He stilled at the little inadvertant moan that escaped her lips, and then gave a small laugh of his own, awkward this time.

“I...am sorry.” He murmured, and she let out a heavy breath, managing to meet his eyes as he lifted his head. Cheeks red from more than the cold and the kiss, her head tilted in towards his hand as he raked his fingers through her hair. “I ah...must admit I was not expecting that.”

“Me...” Why was she so tongue tied? Damn it. She was the one who started it. “Me either. Sorry. I guess I should have said something instead of just trying to shove my tongue down your throat. Uh...”

“I'm not complaining, I assure you. Though...I am fairly certain I am supposed to be working.” He swatted her hand away with a flush as she tugged the edge of his shirt out of his waistband. “Ellana, stop that.”

She couldn't help herself, she was just feeling so...so smug right now.

“You're the one playing with my hair.” She pointed out, and he glanced down in surprise at his own hand, as if it'd betrayed him. “Well, I didn't say stop!”

She laughed, and finally he chuckled as well, though the blush remained. Good. She liked it there.

“Work.” He repeated, a little more firmly as he pulled back and started tucking in his rumpled shirt.

“Fine, but on one condition.” She sighed, moving to bend down, fishing her hair elastic out from under a shelf.

She could _feel_ him staring. Oh, he liked that, did he? Good to know. She wriggled her rear end a little, and he let out a sigh that almost sounded like a growl.

Yep, he liked that.

_Nice._

“What condition?” He finally asked as she took pity and stood up.

“If Sera gets smoke breaks, I get you breaks.” She told him cheekily, and then laughed and slipped out while he was still staring at her.

Five minutes or so every other hour? Not ideal, but enough to get her through the rest of the night, she hoped. And maybe tomorrow night. And the night after.

 

Hmm, yeah, she could get used to that

 


	4. Mother and Daughter

Once free of the walk-in, the cocky confidence died, and the embarrassment started. Pleased embarrassment, but somewhat awkward to deal with as she pretended to have composure, heading back for the dining room. Twisting her hair up more securely, she was incredibly thankful Cullen was so busy, pushing through the swinging door without being noticed.

Luckily, no one was waiting to grab her ass this time, the table still full as she surveyed the dining room to her right.

“Excuse me! Doesn't anyone _work_ around here?” The call came from the front of the restaurant, with Josie absent from the hostess' stand.

She must have been seating someone. Ellie sighed, straightening her shirt one last time before moving to deal with it. There was no point trying to hide the flush she could feel in the tips of her ears, because that was going nowhere. She was still thinking about that little noise he'd made when she'd bent over, and...

Her gaze met that of a woman with steel-grey, perfectly coiffed hair and an expression of utter disdain, leaning against the podium.

“I'm sorry, ma'am. The hostess must be seating some guests. What can I do for you?” She asked, keeping her best chirpy customer service voice. The look it got her was positively withering, soul-piercing.

“My dear, I don't have time for your _facade_.” The word rolled over her tongue with exceptional grace, intimidating and yet somehow less unpleasant than anyone else she'd dealt with tonight. “Just show me to my table, if you would be so kind. This place is so...quaint, isn't it?”

“Who are you meeting, ma'am?” It was hard not to shrink under that cool amber stare, and she was reminded of the 'mob boss' holding court over his terrible...oh. Well, she didn't really need the answer to that question any more, did she?

“A whole bunch of assholes.” The languid slur came with a hint of disgust, as the woman pushed off the podium, adjusted her doubtlessly incredibly expensive jacket, and then started walking. “Martini, my dear. Make it a double, two olives, dry as the goddamn western approach.”

“Yes, ma'am.” She murmured, as the woman swept past her, heels clacking sharply. It seemed like she hadn't needed anyone to show her to the table after all. And she went...yep, unerringly to the table from hell. Yay.

It seemed hell had found its queen.

She stopped only briefly to put in the drink order at the bar after attending to her tables, Dorian eyeing her with open suspicion. She had no time to be answering prying questions, though. There was someone with the answers she sought. Maybe it was an excuse to see him, but at least it was a good one.

She had to know if the new arrival was friend...or foe.

By the time Dorian had opened his mouth she waved him off, staggering back and attempting to slink her way back to the kitchen without being sidetracked. The trips into the walk in hadn't gone unnoticed, but she had bigger fish to fry.

She almost made it, the door literally five feet to her left as a hand reached out and slammed her back.

The wall thumped against her shoulder blades as a piercing stare pinned her, red and pointy glaring down into her face. She tried not to shrink, but it was hard when a predator was sizing you up like a piece of meat. Ellie finally cringed back as the other woman leaned in, her breath heavy as she sighed.

“You know, I've noticed you looking. Okay? I get it.” Andruil disgustedly offered, one knife-edged fake nail dragging strands of hair out of her ponytail. “I do. I'm...well, I'm used to it.”

Help. _Help_.

“Listen...it's _almost_ cute, okay? But...you're just not my type.” Relief surged over her, and she hadn't realized it'd overtaken her face until Andruil's eyes narrowed. Menacingly. “I know you're super broken up...”

It was a threat, and she nodded quickly, trying to look sad. Sad, oh so sad that she wasn't attracted to terrible, paranoid bitches with horrible taste in accessories. It was her best acting job of the night, if she said so herself. Eventually Red shoved her one last time against the wall and then released her, smoothing back her short, sleek hair.

“Good. Just making sure...” Andruil sneered, staring at her rather oddly as she stepped back, lifting her chin arrogantly. “That you knew where you stood. Bitch.”

The little slur on the last word was affected, coming with a little lift of her chin as the woman turned away. She probably meant it to be scornful, sweeping, but the effect was ruined by her glancing over her shoulder about five times on her way to the dining room.

_Oh shit._

If she didn't know any better, she'd think Andruil was...giving her puppy dog eyes. Terror froze her chest for a moment, breath catching in her throat.

No.

Oh _hell_ no.

Spinning away from the wall, she pelted through the kitchen again, this time so fast she nearly slammed into Sera, carrying a stack of dishes.

“Sorry! Sorry, sorry!” She stammered frantically, spinning around the cursing blonde and then dodging past her, ignoring Cullen's questioning shout.

The office door burst open under her palm, and she immediately turned to force it shut, ignoring Solas' startled jerk up from his seat. Leaning her head against the wood, she breathed heavily for a few moments, trying to compose herself.

“...What did he do this time?” The question came from behind her, warily, and she gave a little laugh, straightening up. It was not a happy laugh.

“Oooh, no. No. If only. I can deal with spoiled frat boys, Solas.” She turned to face him, and found him disorientingly close, all concern and...mouth. Her eyes were drawn to it, and suddenly she forgot why she was upset.

“Ellana.” He warned as she reached for the dumb, skinny tie, winding it around her hand. He might have scolded, but he still stepped in, so she wasn't very convinced.

“Andruil was eyeing me.” She informed him, and he blinked, expression suddenly turning worried. “Yeah. Pinned me to a wall and I think she tried to flirt with me. She's _really_ bad at it. Catastrophically bad.”

“Did she hurt you?”

That was his first question? She was simultaneously melting and intensely worried, all at the same time. It was adorable and sort of gooey stomach-squirmingly pleasurable that he cared, but on the other hand...what the hell had she done to deserve that sort of panic? Not a normal response at all.

“Nooo...” She finally managed, wrapping the tie around her hand one more time, tugging him a little closer. Fish on a hook. “Is she going to?”

“It has happened before. Can you...give your table to someone else?” He asked it as if he knew the answer, because she was the only one that would put up with this. And right now, she was only putting up with it because...mouth. And the lips that came with it.

And the tongue.

“No...” She murmured against his mouth, which had somehow ended up against hers. How did that happen? It was a mystery.

He was probably thinking about protesting, but somehow it never got that far. Luckily, she found she could let go of the tie because he was melting over her and pinning her to the door. At least, he had most of her pinned, though his hands somehow squirmed in to grope her ass, cupping with his palms and dragging her in.

Hmm, yes, okay. He definitely had a preference there.

It was as hot as she'd remembered, hungry and demanding, his tongue dragging over hers as their lips met. His hips pushed her back into his hands, bodies writhing against each other, her breath shuddering into his mouth.

If she had a brain to think with, that wasn't absorbed in the positively _savage_ makeouts, she would probably be trying to remind herself to mention the new arrival. But then he _bit_ the corner of her mouth, and when he was still trying to mumble an apology she dug her fingers into his perfect jawline and dragged him in.

It felt so good, crushing lips together, tongues twisted up and exploring each other, a drag of teeth now and again. The lack of finesse was almost embarrassing, but he was just so fucking incredible and she couldn't stop herself. She had absolutely no hope of playing it cool.

She wanted to eat him up.

She felt like a damn hormonal teenager, which was simultaneously mortifying and positively thrilling. It all just felt so...naughty and forbidden.

Which, well, it was, really. They were both on the clock, and it was technically her boss digging his fingers into the cheek of her ass and massaging. But, to be fair, he'd inflicted his terrible family on her. A little butt-grabbing was the least he could do.

Her reverie was interrupted by an abrupt press of his thigh between her legs, hitting exactly the right spot to make her stiffen and moan. His cheeks painfully flushed, he immediately pulled back, their lips parting with a wet, lurid noise.

“I am sorry...” He murmured, already leaning back in as she sighed and slumped, only to stop an inch away from her cheek. “How exactly do you do that to me? I am fairly sure I told myself I would actually do my job for the rest of the night.”

“Needed the distraction.” She murmured, tilting her head as he leaned in to kiss the edge of her jaw. “The table's only getting bigger...”

She felt him go stiff, head pulling up again as he stared down into her eyes. Normally she'd enjoy that, he did have absolutely gorgeous eyes, but he looked...spooked.

“What? What do you mean?” He asked, alarm in his voice, hands stilling.

“A person I can only assume is the matriarch showed up. I've seen those shoes. They were like...two thousand dollar shoes...” She replied, trying and failing to acquire another kiss. “Hey. What?”

“You mean...Mythal is here? Perfect hair, gold eyes, terrifyingly strident voice?”

She almost laughed at the rather awkwardly accurate description, but he seemed so...worried.

“Yeah. Hey, it's fine. What's one more?” She replied blithely, so much less concerned now that his hands were on her butt. She was a simple creature, really.

“Perhaps I should just pull the fire alarm.” He groaned, straightening up.

“I'll be fine! I survived Andruil and the Falon'Din butt grab, after all. Speaking of, is being an ass man a family trait, or...” She teased, sighing as he began to withdraw. “Oh, come on, I'm sorry. It was just a joke.”

“No, I am just...I don't wish to inflict them on you.” He confessed, turning away until she caught the crook of his elbow. For a moment he resisted, before turning back. Her worried eyes met his conflicted ones.

“It's fine. I'll do my job...but if it's gonna be as bad as you say, I'm adding a clause to our agreement. Okay?” She grinned, trying to tease some of that fretful concern from his face. It almost worked, which made her brave enough to finish. “Come over tonight. My roommate works till like two in the morning, so it'll be quiet. Movies and butter pecan ice cream?”

“You...want me to go to your apartment?” He asked, suddenly looking rather adrift, and she resisted the urge to grab his cheeks and drag him back in.

How had she mistaken this for disinterest for so long? Fuck. She could have been enjoying this for ages. He was just so...

“Yes, I want you to come over.” She sighed, grabbing one of his hands in both of hers, and lifting it to her lips. “But only if I survive. Still gotta get through the rest of the night. Without my manager finding out I've been fraternizing. Pretty sure it's against the employee code of conduct.”

“I believe...that I am your manager.” He pointed out, thumb stroking across her lower lip as she planted another small kiss.

“Well, then I guess I'm fucked. Except I've got some blackmail material about him passing burgers in the bathroom.” She teased, giving his hand a small squeeze and then dropping it. “Relax. They couldn't possibly stick around for that much longer.”

“Famous last words?” He asked, as they finally managed to disentangle, though she could still feel his hands and lips everywhere they'd touched.

“If they are, I expect you to get revenge for me.” She teased, blowing a small kiss before slipping out to face reality again.

It got harder every time.

 

_Heh. Innuendo._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To enhance the experience, please read all Mythal's lines in Lucille Bluth's voice.
> 
> I apologize for being so quiet, life is VERY hectic right now. I will be trying to update SP this week, and I will try to respond to all comments. <3 All my loves.


	5. Butterfly

Breathe.

_Remember to breathe._

It was hard to at the moment because she was getting revenge on Solas' horrible cousin, and revenge tasted awfully sweet and kept getting flustered. The sayings never tell you that part of it. They also said it was best served cold, but he was awfully warm. The walk in was pretty chilly, though, so that'd have to be good enough.

For some reason, though, he was pulling back. That wasn't fair. After she finished gasping she leaned in, but all she could reach was his chin. Or his neck. Hmmmh. She found his hand on her shoulder holding her back.

“Fifteen minutes are mandated by the state...” She reminded him drowsily, discreetly reaching down to tug the edge of his shirt out of his pants. She kept doing that. It was funny. She was becoming aware that she was sort of an asshole.

Surprisingly? Okay with that.

“Can we please...talk about this?” Talking was the thing that interfered with kissing, and she wasn't feeling terribly up for that, but on the other hand, she actually _liked_ him.

Enough to actually let him talk. A little. At least as long as it didn't lead anywhere but bed.

“You make my brain basically non-functional.” She admitted, still sneakily tugging out the corner of his shirt. “But I guess I can take a stab at it.”

“I...appreciate that your solution to being angry at my cousin is to...well, this.” He sounded a little upset. Her hand stilled, and she frowned and glanced up into his face at last. “But...”

Okay, she'd screwed up again. What had she done? Besides...well, okay, drag him in here and shove her tongue down his throat. Again. Umh...

“Should I stop?” She finally asked, a little nervously. Well, obviously she should stop, they were working, but that wasn't a good enough reason right now. If he didn't want to, on the other hand...

Had she pushed him too hard?

“I...enjoy your company. I have, for some time, even if I didn't say so. I know that is...” He stopped, and she waited, confusion settling in. “Perhaps not your intention. If so, I apologize. I simply cannot say that this is all I want, and so if it is...your intention, I am going to have to ask that we...refrain from anything further.”

“Oh...” She started, after a moment to process, pleasure rising, head dipping down for a moment as a laugh ghosted across her lips. “Right. Probably feels like I'm using you like...unh...well, the words 'piece of meat' come to mind.”

“A bit.” He agreed, and she laughed, forehead bumping into his chest as she collapsed forward. “Have...I misread you?”

“I do sort of want to use you. Like, every which way. Even ways I hadn't considered before because they were _so_ not my taste. Except when they involve you they...umh...” She stopped as that thought went to...well, strange places. Verbal incontinence, right. The ghost of Dorian stared disapprovingly. “I...like you, it's you that I want to kiss, not just...anybody. I mean, _you_ , all...of it. Apparently in a way that would make teenage me despair of how uncool I was being. Stupid as hell and stumbling, and...I can't even think of what to say so I just kiss you, and...I feel like shit if that made you feel...like shit.”

Stupid, it was stupid, but she couldn't think of anything more intelligent to say.

“This is why I don't talk, y...” She started, before her mouth was abruptly busy.

The edge of the metal shelf hit her hip a little hard, but she welcomed it, because she needed the stability all of a sudden. Her feet weren't touching the floor any more. Normally that would be worrying, but both of his arms were around her waist, and hers were around his neck. Well, he was stronger than she'd realized.

His lips bruised, but hers bit, indulging in the slow roll of his skin under her teeth. It felt good, soft and it made him squirm. She was sort of starting to like that, especially when he pressed in against her thigh, and...okay, still at work, still at...s _hit_ that was nice.

The sudden blast of warm air washed over them, and shocked silence filled the air. And then a noise of utter disgust.

_Oh no._

“Frigging sick.” Sera intoned slowly, voice a mixture of amused and horrified. “Solas. Some old bitch's sayin' she wants you to talk to her. Hostess stand. Y'know. Also? The break room is way better for fuckin' in. Your arse don't get so cold.”

Silence for a moment, judgmental and searching. Okay, this gossip had about negative five minutes to impact.

The door swung shut slowly, and she remained tense for a few moments before the sheer ridiculousness of it all overtook her, and she started laughing hysterically. They were _screwed._

“Wait, people are...having sex in the break room?” Solas asked, and her laughter grew all the more sharp, leaving her breathless, gasping for air.

Her feet found the floor again, as he settled her down, carefully, tension in her chest easing. Penitently, she reached out to gently tuck his shirt back in, trying not to indulge too long in it. Also maybe don't look too far south, as it was...distracting. The small flick of her gaze couldn't be helped, or the little laugh afterwards, almost starting it all over again. He stared at her a moment, and then looked down.

There was the blush again.

The mirth was stifled as he turned around and away abruptly to adjust, a hand splaying across her mouth. If she was a blusher, she'd probably be doing so as well, but the wicked amusement remained. At least she had solid physical evidence that he was pretty damn interested.

“Are you coming over tonight?” She asked at last, oddly pleased with herself. “You...don't have to. And nothing has to happen if you come over. You know. But I'm kind of starting to feel like...maybe taking it slow isn't a viable option. For us.”

“It appears not.” He sighed, fixing his shirt with a tug. “I...let me deal with this? And closing. And then we can discuss it.”

Okay, that wasn't what she was expecting. She could almost feel him pulling away. It hurt a little, but ...well, old bitch waiting for him. She assumed that was the matriarch, and that bothered him. He was starting look like a man anticipating a firing squad as he straightened up. Something bigger on his mind.

“Sure. Of course.” She offered a smile as he glanced at her, before turning for the door. “No problem...”

He strode for the door, letting out a quiet breath as he disappeared, letting it swing closed.

“No problem.” She repeated, faintly.

 

 

Closing went smoothly, though the stares followed. She did her work, despite Josie trying to corner her no less than four times. The woman was persistent, but she knew if she dished, the other owner would know within twenty minutes. And if anyone was going to tell Leliana, it would be Solas. His choice.

Then again, it was probably fooling herself to assume Leli didn't already know. She'd found out about Sera and Dagna within like...fifteen minutes. The best she could hope for was everyone pretending they didn't know. Ew, did that mean Sera's bare ass had been on the break room table?

Okay, she wasn't eating in there any more. Heh...eating in...

 _Stop._ Stop it.

It was concern that brought her to the office, after she'd clocked out, she knew he'd holed up taking care of the money. He usually came out at least a couple times, so it was pretty telling that he hadn't. The door swung open, and she slipped in, trying to keep quiet so as not to interrupt him.

She didn't need to bother, he was sitting with his head in his hands.

“Hey.” She remarked, a little awkwardly, wandering over to rest a hand on his shoulder. It took her a moment to make contact, fingers reaching out uncertainly, before curling in, rumpling his crisp dress shirt. “Hey, are you...”

His arms scooped her up and deposited her in his lap, her head going dizzy a moment from the sudden motion. He might have made an apology, but she was already pulling him in as she settled, his head falling against her shoulder. It just made sense, even if she didn't...probably they didn't realize what they were doing until they settled, and he let out a breath against her.

The arm of the chair was sort of digging into her thigh now. She decided to ignore it.

“Let's not talk about it.” She decided, quietly. “Let's just...not. You done counting out? Safe locked up?”

“Yes.” He sighed, perhaps surprisingly, sounding exhausted. “I do not know that I will be...the best company. Perhaps we should try another night.”

“No. Tonight's fine.” She decided, “I made you carry me through that whole shitshow, I think I can return the favor. Besides, don't you live out in the ass end of nowhere?”

He pulled up to look at her, and she smiled, lifting her chin a little. It was hard not to devour him, especially not when poured out across his lap, but well...it'd been a long night for both of them. She could hold off for a couple minutes, at least.

“A bit, but the drive isn't so long.” He allowed, and then tilted his head at the amused look she gave him. “What?”

“It's snowing.” She replied, laugh getting just a little bit weak when he smiled reflexively. Proximity was hard, his mouth was...right there, but she had to behave. “You didn't notice? It's going to snow all night. Weather service says it's gonna be bad. Don't you have the afternoon shift?”

“I...no. I mean, yes, I do, no, I did not notice...” He frowned, and she smiled, tapping his forehead with a finger, and then trailing it down his nose as he turned to face her.

“Walking distance. Why else would I work here?” She teased, and at his flush, leaned in closer, “You can take the couch if you really want. Promise.”

“We both know I am not going to.” He sighed, and she laughed, turning her head to kiss his cheek, chaste but lingering.

“I know.” She agreed, and then added against his skin, regretfully. It had to be said, even if she didn't want it to be. It was important. “Just say no. That's good enough for me. I won't be happy, but it'll be over. I promise. No pushing, no...anything. Just say no and I'm gone. Or not. All sorts of...shades of gray.”

“I want to.” He admitted, a hand lifting to her hair again, attempting to tangle as it had before. It felt nice, that little bit of handsyness, the tug against her scalp. “Not say no, I mean, but I want to...everything. But there are...considerations.”

“So fire me. I don't care. I've lost my job over less!” She replied glibly, and then laughed as he stared at her. “You think this is my dream job? No, I don't want to lose my job over you, and yes, I actually like being a waitress. That's probably something I should be ashamed to admit, but I do. But...I don't work in a restaurant because work is my life. It's not.”

“I...” He started, and then sighed when she laughed again. “You confuse me, Ellana.”

“Come over.”

Wending her way out of his lap, she brushed fingers against his jaw as his hands slid from her hips. He stared at her, a little lost, and she leaned down to kiss his nose. It probably should have struck her then, how dangerous that odd vulnerability was, but she wasn't in any mood for introspection.

“What's the worst that could happen?” She teased him, lips quirking up and to the side, “We could get snowed in for a couple days. Oh no.”

Sounded pretty good to her.

 

 

 

Her building was two blocks away. Not so bad, it's why she'd picked it. That and the roommate. It was nearly impossible to find another Dalish elf in the city, after all. It wasn't the prettiest building ever, sort of faded and saggy. Still, it had character.

He was quiet.

She didn't push him. He seemed a little gloomy and introverted, and she kept her distance as they walked. Besides, it was hard not to watch the sky. Snowflakes drifting down, swirling when they hit the pools of sodium orange light. It was a color she hated, but it was nice to watch the snow.

“It's sticking.” She remarked, as they walked through it, leaving two sets of footprints through the new, unbroken snow. “Talk to me.”

“I...don't wish to burden you.” He admitted, and then sighed at the sidelong look she gave him, one brow lifting. “There's a family business. Mythal doesn't...like anyone else in the family. Precisely.”

Reaching the door to the building, she opened it for him, letting him precede her. Cutting out the outside was hard, but she knew her window would let in the snow if she wanted it. It felt good to inhale, cutting and sharp in the nostrils.

“So, disapproval. Got it.” She reached for his hand, felt it twist with hers, almost clutching at her fingers. It was surprisingly...nice.  Not usually her thing. She held his hand as they moved up the stairs. “Family business trumps managing a diner? Unless it's just a step on the way to something else?”

“I will not finance my future by chaining myself to them.” He replied firmly, and she laughed, quietly, pulling him up, peeking over her shoulder at his surprise.

“I understand.” She assured simply, “Trust me, I understand. C'mon.”

Whatever else he might say was lost into silence as she pulled. She was almost...shy to show him what was waiting inside? She tried to keep it to herself, she really did.  Not that she was ashamed, but she'd gotten so sick of the comments one day that she'd just stopped bringing it up.  Eventually it'd turned into almost a weird sort of secret, and now apparently it was something it felt uncomfortable to tell people about.  That and, well...it always felt a bit strange showing people the inside parts of yourself.  

Hard when it was something you couldn't hide with a smile and a change of topic.

Theirs was the third on the second floor, the walls stark white but peeling, texture and history in the cracks. Her key fit awkwardly into the lock, but finally slipped home as she turned it, clicking ominously.

“Don't...I mean. I know it's a little weird, but...” She started, before pushing open the door. A hand reached for the light by habit, flicking it on and then guiding him in.

The light caught and glittered, cast rainbows around the narrow, old apartment. Merrill loved it, of course, but she knew to anyone else it might seem odd. As he stepped in, she cleared her throat and closed the door, locking it before turning for the kitchenette.  She didn't want to look at his face, as he saw what was hanging from the ceiling.

Her silly life's work, caught up in a rainbow of glass.

“What...what is all of this?” He asked curiously, still standing in the doorway, melting snow clinging to his shoulders and calves.

“Stained glass.” She admitted with some embarrassment. “Surprise, not a viable career path. Tell that to my student loans, right? It's ah...butterflies. I mean, obviously, they're butterflies. That's not all I make, I mean...I don't sell a lot, even with the internet. Every once in a while I get a commission, but...it's what I do with the scraps, so...we hang them from the ceiling.”

Swallowing nerves with busyness, Ellie kept moving as she spoke.

She opened the freezer, the cold blast not what her shivering needed right now. And...surprise, no ice cream. Cursing, she went for the cabinet, digging through until she found a box of cocoa packets. A couple left. That'd have to be good enough.

“My roommate ate the ice cream. Shit, I'm sorry. I mean, is cocoa okay? We don't have anything else, so it'll have to...” She trailed off as he finally looked at her, swallowing heavily at his intense expression. “W-what?”

“They're beautiful.” He told her sincerely, and she laughed, glancing down and aside, avoiding the sight of the silly, brilliant glass and steel butterflies hung from the ceiling. “Truly, Ellana, it's...”

“Stupid.” She finished, dourly. “I couldn't even tell you why I went to school f...”

The distance between them disappeared in three quick steps. Sudden, fierce, greedy.

His hand captured her jaw, mouth on hers, and she melted into it. It was impossible not to, with the heat between them, breathless and sweet. She ducked her head and pressed into it, as he rolled his hips forward, pressing her against the counter. Fingers in her hair, the elastic snapping free as his hand twisted. She gave a little whimpering moan against his lips, and he abruptly pulled back, breathing against her bruised lips.

“I...am sorry.”

“No, it's...good.” She replied, the word 'fine' seeming insufficient. “Good. Do...that some more?”

 

“It would be my pleasure.” He assured her, quietly.

 


	6. Consummation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> N  
> S  
> F  
> W

Ellie's butt hurt. That was something that would have be addressed soon, because every time he pressed against her, it hurt a little bit more. There was the edge there, and it was starting to get uncomfortable. When she made a sound of protest, he just pulled her up, ass planting on the surface of the counter itself.

 _That worked, too_.

Eventually, though, she managed to break it, both hands pushing against his shoulders, their tongues languidly twisting together even as she pulled back. His lips were wet, and she barely managed to avoid leaning back in to eat him up. She knew it was a sentiment she'd had before, but it seemed to be lingering. Much like the hands on her hips, the way his breath felt across her skin.

But...well, there were considerations. Like he'd mentioned.

“You...can say no.” She murmured, trying not to sound too regretful. One of the butterflies she and Merrill had hung from the ceiling was casting a honeyed glow across his exquisite cheek, and she wanted to trace it with her tongue. “The couch is shitty, but it's there. It's there and I don't want to make you...”

“You have said that.” He finally managed to reply, letting out a breath. His voice was a bit hesitant, spilling over her skin, rousing tingles with its warmth. “I wish...you pushed before, and now you haven't. I...”

The pleasure his words roused was a little indecent, her teeth catching her lower lip as she smiled, fingers tugging against his shirt. Warmth in her stomach, twisting lower, a writhe that shifted her shoulders as her hands pulled in.

“You like it? You like it...” A breath, a tease, as she pulled him in, fabric crumpling under her fingers. “I will, but you have to want it. There's too much..complication. I have to believe you. Let me trust you.”

“Please.” He murmured, against her lips as she leaned down, breathing against them. They swayed together, barely touching, his mouth moving against hers as he spoke. She could taste him, the edges of his tongue on the lazily long sounds. Her name was particularly delicious. “Ellana...”

It was all she needed. He'd had a long night, after all. She was getting paid for dealing with them. He was stuck with them. But now...he was screwed.

Now he was stuck with her, too.

Fingers twisted, sharply, dragging him in to her mouth, lips mashing together. She was leaning down into him from her perch on the counter, his hands sliding around to grab her ass and pull her up and in. She'd honestly been wanting him for ages, how could she help herself? And now he was here and holy fuck could he kiss and they were just...twisting together.

Somewhat literally, that sentiment, as her calves wrapped around his thighs and jerked him in, getting rid of the last space between them. There he was, exposed despite being covered, no way to hide. Hard as he'd been against her thigh in the cooler, but this time between them, giving a small groan as her hips rolled. Oh...oh, that was good.

She was trying to behave, but as it seemed had been happening all night, the instant they got too close they were all tongues and hands. This time, though, there weren't any rules in the way. This time it was savage. There was...biting, her lip sucked between his and then latched onto. It left her dizzy, the way he submitted and then destroyed, waiting for barriers to fall and then surging past them. Bruised, battered, and still hungry for more, she barely pulled back, tongue in his mouth, inhibiting her words.

“I hate this thing.” She groaned against his lips, loosening, and then jerking open the silly tie, pushing over him, making his head arch back. “I want to tie your arms with it, gag you with it. Let you wrap it around my throat...”

When he stiffened she thought she'd gone too far, but the instant she stilled he was kissing her again, swallowing her moan as she threw the tie aside. She didn't know where it ended up, maybe the sink, maybe the floor. Who cared? Though maybe she'd want it later...

His hands had found her hair again, twisting and pulling, arching her head back roughly so he could kiss her throat like he had the first time. But now he was biting, teeth dragging over her skin, and she was shivering, the little whimper she'd restrained before escaping her unfettered, hips undulating. She could feel that he liked it, a little twitch. It was nice, having him so close, but there were far too many layers of clothing in the way all of a sudden.

His mouth was on her neck, sucking instead of biting, and it made her voice scale up as she leaned in. A coo, embarrassingly high and breathy, spilling across his skin, his ear.

“I am going to fuck you...so hard. But first...I'm going to take you to bed. Let me up, so I can take you.” She meant to command, but it almost sounded like she was begging, hips grinding against his as his teeth scraped the hollow of her throat.

“Yes.” He agreed simply against her, and pulled her up, her body sliding down from the kitchen counter. Her legs were jelly.

Dessert forgotten, everything forgotten, she all but staggered across the living room. It was embarrassing, but she had a feeling he was no better. She didn't even look back until she'd shoved her bedroom door open, and he was following, looming over her.

Bed. She had a bed somewhere in the dark.

The backs of her calves hit it eventually and she sprawled across it with a creak of springs. A heavier one followed as he spilled over her, her hands already fumbling with his buttons. Stupid shirt. Stupid...everything that was between him and her.

When she struggled, he pulled back, and she whined, unabashedly sulky. Embarrassing noises, but he seemed to like them, because his breath caught before he could speak.

“If I cannot go home tomorrow, I'd rather you didn't destroy my shirt.” He reminded her, and she sighed, reaching down to jerk fingers in his belt while he undid the buttons. “I...Ellana!”

“Yes?” She asked languidly, rolling her hips against his, hands still clutching his belt. Fingers twisted, holding him in place. She kept it up until he groaned, deep and throbbing, and then grinned in triumph, purring. “Yes...”

His shirt hit the floor, pants following soon after once he managed to get her hands out of his belt. She felt drunk, all hands tugging up the t-shirt over his head, fingers immediately moving to his chest afterwards. It was dark, too dark. Frustratingly so. She was overtaken by a desire to see him.

“There's a lamp, next to the bed. Turn it on.” She demanded, even as his hands reached for her shirt.

His protest was brief and wordless, before he pulled away at the nudge of her knee, just enough to hunt. She took the opportunity to tug the shirt over her head, loose enough that she didn't need to worry about buttons. She was halfway through stripping off her undershirt when the light clicked on, gold and green.

It distracted him, as she knew it would, and she finished throwing off the shirt, tousling her tumbled hair. Her hands reached for her pants as she turned her gaze up at last to him, smiling lazily as she watched his gaze trace the leaves and flowers cast across the ceiling. And then her attention wandered down, over shoulders and chest, and...mmh....

Her appreciation escaped in a little sigh, and he glanced down to her, a bit sharply. She smiled with feline satisfaction, thumb snapping open the button of her pants. Fingers lazily dragged the zipper open, bit by bit, and he watched, eyes shadowed.

“Top drawer of the dresser, if you don't have anything?” She offered sweetly, far too occupied to go hunting for him. And far too needy to assume he was prepared. She had...sort of bullied him into this. “You are just so...fucking gorgeous.”

She breathed it, more of that drunken pleasure spilling across her tongue, enjoying the flush the roused. Sweet, that was sweet, and he was...

A laugh spilled out of her lips as he turned impatiently away for the old, battered dresser. Spread with more of her failed little sculptures, but he had a purpose in mind now. Impatience was winning out over curiosity. She could deal with that, quite gladly.. Hips lifted, rolling pants down her thighs. Hands sliding, shucking them down, socks kicked free. Her calves pressed together, not shy, but anticipating some encouragement.

She waited, though, waited until he turned back to slide the panties from her hips, eyes locking together as she writhed against the bed. Teeth caught her lower lip, a smile and a sigh, a sway from side to side as she burned under the heat of his gaze.

Ellie could feel his need, which is what she wanted. Thumbs locked in the soft fabric, she arched her back, dragged them down, the brush of cool air like a kiss.

She had them down to her knees by the time he was on her. That was okay, that was...good.

Her breath was stalled by the force of his lips, holding it back from escaping as he pounced on her. The protest of the bed was loud, the arch of her back sharp as he pushed her in. Soft curves, hard edges, he buried his mouth against the edge of her jaw, all but biting in. It was meant to be a sigh, but it came out as a cry, shuddering over her tongue as her body twisted.

His hands were busy, but that was...good too. The papery rip, the fumble. Awkward, but sweet, so sweet. Signals of eagerness, and then that little grunt as he slid on the condom, his body rolling against hers with the motion of his hands. Nothing in the way now, her hands reaching up for his ass.

He'd been mauling hers, it was only fair. Only fair to dig in, massage. It felt so good, and it made him groan against her neck.

“Fuck me.” A prayer, visceral and reverent. Crude, maybe, but not cheap. Things could be filthy without being meaningless, after all. “Solas, fuck me.”

Hands slid up her thighs as he spread them, moved between them and thrust up and in, and...yes. The sound that escaped her throat was equal parts relief and bliss. He was...perfect, dim light adoring the line of his neck, shoulder as he claimed her. Slow. Slower than she'd wanted it to be, expected it to be, making her feel every inch, the languid stretch of her body.

She wanted a fuck, not whatever this was that he was giving her.

“Solas...” A warning, but higher than she meant. He kept doing that, making her beg when she wanted to demand.

“Ellana...” He replied, low and gutteral, making her breath catch. His hands on her hips, dimpling the skin as he thrust in and up, finally grinding them together. It caught, held, nerves sparkling with pleasure and pressure. “Mmmh...Ellana.”

“Again.” She sighed as she forgot to protest, finding his shoulders, digging into his back, splaying across them. He pulled back, thrust in slick and deep, shuddering her hips, making the breath leave her throat, high and sharp. “Yes!”

“Yes...” He agreed, a little harder the next time, before both of them forgot they were more than one person, losing intent and reason. Melting together, letting go of all the tension they hadn't even known they had.

Tongues tangled together but it was barely a kiss, lips only brushing. There wasn't room, all her breath was caught up in panting, her body shuddering under his as he thrust, filled. Up and in, raising her ass up off the bed just so he could spank it with his hips. The steady slap of it filled the air, echoing the creak of the bed. Still, they tried to kiss, all tongues and moaning, finding the corner of a mouth, a cheek, a neck.

Deep, so deep in her. Everything was taken up in it, until all her mouth could do was cry out in pleasure. He fell forward against her neck and drove harder, deeper, her hands wandering downwards then. Skin under her hands, and she dug in, pushing him into her as her hips lifted, legs twisting. Mmh. She could understand the allure of an ass-grab now. Now she was part of the rhythm, rocking under him, in time with the thump of the bed against the wall, his heavy breaths.

When he came, it was hard and bruising, his hips pushing hers into the bed as he clutched at her, fingers tangling in her hair and holding her waist. His moans shivered against her cheek, and she breathlessly turned her head to swallow the last of them. One last inward grind, hard at first and then softening, and he collapsed over her.

The weight felt so good, languid and slick with sweat, his mouth going lax against hers. She kissed him, enjoying how soft his mouth was. Her tongue teased his lower lip as he sighed out his satiation, her fingers carefully relaxing their grip.

Wet, everything was wet, the tips of their tongues brushing, his breath spilling over her. She flicked hers against his lower lip, and then fell against the bed at last, hands falling. She could see the gleam of his sweat-slicked skin through slitted lids, the freckled curve of a shoulder, the edge of his jaw. He was panting still, but so was she.

“...I...I am sorry.” He breathed, and if she had any energy at all she would have laughed. “I was so...I was not...”

She would have spoken, but her breath caught in a hiss as he slid out of her. She didn't let him escape, at least, catching his arm and pulling him across the bed proper. While he busied himself taking care of the condom, she gathered her thoughts, and squirmed up to the head of the bed.

“I'm not sorry.” She finally concluded. “So it was a little...”

Her voice trailed off as she realized he was entranced with the lamp again, cheeks flushing as she watched him reach out a hand towards it. The urge to cuddle was...embarrassingly overwhelming. She did, anyways, pulling her upper body under his arm and settling against his side.

He glanced down at her, surprised, and she smiled lazily. It was hard not to, especially with him looking so...

“Frantic.” He finally supplied, and it took her drowsy mind a minute to catch up with the conversation she'd already left.

“Yeah.” She agreed, as his arm finally curled in around her, tucking under her bare breasts. “Frantic is good. I mean, it was good, but also a good word for...umh...I'm doing that thing again.”

“I enjoy it.” He assured her, and she laughed in embarrassment, hiding against his chest as he fell back against the bed fully again. “I do.”

She was about to speak when the knock came at the door, two quick, and then one after, brisk. He stiffened, but she was easy. Merrill wouldn't just break in. While she waited, she slung a leg over his, twining them together more securely.

“Umh...Ellie, are you home?” She knew that she was, but she always asked. It was sweet. “The snow is getting pretty awful. Anders says the corner shop is running out of food quick. We should probably run down and buy some things, just in case...Hello, Ellie's friend!”

Of course. Of course she'd noticed the shoes. Ellana stifled a laugh, hand splaying against his stomach. After a moment, she peered up into Solas' slightly-conflicted face.

“Want to go on an adventure?” She teased, languidly. “C'mon. Looks like we're getting snowed in.”

A pause as she sat back, gazing down at him. No response, and his expression was distant. He seemed a little...conflicted. Confused, maybe?

“Is...is this bad?” She finally asked, nervously. Maybe it was, maybe he was second guessing.

Maybe...

Both thoughts and words were silenced, as he pulled up to sit and captured her lips with his, deep and greedy. She gave a faint sigh against his mouth, both of his hands cradling her cheeks and jaw. It lasted a few good seconds, before he finally pulled back.

 

“No...” He murmured against her mouth. “No, this is not bad.”

 

 


	7. Midnight

Conversation came around, inevitably, to the subject she wasn't crazy about, though she didn't blame him for it. At least he was just curious, and not condescending.

“Well, I could have gotten a degree in conservation. It probably would have been smarter. Worked...restoration for the chantry or something.” Ellie said, hunting through the depths of her closet, finally finding the right plastic bin and dragging it out, popping the lid. “Or something...useful. You know. Instead I went for...sculpture. Right? Ridiculous. Tell that to my student loans.”

“Do you sell things often?”

“Not...as much as I should. Lamps, butterflies and birds, mostly online. I get window commissions sometimes, small ones. More like panels.” Sweater! Aha. Triumphantly she dug it out, and lifted to her feet. “Sorry, this is the best I've got. You're so dang long.”

Solas was staring at her, and she stared back for a few moments, blankly. And then she realized what she'd said, and snickered, throwing the sweater at him.

“Not...well, okay, that too.” She allowed mischievously, and he flushed as he caught the sweater, clearing his throat. “But I was actually not being dirty. For once. I meant arms. Aaaand...now I'm thinking about your dick. I mean, more than I was before.”

She couldn't not say it, it just came tumbling out of her mouth to make him cough and look away, and she ducked her head. They'd just had _sex_. When did this get easier?

It was difficult to move past him and get dressed herself, and she made sure to do so when he was occupied trying to get into the shirt. Otherwise there probably would have been grabbing. Seriously, what the hell was going on there? Apparently the sex hadn't solved the talking OR the lusting problem, because now she knew what it was like and it was refusing to leave her brain.

“Dammit.” She decided emphatically, fishing out a shirt and pulling it on over her head. The look he gave her was curious, but he seemed a bit more composed now. At least one of them was. “I thought it would...make this easier, but it's not, it's _worse_.”

“Is that why you...Just to...get it out of your system?” Hesitant, suddenly, and she became increasingly aware that maybe. Just maybe, she hadn't been expressing herself very well.

Shit, he thought she was... _using_ him.

“I am such an asshole. No!” She forced her voice to gentle, running hands through her hair with a sigh. “No. Not...at all. I told you, I'm just bad at...words. And the talking of them, and...shit. Do you remember when that highschool volleyball team came in and just...trashed the whole dining room?”

“Yes...” He replied uncertainly, tugging down the edge of the sweater again. It didn't quite fit, but at least it wasn't girly. She knew she'd kept the thing for a reason, when it'd ended up randomly in her laundry one day.

“And you helped, even though you didn't have to. And I slammed my head on the underside of the table when I was...”

“Cleaning up the spaghetti.” He finished, and then smiled, just a little. It relieved some of her sudden nervous tension. “I thought you'd cracked your skull open.”

“Felt like I had.” She remembered sourly, and then sighed and tentatively extended a hand to him. It was hard. To talk. The kissing was all easy, because it didn't involve her brain. “And you got me ice, and you looked worried, and you _talked_ to me. And almost smiled at me.”

“And then I didn't speak to you properly again for...far too long. It wasn't the first time I had done that, was it?” He sighed, and she was gratified to know at least he realized he'd been doing it. That was something. And he took her hand, which was something else. “I suppose I didn't want to mistake your friendliness for something else.”

“I like you, at least in my way. I have liked you, I did like you, just because I'm...a neurotic mess that is literally the worst person at talking ever...doesn't mean I don't...like you. And I mean _you,_ not just the fucking. At least what I've...seen, I guess...or whatever...” Dammit, this was hard. She was going to start stuttering, wasn't she. Blowing out a sigh, she closed her eyes, focusing on the words. “This is the part I'm bad at, not the flirting, not the...other stuff, but this part. And...I don't know. If I keep moving forward you don't have time to pull back, I guess.”

“I suppose I needed the push. It's not as if I wasn't...interested before, myself, but...as I said before...this may not be the best idea.” Slightest pressure on her hand, but she followed it, eyes finally opening just a little. “And yet...”

Hopefully the rest of it wasn't that important or life shattering, because Merrill knocked on the door again at that point. She peeked over her shoulder, lips pursing.

“Sorry, Mer', we're coming!” Her attention turned back to him, and she added, hopefully, “Right?”

“Right.” He finally agreed, and her smile relaxed. And then fell, at the next part. “But we will be...discussing this further. Later.”

“Or we could just keep having sex until we're too tired to talk.” She suggested, hopefully, moving to get the bedroom door.

He hadn't let go of her hand. She had a sudden urge to giggle and blush, neither of which she thought she was actually capable of. _Weird._ He seemed to have a talent for screwing her up. Hopefully it wouldn't turn out to be dangerous.

Solas didn't respond to her statement, and when she peeked over her shoulder, he looked like he might actually be seriously considering it.

_Nice._

 

 

The snow was getting pretty thick, and she was glad Merrill had dragged them out, even if it was like...what, almost midnight by then? The street lamps were still up, though, and even if it was a slog, the store was literally a block down. Solas was quiet, but he kept hold of her hand, and Merrill was apparently feeling chattery enough for everyone.

Ellana knew her well enough to realize that she was probably just nervous to meet someone new.

“Soooo, Isabela just told me to come home early, so I wouldn't get stuck. Not that I minded, mind you, but I didn't really want to spend the night in the bar.” Merrill concluded, opening the front door of the shop with a jingle. “At least if you got trapped at the diner there'd be food! Oh, well, I suppose we'd have peanuts.”

“Peanuts are not a well-rounded diet, Merrill.” She remarked, glancing around the shop. There was a half dozen people there, which, for this time of night was basically packed. “You know the drill. Hope there's something remotely edible left in the freezer.”

“Don't you have _anything_ at home?” He glanced at her, and she smirked, faintly, lifting her shoulders in a shrug. “You don't cook?”

“Oh, no...you don't want Ellie to cook.” Merrill remarked over her shoulder, and she flushed. “I'll bake, I like to bake, but I don't really cook either. Do you cook, then, Solas?”

“I am...capable, I suppose.” He allowed, and then sighed and tugged her, leading the way now.

His exasperation was hiding a smile, she could tell.

“I'm very good at chopping, and stirring. And carrying!” She demonstrated as he pulled out a carton of eggs and handed it to her. “Might want to get more than one. We might get stuck.”

“I am beginning to see why you work in a diner.” He murmured under his breath, loading her arms up as they foraged in the ruins of what was left behind by the blizzard-panicked city dwellers.

There were, sadly, no frozen pizzas left. Damn.

“For the food? Probably. Also, Cullen lives upstairs from us, he got me the job.”

Merrill had wandered to the counter to chat with Anders animatedly as he checked people out. People were clearing out slowly, and she became aware all of a sudden of an odd sound coming from the front of the store. Perking up, she glanced over, and then abruptly wandered off.

She should drop off her armload, anyways. Solas followed, bemusedly, as she hunted down the sound of squeaking. Shoving her things in front of Anders, she leaned over the counter, peering behind it. In a cardboard box, a half dozen little kittens tumbled all over each other, uncoordinated and awkward.

“Someone left them! Out in the snow, can you believe it?” Merrill asked her, shock in her voice.

"Again?" Ellie asked with a grimace, "Jeez, do you think there's a cat hoarder in the neighborhood or something? Assholes!"

“Bastards.” Anders agreed, and then went back to sizing Solas up, one eye squinting. “Ellie...I'm off in an hour, and I'd really rather not drive in this. Merrill's fine with it...”

“Sure, the couch is unoccupied.” She replied, trying not to sound smug. Did she sound smug? Solas' hand was suddenly on her hip, arm across her back in a deliberately 'I am being casual' sort of way, and okay...she was smug. “But only if you bring the kittens. Unless someone's allergic. I'm not.”

“There's a little tuxedo one!” Merrill cooed, which was probably enough of an answer there. “Isabela will be over tonight, too, once she's locked up. I told her she shouldn't drive in this, but she won't listen. I saw Bull in the hall when I got home, too, he said he's full up tonight.”

“How many people live in your apartment?” Solas asked her, and she laughed as she fished out her wallet, tugging out her card as Anders finally turned to check them out.

There was still some eyeballing going on, but it wasn't really hostile.

She hoped.

“They come and go. Isa's Merrill's girlfriend, she's generally in and out, but she has her own place. And then there's neighbors that drop by a lot, and Anders works around the corner, so he's around sometimes...” She trailed off at his confused expression, and then laughed. “Well, I met your family, so you can deal with meeting mine.”

“I am sure yours is much more pleasant than mine.” He sighed, and she regretted the slight frown it brought to his lips.

“Hey. Sorry.” She murmured with a hip bump, well aware that there were eyes on them. Not the time to be bringing that shit up. “Let's get out of here. I'm sure Leli will just close the place tomorrow. So we can just...relax tomorrow.”

“Ooh, yes! We can build a snowman!” Merrill declared enthusiastically, grabbing two of the bags, and she reached for the rest.

That left only Solas' arms free for the cardboard box. He blinked as Anders thrust it at him, and glanced down a bit uncertainly. One of the milling occupants of the box gave a little squeak.

“The snow is getting worse. I have to carry their food and things. So, you get to carry the cats. Don't...drop them or anything.” Anders ordered, a bit imperiously. She gave him a look, but he just waved her off. “Go, I'll let myself in, I know where the spare key is.”

“They're kittens, not a time bomb.” She laughed a little at was Solas was staring into the box, as they turned back for the door. “Oh, come on. Anders volunteers at the animal shelter, this isn't the first time this has happened. People tend to...dump animals around here because they know he'll handle it.”

“Which isn't very nice, if you ask me, but at least they'll find a good home in the end. So, it turns out all right! Let's hurry, shall we? It's only getting worse.” Merrill declared, moving to get the door for them.

“Second thoughts?” She murmured quietly aside, trying to make it a joke. It just came out worried, because honestly, she was.

It was one thing to drag him home for sex, but sort of...well, another thing to let him get tangled up in the confusion and chaos that was her life. He only knew...well, work her. Not the revolving door apartment and the noise and nosy friends and...well, he cooked, and he was carrying a box full of kittens and suddenly...suddenly it mattered.

A lot.

It all sort of mattered a lot if he was or wasn't okay with all of this. All of her.

They headed out into the snow, and he seemed to be thinking, glancing down into the box, and then aside at her, and she was trying not to stare. Not to show how worried she was. Granted, thinking about how worried she was would bring up why she was worried, and she didn't want to think about that at all.

“No, I don't believe so. I take it that the couch isn't an option any more?” He was teasing, she could hear it, and it made the nervousness ease. She released it in an explosive sigh, and he finally smiled.

“Was it before?” She shifted the bags to one hand, and tucked the other into his elbow, as Merrill thoughtfully wandered a little ways ahead.

“No, not really.” Her small laugh followed his words, and he nudged her, a small, surprisingly casual motion from him. “I do believe we've established that.”

“I'm fine with re-establishing it. You know. As many times as we've got to.” She lowered her voice, just a little, to confide. “I'm talking about sex, when I say that.”

“I...ah...yes, I assumed as much.”

“Good.” She declared firmly, leaning in closer to him as they trudged back through the rapidly-rising snow. It felt like...she owed him something, maybe. Unbend just a little. She hadn't been doing a very good job of expressing herself. “I...like that you want to stick around. I think you should do it as much as you want to. I mean...in general, not just when trapped by weather. With me, I mean. If you want to. Even, like, stuff that's not sex.”

_Yes, very smooth._

“I think I'd like that.” His surprised response didn't take any time at all, and he quickly cleared his throat afterwards. “I would. Very much.”

Ducking her chin, she grinned faintly to herself, glancing down and away from him as she curled her fingers in a little tighter against his arm. There went that dumb teenage brain thing again. She was completely screwed, wasn't she?

 

“Cool. Me...me too.”

 


	8. Waking Up is Hard to Do

Waking up was hard. Not just because she was tired, but because for once she was warm enough. The apartment had always been little cold, but it was colder than usual because of shitty old windows. But now? Warm and glorious, even if...numb. Testingly, she wiggled her fingers, just to make sure they were still working. Yep. Even if she couldn't feel her arm, the hand was still working. Good enough.

Breath on her cheek, tickling across her ear, and she could tell he'd been there for a while, skin flushed and hot. They'd fallen asleep near each other, but not on each other, but they woke up flopped together. Or at least she woke up.

The bed was a little small for both of them, but part of that was just that he seemed to take up a lot of space. Face-down sprawler. Good to know. Even being partway on top of her didn't really help the spread. It took her a little while to open her eyes, lashes fluttering, a bit gunky. The room was dark. Quiet.

There was some faint noise from the living room, but it hadn't gotten too bad yet. They probably had an hour. Un-pinned hand flailing out, she found her phone after thumbing his aside, moving slowly so as not to disturb him. She wouldn't wake him for the world, he seemed completely dead to it. He grumbled faintly when her shoulder shifted, but then settled when she reflexively turned and kissed his temple, just a sleepy-soft press of her lips.

She wasn't exactly sure why she'd done it, except maybe misplaced morning after affection, but it worked. He burrowed deeper in against her, and she awkwardly shuffled the blanket back over his shoulders while hanging onto her phone. Once he was settled, arm tightening around her waist, she thumbed her phone on. Sera...Dorian...Josephine...there we go, message from Leliana. She ignored the other ones, and opened that one.

Hmm, yep. Closed for the day. Good.

She was reading Sera's increasingly frantic litany of dirt-digging attempts when his phone started buzzing. Dropping her phone on her upper chest, she reached out and grabbed his before it could wriggle its way off the nightstand. It was tempting to check the screen, but she didn't, just tucked it under the blanket and nudged it against the hand gripping the side of her rib cage.

He grabbed it with a faint mumble, pressing his forehead in against the curve of her shoulder. The fact that he somehow managed to answer it and bring it to his ear while all but sound asleep was...endearingly silly.

Kind of impossible not to eavesdrop, but she did pick up her phone again while he mumbled something that sounded vaguely like a 'hello'. The strident tones coming from the other end of the phone made her wince, breaking their comfortable quiet. Damn, she shouldn't have given it to him. She could feel him stiffening against her, and not in the good way, tension in his stomach and shoulders. Shifting slightly to wriggle her arm free up to the elbow, she curled it around him.

“No...” His voice was barely a groan, mostly a mumble, languid cadence drawing out the syllables of his particularly pleasant accent. “I will not be coming tonight. The roads are impassible...I am still in the city.”

She shifted willingly as his far arm tucked up and under her shoulder. His cheek was still cradled against her collarbone, the angle just odd enough that she had to tilt her head awkwardly to meet his eyes. She mouthed a silent 'sorry', and he just shook his head a little, and then closed his eyes as the shrilling started again.

“I do not see why you need to kno...” He started, and then cut off with a long sigh, abruptly rolling on his back, away from her. Pins and needles. Shit.

Breathing in sharply, she rescued her arm and sat up slowly, wincing as her hip gave a twinge. Ouch. She set her phone aside, and worked on massaging some life back into her arm. Aches that hadn't been apparent when she was lying down were starting to make themselves known. Nice aches. Still sore, but pleasant.

She'd have to...shit. Right, still some issues to be handled. Might as well take care of it now.

It took a moment to get to her feet, legs wobbling dangerously for a moment before she found her balance. The insides of her thighs protested, but she managed not to sway too much as she crossed the room to find a t-shirt. Covered her butt. Good enough.

She listened with half an ear to Solas' conversation, but it was sounding more like him just being talked at, as he only gave mumbled half-replies. He had a hand over his face again, and she tried not to worry too much. It's not like they were...well, it wasn't her job to worry about him, really. Maybe. Anyways, she had something to take care of.

Texting wouldn't work. She'd have to call.

“Cover up.” She hissed over her shoulder, making sure he'd heard her before she turned for the window, already making her call. It rang three times, and she tucked her phone into the curve of her shoulder, reaching for the rattly old window and jerking it up. She heard the bed creak as Solas made a small sound of protest and pulled the blanket up.

Well, she had warned him.

The blast of freezing air made her shudder, nipples hardening instantly, but at least it wasn't windy. The street below was completely snow-covered, not even any tire tracks yet. It was pretty. And cold. Fucking cold.

“Mmmh?” The thick, sleepy grumble in her ear was rather sour. “Ellie? What?”

“Wakey. I need to borrow some clothes, Cullen. Toss 'em down.”

“Sleeping!” He growled, and she rolled her eyes. “Later. Why...do you need clothes anyways?”

“Because I have a guest, Cullen, and they're sort of not my size, and snowed in. Now would you throw something down, _please_? I'd like to use the shower before all the hot water's gone.”

He sighed heavily, and the phone went dead. While she waited, she tried not to think about how cold she was. Difficult not to. The snow wasn't coming down any more, though the sky was gloomily overcast. It took maybe a minute before she heard the rattle and then the thump of the window above her being opened, and she craned her head around, leaning out.

Glaring, hair mussed, Cullen peered down at her, and she flashed her most winning smile. His eyes narrowed, and then he heaved another sigh, dropping a pair of sweatpants out of the window. They fluttered down to land on her head, and she grabbed them before they could fall. A t-shirt followed, and then a hooded sweatshirt. He might grumble, but at least he was thoughtful. That was Cullen, though.

“Breakfast in an hour?” She asked, bundling up the clothes in her arm, across her chilled chest.

“I'll be down in a bit.” His voice faded, as he pulled back in and slammed his window emphatically. She snickered and did the same.

It took a little wiggling to get the window closed securely enough to keep out all of the chill, and by then she was properly frozen. Shit. Tossing the clothes onto her work table, she hustled for the bed. Groping for the edge of the blanket, she pulled it up and attempted to slide in.

She was welcomed until her arm brushed against his, and he shuddered at the chill of her skin, fending her off for a moment with a hand on her shoulder. She was about to pull back and give up when he abruptly threw the arm over her, burying her under his warmth. She couldn't really breathe very well, he was pretty heavy. Hmm.

She was okay with that.

“Cold...” He mumbled, hand rubbing up her arm, and she shivered as sensation returned. “What were you doing, exactly?”

“Getting you something to wear today.” Her reply was a little muffled, as was the laugh afterwards, spilling out across his shoulder. Mmh, nice shoulder. She kissed it before speaking again. “You didn't think I was going to tie you to my bed, did you?”

“It is entirely possible that the thought had crossed my mind after last night. I didn't think you were going to allow me to sleep.” He sounded a little less groggy, but still slow and comfortable, the tension gone. She wondered what the phone call had been about, but it didn't feel right to pry. “Not that I am complaining, mind you, but...”

“Sore.” She supplied, and he laughed, low and intimate in her ear. The enticing sound roused a sly smile and a pleasantly warm sensation in her stomach.

“Perhaps a bit. But...not _that_ sore.”

She grinned as his he dragged the t-shirt up her hip, bunching the fabric in his hand and trying to free it from between them.

“Sex and freezing cold shower, or a possibly hot shower. Those are basically our options right now...” She murmured, and he gave a heavy sigh, hand stopping. “Sorry.”

“How long do I have to decide?” He asked, and then relented and rolled off of her in the next breath, wincing a bit as he sat up.

Okay, now she was second guessing the whole 'going to shower thing'. She hadn't really gotten to admire his back last night. And then he had to go and stand up, which made it worse.

“Well, cold showers aren't...that bad, really...” She mused, sliding to the edge of the bed. It wasn't exactly a genuine seduction attempt, but she figured she'd give it a shot. “Might actually help a little.”

“You missed your opportunity.” He replied, but she could hear the smile in his voice as he bent...down...

 _Mmmmh_.

“Half hour?” She found herself asking hopefully, biting down on her lower lip.

“I am starting to think you keep doing this so you don't have to actually hold a conversation with me.”

For a moment his reply actually had her worried, until he finished pulling on his underwear and went hunting for his shirt. Okay, that was a smile. Whew. Just teasing.

“Well, if I keep you exhausted, you might not realize how hopeless I am at it.” She allowed, slipping off of the bed and tugging down her t-shirt. “Clothes are on the table by the window. Sorry if they're a bit big. Not like we're going anywhere in this, and there's much more important areas for them to worry about. We'll be lucky to get plowed at all today, honestly.”

The words were barely out of her mouth before she started snickering, and he cast an exasperated look over at her. Okay, now she was really laughing. The cackling continued until she went tumbling off the bed, landing on the floor with a thump.

Then he was laughing.

Somehow, some way, they actually managed to make it into the shower with a minimum of fuss. A miracle, really. They even got clean.

 

 

 

“You were not...joking about the limited hot water.” He finally told her, and she peeked over her shoulder and away from the mirror with a grin. Whatever he was going to say next died at the sudden noise from the other room. “More guests?”

“Not really guests. That sounded like Bull, he's the neighbor. We just sort of leave the doors open, and everyone wanders in...” Trailing off, she pursed her lips together. Oh, crap. Right. They both worked with... “Cullen will be over for breakfast. That's okay, right? I mean, you're wearing his clothes.”

“I...suppose it is far too late now.” He responded, giving a faint sigh under his breath. “It isn't as if Sera hasn't told everyone by now. I doubt we will be...afforded much privacy.”

“Oh yeah, I have like fifty text messages waiting for me. Lots of questions, I'm sure.” She turned back to finish brushing her hair, feeling the stare on the back of her neck. “Okay, okay, what?”

“Perhaps we could actually discuss all of this before answering anyone else's questions? I do have a few myself that I would not mind having answered, truthfully.”

“Oh. Uh...okay.” Well, here it went. And, they were stuck in the bathroom. Pleasant close quarters up until right about now. “I...uh...just ask, I guess? Or...you know, whatever. I don't. I mean I can't...start...myself, so just go ahead. This is about...as private as it's gonna get, cause the instant...we step out there, not getting away so...yeah.”

Shutting up. She let out a sigh and dragged the brush through her hair one last time, before opening the medicine cabinet and shoving it in. The hand on her arm was resisted for a moment, before she turned around to face him. Lifting her chin, she rolled her eyes up and to the side, sliding away from his gaze.

“Are you going to do this every single time?”

She couldn't tell from his voice if he was upset or amused, and she was too nervous to look.

“...Probably.” She admitted quietly, letting him tug her in by the elbow against him. Gratefully, she tucked in against his side, hiding her face between his chest and upper arm. He smelled vaguely like Cullen, which was sort of confusing.

“Better?” He asked, and then chuckled faintly when she nodded against him. The sound relaxed her a little more. It was really nice, honestly. She'd never really heard him laugh before last night, and she found she really, really liked it. “Ellana, I am enjoying spending time with you and getting to know you better...Are you squeaking?”

“N-no!” She protested, embarrassment choking the single syllable. Shit, this was the worst. She was a grown woman. Why did he keep turning her into a moron?

“And I would like...” He sighed, though this time she could hear the amusement. “To continue doing so. However, I would prefer that...if...you're making that noise again...if we do so, that neither of us sees anyone else at the same time. It's simply my preference, I understand if...”

“No! No...that's good. I'm good with that. I mean...” A pause, and she nodded her head violently. “Sure, I guess I can handle that. You got it.”

Why was she tempted to call him 'slugger' again? Where did that come from? She was _so_ bad at this sort of thing.

“For someone who flirts so aggressively, you are absolutely terrible at dealing with the consequences.”

“Torment me no further, please.” She groaned, his fingers idly stroking through her damp hair. “Was that...it? I mean, do you...have more questions, or...?”

“A few, but I do believe they can wait. That was the...important one. May I at least have a kiss before we go to face the world? I do believe I bowed to your demands so you could survive _my_ family, it's only fair you do the same.”

“Mine couldn't be as terrible as yours. Just noisier.” She sighed, but was completely willing to pull back, and draw him down to her waiting mouth, arms snugly sliding around his neck. Talking? No, she was terrible at that, but this?

 

This she could do.

 

 

 


	9. Breakfast

By the time they slipped out of the bathroom, the living room was pretty full. Granted, Bull could fill a room all on his own, but he was far from alone. He and Anders were doing the usual _sort of_ talking thing they did, where Anders occasionally blustered and blew up at him, and Bull teased him. They'd gotten so weird ever since they'd slept together, really. But today at least they seemed marginally more relaxed, and friendly again.

Maybe because of kittens. Kittens did seem to make everything go easier.

And they seemed to _love_ Bull, because he was covered in them.

“Morning, Ellie.” He greeted, rescuing a wandering, wobbly tabby from falling off of his knee. Isabela half-turned from her seat on the counter to lift a hand at his words. “Merrill said you were making breakfast. I tossed a couple bucks in the jar.”

“Thanks, Bull.” She replied gratefully, and then half-turned to Solas, peeking up into his face. He only looked a little intimidated, at least. That was good. “Okay, let's do this. Solas, this is...Anders, you met. There's Bull, he lives across the hall, runs his own security business thing, there's Isabela, Merrill's girlfriend, she owns a bar not too far away...you met Merrill. That's Krem, he works for Bull, aaaand...there's probably like four more people across the hall, the next door neighbor will probably appear at some point, and Cullen will be downstairs soon. I think that's everyone. Everyone, this is Solas.”

Giving a faint 'whew' as she finished, she nodded her head once and started pacing across to the kitchen as various greetings were offered. Okay, got that out of the way. Not too bad. There were a few grocery bags on the counter she didn't recognize. Donations. Good stuff. The jar on the counter seemed to have acquired some more money. She'd have to toss half of her tips in.

She'd much rather put all of her tips in, but it'd been a tight month. Couldn't really afford it. Luckily last month had been good.

Getting her purse first from where it had been hastily dropped to the floor, she fished out the wad of bills and started counting. Solas seemed a little at sea, but he followed her as everyone went back to their chatter.

“Are donations required, then?” He asked her, glancing to the jar. Reaching out, she turned it around to show him the label.

“Nope, nothing like that. Like it says, college fund. It's...ah...my baby sister's, actually.” Regretfully, she pulled a ten out of one hand and transferred it to the other, before stuffing in the smaller pile. “Our mom died a few months ago, so it's just her. She told me not to move back home. There's funding, and stuff, because we're Dalish, and she has a part time job, but that barely pays for the caravan and bills. She really wants to go to college, and she's graduating in the summer, so...”

“I...” He started, and then stopped as she gave a small, awkward laugh. It must have been more forced than she thought. “I am sorry for prying.”

“No. You just didn't sign up for this kind of stuff. I mean...” His arm was hesitantly around her waist, and she didn't care who was looking, tucking her cheek against his shoulder. It was so damn easy to just fall in against him. Just the right height. “My family's pretty firmly entrenched on the side of 'if you feel bad for me, I'll punch you', so it won't do you any good to be sympathetic. We do fine! I mean, I can afford to dick around in a diner and play with glass, so we can't be that bad off.”

He was about to respond when they were quite loudly interrupted.

“Breakfast! You two were up half the night going at it like animals, can't you contain yourselves long enough to get the energy back up?” The tease called over at them was cheerfully raucous, and Ellana popped up on her toes to stick her tongue out at Isabela over Solas' shoulder. “Ooh, cheeky. Sorry, sweet thing, I'm afraid I'm well occupied.”

“Isabela!” Merrill scolded through her laughter, as the other woman slung an arm around her waist and pulled her in. “She doesn't mean it, not really. I mean, we barely heard you at all. Well, a bit, but...Oh dear, sorry Solas.”

Laughing, Ellana hid him as he ducked his head, tugging the hood of the sweatshirt up for him to help him hide. It was hard not to be embarrassed herself, but he was enough for both of them, it seemed.

“Come on, you guys, don't scare him off!” Playfully, she lowered her voice just a little, “I might want to keep this one around for a little while.”

“Oh please, if we can scare him off, then you're not doing your job!” Bull called from the couch, his mocking somewhat impeded by the fact that there was a tiny ginger kitten trying to knead his shoulder into submission. “C'mon!”

“Solas, I am so s...” She managed to get out, before the arm around her waist tightened, a wave of dizziness washing over her as everything tilted.

_Woah._

The world was abruptly all sorts of upside down, but his mouth was on hers and he had her tightly, and so she didn't care. The cheering was a distant sort of noise, and eventually she stopped melting and threw her arms around his neck, clutching him as he languidly kissed her. No tongue, but that was probably for the best, as she was already feeling pretty lightheaded. Her little laugh spilled across his lips, and she felt his quiet chuckle before her arms tightened.

Eventually he let her back up to her feet, and then held her when she staggered, breathlessly laughing, her cheeks finally pink for once. But from blood rushing to her head, of course. Not blushing. She didn't blush.

Jeez, nobody'd ever kissed her like that before. Like...a _movie_ kiss. Damn.

“I believe we are on breakfast duty.” He informed her, pushing back the hood as he released her at last. She only wavered a little. “Let us see if you are as good at chopping and stirring as you claim, shall we?”

“I'm the best assistant. You'll see.” She replied after clearing her throat, moving to open the nearest bag, hiding her unsteadiness. She was still feeling a little giddy. “When did you get suave?”

“You haven't precisely given me a chance to be yet, have you?” He pointed out, leaning over her shoulder to examine what she was digging out. “More opportunities will doubtless present themselves.”

“Less flirting, more cooking!” Anders called over from the couch, and she made a rude noise at him before getting to work.

Not like she was going to stop the flirting, but they could at least get to work before there was a riot.

 

 

Okay, well, for the first time in her life, cooking was actually kind of fun. Especially since it gave Solas something to do that wasn't sitting around being teased by everyone. She liked her friends, of course, but it could be a bit much to handle all at once. Everyone being snowed in kind of made things rowdy. It seemed like he might have been enjoying himself, though.

It didn't really bug her how much she cared about how he felt, but it was kind of...more than she was willing to talk about. Most things were, though.

Cole had wandered in, and she'd given him a plate of pancakes. He'd started ducking back out again before he noticed the kittens, and had turned back around again. Now he was sitting on the floor in a corner with his headphones on, eating and watching them. Bull had tucked the cats into a box next to him before leaving.

Half the food had disappeared across the hall with Bull, but it tended to do that, and people kept wandering in and out. She was contentedly chopping up some green onions, hip to hip with Solas, when Cullen finally wandered in. His hair was wet, and he still looked half asleep, but it took him less than no time to realize who was standing at the stove.

The accusing look didn't make her feel particularly sorry. She might have been grinning.

“Good morning...” He started, and then added significantly. “Solas. Ellie didn't tell me you were her guest.”

She weathered the look, still not hiding her smug little grin as she turned her gaze back down to the cutting board. This was kind of funny. Again, made her feel like a bit of an asshole, but the look on his face was priceless. She hadn't realized he was out of the gossip loop.

Should have figured, though.

“You two know each other, then?” Merrill asked curiously, glancing up from her plate. “Oh! Do you all work together?”

“You could say that...” Cullen allowed, dropping a bag on the counter and beginning to unload it. “He would technically be my _boss_.”

Merrill gave a faint 'ooh', and Isabela smirked. Nobody could smirk like Isa.

“Good morning, Cullen.” Solas replied, giving her a sidelong look as she continued trying to stifle her amusement with his obvious unease. “I suppose it's good to know you try to make everyone around you uncomfortable, and not just me.”

“She _does_ have a talent for it.”

“Hey hey hey! No ganging up on me! Unfair!” She protested, lifting the knife. “I am the chopper! You do not sass the chopper!”

“Perhaps you could do less threatening, and more chopping, then.” Solas suggested, and she grumbled, going back to work.

“This is a thing, then? Maker's breath. You'd better not behave like Sera and Dagna did. I didn't get to eat in the break room for a week...” He started, and then stopped as she started laughing, exasperation in his voice. “What did I miss now?”

“Eating in the break room.” She replied, and then started cackling in earnest at the exasperated noises it got her. She let Solas take the knife from her as she laughed, flapping hands in front of her face to try and quell her mirth.

“You know, it's not too late.” Cullen informed him, pulling a few bills out of the pocket of his jeans and moving to shove them into the jar.

“It is probably somewhat concerning that I find it so endearing.” Solas sighed, leaning over to kiss the top of her head as she snickered to herself. The casual affection stalled her, and she gave a small, awkward clear of her throat, amusement dying.

Geez, it was just way too easy. She could feel herself getting dragged in.

Not...that she was fighting very hard.

She could feel Cullen staring at her, as she cleaned up the bits and ends from her cutting, and transferred them to the trash. He might have been about to say something else when Bull poked his head in from the hallway.

“Yo! I just got a call from up the street. Finish up, we've got an hour. Blight!”

“What, in the snow? You've got to be kidding me!” She protested, glancing up at Solas' questioning look, giving a small shake of her head. “We're gonna need booze.”

“Tactically, the snow may help. It's not ideal, but for building fortifications and fending off attacks...” Cullen started, musingly. “How many darkspawn did we draw?”

“None, they got all the short straws. Get a head count.” Bull ordered, ducking back out again.

“You still play children's games?” Solas asked, and then stalled the response with a shake of his head. “Why am I not surprised?”

“We play them for keeps.” Isabela interjected, with a little grin. “And often piss drunk, which helps immensely. Who doesn't love a good game of Blight?”

“I'm very good at being a darkspawn, nobody ever suspects me. I'm a bit disappointed we didn't draw any. Does this mean Zevran will be one? Oh dear, he's quite sneaky.” Merrill sighed, tucking another fork full of eggs into her mouth, talking around them. “I think they may have cheated a bit on the draw.”

“They always cheat. Then again, so do we, when it's our turn to draw.” Ellana reminded her, and then peeked over at Solas. “We don't have to join in, if you'd rather stay home. I know it probably sounds silly, but it is pretty fun. What else are we going to do in the snow?”

“As long as no one gets so drunk that we get in trouble.” Cullen pointed out, with a little sigh. “People around here might be tolerant, but running down the street with no pants on is pushing it a bit far. _Isabela_.”

“What?” Isabela asked innocently, and then grinned. “It was only once, and it was the middle of summer. I assure you, I will not be taking off my pants in this cold. Not even if you ask very nicely, Cullen.”

“What about if I ask?” Merrill inquired, more curious than flirtatious. “Not that I would, mind you, it is rather nippy, isn't it?”

“Always for you, kitten.” Isabela assured her, leaning down to plant a kiss on her cheek. “Someone will have to get the supplies together. Ellie, what have you two got lying around?”

“Peppermint schnapps, cocoa, vodka, orange juice...umh...and probably like five bottles with a couple shots but not much else left in them. I'm sure Bull's got plenty of stuff, though.” With a quick smile, she accepted a plate Solas offered her and scooted her butt up onto the counter, after pushing the cutting board aside. “Honestly, if you'd rather just spend the day in, I'm fine with that.”

“I don't believe I've ever actually played, to be quite honest.” Solas mused, leaning against the counter next to her, meeting her look of disbelief. “It wasn't the sort of thing I did as a child. I suppose that I never had the opportunity.”

“Well, now you're just asking for me to prod you into playing.” She teased, tilting her head down to peek up into his face with a grin. “I'll make you a deal. If you find it absolutely horrible, we'll steal a bottle and go curl up in bed and watch something instead.”

“Oooh, a virgin.” Isabela teased, grinning broadly. “Yes, do play. I promise we'll go easy on you.”

“Why am I suddenly nervous, I wonder?” Solas asked her, and she flashed him a tense, wicked grin. “That doesn't make me feel better, Ellana.”

“I was going to ask how you knew he was a virgin.” Merrill confessed to Isabela, stabbing her fork into a piece of sausage. “But then I realized you meant at the game. I do get it sometimes, you know.”

“Well, if he was before, he certainly wasn't after last night.” Isabela replied, flashing a little feral grin as Solas choked on his food. “Surprised your bed didn't put a dent in the wall, Ellie."

 

“Oh, sweet maker.” Cullen sighed, slapping a hand over his face. “Would you please _shut up_?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gonna try and catch up on comments tonight and get a few more chapters up <3 Holiday season is so busy! O.O Hope it's treating you well.


	10. War

It took an hour for Ellie to slip up and make a mistake. Better than she usually did, but worse than she'd wanted. The last thing she wanted in all of this was for Solas to end up having a crummy time. But he'd said he wanted to try, and to be honest, getting split up was sort of part of the game. She'd been hunting for cover so they could catch their breath, and had found it at long last, after a trek through the twisty alleys between buildings.

Cullen was busy building fortifications, dangerously close to 'camping' the safe zone outside of the apartment building, and when she'd made for the nearest snow ridge, somehow she'd ducked away from Solas.

When she realized she'd lost him, she cursed, glancing over the top of the barrier just in time to nearly get hit in the face with a snowball.

“Cullen! Incoming!” She shouted, burrowing down low into the snow. Her calves were chilled, socks wet, but adrenaline kept her warm. “I saw...”

“ME!” The call came from behind her, and she ducked out of the way just in time to avoid a snow bomb.

Carver gave a little exclamation of disgust as she darted away, laughing hysterically. He was always too slow, but it meant Bethany was around somewhere, and she was trickier. Carver would just charge in without paying attention.

The snow was deep, but she was quick. It was more jumping than running, though, until she found someone else's footprints to prance through.

“ELLIE! Don't forget to shore up the defenses!” She heard from behind her as Cullen was tagged, and she gave a faint curse.

They'd lost him.

All of that work, and they'd lost Cullen. And to Carver, of all people! _Embarrassing_.

Zig-zagging, she bounced through the barely-worn path, swaying from side to side as she retreated. In the heart of the alley she'd only just left in search of safety it went in four directions, and she glanced in all of them before ducking left. No sign of Solas, but there was a dumpster she could use for cover.

Burrowing in, she dug into the snow, building herself a cave in the drift up against the side of it. A tricky proposition, it would be obviously someone had disturbed it, but people had been drinking for over an hour now, so it might be easy for her to be overlooked.

It was a big drift, with plenty of room for her to hide in. The snow was heavy and sticky, perfect for a cave as she shoved it up and to the side, hollowing out a place for her to hide. Once she'd burrowed in, she started walling herself up, quickly warming in the snug little hole.

Yes. No one would find her here.

Her little snow cave quickly got cozy, and she snuggled in a little deeper, only to freeze as she heard people racing up the alley, fighting the snow the whole way.

“Cole, slow down!” Merrill protested, and she was tempted to burst out. But no. She didn't know what side they were on any more. Better to stay in her hidey-hole. She could feel her heart pounding. “We have to go back and find Grim!”

“Already gone.” Cole replied, whispery soft. “Can we go get cocoa?”

“Oh, all right.” She agreed, as their voices faded up the alley. “I think Isabela is blighted anyways.”

Stifling a giggle, she held still until the footsteps faded, and then dug out a small hole to peer into the alley, scraping away at the snow. She didn't realize she'd been stalked until she'd dug out her peephole and was greeted with a tolerantly amused look, as Solas sat down.

“You shouldn't get comfortable.” She hissed, pleased and displeased all at once to see him. “They'll catch you!”

“Or they could catch you.” He pointed out, and she glanced down, catching sight of the red marker tied loosely around his upper arm.

“Awww...for...really?” She asked as he leaned in to kiss her forehead, brushing aside the snow. “Damn it! I lasted a whole hour, too!”

Sighing, she let him mark her arm too, making sure it was tight enough to not fall off, but loose enough to get tugged off. He rose, and she sighed and took his hand as he pulled her up, shedding snow.

“Well, I guess I'm a darkspawn now.” She grumbled, taking his hand and pulling herself up. She accepted a handful of markers from him, shoving them into her pocket.

“You cannot have me believe that you don't enjoy being the 'bad guy'.” Solas replied, tucking her hand into the crook of his arm as he led the way, cutting a path through the snow for her to follow.

Such a gentleman.

“Well, no, but see, the problem with being the villain is that it always ends in tears.”

 

 

It seemed her words had been prophetic, because even though they'd managed to grab a third, they quickly found themselves pinned. Their companion was less than enthusiastic about playing for the other side. Honestly, she was starting to get pissed with him. She knew it was half for a laugh, the hamming it up, but right now it just made her want to peg him with a snowball to the back of the skull.

“Please...stop me!” Tamlen demanded of the group facing them from across the street, and she let out an exasperated sigh.

“Vhenan, don't ask me to kill you! I can't do that!” Mahariel called back sarcastically with her mitten-clad hands cupped around her mouth, and Ellana rolled her eyes so hard that she almost felt them rattle.

_Not this again._

Solas grabbed her arm, and she glanced sidelong. He nodded to a nearby alley, and she nodded back, and they slowly crept aside from the bit of drama. The sneak quickly turned into a run, though in her case it was more like a very fast slog, fording through the snow.

“I always loved you!” Tamlen howled very dramatically as the snowballs started flying, and she and Solas made a break for it, leaving him behind.

Seriously. Dude. Why did he always do this? Sucked all the fun out of being the bad guys.

“Darkspawn don't talk, Tamlen!” She shouted over her shoulder, laughing, just in time to get a face full of snowball. Staggering, she sputtered, and felt Solas keep going on without her as she got smacked again on the back of the head and fell to her knees. “Noooo! You bastard!”

She might have felt more betrayed if he hadn't realized just then that the alley was a dead end. He turned just in time to see her getting her marker ripped off by a cackling Zevran. She raised a middle finger to him, and he lifted both brows just before Krem launched a very accurate snowball to hit him directly in the face.

Good.

_Traitor._

 

 

 

 

“Ugh, I am drenched.” She complained, shivering violently as she trudged in through the door, feeling her shoes squish. “Why don't I own any good snow boots?”

They'd really needed a break after that, especially after she'd tossed a revenge snowball in his face and down his coat after they'd both been killed, and they'd tussled in the snow a bit. They were both completely soaked through. Zevran enjoyed rubbing in a defeat.

It was tempting to linger by the alcohol, but they had a washer and dryer in the unit, and it'd be a crime to waste it. She waited until he'd shucked off his coat and shoes, and then grabbed him by a sodden sleeve and dragged him into the cramped bathroom.

Solas followed willingly enough, she could feel him shivering even through his sweatshirt. Well, Cullen's sweatshirt, but he was wearing it.

“Shower or bed?” She asked, shirt halfway over her head. It was momentarily caught, twisted and sodden, but eventually she pulled it free, fabric slapping against her arm. Skipping the wash, she threw it right in the dryer, and then peeked over her shoulder.

He seemed to be considering her words.

“It's not that big of a question.” She teased, stripping off her pants, grimacing as clammy fabric peeled away from her thighs. “We're ending up in bed eventually either way, I assume. Because, as you know, I take a lot to warm up.”

“Am I going to have to pack several changes of clothes next time I end up here? Somehow I think you're trapping me through sheer lack of attire.” He mentioned, almost thoughtfully, and then stalled at her expression. “I..ah, no. I wasn't trying to say I was here unwillingly, it was a joke.”

“I'm pushy. Sorry, I was more about the umh...next time, part...that I...” Crap, crap, here she went again. Alcohol. She really needed a drink. “I mean, I...”

“You are...” He protested, starting to pull her in by the wrist and then stopping, hand releasing her. He started stripping instead, sighing roughly.

“I'm overthinking. Being silly.” She acknowledged, and then added wryly, “I don't mean to be, you know.”

“You're going to start stammering and hiding if we keep discussing this, and I would rather get out of these wet clothes first.” He pointed out, and she breathed out through her nose, almost a laugh. He was way too right.

“Okay, okay. So...bed?” She asked, and then nodded to herself. “Bed. I don't really want to be more wet. Heh...wet.”

Leaving him to finish undressing, she grabbed a towel and started scrubbing it through her hair. She was still drying herself off when his arm slung around her bare stomach and pulled her in, a small kiss pressed to the back of her neck.

“Thank you.” He murmured, rousing a small laugh from her lips as she craned her head around to try and peek at him.

“For...what?” Furiously scanning her brain for what she might have done -this- time, she really couldn't come up with anything. “Smacking you in the face with a snowball? Because you deserved that.”

“I did.” He agreed, and she let him nudge her around to face him, slinging the towel around his neck. Mmh, bare shoulders. She probably shouldn't be getting distracted, but... “No, that is not what I meant. What I meant was...thank you for today. I did not honestly expect...well, any of this.”

“What, kids' games not so bad?” She teased, snuggling in a little closer, clammy skin a little warmer, but still chilled. “I'm glad you had fun. I suppose all the stuff you do with your friends is a lot more mature and serious. Lots of books and thoughtful noises and pondering, hmm?”

“I mostly keep to myself. I...” He started, and then she felt him shiver.

“Right. Bed. C'mon. Let's get this mini walk of shame over with.” She teased, slipping free of him to turn on the dryer, and then reaching for the door, peeking out. “Ah, it's just Alistair and Cullen, we'll be fine.”

“Ellana...I do not need Cullen seeing me in my underwear.” Solas protested, and she couldn't help a little laugh. “It is not funny!”

“It's a little funny.” She contradicted, and then laughed as he swatted her rear. “Hey! Just wrap the towel around your waist and go straight for the bedroom, then. I'll distract 'em.”

Before he could protest again, she slipped out and headed for the kitchen. Who cared? She was pretty sure that she had a bikini that covered less than the bra and panties she was wearing. And they matched for once. She may not have been the girliest girl around, but c'mon. You have a guy over, you make sure your underwear and bra match, right?

Right.

Also, no cartoon characters. That was at _least_ third date underwear. Not that they were...uh...dating. Exactly. Ellie cut off that line of thought before it broke her brain.

“I need a drink.” She told Cullen, as Alistair turned bright red and flustered. “Hey, Ali-bear. I didn't see you outside!”

“I told Morrigan we were on the same team, but she wouldn't stop picking on me. Not that anyone's surprised by that.” Alistair replied, voice a little higher than usual. “I don't even know why she wanted to play, all she does is find new ways to be horrible. You...seem to have forgotten your clothes, you know.”

He did look a bit battered, poor thing. Morrigan never played fair. She tried not to snicker at that, but it was hard. Cullen was giving her a very tired look, but she just grinned at him, examining the assorted bottles.

“Nope, they're in the dryer, not forgotten. I'll be retreating soon, don't worry.” She heard the bedroom door close behind her, and she grinned a little deeper as Cullen sighed. “Oh come on. Don't give me that look.”

“I am giving you that look because you deserve it.” He replied, and she snickered as she picked up a bottle of wine, turning it over curiously. “If this ends up like the last one...It's going to make things very awkward at work, you do know that, don't you?”

“Oh for...Cullen, stop lecturing me.” She groused, grabbing the bottle of sparkling wine off the counter. She was pretty sure it had been hers at one point anyways, probably for mimosas. “I don't...always run screaming.”

“Yes you do!” He retorted as she turned and waved him off, heading for the bedroom. “I am serious, Ellie! I will not run interference for you this time!”

“I'm...starting to think I'm missing part of this conversation.” Alistair remarked, and then added, hopefully. “Ellie, are you going to come back out when you get changed?”

“Nope, sorry! Gonna go enjoy some quiet time. I'll catch ya later!” She replied, waving the bottle as she opened the door to slip through. “Go get Morrigan for me, though!”

Alistair's response was cut off by the door as she closed it, a little shiver coursing down her spine as she headed for the bed. Her room was cold again. Shit. She really needed to get that plastic stuff for her window. But then she couldn't harass Cullen out of it. Tough choices.

“You'd better not be wearing your wet underwear in my bed.” She informed the lump under her blanket, wandering over to set the bottle on the nightstand, and then strip off her own.

Her response was a hand slipping out of the blankets, groping blindly for a moment before finding her wrist and tugging on her, as she tried to pull down her panties. Laughing, she fended him off, wriggling out of the rest of her clothes and then slipping in to join him.

“You know...if I got dressed, we would both probably warm up a little faster.” She informed him, as he tucked an arm around her waist and pulled her underneath him. Hmmh, nope. No underwear. “Then again...physical activity is good for that, too.”

“I still have not had a chance to say what I wanted to before.” He reminded her, and she heaved a heavy sigh.

“I don't want to talk, I want to have sex. Or at least make out for a while. We already talked.”

“I do want to talk. Talking is something you continue to do, not do once and then drop forever.” He countered, and then laughed against her shoulder when she whined. “Flattered, Ellana, but I am actually being s...”

Frowning, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand away from his rear end, pinning it against the bed. Hopefully she offered him her other hand, and he swatted it aside, pulling up his head to peer down at her.

“Do I literally have to tie you up to get you to talk to me?” He asked her dryly, and then chuckled faintly at the wicked grin she flashed him in the darkness. “Apparently so. Behave.”

“How about half a conversation and a quickie? One sentence and a handjob? A syllable and a spanking?” She negotiated just to make him laugh, low and exasperated, and then finally relented. “Fine, fine, fine. I'm listening.”

“This was...so far out of my expectations for...anything, to be quite honest with you.” He started, and she sighed and tilted her cheek against the top of his head as he took pity on her and broke their eye contact. “I'm not quite certain that I've caught up entirely with what has happened in the last...less than a day.”

“But you said it's good...that this is...good.” She started, more to reassure herself than him, as his fingers lifted to twist in her damp hair. Skin was slowly starting to warm up, especially as she nudged her cold toes around his calves. “Is it still good?”

“Perhaps more than you might feel comfortable with.” He admitted, letting out a quiet breath against her, spilling over the side of her neck. “It is difficult not to notice that you prefer not to speak about such things. But I feel as if I need to. I...cannot remember the last time I have been so happy. Likely a bit premature to admit, but...Ellana, frankly, you know that everyone is aware of how you...”

Despair managed to overtake the flustered desire to flee his words had given her. Okay, right, right. Gossip. And, admittedly, she had some...issues before. This is what she got for telling Sera anything. Great.

“I don't _always_ freak out and run away!” The protest sounded about as convincing as she could manage, and she squirmed uncomfortably underneath him. “Okay, okay. So sometimes I do. It's just...I don't...I have a lot going on, you know. Like...life, and stuff, and people start making demands, and it's just...makes everything harder. I just don't...”

“Would it make it easier if I tried to speak your language?” He asked without even a hint of condescension, and she nodded against him. Yes, please. Shit. Simpler, less chances for her to get uncomfortable. “I would like for this to be a thing, Ellana.”

“I'm not ready.” She admitted in a small voice, once she'd managed to relax her chest a little. “It's going...fast. Like, _woah_ fast...”

“I can be patient. I admit that on this front I am pushing as much as you were on...other fronts.”

“Yeah, but you put up with that. Even knowing how...I am?” That stalled her a little. He'd let her push him, even though he knew what a gigantic car crash she was. She was beginning to feel the shape of something that she _really_ wished she had known before. He'd been prodding her, incrementally, and...shit. “Even knowing...”

“Yes.” He replied simply against her shoulder, and she froze.

_Shit._

Not hard to put those puzzle pieces together, even for her. Okay, so he'd liked her. Before, liked her, like before all this. And not like...her sort of crushes which sort of started at 'hey they're nice' and ended at 'nice ass, I wanna bite it'. And she'd...pushed him into bed, practically. Oh for...

She had told him she liked him, in the walk in. And she'd been telling the truth, but it was...different. Different than this. She'd thought she was chasing him. That made it all different. This felt like taking advantage of him, even though she hadn't known at the start.

“I am an asshole.” She groaned, going limp, slapping a hand over her face. “I am the queen of assholes. Look on my awfulness and despair levels of assholery...Picture...picture in the dictionary...”

“I am a grown man, you know.” He pointed out, seeming more amused than anything with her sudden revelation. “I was fully aware of what I might be getting myself into.”

“I'm not even Andrastian and I think I need to go confess my sins.” She groaned in response, and he laughed against her neck, pressing a small kiss afterwards. “You...sneaky motherfucker. I'm not even mad. How can I be mad? But I'm...”

“Would you have started this if you'd known?” It was barely a question, he already knew the answer.

“No.” She replied simply, and then groaned. “Fuck. How did you get to be so damn tricky? Like, I'm impressed. Is the unassuming, aloof thing some sort of a facade, or...?”

“I will try to take that as a compliment.” Pulling up, he leaned on an elbow and gazed down at her, other hand idly playing with her hair as she frowned up at him. “You managed to have an entire conversation. It seems as if we'd made some progress.”

“Oh shut up.” She replied exasperatedly, pushing down her worries at least for the moment. “You can either get down here and kiss me, or you can get out of my bed.”

 

Lucky for him, he picked the first option. Well...maybe lucky for both of them.

 

 


	11. Tumbler

Ellie's morning had been interesting.  Awkward didn't cover it, nice wasn't accurate.  They were hovering somewhere between the two now, settling for not talking about things and doing a lot of...skin to skin contact.  That she could handle, it made things simple, a lot simpler than trying to navigate the fact that she couldn't just pounce Solas and kick him out the door afterwards.

Or, even worse, that she didn't want to.

“Hi, Leliana!” Using her customer voice wasn't an option. Leli could see right through it. Heck, she'd practically invented it. “Glad they finally dug us out, huh?”

It'd probably be busy today, and she was one of the few people who lived close enough to get called in despite the snow. It looked like it'd be at least a twelve, but honestly, she really needed the money. She'd be exhausted at the end of it, but that was okay. Probably good tips, too.

“Oh yes.” Leliana agreed, and she could already hear the sly note to her voice. Ellana stifled a smile as she unbuttoned her coat. “You know, Ellana, I heard the most peculiar rumor from Sera. I can't quite believe it's true.”

“I'm sorry, Leli, it won't happen again.” She lied penitently, shrugging off her coat. “To be fair, though, I _was_ on my fifteen minute break when Sera caught us. So...maybe just a bad choice of venue?”

“It's true?” It was Josie this time, and the little gasp was what sent her over the edge into laughter, as she tugged her apron on and turned to face them. “Ellie!”

“I said I was sorry!” She was grinning. She knew she was grinning. Leliana certainly was, though Josephine looked more confused and vaguely horrified. “You're probably supposed to scold me right now, Leli. Write me up?”

Not that they had a write up system. Leliana didn't need one. She seemed to always know when someone was worth keeping around or not. It's why everything went so smoothly most days. Days without snow, at least.

“I'm...too impressed, to be quite honest. I didn't know he had it in him!”

She'd known Leliana wouldn't get upset. They'd both been working here too long, and they both did their jobs and didn't cause her stress. She was practical, and Sera'd done much worse and hadn't gotten fired, so...

“Oh, he had it in him.” She shouldn't. No, she really shouldn't. It probably wasn't fair to him, for one, and for another thing, it was just crass as hell, and Leliana was her boss, and. “Not to mention what he had in me. Repeatedly.”

There was basically no way she wasn't going to say it, was there?

“Ellana!” Josephine gasped, while Leliana dissolved into laughter. “You aren't serious. Solas?”

“Oh, she's serious.” Cullen declared exasperatedly, wandering in from the hallway, tugging off his hat and immediately moving to fix his hair. “I slept on my couch last night, you know. Would you like to know _why_ I slept on my couch? Because not only are the walls thin, apparently the floors are, too. I feel sorry for Merrill.”

“Are we all sufficiently gossiped?” Why was she so pleased? Cat that ate the canary. Couldn't help it even if she'd wanted to. “And to be fair, Merrill's kept me up plenty of times. She's a squealer. Growing up in a clan you get used to things being noisy sometimes, it's not a big deal.”

“I do not need to know that!” Cullen barked at her, and this time Josephine was the one who started giggling. “Maker. You're all as bad as each other. We're short staffed today and things are going to be crowded, so can we please start this day off with the minimum of mental trauma?”

“I really don't want to have to schedule you apart, Ellana, or I'd never get any time off, so could you just...please...make sure this isn't too much of a distraction?” Leliana asked hopefully, and then smiled when she nodded firmly. “Thank you. Is Solas at your apartment, then? Good. I might be able to actually get home today at some point if I can call him in.”

“He's studying, I think? I think that's what he was doing. He walked me down so he could get into his car, at least.” She mused, tying her hair up securely, tight enough to make her scalp tingle a little. “I don't think he'd mind being called in, the roads probably won't be clear enough for him to get home until later. Did you have any trouble getting in?”

“A bit.” Josephine told her as they wandered out together, to head for the dining room, leaving Leliana to needle Cullen as he got changed. “But it should be much better by this evening. Dorian said he should be able to make it in at five, with any luck, but other than that, it will probably only be us.”

“Ah well, I need the tips!” She replied cheerfully, mind already going over bank accounts and the college fund, trying to make calculations. She didn't let the thoughts crack her smile. “Can't complain about more money, right?”

“I suppose not.” Josie sighed, a momentary look of concern on her face.

“Something wrong?” She asked the other woman, moving to start taking chairs down from a table. “Not your sister again, is it? It must be really frustrating you that she can't settle on a major.”

“She just does not understand what goes in to getting her into these programs! The time, the money she is wasting...I do not want to _abandon_ her, but how else will she learn?” Josephine started, and she settled in to listen and make sympathetic noises as they set up the dining room.

Sometimes all Josie needed was to get it out, really.

Besides, it helped her stop worrying about her own issues. At least for a little while.

 

 

She had to have known it would start all over again when he got in. She heard edges of the teasing, the gossip, but she was way too busy to care. When he arrived she'd been far too busy to go say hello, which was probably for the best. It would ruin her flow. The energy was high, perfect, and she was poised right on that cusp where everything was working so right that she hadn't quite realized how stressed she was.

Smile, take the order. Use the _voice_. Always gotta use the voice. Skirt between the tables, keep moving, never stop moving. Never stop smiling. Put in the order, load up the tray. Heavy, but she was strong. Working with metal and stuff did that. Back between the tables, but it was a dangerous dance now, which made it more fun.

Cute little nicknames for the kids, flirt with the old guys, compliment the old ladies. Refill coffee for the goth kids, hope maybe they'll actually order something. At least they tipped, and it's not like they could hang out anywhere else right now.

Her feet hurt, dull and throbbing, mostly because they were swollen and she was pretty sure she had a blister forming on her left big toe. The pain wasn't so bad, but twelve hours on her feet was a bit much. Only six left, though. Eighteen. Why had she said she'd work open to close?

Because she needed the money. Right.

Don't let the smile drop.

 

Ellie was in the middle of cashing out a couple tables up front when Dorian approached her, leaning on the podium, gesturing to her.

“Give them. Give them here.” He demanded, taking the wallets out of her hands, and then gesturing to her apron. “Give me that, too, and then go _eat something_ before I lose my temper. The dinner rush is over, and if I have to see you get any more wan, I might start feeling sorry for you. We wouldn't want that, would we?”

“I'm fine.” She replied vaguely, irritated that he'd interrupted her rhythm. She was about to swipe a card when he snatched it out of her fingers. “Hey!”

“Lavellan, if you don't go eat something, I'm going to do something I regret. Namely, get involved in your little bedroom farce and tell Solas that you haven't eaten a thing since...when?” His exasperation finally cut through the fog, and she let him take the wallets out of her fingers.

“Ten.” She admitted, giving a little grimace, and then rallying a more playful tone as she untied her apron. “But I've had lots of soda! And...what, no teasing about Solas? Unexpected, Dorian.”

“I will tease you when you don't look on the edge of collapse. Go eat something, and I'll hide a shot under the bar for you. But only if you put something in your stomach!” He yanked the apron out of her hands, and then shoved her.

With a sigh, she trudged on her walk of shame back to the kitchen. Now her feet were really hurting. Ouch.

“Cullen, I've been banished.” She whined at him as she trudged back. Honestly, he looked about as good as she did. Dinner rush had been hell. His hair might have even been slightly messed up.

“It's about time.” He replied roughly, lowering his glass of water and then turning to wash his hands. “I was about to tell the manager.”

“Not you too.” She groaned, moving to get her own drink from the table, fishing a cherry out of it and shoving it into her mouth. “I work with a bunch of tattle tales.”

Whew, she really was feeling a little dizzy. Blinking rapidly, she tried to focus on the wall as it abruptly tilted, body sagging as the last of the adrenaline left her. Suddenly the corners of her vision blacked out, the rest fading out slowly. She almost thought she could hear Cullen shouting at her, but from a pretty long way away.

Hah, that was pretty... _oh._

 

_Shit._

 

 

Her nose was cold. That was an issue, because it tickled, too, and she didn't quite remember what she was supposed to do to fix it. Wrinkling it got her a towel to wipe up the droplet of water, which solved the problem, and then the chill from her forehead was removed, and wiped as well.

That was good. Cleared her head a little, as it was feeling pretty foggy. Blearily, she let her eyes flutter open, and she smiled, sleepily.

“G'morning, gorgeous.” She murmured, which just made him sigh. Was he annoyed? She couldn't tell. “I...”

“Fainted.” Solas replied, but this time she could tell he was worried, as her brain slowly started functioning again. “Dorian said you haven't eaten since ten in the morning? Ellana, it's after seven!”

“Was busy.” She protested, gaze shifting to try and take in their surroundings. The office, of course. Nowhere else with a couch. “Been a busy day. Hi, how are you?”

She tried to sit up, and his hand shifted to her shoulder. Irritation rose, as she swatted him away. This was too damn embarrassing. Fainting. Seriously, who fainted?

“Ten minutes. If you're going to be this obstinate, you're going to give me that.” He ordered, and she fell back with a groan of annoyance. “Ten minutes, and a full meal, and I will only let you go back out if you start looking better.”

“I like you better naked.” She informed him, and almost got a smile for her trouble. “Fine, but I'm only doing what manager Solas tells me, not other Solas. And I need him to remember that.”

“Thank you.” He replied with a surprising amount of tender relief, leaning down to kiss her forehead, a hint of warmth against her chilled skin.

“Ah ah.” She warned, pushing a hand against his shoulder, covering up the abrupt stab of discomfort his tone of voice had roused with a bit of humor. “Manager Solas doesn't get kisses. You don't get to order me around and get kisses.”

“I'll go get your dinner.” He finally replied, after an odd moment of silence, resting a hand on her hair a moment before rising and turning for the door. “Just close your eyes for a few minutes, you need the rest if you're going to be stubborn.”

Sighing, she splayed a hand over her face as he rose to slip out, closing her eyes. As the door clicked closed, she indulged in a quiet curse under her breath.

“Fuck.”

Embarrassing. That's what this was. She didn't want him to think that she was some sort of idiot that went around fainting and being all stupid. Ugh. She didn't need...

She didn't need him to think he had to _protect_ her. She could take care of herself.

“Did a pretty shitty job of it there.” She reminded herself, and then closed her eyes with an exasperated sigh.

 


	12. Not a Romance

Feet. Feet hurt.

Legs, too, and maybe her head. She was basically just over today. The tips helped, made her feel better. The paycheck would be nice, too, but the tips were great. Maybe she could treat herself to something. She wouldn't, but maybe she could.

“Good game.” She told exhausted Cullen as he slumped out of the back door, grumbling the whole way. They were the only two that'd stayed the whole day.

Dorian was gone, kitchen was closed up, dining room clean. She'd put it off as long as possible. It was just them now. They'd been too busy, and her too exhausted to be naughty, honestly. Not that she...wanted him any less, but her pride was still feeling a bit bruised from earlier. But...well, it was time.

“Hey.” She called, leaning against the doorframe, trying to look casual and just feeling slumped. Solas glanced up from his paperwork, glancing over her once. That bugged her, the reflexive little 'check on her' flicker of his eyes. “C'mon, I'm not that fragile. Don't...please don't do that...we're all done, I'm...I'm gonna...head home, okay?”

Casual, brain! Not stammering. Shit. She didn't want to make this a thing. She was just heading home, it wasn't like...they'd just basically spent a day and a half glued to each other, but that didn't have to mean anything. Did it?

“Ten minutes?” He asked simply, and she found herself nodding before she'd even managed to register it.

The couch was nearby, and she wobbled over to sink down onto it, letting out a quiet breath as she drew her legs up and curled in against the arm. It was covered in that gross, slightly-scratchy upholstery, but at least her feet were off the ground. Eyes slitted against the bright light, she watched him work, somewhere between dozing and meditating.

He was awfully handsome. It was hard not to admire him despite the stupid tie, angles of his face as he leaned forward, the way his eyes darkened when his brow furrowed. A sculptural face, which she of all people could appreciate. Once or twice he glanced up at her, the second time making him clear his throat and look away quickly.

Was she smiling? She must have been. Probably a particularly silly smile.

Her coat was warm, and the room was warm, but she was more exhausted than tired. They'd slept a lot yesterday after goofing around outside. Napped, had sex, cuddled, drifted off again, maybe repeated the process a couple times. Which was good, because she'd needed to be well rested today. Sadly, her poor throbbing feet hadn't been up to the task.

The room started swimming as she gazed at the desk, and eventually she gave up and let her lashes flutter closed. Slowly, they swept across and fractured her vision before closing it off entirely, as a sigh escaped her lips.

 

Soft, a gentle nudge of her chin and a delicate tug of her lower lip as he caught it in the kiss, small and affectionate while his thumb stroked against her cheek. She could accept it in this bleary half-awake state, making a small, thick sound of inquiry in the back of her throat.

“Let's get you home.” Solas suggested, and all she could do was sigh as he tucked an arm around her securely and tugged her up, letting her sway against him.

The instant her feet hit the ground she forgot herself and winced, eyes opening at last, fog cleared by the stab of pain. She couldn't bring herself to find out what his expression was.

“I'm fine. I'm fine.” She protested, a hint of a mumble, still slow with sleep. “You need to get home yourself, don't you?”

“I...probably could, yes.” He allowed, glancing down at her. She could see up his nose. Probably not worth mentioning. “Or I could go in the morning. I will leave it up to you.”

Her gut said stay, and her mouth nearly did, too. And it would have...if he hadn't told her what he had yesterday. She took a few seconds to consider that. So, she'd be perfectly happy to drag him home with her again if she thought he didn't want a relationship, but since he'd been honest with her, she was considering ditching him?

Well, when she actually worked through it like that, it kind of made her feel like an asshole.

Maybe she should try just to focus on what she wanted.

“Yes.” It escaped her lips in a sigh, and she couldn't look at him. This wasn't a...feelings thing, it wasn't a thing. But it was, and she couldn't look at him and say it, too. “But I'm...tired, and I hurt, and my feet are literally covered in blisters and I'm not...you know, fun Ellana, so maybe it's a bad idea if you do. Even though I want you to.”

“Can you walk? I will be honest, I doubt I can find parking any closer than here.” His voice went a little teasingly wry, and she was both grateful for it and considering smacking him. “I would offer to carry you on my back, but you would probably accuse me of trying to baby you and throw a fit.”

“I don't...throw fits.” She protested, tucking in against his side as he wrapped an arm around her. “I can walk, I can walk.”

Even if she couldn't, she wouldn't let him know that as he led her out, and they headed into the cold. Eventually she managed to get him to stop hanging onto her, but his hand twisted into hers immediately after she escaped. She should probably find it less sweet, now that she knew his...well, intentions.

But it still kind of made her a little giddy, even through the exhaustion.

“Do you ever wonder...” She started, her exhausted mind speaking without consulting the rest of her. She wasn't sure where it came from, but that was okay. “If you can only be completely content in life if you only care about yourself?”

For a time, just the crunching of their feet, as she turned her gaze up to watch the moon through theon orange-tinted haze of light pollution. His arm twisted just a little around hers, to anchor her as she wandered skyward.

“Sometimes...it does feel that way.” He agreed, and she watched the fog of his breath in the air. “Where did this come from, I wonder?”

“Just I wonder what goes on in...in other people's minds, you know? It must be so comforting to think you're the center of the universe. Is that a weird thing to say? Maybe.” She was rambling, she knew she was, but her mind was free of the long day and wanted to go off somewhere, it seemed. “I just envy people who can have that...clarity of purpose. Unwavering egocentrism.”

“Clarity of purpose? Perhaps it is at that, but it would come at great cost.” She was grateful he didn't seem too put off by her weird tired out brain, fishing a key out of her purse as they approached the building. “I have seen what that looks like, after all, and I cannot recommend it.”

“Hah. Yeah, I suppose so. Andruil's kinda scary. And so's your uncle. And your aunts.” She mumbled, unlocking the door and shoving it open for both of them.

“Sylaise is technically my cousin. She's only my aunt by...marriage.” He replied, stalling at the look she gave him. “It _is_ true.”

“Is there a way to explain that without incest?” She asked, letting him take the lead again as they headed upstairs. He still had her hand. She wasn't complaining.

“Yes, but only barely. She's Mythal's daughter from her first marriage, and she...married her second husband's younger brother.” He laughed faintly at the face she made. “They care a great deal about keeping family close and under control.”

“Jeez, how did you escape?” She asked, and then peeked over her shoulder at him, key in the lock of her front door. The question made him frown, and it wasn't his 'I'm thinking' frown. “Wrong thing to ask? Wrong thing to ask. Sorry.”

“No, I am simply...not entirely sure that I have.” He replied musingly.

They both lapsed into silence then, wandering off into their own thoughts. She locked up, and their hands finally dropped as they both got out of their outerwear. She was wondering what to say when abruptly her poor tired head was spinning, a gentle lurch of shifting perspective as he tucked his arms around her and scooped her up.

“H-hey!” She protested awkwardly, clinging to him out of reflex, fingers twisting in his shirt.

“I am tired of watching you hobble around because you're stubborn.” A small kiss was planted to her forehead in the darkness, and she scowled. “There is no one here who might see you. Could you please relax and allow me to help?'

“F-fine...” She grumbled, hiding her face against his shoulder, letting out a little sigh. “But I'm...it's not...I'm not going to be happy about it. Complaint officially lodged.”

“Understood. Bed or bath?” He was lucky he didn't sound smug, that's all she could say about this.

It was a good question. On one hand, lying down sounded so good, on the other hand, her feet were horrible and swollen, and she'd been working all day and...yuck. Just a general sort of yuck that came with working with food all day.

“Bath.” She finally decided, firmly. “I need a bath. I don't know if we'll both fit, though. It's kinda old.”

“I enjoy a challenge.” The teasing in his voice roused a smile.

“Yeah, obviously.” She retorted dourly, and felt him chuckle silently as he navigated the apartment. “I made a couple sales today, so that's good. It's not...big ones, but it's something. I'll have to go to the post office tomorrow and ship them off.”

“Is there a reason you don't...discuss your work? I never even realized you were an artist.” He bumped the bathroom door open, with his shoulder. “I suppose I assumed you were still in school, like Dagna and Dorian and I.”

“It's not like...a big thing.” She started, lifting a brow as he plopped her down on the edge of the bathroom sink. “The comments get old. 'Well, that's why you're a waitress!' or just questions about what I actually expect to do with it, or...and then there's the people that expect you to make them stuff at a discount or for free or whatever, because 'well, it's fun for you, isn't it? It's not like it's your job.'”

Blinking, she glanced down as he tugged off one of her shoes, and blew out a little sigh. He was just...

“Really? You're going to undress me?” She tried not to sound just as exasperated as she felt, but he only laughed. “Oh come on. This is embarrassing!”

“I really do wonder why it embarrasses you, as we are the only two people here.” He tugged off the other shoe, and then reached out to start unbuttoning her shirt, ignoring her faint grumble. “I suppose I can see how those kinds of comments would be unwelcome. Have you thought about trying to support yourself on your work? Galleries...”

“Can't take that risk. It would take way too much hustling and so much of my time, and for what? The hope that it might work out? No. No, I can't do that.” She didn't really like talking about it, but it was dark, and she was so tired and his hands were soothing and warm, sliding the shirt down her shoulders. “It...it was different before my mom got sick, but it is what it is, and I have to think about Mira. I'm happy. No, it's not...ideal, but I'm happy.”

“Well, by that measure of success, I suppose...” He started, and then stopped when she laughed.

“What other measure is worth a damn?” She replied teasingly, and then tilted her head at the odd look he gave her. “Don't hear that often enough, huh?”

Silence for a moment, as he tossed her shirt in the basket on top of the washer, and she pulled her feet up to tug off...well, peel off her socks. Ouch. Her feet felt hot, throbbing. The bath would feel good. She was in the middle of stripping off her undershirt when he finally spoke again.

“No, it seems I do not. I do try to say it to myself, but it is pleasant to hear someone else say it.”

“I do what I can.” She replied, and had meant for it to be teasing. It sure didn't come out that way. Clearing her throat roughly, she tried to banish the unwanted sentiment from her voice. “I mean. You know. Gotta...give what you want to get out of the world, right?”

“Hmh.” He agreed, and she was grateful he ignored the inadvertent hitch in her tone. “I suppose the wiring here is far too old for a dimmer. Do you have anything that could provide just a little light?”

She countered the little flutter in her stomach with a sour grimace, letting it seep into her tone as she threw her shirt at the back of his head. He turned in the dark and eyed her as he silently removed it from his shoulder.

“Don't you think I don't know what you're doing with the...carrying me and...undressing me...and I'm not telling you where the candles are...” She trailed off as he approached, maintaining her glower as his fingers slid along her jaw and tucked under her chin, lifting her mouth up to his. “Those are for...emergencies...”

She barely got it out before he was kissing her, far too slowly for her taste. Usually. It wasn't nice of him to prey on her when she was all exhausted, and it's not like she couldn't take care of...

A little shiver tickled down her spine as his hand slid from the back of her neck down to the catch of her bra, undoing it after a brief exploration. She leaned in to him, but he kept the caress of his lips infuriatingly gentle, pulling back to slide the straps down her arms, and then toss it aside.

“Please.” He finally murmured.

“Why are you so mean?” She asked plaintively, wriggling against the sink for a moment before relenting with a heavy sigh. “There's...a couple finished lamps in the purple plastic bin in my closet. Will that work?”

“Yes. Will you draw the bath, please? If your feet feel up to it.” He offered her a hand under her elbow, and she carefully slid to her feet, only wincing a little.

“Ouch. Yep, I've got...it...” She agreed, voice trailing off to a shudder as his fingers slid across her ribs, knuckles nudging the underside of a breast. “I am not happy with you right now, I hope you know that!”

“I do.” He replied, and this time his voice bordered on smug as he slipped out of the bathroom.

Stomach flexing inwards with the slow, rippling breath she forced in, she let her scowl fade as she turned towards the tub.

She might have even indulged in a soft, secret smile.

Maybe.

 

 

Arranging in the bath was a little bit tricky, though it did seem to be barely big enough for both of them. Obviously she ended up in his lap, because that was the only way they could both settle in. Not for any other reason. She settled slowly, letting the warmth seep fully into her as his arms slid around her. Where else could they go?

Just like her head belonged on his upper chest, his chin on top of her head. Just like it had only made sense that he wash her, since he was behind her and all. It was just sensible. Practical.

_Not romantic._

She was starting to think he hadn't kissed her again just to punish her. Was he waiting for her to make a move? It didn't seem so, as he was gazing at the far wall of the bathroom, light highlighting the bridge of his nose, his brow.

“You seem kind of in...” Her tongue tripped over the word she'd almost said, and substituted glibly, “Awe of that silly lamp. Do you like it?”

“Everything I have seen so far that you create I like, but yes, this one in particular. It is meant to be...” He started, reaching down to give a small upward tug of her thigh.

She followed the demand without thinking, knee lifting out of the water as her leg folded. The air was warm enough now that it didn't chill her, green and blue light spilling across her wet skin, gleaming.

“A willow tree, yep. It's an older piece. Hasn't sold. Not everything does, when I have to charge how much time something actually cost me. That one took a long time.” Both of his hands tucked around her foot, and she became abruptly aware of what he was doing when his thumbs rolled against the arch, testingly. “Oooh...okay...I...”

Brain. Not working.

She settled for groaning, going limp against him as he massaged her still-swollen foot. Bastard. He was just being flat out cruel tonight, really. Merciless.

“You're the worst.” She sighed, and was finally rewarded with a kiss, brief though it was against her parted lips. She tried to follow it as it was pulled away, but the angle made it impossible. She squinted upwards in the dark, but again was only rewarded with the edges of him, and not the whole of him.

“I will take that as a compliment, considering the source.” He gentled his hands immediately when he found the blister on her big toe, rousing a wince. “You need to be more careful with your feet. Don't you have any more comfortable shoes?”

“Gotta go for the best tips. Comfortable doesn't equal best.” She replied drowsily, as he switched to her other foot. “Not like I'm wearing stilettos. Ooh, you are...good at that...”

“Apparently self-preservation isn't as much of a priority as a few extra dollars?” It was almost a tease, but for some reason it roused a hint of discomfort, cutting through the fog of warmth and relaxation. Defensive impulse had her talking before she realized it.

“I guess I'm pretty bad at that, yeah, or you wouldn't be here.”

Her words hung heavily in the steamy air, but his hands didn't stop their massaging, a faint 'hmmh' eventually escaping, reaching her ear against his wet chest before leaving his throat. For some reason it didn't seem like she could bother him, and she couldn't rouse enough energy to actually push him away.

“I am starting to think your instincts are perhaps a bit...misguided.” He murmured against her, and then chuckled as she grumped, his breath hitching at the end. “May I take you to bed?”

“Only if we're going to have sex.” Sharp, too sharp, but she didn't bother retracting it.

He took pity on her at last, hand sliding up to cup between her thighs, insinuating a single finger to tease her, making her breath catch in the back of her throat as her hips lifted.

“Yes. But my way this time.” He murmured, and even if she'd felt like complaining, she couldn't formulate anything intelligent. Especially not as his lips found the curve where her neck met her shoulder, and breathed against it. “Please.”

Her hips lifted slightly as he idly toyed with her, as infuriatingly slow as everything had been tonight.

But still...if he was going to ask nicely...

 

 

Somehow she found herself being bundled up in a towel and carried again, positively resenting every second of it. She knew he could feel her glaring, but she had the distinct impression he was enjoying it. Warmth of the bath and the positively sinful footrub and, admittedly, the sinuous thrum of arousal twisting her stomach kept her pliant despite the sulk.

“You are going to spoil me.” She sighed reluctantly, and he just chuckled again. Infuriating, that breathy little noise, especially when it spilled against her skin.

“Have you ever let yourself be spoiled, I wonder?” Her response was lost as he tossed her down onto the bed, and she realized he'd already turned on the lamp and tugged down the blankets.

A moment passed, pleasure warring with fear and discomfort, and finally she hunched her shoulders and curled up.

“You're hopeless.” She replied, maybe a little to sourly. A little flush of shame rose, and she glanced away as she tossed the towel to the floor. “I...sorry.”

His fingers splayed against her mouth to silence her, and she parted them, tongue flickering over his fingertips as he curled them against her lower lip. The mattress sagged as he settled behind her, free hand reaching blindly for the nightstand.

This part, this part they'd figured out all too well by now. So short a time, but so much intimacy. At least, the kind that she liked. She could feel his breath stalling as she bit his fingers, the condom fumbled into her hands to tear open. She wanted to be rough, to keep him from winning, but his thumb was stroking her jaw and she was just so tired and relaxed.

She was so tired, but she wanted him so badly.

She wanted to give in so badly.

His hand left her mouth, and then it...they were everywhere as she reached down, guiding him into her. Fingers splaying, cupping, she groaned as his hips thrust in and up, a familiar ache now, but much too slow.

_Much._

“More.” She demanded as he rolled her onto her stomach, rear end lifting to meet his hips.

“No.” He replied languidly, and then chuckled as she whined, only to breathe in sharply as he buried himself inside her, hips grinding. “No. Be patient.”

He used his weight against her, pinning her against the mattress, curling an arm under her stomach to keep her from being crushed while the other tucked under her head. She couldn't like it, of course, being held like that, almost possessively. It was, that's what it was, the way he clung to her, the way he filled her. Possessive.

Her mind tried to ignore it, but she couldn't ignore the sensations his hips began to roll, achingly slow, torturous thrusts. She could feel every inch, each shift of his body tearing little noises from her throat, nerves making her squirm.

“Harder.” She demanded, embarrassed by the desperate squeak in her voice.

“No.” Yet again the word rolled off his tongue with an almost self-satisfied cadence, infuriating and low. “Though please feel free to beg again.”

She wanted to growl, curse at him, she did, but his hand underneath her slid down to tease, slick and clever, and she was suddenly too distracted. The arm around her head tucked in more securely, fingers delving into her hair, but his hips didn't speed up.

He was unrelenting, and it was completely infuriating. Every time she started to tense, whimper, he pulled back, leaving her soft and shivering. He barely moved inside her, and every time she'd started rocking her hips he'd pin her until she settled. It was...

_It was just plain mean._

She couldn't remember at this point why she'd been so busy fighting him off earlier, because all she could think about now was that she wished he'd stop _tormenting_ her. Every nerve was trembling, every touch made her squirm, and she'd been pushed almost to the edge so many times she was doubting she'd be able to break over it at last.

“If this is some sort of punishment...” She managed to whimper out as he kissed the side of her face, hand splayed with infuriating innocence against her lower stomach.

“Perhaps I am just enjoying you instead of letting you take over?” He suggested breathlessly, and then laughed roughly at the faint growl she dredged up. “You're right. You've had a long day...”

His arms tightened securely, with enough tender affection that she'd be cringing any other time, and his hips finally picked up at last. The first few thrusts had her crying out in relief, body bouncing underneath her, his fingers slipping just low enough to tease her again. The other arm was tucked under her head, fingers curling against her scalp as as he drove her to the edge and over it at last, grinding up against her rear end.

It was embarrassing how close she'd been, how little she'd needed all this time. It was so easy for him.

She twisted, but he held her, murmuring reassurances as she cried out and squirmed. One particularly hard twist of her body and he gave in as well, a moan escaping against her ear as his hips drove up. Bliss in that moment, and she forgot just why she'd been so angry with him, so frustrated. It was just...right. It was good.

He was just as lost as she was when he came.

Eventually the sharp pleasure faded into soft satiation, chasing off the aches and pains. Her panting was echoed by his breath against her ear, a little shudder nudging his hips against her ass again before he settled.

Sleepy. She was so sleepy, but she felt like she should say something.

She just didn't know what to say.

 

While she was trying to think of what that might be, she drifted off to sleep in his arms.

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was reminded that I promised to re-upload this and did not. The epilogue was lost at some point, I can't find it. Sorry. New readers, I hope you enjoy the story.

The insistent, irritating chirrup of a phone alarm dragged her out of a sound sleep, and she gave a slow, protesting groan in the back of her throat. It wasn't hers, but it was a particularly annoying one, piercing and sharp. Being smothered at the moment by a shoulder, arm caught at an uncomfortable angle, all she could do was grumble and prod blindly until he shifted vaguely atop her with a mumbled apology. The alarm fell silent. 

Heavy, thick silence took over again, the arm under her shoulder and behind her neck tightening a little. She could feel him waking up, muscle by muscle, the ripple of his chest as he breathed in and then exhaled heavily against the pillow. The arm around her squeezed once, and then he carefully extricated himself.

Solas rolled over onto his side, taking the weight off of her, but she kept her eyes closed. Too tired. She was in no mood to wake up, and it hadn't even been her alarm. She had almost dozed back off again when the end of her nose got poked. She wrinkled it, and he chuckled faintly, barely audible. The second poke got swatted.

“M'not working. Not getting up.” She growled, keeping her slight scowl as she felt his lips press against her warm forehead. “...mean it.”

“I know. I think you should rest as well, but I have a few lectures and then work, so I need to be leaving.” He sounded as tired as she did, and for a moment she considered pulling him back down. 

But then again...effort.

“M'kay.” It was all she could come up with for a moment, but her brain insisted that there was probably something else she should say. Eventually she slurred, “...See ya.”

Silence again, but this time her brain was alert enough to realize that it wasn't completely the good kind. She didn't manage to open her eyes, though. Finally he sighed, kissed her forehead again, and the bed shifted as he got up. She pulled the blanket over her head, blocking out any potential light. 

“I will call you later?” The hopeful question came from far enough away that she barely heard it, but she managed to mumble something that probably sounded like 'uh huh'. At least, she hoped it did.

She'd fallen back to sleep by the time the bedroom door closed.

 

It was noon by the time she'd dragged herself up, feet still aching but not quite so bad. The blisters were pretty nasty, though, and 'disgusting' apparently, which was what Dorian texted her when she sent him pictures of them. It wasn't a good day unless she'd done something to annoy Dorian, though, really.

When she headed out to the post office to ship off her sales, the streets were looking pretty clear. Hopefully that meant she wouldn't get called into work. Still, every time her phone buzzed with a text or email, she got a little jumpy. She wouldn't be able to say no, she did need the money, but...well, it was the last thing she felt like doing.

She'd managed to send off her packages, stop in to say hi to Anders and ask about the kittens, and then let herself wander into Morrigan's little indie shop to pick up some things for her sister before realization dawned.

Oh. Shit.

She'd been a jerk this morning.

Like, worse than one night stand manners. 'Oh my god who is this misshapen troll drunk me brought home last night' manners. Didn't offer breakfast, didn't offer coffee, didn't even muster a proper goodbye, just basically ignored him until he'd gone away.

“Shit!” She exclaimed loudly, getting a startled stare from behind the counter. “I'm an asshole.” 

“Welcome to the sisterhood.” Morrigan replied drily. “Sadly, there is no discount available for those of our ilk.”

“Yes, thank you, Morrigan.” She sighed, gathering up some of the soap her sister liked, and maybe indulged in a bar for herself. She'd earned it last night, hadn't she? “No, I just...sort of...started seeing someone, and maybe I was unintentionally a terrible person this morning without meaning to be.”

Setting out the things on the counter, she fished her wallet out of her messenger bag, feeling rather on the spot by the look she was getting.

“I thought that perhaps I had heard something of the sort, but did not believe it.” Morrigan replied cagily, finally starting to wrap her things. “It is true, then?”

“Mmh. How do you say 'I'm sorry' without actually having to use words? Something like a card, but better, that doesn't require me actually having to talk. Because we both know I'll just make it worse if I try.” She passed over her card, eyeing the smirk on Morrigan's face with some suspicion.

“Ah, well...it may be that there is a simple solution.” Yep, that was a smug expression, though she couldn't for the life of her figure out why. “Why not go 'round the corner to visit Alistair, and have him make something up? Much more effective than a card or text message.”

“Ah! Morrigan, you're a genius.” Quickly she slashed her signature across the reciept, and then grabbed her bag and card, tucking both away. “That's perfect...”

Trailing off as she watched Morrigan lock up the register, she raised both brows.

“What?”

“Oh, I have suddenly been struck with a great desire for a cup of tea. I will accompany you.” She replied, moving to get the door with a tip of her head. “Come, let us go before the high school lets out, and we are forced to linger behind the teenage girls come to ogle our dear Alistair.”

“You've thought of something evil, haven't you.” Ellana asked suspiciously, letting her arm be swept up all the same after Morrigan locked up.

“Perhaps.” The sly smile said it all, really.

 

 

“Ellie!” The pleased call as they slipped into the coffee shop was short lived, Alistair's voice turning sour. “And...Morrigan. How wonderful.”

“It is as if you are not pleased to see me, Alistair.” Morrigan declared as she swanned up to the counter, with a feline smile. “A cup of tea for me, if you please, and I believe Ellana is in need of...”

“Can you do me up one of those silly giant cookie things, Ali-bear?” She asked hopefully. “I know they're supposed to be ordered in advance, but...I fucked up and need an emergency apology.”

“Of...of course I can! I can't imagine you could have done anything that horrible, though.” Alistair replied, and she grinned and shrugged at the smile he gave her.

“Horrible enough to warrant a giant cookie. I was thinking... 'Sorry I'm a dick.' You know. Accurate. Short. To the point.” She decided, opening her satchel. “I'll pay for Morrigan's tea, too.”

“That is not a very romantic apology, Ellana, is it?” Morrigan interrupted smoothly, staring at Alistair as she fished in her bag. “Are you quite certain that is what you want it to say?”

“Hah! Well, he of all people knows I'm incapable of being romantic, so I'd rather go with sincere, y...” Glancing up, she gave Alistair a puzzled look as she met his crestfallen expression. “Sorry. Sorry! What did I do?”

“I...n-nothing. I just am not supposed to...put curse words on them.” Alistair stammered quickly, cheeks reddening.

Oh. Right. He was awful at saying no, wasn't he? Morrigan was smirking at him, which may have been why he looked so uncomfortable. She never passed up an opportunity to make him jump a little. 

“Oh. You...can't make an exception?” Before he could answer, she quickly waved a hand. “No, no. It's fine. Just change it to 'jerk'. 'Sorry I'm a jerk'. That'll work. I wouldn't want you to get in trouble, not when I'm already asking a favor of you. And some...I don't know. Whatever people put on those things. Hearts? Flowers? Sad faces? Something.”

“It'll...be about ten minutes, is that all right?” Alistair finally replied, taking her card as she nodded. “There you go, I'll just...go...and take care of...”

He left her holding both receipts and wandered off into the back, leaving her completely puzzled. She signed his and left it on the counter, turning to grinning Morrigan.

“Okay, I give up, what did I miss?” She asked helplessly.

“To tell you would ruin the joke entirely, Ellana. You will have to live with the disappointment.” Morrigan replied enigmatically, and she sighed, rolling her eyes.

How could she have expected anything different?

 

 

It was silly, she could just text him, but the idea had gotten into her head and stuck there. A quick text to Josie let her know when he started that night, and from there it was easy. Sneak in through the back door, wait in the break room until she saw him leave the office. The only person that even saw her was Dagna, and she responded to the little shush and finger to the lips with a cheerful grin, and turned back to the kitchen.

She left the box on his desk and was out of there and heading back home probably before he'd even gone back to the office. Nice. Just like a super spy. A cookie-delivering super spy. It was cold, and she was in a hurry, but still her phone started ringing as she was slipping into the building, opening the door with her shoulder.

Tossing her keys to her other hand, she slipped out her phone and answered it, lifting it to her ear as she padded up the stairs. Silence on the other end for just a couple seconds, and then laughter, low and quiet. She did love hearing him laugh, it had a way of shivering right down her breastbone to make her stomach squirm.

“I'm bad at apologies. And waking up.” She finally murmured when he finished, a smile on her lips as well as she unlocked the apartment door, pushing through it. 

“I admit that I had felt the slightest bit unwelcome this morning. Apology accepted.” His voice against her ear kept her smile in place, deepening a little as he continued. “Though next time perhaps a text will suffice.”

Merrill and Isa were on the couch watching a movie, and she waved with her keys as she slipped through, heading for the quiet of her room. She may have gotten half a wave back, but it looked like Merrill might have dozed off.

“Why say it with a text when you can say it with an oversized cookie? I just...” Sighing, she closed the door and leaned back against it, voice going lower as she tucked the phone closer. “I'm really bad at this. And...I don't always notice when I've done the wrong thing, so maybe...you can consider this apology an advance on the next few I'm gonna need?”

“Will it help if I tell you when and why I am upset, or would that only make it worse?”

A flood of relief coursed through her at his words, eyes closing.

“No. That would be...amazing, actually. If...you could do that.” It was easier on the phone, that was the only reason she could think of for the confession that slipped out of her. “I really don't wanna screw this up. And I'm pretty sure I'm going to, so...any help you could give me here would be...great.”

“Understood.” His voice was reassuringly brisk, comfortingly low in her ear. “Though I think you might be surprised, if you let yourself relax even a little.”

“Baby steps! You got a cookie, shut up.” She grumbled, in the hopes that he'd laugh again. She got at least a brief chuckle, which was nice. “What's the chances that after work...”

“Not tonight, Ellana. I have a long day tomorrow.”

She gave a small 'mmh', trying to ignore the stab of disappointment. Well, c'mon. Even if she did live close to work, four days in a row? That'd be...well, a bit much. He was probably right. Oh, he was still talking...

“...Was thinking that on Friday evening after close, you might accompany me? They have a midnight showing at the old theater down on twelfth.”

“What...like a date?” Why did that fluster her? Why was she flustered? She could hear it leeching into her voice. “I...umh...”

“Yes, Ellana. A date. Is that truly so difficult to believe?” She couldn't tell if he was more amused, or exasperated.

“No...?” She replied, and then scowled when he laughed. “Oh shut up. Fine! I'll go on a date with you. Ugh.”

His laughter stalled, and he sighed, heavily. She could almost hear annoyance in his voice, which shouldn't have surprised her, but did.

“Not precisely the response I was hoping for.”

“I...I'm sorry...” Shame rose, and she ducked her head despite there being no one to see her. Her voice grew small. “I didn't mean it like...I...see? See, this is what I do. This is what I do every time.”

A pause, and she could almost hear him thinking through the phone, her lips pursing together nervously, stomach unsettled.

“We're starting over.” He declared decisively, and before she could ask what he meant, he continued, “Ellana, would you care to accompany me to a movie on Friday night after work?”

“I...” She let out a quiet breath, pushing away her self-recrimination and discomfort. “Yes, that sounds nice. I'd love to. As long as there's gummy bears.”

“We may have to sneak them in, but I believe that can be accomplished. I look forward to it.” His voice gentled, just a little. “That wasn't so difficult after all, was it?”

“More than it should be.” She murmured, and then finally smiled again, relaxing against the door. “But no, I guess...it wasn't. I...should let you get back to work.”

“You are probably right. Good night. Thank you again for the ah...apology.” His voice was soft, soothingly reminding her of waking up next to him.

Something that she enjoyed enough that it'd kind of suck not to be doing so tomorrow. But...she couldn't skip the bits she wasn't good at and expect him to just go along with it. That wasn't exactly fair. Hopefully she wouldn't ruin everything trying to navigate it all.

“You're welcome. Good night.” 

The phone clicked quietly in her ear, and she lowered it to gaze thoughtfully, lips pursing together.

She really...really hoped she could do this, but she knew better than to think she'd done all the screwing up she was going to do.

If there was one thing she was good at, it was screwing up.

“Maybe it'd be better just to call it off now.” She groaned to herself, closing her eyes and curling both hands around her phone. Her fingers tightened, and she bit her lower lip.

Better in the long run, probably, and just better for him overall to not have to deal with her shit. But...she really didn't want to end things. Ugh, why did everything have to be so hard?

Damn it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Three days.

She couldn't believe that somehow it'd been three whole days. Not as if she hadn't gone a lot longer before, but it was...feast and famine. How was that fair? Okay, he was busy, and okay, maybe she was busy too, but their schedules hadn't even lined up until Friday, a fact she wasn't even aware of until it was too late.

And okay, maybe he had school, and she had stuff she should be making, but three days?

He hadn't even had time to call. Maybe she could have called him, but she texted him to call her if he had time, and he hadn't, so...obviously he was too busy. And okay they'd been texting every day and sending pictures, but that was just...friendly stuff. He was so curious about her work, after all. Just casual stuff.

That was all. Nothing more than that, it was just...why did she care so much?

 

She didn't. 

 

But she did. And that was sort of worrying, because she normally didn't. At all.

It wasn't really the time for those thoughts, though.

The door practically slammed open under her palm as she slipped in, shivering all the while. Turning on a heel, she shoved it closed before Sera could follow her, grimacing as melting snow dripped down the back of her jacket. Once the door latched she made a run for it, avoiding the break room and ducking into the office.

It was empty, but she was more concerned with avoiding revenge than she was with finding Solas. The desk. That would work. Pelting across the room, she tugged out the chair and slid under it, pulling the chair back after her just in time to hear the back door open.

“Where is she?!” Sera bellowed, and she barely hid a snicker, digging melted snow out of the back of her jacket, droplets trickling down and making her squirm.

Sera might have gotten her, but she'd gotten her back in spades. She kept herself silent as she heard the other elf stomp in, likely to scowl and squint around, before stalking back out again. Only once the cursing faded did she allow herself a quiet laugh under her breath.

A few moments passed, and she heard the shouting fade into the kitchen. Heavy, her quiet breaths now, body curled up under the desk with her knees pressing to the wood a bit uncomfortably.

“Sera, please stop shouting.” She bit down on her lip to stifle another laugh as Solas entered the office, clasping hands over her mouth. She was so immature. To be fair, though, Sera had started it. “I do not know where Ellana is. Please just clock in.”

It was hard, so hard to stay silent, but she managed it until she heard the door close, and he sighed. Then the giggle escaped. Silence for a moment, and she slapped her hand over her mouth again, mirth barely restrained by it, shoulders tense.

Though she knew she'd been heard, she forced herself silent again as he said nothing. Although she couldn't hear him moving, she could feel it in some weird visceral way. Like a shadow being cast across her. When the chair was pulled out, the laughter held back by her hand bubbled out, low and soft as he crouched down.

“Good evening.” He greeted, a smile touching the left corner of his mouth. 

“Hi...” She finally replied, amusement still spilling over the single word. Hand lifting, she found the tie, and gave it a little tug. “C'mere.”

For a moment she was worried he might resist, but it seemed she was concerned for nothing. The space was too small, and she was folded up awkwardly, but that didn't matter. Three damn days, and he was here, and she could tell he'd been drinking coffee. He didn't like coffee, which she knew, which meant he was tired. Why did she know that?

It didn't matter, because he was sweet, and warm, and he'd pulled her out to cradle across his lap as he kissed her. It was slower than she liked, but right now for some reason it was what she wanted, legs stretching out as she curled her arms around his neck. 

It had been languid, but then as it always seemed to happen, things got a little more heated, and his tongue slid into her mouth to be bitten. She was gracious, though, and let it go when he made a noise, shivering when he rolled her lower lip between his teeth in revenge.

He felt the little shudder that squirmed down her spine, and pulled back, nose nudging against the side of hers. 

The words escaped somehow, though the last thing she ever would have wanted was to voice them. Breathy, slow, they spilled across her tongue to brush against his skin, embarrassingly throaty.

“I missed you.”

She was already thinking up ways to pull them back before the last one had even been voiced, but she had no chance to retract. She had been across his lap, but then she was on the floor, cradled in his arms still as he buried her under his body. 

And he was kissing the air right out of her lungs. 

Well...okay.

Lips bruising and greedy, his thigh planted right between her legs, they tangled up together with the awkward desperation of people who had been apart for way too long. She may have been practically riding his leg, but he wasn't doing anything to stop her. Three whole days, after all. 

It might as well have been a lifetime.

The carpet was pretty horrible and scratchy, though, which she became aware of as her jacket and shirt rode up her back. It sort of hurt, but she wouldn't let him go, not just yet.

“I missed you too.” He finally murmured it against her mouth, once he'd managed to escape, and the thrill it roused was almost enough to make her not regret having said it herself. “But...it is time to work, Ellana.”

“Not for another fifteen minutes, Solas.” She murmured, smugly, and then laughed as he checked his watch, tilting the arm behind her head awkwardly. “Do you think I'm lying? Trying to lure you in for a bit of dangerous fucking under everyone's noses?”

“Three days is not...that long...” He replied a bit awkwardly as she nuzzled in against his neck, tightening her grip. Where was that little spot he liked? “...Ellana.”

“Shh.” She replied, stomach awkwardly tight as she basked in the knowledge that he'd been counting the days, too. Not that she could bring herself to say so. It still felt nice. “I was joking. No sex on the floor of the office. I would get rug burn.”

“I certainly do not want that.” His fingers stroked her hair back from her face, and she squirmed a bit under the weight of his gaze, ducking down to try and hide against his chest. “Where are you going?”

“Somewhere where there's no embarrassment. A magical land.” She sighed, nose nudging in as his fingers twisted affectionately in her hair, tugging against her scalp. “I don't think it actually exists.”

“For you? Perhaps not. I...am sorry. I cannot promise this won't happen again.” He admitted, and she gave a little sigh, enjoying the warmth roused by her own breath against him. Lucky she didn't bother with foundation, or his shirt would be screwed. “Changing programs a mere breath before finishing ensures a measure of impatience to have things over with. My free time can be...rare, sometimes.”

“I didn't know that.” Surprise had her falling back to his waiting arm, letting her neck be supported by it. Being sprawled across the floor was probably weird, but at least no one bursting in would see them immediately. “What did you quit? I just figured you'd gotten a late start.”

“Law. I ah...it wasn't what I wanted for myself, it was what I was expected to do.” He twisted a piece of hair between two fingers, winding it around as he gazed down at her. “I decided a few years ago that it wasn't a life I was willing to live.”

“Oh...hoh...” She murmured, smiling as he leaned down to kiss the corner of her mouth. “The plot thickens. And let me guess, they're trying to drag you back into line.”

“You are far too perceptive.” She knew this time it was him trying to distract her, because just like she'd figured out that little spot just below and behind his ear, he'd found that place just below the hollow of her throat... 

“Ten minutes.” She teased, and he laughed against her, the little tickle making her squirm. “And I have to fix my hair now. Let's make it five.”

“Let us keep it at ten.” He countered, and she laughed for a moment until he silenced her with a kiss.

 

 

Making out was a lot less sexy when you both kept checking the clock. A good thing to know, really. Still better than none, but well...yep. Despite that, it was proving to be a pretty easy night, pleasant tables, easy orders, until suddenly it...

Appeared.

Standing at the hostess stand, all overpriced purse and spiky nails and...Samson gave a drunken curse as she vaulted over the bar. She didn't blame him, she didn't even know she could jump that high. She landed on the rubber mat with a huff of breath and something sticky on her knees, felt easily through the thin fabric of her work pants. 

Dorian stared down at her blankly. 

“Go get Solas.” She demanded in a hiss, and her face must have been tense enough that he actually listened to her for once. “Please, Dorian. Please. Tell him his cousin is here. And he has like...negative five minutes before she tries to rip Josie open with her fingernails.”

“Why does this necessitate you hiding behind the bar?” He asked, even as he locked up the register and tucked the keys into his apron.

“Because she flirted with me last time she was here, and she's terrifying.” She replied, already starting to feel silly about her instinctive panic.

But then again, she remembered how he'd reacted last time. 

'Did she hurt you?'

No, no, better to hide and let him deal with it. He'd probably prefer it that way. After one last odd look at her, Dorian ducked out from behind the bar, and she let out a shuddering breath. Crouching, trying to keep her butt from touching the mat, she glanced owlishly up as Samson stared over the bar at her.

“Hey, fill up my beer, Ellie?” He asked, and she gave a faint scoff under her breath.

“Nice try, Sam.” She replied, and he grumbled and leaned back again. “That hasn't worked on me yet.”

“Worth a shot.” He grumbled, sinking back down.

Breathing out heavily, she rubbed her hands against her sticky knees, heart thundering against her chest. She felt her breath catching as she heard voices raising, and glanced up as a shadow loomed over her. Dorian was leaning against the outside of the bar now, arms folded across his chest.

“You were right, she is a nasty thing, isn't she?” He remarked, and she huffed out a little sigh. “She keeps waving her arms around like that, she's going to catch those nails in something and rip them right off. My goodness.”

“Ugh...ugggh...” She groaned, rubbing hands across her face. “Maybe I should have dealt with it.”

“Don't be silly, Ellie. Doing your job doesn't extend to putting up with other people's family nonsense, you know that. He seems fine.” Dorian paused to wince, and she tensed up. “Ooh...never mind. Well. At least we'll be able to ban...”

His hand slapped against the top of her head as she tried to rise, and he pushed her back down firmly, ignoring her growl.

“No. If she's here to bother you, the last thing you need to be doing is show your face. Remember when Josie had that stalker? Just keep your head down, she's fighting her way out the door. I think Solas played his trump card, she seems to be retreating.” 

Ugh. That. She remembered too well, poor Josie. But Dorian was right, even though she was raging to hop back over the bar and figure out what was going on. She could hear the screeching, but not any of the words. Still, it seemed to be getting fainter.

Solas was going to be so upset.

The worry gnawed at her as she waited restlessly behind the bar, calves starting to ache from the awkward position. She could sit down, but she'd just end up with a sticky butt. It wasn't worth it. Finally Dorian sighed, pushing away from the bar to move for the swinging door.

“Take your half, Ellie. I think your knight in shining armor needs tending to.” He remarked archly, and she didn't even mind the teasing in his voice as she shot to her feet and slipped away. “Well! You're welcome!” 

The call after her got a wave, but she was too busy pelting for the kitchen door, ignoring a table trying to get her attention. Dorian would handle it. He was almost to the office, most of the way out of the kitchen when she caught up to him, and she didn't care for once who was watching. Grabbing his elbow, she pulled him around to face her, his surprise ensuring she got the upper hand.

Fierce, protective anger surged as she gazed up at him.

“That...that bitch!” She exclaimed, lifting fingers hesitantly towards the bloodily red scratch marks across his jaw, but stopping short of touching them. “Solas, I am so sorry, I should have handled it myself...”

His hand caught in hers, and then he glanced up and over her shoulder, a little awkwardly. She became rather aware of the cessation of noise in the kitchen. Clearing her throat, she let him tug her by the hand, and followed after in silence the rest of the way to the office.

Oh. Right. That was probably...kind of dramatic.

Probably making people think they were...

Well. Were they? They were something, at least, but not...

Pulled out of her suddenly awkward thoughts as the door closed behind her, she glanced upwards, worry overtaking her again. It honestly didn't look that bad, if she was being objective, but still...it was pretty awful.

“I'm sorry, I should have...”

“You did the right thing.” He contradicted, lifting her hand for a small kiss, a sigh escaping her lips. “Trust me, that is not the first time that has happened, and it will not be the last. She simply gets...these moods. Interests, I suppose. It would only get worse if she knew that you and I were...”

“Whatever we are.” She finished, rubbing her thumb against the uninjured side of his jaw, fingers still laced with his, tucked under his chin. “I know how hard you work, it must be frustrating to have them...get in the way.”

“One quick picture and a text to her mother and it will be handled. For now.” He assured her, and she was quite sure he was being far too calm about all of this. There was an odd little catch in his voice when he spoke again. “Were you really that worried about me?”

A surge of annoyance rose and must have been visible in his face, because he laughed, leaning down to press a soft kiss to her forehead. She allowed it, but sulked out of principle.

“I worry that you think this is normal.” She confessed a little sourly, and then gentled her voice as his lips stilled. “Yes. I was. Don't...don't make a big deal out of it, okay?”

“I will try.” He replied, in a voice that was dangerously close to smug. Just like she had suspected earlier, though, she could hear he was a little tired underneath it. Dealing with his cousin probably hadn't helped. “Two more hours. I have your gummy bears.”

“You sure?” She asked, and then sighed as he simply nodded. “Okay. But will you stay the night? If the movie doesn't start until midnight...”

“I actually packed a bag, not to be too presumptuous. I thought it better to do that, rather than be stuck in Cullen's clothing again.” Solas captured her hand as she lifted fingers towards his cheek again, smiling at her wry grin. “I am fine. Go get something to eat, I need to call Mythal.”

“Okay, okay.” She replied, disentangling herself with a sour expression. “Okay! Fine. I'll go eat. The last thing I want is you fussing over me again. Just the worst.”

“Actually, I think I understand now why people enjoy it.” Solas mused, and she stuck her tongue out at him as she reached for the door.

She slipped out, but any vestiges of a good mood faded as she turned to head back into the kitchen. It was a weird thought, but it had gotten stuck in her mind now, and it was sort of bugging her. It was true, he'd been...well, pretty focused on taking care of her. She sort of thought it was because he was trying to wear her down, trap her. But...well, did he really not know what it was like to have anyone fuss over him?

Even a little?

The little nudge of guilt lingered in the back of her mind as she got herself something to eat, and then finished up her shift. It was kind of...not fair, if it was true. And it wasn't like she didn't...want to, but...

She'd just end up getting sucked even further in, wouldn't she?

 

 

It wasn't any sort of surprise that Solas fell asleep ten minutes into the movie. As much as she loved the old black and white detective films, they didn't do a lot for keeping you awake. Not as many explosions and loud music as more modern ones. He'd slumped against her shoulder, but it wasn't very comfortable, not with the arm in the way. It must have been digging into his side pretty badly, but he was obviously exhausted.

It took her a few minutes to figure out how to get the old arm up from between their seats. Decades of stickiness and probably some rust made it slow going, inch by inch until she finally managed to push it up with a creak of protest. It was still a bit of a tight fit, but at least the theater was empty enough that his legs weren't in anyone's way. Once she'd managed to settle him more comfortably with his head on her thigh, she idly rested a hand on his shoulder and went back to focusing on the movie.

It's not like she was going to miss it.

Besides, she'd barely even started her gummy bears, and he'd gotten her the good kind, not the crummy generic ones. The ones with pineapple, not the gross grape ones.

Who the hell liked grape gummy bears?

 

He'd only roused once, and she wasn't sure he'd actually woken up, because all he'd done was grab her hand and kiss it before dozing off again with her arm around his neck. Considering the fact that no matter how she fell asleep, she'd wake up with him all but on top of her...she was pretty sure he did stuff like that without realizing he was doing it.

It was, admittedly, sort of sweet. Not that she'd say so, he didn't need encouraging. 

She waited as long as she could, but eventually the theater was empty and she had no choice but to wake him up. The poor employees probably wanted to get home. Freeing her hand, she got her revenge for the other day in the only way she could. She poked him in the nose. And then again...and again...okay, apparently that only worked on her? Because he didn't even move. He didn't even wrinkle his nose.

Then she tried nudging him with her knee, and that didn't do anything. She was actually starting to get a little concerned. The shoulder shake and the kiss to his temple got about the same amount of response, and the lights had finally come back on by then. Finally she sighed and pushed him up bodily, which was admittedly a much less pleasant awakening than she'd intended. Except as she pushed him upright, he still didn't really seem...conscious.

Jeez. Did he only wake up for his alarm or something? It explained why his was so annoying.

He was still barely coherent as she dragged him to his feet, grumbling all the while, and he leaned against her in a drowsy daze. Luckily he followed her, though she had to grab both his bag and hers, slinging them over opposite shoulders to rest against either hip. 

“Hi. Sorry.” She apologized to the girl coming in to clean up, and got an amused grin. 

“You're losing your boyfriend.” She replied, laughing faintly and turning down the aisle. 

“He's not...” Ellana started, sighing and turning on her heel to move back to him, grabbing his arm before he could sit back down. “C'mon, Solas. You are just...impossible.”

With her arm tucked into his elbow, he let her drag him along, but whenever she'd stop he'd slump against her. It was sort of like taking a cat for a walk, really. Luckily the cold air outside seemed to rouse him a little, and he made a little noise of confusion as she took stock of the outside. Yeah. No way she was letting him drive like this. Well. It was only like six, seven blocks, at least. 

Securing his arm a little tighter, she started across the tiny parking lot, making sure to check the sign on the street when they hit the sidewalk. Hmm, no, he probably wouldn't get towed. Tomorrow was...Saturday, so he was good. 

About a block up the snowy, slippery sidewalk and he'd stopped slumping on her. Two and a half blocks and he lifted a hand to rub at his face. She was kind of having fun tracking his progress, actually, it was amusing. It was at the four block mark that he finally spoke, at least more than a questioning mumble or other assorted sleepy noises.

“What are we doing?” He asked, and she laughed, bumping her head against his shoulder. “What about the movie?”

“It's two in the morning.” She replied, and then chuckled again as he blinked drowsily down at her. “C'mon, let's get you to bed. Almost home.”

“Ellana, I am so s...” He started, only to stall as she shushed him noisily. “I am trying...”

“Nope.” She replied, cheerfully, tucking her cheek against his shoulder as they walked. Only for a moment, though, cause that really made walking hard. How did people in movies do it?

“That is not...how I intended for our first date to go.” He sighed, rubbing at his eyes again, and then stopping as he stumbled at a crack in the sidewalk.

“You kidding? It was perfect. I had gummy bears, an awesome noir movie, and I didn't have to find out if you're one of those cretins that tries to talk during a movie.” She couldn't help the upbeat note to her voice. It had been perfect, at least for her measure of perfect. 

Normal people perfect? 

Maybe not. 

“I don't talk during movies.” He chided her, but smiled sleepily when she grinned.

“But see, this way I don't have to find out otherwise.” She pointed out, and then shook his hand lightly back and forth. “It's fine. You need sleep. What's your tomorrow looking like?”

“Work in the afternoon...I should research, however.”

She found it kind of funny that even though he was the one who was half awake, he did the whole checking both ways when crossing the street thing when she didn't. It was nice out despite the cold, brisk clear night with lots of light pollution blocking out the stars. Ugh. Not a time to be getting homesick, that's for sure.

She missed them, though.

“You can't study at my place?” A genuine question, she could tell he at least had his computer in the bag, because it was digging against her hip. He still hadn't noticed she was carrying both of their bags. “I have a commission to finish, so it's not like I'll be grinding in your lap while you try to work.”

“I...” She glanced up as he stalled, lips quirking up a little at the suddenly distant look on his face. 

“Okay, or maybe you like that idea.” She teased, and then laughed as he cleared his throat, enjoying that little flush. She had to work a little harder for it now, but that was okay. “Here's what's going to happen. We're going to go home, you're going to go to sleep, and we'll talk about it in the morning. Deal?”

“Sleep?” The question was almost testing, and it took her a minute to figure out why.

Right, she'd been...well, she'd basically been pretty pushy about the sex, hadn't she been? And yeah, she wanted him all the time, but...

“Yeah, sleep.” She finally replied, a chagrined half-smile on her lips. She really couldn't look at him. This was another feelings thing, wasn't it? “Don't...make a big deal out of it, please.”

She meant to tease, but it came out as a genuine plea. Why was not asking for sex a big deal? 

Not that she didn't already know, but it was easier to pretend that she didn't.

“Thank you.” He replied simply, fingers tightening in hers as they headed up the hill to her apartment building.

Because it was what he needed, and not what she wanted.

“I'm not that much of an asshole.” She muttered in response, and then sighed as he kissed the top of her head. “You should...you should stay, if you can actually get stuff done at my place. Tomorrow's Saturday, so Bull's gonna get donuts, because they finish work when the donut place opens, and I don't have work, so I can get us dinner for when you finish, and...”

Too much, it was too much, but she didn't...nobody ever took care of him, and the more she thought about it, the shittier it got. Not like she didn't know how terrible his family was, but wasn't there...anything?

“Once a month on Saturdays I meet a former classmate for dinner.” He replied, after a stretch of silence. She let go of his hand at last to find her keys, fishing them out. “You could...join us? Or...I could invite her over?”

She fought down the surge of pleasure, forcing her voice light as she unlocked the door and opened it for him.

“If...if you're okay with that.” She replied, so casual that she might as well have been wearing a giant neon sign that said 'I AM BEING CASUAL'. “If you want. Or...whatever. Saturdays doors can kind of get opened and people might wander, so if you don't want her being freaked out, I guess...better if I join you. Or not. If you don't...”

He looked over his shoulder at her, and she sighed and glanced aside, letting him pull her up the stairs.

“Cassandra would like to meet you.” He replied at long last, and she was wrapped up enough in her own head that she didn't wonder why until it was too late. “And you are perfect just as you are, revolving door apartment and all.”

 

Perfect.

 

It was a good thing that she needed to unlock the door, because she couldn't say anything right then. There was a whole lot of...not functioning going on in her brain. She was not...that. She wasn't that at all. He'd said it, but he was tired, and...

The door opened under her hand, and she tugged him in after her. She'd meant to be casual, but she realized halfway to the bedroom that he was gazing down at her in the darkness. It made the back of her neck crawl in a way that wasn't totally unpleasant. 

“I'll...leave it up to you.” She finally decided, dragging him into the bedroom and then leaving him to undress as she dropped their bags by the door. “Bed. Now. You are...worn down to the bone. Doesn't anyone tell you to stop working so hard and sleep?”

“Only you.” He replied, and she was suddenly so glad it was dark, because she didn't blush. She didn't get...

“Well, apparently I need to tell you it more often, if you're falling asleep in the theater.” She replied tartly, to try and quell her own fluster. “It is freaking cold in here. You're on bed warming duty.”

While she stripped and then grabbed a t-shirt out of her dresser, she listened to the quiet, homey sounds of him getting undressed and then slipping under the covers. Normally she would have put something to watch on her laptop, but it was so late, and she didn't want to risk rousing him once he'd settled down.

Despite the fact that was apparently impossible to do when you were trying to.

She quickly tugged her hair out of its elastic before heading to bed, padding quickly across to duck under the covers, letting his arms enfold her swiftly, legs tangling together. Every time before they'd been overheated, ready for time apart before they slept, but tonight...it just felt right to tangle together.

His arms slid around her midsection, her toes tucking around his calves as he buried her in his warmth. 

“You get cold so quickly.” He complained, already sounding half asleep again, voice slow and thick. “I am...sorry I ruined our date.”

She remained silent for a moment, as his cheek nuzzled in against the top of her head, breath hot against her scalp as she mused over the evening. There wasn't really much to say, was there? After all, it wasn't really...

“It was...” She finally murmured, as his weight spilled over her, pressing her down against the bed. “Perfect.” 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Slow, warm, the kiss at the corner of her mouth, just out of the reach of her lips. It drew her out of velvety sleep as it was pulled away from her, and she groaned and reached out blindly. Eventually she found his bare shoulder and a quiet chuckle, and lured him back in as best she could. Her grip was weak, but he seemed willing.

Arms scooped under her shoulders, burying her completely again. Heavy as always, he seemed to realize she didn't mind as long as he kept from leaning against her rib cage. In this state he was nothing but a comfortable anchor, spilled over her, far away from her waking mind. An extension of her body.

A hand against her cheek, warm and slow, curling her in against his neck. She could hear a murmur against her ear but couldn't understand it, nothing more than a sigh escaping her lips. Her response was almost questioning, but whatever answer he gave was incomprehensible right now. Another stroke of her cheek, fingers tucking under her chin, lifting it up. 

She accepted the kiss, but was too sleepy to return it, a press against her lax lips. Words again, slow and languid, but they roused nothing in her mind but the slightest flutter of frustration. She had no idea what they meant, and he'd stopped kissing her again. She didn't like that.

Then he kissed her nose. A wrinkle and a whine, and she tried to lead him away to somewhere more pleasant, but he held her and wouldn't let her escape. She didn't want to be awake, but she didn't want him to stop, either.

“Mfh?” She finally managed, the closest to coherent she'd found yet.

“Nothing more unless you want it.” He murmured, and she growled under her breath. 

Unless she wanted it? Of course she did, he knew that. Why was he being difficult?

Sleepy brain was slow on the uptake, but everything else was faster. The upward grind of her hips was stalled by the hand leaving her cheek, pressing her down against the bed. Why was he so heavy? She struggled a little, and then pouted again, finding that slow, breathy pitch that made him inhale sharply. Yes, she liked that, even if the silly noises were vaguely embarrassing. They made him do that thing where his stomach pulled in and his fingers tightened. And then he'd exhale, and it'd almost catch in the back of his throat...

“Words.” He suggested to her ear despite the hardness against her hip, slowly penetrating the fog. “Tell me.”

Why was he being so...

Understanding dawned, and if she was fully coherent she might feel silly. The fact that he cared so much? Well, she was sleepy enough that the pleasure spilled over her without even a bit of embarrassment to get in the way. She didn't want to be awake, but the fact that he needed her to be drew her out of the depths slowly.

“Solas...” She sighed as his teeth dragged against the side of her neck, arms tucking in to force him in all the harder. Leave marks. She wanted it, it drove her nuts how he always tried not to. “Fuck me...”

“Ah...” He murmured in approval, fingers pressing into the outside of her thigh, breath spilling over her neck. “Yes, ma vhenan'ara.”

She started wondering what the heck he'd said, and then she wasn't thinking about much of anything, honestly. He seemed intent on making up for last night as thoroughly as possible, and she was completely all right with that. Even if she'd already told him it'd been fine.

Less okay with what she suspiciously assumed was some sort of Elvhen endearment, but when it came with morning sex so good that she was some sort of mindless puddle afterwards, well...she was beginning to realize she was coming around to them a little.

Just a little.

 

It took a while for her to think about getting up, which meant at least a little cuddling, and she submitted to it willingly. It was nice to not be exhausted or interrupted for once. Eventually, though, sweat and gross won out over lazy affection, and she let him drag her jelly-legged self out of bed. 

From the look of things on the way to the shower it seemed as if Merrill had stayed at Isa's last night, which was the case about half the time. That was good, they wouldn't have woken them up. It meant she was on door duty, though. After the shower, she stopped to unlock it and undo the chain, eyeing the jar on the counter before grabbing it.

“Remind me when you leave, I have to go to the bank today before it closes.” She mumbled idly as she wandered into the bedroom, plopping the jar on the table and then drying her hair. 

He was getting dressed, but damned if she was going to just yet. Watching him get clothed was always nice, though, and she sleepily admired his back as she opened a drawer. A pair of panties and a t-shirt would do for now. The latter was worn through in the armpits and emblazoned with a cartoon halla, but at least her underwear were passable for 'hey there's a guy looking at my butt'. 

“I will. Will you...” He started, pulling a sweater over his head, and then stopped as she slumped towards the bed. “At least change the sheets.”

“Mefh.” She replied, pulling the blanket up instead to cover the dirty sheets and flopping on top of it, burying her face in the pillow. Legs still didn't feel like working. She pulled up the back of her t-shirt. “...Kiss my ass.”

“If you insist, but not right this moment. Are you going back to sleep? It's only seven.” She felt the bed sag as he sat down, and she opened an eye to watch him plug in his laptop under the nightstand. “I know you said you had work to do today.”

“Mmmh.” She mused, curling in against his thigh as he pulled his legs up, getting as close as she could without disturbing his computer. “Just going to doze and get all in your personal space for a while. You should have slept longer, you need the rest.”

“You're welcome in my personal space, and I will be fine.” He assured, so she let it go, eyes closing as he lowered a hand to carefully check the line of her neck again, like he had in the shower. Part of her thought he was admiring his handiwork under the guise of concern. “You're certain it doesn't hurt?”

“Yes, stop fussing. I'm not that breakable.” She groaned, and then swatted at his hand as he tweaked the tip of her ear. “Shh. Work. Stop being distracted, you're a terrible student.”

She felt him chuckle, before she slid off into that comfortable half-awake state that felt so good on a Saturday morning, their feet tucked together to keep her toes warm. Time glided on slowly, punctuated by the occasional thoughtful murmur or a hand on her damp hair, neither enough to tip her over the precipice to 'actually awake'. At least, not until the front door opened, heard faintly.

“Breakfast! Ellie, I'm gonna use your coffee maker!” Krem called, and she unrolled and began to stretch, letting out a faint sigh against his leg. “Bull's is broken.”

“Mmmkay!” She called into the other room, and then lowered her voice drowsily. “What time'sit?”

“Eight thirty. Cullen messaged me to apparently inform you that he's coming down to use your stove.” He handed his phone down to her, and she took it with a faint huff. “Why he decided to text me that...”

“Cause I didn't answer, probably, and we probably woke him up. With the loud sex.” She replied after reading the message, restraining the urge to scroll up, and then offered the phone back up as it vibrated. “Your cousin.”

“I was not the one making all the noise, you might recall. Which one?” He asked, already answering his own question by the time he'd asked it, giving a faint 'hmmh' as he read the message. His voice took on an exasperated note. “I'm uncertain why they do this.”

“Do what?” She sat up with a sigh, raking her hair back from her face, twisting it to the side out of the way. He flashed her the phone screen, and she squinted at the picture. “Is that somebody's car? Woah...what the hell happened to it?”

“Falon'Din's. Apparently Ghilan'nain decided it would make a good sculpture...Which is amusing, but not what I meant, exactly.” He set aside the phone as she rose with a crinkle of the mattress, padding across the floor to find some pants. “It doesn't matter how far I remove myself, or how many times I ignore the gossip or ask them to stop, they always seem to think I need be involved. They never paid me near as much attention when I was going along with what they wanted.”

Sweatpants. It was a sweatpants kind of day. She dug the ones out of the back that were already stained from working, tugging them on and tying them tight. A little tighter than she had before. That should probably worry her a little.

“Well, it's that whole crabs in the bucket thing, isn't it?” She grabbed an elastic from the top of the dresser and swept up her hair, twisting it high. “They'd rather drag you down with them. You're still giving them a lot of head space. Do you need to? I mean, do you owe them money? Do they have papers or something you need from them?”

“No, and no...” She turned to face him as she snapped the elastic around her hair, head tilting to the side curiously. His face was conflicted, and she watched him expectantly. “It's simply...Mythal. We do not always agree with one another, but she has always treated me well. Out of all of them, she really is my family. The only one I have.”

“I thought you and her were at odds, it seemed like...” She started, crawling back onto the bed, and then stalled at his expression. “Wrong thing to say?”

“No...” He sighed again, reaching for her arm and tugging her the rest of the way in, wrapping arms around her waist. “She was incredibly displeased with me for leaving law school, but she's since come around. No one else has, but she understands, even if she does not agree. She has started keeping them from harassing me...somewhat.”

“You'll figure it out. You're basically the smartest person I know.” She assured, and then added in a lower voice, “Don't tell Dorian I said that, he'll get jealous. You want a donut, honey?”

“Yes, I would, thank you.” He sighed against her chest, and she leaned down to kiss the top of his head, resting her cheek on it for a moment before trying to extricate herself. His arms tightened, and he buried his face between her breasts.

“Well, you have to let go of me if you're going to get one, so you have to make a decision. And I'm not going to wrestle with you to try and get free, because I don't want to break your computer.” She laughed as he freed an arm and silently closed the laptop, shifting it from his thighs to the nightstand. “Well, okay then, but you know I'm slippery.”

“I...” He began, and she pulled back a little to stare down at him. Weirdest look on his face. Okay, what had she done wrong this time? 

Wracking her brain didn't come up with a damn thing.

“What?”

“You called me honey.” He pointed out, and then started laughing as she began trying to push him away. “Ellana, calm down!”

“No! You can't make me!” She groaned, taking her opportunity when he released her to find the nearest hiding spot. Which was, admittedly, under his sweater, but it was cozy at least, and dark. She curled around his lap, arms latching around his waist. “I...I hate you.”

“You opposite of hate me, I believe you'll find.” He replied, and she could feel his muscles tighten as he gave a faint laugh. She bit in retaliation, and because it was easier than talking. “Ellana! I am not going to make you talk about it, please calm down.”

“No. Everything is terrible. Terrible...just...just...ugh.” She griped against his stomach, once she'd tugged up his t-shirt far enough to nuzzle her cheek against it. “You...don't think you got away with...saying stuff in Elvhen...I know your...your tricks. Playing your sneaky wily tricks on my sleepy brain just...just so you can get away with saying stuff...oh look at me, I'm so sexy with my voice and my dick and...blah.”

“Thank you for the compliment, though it's hardly necessary. I was already fairly certain you were enjoying yourself.” He laughed at the rude noise she made, one hand rubbing her lower back until she sighed and relaxed a little. “The loud and inventive cursing did give it away. And, to be fair, I did assume you spoke the language. You are Dalish.” 

“You're being smug. Stop being smug about us not letting poor Cullen sleep. Think of the Cullens, won't you?” She groused, arms tightening a little bit. “Next time you'll just have to shush me, I guess.”

“But I enjoy discovering what sorts of new and interesting things I can get you to say, that would ruin my fun entirely. I find your filthy mouth as maddeningly captivating as the rest of you.” He laughed, before giving a sigh when she squirmed uncomfortably against him. “Ah yes, this is the Ellana I know so well. To think, I was almost missing it.”

She would have responded, but that's when she heard the door open after a scant three-beat knock. She wasn't entirely sure whose it was, Merrill would never have opened the door. Isa might, but she never knocked.

“Well, I apologize for interrupting. Morning, Solas.” Anders, of course. She freed a hand from under the sweater to give him a middle finger. “Classy as ever. Game tonight, we were going to watch across the hall. Can we use your kitchen for potluck things?”

“Since when do you watch sports?” She asked, not bothering to get out of her cave. Solas tried to pull her out, but she swatted at him. “I don't have a problem with it. Did you ask Merrill?”

“She's working until close. And...I watch sports!” Defensive. Hmm. She wondered why. Were Anders and Bull hooking up again? “I'm going to eat your eclair if you don't get out here soon. You should have told me Mira's coming to visit next weekend, I would have taken it off...”

His voice trailed off as the door audibly closed, leaving a chill in her gut. Next weekend...what? 

She...what?

Suddenly accidental, and less than accidental endearments seemed a lot less important.

“Your little sister? I wasn't aware she was coming to visit, you are working all next weekend...” Solas mentioned, and then chuckled quietly as she let out a long, slow groan of frustration, spilling over his skin. “Ah. A surprise?”

“Yaaaay.” She replied dully, finally giving up her warmth and security, hair tumbling into her face as she regretfully slipped out of his sweater and sat up, scowling. “She always does this. Literally, the third time this year.”

“Impulsiveness seems to be a family trait.” He teased, smoothing back her hair with both hands, her frown unabated but not daunting him. “Will she be able to entertain herself, at least? I am sorry, but I don't think we can cover your shifts.”

“No, no, I wouldn't ask you to. She'll be fine, everyone knows her at this point. Heck, she's probably already made plans with people.” Ugh, ugh. How could she keep them apart? She'd figure it out. The last thing she needed was Mouthy Mira trying to stick her nose in things. “Probably means I'll be too busy to do anything next weekend, sorry.”

“We can take it as it comes. Breakfast.” He rose to his feet, and offered both hands to her. Sighing, she slapped her palms against his and swung to her feet, leaning against him a moment. “Will you show me what you're going to be working on today?”

“Mmh.” She agreed, turning to grab her sketches, scooping them off the mess that was her work table. She'd already bought all the supplies, glass panels waiting to be cut. There'd be plenty of leftover scraps for butterflies. Halfway back to the door, she abruptly stalled, giving a sigh. “Shit!”

“What?” He turned his attention away from the living room, tucking his arm in hers as she approached. 

“I forgot about your friend tonight! I said I'd keep the place open to Anders just now.” Blowing out a long sigh, she shook her head. “I always do this. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking.”

“You did say that you were fine with her coming over, yes?” He pointed out, as they wandered to the kitchen.

The front door was half open, but only Krem and a very surly-looking Cullen were in at the moment. Cullen was giving her a death glare. She just grinned at him, and he rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to Krem, stabbing a piece of sausage off of his plate. Talking about hockey, from the sounds of it.

“I mean...if you're okay with her being dumped into the middle of this nonsense.” She gestured vaguely, and then opened the box of donuts. “Depends on if you think she'll be terrified or not, I guess. At least our television will be free, Bull's is way bigger so they all watch the sportsballs over there.”

“You're the most terrifying thing here.” Cullen remarked aside at her drily, and she stuck her tongue out at him as she retrieved her eclair. “Good morning to you, too.”

“I believe it might do her some good, actually.” Solas remarked, after nodding to the other two men, turning his attention to the box. “As much as it has done for me. Rigorous studies can make one forget how to relax.”

“Well, okay then.” She replied after clearing her throat against the tickle of pleasure his words roused. She took a moment, watching as he selected a donut, smile widening to a grin. “Sounds like a plan...really, the pink frosted one?”

“It has sprinkles.” He pointed out, and then smiled faintly as she gave in to laughter, cupping a hand around her mouth in deference to her bite. “Try not to choke, Ellana.”

Swallowing quickly, smile turning into a wicked little grin, she lifted a finger.

“I...” She started, only to get another nasty glare from Cullen as he turned in his seat and jabbed a fork towards her.

“No.” He told her, coldly. “Absolutely not.”

Solas was just looking confused, but Krem was starting to grin.

“I was just going to say he likes it when I ch...”

“NO, Ellie!” Cullen repeated, and she burst into laughter again, flapping a hand in front of her face. “I mean it! It's bad enough I have to hear it...”

“What was that about being nice to Cullen?” Solas asked her, but she could see he was hiding a smile now.

“Maker's breath...you know, maybe if you were choking on it, I'd actually be able to sleep in for once! It'd be quieter, at least!” Cullen declared disgustedly, and she collapsed against Solas, dissolving into hiccuping hysterics. “It's really not funny, Ellie! I swear, I'm going out and buying you a ball gag.”

“Well, this is getting interesting...” Krem mused, and then cupped his hands around his mouth, calling loudly. “Boss! Cullen needs a ball gag! Got any suggestions?”

“It's not for me!” Cullen contradicted sharply, and then rolled his eyes as they all started laughing. Slumped against Solas as she was, she could feel the chuckle in his stomach, especially as his free arm slipped around her. “Why do I even bother? Why...do I even bother?”

Letting her laughter die out as Krem changed the subject back to hockey again, she lifted her chin up and peeked at Solas, smiling lopsidedly. He tilted his head slightly, a silent question.

“You...sure?” She asked simply, honestly not entirely sure what all she meant the question for. She'd meant just about tonight, but...well, that's not really how it came out. “I mean...”

“I am sure.” He reassured her, arm around her waist tightening a little.

For a second it looked like he was about to say something else, and she stiffened reflexively, steeling herself. A few seconds passed, his eyes locked on hers, and then he simply smiled and leaned down to kiss her temple, saying nothing else. 

She felt the little knot in her stomach ease, disappearing again as she breathed out. 

 

“Good.” For some reason her voice was a lot smaller than she intended it to be. “That's...good.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

The day had gone by painlessly, but with the looming sense of disaster that always made her so fidgety. Some days were just like that, especially ones where she had to go to the bank and contemplate looming debt and expenditures. She'd gotten a goodbye kiss when he'd gone to work, finished up some of her stuff, and then gone to run errands. Fifteen hundred more in the college fund felt good, even if she was still a couple grand behind where she'd meant to be right now. Budgeting. Budgeting was the worst, but she was pretty sure if she shuffled some things around she could find a couple hundred more bucks for the next month or two.

She wasn't good at it, though. Who was good at math? Krem, but he was sleeping. Dorian, but he lived over by the University. Maybe she should invite him over tonight? Nah, he didn't like hockey.

She was halfway through her cup of coffee, staring blankly at her notebook she always carried in her messenger bag when Wynne sighed and sat across from her. 

“Let me see, dear.” She ordered, and Ellie slid the notebook over, accepting the croissant pushed to her.

“Thank you, Wynne.” She replied faintly, starting to pick at it. “Sorry. Am I looking like that much of a mope?”

A glance towards the the counter proved that Alistair was eyeing her with a vaguely concerned expression. She stuck her tongue out at him, and he turned red and went back to work. Smiling faintly now, she glanced back to Wynne as she peered at the columns of numbers over the top of her glasses.

“Only a little. It must be getting stressful, with Mira so close to graduating.” The older woman wiped her hands on her apron and then picked up her pen, going over the numbers with a practiced eye. “You forgot to carry here, that's why you can't get it to balance.”

“It is a little stressful. I'm thinking about picking up a second job. She keeps insisting I shouldn't, because she does have her grants and scholarships as far as I know, but...I'd feel better.” Pulling up a knee, she rested her chin against it and watched. “You're so good at that.”

“Feet off my chair, Ellana.” Wynne replied, and she quickly dropped her foot again, smiling faintly. “It is best to have a safety net for such things, but I don't know that either of you can afford that. You can't make money appear out of nowhere, but you can't work yourself to death, either.”

“I know. Morrigan said she'd carry stuff for me if I wanted, I just haven't been able to get the time to actually put together enough for her to sell. I can't be reliable enough for her. I literally just need like...one more of me, or twelve more hours in the day.” She picked at the croissant as Wynne turned the page and started writing rapidly. “I have enough in savings for the first...year and a half of her school, but that'll go so quickly.”

“Selling the caravan should help offset...” 

“No.” She interrupted instantly, and then flushed at the look Wynne gave her over her glasses. “I'm sorry for interrupting. It's...that's not an option, that's all. I'm not selling our home. I mean, just because I left...”

Trailing off, a little weakly, she managed a lopsided little smile, voice breaking a bit.

“I hate money, Wynne.”

“I know, dear.” Wynne sighed, reaching over to give her a pat on the hand. She took the older woman's for a moment, and gave it a small squeeze. “You're doing well budgeting yourself. If you can cut your grocery bill in half and limit yourself to going out once a month, you should be able to put aside the amount you wanted to. It won't be fun, but you'll get by.”

“Nope. Good enough for me. If I can pick up an extra shift a week, that's one less meal I have to buy anyways.” She pointed out, sliding her phone out of her pocket to check her schedule. “If they have the hours, I guess. If not, well...do you know anyone that needs someone? Just for a few hours a week.”

“I'm full up here, at least for now. Did you check over at the market with Anders?” Wynne suggested, and then added, “Maybe a night shift once or twice a week? You're young yet.”

“Yeah, might have to. I'll go over there...ugh, but the day manager is the worst.” She groaned, already not looking forward to it. She'd do it, but she wasn't looking forward to it. “Well, whatever. Gotta do what I gotta do, huh?”

“We all do. Keep at it, dear. It's only for a few years, and you'll be grateful you did in the long run. You're a good sister.” Wynne assured her, with a little smile. “Now, eat that entire thing. You always forget to eat when you're worrying.”

“Yes, Wynne. Thank you so much, you're a genius.” She replied obediently, accepting her notebook back and turning her attention to studying it. She didn't have a lot of time if she wanted to get that piece soldered before tonight, but going over finances wasn't wasted time, really.

“Not enough of a genius to retire somewhere warm and sunny, of course not. Then again, I'd be bored silly.” Wynne replied exasperatedly as she rose, giving Ellana a brief pat on the shoulder before turning for the counter. “Alistair! What is that mess behind the counter? I am not your mother, clean up after yourself!”

“To be fair, it'd be more like grandmother...” Alistair started, and then halted at the look Wynne gave him. “Never mind! Never mind. Cleaning up!”

Ellana laughed quietly, shaking her head as she turned back to her notebook. Bleh. Maybe she could cut down groceries even a little more. Every little bit helped. On that note, though, she should go hit the corner store and see if they had any hours to spare.

Ugh. But she'd have to deal with her.

 

 

“I don't make the night shift schedule for this store.” Meredith reminded her, ashing her cigarette on the ground as she stared out across the road. The semi-permanent scowl followed someone skateboarding down the sidewalk. Probably hoping they'd get close enough to yell at. “But I believe there is some time that could be better covered. It would give me a chance to let go that incompetent fool who works weekends...”

“Well, if I have to wait until tonight and talk to Orsino...” She started, a little awkwardly. That'd be preferable. Orsino was...weird sometimes, but less scary. “I can do that, Miss Stannard.”

“No.” Meredith snapped, eyes narrowing. Not super surprising, she was kind of a control freak. It was no wonder Anders hated her so much, really. They were polar opposites. “This is just what I needed. He may control the schedule, but this is my store. Can you work Friday and Saturday overnights from ten until six?”

Ugh. Six? Really? That would give her...five, maybe six hours of sleep. But then she'd still have Sundays off unless the diner needed her, so it was actually...doable. Not at ten, though.

“I'm usually out of the diner by ten thirty, I can be here by eleven?” She replied hopefully. Maybe it wasn't a deal breaker. It depended on how spiteful she was feeling. 

“...Yes, I believe that will still give sufficient overlap. I will have Orsino call you this evening. There will be...paperwork.” Meredith replied, ashing her cigarette again, eyes narrowing. “Yes. That will be all. I have your number.”

“Okay. Thank you, Miss Stannard.” She replied, and then honestly...booked it. 

Thank the Creators she wouldn't actually have to work with her. 

So maybe she felt a little bad that someone was getting fired on her account, but honestly, from what Anders told her they were constantly in turnover. Sometimes they'd get rid of someone just because the other one hired them...it was...kinda crazy. At the very least, maybe she'd get a few paychecks out of it before one of them fired her out of spite and power games. 

Was going to make for exhausting weekends, but that was all right. She could work on orders during the week when she wasn't at the diner, and then just veg out on Sundays to recover. The extra money would mean maybe she didn't have to tighten her belt too much more.

On the other hand, she could tighten her belt and sock it away, which would probably be the smarter way to...

Glancing down as her phone started buzzing, she slipped a hand under the flap of her bag and tugged it out, glancing at the screen briefly. Hmh. Plans change?

“Yes, I went to the bank.” She greeted as she lifted the phone to her ear, picking up her pace a little as she crossed the street. “Heading home now, actually, to finish my work. What's up?”

“Hello, I am doing fine, thank you. How are you?” Solas replied, and then chuckled faintly when she made a rude noise. “Do I need to bring anything tonight?”

“Oh! I didn't think about that. Ummmmh...maybe? If there's something you want? Honestly, there's already going to be enough food to feed an army, knowing those guys. I'm on finance lockdown starting now, so I wasn't going to worry about it.” She replied, already going over in her head what there would probably be. They wanted to use her kitchen, which meant it would probably be a lot. “Nothing fancy, probably. Lots of snacks, Cullen's probably making chili, Bethany and Carver usually make something big. Pasta, probably. If you wanted to, probably some dessert?”

“I can manage that. Is...everything all right?” The tone of his voice abruptly annoyed her. It shouldn't. It really shouldn't. 

At least she recognized that it shouldn't, and took a minute to calm her head as she fished out her keys, pausing at the front door of the building. Finally she let out a slow sigh.

“Yes. Everything's fine. And I almost just yelled at you, which I shouldn't do. Even though I didn't do it, I still feel bad, so this is me apologizing.” It was hard, she could feel the fidgety anxiousness coming back, and she shouldered open the door, clenching her teeth together. Relax, it wasn't his fault.

“It wasn't my place to ask, I apologize. Just let me know if you want me to look at the sch...”

“No!” This time she wasn't successful in not yelling at him. He went silent. She paused in the lobby, taking in a long, slow breath, closing her eyes. He wasn't here, just focus. Just... “Please. I don't know how to say this in a way that's...not me...so if you could just...take it with that in mind...”

“Of course.” He replied, but it was...subdued. And she felt bad for that.

“It's none of your business. That's all. I...I don't want you...I don't want you to think of me like that, okay? It's...” 

Oh, fuck.

Why was she crying?

All she could hope is that he couldn't tell that she was, and try to blink back the tears as she paced upstairs at last. Shit. Wiping her free hand across her eyes, she pinched the bridge of her nose afterwards and breathed in sharply before continuing.

“I don't want you to think about me like that.” She repeated, a little more firmly. Why was this so hard? “I hate money. Okay? And...and I hate talking about money, and thinking about money, and that's all I've been doing today...don't you dare feel bad for me. This is one of these things that I...it's never going to be something I will want to talk about. Don't you dare pity me, though, or I will...”

“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything.” He replied, interrupting smoothly. Still sounding...sort of detached. It didn't make this easier, though it should have. “You are right. It's not my place, you're a perfectly capable woman. I was only worried because I care about you.”

Nope, she was still crying. Stopping on the top stair, she abruptly sat down, lifting a hand to cover her face. All of her momentum was gone, a screeching halt inside her brain that let all of the shit catch up. She hated this. Hated it. The creeping sense of vulnerability was preying at the back of her neck, making her cringe. It was fine, he wasn't here. He wasn't...

“Can you do me a favor?” She asked, well aware that he could probably hear the catch in her voice now, as she huddled against the wall, head tucked under the banister. The first tear finally escaped, and she wiped it away with her palm, smearing it across her cheek.

“Hmm?” He asked simply, quietly.

“I know you...probably have to go back to work, but can you just...sit there with me for a minute? Not say anything, don't make a big deal out of it...” The earlier conversation in her mind made the words catch in her throat a little, but she cleared it and continued on. “Just...pretend for a minute that you don't. That you don't care about me. Please just let me pretend...don't try to...make me feel better, don't...”

“I understand.” He assured her, and the mixture of relief and frustration she felt was almost awkwardly intense.

She didn't...want...to do this. It's not like it was a big deal, she was just tired. That's all. Just tired, it wasn't anything important. Desperately a part of her wanted to tell him that, so he didn't think she needed him. And she would have. 

If she could talk.

All she could do now was cry, giving in to the frustration and exhaustion. It wasn't fair. Not any of it. Why did everything have to be so fucking hard? It had been bad before, it always had been, but ever since...it wasn't his business, it wasn't anyone's business. It's not like she could make her mom alive. It's not like she could go back and slap herself in the head for being so stupid and stubborn. It was what it was, but she was just tired. Just for a minute, and she just wanted to...cry. She wanted to cry and not be alone.

He stayed silent while she did, though she could hear him breathing. It helped.

Eventually the tightness in her chest eased just a little, and she breathed in heavily, sniffling as she wiped her eyes again. They were starting to sting a little.

“...I'm sorry.” She murmured, and then tried to clear her throat, slowly rising to her feet. “Can we overthrow the economy and start a communist utopia? Or at least rob a bank?”

“Just tell me where and when.” He replied, calm and completely normal. She was grateful for that. “I will be your getaway driver any time.”

“Partners in crime. I'm okay with that.” She laughed, wiping her eyes one last time as she moved to unlock her front door. Her head was already feeling clearer. “Sounds like a plan. See you tonight?”

“I look forward to it. I think you'll like Cassandra.” 

“I'm sure I will. The question is, will she survive?” The apartment was quiet, but it wouldn't be for long. Just long enough for her to finish her work, hopefully. 

“If I did, I think anyone can.” He replied, giving a small self-deprecating chuckle. “I will see you tonight.”

“Okay. And...” She knew he wouldn't make a big deal out of it, so she could manage to get the words out, trying not to let her voice catch again. “Thanks.”  
“Well, I only offered because you don't have a car.” He pointed out, voice still soothingly calm. “I have to get back to work. I'll see you later.”

She was still laughing when he hung up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Things were noisy. Apparently it wasn't just a game, but some sort of playoffs? She had no idea, she'd never followed hockey, didn't know anyone that did until she met Fereldens. Apparently they really liked it. Almost as much as dogs, bland food, and awkward family relationships, from what she could tell from the ones she knew.

By which she meant that Marian was back from wherever she'd wandered to, and Carver was sulking in the kitchen eating nachos instead of watching the game across the hall. It must have been bad, usually at least Bethany being over would help.

“I don't know, Carver. She probably didn't mean anything by it...” She started, only to get a scowl from him, rolling her eyes as she stepped around the counter to get a beer. Bull wouldn't mind. “You know how Hawke is. She's...”

“Horrible? A pain in my ass? Rude and insensitive?” Carver supplied sourly, and then sighed. “I'm fine, Ellie. Really. Used to being in her shadow.”

“It's not all that bad, is it?” Merrill asked sympathetically from her seat on the counter, patting him on the shoulder. “She's just having a bit of fun with you, that's all.”

“A bit of fun...” Carver replied bitterly, while from behind his back Ellie shook her head at Merrill. “Right. It's all good fun. For her.”

“That's not what I...” Merrill started, and then stopped as she noticed the broad cut-off gestures she was making, at last. “I...never mind, Carver. I should probably get ready for work.”

“Lock up your bedroom.” She suggested, reaching for the bottle opener. “I'll keep the apartment tidy as I can. Will you be home tonight?”

“I don't think so...” Merrill replied, after a part to Carver's shoulder as he sullenly ate his nachos. “Don't worry too much, though, if they make a mess they'll clean it up. Just...you know. No one on the couch we don't both know.”

“I might take it.” Carver decided, picking at a piece of cheese. “Not looking forward to going home tonight to listen to mother singing Marian's praises. 'Oh, Carver, why can't you be more like your sister?”

Sighing, she plonked her beer down in front of Carver and got another one, restraining herself from rolling her eyes. It was difficult, but she gave it a shot. He'd snap out of it soon enough.

“Thanks, Ellie.” Carver mumbled, reaching for the bottle and taking a long swig.

“Sure, no prob...” She started, words fading out with amusement at the knock, and the sight that greeted her as she lifted her gaze. She ignored the flutter. No fluttering, especially not in her chest. “Door's wide open, but I appreciate the manners.”

Setting her unopened beer aside, she slipped around the counter, extending her hands for the bag Solas was carrying. The brief once-over flick of his eyes made her grin, a little lopsidedly, as he avoided her grab and pulled her in gently by the elbow. She was dressed up to meet his friend, not him. Besides, it was barely dressing up. Just a comfy slouchy sweater, and her favorite pair of pants...okay, well, technically leggings. But she'd bought them because they were patterned like stained glass, and they made her butt look really good. It counted as pants.

“I do own clothes besides sweatpants and work clothes.” She murmured, trying not to look as embarrassed as she felt. “Who let you in?”

“Anders. You really are terrible at greetings, aren't you?” He replied, and she made a small sound of annoyance in the back of her throat. “Do I at least get a kiss, if you cannot pretend you know how to hold a conversation?”

“Hello, Solas! So nice to see you!” She chirruped in her most Stepford voice, pulling a vapid face as he laughed at her, low and short, leaning down. “Cocktail? Cigar? Should I rub your damn fee...”

He silenced her with a brief kiss, but with that little tug of her lower lip that made the flutter from earlier settle warmly in her stomach instead. His nose nudged against hers as he pulled back, lingering for a moment to gaze into her eyes for a moment before she managed to look away. She didn't care for that whole sensation of being 'checked up on', even though she supposed she had earned it after the phone call earlier.

“I'm not a smoker, but thank you.” He replied easily, as if she hadn't been teasing him, giving a small kiss to her forehead before pulling back. “Good evening, Carver.”

“Hey. Solas, right? It's hard to remember names, with the way that...”

She looked over her shoulder, eyes narrowing as she caught Carver's gaze. The little smirk faded, and he abruptly cleared his throat. He'd better not snark, bad mood or no. She wasn't going to let him take it out on her. He really could be a little shit when he let Marian get into his head.

“...People are always coming and going around here.” Carver finally finished, about as smoothly as he ever got. A burst of laughter from across the hall had him scowling again. “You here to watch the game? If so, I'd say find other plans. It's the Marian Hawke show over there.”

“Sibling rivalry.” She explained as they disentangled, and he dodged another attempt at his grocery bags. She took his laptop bag instead as he offered it to her, eyeing his back as he moved for the fridge. “What are you hiding from me?”

“You'll find out later.” He replied, tying one of the bags in a knot as she frowned at him, and then turned his attention to Carver. Her eyes narrowed as she watched the bag. “I cannot say I'm much for hockey. A friend of mine from university is joining us for dinner. She should be here shortly.”

“We're probably going to watch a movie.” She agreed, and made another grab for the bag as he opened the fridge and tucked it in. This time he swatted her on the nose, and then laughed at the offended look she gave him. “Hey! Unnecessary!”

“Don't poke it where it has no business being, and then I won't need to.”

“It's my fridge.” She retorted, and then turned as Merrill dashed through, grabbing her purse and darting out the door. “Bye, Merrill! ...She's late. She's always late. You'd think dating the owner would help her relax about that, but...nah.”

“Merrill's pretty...” Carver stopped, and then went dead, staring at the door with his beer in hand.

Curiously, she turned to see what had him so worked up. She knew instinctively that she had to be Solas' friend, with that particular level of class and bemusement. To be fair, it was sort of a bemusing group, but she was sincerely hoping it was good-natured, and not offended.

“A woman ran into me on the stairs.” She finally said, somewhat apologetically, voice heavy with what must be a Nevarran accent. Gorgeous voice. Gorgeous face, really. She sort of needed to sketch those cheekbones. “She ran off before I could apologize. I hope I didn't hurt her.”

“That...was probably Merrill. She's late for work, I'm sure she's fine. She's sorta made of rubber.” She assured, and smiled a little wider, stepping around Solas and extending her hand. “Hi, you must be Cassandra, I'm Ellana. This is probably the part where Solas tells me he's supposed to make the introductions.”

“I believe, actually, this is the part where Ellana needles me in front of you to see if she can make you laugh.” Solas interjected smoothly, as Cassandra shook her hand with a faint smile. She rolled her eyes, and that smile deepened. “Cassandra Pentaghast, Ellana Lavellan. And...”

Of course he'd remember. She was sort of grateful for it, because she was terrible at remembering these things. She stepped back and half-turned, moving out of the way of Cassandra's line of sight. And maybe admired her cheekbones a little more. Damn. She had like a...classical painting sort of face. Not that she ever worked in anything besides glass any more, but if she had a chunk of marble lying around...

“Carver Hawke.” Carver supplied, lifting his beer in a wave. He had sort of a funny look on his face. Uh oh. Well, that wasn't too surprising. He did have a bad habit of puppy-dog crushing. Not that she blamed him this time. “Nice...nice to meet you. Sorry for all the noise. It can be kinda busy around here.”

“I was warned.” Cassandra admitted, peeking back over her shoulder towards the doorway, drawing her attention down from the ceiling. She seemed curious about the butterflies, but didn't ask. “I had forgotten it was the playoffs already. Time tends to slip away from me when I am studying.”

“What are you working on?” She asked, accepting the bottle of wine Cassandra offered her with a smile. “Hey, thanks. I think we've got a bottle open on the counter if you'd like a glass of something, or I can pop this open?”

“I am a public defender. Solas and I were in law school together before he changed programs.” Cassandra replied, nodding gratefully as she lifted the already-open bottle. “Thank you. There is just a short program I need to complete to advance my career further.”

“Cassandra is an excellent lawyer, albeit too principled.” Solas remarked, and from the wry look she gave him, Ellie assumed it was an old joke. “The public office is lucky to have her.”

“The world is of course quite lucky that Solas changed programs.” Cassandra retorted with a hint of a smile, deepening as she accepted the glass of wine. “As he is far too skilled at the intricate mental gymnastics that would make him a menace in the courtroom. And likely turn him morally bankrupt in the bargain.”

“Morally bankrupt?” Solas asked with mock indignation, frowning aside at her as she dissolved into laughter. That only made her laugh all the more, and Cassandra chuckled. “I regret this entire evening already. Does Antivan for dinner suit you both?”

“Yes, I think so. I am rather famished, I believe I skipped lunch.” Cassandra confessed, and then gestured to the couch with her glass. “Come, tell me about yourself, Ellana? Solas says you are an artist?”

“That does sound better than waitress, I suppose.” She agreed wryly, grinning all the same. Grabbing her beer again, she wandered to the couch, Carver's gaze trailing after them. Jeez. Hopefully he didn't get drunk and weird. “Nothing as exciting as saving people from jail, I guess. Sculpture, though I mostly work in stained glass. It's always been my favorite, and I just don't have the space or money for anything else. Every now and again I poke at clay.”

They settled in to chat, front door letting in the occasional interloper in search of food. Cassandra seemed comfortable enough, which she was grateful for. It was kind of a weird household to get used to, but the more she got to know her, the more she liked her. She was just so...earnest. And from the way she sort of...unfolded the more she spoke, she sort of got the feeling that Cassandra spent about as much time alone as Solas did. Driven, self-possessed, intelligent people who didn't spend nearly enough time around people. That's okay. That's what they had her for, after all.

It took less than an hour to decide Cassandra was hers now. She sort of had a feeling that's what Solas had been hoping for, anyways. He seemed rather pleased as they chatted, spending more time silent than interjecting himself. 

 

 

They were halfway through dinner and the admittedly terrible movie when Cullen came in to refill the chips, halfway through waving when she twisted around to peek at him. And then he stopped, with the weirdest expression on his face. She tilted her head to the side curiously, as Solas half-turned to see what had her attention. 

“Cassandra?” Cullen asked, seeming rather as if he'd seen a ghost. She hadn't seen him look that rough in ages. “Is that really you?”

“Cullen?!” Practically dropping her plate, Cassandra shot to her feet and spun around. They stared at each other, while Ellie watched with round eyes. “Cullen Rutherford!”

Glancing aside at Solas, she got a shrug and a kiss on her shoulder, and then went back to staring. He gave her a little tug, trying to pull her back down, but she ignored it. Was this a romance thing? Oh man, she hoped so. Were they going to run into each other's arms? She pursed her lips together tightly and hoped. Cullen needed to get laid so bad.

“I haven't seen you since...” Guarded, his expression now. Darn. Not a romance thing. Still, this was interesting. Cullen didn't talk about before stuff. “Are you still working for the Chantry?”

“I...no. I am working for the public defender's off...” Cassandra started, and then stopped, closing her eyes with a little sigh. “Hawke. That was...Marian Hawke's brother, wasn't it? Oh, Maker.”

This time when Solas tugged her, a little more insistently, she sighed and slumped down against his side. It was hard not to be snoopy, especially when it was going on just over her head. And with it getting more awkward by the moment. Curiosity turned to concern pretty quickly. She hoped this wasn't...bad. She liked Cassandra. 

“This is...a little awkward. I'm just going to go back to the game, I think.” Cullen decided, after a moment longer. “But...it's good to see you Cassandra. Unexpected, but good.”

“It is...good to see you as well, Cullen.” Cassandra finally replied, and then added a bit less stiffly, “Perhaps we should catch up some time. Some...other time.”

“I...would like that, actually. Yes.” Cullen agreed, and then nodded once or twice as he turned for the door. He may have paused once for one last curious look, shaking his head as he ducked out.

Not that she was spying again. 

Solas gave her a wry look, and she stuck her tongue out at him discreetly, before turning her attention to Cassandra. Not that she was going to pry. Grabbing her empty bottle, she rose to her feet, extending a hand with a smile.

“Get you another glass of wine?” She interjected, before the other woman felt like she was expected to say anything about that. She knew enough from trying to poke at Cullen that it wouldn't be welcome. He wouldn't say a word about when he used to work for the Chantry. “Man, I feel bad for picking this movie. New rule. I'm not allowed to pick movies.”

“The budget must have been excellent, if nothing else.” Solas agreed as she took Cassandra's glass, flashing the woman a smile as she turned away from the couch. “But I am afraid you are right. You have terrible taste.”

“Well, I picked you. So...I guess you're right.” She sighed in response, avoiding the swat aimed her way as she ducked around the couch. “Ah ah! Don't dish it out if you can't take it!”

She felt a little better when she heard Cassandra laugh. Good. 

Maybe the night was salvageable. 

 

 

 

“You...” Cassandra began as they stepped out into the hall, adjusting her coat, buttoning it up the front. “Did not tell me she was Dalish.”

Her voice was careful, delicate, and he sighed at the implication behind it. He had not, admittedly, it was as much denial on his part as it was blindness of her cultural heritage. She was Ellana, after all, and a blanket title fit her no better than any other box he could try to place her in.

“I did not.” He agreed, and then quietly added, “I would hope that it would not matter, in truth.”

“You know that is not what I meant.” Cassandra replied dismissively, as they walked for the stairwell. “She knows...about your family, then? She has no issue with it?”

“It has not come up, precisely. She has met them.” He shouldn't be cagey, he knew he shouldn't, but it was...not a subject he wanted to address at this point. The look Cassandra gave him was close to withering. “No, I have not asked if she knows about...it all. I do not want to know.”

“Solas...” She sighed, and the brief sting of guilt must have shown in his expression, as her voice gentled as they headed down. “I like her. A great deal. She is charming and amusing, and full of life, and...I have not seen you look so happy in all of the years we have known each other. Don't ruin it with lies.”

“It is all I can do to keep her from running from me as it is, Cassandra. What should I say? Things are not...stable enough.” He protested, low and quiet after a glance over his shoulder. “I told you, she is not terribly comfortable with emotional intimacy. You advised me that...”

“Lying was not part of what I told you to do, Solas.” Cassandra replied dismissively, turning to face him as she reached the lobby, pulling on her gloves. “So that claim simply does not work. Why haven't you been honest with her?”

He stared down at her, the words, excuses he had meant to say leaving him. Under her gaze even in the darkness, face steadfast and searching, he couldn't lie. Not to her, not to him. The confession shouldn't have been for Cassandra. It hurt more than he realized that it could have that he had to admit this to her, and not to Ellana. He couldn't, however. Not yet. Hopefully some day, but until then...

“Because I love her.” He admitted quietly, letting the words fall simply, openly. It was a truth, and difficult, as they so often seemed to be. “I am in love with her, Cassandra. You are right, she makes me happy, and I had not thought...that I would be able to feel this way. I am terrified...that this is one more thing my family will destroy, so yes. That is why I have said nothing.”

They stood in silence for a time, Cassandra's night-darkened gaze searching his face, the curve of her cheek highlighted by the orange light outside. Finally she sighed, and her expression softened, head shaking from side to side. 

“It cannot end well, Solas. Try, please. Try to find a way, I do not want to see you ruin this. She is...” Cassandra started, a little uncertainly.

“Everything.” He finished, before he even realized he had said it. For some reason, it mattered to him that Cassandra understand. That someone know. “She...doesn't even comprehend how much she means to me. How much she's changed, and it is...frustrating...that I cannot tell her. There is so much warmth to her, so much brightness, something I was starving for, Cassandra, and the thought of losing it...losing her...to them, of all things...”

“I...” He knew he had her, then, and Cassandra finally gave a sigh, wistful one moment, and then resigned the next. “I understand, Solas. But you must try. Find a way, or life will find one for you, and it will be much less pleasant.”

“The only thought worse than losing her is driving her away by pushing too hard. It's simply not time yet.” He replied, feeling his own purpose firming up again. Even before he had known the depths of his own feelings, this was something he had known. He would go gently, or he would lose her. “When it is, I will know.”

“For your sake, I hope that is true.” Cassandra finally replied, giving a single nod of her head before turning for the door. “Good night, Solas.”

“Good night, Cassandra.” He replied quietly, as she pushed open the door and slipped out into the street. He watched her go, a dark shadow turning up the block and melting into the darkness, and then gazed outside as a few sluggish snowflakes swirled down.

A few minutes passed, and then he sighed, stifled his feelings and the conflict weighing on his heart, and turned to go back up the stairs again. It was not time. If only he could convince his own traitorous heart to keep the words inside his head, where they belonged.

A single slip, and it could all come tumbling down.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She'd been up since like three in the morning. Not that she would tell Solas that, or wake him up, because he was exhausted. Dead to the world. He slept like he'd never slept before in his life, which always made her wonder if he just...didn't at home or something. Besides, they'd been up late. He'd been in an odd mood last night, after Cassandra had left. Lots of thoughtful staring at the ceiling and being clingy. Not the bad kind of clingy, the good kind. For once he hadn't seemed to feel like talking, which was fine, but the weird mood had made her kind of uneasy.

And apparently the uneasiness had lodged in her brain and not let her sleep properly.

They came every now and again for her. These mornings. Usually when she was stressed as hell and exercised too late in the day, or drank too much. Two of the three tended to bring it on. This morning she was pretty sure it was the first two, since sex counted as exercise. At least she counted it, which was why she hadn't been jogging in a while.

At three in the morning, not much to do. She spent two hours working after pulling the blanket over Solas' head, trying to keep her work lamp from bothering him. If such a thing was even possible. She'd finished up a commission that'd been hanging over her head for the last couple weeks, and then indulged in a little more work on the piece she was making for him. It made sense, after all. He liked them, so...it wasn't really a big deal.

She was using leftover glass anyways.

And she bought the bases in bulk, so she had them on hand, and...when had she started forcing herself to justify everything? And to herself! It wasn't like there was anyone else in her head.

He liked it, that should be good enough. And it hadn't escaped her notice that he tried paying for things all too often. It should piss her off, and it sort of did, but he was really good at doing it discreetly. She didn't know she should be pissed off until it was too late. Then she'd just look silly for getting mad. It should probably worry her how sneaky he was, but she found she was mostly okay with it. Still. It left her feeling a little...well, he had a habit of using her dense brain against her a bit, and not letting her take care of him. Mostly because she didn't notice he'd gotten the upper hand until too late.

Not just money-wise, or just sex, but he was always turning the attention to her, letting her lead the way. Letting himself fall aside, a little bit. She'd always thought he was just kind of aloof before. Now she was starting to realize he was just used to...being the background in other people's lives. It was starting to worry her, just a little. 

At five she knew Wynne would be just about ready to open up, so she decided to get revenge on him for getting dinner last night, and slipped out of the apartment. It was snowing again, but barely. Kind of lackluster, really, but it was pretty coming down before it got ugly on the ground. The walk was quiet enough that she felt awkward putting her headphones in, like she was blaring her taste out into the world, infecting the peace.

She did it anyways, but felt bad about it. Like a lot of things in life.

Only Wynne, this early in the morning, all by herself working away. She didn't know how she managed it, but she'd probably been up as early as Ellie was. Then again, she said she'd been working the night shift at the hospital for years before she retired, so maybe baker's hours were easier. The door chimed as she slipped in, but quickly she lifted her voice as the warm air washed over her, fluttering back strands of hair and enveloping her in the scents of sugar and yeast.

“Just me, Wynne! Don't rush through anything!” 

She wandered up to the counter as she listened to the sounds of industry in the back, taking an idle moment to restock the napkin dispensers waiting a refill. Why not? They were there, and they practically had the same ones at the diner. It's not like she didn't know how.

She was returning them to the tables when Wynne stepped out of the back, wiping hands on her floury apron. 

“You don't have to do that, dear.” The older woman chided her pleasantly, but she could hear the smile in her voice. “Thank you, all the same. Another early morning for you?”

“Couldn't sleep.” She agreed, turning to the counter after setting out the last one, leaning against it. “Hrmrrrh.”

“Well, that's an introspective look.” Wynne mused, peering over her glasses for a moment before turning to pour her a cup of coffee. “Talk it out.”

“I'm just coming to realize I have no idea how to do nice things for people. I mean, actually wanting to do something nice, setting out to do it. All...with intentions, you know?” She started, smiling gratefully as the cup was slid to her. She capped it neatly, and then started playing with it. “There's someone...who keeps doing nice things for me, and I'm not actually sure how to do nice stuff for them. They're really good at...slipping it past my defenses. Even if I get an idea it's generally...something they already did and I'm copying them.”

“Being kind to one another is not a contest or a war, Ellana, and you just finished doing work for me that I'm certainly not paying you for.” Wynne pointed out, and she gave a small sigh. “I think that you don't realize that you do kind things for people all the time. You're simply...practical about it. You do small, useful things in the moment, not planned, grand gestures. There is nothing wrong with that.”

“Yeah, but...it's not the same, you know? I want them to feel like...like I'm giving back what they give to me.” She started, and then sighed and shook her head, turning the cup of coffee, breathing in the steam. “It's hard. You know? He wants to...talk, all the time. About...plans, feelings. I can't do that, Wynne. And I guess I think sometimes...it seems like I care less.”

“Do you care less?” Wynne asked her penetratingly, turning to head back into the kitchen, though the door was propped open enough to hear her still talking. “There's no shame in that, you know, and there's nothing wrong with it. Everyone does things at their own pace. Everyone feels differently.”

That made her frown, and she lifted the scalding coffee for a tiny sip, letting it sear over her tongue. She breathed out a sigh through her nose as she contemplated it. Did she? Maybe, but that didn't mean...

“It still doesn't mean I don't care. And...he's really great, Wynne. And his family's crap, and I kind of get the feeling that he's just used to...doing everything on his own. He doesn't have anyone to worry over him or anything.” She fell silent, listening to trays being shifted and moved into the oven, or re-racked, before Wynne appeared again with a tray of cooled pastries, setting them out on the counter. “And I think that someone should, because he's pretty amazing. And I kind of think...that could be me, but...”

“You're afraid it's going to be too much for you.” Wynne pointed out, and she acknowledged the point with a faint 'mhm'. “So, let me see if I've gotten this straight. He cares for you. Obviously more than you're comfortable with, but you care enough to not...”

“Oh, you can just say it, Wynne.” She sighed, trying not to sound as exasperated as she felt. “Do what I always do. Run screaming. Cut it off before it can get too far. Panic.”

“More or less.” The agreement got a slight scowl, and Wynne laughed and offered her a danish. She shook her head lightly. “Well, I don't know, Ellana. It sounds as if you might care for him more than you're willing or able to admit. And you know, that's all right, too. Grand gestures might just not be what you're capable of. You can find your own way to make him feel special.”

“Stop making it sound all...schmoopy.” She protested with a groan, and got a little 'tsk' for her trouble. “I know, I know. Sorry. It's just...'make him feel special'. It's...really...It's just...he's so smart, and kind, and thoughtful and it's just such a damn shame that nobody ever fusses over him. I just don't know how to do it, but I...want to. But it's ME! And I'm a disaster.”

“You need to work on your emotional honesty, young woman. Have you tried telling him what you just told me? Think about it. Now. What do you want for breakfast?” Wynne deflected, finishing unloading her tray and turning to put it back away. “I've got some almond croissants just cooling.”

“No, I don't think...” She started musing, and then abruptly smiled to herself. “Hey, do you have any orders from yesterday that didn't get picked up?”

“For breakfast? Ellana!” Wynne scolded, and then laughed faintly at her chagrined expression. “Well...I suppose you're only young once. I'll give you a discount.”

“Thank you, Wynne!” She replied with her most winning smile, pulling out her wallet. “I'll grab some stuff for Carver, too. You're the best.”

 

 

A stop at the corner store had rounded out her morning excursion, and she was home just before six. It felt like the whole world was still asleep, but that was Sunday morning for you. Especially Sunday morning after a big game. She left the bag of donuts on the table next to the couch before heading to her room. Carver was still out, but she didn't tiptoe around him. He was snoring like a mabari, face down, and probably wouldn't have heard a thing.

Unsurprisingly, the lump in her bed didn't appear to have moved either. She sort of wanted to wake him up, but figured it would probably be nicer to let him sleep himself out. He didn't have work until tonight, she'd checked. Setting down her box and plastic bag on the dresser, she turned her attention back to her work table. She could get a bit more done, probably. Headphones still in, went back to her seat, tucking her legs up. 

Time slipped by, and before she knew it, three hours had passed.

Her first indication that he was awake was the breath on the top of her head, which precluded a kiss that came only when she had carefully set the soldering iron aside, putting it back in its stand. She reached up and tugged out her headphones by the cord with one hand, tilting her head upwards to try and find him.

This time he met her lips, and he tasted like toothpaste, which only made her wonder how long he'd been awake. Fingers curled under her chin, and then stroked down her throat, tips idly wandering along the neckline of her t-shirt.

“Good morning.” He greeted her once the awkward upside-down kiss was broken, and she grinned lopsidedly. “That looks much more feasible in movies.”

“Well, we didn't bash noses.” She pointed out, his chuckle tingling down her spine. “Go curl up in bed, I'll be right there. Is Carver still here?”

“He was sleeping when I went to use the restroom.” Solas replied, stepping back from her seat. “Do you have any plans today? I realize we didn't discuss it yesterday.”

“You were in a weird mood.” She admitted, idly, but kept talking before he could interject. “No, I'm trying to keep my Sundays free, I ah...”

Oh yeah, she hadn't told him about the new job. Turning in her seat, she gazed soberly across the room at him as he sat on the edge of the bed. Their eyes met, and after a moment he frowned.

“Is something wrong?” He finally asked, and an embarrassed laugh escaped her.

“No, I just keep getting these...okay, this is one of those 'be tolerant of how I talk, please' moments.” She finally decided, shucking off her sweatshirt before crawling up onto the opposite side of the bed, sitting back against her feet. “Please?”

“Very well. You're getting better at warning me.” He pointed out, looking oddly pleased. It both amused her, and sort of made her want to hide. Like a lot of things.

“Sometimes I'm not sure what is, and isn't any of your damn business. Like, I want to tell you things, but then I start wondering if it has anything to do with you, and I...” Flustered, she let herself be drawn in by the elbow as he reached for her, walking in closer on her knees, and then settling back on her heels again. It was easier to think by his side. “I sort of think it is, and then my brain snaps back and it's all 'it's no one's business'...I'm...so used to doing everything alone.”

A quiet, small confession, it hung in the air. It made her feel vulnerable, too vulnerable, but for now, she just...let herself be. Even if she couldn't meet his eyes any more.

“I...want you to have to do with me. You know I'm not used to it either, but I would like to try.” He finally replied, and she felt her stomach clench a little, though she couldn't say if it was good or bad. “Even the small things. I don't wish for it to be...you against the world. I want it to be you and I.”

The squirming was coming on, she could feel it rising, and knew he could too. Part of her wanted to try and fight it back, but he silently opened an arm to her, and she found she couldn't resist. His bare side was still warm, and her face fit in so neatly between it and his arm, as she breathed in deeply and curled in against him. Security there, and she nuzzled, drinking it in. Emotional honesty?

Why not ask for a moon.

There were a million things she could say, a million ways to duck out, slide away. He gave so much and she wanted to give in return, but what she wanted was to take care of him, without offering anything of herself. That's what she wanted, and...it wasn't what he wanted. At all. Maybe...maybe it wasn't about doing things like he did for her, but giving him what she could instead. Doing what she could to try and rise to meet his needs. Stepping outside of her...well...discomfort zone.

“Okay.” She finally replied, small and faint, against him. “Okay, sure.”

She felt him stiffen, and the silence stretched between them, as his hand wandered down her back, and he relaxed again. It was almost painful, the hint of hope in his voice as he spoke, and she wondered again just why and how he was putting up with her bullshit.

“Sure to what, Ellana?” He finally asked, twisting a tendril of hair back behind her ear, and then running fingertips along it. “If you're able to...”

“The...stuff.” She finally managed to get out, embarrassed by the slight break in her voice. “The. Okay. You and me, that's okay. I...I'm...yes. Okay. Sure.”

Now she was babbling which was just lovely. And he'd gotten very still and quiet, as if expecting her to freak out and run away if he made the wrong move. The only thing that annoyed her more than that was the fact that it was fucking true. Ugh. He didn't deserve this.

“Never mind, I'm a mess. I'm a mess and you...you're so patient with me and I...you can do a lot better anyways, so just fucking forget it. I'm a complete fucking disaster, and...”

She was just getting revved up for some proper self-recrimination when he rolled over and buried her, eliciting a small squeak that stalled her words. Arms curled around her, hugging him tightly to her chest as he tucked his cheek against the top of her head.

“Stop.” He ordered her, and she let out her breath against his chest. She should probably be offended or something he was telling her what to do, but she needed the reminder right then that she could close her mouth. “Please never say anything like that to me again. Please.”

“I'm so bad at this.” She replied woefully, muffled. Good muffled, though. It was dark here, easier to think, and she could close her eyes without being rude. Not as good as the sweater, but it'd do. “So, so bad at it...”

“It means everything to me that you're trying.” He assured her quietly, and she let out a little sigh that was almost a laugh. “It does. I'm being quite sincere.”

She fell silent as she burrowed in deeper, trying to gather her thoughts and her words. He wanted her to try. Okay. She could try, she just...needed a minute. He seemed to realize that, and said nothing more. Finally she sighed and spoke carefully, trying to not let her tongue get away from her. The weight on her helped anchor her brain, just enough.

“I...suck. At this. I mean, beyond me being self deprecating or whatever, it's true. I suck at this, and...what I feel like you deserve...from me. From the whole world, honestly, is...so far outside my abilities that I...I'm terrified.” There, there it was, she was fucking scared out of her mind. “It's...it's different when they're not really people I'm into, or they're kind of a dick, or whatever, because when it inevitably implodes I can just...it just rolls off my back and it's gone.”

Self-reflection was really not her forte, but she was giving it a go anyways. And holy shit, was it unflattering. But she'd always sort of known it was going to be when she was finally honest, didn't she? The revelation made her wince, but he just kissed the top of her head.

“I'm not...I want to be there. Like, in ways I hadn't thought about before, you know. Being present. In this, with...you. I don't do...present, I keep a foot out the door. I know it makes you angry, but I'm gonna say it again, because it's true. I don't deserve you.” She cut off his sound of protest, continuing to speak doggedly as his arms tightened around her. “I don't get it. Okay? I'm probably not going to. I don't understand why you don't see what an asshole I am. And...I don't understand why you want to be with me...and I don't understand how I'm supposed to treat you the way you deserve to be treated and I just...”

Her voice broke, and she forced it back down, tucking her forehead against his chest so she could blink back the tears without giving them away. No. No, she wouldn't cry in front of him. This was all going...wrong. This isn't what she had wanted to do. It wasn't what she wanted to say, she wanted to be nice to him, not fucking...verbally explode all over.

“I want you to be happy.” She finally confessed, in a small voice, and then cleared her throat heavily. “Because you are so dumb and amazing and too sweet to me even though I don't deserve a single bit of it, and I am going to fuck this all up and hurt you. But I still want to try, because I was trying to think of ways to...make you happy, like all the little things you do for me, and...everything seemed so wrong and pointless and I realized I was just trying to make myself...feel better about it. Like I was keeping score in my head. Because I don't know how.”

She had never been so grateful for silence in her life. That knowledge just kind of made this all the harder, because when had he gotten so good at knowing what she needed? It just shamed her all the more that she had no damn idea how to make him happy. Not while being her. Not while doing things the way she'd always done them.

“So, okay. I'm done. With...acting like an ass. I...know I have been, and I know it's probably confusing as hell. It's just words because we're already living it, and...but they're big words and I'm scared.” The vulnerability was going to kill her. She knew she was reaching her limit, but she gritted her teeth and got the last few words out anyways, forcing them past the knot in her chest. “So okay, I guess I'm gonna be selfish again instead of trying to make you happy. I don't know what to do. Help me, please. Please, Solas, I have no fucking idea what I'm doing.”

She felt him sigh, and her tolerance with herself ran out, and she mumbled quickly, defensively.

“...none of that made any sense.”

“Back into a pumpkin.” He replied quietly, and she gave a little snort that was almost a laugh, some of the tension easing. “I don't think I've ever been so pleased to be called 'dumb' in my life, if I'm being quite honest with you. Are you capable of talking any more about this right now?”

She knew she should give him a chance, but honestly, she felt like she'd just run a marathon, and all she could do was shake her head violently against him. If anything, him talking about this stuff was even worse than her talking about this stuff, because he was way better at it.

“We are going to. Eventually.” He promised, and then laughed quietly at her groan of protest. “Likely when you're too tired to escape me. You have been warned.”

The sound of his voice made her heart do that little flippy thing, though, warm and pleased and full of something she really wasn't comfortable with. It was still nice to hear it, though. He sounded happy.

Maybe she'd done something right after all, for once in her life.

“I'm going to say it.” He informed her, and she grumbled again, twisting in his arms and reaching up to shove at his shoulder. “I am, you cannot stop me.”

“Go away, I changed my mind. I hate you now.” She replied, squirming down, trying to escape the lips against her ear. “Don't you fucking dare. I take it back, I take it all back...”

“You're my girlfriend.” He informed her smugly, and suddenly she regretted every single decision she'd ever made. Every single one. Even the ones that didn't involve him.

An ocean of regret, or some other stupid apt metaphor. Some sort of Lovecraftian fuckup lurking in its depths, awaiting its moment to rise and level all of this in one fell swoop. Hell. He'd better know what he was doing, because she sure didn't.

“Shut up, I'll fight you.” She groaned in response, but he just laughed again, and she found it was pretty damn difficult to be upset when he did that. “I will.”

“No, I don't believe you will. You're going to kiss me.” He replied, and she considered proving him wrong just because he sounded so damn self-satisfied. “Because you're my girlfriend.”

Okay, now he was asking for it. She had to prove him wrong now. There was no other choice. Damned if she was going to let him get away with that. And normally she wouldn't, but as she realized as he shifted over her and nudged up her chin to meet his lips, well...she really liked kissing him. 

Maybe he could win this time.

Just this once.

 

 

 

All the damn affection had gotten to be too much, and eventually it had devolved into play fighting, which was frankly a lot easier on her poor nerves. At least until all the tussling had ended with her rolling off the bed and landing on the hardwood floor, directly on her hip. Ow. Probably wouldn't bruise, but...ow.

Pulling up onto her knees, she grimaced as he peered down at her curiously, shaking her head a bit at the concern. He was still laughing a little, which didn't exactly make him seem all that worried. Ass.

“I'm fine, I'm fine.” She murmured, still a little breathless. “Just apparently clumsy. You didn't win. You don't get to win that one.”

“I could win quite easily, I think you'll find. In great part due to the fact that you enjoy it when I do.” He pointed out, settling back with a hint of a smile as she made a rude noise at him. “Ah yes. An excellent point, thank you.”

“Oh! I got breakfast!” She remembered abruptly, derailing her own train of thought. She popped up from the floor and turned for the dresser. “I almost forgot.”

“You want to eat in bed?” He asked, just a little dubiously, and then lifted a brow at the impish grin she cast over her shoulder. “What?”

“It's my bed. Are you afraid of making a mess?” She asked, swiping the bag with a little clink and then picking up the box. “Live a little. It's Sunday, probably the last one for a while that's not going to start with me being exhausted and cranky, so you should enjoy it while you can. Besides, if we go out there, Carver's gonna start grilling you about Cassandra.”

“I'm concerned about this second job you've picked up.” He admitted, and she gave a little sigh as she set the bag onto the nightstand, and he pulled up to sit. “Am I allowed to tell you as much?”

“I sort of already figured you would be, and kinda steeled myself.” She admitted, a small grin touching her lips at the look he gave her. Equal parts amused and exasperated. “I'll be fine. Two overnights a week won't kill me. Yes, it murders most of my weekends, but I'm keeping Sundays free.”

“On top of the other job, and your art...” He began, until she narrowed her eyes at him. “I cede the argument. It is not my place.”

“Ooh, ten dollar word. Is that lawyer speak?” She teased, straddling his lap and sitting back against his thighs, facing him. He didn't protest, just looped an arm around her waist.

“It's only four letters...” Again his words were interrupted, this time by the box as she opened it with a flourish. He stared for a moment, narrowed his eyes, and looked up at her dubiously. “It...really? You bought a birthday cake for breakfast. Who is Arnold?”

“Somebody who didn't pick up their cake!” She replied cheerfully, grinning at his expression. “Lucky for us, huh?”

“Cake. Birthday cake. Someone else's birthday cake.” He plodded on pointedly as she rolled her eyes. “For breakfast. I can still cook something...”

“We're grown ups, aren't we? So, we can eat whatever we want. Whenever we want.” She pointed out, and then grinned at his dubious look. “What?”

“I believe part of being an adult is making responsible choices.” He pointed out, and she laughed. “I am being quite serious, you know.”

“Well, I'm...going to eat birthday cake for breakfast in my bed, with my fingers.” She decreed, swiping a finger through a rose, ruining it completely. “And you...can sit there and be responsible and make good choices while I do. I still fail to see how donuts are somehow more acceptable than cake, though.”

“Because there are...” He started, and then stopped as she deliberately smeared the frosting across his cheek with her finger, his eyes narrowing. “Ellana.”

“I need to wash the sheets anyways, a few crumbs aren't going to make it any worse.” She replied blithely, grinning as he wiped the frosting off with a thumb. “You're just doing that thing where you pretend to disapprove because it's part of our amusing back and forth banter.”

Silently he stared at her as he noisily sucked the frosting off his thumb, and...oh, that was just mean. Now he was being mean. Damn it he had a gorgeous mouth. Which was, admittedly, why she couldn't stay away from it. He stopped her attempt at a kiss with a finger to her nose.

“You've been watching too many movies where the devastatingly charming, irritatingly quirky female lead seduces the tight-laced man and opens up his world with her free-spirited ways.” He informed her, startling a laugh, breaking her burgeoning pout.

“Or I just really like cake and indulging my poor impulse control.” She replied blithely once she'd finished laughing, and then added with a little grin, “Devastatingly charming, huh?”

“You know you are.” He replied, and then stopped short as she dug her fingers into the cake, lifting a brow. “No. Ellana, no.”

“It's all squishy! How have I not done this before?” She laughed, as the frosting squirted between her fingers. Sorry, Arnold. Shoulda picked up your cake on time. “Oh come on. Didn't you ever want a cake all for yourself when you were a kid? What's the point in being an adult if you can't buy things you shouldn't and then stick your hand in them?”

“Ellana, that is not even innuendo. Innuendo should be subtle, and purpose...” He started, but was abruptly silenced.

Because she'd stuck her fingers in his mouth.

To be fair, something needed to go there, and her hand was covered in frosting and cake crumbs, so it seemed like a logical fit. Glancing down into the box as he stared at her, she peered at the mangled edge of the cake. 

“Ooh! It's sponge cake, I didn't even notice. Yummy. Is that raspberry or strawberry in the middle?” Somehow she kept the grin off her lips, as his stare burned a hole in the top of her head. “I hope it's...”

Okay, now there was the...sucking. Sucking on her fingers, warm and...oh, shit, that tongue. Lashes fluttering, she gave a little groan as he dragged his lips up, slow and wet, and then planted a very gentle kiss right on her fingertips.

“Strawberry.” He informed her, and then chuckled as she nodded dumbly, drowsily, lifting her chin again. “You are the one who started this battle, Ellana.”

“Can I surrender yet?” She slurred hopefully, and then stuck out her lower lip as he shook his head at her, grim finality in the set of his jaw. “What about if I...beg?”

It was almost malicious, the way she used the word with a deliberate purse of her lips, and she knew he felt it, bare stomach tensing. She smiled slowly, and he shook his head at her again.

“You will, but not how you want.” He promised, another breathy chuckle escaping him at her soft sigh. “Yes, I am going to be hopelessly affectionate, and plan to use your weaknesses against you to do so. Just be grateful I am withholding the pet names.”

“I am rethinking this whole...” She retorted, words interrupted as his nose nudged against hers. Somehow, she managed to scowl, but it was hard with those soft eyes and the...freckles, and...she was such a sucker. “One. You get one, and that's all. I mean it. If it's terrible, you're stuck with it.”

“Take your shirt off.” He suggested in a low murmur as he took pity on her, the sound shivering straight down her spine to settle somewhere lower than her stomach. When she reached for the edge hastily, he added quietly, “Slowly.”

This. This she could do, without fear of her tongue and her brain getting in the way. Their eyes met again as she slowly tugged the fabric upwards, stomach undulating lightly with the motion. His gaze shifted downwards, and she stretched under the weight of it, arms extending lazily over her head. The fabric peeled away, and he made a small sound of approval, one hand lifting to cup a breast.

The curl of his fingers squeezed, and she barely had time to register the amused look in his eyes before he distracted her with a pinch. While she was squirming, his other hand had dipped down, and then smeared frosting up the curve of her breast, flicking across her nipple. Her eyes slitted open, and met his as he smirked down at her. His head dipped down, and her back arched, and suddenly there were hands, and tongues, and...

It was...a mess. 

A silly, ridiculous mess, which she became all too aware of when she was trying to open the condom and kept dropping it. It was her fault for insisting on feeding him, because honestly watching him suck on her fingers was just about the sexiest thing ever, but now she couldn't...fucking...

“Argh!” She snapped as the packet slid out of her fingers again when she tried to tear it, and he just started laughing at her, head thumping against the headboard. “This is all your fault!”

And he just kept laughing, which was admittedly adorable, because even when he did it was usually brief and restrained. This was whole-hearted and helpless, and it only got worse when she tried and failed again. There was nothing for it but to cram a palm full of frosting and cake in his face. She had no choice, really, it was the logical thing to do. The laughing stopped, very abruptly. The cake was pretty mangled by now, but the box being knocked off of her lap and falling onto the floor was the death of it. Splat.

She didn't have time to mourn, because somehow she was on her back now after a dizzying shove of his thighs, her messy hand captured by the wrist against the bed, and he wasn't laughing any more. He was glaring. And smeared with frosting and strawberry filling over his cheek and across his nose. The sound that escaped her probably could have been called a snort, as she tried and failed to keep back her laughter. 

“Oops.” She finally giggled, and he raised a brow. “I was trying to feed you and I missed!”

“You missed.” He replied flatly, but she could see the faint tug at the corner of his mouth. “Well...I suppose in that case you can be forgiven. Give me a kiss.”

“No!” She squeaked as he leaned over her, twisting to the side and dodging his lips, getting a smear of frosting on her cheek in the process. “No, don't you dare! If you get that in my hair...”

“Now you don't want to kiss me?” He asked, doing his best to sound hurt. She knew he wasn't, she could feel the chuckle in his sides, knees clasping them now. “I suppose you should have thought of that before.”

She could feel the frosting smearing across her face as his lips met hers, all sweet and strawberry with a tiny hint of lemon. It tasted even better on him, as his tongue slipped between her lips, slow and lazy. It lured hers in, the kiss deepening as she arched underneath him, following the slide of his hand down her stomach.

For a moment her stupid aroused brain went into panic mode, before she remembered it was her hands that were a bloody mess, not his. Okay, good. Very good. 

Very...

The stuttering little noise that escaped her lips as his fingers slid in slick and slow made him smile against her, before he tilted his head to the side and dragged his tongue up her cheek. It wasn't that she'd forgotten how good he was at this, but the renewed appreciation for his deft fingers stole her breath within seconds. Especially now that he knew just how to get what he wanted out of her.

And what he wanted, it seemed, was to push her right up to the edge as quickly as possible, because in no time at all he had her squirming and gasping. Slippery fingers dragged out of her, thumb caressing her clit to make her shudder, the moan escaping her slow and throaty. He gave one of those vague sounds of pleased approval that drove her so crazy, teeth catching down on her lower lip. Damn it, close...so...and then his hand stopped moving, going still against her. 

“Look at me.” He demanded quietly, and she squirmed, tilting her head away. 

She needed him to not stop, that's what she damn well needed, and she gave a low, frustrated whimper. Her hips twisted against his hand, and he gently stalled her with the other, pressing her back down to the bed. 

“I know. Ellana, look at me.” If he'd sounded smug, it would have been easier to ignore, but he was calm, with that slow, hypnotic cadence she so rarely got to hear. He was usually so quiet in bed. “Please.”

She gave one last protest, but then her eyes finally opened, gaze shifting aside. The fact that he immediately rewarded her for it helped push away the remainder of her reluctance, and within a few seconds she wasn't seeing much of anything, anyways. His other hand slid up, tangled in her hair carefully to hold her in place as he pushed her over the precipice, all the built up pleasure tightened in her stomach exploding at once.

She could feel the weight of him watching her, spilling over her skin as she came for him, ecstasy firing down every single nerve. Her stomach slid across his as she arched, shoulders still pinned to the bed by his hand in her hair. It was too much, especially as he refused to let her collapse, urging her on and on until she simply couldn't take it any more. Sheets tangling under her, she gave a small whimper of protest, and only then did he let her go, hand stilling, becoming anchoring instead of tormenting.

Breathing heavily, roughly, she let her eyes close as he gently released her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. She might have tried to return it, but her mind was nothing but blank, body soft and unresponsive. Not even his fingers sliding out of her did much but rouse a sigh. 

Warm and satiated, she willingly let her thighs be nudged open after managing something that was almost a nod of approval. Okay, yes. Good. She knew that wasn't quite enough for him, and after a few moments as he kissed the edge of her ear, she managed a faint 'yes'. Luckily that was all he needed.

One arm slid around her, pulling her in close enough for him to groan against her ear as he filled her in one slow, satisfying thrust. Too limp and content for tension, she accepted the praise murmured against her ear as his hips began to roll against her. It was undeniably pleasant to know that he'd enjoyed watching her so much, the urgency of his body barely kept at bay by self-control. Within minutes he was already tensing against her despite the steadily slow rhythm, hips grinding in a little more harshly at the end of each thrust. She could feel the effort it cost him, the slight tremble of the arm around her, the whispers turning into wordless moans.

When he came, it was with her wrapping herself around him, his face buried into her shoulder. Relaxed as she was, she could feel every bit of it, tracing the path of his orgasm in the shudder of his muscles. Her hands spread out over his back, fingers curling in slightly as he went limp over her, letting out a sigh against her sweaty skin. 

Closing her eyes again, she just listened to him breathe, but laughed huskily at the abrupt, tickling brush of his tongue against the side of her neck.

“You taste sweet.” He murmured lazily, and she felt him smile at her silent chuckle. “That was a terrible idea, Ellana.”

“Yes, but now you can say you've done it.” She pointed out, turning her head as he nudged her jaw with his lips, lifting his hips away from her. 

She had to say, for all of the utterly devastating ways he knew how to kiss her, there was always something particularly pleasant about these. Wet and soft and shamelessly messy, when they were both too relaxed to care if maybe it was a bit too sloppy. This one was definitely up there. Maybe...slightly behind the 'thank you for sucking my cock' kisses, which she was a pretty big fan of, too. Then again, the first time he kissed her...okay, her mind was wandering off entirely now. 

“Up...” He murmured against her lips, and she made a little querying sound, his arms tightening around her. 

Her question was answered quickly enough, and she quickly grabbed hold around his neck as he pulled her up with him, settling back up into a sitting position again before he collapsed against the headboard again. Her little squeak of surprise was stifled by another slow kiss, legs releasing their grip, settling more comfortably astride his lap. As he pulled back, lips parting with a soft sound, she blinked away the dizziness.

Limp and admittedly kind of uncomfortably sticky in some spots, she sprawled forward against his chest, unable to move enough to do much else. He seemed to be feeling the same sentiment, supporting her body as he relaxed

He seemed quite content to just stare at her, but she made a small sound of protest and pushed his face to the side, and then hid against his neck. It was sweaty there, and warmer than she wanted to be, but it was either that or have him giving her that look. This time she was coherent enough to resist it. His fingers idly trailed down her back, and she shivered lightly, nerves still a bit too stimulated. Apologetically, he laid his hand flat just above her rear end, pressing a kiss to her temple. 

“Cake is still not for breakfast.” He informed her at long last, breaking their comfortable silence in a quiet murmur. “And even that will not convince me otherwise.”

The knock on the door interrupted her breathless laughter, and she lightly pushed against his shoulder to pull herself up. Trying not to sound irritated, she lifted her voice, eyes half-closing as his fingers dragged through her hair. Mmh, nice.

“What? I'm busy! Can it wait a while?”

“You've got a visitor!” Carver called back through the door, and then added, “So I don't know. Maybe? Hold on.”

Rolling her eyes, she glanced back to Solas, meeting his curious gaze. She shrugged, and he shrugged back, a smile tugging up her lips. It was funny to see him make such casual gestures. She reached out to wipe a forgotten bit of frosting away from his jaw.

“Usually people just come in, do what they need to do, and leave. I don't know who it could be.” She murmured, fingers idly traveling along his jawline now.

Better not be Mira. She was coming in on Friday. Friday, she'd promised. 

If she showed up early...

“Uh, it's your cousin. He says he's cool. I'm out of here, Bethany needs help at the shelter.” 

“I don't have any cousins, Carver!” Dread, settling in her chest. Solas was starting to look rather haunted. She could feel the muscles stiffening in his thighs, see it in the set of his shoulders. She lowered her voice. “Maybe it's not. I mean, that wouldn't make much sense, would it?”

Despite the reassurance, she was sort of starting to freak out, too. Shit. There went the post-coital cuddles.

“Yeah, didn't mean you. See you guys later. Thanks for breakfast.”

Okay, shit. He probably had an internal monologue a lot more eloquent, but hers was now limited to a single word, repeated ad nauseum. Which was Tevene for 'until she wanted to vomit'. Pretty sure.

Shit.

“Don't freak out.” She told herself, and him. Okay, so, she was naked, covered in sweat and cake and okay...random appearance of very unwelcome family member. And... “How the fuck does your cousin know where I live?”

“I do not...know...” He finally replied, dumbly, looking as dumbfounded as she felt. And then his eyes hardened, and his jaw tightened. That was not...a face she was familiar with. She suddenly understood the whole 'eyes like flint' turn of phrase. “I will take care of it.”

Okay, so, this Solas? Not sure if she really liked him that much. Kind of scared her, actually, because he didn't...look like that. It wasn't him. Her hands were reaching for his cheeks before she could stop herself, pulling his gaze down to hers. Their eyes met, and she faced down scary Solas with an apologetic tilt of her lips.

“Hey. It's okay.” She murmured soothingly, and he leaned forward to rest his forehead against hers with a sigh. She could feel him revving up for it, and interrupted before he could speak. “Nope. Shh. I don't want to hear a single apology. Whatever's going on, it's fine. We'll figure it out. And frankly? He can fucking wait until after we've showered. I just really hope it's not Falon'Din. No offense? But he's a creep.”

“If it were, he'd be pounding on the door and shouting.” He pointed out, and she chuckled faintly. Good. Scary Solas was going away. “Thank you, vhenan. I will be fine.”

“I...” She started, and then squinted at him, prodding his chest with a finger. “I know that one, you can't get away with it this time. No way. I'm drawing the line.”

“You said I get one term of endearment, so I expect you will have to get used to it.” He replied, picking her up and dropping her out of his lap, onto the bed.

She frowned as she crossed her arms under her chest, and then regretted it. Sticky.

“I get a veto! C'mon! Pick something less mortifying. How do you feel about 'sugartits'?” She asked hopefully, as he pulled to his feet and reached for the pants dropped on the floor. “I also veto distracting me with your butt so I don't freak out about it.”

Butt-staring remained enjoyable despite the tension in the room, as she vented her nervousness by being a pain. To be fair, she could see him relaxing slightly as well, which was admittedly maybe...like a quarter of why she was doing it. Half because it was actually pretty much freaking her out to have him call her that, and then the other half split for a little his and hers distraction from looming disaster.

“I feel that while accurate in this particular moment...it does not properly convey my feelings. So no.” He tossed her her pants and t-shirt after straightening, and she made a small sound of disapproval in the back of her throat. “Your ears are a very pretty shade of red. I will use it sparingly.”

“I don't blush.” She groused, probably a bit more sharply than she intended, but she didn't bother apologizing, pulling her shirt on over her head. “Then I'm going to call you sugartits. If you get one, I get one.”

“You are not calling me...” He couldn't even bring himself to say it, which finally made her laugh, small and tense. “Ah. Of course, I cannot veto unless I let you do the same. Excellently played. Very well, I call your bluff.”

“Call away, sugartits.” She retorted, tugging on her pants and slipping off the bed. Clothes clinging to sticky skin? Officially gross. Still had been worth it, though. “Because I'm not bluffing.”

Turning to the bed, she smiled to herself at the hint of one that touched his lips, just for a moment. When she turned back with the blankets and sheets bundled in her arms, it was gone, but the scary eyes didn't come back as he went to get the door for her.

“Hey...” She offered, and his hand stilled on the doorknob, glancing over his shoulder at her. “We got this. You're the one that said I have to try this crap, so I'm trying, and you have to, too. You and me, right? Not you against the world.”

He stayed quiet for a few seconds, just staring at her, and then finally nodded. She was feeling pretty grateful when the weight of his regard left her. Too much going on right now to deal with the fact that she was getting pretty close to having to put the brakes on again. Too fast. She couldn't even think the word...boy...whatever...without freaking out, and he was already moving on to suspiciously feelings-laden pet names and stares that felt like he was trying to melt her cold, shriveled little heart.

Ugh, she was so screwed.

“Thank you for the reminder.” He replied quietly, shoulders lifting as he breathed in and turned back. “It will take some getting used to.”

“You and me both.” She muttered under her breath, and then moved to follow him out.

 

 

 

 

 

Ellana honestly wasn't sure what she'd been expecting. Screaming? Dramatics, maybe? Some sort of weird cult indoctrination? Anything but the disinterested, cellphone-engrossed complete lack of anything resembling a reason for being in her apartment. After a few seconds of just staring at Dirthamen sitting on her couch and ignoring her, she finally shook her head at Solas and turned for the bathroom.

“I'm not even...Let's go use the shower while there's still hot water.” 

Somehow she had a feeling trying to even bother asking him why the hell he was there wouldn't work right now. And she really wanted the shower. She could feel the sugar starting to ooze into her pores.

“I need a cup of coffee.” Dirthamen declared with a long sigh, as if she should have been offering fucking beverages already. 

She'd sort of thought maybe he'd be the bearable one before, but apparently...nope! They were all shitty! 

How delightful.

“Here's a thought. Why don't you find the coffee yourself and make some.” She replied, not even bothering to be nice about it. She could see Solas wince slightly, but it didn't bother her. The little prick had somehow stalked his way into knowing where she lived, so he could deal. “You seemed to have no trouble finding my apartment.”

“Your girlfriend's a bitch.” 

Rather than say anything she'd regret, she stormed for the bathroom. For once the word 'girlfriend' didn't rouse embarrassment, but a surge of rage. Who the fuck did he think he was?

Arms full of bedding or no, she was about three seconds from turning around and snapping on his skinny-jeans wearing ass. At least she was until Solas finally spoke up.

“Apologize.” The word cut through the air, cold and sharp, and almost disturbingly calm.

Okay. Scary Solas was back. And, apparently, sounded like he was about three seconds from premeditated murder. Wonderful. She was glad he was on her side.

“Solas, it's not...” She started, only to be interrupted, his voice only an iota less tense.

“No, he will apologize for that. Now.” 

The tension in the air was running high, and she rolled her shoulders as if it rested on them, turning to duck into the bathroom, shoving the bedding into the washer. Normally this wouldn't bother her this much, she'd call him an asshole and be done with it. She was called worse things on a really bad night at work, after all. But Solas was upset, and that's what had her pissed. 

This was their day. Their day to just relax, before next week where she'd be lucky to see him at all.

“Sorry.” Dirthamen called over as she slammed the washer closed, the single word dripping with snide sarcasm.

“Coffee's in the cabinet next to the fridge.” She replied simply, starting the washer with a little more vengeance than necessary. She heard the door close behind her, and relaxed minutely as arms slid around her waist from behind. “You okay?”

“I'm afraid that's likely the best apology you're going to get.” He murmured against her neck, still sounding thoroughly tense. “But no, I am not. I suspect I will not be until he is gone, and perhaps not even then. It depends on what this is all about.”

“You want a blowjob in the shower?” She joked weakly, in the hopes that it might at least get a laugh out of him.

She didn't think it would, but it was worth a shot.

“No, thank you.” He replied, and then sighed and kissed the top of her head, pulling back after to undress. “I will make this up to you, I promise.”

“I'll make you a deal. I'll do my best to quell my desire to poke at you to make you relax, and let you handle this however you need to handle it...if you promise never to use that scary voice on me.” She meant to keep her voice light, but the worry seeped in a little. 

“Not a difficult bargain to make. I sincerely doubt you could ever make me as angry as they do.” He replied, and she turned to join him in the shower after tossing her shirt into the basket. “Even if you tried. For a very...very long time.”

“Yeah. No desire to test that out.” She murmured, sighing and collapsing against his bare back, one hand reaching over to close the curtain as he turned on the water. “Not even a little.”

Despite the failed joke, for once she felt about as interested in sex as she was in listening to Anders rant about politics. That was to say, not even a little bit. It was the quietest shower they'd ever had, and she could tell he was thinking. Strategizing, maybe. Or just preparing himself. It was hard to keep silent, but she kept to her promise for now. Easier to do so when she was focusing inwards, trying to figure out just why the hell she was feeling so protective.

Yeah, she cared about people, worried about people. Like Mira, some of her friends...but usually she was pretty content to just let other people handle their own shit. Except apparently when he got upset, and it was all she could damn well do not to jump in. Seriously unnecessary. She should really step back from that before it got any worse.

He was a grown man, she doubted he was even remotely interested in her trying to protect him.

Kinda sucked that it was impossible to draw out a shower with their hot water situation here, but she took her time dressing. And then she couldn't find his other sock in the dryer, which was weird, because she knew both had gone into the washer last night.

Eventually he found it in the hood of her sweatshirt, and there wasn't any more stalling left to do. 

“Could be worse. Could be Andruil.” She joked, breaking her own promise. But...just a little. She sort of had to, or the tension would kill her. “Frankly, I'm dying to find out how the little shit knew where I lived. And that you'd be here.”

“I'm afraid you wouldn't care for the answer, vhenan.” He replied, and she let the endearment slide because he was just so damn upset. “I likely already know. Hopefully this time at least there isn't a tracker in my car.”

“Ha...yeah, that's not actually funny..” She started as he opened the door and stepped back into the living room, face grim and set again. It took her a second to follow, as she stared at his back. 

Oh. Shit.

 

He wasn't joking.

 

Now thoroughly weirded out, she followed after him, raking fingers through her hair. She wasn't surprised that Dirthamen was sitting exactly where they'd left him. But hey, the coffee was sitting on the counter. And...of course, he hadn't bothered to make it. Of course not.

Briefly she considered opening up the can and dumping it on his head. Then she thought about telling him to fucking make it if he wanted any. Finally, she silently crossed the living room as Solas stood staring down at him with his arms crossed, and...well, made the damn coffee.

It was only the fact that there was probably no other way she could help make this easier on Solas that she did it. That was it. She wasn't doing it for the little shit, she wasn't doing it to get rid of him faster...frankly, a kick in the ass would take care of that better. Bull lived across the hall, if she needed him removed bodily. No, she was doing this for Solas.

She was pretty sure he'd be gone by the time it was finished brewing, anyways.

“You owe Ellana an apology for simply showing up here, but I expect that the best thing you can do now for her is to leave. As quickly as possible. Tell me why you are here.” Solas ordered, voice calm, but not quite so...deadly as before.

“Mom went by your place to talk to you and you weren't there. She told me to figure out where you were.” Dirthamen replied lazily, deliberately swiping a finger across the screen of his phone, and then beginning to type with both thumbs. “Who fuckin' cares?”

“Obviously I do. You couldn't text me to ask?” Solas asked, with the resignation in his voice that indicated he already knew the answer. “What did she need?”

Dirthamen rolled his eyes, not looking up from his phone. A long, slow sigh escaped him, full of long-suffering ennui. 

“Now, if you please.” Solas finally goaded, when the silence stretched on.

“You're coming to dinner next Sunday.” Dirthamen replied at last, boredom leeching into every single word. “Dad decided.”

She stifled a snort at that, capping the can of coffee and cramming it back into the cabinet. Decided? Really. He was serious about that? Jeesh, maybe she had been right about dear ol' uncle acting like a mob boss. Hopefully it didn't make Solas any angrier, she knew she'd been if someone tried to order her around like...

“All right. Thank you for passing me the message. I will call Mythal and find out what time I need to be there. Now, you can leave.” Solas replied, while she abruptly found out just how far her jaw could drop.

Pretty long way, it seemed.

What, really?

He was perfectly fine with...being ordered around like that? That didn't seem like him at all. Maybe she didn't know him as well as she thought or something, but this was like...in the gut off. Visceral. And she knew enough to know to listen to her gut. It had good instincts.

“Mom says you're both coming.” Dirthamen corrected drily, and then heaved a sigh. “Whatever. I don't care.”

Okay. So many things wrong with that sentence that she didn't know where to start. One, she was pretty sure she hadn't known she was his girlfriend until this morning, so how the fuck did his whole family know, and two, who the hell were they to tell her what she'd be doing?

And on her ONE fucking day off!

She could feel herself starting to freak out, the coffee mug in her hand slamming against the counter a bit harder than she'd meant it to. It was...no, she was fucking losing it. She was going to fucking lose it. If Solas didn't get him out of here right now, she was going to...

“Thank you for informing me of their expectations.” Solas replied, and this time his voice was tighter. Clenching her hand on the mug, she shoved it under the coffee maker, glaring at the steam as it rose. She was literally only doing this now so she wouldn't fling the mug at his head. “Please leave.”

“You better not act like this around dad.” Dirthamen replied, heaving up from the couch and rolling his eyes. Again. They were basically just constantly in motion. “Just because you just figured out you have balls doesn't mean you have to stick them in her purse, man.”

Coffee slopped over her hand as she slammed the mug down on the counter, and she gritted her teeth as the burn sank in. Okay. Sure. Right, she was perfectly calm, and not thinking at all about where the kitchen knives were. Silently she crossed to the sink and turned on the cold water, sticking her burned fingers under it. Glancing down, she watched the skin redden and then go white as the water hit it, and she clenched her fist.

“I need you to leave before I lose my temper, Dirthamen.” Yep. There was the voice again. She was sort of starting to understand where it came from. “Do not come here again, and if I found out that you have informed Andruil...”

“Like I fucking care enough to do that.” Dirthamen replied wearily, and she glanced up as his footsteps approached, gaze shifting sidelong as he paused before the front door to eye the cup of coffee. He glanced up, and she met his dead-eyed stare, hers narrowing. “You think I'd drink that shit?”

He was lucky. Lucky she was busy trying to make sure her fingers didn't blister. Her eyes narrowed minutely, and for a second he almost seemed a little...uncomfortable. Finally he scoffed, rolled eyeliner-ringed eyes one last time, and turned to slump out. The door slammed behind him, and she let out her breath out through her teeth, a long, slow hiss. 

She could hear Solas approach, but he stopped when she hunched her shoulders upwards, lifting her uninjured hand. She was...not going to snap at him. Don't snap at him. Breathe. In, out. Just...breathe.

When she exhaled it was with a faint growl, but she felt a little better afterwards. Repeating it helped a little more. Finally she felt calm enough, and dropped both hand and shoulders, turning her attention to the sink.

As she turned off the water, he stepped behind her, and she only flinched a tiny bit as he wrapped his arms around her and reached for her wet hand. She let him, because she had a feeling he was just as upset as she was, and fussing over her might help a little bit. He seemed to like it, at any rate.

“I am...sorry, vhenan.” He murmured, and leaned in to kiss the side of her head. “Where do you want me to start?”

“I'm not...I'm not going to talk about it. Not today.” She decided abruptly, though she hadn't even realized she was going to. “Just tell me how and why he knows what he knows so I can put my mind at ease, and then we are not...thinking about them, or talking about them for the rest of the day. I mean it.”

“There is probably an application on my phone, if I had to make a guess. Or perhaps my computer...or just as likely...both. I will try to find and delete them today. It has always been one of his...hobbies.” Solas just sounded resigned, but she was fucking horrified. 

Because he sounded like he thought that was normal.

“You're talking...putting trackers in people's cars? Like...keyloggers and...I don't even fucking know what else. Spy apps? And you're saying that like it's just something people do! Solas, that's not something people do!” Her voice was getting a little high-pitched, she knew it was, but she was in the middle of freaking out. “That's not a hobby, that's a felony!”

“Did you lock your bedroom door while we were in the shower?” He asked, and she froze. The sigh across the top of her head and the gentle tug against him was not helping. “I will check, if you let me. After I've called Mythal.”

“My mind is literally shutting down, Solas. I've...my brain is not...you're worried that your cousin broke into my bedroom and violated my privacy to install shit on my devices and your first reaction is to...decide you need to call your aunt?” Okay, she was almost shouting now. She shouldn't shout, but she was starting to think she had a good reason. “To confirm a dinner date you were ordered to fucking attend, and for some reason seem totally okay with!”

“I thought we weren't going to talk about it.” He pointed out, and she let out a shuddering sigh, eyes closing. “To be fair, I do not think he would have gone through your phone or computer. He is a bit afraid of me.”

“Why is that?” She asked tiredly, as the panic exhausted itself and she slumped, his arm supporting her easily, thumb of his other hand rubbing against her wrist comfortingly as he lifted her hand to examine it again. “Did you write him a sternly worded letter once? Tell him his haircut was stupid? Because it's stupid.”

“I would be the one who broke his nose. And then Falon'din broke mine. I used to have a bit of a temper.” Solas confessed, giving her burned fingertips a very gentle kiss. “I don't believe it's going to blister.”

“Do you think he'd like another broken nose?” She asked, feeling utterly drained. Now she was all too well aware of why he'd seemed completely broken down the first night she'd met the family from hell. “Because I'm feeling in a giving mood.”

“I'm going to go make the bed and check your laptop if you'll let me, so we can watch a movie.” He proposed instead, and she grimaced a little, but finally nodded. “And I...will wait until later to call Mythal. Is that an acceptable compromise?”

“Call her tomorrow.” She suggested, and he stiffened a little. Normally she'd let it go, but no. No. Fuck it, they'd done enough damage for today. “Humor your girlfriend, Solas.”

The word escaped a little too easily for her taste, but it made him relax, at least for now. The arm around her stomach tightened into a hug, and he sighed out against her, until she felt his head nodding.

“I will call her tomorrow.” He agreed, and then disentangled himself, giving her hand one last caress before stepping around the counter to go get the clean sheets.

She turned to watch him go, a worried frown touching her lips. She'd underestimated a lot of things about his family, it seemed like. The most worrying of which seemed to be the fact that it seemed he'd been right when he'd said he wasn't sure if he'd escaped them. It didn't seem like anyone had told them, and they were going to drag him back in.

Watching him walk across the living room, her jaw tightened a bit, and her fingers curled back into a fist again.

No, fuck it. She wouldn't let them break him down. He wanted a girlfriend? Fine. She'd girlfriend. Him and her, against the family of assholes. Okay, good. She wouldn't let them reel him back in.

After a moment she realized he'd turned to look at her, and mixture of concern and confusion had settled on his face. She met his eyes, gave a sharp nod, and then lifted her chin.

“I am gonna support the shit out of you.” She informed him, and was relieved to finally see a hint of a smile. “I mean it. And I will kick all the asses if I have to.”

“Are you quite certain?” He replied dubiously, and this time he was smiling in earnest. “That is quite a few, vhenan.”

“Yes.” She promised, as earnestly as any grandiose declaration of feelings had ever been, cobbling together all the broken bits of feelings and impulses in the only way she could. “For you, all the asses.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tuesday had been hell, yesterday had been kind of down and crummy, but that part had all seemed to be in her head. It was just one of those weeks, and half of the trouble was wondering how bad it was going to be. Today was a mixture of dread and anticipation. Dread because tomorrow Mira was getting in, and anticipation because she hadn't been kissed since early Monday morning. She needed it by now, after she'd let herself get pulled down by her brain yesterday.

She'd just sort of accepted that she was in over her head. Way over her head. Every now and again panic would come, self-doubt and worry, and twice she'd nearly texted him that it was done, it was over. It was worse when he wasn't around, because she'd get lost in her own head, and apparently that was the worst place for her to be. It was a place full of all the words that kept getting said, that she'd forgotten to freak out about until she was by herself.

You're somebody's girlfriend.

Terrifying, that thought, almost as bad as the thought that she had a boyfriend. Put them together and they spelled a relationship, and that was basically where her brain shut down. Everybody knew she was bad at relationships, it was the running joke. And it wasn't her deflecting to just laugh along, cause she hadn't actually cared before.

Now she cared, in ways she hadn't before, and it was just...

“I...can't get over it.” She admitted, standing in the doorway of the break room, even while cursing herself for saying that. She'd meant to start with 'hello'. Or 'I missed you', because he liked that one. Not with...the thoughts she'd been twisting up in her head all afternoon. 

He finished hanging up his jacket, attention fixed on her now. She simultaneously wanted his arms wrapped around her, and wanted him to stay away, because when he got close all these thoughts sort of went away for a little while. She'd started saying it, she should finish.

“Can't get over what, Ellana?” He asked cautiously, though her heart gave an irritating little flutter at how pleased he looked to see her.

Like he felt just a little happier because she was there.

“Why the hell would you want to be in a relationship with the single worst possible person to be in one with? You knew from the start.” She asked, all of the self-contained thoughts bubbling over into a sort of exasperated amusement. Underneath it all, though, a little fear. “Ugh, I am a mess.”

“Did something happen?” Okay, she'd worried him. He sighed when her gaze shifted aside at his approach, but didn't stop. “Talk to me. I have a few minutes.”

“I almost broke up with you yesterday. Twice.” She admitted, not fighting when he did that thing where he curled his fingers around her elbow and gave her a little tug in. Thankfully, he didn't look too upset at the revelation. “Overthinking again, I guess.”

“I admit I have expected things to go a bit less smoothly than they have.” He replied, and laughed quietly when she scowled. It ended in one of those little snorts and she couldn't maintain her frown, grudgingly smiling. “Almost is not did, Ellana.”

“See, that? You're not supposed to be understanding about that.” She pointed out, swaying in against him, letting out a sigh as his arm slid around her. Damn it, it felt so good to lean against him. “That's not normal, Solas. Someone informing you they almost broke up with you is a bad thing. You should be upset.”

“But you did not. It's as you said. I knew exactly what I was getting into.” He replied, sounding bizarrely pleased. When she scowled again, he just chuckled. “You're trying, Ellana, I can tell. I don't blame you for getting a bit upset, I know this is difficult for you, and it is a stressful week.”

“Ugh, stop being so understanding.” She mumbled. Breathing in, she exhaled slowly and then admitted quietly against him, because she meant it and not because he liked it. “I missed you.”

“I missed you as well.” His hand slid up to cup her cheek, and she rested against it, glancing up with a smile as his thumb idly stroked back and forth. “I would have to leave...fairly early, but if you'd like I can stay the night?”

“You...sure?” She asked, trying to keep the hope out of her voice. It would honestly help a lot, even if it was a bit selfish of her to ask it of him. It's not like she had any right to go demanding his time. “I mean, I don't want to be a big pain in the butt, it just sucks that we won't get to spend any time together until Sunday...”

Pausing with a grimace at that, her mind was pulled back again to what was waiting for him Sunday evening. Ugh. She still hadn't managed to convince him he didn't have to go, but they'd both agreed there was no way in hell she was going. He'd said it first, even. He still seemed pretty worried Andruil would fuck her up or something.

“And even then it will be...limited. Yes, I'm sure. If you're bound and determined to work those overnights on the weekend, we'll simply have to be more flexible.” He leaned down to give her a kiss, but then stopped at her expression, giving a faint laugh. “What?”

“It's really not a big deal, you know. I mean. Just because I'm feeling a bit stressed or whatever, you don't have to put yourself out.” She replied, lips twisting to the side. It was sort of her fault, and there was a limit to how much of an asshole she was willing to be. “I mean, you've got a lot going on, and...”

“Ah. I was a little confused as to why I have to make every phone call and start every text conversation.” He concluded, and then chuckled as she turned her puzzled stare up at him, eyes narrowing. “You are not going to bother me, Ellana. You are allowed to demand my time, my attention. You don't need a reason.”

“I didn't...” She started, and then sighed, lifting a hand to her forehead. Okay, yes, she was. Damn it. “Well...sorry. I don't mean to make you feel like...I don't want to talk to you. It's just I remember you said you can't stay over when you have school stuff to do the next day, and...”

“I would like to see my girlfriend outside of work more than once a week.” He informed her, and she sighed heavily to try and hide the instinctive cringe. It was just so damn easy for him, wasn't it? Just slide right on into a relationship and make himself at home. Meanwhile, she was trying to convince herself to ring the doorbell. “If that means that I sleep less some weeknights, so be it. I sleep more soundly when I don't wake wondering where you are.”

“You've spent a lot more years waking up without me than you have with me.” She pointed out with complete and utter embarrassment, and then lifted her chin as his fingers curled in against her jaw. 

“And yet...”

He cut his own words off, and she gratefully leaned up to meet his lips. The kiss was slow, and almost unbearably soft at first, his hand on her cheek stroking slowly. She tried to press in closer, but he only drew away, smiling against her lips. When it broke, he rested his forehead against hers, and she glanced away with a small clear of her throat.

“Sap.” She murmured quietly. She'd meant it to be accusing, but it came out quiet and flustered.

“Undeniably.” He agreed, and then sighed and slowly pulled back. “You may be done, vhenan, but I need to work.”

“Was sort of hoping you'd given up on calling me that.” She admitted, watching with amusement as he straightened his shirt. “I...guess I should have known better. I'll see you around ten thirty?”

“I'll call you when I'm on my way over.” He promised, and reflexively swatted her away as she reached out to try and tug the edge of his shirt out of his pants. “What are your plans for the evening?”

“Work.” She admitted with a faint grin, trying again and getting her wrist caught. “I think some of the guys are coming over to watch movies with Merrill, though, so they'll probably drag me out of it.”

“Good. You need to relax.” He replied firmly, lifting her hand to brush his lips against her knuckles. “And tomorrow, your sister...”

“Go work!” She laughed, escaping from his grip to give his shoulder a gentle nudge, and he swayed back a half step with a smile. “You can interrogate me later! They'll destroy the place without someone to hold their hand.”

“All right, get home safely, Ellana. I...” He started, and then stopped, abruptly, getting the strangest look on his face. A quick breath in, a slight widening of his eyes. Maybe she was imagining things, because it was gone a second later, replaced by a smile that seemed almost embarrassed. “I will see you later.”

“If you decide you're not up for it, let me know.” She replied, and then sighed as he shook his head at her slightly. “Okay, okay! I'll see you later.”

He stepped back, or at least he'd begun to, when suddenly he reached out and caught her arm again, and...

Woah.

It was dizzying the way he'd impulsively descend on her like this, but always welcome even if this time she had no idea where it came from. Her hair tumbled around her shoulders as he twisted his fingers in, pulling her in with the other arm as it swung around her. Bruising, fierce, his lips savaged hers, her surprised breath escaping into his mouth. She responded without thinking, giving when his tongue demanded, melting against him as he practically bent her over the hand on her back.

She was still maybe trying to catch up to what was going on when he broke the kiss just as abruptly, leaving her lips throbbing, pulling her back upright. While she was still blinking back dizziness, he smoothed a hand over her mussed hair, chastely kissed her forehead, and turned to leave.

“Oh, how is that fair?” She finally managed to ask his retreating back, plaintively. “Get back here!”

“I don't believe I ever claimed to play fair, vhenan.” He called as he turned and headed for the kitchen, and she could hear him being smug.

Oh, she'd pay him back for that later. For sure.

Feeling infinitely better, she turned to the lockers to get out of her apron and into her coat. Maybe she'd stop and pick up a treat. She had a bit of money left in her budget. She'd allocated some to Mira-time, but honestly, on such short notice she hadn't taken time off. Knowing Mira, anyways, she'd just want to hang out with everyone. Maybe order pizza once or twice, which she thought she could swing. Enough left over for something tonight...

Well, she could think about it on the way home.

 

 

Shit. Oh...oh shit.

That was...not what she'd been expecting to see in the parking lot. Not even in her worst nightmares. Head down, hand tight on the bag, just keep walking. Just...keep walking. She stared fixedly across the back lot, making sure to stay inside the light, avoiding the shadows. The smart thing to do would have been to turn around and go back inside. She realized that when panic had already ensured she was halfway across the lot.

Stopping now to think it over seemed a lot more dangerous than just continuing to walk.

“Hey!”

The shout came from her left, demanding and a little bit irritated. She might have flinched a little, but she sure didn't look up, picking up the pace again. The sharp snap of heels on pavement was audible, and she started picking up her pace.

She underestimated how quickly Andruil could move in stilettos. Hell, no one should be able to move that fast in shoes like that. The grab of her upper arm dug in nails, and she flinched and jerked away, feeling them scrape against her skin. 

“The hell? Let go of me!” She demanded angrily, rounding on the woman with more venom than she realized she had. Okay, no. You're supposed to be afraid of her, remember, Ellie? Remember what she did to Solas, and... “The fuck is wrong with you?!”

The protective anger had apparently decided to stay, and she couldn't help the fury in her voice. It wasn't just the fact that she'd swiped him across the face once. No. Or that he'd taken it for her. It was the fact that he hadn't seemed in the least bit fucking surprised. How many times had she done something like that? Why did she think that kind of shit was okay?

Andruil looked startled, and immediately dropped her grip, eyes narrowing as she took a half-step back. It was only for a second, but then she rallied, drawing herself up. Holy shit.

She was barely taller than Ellie. How had she not noticed before?

Must be the ridiculous shoes.

“Okay, excuse me? Don't you talk to me like that!” Andruil replied snidely, lifting a hand. Well, there was the bitch face, back again in full force. “You should count yourself lucky I'm talking to you at all. Okay? I know your boss, so watch your fucking mouth.”

Suddenly? Suddenly Andruil wasn't seeming that scary. Probably because she sort of sounded like a bitchy cartoon character, and Ellie wasn't at work. She wasn't a customer. The revelation brought a smile to her lips. It wasn't a nice smile.

“No. You know, I don't think I will. I don't give a shit who you know.” She replied coldly, as the other woman bristled. “Go ahead. Go try to get me fired. See ya.”

Turning away, she threw her hands up in the air and kept walking. What the fuck could she do? Leliana wasn't going to fire her over this. 

So she was a rich, spoiled brat who got away with terrorizing people. Who cared? Okay, so maybe she was nuts, and maybe Solas was afraid of her getting hurt. But he also seemed to be under the impression that tip-toeing around his cousin was the way to handle it. If everyone did that to her, no wonder she was acting like this. Jeez, what a fucked up family.

The stunned silence from behind her was evidence enough that people generally didn't do this to her.

“Don't...” A moment's uncertainty there. Yep. She had her pegged. Andruil rallied, and this time her voice was strident again. “Don't you fucking walk away from me!”

Yeah, okay, maybe she was dangerous. Honestly, she probably couldn't get away with this twice, but this time? She had the upper hand. And she just kept walking. Nothing to say, just walk away. It just...wasn't worth it.

“Don't you ignore me! Don't you ignore me!” The shriek came with a harsh backwards jerk of her arm, and she grimaced. Okay. Strong hands there, she hadn't been expecting that.

Suddenly she wasn't feeling so smug. Pressing her back teeth together, she jerked herself forward, ignoring the ache of muscles that protested the awkward angle and the violence of it. She ripped herself free of Andruil's grip, using her shoulder to separate them.

Staggering forward, she was half-turning, hands lifting defensively, when she realized the other woman had stumbled back awkwardly. She fell to the pavement hard, with a loud, violent crack as one of the stilettos snapped.

Sprawling, wide-eyed, looking shocked, Andruil stared up at her, and she stared back for a moment before turning around and starting to walk away again. It wasn't even worth it. Shit. Her upper arm was already throbbing, probably bruised. Could be worse.

“You fucking bitch! These shoes are worth more than YOU!” Andruil screamed after her, and she rolled her eyes, reaching up to rub at her arm. Ouch. The litany continued as she plodded along. “Stupid ugly trailer-trash Dalish bitch! You are done! You are so done! Don't bother coming back here, you don't have a job any more! Fucking go live on the streets, that's all you people are good for!”

Ellana was being good. She reminded herself that she'd been good all this time, and she might as well keep being good. Oh. But the temptation. The temptation to give her the double deuce was nearly overwhelming. She could see it in her head. Lifting both middle fingers over her head triumphantly as she strode away. She indulged in imagining it as she silently walked out of the parking lot, the angry woman's voice trailing off plaintively.

“Pay attention to me!” This time it was less of a shriek and more of a wail, like a spoiled, sullen toddler. “Stop...stop ignoring me...”

Okay, now it was just getting kind of sad. Spite and Dalish-hate aside, she sort of sounded pathetic now. Not that Ellie was going to go feeling bad for Andruil, but...nah. No. As another throb of her arm reminded her, bad upbringing or no, some shit was just not okay.

She still kinda wanted to deck her for scratching up Solas' face, though.

Leaving Andruil behind tantruming about broken shoes and ugly Dalish bitches, Ellana headed down the block. Jeez, if she was that ugly, why even bother showing up to harass her? Reminded her of those assholes that would catcall out of cars. Probably not that far off the mark.

Still, no point being incautious. Better to head to the store first, not straight home. Didn't want another of his cousins showing up on her couch. She should probably take some pictures of her arm, too, in case it bruised...and hmmh. You know what, she could probably pull a few more bucks into this week's budget. Buy something a little nicer than a cheap six pack and crappy ice cream. If Solas was going to put himself out of sleep a little, and if this weekend was going to be hell, they might as well enjoy an hour or two tonight.

The fact that she should probably call him about all of this? Well. That never even crossed her mind.

 

 

 

 

“What the hell happened to you, Ellie?” 

Glancing over and to the side towards the counter, she was relieved to see Anders back from the bathroom. Pushing her phone at him, she pulled her shirt a little further down her arm, exposing the half-ring of bright red marks on her skin. There wasn't anyone else in the store, but she didn't want to go taking her shirt off all the way, even if she was wearing a tanktop underneath.

“Take the pictures, I can't get any good ones. It's fine, nothing happened. I just wanna make sure I get the pics.” She replied, and then gestured impatiently as he stared at her. “C'mon. You think it's gonna bruise?”

“Seems so.” He finally replied, giving her an odd look as he took the phone and did as she asked. “You want me to look at it? There's a first aid kit in the back...”

“Nah, not much to be done about bruises. They'll fade in time.” She assured, though she could feel her hands starting to tremble a little, brain starting to work again. Hey, look at that, she could think. “Oh, whew...there goes the adrenaline. Hah...”

Anders continued staring at her with a penetrating gaze as he silently took the pictures, but she ignored it. Hmmh...all right, she wasn't going to freak out, she was pretty sure. That was good. Wow, she had handled that really well, actually, running on nerves or no. Like a grownup. Flexing and clenching her hands, she obediently turned as Anders lifted her arm, and she knew he was checking the marks even as he took the pictures. 

Such a worry wart. Well, at least he had some first-aid training.

“This wasn't Solas, was it?” Anders asked her cautiously, and she turned a cold stare on him, biting back an instinctive growl. “It's a fair question, I don't know him that well, Ellie. I'm just worried. I know that's from someone trying to hold on to you.”

Forcing herself to relax, she let out a heavy breath and shook her head slightly, beginning to tug her shirt back up to her shoulder.

“No, no. No...he's literally the sweetest person I've ever met in my life, which of course begs the question why he's with me.” She replied, taking back her phone with a smile. It wasn't returned. “What?”

“What happened, Ellana?” Okay, when Solas insisted on using her full name, it was sexy because it did that rolling off his tongue thing. When Anders did it, he sounded like her mom. “Do I need to call someone to walk you home?”

“Oh for...no, Anders!” She replied exasperatedly, settling her coat again and turning for the coolers. He trailed her. “Really, I'm fine. There's just this chick who apparently has a thing for me, and keeps showing up at my work.”

“So you're being stalked. And she assaulted you. And you're...brushing that off. Why?” Anders asked her, as she opened up the freezer with a wash of cold air and eyeballed the ice cream. “Because it's a woman? I hope you're not that stupid, Ellie.”

“Hey!” She protested, glancing aside. Wounded pride eventually faded, and she was forced to admit that maybe...he sort of had a point. “Okay, well...I guess it's like that a little. But...c'mon. I'm taking it seriously enough, I swear. It's just a bruise.”

“What are you going to do about it? What if she shows up again? Will you call the police? You should call them now, start a paper trail, Ellie, it's their job...” 

Calling the police on his cousin? Okay, bruise or no, that sounded like a terrible idea. He was trying to get away from them, the last thing he needed was new drama dragging him back in.

“I am not calling the cops! You, of all people, telling me to call the cops?” She teased, trying to keep her voice light as she surveyed the selection. Oh yeah. Second shelf ice cream, might as well get fancy. The kind where they added adjectives to the flavor. “It'll be fine, Anders. I'll tell my boss, it'll be fine. I'll start carrying my mace, okay? I promise, I'm not ignoring it. All she did was grab me kinda hard.”

“Aveline is all right, but fine. Have it your way.” He finally agreed, grudgingly, and then pointed out, “Mira doesn't like nuts.”

“She can get her own damn ice cream, this is for me.” She replied with a small grin, grabbing the carton of the salted caramel stuff. “Why do I have the feeling that I was the last one to know she was coming to visit?”

“The same reason I was the one who told her you had a boyfriend, I suppose. Neither of you tells the other anything.” He weathered her glare with a roll of his eyes, heading for the counter. “Oh relax, Ellie.”

“I will not relax! Why does everyone know I have a...one of those things? Nobody's ever called anyone else I dated that.” She retorted, mentally trying to do math as she paused to eye the bottles. “Okay, help me. I've got literally no more than ten bucks, and I don't think I know what kind of wine he likes.”

“It's dessert, get white. Bottle with the green label, second shelf. The sparkling one.” Anders ordered her, and she grabbed it with a faint 'ah'. “And everyone knows you have a boyfriend because you worry.”

“I worry? What does that mean?” She replied suspiciously, torn between curiosity and the knowledge that whatever she found out was probably going to annoy her. “Could you stop using the 'b' word?”

“No. And what I mean is that you care about what he thinks. You start smiling when he gets along with people, you...” He laughed faintly as she scoffed and rolled her eyes, voice taking on a more teasing edge. “You care. You want him to fit in. You don't do that, Ellie. You don't want people to be part of your life.”

“I have like fifty billion of you assholes infecting every corner of my life, so you don't get to say that to me.” She pointed out, dumping the ice cream and wine on the counter, and then holding up a finger. “Hang on.”

“Of the people you date. You don't let them cross over.” Anders responded, sounding exasperated again. “You dated that...complete bastard for three full months last year, and you only let him stay over when he begged you. I still remember the time you kicked him out while I was over. 'C'mon, baby...' outside the door for like fifteen minutes.”

“Oh shut up! But...no, I still don't see it. At all.” She protested faintly, grabbing a box of condoms and then turning to head back, tossing them next to the other things. Anders gave her a look. “Oh please, I haven't had time to go to the drug store.”

“Order them online next time. Why didn't you go out with Zevran when he asked you out? Or...who was it two years ago?” Anders mused, and she rolled her eyes heavily, heaving a long sigh as she fished her wallet out of her bag. “Some charming fellow, who you rejected out of hand, after informing him it was 'incestuous'.”

“Well it is! My little sister practically thinks the sun shines out of your stupid butt, and...and...come on.” A little more weakly as he rang her up, she pointed out, “You guys are our family. You're all we've got, so yeah. Of course I don't screw that up.”

“I realize that. I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, even if you do deserve it. I'm only pointing out that this is different, and we know you, Ellie.” Anders replied, taking her card from her fingertips. “You really ought to relax a bit. Never know, this might be good for you.”

“Oh cram it, Anders, you sanctimonious ass. Okay, I've got to get out of here, got some work to finish. I'll see you tomorrow night?” She took back her card and the bag he passed to her, tucking it into the crook of her arm.

“That's right! It's your first night in hell tomorrow.” He teased her, and she grimaced slightly. “Oh, don't worry, night shift's not that bad. Yes, I'll see you then. Alistair is picking Mira up at the airport at nine thirty, so they should be at your apartment by about eleven.”

“See, this is what I'm saying!” She sighed, as she turned for the door, exasperation leeching into her voice. “That's not normal! I'm the one that should be picking her up! I'm the one who should know when her flight is getting in!”

“You don't have a car!” Anders called after her, and then laughed as she gave him the finger, door chiming as it closed behind her.

Her friends were weird.

She was awfully lucky to have them.

 

 

The apartment was full by the time she got home, which she'd expected. For once Alistair hadn't managed to weasel his way into girl's movie night. He claimed he liked the movies, but she was pretty sure he just liked the disgustingly elaborate sugary things Bethany always made for drinks. She wasn't sure why he thought that claiming he liked the cruddy movies they'd pick out to make fun of was better.

The instant she walked in the door the ribbing started, and she brushed it off as she went to go work, dismissing the attempts at dirt-digging with a few snide remarks. That was what was expected, but after a couple of hours when Lyna interrupted her for the third time to refresh her drink, she was pretty sure they were trying to lure her back in.

“Okay, Mahariel, that's enough!” She accused as she stepped into the doorway of her bedroom, margarita in one hand, glass cutter in the other. “I'm trying...to be a responsible adult here, and I can't cut glass if you're getting me drunk.”

“So stop cutting glass and get out here!” Isabela called over to her, and she made a rude noise. “If you don't come gossip with us, we'll just make things up, you know.”

“You already do! Any ways, there's nothing to tell. I like a hot guy, he likes me too. Sometimes we bang. The end!” She declared exasperatedly.

“I wouldn't say hot...” Isabela mused, and then raised her eyebrows at the venomous look. “Well, I'm sorry, sweetheart. The nerdy thing doesn't do a whole lot for me.”

“Oh, Isabela!” Merrill chided, and then smiled placatingly at her. “He's very nice looking, Ellie, don't listen to her.”

Okay, that just made it worse! Jeez, Merrill. Tipsy brain protested the only way it could, jabbing the margarita accusingly.

“Okay, one? Freckles. Two? Freaking...everything else. Three? Fight me.” She declared, deciding that was indeed an excellent rebuttal.

“Not a very compelling argument.” Isabela replied, as Bethany started giggling at them, cheeks bright red. 

“I bet you I can make you change your mind.” She challenged Isabela, scowling. “I bet you.”

“Well. We have a wager.” Isabela replied archly, and then patted the couch. “Come on then, love. Stop being a stick in the mud.”

“Okay, okay...” She sighed, turning back to her room. Man, tipsy brain really liked the word okay, didn't it. C'mon, tipsy brain, get it together. “Okay. Hold on, give me a minute. Might as well enjoy myself before Mira gets here.”

“Oh, I'm looking forward to seeing her!” Merrill declared excitedly, and then laughed at the sigh she gave. “You two are always bickering. It's sweet!”

“Sweet like a pain in the ass.” She muttered under her breath, making absolutely no sense to herself. Calling over her shoulder, she demanded, “You guys had better not give him any shit when he gets here! I mean it! I basically don't get to see him again until Sunday.”

“Of course we won't!” Bethany called back, and then the laughing started again.

She rolled her eyes, cleaning up her workspace carefully, taking care for tequila-clumsy fingers. Of course. Of course they wouldn't. Yeah, right.

 

 

“I'm sorry!” She declared for the third time, tightening her arms around his neck. Mmh, he was finally here, and admittedly kind of smelled like work, which was bleh, but she'd managed to convince him to carry her into the room...so that was a point in his favor. “Isabela is rude.”

“You did tell me not to let her tell me the joke.” Solas replied, amusement clear, though his voice caught a little as she nuzzled in against his neck. She heard the bedroom door close as he half-turned, and finally squinted her eyes open to peer up at him. “Ellana...I need to shower.”

“You are sort of gross.” She agreed, and then squealed as he nearly dropped her, letting her fall for a split second before tightening his arms again. “Hey!”

“You are not nearly as drunk as you're acting.” He informed her, and she started laughing, finally releasing her grip on his neck as he settled her onto the bed. “I wonder why that is.”

“So they didn't keep forcing me to drink more.” She admitted with a grin, lifting a finger to her lips. “I didn't want to be all sloppy drunk when you got here. I haven't had anything but water in like an hour.”

“Didn't want to waste our evening passing out on me?” He asked with a smile, and she gave a quick nod, scooting a little up the bed as he unbuttoned his shirt. “Well, I appreciate the consideration.”

“Any time.” She replied, offering her cheesiest wink and and a double finger-guns. He rolled his eyes and shrugged off his shirt, tossing it at her. She gave a faint 'eep' as it landed over her face, nose wrinkling. “Hey!”

“Ellana...what is this?” The caution in his voice cut through her bleary brain, and she pulled his shirt off of her head to peek up curiously. He was staring at her...oh. She reached for the slumped shoulder of her worn-out hoodie, but it was too late.

Oops.

“Don't want to talk about it.” She decided firmly, swatting his hands away as he knelt down next to her to examine the bruises, pulling her sweatshirt down further, tugging it out of her grip. Okay, it was getting purple. “I'm fine. I'm fine...”

“Who hurt you?” Solas asked calmly as she pulled back away from him and jerked up her sweatshirt again, but it was the wrong calm. The kind where his voice just went...flat. It wouldn't be so worrisome, if she couldn't hear the ice creeping in underneath. “Ellana, please answer me. Let me see.”

“You don't get to talk to me like that. You promised.” She pointed out, and he sighed, but the tension stayed. Ugh, it was setting her teeth on edge. “I'll tell you, but you don't get to get angry.”

It seemed like a logical bargain to make right now, in tipsy-brain mode, but he just looked annoyed with her. Still, a hand smoothed over her hair as she unzipped her sweatshirt and drew it off, which made it a bit easier when he nodded curtly. He couldn't seem to take his eyes off the bruises on her arm as she exposed them again. She wished he would stop staring, it made him angrier. She tried to pull away, and he gently caught her elbow.

“Andruil was waiting in the parking lot when I came outside.” She admitted, and he instantly stiffened even more, eyes getting dark and hard. No, she didn't like that. “It was fine! It was fine. She ordered me to talk to her, I told her to fuck off and then walked. And I just kept walking. I didn't engage, I didn't pick a fight. I swear I didn't pick a fight.”

She had to say it, because he was just looking more furious by the second, by which she meant he was getting very, very still. Honestly, that was the part she hated, because it made him look like he was shutting down. Walling himself up.

“She grabbed my arm, yanked on me. I shoved her back, she fell and broke a heel...” The memory made her give a faint 'heh', and he frowned. Well, she still thought it was kind of funny. “She screamed at me a bunch, called me nasty names, called me ugly and insulted my Dalishness, but I didn't say anything, I just kept walking. And that's all. I handled it.”

“I was right there. You could have gone back inside, you could have...” His voice was still stony, and even though she knew it wasn't aimed at her, she didn't like it. “Ellana, why didn't you tell me?”

“Right now? This has nothing to do with you.” She didn't know why she said it, but she was so tired of him trying to take responsibility for things that weren't his. All she wanted was for him to realize this wasn't his fault. “She doesn't know you're my boyfriend, she doesn't know we're even friendly. This is literally just between her and I. It has absolutely nothing to do with you.”

It seemed to startle him out of his anger just a tiny bit, and he glanced down at her. She felt bad that he looked a little hurt, but what could she do? It was true. He didn't need to make up for their shit. It wasn't like he was their dad or something. She didn't even realize she might not have said it exactly how she'd meant to.

“I don't want you to protect me. This isn't your fault.” There was a pause, and she finally sighed, admitting quietly, “I should have called you after it happened.”

“You should have.” He agreed, clipped. Okay, he was angry at her now, she could tell the difference. Less hard, more irritated. “It hurts me a bit that you don't think of me, I must admit.”

“That's not fair.” She protested, and he sighed, closing his eyes. The hand on her head was still gentle, as he stroked her hair back again. “You know it's not.”

When he didn't respond at first, she watched his face worriedly. He breathed in, and then exhaled in a long sigh, eyes meeting hers again at last. He still looked annoyed, but a little less angry. 

“It is not.” He finally replied, and then added quietly, “But I need you to try. Please. This is important to me.”

“Okay, next time I get assaulted in a parking lot I'll call you.” She replied with ill-timed flippancy, and weathered his glare with a purse of her lips. This was crummy. She didn't want to deal with this, not now. Not this week. “I want to be done with this for the night. What can I do to make this be gone? I want my Solas back, I want him to kiss me and be uncomfortably affectionate, and then fall asleep on top of me so I wake up with my arm all cramped.”

She at least got a grudging, humorless smile this time, but he gave a slow shake of his head, and she twisted her lips to the side and dropped her her eyes to stare at her knees. At least when she reached for his hand he didn't stop her, letting her twist their fingers together.

“I don't think you quite understand...” He began again, and the deliberate tone of his voice had her stilling, glancing up again. This time she forced herself to listen properly, even if she didn't really want to. “Why I'm upset with you. I feel as if there's a disconnect here. Everything you're saying right now seems hurtful, and I don't think that's what you intend. Can you please try again so that I can understand?”

Her first instinct was, of course, to shrug it off uncomfortably and babble something awkward. The alcohol suggested she make a joke of it. She had a feeling neither of those would work, and that the booze had been giving her bad ideas. Instead, she closed her eyes and let out a long sigh, trying to figure out what she'd been trying to say.

“I think it's shitty, that you feel responsible for the bad shit they do. Every time something like this happens you start apologizing and get upset and I hate that. They're not you. You can't do anything about them. You shouldn't have to feel like you have to.” She admitted with a sigh, and he started to relax. Oh thank fuck, she'd figured it out. “I can't claim that's why I didn't call you, though. At least not consciously. That part is my fault. You're right, I didn't think of you, and I'm sorry that hurts you. Maybe it was adrenaline, or...whatever. Maybe just a bad habit...”

“And so when you said it had nothing to do with me...” He began, and then gave a faint 'ah' when she slapped her forehead and gave a long sigh. “You meant I shouldn't involve myself, because...”

“It'll make things bad for you. It'll drag you in, and she'd probably freak the fuck out even more.” She agreed, and then gave a long groan. Oh, hell. Yeah, that's what she'd said, wasn't it. Why was she so terrible? “I said the worst possible thing again, didn't I? I'm so sorry, Solas.”

“I promised I would tell you when you said things that seemed hurtful.” He pointed out, and finally took pity and leaned down to kiss her forehead. “I do wish you would have decided to call me, but I cannot expect a lifetime of habits to change in only weeks.”

“I think about you a lot. I don't want you to think...I don't think of you...” Why was she suddenly getting so upset? He glanced down at her in slight alarm, and she shook her head violently, fighting the desire to cover her face. “I don't want to make you sad.”

Her voice broke on the last word, and it was so stupid and immature, and she just...it had to be the alcohol. But she really had hurt his feelings, and apparently that was now a big deal to her, because she just felt awful. Except she was probably going to keep doing it, wasn't she?

“I'm...bad at this...” She finally whispered, and he looked even more concerned, but she didn't blame him, because she didn't do this. The hand settling on her shoulder helped, but only a little. “I'm sorry I make you sad...I want to stop doing it, but I...”

He gave a long sigh and shifted over her, mattress crinkling noisily as he settled on the other side of her, away from her bruised arm. She wasn't crying, because she didn't cry in front of people, and she needed him to know that. She needed him to know that, but she couldn't seem to get it out, as he gathered her up into his arms, holding her tightly to his chest. He wasn't angry any more, and that was good, but she'd hurt him, and that wasn't. It wasn't at all.

“You make me...” He started, hand sliding down her hair to rub her back, and that was good, too. Especially since he wasn't just patting her condescendingly. “So happy, vhenan. You do. You are not bad at this. You simply are used to something different. And I know...that we can learn how to make this work, if you want to. You've worked so hard to try, and I am grateful, that you have.”

He didn't tell her not to cry, which was good, because she wasn't. She didn't cry. Sniffling in heavily, chest shuddering, she wiped her cheek. She could feel him stiffen a little as her movement draw his attention to her bruises again. She didn't want him thinking about that.

“You're taking advantage of me...to do your talking...” She accused between little sniffs, and he relaxed again, a faint chuckle escaping. “Don't...deny it. I know it's true.”

“I had planned to do it either way tonight.” He admitted, and pulled her a little closer at her murmured accusation of treachery. “Only a little. What can we do to get these thoughts out of your head? I want to help. The negativity only hurts things. I believe you can do it, and I want you to believe it as well.”

“How do you do it? You went straight to 'how do we fix it' and I just...just don't get it.” Frustration got a few more tears out, and this time he reached up to wipe her cheeks, thumb stroking across her skin.

She was so grateful he didn't bring it up, didn't say anything. The worst was when people told you not to cry, because...ugh.

“I wish I could put it into words for you, but it simply isn't that easy.” His hand slid up to her shoulder, and then gently tucked under her arm, lifting it despite her murmur of denial. “This is important. You seem to think...things that happen to you aren't. I'm not quite certain why, but perhaps you can start by understanding that they are important to me?”

“I...” Maybe that would work. It was a little bit easier than the thought that she had to make a big fuss about her problems, at least. “I can try. I know that doesn't mean much, but...”

“I wonder if you listen to me at all.” He interrupted her with fond exasperation, and she sniffed, lips twisting to the side. He released her arm and brought his hand around again to gently thumb the last tear from her cheek. “Trying means a great deal to me. Do you not understand that? You've given me something that I at least have not witnessed you offering to anyone else, and that...means everything to me.”

Anders' words came back to haunt her, and she frowned, fighting the little questioning nudge of his fingers that tried to get her to look at him again. She couldn't, not now. Seemed like the booze was fading.

“I guess everyone but me sees it.” She admitted weakly, and then gave a long sigh, chest rising and falling heavily against him. “I just...caring about some of this stuff is completely new territory. And I'm grateful...you're being patient, but...it makes me feel guilty.”

“Well, we just had an argument that we resolved, so obviously we're doing something right.” He pointed out, and she gave another chagrined laugh. “Well...I will push back my instincts to step in front of you and defend you from the world...which I admit are nearly overwhelming...and ask you what you want to do about Andruil.”

“Nothing, honestly.” She admitted, shaking her head a little at his long, tired exhale. This time she could meet his annoyed gaze. “I have good reasons! One, frankly, I have pictures of this. Okay? I'll take some more in the morning. I'm not doing nothing. I just think going to the cops with only this would be pointless.”

“Police?” Interesting, his instantly aloof expression and tone of voice. She'd seen it a few times before, but sort of got where it was coming from now. “I realize it might be difficult for you to understand, but that is not how things are...What?”

Oh, good. He'd finally gotten the disapproving look she was giving him. Granted, she hadn't wanted to go to the police before, but now...well, he was making her all contrarian.

“I do realize they're rich, you know, but the law is the law. She assaulted me. I'm not doing anything about it, because I recognize that nothing will happen. I'm not stupid.” The sarcastic edge finally bit through, and he relaxed a little. “I also recognize that you running back to your Aunt just reinforces all this bullshit.”

“I do not...” He started, but she kept up the stare, and his words died off. “I...do. It's how we have always handled it. Nothing else works. She would listen to my uncle, but he doesn't care enough to be involved.”

“Well, you're not a them we any more, you're a we...we...okay, that sounds stupid, but you know what I mean. So we're going to find a different way to handle it.” She replied, and watched the conflict in his eyes as he gazed down at her. Finally, he nodded, and offered a faint smile.

“Very well. Excellently well done, using my own desires against me like that.” He replied, and she smiled a little more comfortably at the dry wit in his voice. “You are right. Would you like me to repeat it?”

“Nah, I got smug enough over the first time. What can I say? I have to step up my game if I want to keep up with you. You're getting what you want, but it means you've got to compromise, too.” A pause, and then she confessed, just to try and get the rest of his anger to fade. She could tell it was still hovering, she could see it in his shoulders. Nice shoulders. “You're right. It didn't bug me that she was doing it to me, I guess. But I'm still mad at her for scratching up your face.”

“I suppose I shouldn't be pleased at that.” He decided with a faint smile, twisting her hair back behind her ear. “I don't like feeling helpless, Ellana, especially not when it comes to your safety. You are correct, going to Mythal will make it more complicated, and going to the police will only make my family angry with both of us. So. What are we to do to ensure you don't come to any harm?”

“Well...I'll carry my mace with me. The keychain one. And yes...” She continued, at the slightly shocked expression he turned on her. “I will not hesitate to mace your cousin if she assaults me again. Because it's a consequence. For acting like a crazy douchebag. I have a feeling she doesn't get a lot of those.”

“I...” His expression shifted a few times as he absorbed that and she watched, taking his hand again and nudging her cheek against his fingers. “Your safety is most important. Very well. Terrifying, that thought, but if you can...get evidence of some sort. That would make it easier, when the inevitable threats of legal action would come.”

“You mean record it or something? I guess so...I don't know how I'd do both.” She responded dubiously, lips pursing together.

“You're not walking home alone any longer.” He replied, and kept talking over her wordless, sharp exclamation. “Not until we know for certain she's over this. It will pass eventually, it always does, but in the mean time...please.”

“...Ugh. For you.” She said grudgingly, one of his fingers stroking across her cheek, the rest tightening in hers. “But only for you, and only under protest.”

“Protest lodged. Thank you.” He murmured, and then finally leaned down and kissed her, nose nudging gently against the side of hers.

She could feel him relax at last then, and let out a soft sigh of relief against his lips, which curved up slowly into a smile. A light nip as he pulled back made it deepen, and she returned it. Her mouth pursed slightly as his thumb stroked across it, and then over the curve of her cheek.

“So...it's probably like past eleven now, isn't it?” She asked wryly, and he glanced over her head at the alarm clock she never used.

“Appears so. I still need to shower.” He sounded a little apologetic, but she just smiled and shook her head. “Hmh?”

“It's fine. I wasn't expecting to see you at all tonight. But...can you manage another half hour and make it a bath, instead?” Her head tilted to the side, and she admitted, “I may have picked up a treat, since I sort of haven't had time to use up my fun budget like...at all this week. Nothing fancy, but...I don't know. Tomorrow's gonna be rough, so I'd like to maximize our time together. Be all efficient.”

“Well, I can hardly argue with efficiency.” He agreed, and she smiled, pulling up to sit with him as he tugged on her hand. “I do apologize that it won't be much more than talk and sleep.”

“Stuff comes up. You get back Sunday night, we'll fuck all the stress right back out of your system. Kick everybody out.” She promised, scooting to the edge of the bed and getting to her feet. “Get drunk, have sex on every surface of the apartment, smoke some elfroot, you know. Just get crazy.”

“You know...I don't believe I've smoked in quite a long time.” He remarked thoughtfully, and then glanced down as she attempted to pull his undershirt over his head. After the third tug, he relented and lifted his arms, but asked, “May I inquire as to what you are doing?”

“Winning a bet.” She replied smugly, tossing the shirt to the side and then grabbing his hand, dragging him to the bedroom door. He laughed quietly, shaking his head as she dragged him along. 

“Vhenan, I...” He fell silent as she shushed him, opening the door and dragging him after her into the living room, back into the noise and chaos. He didn't resist even a single step, and she would have stopped if he had.

There was a moment of quiet, and then Isabella sighed heavily, throwing her hands up to the ceiling.

“Fine! You win, Ellie!” She called over, and then laughed brightly. “Ooh, and he blushes.”

There was a silent pause, and she could feel the weight of his stare as she tried not to laugh herself. She peeked up and aside at last, and he shook his head at her, the slight flush fading as attention at the couch turned back to the movie.

“Was that really necessary?” He asked her exasperatedly as they continued on to the bathroom, with her stifling giggles the whole way. “I am feeling slightly objectified, Ellana.”

“I'm sorry. Maybe I'm just feeling a little like bragging that my boyfriend is freaking gorgeous.” She replied, peeking up and aside. It wasn't easy to say, but disturbingly, maybe a little easier than she thought it would be. But maybe she had been an ass, so she could at least try to use the damn 'b' word. “Sorry. I guess that was kind of insensitive.”

“I...was actually teasing you. But...it is good to know that you think...I am...” He replied, clearing his throat, color in his cheeks again. She enjoyed it, his hint of a smile easing her guilt somewhat. “I...I believe I told you that you'd become accustomed to calling me that.”

“Yeah...well...I guess I might as well start facing the facts.” She murmured ruefully, and then gave his shoulder a little shove with her head as they paused at the bathroom door. “I can't seem to screw up enough to get rid of you.”

“I'm certain you'll find all sorts of ways to attempt it.” He replied, and she stuck her tongue out at him. “Ah yes. A positively brilliant rejoinder. Why didn't I think of that?”

“You're just not as eloquent as me.” She replied, and then laughed and gave him another nudge, escaping from his grip. “It's okay, I like you anyways.”

“And I am grateful for it.” He murmured, leaning down to kiss the tip of her nose. “Even if you seem determined to drive me insane.”

“Well, someone has to.” She reasoned, giving a little push to his shoulder. “Go. Go draw the bath, I'll get the wine, and we'll pretend the rest of the week isn't going to be hell, just for a little while.”

He nodded, turning around and disappearing into the bathroom. With a sigh, she went to head for the fridge herself, forcing back all the thoughts of what was ahead. It was going to be a rough few days, but she had a feeling they'd make it somehow.

Hopefully.

 

Solas (Work)

12:05 HELP  
12:05 I mean it  
12:05 You said I don't text you enough so now I'm texting you and you're not answering so I can only conclude you want me to stop but I need heel  
12:06 help...stupid auto correct

12:46 I'm assistant teaching. It's Friday. You know that vhenan, I'm not ignoring you, I promise. What do you need?

12:48 To throw my sister into a volcano. Sorry I didn't mean to interrupt. You got a volcano??

12:51 No, I'm afraid I'm out. Have you tried the river? What time do you work tonight?

12:51 She floats D: 4:30-close, then straight to the store, until 6....then zzz then 430 to etc etc

12:51 I'll join you for dinner at nine? Next week I may be able to switch with Leliana from open to close on Saturday.

12:52 If I say you don't have to you'll fuss at me so I'll just say yes please also I have your sweater you forgot it. It is mine now  
12:52 All mine. I rubbed my butt on it

12:53 …Thank you, the professor is glaring at me now.

12:53 Stop texting in class you degenerate!! this is a hallowed place of learning not for your saucy future pocket typewriter antics

12:54 Someone's feeling rather silly.

12:54 Well if I'm going to be your manic pixy dream girl sugartits I gotta amp up the crazy :P No but seriously...ok...okokokokok....um. Saturdays a bust. Just a bust complete. We knew that

12:54 We did, yes.

12:54 Sunday is...I'm off at 6 so I can try to stay up so we can do stuff or I can go to bed and you can come over when you feel like it and climb on in....

13:04 Sorry, vhenan, work for a moment. Why don't I meet you when you get off of work?

13:05 Because its like butt early?? Though you can always come sleep with me. I sleep better when you're there <3 Mostly because you're heavy and you suffocate me...no waking up when dead

13:05 That was almost romantic. You're slipping. We'll talk tonight. Don't kill your sister.

13:06 Noooooo promises. Xoxo

“Stop texting and listen to me.” Mira repeated for the third time, and she made a rude noise, reaching for her soda. It was scooted out of her reach, and she sighed and glanced up at last.

“What?” Ellie met the narrow stare from across the table, squinting up to meet it. Ugh, when did she get so tall? “I'm listening, I have been listening.”

“Then what am I talking about?” Mira challenged, and she sighed and glanced aside. Alistair held up his hands defensively, and Anders was staring out the window. “See?”

“Thanks for the backup, guys.” She muttered, and then heaved a long sigh. “Okay, sorry. It was...a protest, right?”

“You sure you can't come? It's just...this is our last chance to say something before it goes to court, and if we can't do something we're going to lose that whole stretch of clan land along highway fifty five and it's going to be a stupid outlet mall!” Mira declared, slapping both hands on the table and leaning forward. Ellie didn't have the heart to tell her she was getting salad dressing on her shirt. “I know it's sort of inconvenient, but Keeper Deshanna says...”

“Keeper Deshanna spends too much time putting weird junk in your head. I've got two jobs, and literally no time at all, and I can't be going all the way out to Ostwick just to hold a sign. It's not like a protest will do anything, anyways!” Ellie pointed out, fighting back frustration. This was important to Mira, she knew, but it'd never worked before, and it wasn't going to start now. “You guys are just going to have to trust that the pro bono guy from Starkhaven knows what he's doing. You can't let your studies slip because of this.”

“You guys? You're one of us. Hello, Ellie, did you forget?” Okay, there was the dramatic flail of the arms, nearly smacking Alistair in the face. He ducked, and Anders snickered faintly. “Sorry, Ali.”

“It's all right, you only almost hit me across the face.” He replied wryly, reaching for his grilled cheese again. “This time, at least! Ellie's right, Mira. She's working all the time, it's actually a little bit ridiculous. It's not fair to put that on her, you know she cares.”

Ellie managed a smile for Alistair, and he grinned lopsidedly back and shrugged.

“And that's another thing!” Mira added sharply, and she stifled a roll of her eyes as her smile faded. “I told you not to get a second job! I swear I can get that scholarship to cover some living expenses, I'm almost done with the essay.”

“It's barely a second job at all, Mir. Two overnights a week, that's all.” She placated, stifling a small sigh and ignoring the elbow in her ribs for the second time. “I keep Sundays clear, I can do some stuff during...WHAT?”

The third and fourth elbows were harder to ignore. For someone who had been worried about her bruises, he sure didn't seem to care if he injured her ribs. She turned her head to stare at Anders, who was grinning. 

“Are you going to tell her?” He asked provokingly, and Mira was back to leaning over the table.

“Tell me what?” She asked, voice low and intrigued.

“You told me you told her!” Ellie replied, with a slight stab of alarm. Wait, he hadn't told her? Why would he... “You tried to trick me, Anders! You bastard!”

“It didn't work.” He admitted, and then grinned a little bit again. “Can you blame me for trying? Otherwise you'd not tell her at all.”

“Tell me what!?” Mira repeated, glaring across the table at her. In defense, she grabbed a couple fries and crammed them in her mouth. “Oh, that's mature, Ellie.”

“Your sister has a boyfriend.” Anders informed her, and Ellie scowled at him. “Well, she was going to find out eventually, wasn't she?”

“With any luck, no.” She replied from around her mouthful, meeting Alistair's odd look from across the table. She raised a brow, and he cleared his throat and shrugged, looking back at his food. Okay. Whatever. 

“Wait. He just said you have a boyfriend...and you didn't deny it?” Mira leaned back against the booth, shaking her head slowly from side to side. “Wow. I am just...wow. Who are you and what have you done with my sister?”

“Hey Mira! Tell me more about protests!” She encouraged, ignoring Anders snickering at her. “So I hear if you get a really good chant going, you get a double combo score and you've got a better chance of leveling up your megaphone skills.”

“Bitch. No, but seriously. Boyfriend? This from a girl who reacted to being asked...”

“Shut up, Mira.” She warned, but she knew Anders was egging her on without even bothering to look. Alistair was just picking at his sandwich. That wasn't like him. Alistair loved his grilled cheese.

“Who pushed a guy into a garbage can in the middle of the lunchroom and ran away when he publicly asked her to prom.” Mira finished, smirking as she reached for a fry. “The lunch ladies still remember you, they call me Trash-Can Ellie's little sister.”

“Okay, one, I didn't go into the trash can, so that's a terrible nickname. Two...I panicked, he tried to sing. Three? You wear too much eyeliner.” She replied defensively, and got a glare for her trouble. To be fair, she did. And the cat-eye wasn't very flattering. “What do you want to know? He's several magnitudes of order smarter than me, his family is all assholes, he has freckles on his nose, he is way way nicer than I deserve.”

“Orders of magnitude, not magnitudes of...”

“Shut up, Anders.” She sniped as he snickered, and Mira just glared all the more. “That's about it. Honestly.”

“He's a decent amount older than her, he went to law school at some point but dropped out, he's friends with someone who knows Cullen and apparently 'looks like a painting, one of those old fancy ones' according to Carver.” She rolled her eyes and gave Anders an elbow back, but he just kept on blithely going, “He talks like he was raised taking elocution lessons, Isabela claims he's 'not her usual thing, but she'd lick chocolate sauce off of him'...”

Okay, that one was fair. She gestured impatiently, and then reached for the other half of her burger. Might as well get all the gossip out. She was wondering what they'd been tossing around anyways.

“He's her boss, apparently they go at it like teenagers, and she's ridiculously gone on him. Anything I'm missing, Ellie?” He smiled innocently when she glanced sidelong, tearing a bite off of her burger and chewing as she glared.

“Wait, that's all you guys know about him? That's not like you.” Mira declared, glancing to Alistair expectantly.

“I...I don't know anything!” Alistair blustered awkwardly, shrugging his shoulders. “I haven't even met him. I assumed he'd be gone by now.”

Well, that shut up everyone for a second, silence reigning over the table.

“Ouch.” She muttered around her mouthful, giving Alistair a baffled look as she chewed and swallowed. That didn't seem like him. She'd expect that from Anders, but Anders would have said it jokingly. “Damn, man, that's the kind of thing you think, but don't say.”

“I...everyone else was making jokes!” Alistair protested, and then sighed heavily. “Never mind. I'd better get to work, or Wynne will have my hide. Sorry, Ellie. Let me out, Mira?”

“You want a box for your stuff?” Anders suggested, and then shrugged at the rapid shake of his head. “Okay, then I'm eating the rest of your fries.”

“Help yourself. Thank you for lunch.” Alistair replied quietly, and Anders bowed his head with a lift of his hand. “I'll see you tomorrow night, Mira. Are you going to come to the movies, Ellie?”

“Work.” She replied ruefully, and managed a grin, trying to poke him out of whatever mood he'd gotten himself into. “But you guys have fun, I'll see ya soon.”

“I hope so. I'm...sorry.” He replied, and she grinned and shook her head at him.

“It's fine. If all of my jokes landed, I'd be the funniest person in town, but they don't always work.” She kept the smile, but the sting was finally felt, as she lifted a shoulder. “Besides, it's not like you were wrong, huh?”

He didn't respond, just shrugged a little and headed off. She watched him go with a slightly confused expression, shaking her head. He'd been weird lately. Maybe she'd pissed him off.

It was quiet for a minute as Mira settled back down, but eventually she couldn't take her and Anders eyeballing each other any longer, and sighed and deliberately changed the subject. She didn't feel like being grilled about Solas any more.

“How's your dad, Mir? And Siobhan.” Reaching out, she grabbed her soda, waving across the room at Josephine as she popped back out of the kitchen again. 

“Dad's fine, Siobhan's still taking care of him fine without any help. I don't think he'll need a nurse for a few years yet, it's not something you need to worry about, Ellie!” Mira replied, shrugging one shoulder. “I've told you like a million times, it's fine. You still sure you don't want to sell the caravan?”

“No. No way. I can keep up with the taxes and stuff, I'm not giving up our home. And he was my stepdad at one point, too, it's not like I don't like Mac. I'm glad he's doing okay.” Anything to keep her from prying. Get her on a tangent she could rant about, that was the trick. “How'd that...appeal to the clan board go? They gonna let you get your Vallaslin this spring?”

“Right now, yes! Can you believe this? Everyone else got theirs at the last Arlathvhen, and it's like, I've had to fight just to get them to accept me.” Mira gestured wildly with her cup, disgust in her voice. Whew, there she went. “You would think the clan, of all people, wouldn't be like this! If it weren't for Deshanna being on my side...”

“So wait, what's happening now?” Anders asked, sounding a bit confused as he leaned against the table. “They weren't going to let you get your Vallaslin? I thought you'd worked that out.”

“I thought I had too, but that's how these things go. Seriously. These scummy developers eating up our land, dragging it out from under us in court, and they think the shape of my ears is what they need to be focusing on?” Mira spat, rolling her eyes ceilingward dramatically. “I gave them such an earful. You have no idea. I haven't seen any of them at the protests, that's all I'm saying.”

“I'm sure you did. It's complete bullshit. You're more Dalish than I am.” Ellie joked, hiding her concern. She didn't know why they kept doing this. It was true, honestly. Mira cared, and had literally been learning and then fighting for shit as soon as she was old enough. “You've had clan membership since you were born, the same as everyone else, no matter who your dad is. It's fine. I'm sure they just feel...helpless with all this crap that's going on.”

“I wish mom had made it until I'd gotten mine. Then we wouldn't be in this mess.” Mira sighed, prodding her straw around in her drink. “Ugh, why is life so...inconvenient? All the time.”

“I don't know, Mir. I don't know. Hey, if you ever have a protest down here, I'll make sure to come, okay?” She was only half serious, but then the look on her sister's face got thoughtful, and she lifted a brow. “I was joking, Mira. There's no clan in the city.”

“No, I just...had an idea. Don't worry about it, I've got to do some research on it.” She waved a hand through the air, again, and Ellie stifled a snort. She was going to put someone's eye out one of these times. “So is your boyfriend working tonight? Do I get to meet him?”

“No, and no. Hell no.” She replied instantly, and ignored the fact that Mira was trying to bore a hole in her skull with the force of her stare. “Hell no, Mira.”

She was in the middle of putting a fry in her mouth when her phone on the table buzzed, and both of their stares snapped to it. They practically moved at the same time, but Mira had a half second headstart and a longer reach. She snatched it out from under her hand, and triumphantly slid it open.

“I...hah!” She declared triumphantly, holding the phone far out of Ellie's reach as she kneeled up on the bench and reached for it. “Shorty big sister, shit out of luck...I...hey!”

“Well, don't read my texts if you don't want to find out I'm planning to kill you!” She retorted at the dirty look Mira gave her, following it up with a snort as her gaze softened. “What.”

“He calls you vhenan...” Mira replied, and she growled disgustedly and finally ripped the phone out of her hand. “Aww, Ellie, that is so sweet. So he's elven, too? Is he Dalish?”

“Shut up, Mira. Yes, and no. His family's from here, I think.” Clutching her phone protectively, she scowled across the table at her sister. Anders, wisely, was silent. “You're a bitch.”

“I'll be here at nine to meet him.” Mira replied with a broad grin, tilting her head to the side. “And it runs in the family.”

Mira was still gloating when she got a spatter of ketchup flicked across her cheek, and she stared, mouth half-open. Ellie picked up her napkin and calmly wiped off her fingers.

“Yeah, but I'm better at it. More experience, baby sister. Finish your lunch.” She suggested, and then picked up her phone again to respond to Solas' text. “I want to have time to do something before I have to disappear forever for work. What are you doing tonight?”

“Going to Isabela's. I'm legal to drink here!” Mira finally replied, grinning at her as she grabbed her napkin and cleaned off her cheek. “Don't worry, Bethany is coming to babysit me.”

“Make sure someone sober drives you home. If you can't...” She ordered, and then rolled her eyes as she was interrupted.

“Call a cab, or call you. Yes, Ellie, I know. Jeez, you don't have to be such a worry wart.” 

“It's a rough job, but somebody's got to do it.” She replied, glancing down to her phone as she typed. “Who knows what crap you'd get up to if I didn't?”

“Probably be running the world by now.” Anders joked, and she stifled a long-suffering sigh.

Yeah, he wasn't wrong about that. 

That's why she freaking worried so much.

 

 

 

 

 

As far as Friday nights at the diner went, tonight wasn't so bad. For all her complaining, it was honestly so good to see Mira, but weird how adult she seemed now. Even more so than a few months ago. Losing mom hadn't been...unexpected, and it hadn't been fast, so both of them had kind of grieved themselves out by the time they lost her at last. It still hurt, of course, but they'd been sort of relieved she wasn't suffering any more.

But living on her own had changed Mira, a lot more than Ellie had expected. She had always been confident, and kinda dramatic. Now it was a sort of...self-possessed air, though. Like a grown up. She was used to her little sister that would stir up trouble and then come running to her, she always had. They were like nine years apart, after all, and mom had basically been sick for as long as Mira remembered.

It'd always been Ellie-in-the-Middle. Keeping the peace, calming things down, taking care of things. She'd almost stayed instead of going to college, and probably would have if it hadn't been for her stepdad. She'd be grateful to Mac, even if he couldn't put up with mom for long after she'd been gone. Once she'd gotten out of there, no way she could have gone back.

She still felt guilty for leaving Mira with mom. Probably always would, but...she'd turned out okay.

Maybe sort of obsessed with proving she was just as Dalish as anyone else, but fuck it. If round ears meant she wasn't an elf, then Ellie'd go snip the tips off of hers and they could match. It was enough to almost make her find the time to go get up in some faces herself, and she wasn't a die-hard activist like Mir. Nobody earned a damn Vallaslin any more, it was just 'hey, you're old enough, here you go'. Which was fine, except if anyone had earned it, it'd be Mira. And the fact that they kept pushing her off...

It sort of made her blood boil.

Maybe she should suck it up and call the Keeper.

“That's a pensive expression.” The welcome voice from behind her made her smile, and she glanced over her shoulder, setting her drink down on the table as she met Solas' eyes. “Not a pleasant evening?”

“It's been going fine, actually.” She crossed the kitchen to meet him in the hall, glancing over her shoulder once before accepting the brief kiss he offered down to her. Lips met, soft and casually affectionate, and she pulled back. “I just need to clock out, c'mon. No, just thinking about my sister.”

His hand, as it seemed to do so damn easily, tucked itself into hers, fingers twisting together as she headed for the time clock. There was something anchoring about his grip, warm and strong.

“Nothing bad, I hope?” He asked, and then smiled faintly at her shrug. “Ah.”

“No, I just...mmh. Clan stuff. She's having trouble convincing them to give her her Vallaslin and it's making me kind of angry.” She responded, and then at his questioning look, finally admitted, “Her dad's human.”

It was bad, probably, that she was immediately searching his gaze, waiting for his reaction. She shouldn't be judgmental, she knew it was a touchy subject for a lot of people, but for her...it mattered how he reacted. She'd been doing this her whole life, it felt like, or at least all of Mira's. Weeding people out of her sister's life by testing them first. Trying to protect her. He just looked surprised for a moment, for which she didn't blame him, and then nodded to her with the edge of a smile.

“I can see how that would be difficult for her.” He replied, and she let out a little sigh of relief. It didn't escape his notice, but he just leaned over to kiss the side of her head. “She is lucky to have a sister that cares as much about her as you do, vhenan.”

“Yeah, well...the clans are lucky to have her.” She replied with embarrassment, finally clocking out, and then letting him tug on her hand, leading her back through the kitchen. “She's going to change things, if she doesn't end up in jail first. She's one of those people. You know. It just drives me nuts. She's always protesting, making petitions, trying to really make things better for the Dalish, and some of them won't even recognize her.”

“What sort of...things does she protest?” Solas asked slowly, and then smiled faintly at her curious expression. “I just wonder if I've read about it in the news, I suppose.”

They wandered back through the kitchen, and her 'subtle' attempt to free her hand from his failed twice on the way through. He had a really good grip, and didn't bother hiding his slight smirk. Dagna just grinned at them, waving a spatula, Solas returning the gesture with his free hand.

“Jerk...” She muttered, giving in to the freaking public hand-holding with ill grace. “She...I don't know, everything? There's some court case going on in Ostwick I guess right now that she's all up in arms about. It sort of blends together after a while. There's always something.”

“Ah, yes, well, those land agreements are ancient, vhenan. Laws have changed since they were made, they'll have to be updated for...” He paused at her odd stare, and then pointed out, “I did go to law school.”

“Hard to get land agreements updated in your favor when the other side has all the lawyers.” She pointed out, and he dipped his head in recognition. “It's all above my head, frankly. Which I guess I feel guilty about, but...”

“Yes, it must be difficult to be an incredible artist, a self-sacrificing sister, a wonderful friend and girlfriend who holds down two jobs and creates beautiful art, because you know if you simply tried, you could find a few hours a day to keep up with the intricacies of incredibly convoluted lawsuits.” Solas replied, and she glared at him as he innocently pulled her through the swinging door, ignoring her scowl. “It's extremely charming when the tips of your ears turn red, you know.”

“I am a crummy girlfriend.” She muttered in response, utterly embarrassed. “Stop making me say that word.”

“Never stop.” He replied, tugging her aside as they entered the dining room, to the booth next to the kitchen that had been unofficially claimed by the employees. “And out of all of my many girlfriends I currently have, you are undeniably the best one.”

“You are in a weird mood.” She groused, but he just chuckled faintly, making her scowl all the more. “I mean it! I'm the goofy one, not you.”  
“Perhaps so. I had a good day, tolerate me, please?” He waited at the edge of the booth while she hemmed and hawed, and finally gave an explosive sigh that had him smiling. “Thank you.”

“Mmph.” She replied sourly, letting herself be pulled down next to him, curling in against his side as they settled. “Tell me about your day, then. Mine wasn't exactly exciting, except when I almost dropped that tray of drinks.”

“Seeing your sister is enough excitement for you, I'd think.” He pointed out, and she gave a small, grudging laugh. “Nothing terribly exciting happened, but I believe I am going to have my first article published, which should help me immensely in continuing my...what?”

“Isn't that a big deal? Like, being published. You don't seem that excited.” She mused, and then tilted her head at his slight smile. “Okay, did I say something dumb?”

“Academic journals are likely a bit less thrilling than what you're thinking. It's simply part of the process, but an important part.” He explained, and she gave a faint 'ah'. “Still, it's good to have it...”

“Food.” Sera intoned abruptly, thudding a tray down on the table, making her roll her eyes. “Wot? I'm not a waitress. Get yer own next time!”

“You spilled like half my soup!” She protested with a faint laugh, grabbing her plate off of the tray. “Ah, if you got my burger all soggy I'm gonna be pissed.”

Quickly she moved to rescue her dinner, while Solas got his own from the tray. Sera snorted, grabbed the tray, and then flounced back to the kitchen, grumbling all the while. Glancing up, Ellie squinted after her worriedly. 

“She okay?” She asked uncertainly, glancing over at Solas as he offered her a handful of napkins. “Thanks.”

“When I called in my food when I left campus finally, she seemed a bit out of sorts as well. I believe her band may have lost a show again.” Solas replied, and she gave a faint 'ah' under her breath. That would do it. “You said your sister was going to join us? Should we wait?”

“Okay, that is adorably polite, but no. She's not eating, just stopping by to say hello and be nosy before they go out tonight.” She laughed as his nose nudged against the side of her neck, pausing in her mopping up of the plate. “What? You are in such a weird mood!”

“I'm happy to see you.” He replied, and she gave a long-suffering sigh as he rested his chin on her shoulder. “You said you would tolerate.”

“I spoiled you, that's what this is. All that amazing sex, and now you can't go a few days without it.” She teased, losing some of her pretend sulk as he kissed the side of her neck, lips tickling the sensitive skin and making her squirm. “Stop it, I mean it. What if Josephine sees?”

“She will probably sigh and text Leliana about it, and then they will try to get gossip out of me again, I expect.” He murmured, arm sliding behind her and tugging her in a little closer. She let him, but laughed and leaned away as he lifted his head to her ear. “I admit, our current schedule may be making it a bit harder to concentrate over the course of a day. I might have been thinking...some less than appropriate thoughts instead of focusing on my work earlier.”

“And it's my fault, huh?” She asked with a little grin, and then laughed at his shrug. “You could have been a half hour late on Thursday, but nooo, you had to go.”

“Hindsight, vhenan.” He admitted, breath warm against her ear.

“So just...text me later when you get home.” She suggested, lips quirking up and to the side impishly, lowering her voice even further. “And I'll take a break and call you, and...you can take care of that.”

Whatever response he might make to that was interrupted by a vague sound of disgust and a small, apologetic laugh. Glancing up, but not disentangling herself, she made a face at her sister as Mira plopped down in the booth and scooted over. Solas straightened up with a faint clear of his throat, while Bethany settled down as well.

“Hi, guys. Solas, this is my sister Mira, and Carver's twin, Bethany. Mira, Bethy, this is Solas.” She introduced, glancing sidelong with a small shake of her head. His arm was still tucked securely around her, and didn't seem to have any intention of moving it. As bad as the hand holding. 

Give a man an inch...

“It's a pleasure to meet you both.” Solas offered, giving a small dip of his head. “On your way out for the evening?”

“Yeah, we don't have a lot of time, but I figured that if I let Ellie decide if I was going to get to meet you, I wouldn't, so...” Mira started, laughing a little at the face she made. “Well, it's true!”

“Maybe a little bit.” Bethany agreed as she looked to her for support, and then laughed cheerfully. “Sorry, Ellie!”

“Everyone gangs up on me. Everyone.” She sighed, and then glanced sidelong to Solas. “You're not going to agree with them, are you?”

“Ah. Yes. This is where I change the subject, I believe.” He decided, and she gave a small snort of disgust. The hand rubbing affectionately against her hip may have helped her be a little less annoyed. “What will you two be doing this evening?”

“Going to Isabela's. Have you been?” Mira asked, gaze penetrating, measuring. The conversation coming from anyone else would have been friendly, from her there was something slightly judgmental. “You much of a drinker?”

She narrowed her gaze, and was offered a grin from her little sister, a bit feral.

“Not particularly, and no, I haven't yet had the pleasure. Our schedules are both a bit...hectic.” Solas replied, glancing between them with something close to amusement. “Would you like my wallet?”

“That would make it go faster.” Mira agreed, and then snickered at her exasperated sigh. “Oh come on, it's my job!”

“You're my little sister. If anything, it's my job!” She retorted, throwing up her hands at the laughter around the table. Even Solas was chuckling. “Ugh, you are the worst.”

“Back me up here.” Mira demanded of him, and he reached for his drink instead, clearing his throat. “You can't tell me you wouldn't do the same. Familial duty to be nosy and prying.”

“Oh, yeah, that would go over well.” She laughed, and Solas shook his head at her with a hint of a smile. “What, you don't interrogate Andruil's dates? Excuse me, did you bring your tazer and your best running shoes?”

While he choked on his drink, she smirked, meeting Mira's curious expression across the table.

“What, really, your sister is named Andruil?” She laughed, glancing aside as Bethany shot her a questioning look. “It's one of the old Dalish gods. Ancient history stuff.”

“My...cousin, actually.” Solas admitted, with a faint chuckle of his own. “My uncle has some delusions of grandeur. Thematic, at least.”

“I don't know, it's not that uncommon. I went to school with a guy named Korth.” Ellie pointed out, reaching for a handful of fries. She'd better start eating, or she wouldn't get a chance. “Sorry, chat around me. I gotta get back to work in twenty.”

“We should probably go, actually, I don't want to be out all night.” Bethany interjected apologetically, offering a quick, friendly smile. “I have to be at the shelter in the morning, it's our biggest adoption day.”

“Okay, okay. But I'm not done with you.” Mira threatened, jabbing a finger across the table at Solas. Her smile seemed a little bit off, though her voice was normal enough. “I'm leaving on Thursday. So. Force my sister to actually find time for us to get dinner or something. A real dinner, not her cramming food in her face and then running back to work.”

“I will do my best.” He promised, nodding his head. The hand around her gave a little squeeze. “It was nice to meet both of you. Enjoy your evening.”

“Yeah.” Mira agreed, eyes meeting Ellie's. The stare was a little bit odd, and she tilted her head questioningly to the side, still chewing. “Nothing. Try not to work too hard, okay? I'll make lunch tomorrow before you go to work.”

She offered a double thumbs up, and then waved to Bethany as they rose to head off. She squinted downwards, eyeing Mira's shoes as they walked off. She didn't need heels that high. She was already tall enough. Jeez, talk about overkill.

“That wasn't so painful, was it?” Solas teased her, and she swallowed, turning to squint at him. He kissed the end of her nose, and she wrinkled it. “She's very energetic. I'd imagine she was a handful growing up.”

“She still is.” Ellie sighed, leaning in a little closer as he pulled on her, letting herself relax at least for a few minutes. “She...still is. Thanks. For putting up with that.”

“For you, any time, vhenan.” He promised, and she smiled ruefully, shaking her head and reaching for her half-empty soup. “Thank you for spending some time with me.”

“Trust me, it's not just for you.” She replied with a rueful smile. “It's gonna be a long weekend, it's just nice to relax before everything goes to hell.”

Poor choice of words, maybe. She just had no idea how accurate it would turn out to be.

 

 

Okay, well, night shift at the corner store was about as boring as she'd anticipated.

The door chimed, and she glanced up from the counter, relieved and still a little bit flustered. It wasn't like she didn't know how to run a register, but being left alone literally on her first night was not what she was expecting. Orsino said he'd be back by five, and that all she had to do was keep the place clean and ring out customers. That didn't seem too bad. She sort of wished she'd brought a book. How was she going to keep from dozing off tomorrow?

It was a lot less hectic than the diner.

“Mira?” She asked, as her sister wandered in, looking somehow both drunk and sober at the same time. The serious kind of sober, though. At least she was in tennis shoes instead of the silly heels. “Are you all right? You shouldn't have walked down here this time of night. Is everything okay?”

“You're amazing, do you know that?” Her sister replied as she wandered up the aisle to the counter, and she rolled her eyes a little, stifling a sigh. “You're just...you're the best, Ellie.”

“Okay, drunkie.” She replied, stepping around the counter to meet the staggering hug, her too-tall little sister slumping on her. “Oof! Mir, c'mon. You okay?”

“No! I'm not okay!” Mira replied woefully, and she worriedly pulled back to give her a once over. No visible bruises or scrapes, at least. “No, not me! I mean! I'm not bad, you're not okay!”

“I feel pretty okay...” She replied, hiding her amusement. Okay, so Mir was a sobby, dramatic drunk. Not that surprising. “Hey. Why don't I buy you an ice cream cone thing, and you just chill out till you sober up a little, okay?”

“You deserve the ice cream. All of it.” Mira told her earnestly, and she stifled a smile. What a weirdo. “Ellie. Ellie, I have some bad news. I was...I got home from the bar, and I was looking online because I remembered something, and I found out...Your boyfriend is an asshole.”

“C'mon, Mira, that's not nice.” She replied, frowning a bit. Where had that come from? “You seemed to get along with him okay. I actually like him, so could you please lay off?”

Stepping back, she headed for the counter, grabbing the cup of water she'd been nursing for a while. She offered it over to Mira, who took it in both hands, still looking distressed. And genuinely so, which was starting to worry her. She didn't have to like Solas, but this didn't seem like a temper tantrum.

“I know! That's why it sucks, Ellie.” She insisted, flopping against the counter as Ellie stepped behind it again. “He's one of them.”

“Them who? Who's the bad guys this time? Bald people? People who hog the bed?” It was hard not to tease her, even though she seemed upset. She was being a little ridiculous. “Oh, did he...”

“Ellie, shut up.” Mira insisted, staring at her. The dead seriousness in her voice made it through the alcohol this time, and she stared her down. “Do you know who his family is?”

“Besides being assholes? Not really, I didn't ask. He doesn't like them.” She replied, a little bit dismissively. Yeah, they were probably some sort of old money. Bankers, maybe. That seemed like it might fit.

“Ellie, they're the ones who kicked Sabrae out of their land in the Brecilian and chopped it the fuck down. They're...they're the ones who built those fucking...mini-mansion vacation villas on the land they swiped from Virnehn in that shitty deal that completely screwed them over.” Mira kept talking, while she stared at her, dumbfounded. Really? That was... “They're the ones taking us to court to try and fucking build that damn mall! Your boyfriend's family are the fucking scumbag land developers, Ellie!”

It...what?

“The people taking the clan to court are humans, Mira, remember?” It was all she could think of to say once the tirade ended, while her sister stared at her with self-righteous drunken earnestness. “The...”

“It's a subdisi...subsidiary company, Ellie. I knew the parent company was owned by people who lived around here, I looked it up at one point. Remember, you said if I wanted to hold a protest...I thought I should look it up again. You know. Figure out who the evil overlords were.” Mira declared, pushing away from the counter. A few cells of her numb brain were grateful she took a sip of the water, but the rest was still absorbed in processing this. “It turns out they, and a bunch of other asshole companies all belong to the same parent company. And your boyfriend's fucking family owns that. So yeah. He's one of them.”

“No...no he's not.” She found herself saying, blinking rapidly and shaking her head before repeating more firmly. “No, he's not. Mira, that doesn't matter. Okay? He's not like them. Maybe that's true, I don't know. But it doesn't matter.”

“It doesn't matter?” She tried not to flinch as her sister turned her anger on her, her own stubbornness rising to meet the mulish expression. “This is our people's land! Land that we had to fight tooth and nail for! They're taking it out from under us in court because it's cheaper and easier to steal from us than finding somewhere else to build! And you're saying it doesn't matter because you're fucking one of them?!”

“He's not them! He left! He's been trying to leave, trying to do what he wants with his life, okay?” Frustration built, and though she wasn't quite sure why she was defending him, she was. And it was all true. She just needed Mira to understand. “He's better than them. They tried to make him be like them, but he broke away, and I am proud of him for that, so just...you don't have to like him, but don't sit there and accuse him of being one of them, okay? You don't know him.”

Silence stretched between them, and she lifted a hand to her forehead with a sigh, rubbing in slow circles. She'd...process this later. Maybe Mira was talking out of her ass, but she sort of had a feeling she wasn't. That earlier conversation with him about the law suit, and...ugh. It wasn't like she hadn't known they were assholes, but...she understood why he hadn't told her. She did, but she sort of wished he had anyways. This whole thing could have been avoided.

Then again, maybe not. Mir was pretty fucking stubborn.

“You really think he's different?” Mira asked her, much quieter now. “You...really believe that, Ellie?”

“I do, Mira.” She sighed, dropping her hand and meeting her sister's eyes again. She forced a smile. “I do. Just like I believe you're the most Dalishy Dalish person that's ever lived, no matter what the clan council thinks. I...believe in him, okay? None of us can choose how we're born. If what you're saying is true, that just sort of confirms that they're as awful as I think they are, and...he's trying to get away from that.”

“I...” Mira started, and then paused, frowning deeply and shifting her gaze to her feet. For a second she wondered why she looked so sad. “I'm sorry, Ellie. You...you don't deserve this shit, it's just...I really want you to be happy, okay?”

“I am happy, Mir. I'm not gonna try to force you to like him or anything, okay? But just...try to be happy that I'm happy?” She pleaded, lifting a hand to her temple, trying to massage away the tension that meant a headache was probably coming. “Listen, I've got a super long weekend ahead of me, we can talk about this Sunday night...”

When he goes to visit them. 

She frowned, absorbing that thought for a minute. Maybe...maybe that was something they'd have to talk about. Her and him, together. Was that a couple thing? Were they a couple enough for her to ask him why he felt like he had to go? Did she have any right to ask him not to?

A million questions there. Ugh, she had no idea what she was doing.

“I gotta pee.” She abruptly decided, shaking her head. “I've been stuck here by myself. Can you hang out and watch the front while I do it real quick?”

“Yeah.” Mira sighed, still looking a little glum. This was probably harder on her. She sort of saw things pretty black and white. “Hey...can I borrow your phone real quick? Mine's dead.”

“Ummh, sure.” She murmured, pulling it out from under the counter and sliding it across. “Don't go through my texts again, okay? And...stay out of the pics. For your own good.”

“Gross, Ellie.” Mira sighed, barely managing a roll of her eyes, and then a faint smile. She sounded a little less drunk, which was good. “I'll resist the urge somehow. Go pee.”

“I'm going, I'm going.” She laughed, a bit relieved by the smile as she turned to duck into the back. “Then we'll see about that ice cream, okay?”

As Mira thumbed her phone open, the door swung shut behind her. Just a minute or two, that was all she needed to clear her head a little. This was...crummy, but again, she sort of got why he hadn't told her. They'd talk about it. Not a big deal. Nobody could help who their family was, after all, and he was trying.

He wasn't like them.

 

 

The insistent ringing of his phone gradually drew him out of sleep, and he let out a heavy sigh, reaching out and groping blindly at the nightstand. The third slap found it, and he rolled over on his side as he found it, lifting it to his ear. Disoriented and drowsy, it took a moment to remember to pick up, and he finally answered, eyes still closed.

“Hmmh?”

“Solas, wake up.” The voice was cold, and a little bit slurred.

Ellana? 

Almost, but not quite. Ellana's accent wasn't quite so pronounced, voice a bit softer.

“Mira?” He asked vaguely, and got a snort of disgust in response. “It's...”

“One in the morning. Wake up.” She repeated, voice even more frigid and angry.

Finally it started to penetrate, and he rolled onto his back, rubbing at the corners of his eyes with two fingers. Breathing in deeply, he let it out. One in the morning. Ellana's sister...it...

A brief stab of panic, clearing his head.

“Is everything all right? Is something wrong with Ellana?”

“Like you fucking care. I told her about your family. I can't believe you've been lying to her.”

The disgust in her voice met up against his panic, and it settled in his stomach, hard and cold. Suddenly, sleep was the furthest thing from his mind. Staring at the ceiling, he breathed in again.

“I assure you, I had intended to discuss it with her when...”

“When what? You had your chance. And you know...” She kept talking, and he didn't interrupt, willing his mind to catch up with what was happening. What...apparently...had happened. “You don't fucking deserve her, you know that? I tell her all of this, and she's making excuses for you. He's better than them. He's trying.”

He couldn't help the relief, eyes closing as he pulled up to a sitting position. Maybe this would be for the best. He should have told her himself, but now that she knew they could talk about it. And she understood. Of course she had, he'd been an idiot not to trust in her.

“I am. You may not believe it, but I am doing everything I can to...” He finally responded, carefully.

“Oh shut up. Don't feed me that shit. You don't get to be self-righteous after what you did.” The dread returned, ice in his veins as he froze, the angry voice in his ear getting louder by the moment, overtaking everything but the pounding of his pulse. “You think changing your name means I couldn't find out? Took me twenty minutes on the internet to get every fucking detail. But you know what? Unlike you, I care about my sister.”

“What do you want, Mira?” He finally replied, when he could find the breath to speak. He knew how these things went. Money, probably. Some form of extortion. Ordering him to break up with her.

A million different scenarios, all ones he'd been through before. It seemed all families were alike, in some ways. He wouldn't give up without a fight, not this time.

“I want you to fucking tell her what you did. She deserves to hear the truth of what you are from you. She thinks you're different.” Mira snapped, and the words brought no relief, only more pain. He could have handled the other demands, but this one... “But we both know that's not true. If you don't tell her by Sunday night, I'll tell her myself. I hope you're happy. My sister is a good person. She is...amazing, and I don't give a fuck where you come from or who your family is, she is too good for you. Because unlike you, everything she is she had to work for. She had to fight for.”

He closed his eyes, saying nothing as he rubbed a hand across his forehead. The spite and anger in her voice was gone, and she only sounded...heartbroken. The last thing she likely wanted to hear was how much it hurt him as well. This was not what he'd wanted to happen.

“She thinks I don't know how much shit she went through for me. Do you know that? She fought our entire lives for me, and she probably would have for you too. And you people...” The little sob in her voice just shattered him all the further, and he wiped his eyes impatiently with his free hand, blinking rapidly. “You people just destroy everything you touch, don't you? Selfish, self-absorbed bastards. Like your money gives you the right to stomp all over everyone. Do you know how hard it was for her to let you in?”

“I do.” He replied quietly. What else could he say? 

He did, he knew every single concession she'd made for him was a gift, something he'd treasured. It had been so difficult for her, and she'd kept trying. For him.

“Then fuck you even more. It's cute, isn't it? Their little obsession with playing gods, and they named you after the traitor. I guess you lived up to your name.” She let out a long breath, half a sigh and half a sound of disgust, and then finished tiredly, voice almost a mumble in his ear. “I shouldn't even be giving you this chance, but I am. For her. If you've got any fucking heart at all, you'll do it yourself so I don't have to. I hope you had fun slumming. She really cares about you, you heartless son of a bitch.”

The line went dead with the words still ringing in his ears, and he dropped the phone slowly to stare at it, numb and broken. He couldn't even be angry with Mira. Not for telling Ellana, not for calling him now with this threat. She was right. This was all his fault. He should have told her everything weeks ago, but he'd just been too much of a coward. Afraid of driving her away. 

No. That was an excuse.

He'd been too busy hoping he could work his way into her life enough that by the time he told her, she might care enough about him to see past it. Because he hadn't trusted her, maybe, or...

Maybe he agreed with Mira.

Tossing the phone against the bed, he lifted both of his hands to his face, letting out a long, shuddering sigh. Cassandra had been right, he should have done this before, and now it was too late. He had to tell her. If nothing else...he owed it to her to hear it from him.

It was probably too much to hope for that she'd understand and still accept him, but it was all he had to cling to now.

One way or another, it would be over soon.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of editing. <3

Nobody liked getting a 'we need to talk' message, no matter how carefully worded it was to not sound like one. Especially not someone who was prone to freaking out about anything that seemed like it was going to be a thing. Hopefully not a big thing. She had her fingers crossed, at least, that it was just the stuff about his family. It'd be like Mira to get in the middle, honestly. She could see that happening. 

He'd been weird in the half hour she'd seen him at work today...yesterday. It was almost six in the morning, so technically it'd been yesterday. By now she knew that overnights fucked up her head, though, and she was at peace with that. Not bad weird, but she'd gone to say hi and goodbye in the office and he'd grabbed her and smothered her. Kissed the air out of her lungs, and the thoughts out of her head. 

She'd thought it was just a missing her thing, but he'd been kind of...sad. Then the message came, apologetically, at nine. That he'd like to talk when she finished at the store. Whatever it was, it was something that required him being up at six in the morning. Or, five, she guessed, since he'd have to head over. Took him like a half hour, fourty five minutes to get in, and...

It was easier to think about that than why he wanted to talk.

You probably screwed up.

“Yes, thanks, brain.” She muttered under her breath for like the thirtieth time. Anders glanced aside at her, and she shrugged. “Night shift makes you go crazy. Didn't anyone tell you that? Especially since Orsino keeps ditching me here alone.”

“He's running interference at the other stores. You get used to it.” Anders replied idly, glancing back down to his phone. “He probably saw that you had it covered. If Meredith wasn't such a giant, sabotaging bitch, he wouldn't have to keep picking up after her.”

“Man, those two need to fuck already.” She muttered under her breath, and then grinned at the shake of Anders' head. “Oh come on.”

“Normally I'd be right there with you, but in this case...I think it might literally destroy the universe.” He told her, and she started laughing as he grinned. “Seriously. Looks like Solas is here. You can clock out if you want.”

She lifted her gaze to the windows, forehead furrowing as she watched him staring out across the road, fidgeting with his keys. Okay. That wasn't helping the sinking feeling in her gut. It was probably just about his family. That's all. Just the stuff about his family, of course he was nervous. He probably felt like hell for not telling her, which she'd already come to peace with. 

It's not like he owed her anything. He didn't have to tell her if he didn't want to.

When she returned from clocking out and grabbing her stuff, he was still standing outside. Anders gave her a curious look, and she shook her head and shrugged. 

“Don't know, maybe he's waiting for a call. Hey, I'll see you. I work days Tuesday and Wednesday, so we'll all do something one of those nights before Mira leaves.” She promised, and he waved as she shrugged on her coat and turned for the door. 

It opened under her shoulder, and Solas glanced over at her, startled. Her grin faded as she took in his face, tilting her head to the side as she absorbed it. Dark circles, distant eyes. He looked like a mess, quite frankly. Her smile turned questioning, and he shook his head silently and leaned down to kiss her.

It was brief, and dry, and...he was frowning when he pulled back, sadly.

“Okay, let's just have it out.” She sighed, frustrated with the tension in him. It was just...ugh. She'd always been a rip the bandaid sort of person. “Is this about your family? I understand why you didn't tell me, honestly.”

“It...no.” He seemed a little wary, but he took her hand as she shoved hers against his. Normally he would have already grabbed it. The fact that she had to bugged her more than anything. “I had...worked out how I was going to start this, but I cannot even remember now what I was going to say.”

“Okay, just...tell me I didn't do anything wrong. Tell me I didn't screw up, and this is you breaking up with...” She stopped as his hand clenched down on hers, and his head jerked down to stare at her. “Okay, so...no?”

“No...no, Ellana. Not at all.” He sighed, and followed as she started walking, slowly. Better to get away from the windows. “It is...not about you. There are some things I need to tell you. Mistakes I made in my past.”

“What? Not married, are you? Killed a man?” She teased, a bit worried by his sober expression. It couldn't be that bad, could it? It was Solas. Nerdy, sweet, over-affectionate, thoughtful Solas. “Oh, come on. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

“No, I am not married, and...Yes. You are right.” He agreed slowly, and then let out another of those sighs that was starting to really worry her.

She watched him as he breathed in deeply, their steps slow as they headed up the block towards her building. Her relief at the news that this wasn't about her was starting to fade. Okay, he looked...really upset.

Maybe this was more serious than she thought.

 

 

He'd known where to begin, at some point. Now, all he could do was start speaking, and hope it was the right thing to do. Her hand was so warm, curled in his, offering comfort he didn't deserve right now. Perhaps he'd never deserved it.

“You know about what...my family does now, I assume.” He was grateful he didn't have to explain that part, as she gave a small sound of agreement. “It was not something I tried to hide, before. When I started law school, I was...in a different place in my life. You could say I was proud of it.”

He could see her frown, faintly, out of the edge of his vision, but she said nothing.

“I could give you reasons for that, but it's not relevant to this. There were some Dalish students on campus. Part of an initiative, in those days. Special scholarships, programs specifically to help to gain an education they would otherwise be denied.” He started, and she gave a faint 'hmh'. “It was a fairly exclusive school, there was a good amount of negative sentiment...”

Her gaze shifted sidelong to him, and there was a faint wariness there. Ah. Maybe she knew something of it. It wouldn't surprise him. It had been a fairly...notable thing for their community, he'd imagine. Her hand was still holding his, and he took some small comfort in it.

“They had leave from the campus to form their own student association. They decided as a group that my presence was an unwelcome thing. I cannot blame them for that. There were a great many...protests. Not specifically aimed at me, unless I had the misfortune to be walking by them.” He couldn't, not even now. Their harassment hadn't even been that detrimental. Mostly shouting, insults. All things easily ignored, that probably would have passed if he'd ignored it. “They had reason, my uncle's business practices are ruthless and unpleasant. At the time, however, I felt differently.”

“Ah.” She murmured under her breath, sounding more resigned than anything.

“It didn't take much. A few words, my uncle's name thrown around a few times, and they were all on academic probation, and the student association was disbanded.” He admitted, trying to keep sentiment out of it. No excuses, no emotions. Give her all of the facts, let her decide for herself. “I had to uphold the family name, after all. For a time it worked. Cowed them. I had no real cause to do it, and everyone knew that, but no one dared say anything.”

She released his hand to get her keys, and he waited patiently as she unlocked the door, face still unreadable. It made him uncomfortable on a visceral level, so far from her usual animated expressions. When she opened the door for him, she didn't meet his eyes.

She knew, then.

“They retaliated, or...some of them did. Nothing that harmful. Graffiti on the fraternity house. It was...childish, perhaps, but not...” He paused at the bottom of the stairs as she started up them, and he watched her for a few moments before following. “My uncle asked what I was going to do. I told him I had no proof.”

She glanced once over her shoulder, eyes blank and flat, and then mounted the last stair and headed down the hall. He clenched his hand, already missing the warmth of hers, but she'd made no move to take his again.

He didn't blame her.

“He provided proof. I didn't ask where it came from.” He stood at the top of the stairs, watching her as she sorted through her keys. All he could do was hope her sister wasn't awake. That would make all of this worse. “I did as I was expected to do.”

“They were expelled. Every single one of them.” She remarked, confirming what he'd suspected. She knew, then. It had been too much to expect that she wouldn't, considering the unintended consequences of it all. “They were supposed to prove the program worked, you know. We were all counting on them. Doctors. Lawyers. Teachers...everything. They were supposed to make everything better.”

“I know.” He replied quietly, not quite knowing what else to say. “I...I know. I didn't know the consequences it would have. I...”

She shoved her key in the lock, and turned her gaze to him again, searching this time, penetrating. He couldn't lie to her. Not now.

“I didn't care.” He confessed to her, and she nodded, slowly. No surprise. “When the scholarship program was so abruptly canceled, when I realized the far-reaching repercussions of what I had done...it was like coming up for air when I'd been drowning. I had some sense kicked into me. By friends...I didn't deserve.”

She nodded again, opening the door and heading in. He could hear the shower once he passed the threshold, and a wave of relief broke over him. One confrontation that could be avoided. He closed the door and followed, as she paced through the apartment, heading to her bedroom.

What else could he do but follow after? She was still silent, drawing ahead and disappearing. Uncertainly, his steps slowed, and by the time he reached the doorway she was sitting in the chair at her worktable. Slowly he crossed to the bed, and sat down on the edge.

Minutes passed, as he shifted from staring at his hands to watching her. The quiet stretched on, her face still completely without expression, gaze turned inward. It was torturous. Eventually, he simply couldn't take it any more.

“Talk to me.” He begged, desperate for anything but the resounding silence coming from across the room as she stared blankly at the window. Blinking abruptly, she turned her gaze to him, staring as if she'd only just noticed he was there. “Ellana, please. Say something.”

“I...don't understand.” She finally admitted, eyes meeting his, no hiding or wavering. Whatever this was, it wasn't her vulnerability on display. “That doesn't make sense. It's not...you. How can...that. And this? How can both of them be you?”

“I've changed. I decided that wasn't who I wanted to be.” He admitted, quietly, dropping his head. It didn't escape his notice that this time it was him who couldn't meet her eyes. “What else can I tell you, Ellana? Everything else would be excuses.”

“Give them to me, then.” It wasn't a request, but a demand, as she rose from the chair and crossed the room, sitting on the edge of the bed near him. “I want to hear them all. I want to hear how you feel, so I can understand why, not just what. I know why you told me like that, but I need to hear why. Please, tell me why.”

It was uncomfortable, hearing her like this. Something so flat in her voice, eyes penetrating but giving away nothing. It hurt, on some visceral level, like she'd taken away the woman he loved and placed a barrier between them. It made him feel as if he'd hurt her, and that was agonizing. He couldn't say anything about it. The fact that she was listening at all was more than he deserved.

All he could give her was what she asked for.

“I...spent my whole life being nothing in my family's eyes. My uncle never wanted me. Mythal insisted I be adopted. They...it was always a competition, living in that household.” He began, memories wandering through his mind, old memories, hard memories. So many days spent completely ignored. Better not to wallow, just to explain as best he could. “Even attention was something it was expected you would fight for. Praise was even more grudgingly given.”

When she extended a hand to him, he took it, but felt ashamed. He had no right to. She simply clasped his hand in both of hers, eyes still steady on his face. He stared at her hands instead, unable to meet her stare. 

“I suppose... I was even more desperate because I came from such a disadvantage. We wanted for nothing. In so many ways, that only made it harder for my cousins, I think.” Again, he felt a touch of shame as her hands caressed his, bringing life and warmth to chilled fingers. “We all wanted approval, but when they would fail, someone would be there to pick them back up again, unlike me...Until he went to college, I don't think Falon'din had a single grade that wasn't...adjusted for him.”

She made a small sound of disgust, and a faint laugh escaped him, chagrined agreement. There was no humor in it.

“None of them learned what it meant to try. They were given goals, but no tools to reach it, and I...I tried to be what they were not. When they failed at something, I would immediately try to succeed at it, just to prove that I could.” It was difficult, but it had all been difficult, and he could hardly stop now. “Eventually I did. I...did everything they would not, I reached for the goals they did not care for, and suddenly I was the one with expectations on his head.”

“You won.” She offered, and he sighed, nodding his head slowly.

“I...won. I had the grades, I got into the school, into the program. The one my uncle had, following in his footsteps. I won. Suddenly I mattered. I had never mattered before.” This time she was silent, and his eyes met hers again, unreadable. “I became insufferable. Completely insufferable. I won't lie about that. I...had what I'd always wanted. My uncle cared about my existence. Mythal was proud of me. My cousins were jealous of me.”

“And so when this happened...” Her voice was guarded yet, but he couldn't blame her for that.

“I mentioned the protests in passing, and my uncle asked what I was going to 'do about it'. It was a challenge. He asked if I was going to let them treat us like this. Us. It was the first time he had ever used that word with me.” He admitted, and then shook his head. He couldn't make her think he was a victim in this. He was not. “The choice, however, was mine. I was the one who made it. I was the one who threw his name around. I was the one who ultimately had them thrown out, it was...all me, vhenan. I can't lie to you about that. The fact that my uncle orchestrated the cancellation of the program afterwards...ultimately that is my fault as well.”

The silence this time was softer, perhaps because her face wasn't quite so distant. Still blank, but more gentle, her face tired instead of angry.

“Thank you for not lying to me.” She murmured, hands curling around his, gently squeezing. He closed his eyes as the pressure was withdrawn, and she released his hand. “I need a minute to go talk to Mira. Will you stay?”

“As long as you will have me.” He replied simply, too shocked to say anything else. He knew it wasn't what she was asking, and yet...

The bed shifted as she rose, and he heard her quietly crossing the floor. He heard the bedroom door open, and then close, and he leaned back with a long sigh. Somehow his chest was lighter, and heavier all at once.

This wasn't his Ellana, his sweet, impulsive, bright and effortlessly charming heart. It hurt so much that he'd made her withdraw like this. All he could do was hope, hope that somehow she'd find a way to forgive him.

He should have never hid it from her.

 

 

She didn't think she'd ever felt so calm in her life. At least not without it being fake, somehow. Maybe when she'd heard mom had died, she'd sort of felt like this then, but then there'd been grief. This wasn't quite the same, but it was. She was weirdly at peace, mind already moving on to make decisions. Little pieces, clicked into place. It was sort of a relief that he wasn't perfect after all. It was probably a bad thing that what she wanted was to hold him until he stopped looking so sad, but she could afford to be a little protective. When was the last time someone had tried to protect him without wanting something from him?

Had anyone ever?

She just had to find a way to make this...him that he'd told her about, this person that he'd been...she had to understand how that matched up with the man she knew. How someone like him could do something like that. She had to know he wasn't a lie. Right now it didn't make enough sense. It was hard to be angry at him, when it didn't even remotely sound like something he would do. It felt like he was talking about someone else.

It sounded like another person, another life. She wished her brain could be sensible about it, blame him for what he'd done, but it just didn't match up. 

She was angry at someone who didn't exist.

Mira was sitting on the couch, and shot to her feet as she closed the door, eyes searching her face. She managed a smile for her, but it was strained. She didn't really have the energy to push it any further. Not while preparing herself for what she'd have to do. Not while being so exhausted.

“Ellie, I'm so...” She started, and then sighed and moved into the hug as Ellana opened her arms to her. “I didn't want to tell you.”

“You did the right thing, even if you were probably a dick about it, knowing you.” She assured, giving her a comforting rub on the back as her big little sister curled over her. “It was something he had to tell me himself. I'm...gonna need you to find somewhere to hang out for tonight. Is that too much to ask? You can go to Leandra's, maybe?”

“Why...would I need to?” Mira asked, pulling back a little, staring down into her face. She knew that face. Hopefully there wouldn't be yelling. “You're not letting him stay, are you?”

“Yeah, I am, for now. You need to cool down, and I need to figure this out.” She replied, and spoke over the inevitable protest. “You can trust me or not. Your choice, Mir. I don't blame you a bit if you don't. We can talk about it when I've worked my way through it a bit better, but not yet. I don't want to explain this to you right now.”

“You're not making any fucking sense!” Mira protested, and she flinched a little at the shout, watching as she turned away, throwing her arms up. Not unexpected. “He is literally evil! What he did...”

“Was wrong.” She agreed simply, still bound up in that weird calm. Part of it was being tired, maybe, and the rest of it was just that everyone else was so upset. That always made her shut down into 'deal with it' mode. “It was wrong. And he knows that. You have...no idea how bad his family is. None. You have no idea what they did to them. I barely know myself. I need to understand before I can decide.”

“I...Ellie!” Mira protested, and she squeezed her hands, offering a faint smile. It just got her a scowl. “Ellie, this isn't like you. Just...you don't need him, okay? Whatever is going on, you don't need him. You can do better, you can find someone...”

“I don't. You're right. I've never needed anyone.” It sort of hurt her to say it, and it made Mira flinch, which was the part that made her feel worse. “I...I don't need you to understand. That sounds shitty, but you know what I mean. I don't need you to understand. And I don't need your approval.”

If anybody'd get her, it'd be Mira. Understand how she thought, how stuff came out of her mouth. For a second her sister looked like she was about to shout, but finally she sighed, and nodded.

“I know.” Mira admitted, and Ellie let out a faint sigh, shoulders sagging. “I'm pissed, and I hate him, and if you forgive him for this I'm going to be pretty fucking angry at you. Like, serious family strife angry. Which sucks because you're all I've got.”

“I know.” She echoed, with a faint smile, fading almost instantly. “But I don't think I even have the right to say I'm going to forgive him, because this isn't even about me. So no, I'm probably not going to forgive him. But I might understand him. He'll have to decide for himself if forgiveness is something he wants to work for, because it's sure not me he wronged.”

“There's no way to make up for what he did.” Mira snapped, and she sighed, releasing her hands. “Fine. Fine, Ellie. I'll call Anders or something, okay? But I'll be back in the morning, and we're talking about this.”

“Thank you.” She replied simply, nodding. It was the best she was going to get. Right now she should probably head back to the bedroom or something.

Reassure him.

Instead she went and took a shower. It didn't help clear her head, but it got her clean. That was really all it needed to do. By the time she got out, Mira had headed out. She was grateful for that, the last thing she needed was her little sister getting on his case even more. Steeling herself, she rolled her shoulders back and padded on bare feet back to the bedroom, tucking the towel a little tighter around her chest. 

When she pushed the door open, he was still sitting on the bed, turning his attention to her immediately, worriedly. She felt bad he was worried on some level, but on another level couldn't bring herself to care. It was...whatever. He watched her cross to the dresser in silence, the weight of his stare on her back as she dropped the towel and tugged open a drawer. She could worry about picking up laundry later.

“Did you sleep?” She finally asked, voice sounding a little distant even to her. 

“Not really.” He replied quietly, as she tugged on underwear and then fished out a t-shirt. “Restlessly.”

“Set an alarm for four?” She glanced over her shoulder, meeting his gaze. “What time is dinner?”

“Seven.” He replied simply, watching her with some tentative nervousness. “You would like me to stay?”

“Yeah.” She replied, the whole...clusterfuck of a weekend seeped into her bones by now, weighing down every step to the bed. And it wasn't even over yet. “But I'm coming with you tonight. You need to show me. I need to understand. Right now it's just...surreal, and I can't quite figure it out.”

“I...” She watched his face as she sat on the edge of the bed, all of the conflict flitting across his features before he managed to speak again. He really didn't like that. “I cannot think of a way to refuse you that seems reasonable. You know how many more problems this could create.” 

“You gave me a chance.” She pulled back the blanket as he turned his gaze to her, not meeting his eyes. “You knew how I was and you've been patient with me, and you gave me a chance. No, it's not anywhere near the...same thing, but nothing I know about you tells me you're that person, so...I'm giving you a chance. And to do that I need to understand.”

He stared at her as she slipped under the covers, sinking in gratefully. Holy shit, it felt so good to be in bed. She should stay awake, they should talk. There should be more talking. After everything he'd told her, she shouldn't crawl into bed with him, but it was what she wanted. She'd suffered enough the last few days.

“I'm not certain I deserve that...” He began, and she gave a long, tired sigh. She didn't want to hear him being guilty. “...Now is not the time. I can go lie down on the couch, v...Ellana.”

“Stop it. Stop self-flagellating, there'll be time for that later, Solas.” She demanded, voice a little grouchy as she yanked at the blanket he was sitting on. “The only reason you should be leaving this room is if you want to right now. So just...stop...please. It's been a long weekend and all I want is you and sleep, and this isn't me ignoring what you did, okay? I just...I'm too tired. So if you need to go feel upset somewhere else, go ahead. Otherwise, take off your shoes and pants and come to bed, please...”

She could barely think enough to form words right now, already starting to drift off as her head hit the pillow, and he rose with a shift and creak of the mattress. She let her eyes close, but she forced her mind to stay awake as he no doubt wrestled with himself for a bit. Finally there was some faint noises, and then the bed sagged again as he settled back down, a brief flutter of cold air as he slipped under the blanket with her. 

He hesitated before sliding his arms around her, and she made it easier by burrowing in, his grip instantly tightening. Maybe a little tighter than necessary, but she didn't protest as he clutched her to his chest, her head settling under his chin, cheek nestled against him. She let out a heavy sigh, tucking her feet around his legs to try and warm up her chilled toes. He was so warm.

“Go to sleep, vhenan.” He murmured, and she made a vague sound of agreement, trying to push away the desperation in the fingers that twisted themselves into the back of her shirt. 

It hurt a little how afraid he was to lose her. She wasn't ready to accept that. It was just too much.

“Alarm?” She mumbled faintly, and she felt him nod.

“Set.” He confirmed, and then breathed in heavily. “Ellana, I l...”

Gently she pressed her hand to his lips, silencing him. After a few moments he closed his mouth, sighing against her fingertips. She was nearly asleep when she felt him nod, and as her hand dropped she passed out at last. 

She'd earned it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It wasn't the fingers tracing the edge of her jaw that drew her out of sleep, or even the light kiss on her lips, but the vague sense that she'd overslept. That moment penetrated swiftly, a stab of panic from a brain that insisted there was somewhere she was supposed to be. The abrupt intake of breath startled him, as her eyes blearily forced themselves open, casting about desperately before settling on his. 

“...late for work.” She mumbled, and he chuckled faintly, shaking his head a little with relief. 

Breathing in through her nose, she lifted a hand to wipe her eyes, closing them for a moment.

“It's Sunday.” He murmured, and she let out a sigh, relaxing. “It's just a little past four. Another hour of sleep wouldn't be the worst idea, vhenan.”

“If I sleep more than eight hours I turn into a slug.” She muttered, as her brain slowly returned to reality, and everything came flooding back. She knew he could see it in her eyes, his smile turning a little sad. “I'm still here.”

She felt like she had to remind him of it, because he seemed like he was waiting for her to push him out of bed or something. His gaze remained intent, but he nodded, backs of his fingers stroking down her cheek, thumb nudging under her lower lip.

“I wish you would stop looking at me like I'm about to run away.” She groaned, feeling a bit more processed after her sleep. All the new stuff had found places in her mind to settle, at least for now. “Is something bothering you?”

“This was not...the reaction I was expecting.” He admitted, and she gave a faint laugh, closing her eyes. “I cannot tell what you're thinking, and I suppose it bothers me. I expected you to be angry, to...”

“What, shout and scream and call you names?” She asked, and he cleared his throat, glancing aside as she let her eyes flutter open again. “That's not how I deal with stuff. That's how my sister and mom deal with stuff. I'm the one who gets things done while they do. I don't think I could do anything worse to you than you probably do to yourself, anyways. Just...tell me one thing.”

“Anything.” He promised simply.

“I know you...regret it all. At least you regret that it's...affecting stuff. I guess I just need to know that you really understand why and how fucked up it really was.” She wasn't saying this right, and she sighed in frustration, rubbing her forehead. “I guess I just need to hear about how you...I don't know, changed your mind, or whatever. If you actually feel bad about it.”

“I do.” He replied instantly, maybe a little defensively, but she didn't blame him. She was pretty blunt, but to be fair, she'd just woken up. “I can...it will be a bit of a story, which I think might be the best way to explain it.”

“In that case, I'll go brush my teeth and stuff first.” She decided, and he nodded, beginning to sit up. “Hey. Stop a second.”

“Hmmh?” Resting his weight on an arm, he turned his attention back to her, eyes still darkened.

“Hug.” She demanded, opening her arms. “I think we both need one.”  
She'd expected him to lean back over her, but he scooped her up instead, legs draping across his lap as he tugged her in, sitting back. Burrowing in, she let out a sigh against his shoulder as his arms wrapped around her tightly, a hand cradling the back of her head. Closing her eyes, she let her hands spread out across his back, feeling it shift as he breathed in and then exhaled. It took a few seconds, but eventually he started to relax, the hand on her back idly running up and down, t-shirt rumpling under his fingers.

“Oh man...” She abruptly declared as a thought insinuated itself, a faint laugh escaping her lips to spill against his skin. “So...you had a thing for me before I kissed you. That must have been...really confusing for you.”

She could feel him laugh before she heard it, low and intimate, and a lot more pleasantly relaxed than before. It made her feel better. She hated leaving him tense, but it seemed like it was sort of unavoidable. He didn't really like how she closed up to deal with stuff, but she needed her time to sort it all out in her head. He preferred sharing and working it out loud, it seemed like.

“It was...worrying.” He admitted, voice still holding the vestiges of his chuckle. “I was starting to believe at some point that your habit of lowering your chin just a little to brush hair behind your ear was specifically designed to drive me mad.”

“That is a weird thing to focus on.” She murmured, still quite comfortably sunken into the hug, in no hurry to break it. This was...nice. Refilling the batteries, so to speak. “Any particular reason?”

“You have particularly beautiful ears, and a rather alluring way of looking up through your eyelashes. It is...incredibly distracting.” He chuckled again at her little 'hmmh', a bit more humor in it this time. “Ah, I have given you another weapon in your arsenal. As if you needed another.”

“Well, to be fair, all you have to do is open your mouth to turn me into a stupid, mindless puddle, so I have to have some way of defending myself. Never heard someone call ears 'beautiful' before, though.” She muttered, fighting back the surge of embarrassment, though he could no doubt feel it as she snuggled in a little tighter, his fingers stroking lazily through her hair. “I did sort of notice the butt thing pretty quickly.”

“I...doubt you noticed as quickly as you might think.” He replied with a hint of embarrassment, and she laughed, trailing a hand up to the back of his neck. “If you insist upon...mmh...I do believe I was...talking...but I cannot...

The end was a mumble, as her fingers pressed in against his neck and massaged, finding all that tension he'd been saving up. There was a lot of it. But she was supposed to be getting up, and they were supposed to be talking. She was pretty sure of that. And there was no way this was going to be turning into anything more...she had to sort this all out.

But he seemed to need this.

“Hey.” She murmured, and he gave a faint 'hmh?' in the back of his throat. She could feel herself tensing, getting uncomfortable, but she powered through it. “Let me up. I can give you a proper back rub while we talk. Just...I don't want to have to...to say no, so. You know. Things aren't...sorry...things aren't okay yet. Not completely okay, so...”

He pulled back as her hands stilled, gazing down into her face. This time he seemed a little less worried, a bit more relaxed. The hug had worked, then. Reassured him a bit. Either that or her threatening to turn into a mess made him step up. If so, good. It would be good to know that they could balance each other like that.

“I will wait for you to initiate anything, when and if you decide you are ready.” He promised, and she smiled awkwardly. Good, he understood, then. “The absolute last thing I want, vhenan, is for you to do anything you're uncomfortable with.”

“I...I guess I just need...to figure you out again, is all.” She murmured, and then shrugged, leaning in to kiss his cheek before untangling herself. He released her, and she slipped off of the bed. “Or figure me out. You know. Do some figuring. Kick some asses.”

“It's Sunday dinner, not a duel for my honor.” He informed her as she headed for the bedroom door, chuckling faintly as she gave a faint 'pfft'. “I'm quite serious.”

“So am I.” She informed him, before slipping out. “Maybe it's both.”

 

 

On her way back from the bathroom she found her phone where she'd left it in the living room. Low battery, but full of messages. Mira had told Anders, then. Great. Yeah, no, she wasn't going to get dragged into justifying what he'd done or defending him. She'd figure this all out, figure where she stood on it, and then when they were ready to talk and not crusade, she'd talk. Mira was still high on self-righteousness, from the sounds of it, and was dragging Anders with her.

She loved her sister, but holy shit. Sometimes she was so much like mom it was painful. So much black and white, the minor fits of histrionics. At least she was more self aware. She needed to get into the real world, though. She was growing up faster than her worldview, it felt like. She was one of those people who needed the world to open up her brain. She was all opinions and energy, with no...no perspective.

Still staring at her phone, she wandered back into the bedroom, feeling the gaze on her skin. It was more than just 'looking at her', she noticed when her attention flickered up from the screen, and she quirked a brow.

“What?”

“I know I owe you more, but I simply have to ask...” He started, and she gestured with her phone, moving to kneel on the edge of the bed. “How has this not frightened you away, vhenan? Of all things, this should be what...”

“Dealing with shit is my specialty. I'm good in a crisis. Being left alone in my own head is what fucks me up, you know that.” She replied, and he made a vague sound of agreement, but still seemed uncertain. “Waiting for the rug to be pulled out? I guess I see that. It's...not that I'm saying I need any more horrible revelations about your past, but...I can handle this. I'm also not saying it'll end up the way either of us want, I don't know that yet.”

“You make it sound so final. As if this is some form of...judgment awaiting that I have no control over.” He sighed, and she twisted her lips to the side in a grimace. Okay, maybe it was a bit like that. “Whatever you decide, at least give me a chance. That is all I ask. I am not willing to give you up without a fight.”

That made her grin, awkwardly, giving a small shake of her head as she glanced down and aside. He was...ridiculous. Her thumb rubbed over the screen of her phone, and she finally turned it off, nodding slowly.

“Sure. Okay. All right, tell me your story.” She rose again to go plug in her phone as he gathered his thoughts, ignoring the message as it popped up, though she couldn't help but scan the preview. “Oh, for fuck's sake, Mira.”

“Is everything all right?”

“Yeah, yeah. We've just gone from 'everything is terrible and your boyfriend is terrible' to 'I guess I'll just go home if you don't care'...She'll be fine. She always calms down eventually, and we already agreed we'd talk tomorrow.” She replied, pushing it out of her head as she turned back to the bed. “Being a teenager is a terrible burden. She always has text-tantrums.”

“I feel an urge to say something, but I have the feeling that perhaps it would be about as sensible as...what was that turn of the phrase Sera had everyone using?” He asked as she settled behind him, giving a small tug to his shirt. “Ellana, you don't have to.”

“Sticking your dick in a beehive. I think you knew that, and you just wanted me to say it so you didn't have to.” She gave another tug to his shirt and he relented, letting her pull it over his head and toss it aside. Comfortable sitting back on her heels, she admired his back for a few moments, smiling lopsidedly. “I know I don't have to. I know lots of stuff you seem to think has escaped me.”

He went silent as she returned her hands to his neck, and she felt no need to break the quiet. Carefully at first, she massaged, but increased the pressure when he made no sounds of protest. It took him maybe thirty seconds to start talking, and she waited. It was nice to be able to wait, with nothing looming for a few hours. Next Sunday, though. Next Sunday she wasn't getting out of bed. Or off the couch.

“After everything...happened, the approval from my uncle didn't do much, I'll be quite honest. Before, it had been everything I wanted, and when I managed to attain it...well, the victory was rather hollow this time.” He admitted at long last, voice a little slow, breathing in slightly as her hands drifted down and she found a knot in his shoulder. She was as gentle as she could be with it, carefully increasing the pressure. “Possibly because of Cassandra. We were friends, but perhaps peripheral in each other's lives until that point.”

“Cassandra seems like she could kick some asses.” She mentioned, and felt him chuckle silently, muscles tightening under her fingers. 

“A...fraternity brother of mine had recently had some less than pleasant revelations about his own life. They both reached out to me at the same time.” His voice slowed again, but she stayed patient, letting him work through it as she worked on the tension in his back. Not like it was a hardship to get her hands on him. “I suppose you could say it was an intervention. A well-needed one. I didn't have anyone else in my life willing to tell me that I'd done something wrong. I was already working on burying my own guilt.”

“So you're saying that maybe you always knew it was wrong, but...basically were surrounded by assholes?” She asked, and he nodded, very slightly. “Well, that sounds more like you to me, I guess.”

“It was still entirely my choice, and I chose self-righteous anger over understanding. I chose every step of the way.” He reminded her, and she gave a faintly exasperated sigh. “What?”

“I am aware. I know that you did something wrong, Solas.” She squeezed his shoulders lightly, and shook him a few times, punctuating her words. “I know, I know, I knoooooow. Stop it!”

“I am simply trying...” He started, and then sighed heavily as she gave him another little shake, relaxing when she went back to massaging, moving down to his lower back. “You are right. I apologize. I wasn't ready to make the changes necessary, but they opened my eyes enough that I began...to see how toxic my situation was.”

“It can be hard to go back once you've opened your eyes.” She interjected, and he gave a faint noise of agreement that turned into a small groan as she massaged the inward curve of his back in slow circles. “You carry a lot of tension down here. Might want to look into getting better shoes.”

It seemed they couldn't really talk and do this at the same time, because she kept turning off his brain. Eventually she let up, wrapping her arms around him from behind, resting her cheek on his shoulder blade. He let out a faint sigh, resting a hand over hers.

“It was difficult. The guilt was almost enough to push me back again, just to avoid it. But...I was not alone. I suppose that is what saved me from falling again. That, and...” He laughed, but there wasn't any humor in it. “I spent a month thinking about what I had done, agonizing over it, pondering over it from every angle I had ignored. I spent more nights than I'd care to admit bothering Cassandra and Sebastian with every new revelation I had about my life up to that point.”

“It was good of them to be there for you while you ripped off all those bandaids. Sounds like it was pretty rough, looking at thing straight on like that.” She felt him tense a little, and she reminded him, quietly, “Don't correct me again because you don't want me going easy on you. I'm not. I told you to stop that.”

“Mmh...It wasn't entirely one sided, I admit. Less so for Cassandra, but as I said, Sebastian was dealing with some issues himself. We...helped one another through it. Enough so that a trip home...” He paused then, and she could hear the frown even if she couldn't see it. The murmur of his voice against her ear was rather nice, though, soothing. Maybe she'd have to be the big spoon more often. “Let us just say that my new view of the world made that visit particularly unflattering. I realized quite a lot about my family that I hadn't before. I...realized I was becoming like my uncle. I started to wonder how long it would be before I couldn't even feel guilt any more.”

“Ouch.” She murmured sympathetically, arms hugging a little tighter. He didn't like it, and he was going to keep not liking it, but she didn't care. He didn't have to keep hammering the point home. She knew what he'd done. “Bit of a...dam bursting?”

“It was. I'd like to say I turned everything around then and there, but I was...have you heard of the sunk cost fallacy?” At her vague sound of denial, he continued. “It is the idea that continuing to do something because you have put so much time, energy, money...into it is irrational. But...well, to not continue feels like a waste of what you have already spent.”

“You didn't quit school.” She supplied, and felt him nod a little. “I guess for something so big, it probably felt pretty impossible to give up.”

“Two more years.” He confessed, and then laughed humorlessly. “I wasted two more years of my life doing something I had no interest in, letting the resentment build. It took another intervention, quite honestly. I'd gone from being an arrogant ass to being a miserable, brooding...well. Cassandra is a very tolerant friend.”

“She had faith in you. She didn't give up on you. That's pretty awesome.” She agreed, quite content. She'd known Cassandra was cool. She had good judgment about stuff like that. She would not, however, inflict Carver on her. “I will share her with you.”

“Thank you, vhenan, you are very kind.” He replied, and then chuckled at her faint agreement. “Is there anything else you feel you should know?”

“Not right now. Now we have to mentally prepare for tonight.” She responded firmly. “Because...first of all. You are not changing my mind, so let's get that out there now. I have decided that this is important to me, and since you want this to work out, I need you to respect that.”

“Yes, Ellana.” He replied, a bit too meekly for her taste. Ugh, it drove her nuts what a number they'd done on him. He had to find a way to break out of this shit. “As long as...”

“I will not be deliberately antagonistic, but you had better fucking believe I will not let myself be stepped on.” She promised, hands tightening together, hugging him closer. “And I don't want to see you do that either. I am there to support you. I meant it when I said that. Before it made more sense for me not to go because...stuff...but now I need to, so I need you to understand that...okay, so some stuff isn't perfect...”

She was getting off on a tangent, but he was listening, gently untangling her arms from around him so he could turn and pull her around. It was easy to slip up against him, especially considering he wasn't wearing a shirt. His chest was warm against her cheek, and she let out a sigh against his skin.

“No, everything's not okay. But you fucking dragged me into this, and I'm still here, so...you have what you wanted, okay? It's an us thing. And...and...” Fuck, there she went. Ugh, she didn't want to do this, not now. 

She closed her eyes tightly as he freed a hand, reaching for the blanket and tugging it protectively over her head. Stupid thoughtful Solas, putting up with her weirdness. Dealing with her being incompetent and strange without complaint. Stupid, thoughtful, sweet...she fucking hated them. That was all there was to it.

She fucking hated his stupid family for making him feel like his stupid self was worth less or whatever it was that had made him do something so damn crummy. Yes, she knew he was responsible, yes, she knew he'd done something bad. He wouldn't let her forget it. And here he was, pulling a blanket over her head just so she could hold a functional conversation with him.

 

“I need you to respect...I guess...I need you to respect yourself. I need...you to respect my boyfriend, the...the other half of this thing...” Ugh, this was so fucking hard, like every word she had to drag out of her throat individually. When she finished, though, it was in a rush. “Because you got what you fucking wanted, so now you have to prove to me that you really do want it to be us. Okay? We're standing up together, we are going to expect to be treated with respect. I...I need you to not let me down. Even if that means that we stand up and walk away when you feel them getting to you.”

“That...that is a lot to ask of me.” He finally replied, quietly. His arms tightened around her, her cheek nuzzling against his bare chest. “It is not that I don't wish to, vhenan, it's simply that...that is not how it works.”

“It is now.” She replied, flatly. “I'm sacrificing a lot to stick with you right now. Mira is going to make my life hell, some of my friends probably are, too. I may not seem very Dalish to you, but...I still am. You've gotta prove that you've changed. That I can count on you. How can I trust you'll stand up for me if you can't stand up to them?”

“I realize that. You know I am grateful you're giving me a chance.” He replied quickly, a little too placatingly for her taste. “But the easiest way to get through these dinners is to simply...let things go. I know you would prefer to...make a statement, but...”

“You're missing the fucking point.” She groaned, trying to be patient and failing utterly. “This is about you understanding that I need you to respect yourself. They've intruded into our lives, invaded our privacy. Do you want it to be us together or not? Because I don't have a doormat fetish, Solas, and I know that's not you.”

“Yes. I do.” He sighed, arms so tight now that it was getting a little uncomfortable. When she squirmed, he let up a little. “I...do.”

“Then guess what? Tonight we start setting boundaries. We're not going to go in there aggressively demanding respect. We're just gonna expect it, and act like it.” Feeling a bit better, she pulled down the blanket to peek up into his worried, conflicted face. “C'mon, it'll be fun. We'll make a game out of it. You'll learn the fine art of not giving a fuck. It'll be glorious.”

“How...are you so calm about this?” He laughed faintly, exasperated and fond. “This is going to be a complete, unmitigated disaster.”

“Yeah, probably.” She agreed, and then smiled, leaning up to poke her nose against his. “But I've got your back. Hey, confidence is sexy. And I know you've got it, you always have. It's one of the things I like about you. Just...you know. Don't let them take it away from you. Fuck. Stop letting them take anything away from you.”

“Is it too late to book a flight out of the country?” He asked ruefully, leaning down to kiss her forehead as she made a disgusted face. “I am joking. Very well. You are right. I suppose if I am not prepared to cut them fully from my life, I need to start expecting the treatment I deserve.”

“You're damn right.” She replied firmly, nodding twice. “Besides, if your aunt really is on your side, maybe she'll keep it from blowing up in our faces?”

“Perhaps.” He replied without much confidence, and then murmured quietly, “...Thank you, vhenan.”

“Oh, sugartits...” She laughed, patting his arm as he shook his head at her, hiding a smile. “Don't thank me yet.”

Now that she'd gotten through to him, well...she just had to make sure she lived up to her end of it.

Fuck it. Who did they think they were, anyways?

 

They had no idea what they were in for.


	15. Chapter 15

“Okay, so...” She decided, still scanning her phone as he glanced over at the red light. “The internet knows a lot about this. So let's see. I don't think either of us can really pull off a 'bless your heart'...How do you feel about 'who says that'?”

“Hmmh...I don't think so. Are you sure this is necessary?” He replied, glancing down and aside again. She resisted the urge to tug down her skirt again. “It still seems rather unfair that beauty like this has to be shared with my family.”

“You're not getting out of this that easily. You're the one who told me that dressing up was expected.” She pointed out drily, ignoring the fact that her ears felt rather hot. “And I do not look beautiful, I look less ridiculous than usual, which is hardly the same thing. I think stony silence might have to be your thing. I might go with repetition. Say something terrible. Pretend you're Falon'din.”

The distraction kept him from commenting further on her dress, which she'd found somewhere in the back of her closet. Again, didn't quite fit. She really needed to remember to hit the three squares a day, it was not doing her boobs any favors to lose weight. She'd had to put on her helper bra. But then she'd put on a cardigan over it, because there was no way in hell she'd be around Andruil and Falon'din with freaking cleavage.

“I would rather not pretend to be Falon'din.” He replied, eyes on the road, and then sighed heavily at the glare she bored into the side of his head. She knew he could feel it. She was thinking it really hard. “Very well. 'Hey baby, you should ditch that loser and come look at all of my high school football trophies. They are the apex of my achievements, as I have done absolutely nothing with my life, and have no redeeming qualities.'”

The deadpan voice was what broke her, and she started laughing, clutching her phone to her chest, shoulders shaking. He somehow maintained a straight face as she slumped, seat belt digging in.

“Stop it! I'm serious!” She scolded laughingly, and he glanced sidelong for a moment and lifted an eyebrow. “You are being bitchy.”

“Then perhaps I should pretend to be Dirthamen instead.” He suggested, barely hiding a smile as she collapsed into mirth again, flailing a hand in front of her face. “It is good to hear you laugh.”

“If you make me tear up, you'll ruin my makeup, and then where will we be?” She finally gasped out, blinking rapidly, letting out a little sigh. “You are impossible. I just want to be prepared!”

“Be yourself, that is all I could ever ask of you. You help immensely simply by being in my life, vhenan.” He only smiled at the disagreeable look she gave him, giving a small shake of his head. “I am not pleased you've insisted on coming, but I am surprised at how good it feels not to be facing them alone. That is all.”

“Words aren't just words to me. I don't say them unless I mean them.” She replied firmly, ignoring the parts of it that would probably turn her into a mess right now. She needed to not be a mess. Reaching over, she gently rested a hand on his thigh, giving a little squeeze. “You and me, right? And if they disrespect one of us...”

“Yes.” He agreed, giving her hand a brief caress. “Together. I will do my best to remember.”

That was enough to get her through the rest of the car ride, though she didn't give up on her internet research, much to his amusement. She just wasn't that great at the whole...polite but firm thing. She could do blunt and honest, she could do chirpy waitress polite, but she'd never really learned how to do the classy no-nonsense shutdown. It was helping! She just had to...remember in the moment.

“Hmmh...how interesting...” She murmured idly under her breath, trying to get the cadence right. Ugh. She couldn't do aloof. Maybe she'd have to leave it to him. “Thank you for your...”

She glanced up as he cleared his throat, blinking as he turned into the drive, and...woah.

“Umh...intimidated.” It wasn't what she'd meant to say, but it was all she could think of at the moment, staring up the massive driveway at the even more massive house. Big house. Big...fancy house.

Big, fancy...scary house. All huge and starkly white and...why would anyone need that many columns? They weren't even holding anything up except more decorative shit. Who needed that many garages? Their driveway was like a billion feet long. Why did they need a gate?

“Shit.” She muttered under her breath, and he shook his head at her. “What?”

“There is absolutely nothing contained in those walls that could even hope to hold a candle to you.” He informed her, and she scoffed, crossing her arms and sinking back in her seat. “I'm being honest. Money makes neither interesting, nor pleasant people. If anything, it inhibits those qualities.”

“I'm interesting and pleasant, huh?” She replied, trying to make a joke of it. He was being...awfully complimentary. She didn't know if it was him trying to keep her from being nervous, or if he was trying to butter her up because he knew she still wasn't settled. “Well, I do try, at least.”

“You are fascinating. You always have been to me.” He replied, smiling at her faint scoff. As the car paused at the gate, he caught her cheek, and she willingly turned her head, though she couldn't help the slight roll of her eyes to the side. “Why are you so irritated with me, vhenan?”

“The complimenting is getting a little heavy-handed.” She pointed out in response, and he gave a faint 'ah' under his breath. “If you're trying to get me to relax, you know that's the completely wrong way to go about it.”

“I'm worried about you.” He confessed, turning his attention back to the drive as the gate opened. Ugh. Big giant house full of assholes, incoming. “This is not something I wanted to subject you to. The idea that they might...treat you poorly is upsetting me.”

“Worry about yourself.” She replied absently, and when his jaw tightened, she paused a moment to repeat her own words back to herself. “I meant that me-way, not someone else way. I mean...I meant that...”

“I understand. I know you don't want me to protect you.” He smiled faintly at her sigh of relief, shaking his head. “I will not go jumping to your defense at the inevitable rudeness, but I will not stand by and allow it, either.”

“Well, I guess we're on the same page, because that goes for you, too.” She replied firmly, staring down the house as it approached. The intimidation was still there, but maybe the compliments were helping on some level. “...Trial by fire, here we go.”

“We'll be gone by nine, I promise you that. One way or another, no more than two hours.” He parked behind a particularly ugly, boxy SUV with dealer's plates still on, giving a small shake of his head at the sight of it. “I wonder how much that monstrosity cost.”

“More than it should have.” She replied blithely, tucking her phone in her purse and shoving both under the seat. “Also? I can stress drink, so if you notice I'm going at it a bit hard, give me a nudge.”

“Yes, I'm aware. Leliana knows about the shots Dorian passes you.” He informed her, and she grinned, slipping out of the car and adjusting her skirt. “She tells me that you always pay for them, and you never get drunk, and so I should ignore it.”

“I sort of run on nerves at work, which I know you've noticed.” She joked, giving herself one last once-over and then taking his offered hand as he stepped around to join her. Their fingers twisted together, his warm and secure, and he gave her a light tug. “And I'm not surprised. Leliana sees everything. It's sorta spooky sometimes. You look handsome too, by the way. Green suits you.”

“Thank you.” He murmured, hand tightening a little in hers as they wandered up the walk towards the front door. “It may be tense from the start, just so you've been warned. Dinner at seven means they expected us here at five thirty.”

“So why didn't they say dinner at five thirty?” She asked, and then when he just shrugged, gave a small laugh. “Right. Well, that's dumb, and it's six fourty five, so technically we're still early. Thank you for sparing me from being here any more early.”

He didn't respond, so she just leaned against his arm as they walked, keeping herself relaxed. She wasn't surprised to feel him getting more and more tense, which made it much easier for her to not. Yep. Kinda felt like a seesaw. She had a feeling that if she started getting upset, he'd have her back, and that was a pretty damn good feeling. At least right now. Later she'd probably find some way to freak out about it.

Honestly, at this point, she really wasn't entirely sure what she was hoping to get out of tonight. She'd know it when she saw it. Just...some sort of sign that what he'd done...could never happen again, she supposed. It was shitty, what he'd done. And Mira was probably right that there would never be a way to make up for it. But, sometimes...that was how shit went.

If she knew he'd never become that person again, she'd feel a whole lot better about all of this.

His grip was almost uncomfortably tight as he led her up the steps, and she tucked her other hand over his, giving it a little squeeze. He managed a smile down for her before knocking on the front door. Who needed a door that big, really? Everything about the damn house seemed designed to freaking cow a person, which, the more she thought about the less she felt intimidated. Mostly she was just pissed now. Feeling spicy.

Fuck them, she wasn't gonna be intimidated. He thought she was charming? Fine, she'd charm. If only she could figure out how to do it when she was trying to.

The person that let them in didn't seem interested in actually talking, or doing anything besides opening the door. She wondered if that was normal. Should she say hi? Solas didn't, so she didn't. He just nodded. He also didn't take off his shoes, which sort of weirded her out. She followed suit because, well, he knew better than her. It was still weird, though.

Everything was sort of...

“So your sister is going home on Thursday?” He asked her, startling her out of her internal thoughts as they passed by the rather huge staircase to a door across the foyer. This was a foyer, right? “Will she need a ride to the airport?”

Why would he think that Mira would...? Oh! He smiled faintly at the wry look she gave him.

“Doubtful. She had Alistair pick her up. I mean, she didn't even tell me when she was getting in, so I doubt she doesn't have someone to take her back.” She replied, some of the tension in her shoulders easing. The room he led her into had no apparent purpose beyond holding couches that looked like they'd never been sat on. “I'll ask tomorrow, though, if she feels like talking and not just yelling.”

“Yes. She...is very emphatic.” He replied dryly, and she laughed, shaking her head as they followed the sounds of bickering coming from the next room over. “Not that I would know anything about what it is like to live with people who are difficult to manage.”

“No, not at all!” She laughed, and this time she could tell they were both relaxing, sharing a small, private smile as they walked in together. The bickering got quiet, but right now she didn't really care, because she'd decided to take a moment to admire just how freaking gorgeous her boyfriend was. Not too long, though, or she'd start wanting to pull him down. “She'll cool off, don't worry. She's a handful, but then again, so is her big sister.”

“One I enjoy.” He replied, and her smile slowly deepened. 

He held her gaze for a few seconds longer, both of them just taking a few preparatory seconds. It was nice, the bit of connection, and she could see the corners of his eyes relaxing. Finally he nodded, and lifted his chin. She could feel the stares, but this time his hand didn't tighten again. His voice was much less pleasant, though. 

“Good evening.”

“I was starting to worry you wouldn't be making it. Good evening, Solas.” It was the matriarch, of course it was. Ellana noticed the shoes first as she lifted her gaze. Damn the woman had good shoes.

She found it sort of interesting that she chose to use his actual name. She'd sort of been under the impression that they called him by the other one.

Mythal approached with a practiced smile and both hands extended, one for her and one for him. She took the hand extended to her, and was met with a surprisingly strong grip, giving a squeeze rather than shaking. The gaze leveled down on her was measuring, but she just gave her friendliest smile, reassured by his hand still curled around hers.

“Mythal, this is Ellana. Ellana, vhenan, this is my aunt Mythal.” The endearment was deliberate, she knew it was, and felt a momentary exasperation. Of course this was some sort of...dance. Why was she not surprised?

“It's nice to meet you properly.” She replied easily, not bothering to force cheer. This wasn't the diner, she could use a normal voice. The gaze fixed on her had become slightly more calculating, but she didn't let it fluster her. “You have a lovely home.”

Except it was too big and white and clean. But, you know, besides that. Also, why were there so many pieces of furniture people didn't use?

What was the point of a chair if it wasn't sat on?

“You're very kind. Thank you for joining us for dinner, my dear.” Mythal replied smoothly, giving a light gesture as she turned away. A casual summonses. “Sylaise, perhaps you can crawl out of that bottle and pour a drink for someone else.”

Okay, laughing at that would probably be a bad idea. She was sort of grateful Dirthamen and Falon'din didn't appear to be here, because honestly, the hostility coming from her left as Solas tugged her in was getting to be a bit much. She'd only glanced at Andruil once, where she was lounging on the couch with her arm behind her girlfriend, and that'd been enough. Damn, those were some hate eyes. It'd be irritating enough if it was just her giving her a nasty look, but apparently her spacey girlfriend wasn't terrible pleased with her either.

What, had they been trolling for a threesome or something?

“Of course, mother.” The brittle response came, Sylaise forcing a smile as she turned away from the bar. Dang, that shade of blonde was doing her no favours. “This is water, though, I'm actually on a cleansing diet right now. It's...oh!”

The smile got just a little more forced as she noticed them, and Ellana tried not to flinch too much at the gaze that swept over her face. Yeah. She had a vallaslin. Keep staring, it wasn't going anywhere.

“Fen! Is this your...friend?” Sylaise asked, drawing out that pause way too long. Also, if that was water she was drinking, Ellana was the freaking Divine. The stare was fixed on her still, the voice utterly patronizing. “That's so great for you!”

What.

“I'm a very lucky man.” Solas agreed smoothly, and she glanced up and aside to smile at him, only to find him already smiling down at her. They probably looked a little silly. That was okay.

“Yeah, you are.” She agreed impishly, and he gave a small laugh. Finally breaking his gaze, she admitted easily, glancing between a confused Sylaise and a slightly amused Mythal, “And so am I.”

“Apparently so.” Mythal chuckled, though it still sounded a little off to her. As if she was laughing at something different than everyone else. “I do hope you yourself don't have any...dietary restrictions? It's so hard to keep up these days, it seems.”

Sylaise was still smiling that perfectly veneered smile, but it looked like someone had forcibly dragged all of the pleasantry out of the expression, leaving behind some sort of skeletal rictus. Okay, so, Mythal was using her to pick on her daughter. That was a thing. Another layer to the bean dip of dysfunction. That's what she was calling it now. In her head.

“Nope! Not really. Honestly, though, not a big fan of cotton candy. I don't know, it just tastes like sugar and bad decisions, you know?” She replied breezily, grinning a little deeper as Solas' thumb caressed the side of her hand. “No real allergies. My mom used to say I ate a lot of dirt as a kid, maybe that's why.”

“Actually...” Sylaise started, and she could literally see Mythal roll her eyes, turning to the wet bar and reaching for the gin. “It has to do a lot with environmental toxins. Being raised in a more simplistic, naturalistic society, you haven't been exposed to...”

What.

She supposed she should be offended. Honestly. Like, right now, she should be so offended and condescended to. Mostly she was wondering if Sylaise's head would explode if she found out Ellana was raised on Fruity O's and grape juice from a can instead of roots and berries. She kind of had a feeling it might destroy her world view. A world view which apparently involved Dalish elves frolicking in the forest licking trees or something.

Oh, she was still talking.

“...And so that's why it's so important for you to be aware of tailoring your consumption to your people's traditional foods. It's just very bad for the balance of your body.” Sylaise continued, very earnestly. She was actually a lot more pleasant than last time they'd met. She had a feeling she had no idea they'd even seen each other before. Also she was probably drunk. “I would love to talk to you about some of these things for my lifestyle blog, I just finished a really important piece about recycled greens. It's lifechanging, really. For a lot of people.”

“Umh...I don't really...lifestyle?” She started, glancing up and sidelong in the hopes that Solas would have some fucking idea what was going on. He squeezed her hand, and then released it. “I don't really know what lifestyling entails, sorry.”

“Wine, vhenan?” Solas interrupted as he moved to join Mythal at the bar, “Or something stronger?”

He kept using the damn endearment, and she knew it was on purpose. Probably both for her, and for the room. She could still see Andruil glare her way every now and again out of the corner of her eye.

“Wine's fine. Thank you.” She replied, and then turned her head back to Sylaise, more to be polite than anything else. She really wasn't enjoying the vodka breath, that's for sure. 

“Oh well...I suppose you wouldn't.” Sylaise started, still with that false pleasantry she seemed to be so good at. “You see, that's what is so beautiful about it. Your people's natural way of life is tailor made to your environment. It must be really hard for you to live in the city, that's really brave of you.”

Her brain wouldn't stop going 'what'. 

She already sort of knew that whatever was going to come out of her mouth was going to be offensive, but it was still a horribly unpleasant surprise when it did. She was already reaching for the glass of wine when Solas hurriedly pushed it into her hand. She lifted it to her lips silently.

“Sylaise, how is June's diet going? I heard he's been having issues with his cholesterol.” Solas interrupted, sending her off into an immediate tirade.

As her hand reached out gratefully it met his doing the same, and their fingers twisted back together again. Secure and warm. She had to remember.

He had her back, and she damn well had his.

They could do this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It wasn't really a surprise by now that Solas thought Mythal was the good guy of the family. Ellana was starting to have the sneaking suspicion she was just as bad as the rest of them, but way, way better at hiding it. She did...well, raise most of these people, after all. At least a good half of them. Not that she'd say that to Solas, she didn't want to make him feel bad or anything. She was being nice to him, at least, so Ellana was willing to give her a pass. Much worse people to be worried about, after all.

Honestly, she would have been happy to talk to Sylaise all night. She was horribly offensive, smelled like the inside of a vodka bottle, but she was probably the most harmless person in this entire house at the moment, barring her husband. She would have happily stood there and listened to her internet-educated ignorance, but eventually she'd wandered off to look for poor June.

“So...you're a waitress? That must be like...so rewarding for you.” 

Oh, yay. Remembering that she had backup, which at the moment was at the form of a hand on the small of her back, she turned to face Ghilan'nain. The smile was vapid, but fake as hell. As was the whole quirky hipster-bohemian chic getup. She was pretty sure the ugly, tacky-ass earrings cost more than two months' salary for her.

“I've never been afraid of hard work, that's for sure! I enjoy a bit of a physically demanding job.” She agreed breezily, ignoring any sort of negative sentiment. If she just didn't respond to it, it might as well not be there. “Somebody's got to do it, right?”

“That's really great?” Ghilan'nain breathed, tilting her head as she smiled. “Definitely the world needs people who are just...more grounded, you know? It's like a balance, like you have the creative, visionary people, and then like the more menial people, to...support the exceptional people.”

Oh. 

Oh shit, nice. 

This she could handle. Art school all over again. Solas' hand had stilled on her back, but she just glanced up and aside to him, offering a quick hint of an impish smile.

“That's a really beautiful way of putting it. Very lyrical. Are you a poet?” She asked Ghilan'nain, whose smile faltered for just a moment. Andruil was lurking nearby at the bar, very obviously listening as she mixed drinks.

But Andruil was about as subtle as a kick to the face, so that wasn't shocking.

“I...have dabbled. People say I have like...a real gift? I've considered publishing my poetry, but...” Ghilan'nain mused with a finger on her cheek, giving a little laugh that was probably supposed to be cute. “But my real love is modern mixed media sculpture? I don't know if you know what that is. It's just...I feel there's a lot I have to say that can only be expressed in real, like tangible volume, you know...something ineradicable.”

She nodded, because if she didn't keep nodding, she'd start laughing. She could see Solas starting to open his mouth, and gave him a subtle little pinch in the side to hush him. She knew he'd bring up her art, but she didn't have anything to prove. It had to come out at just the right time, if she decided to come out with it. It needed impact.

 

“Wow. I guess it's true what they say. Some people just...have a different way of looking at the world.” She mused, hiding another smile as Andruil started giving her nasty sidelong looks. “That must be really rewarding.”

Solas cleared his throat, and then lifted his glass. She didn't often see him drink too much, so it'd been a slight surprise. Understandable, though. She hoped it wasn't whiskey, all the brown liquor sort of looked the same to her.

She just wasn't a fan of whiskey kisses.

“Yeah...I guess I do...” Ghilan'nain replied, lip curling disgustedly for a moment before she pushed away the expression. Breezily, she lectured, even though no one was asking, “Mixed media is when you mix more than one kind of material in the same sculpture? Like...y'know...metal and glass, or plastics, or whatever...repurposeful art. That's why I like it so much. Making something like...beautiful out of something...ugly.”

The last word got a once-over, and again, she had to hide her smirk. They kind of deserved each other, didn't they? It was weird Andruil was being so quiet, though, kind of made her nervous. At this point it was almost like she was sulking. Not that the expression was that different from her usual one, which made Ellie think she'd smelled something unpleasant.

“That's really cool!” She enthused, as Andruil planted a possessive hand on Ghilan'nain's back and passed her some sort of colorful, syrupy looking drink. She wondered if she was copying their posture on purpose, or just being jealous. “I would love to see your welds some time. Do you use buttering? I assume you do, since you say you worked in mixed media. I'm a sucker for a really good weld, especially a really nice fillet or groove. Like a good bevel-groove, y'know?”

She was basically talking shit, she had to be honest, but it was more for the look on Ghilan'nain's face than anything else. Not that she didn't know how to weld, she'd taken classes, but she generally worked on smaller stuff these days. She was sort of digging into school memory here. Just to be a bitch. Solas gave her a reproving pat on the rear end, discreetly, and she hid her smirk with wide-eyed enthusiasm.

“I didn't know waitresses needed to know how to weld.” Andruil interrupted snidely, giving her a once-over. Ah. There she went, defending the girlfriend. Okay, Stalkerella. “Do you work construction, too? A little grubbing in the dirt?”

“I have a degree in sculpture from Lafaille, actually.” She replied placidly, and finally stopped prodding Solas when he tried to talk, leaning comfortably against his side. His hand tucked more securely against her waist.

“Her artwork is remarkable.” He finally said, meeting the smile she cast up at him, hers sweet, his vaguely amused. “She makes the most beautiful stained glass.”

“You're biased.” She replied, forgetting that she was supposed to be verbally sparring. This was so weirdly nice, being on team them. 

Not that she was under any illusions that this would be the worst of it.

“I am honest.” He replied, and then leaned down to gently kiss her. She met it, and thankfully it was nicer than a whiskey kiss. Brandy, maybe? She was tempted to tongue-check, but he was pulling back, murmuring fondly. “You are...”

“It's really great that people who are born without talent can still feel like they're adding something to the universe.” Ghilan'nain interrupted, in the same vaguely spacey, affected voice, but with a hint of venom underneath. “I mean, for real artists? That sort of thing sort of just...gets in the way, but for someone like you, that must have really helped.”

Oh daaaamn, claws out. The cutesy thing wasn't a very good facade if she was going to keep breaking character.

“Oh, I...” She started in her best cheerful voice, only to get interrupted by Andruil.

“Didn't you go to Lafaille, moonbeam? You said that you...” 

“I considered it. I tried it out for a little while, but it was just too confining. Strangling creativity, Andi. You know that.” Ghilan'nain snapped, bristling. “I can't believe you would bring that up now...it's like you don't even listen to me!”

“Moonbeam...” Andruil started placatingly, but space-case was already turning around to storm off in a flounce. She watched her go, and then turned and rounded on Ellana. “You fucking...”

“Walk away.” Solas interrupted smoothly, voice quiet and hard. The sudden change was uncomfortable, his fingers curling against her lower back. “I am fully aware of what you did, Andruil. I have remained silent because Ellana asked me to, but I suggest you don't start making me angry now.”

“Go fuck yourself, Fen.” Andruil replied haughtily, lifting her chin as she stepped back. “You fucking traitor. You wish I wanted your little trailer-trash bimbo girlfriend.”

“Why would he want you to want me? That makes no sense.” Ellana interjected, probably unwisely. But seriously, was it just her, or was that complete nonsense? “Do you mean he wants you to be jealous of him? Or like, are you implying he has some sort of weird lesbian incest fetish? Or like...I'm just not really getting what you're going for here, I'll be honest...”

“I think it was the first one.” Solas informed her, while Andruil stared at them blankly. She could feel the tension in him fading slightly, as she gave a faint 'ah' and nodded.

“Okay, I guess that makes sense.” She agreed, lifting her wine glass to him in salute, a gesture he returned before they both took a sip of their respective drinks.

The wine was probably expensive. She had a feeling no one would appreciate it if she said she couldn't tell the difference between it and the five dollar stuff.

“Okay, fuck you both, I don't have time for your petty bullshit.” Andruil finally managed to say after gaping like a fish, turning around and making what she probably thought was a dignified retreat. Mostly she just looked like she was about to throw a tantrum.

“I'm starting to wonder why I was so worried about you, vhenan.” Solas murmured, and she smiled and bumped her hip against his. “I'm quite serious. By now I would generally be considering throwing myself bodily through the nearest window.”

“All teamwork. They don't seem to be used to people backing each other up. There's still time, though. Speaking of which, wasn't dinner supposed to start a while ago?” She asked, turning her gaze to the clock on the wall. Yeah, like fifteen minutes ago. “I really don't want to stay later than nine.”

“Dinner starts when my uncle decides it starts. This isn't terribly uncommon. Mythal is aware we need to leave by nine.” There was a pause, as they listened to the sounds of Andruil and Ghilan'nain fighting in the next room over. The soundtrack of dysfunction. “Is this...helping you?”

“I don't mean to leave you on edge.” She apologized, lips twisting to the side. “I don't know how to avoid it, though. I can't give you lip service when I haven't sorted things out yet, that's not fair either.”

“I appreciate you not simply telling me what I want to hear. I apologize, I won't bring it up again until you're ready.” He smiled faintly at her exasperated sigh, leaning in to kiss her temple. “You cannot control how I feel, and I wouldn't want you to try. I promise that I am not trying to punish myself this time.”

“You'd better not be.” She groused, attention so fixed on his face that she saw the instant his expression went irritated, and then flat and guarded.

Uh oh.

“Surprised you fuckin' showed your face, tryin' to squirm your way back in, huh?” 

Holy shit, the hostility. And she'd thought he didn't like Andruil. Not that Solas wasn't good at hiding it, but she could tell. The tension was...way worse this time, and he was holding on to the back of her sweater. She could feel his fingers curling in against his palm. Hanging on to her, or prepping a fist? 

Maybe both.

“I was asked to attend.” The cool, impersonal response came, and she warily glanced up and aside at Falon'din. “Mythal said that you're beginning classes again in the spring?”

“Yeah, well, somebody has to stand up and actually do somethin' for this family.” Self-righteous didn't really work for him, but he was giving it a shot. “Between Andruil fuckin' around wasting money and you being an ungrateful piece of shit, someone has to do somethin'.”

“Perhaps the third time will be the charm.” Solas replied blandly, and she had to bite the inside of her lip to stop a smirk. She gave him a small nudge, and he glanced down to offer her a faint, strained smile.

Forcing herself to stay relaxed, she returned it with a slow, warm one of her own, and felt him relax, just a little. At least until he realized Falon'din was eyeballing her now. Then it all came right back. Calm. She had to stay calm.

You know he's going to be an asshole, it's no surprise. Just keep Solas from snapping at him.

“Yeah, well, I'm willing to put my fuckin' career aside to pick up your mess. I don't even know why they even give you the time of day any more.” Falon'din replied as he eyeballed her, and...oh, she remembered that look. The skin-crawly one. Euch. She needed a shower now. “Hey, sweetheart. What's a half-decent looking chick doing with this loser? You could do a lot better if you tried fixin' yourself up a little.”

What the hell? Was he seriously...

Her brain just sort of shut down for a second, and all the words spilled out on their own.  
“Are you negging me?” She laughed, completely disbelieving. It was just too fucking ludicrous not to laugh over. Holy shit. “I thought you were exaggerating, Solas. Who the fuck negs their cousin's girlfriend at a family dinner?”

For once her mouth seemed to help, because that tension had been getting nasty before she came blurting out all over. She felt Solas freeze for a moment, and then started chuckling himself, almost genuine-sounding. 

“Apparently Falon'din, vhenan.” He replied to her affectionately, the hand on her back going flat again, fingers curling against her side and pulling her closer. “Is it working, I wonder?”

“Wow, try to pay a compliment to a bitch and she starts getting ideas.” Falon'din sneered, taking a half step back, shoving up the sleeves of his oxford. Was that supposed to be intimidating? Was he showing off his arms? She had no idea. “My mistake for trying to be nice, you c...”

“That's enough.” She should have let Solas speak up, but damn it if she was going to let this little pissant failed fratboy think he'd intimidated her. She knew she'd practically cut him off, his hand clutching at her protectively. “I'm not scared of you, and you can't hurt my feelings, so just please, go away if you just came to be an asshole.”

“I quite agree. You've embarrassed yourself enough, Falon'din. Go get your brother for dinner.” The interruption came smoothly from the left, and he paled slightly and stepped back. “Now, if you please!”

As he fled, Mythal sighed and lifted a hand to her forehead, a bit more dramatically than necessary, and then sipped her martini. Damn, that had to be like her second double in the last less than an hour. She sort of got the sentiment, but...

“I apologize.” Solas told her, and she waved a hand dismissively. “I had hoped he could simply...”

“What, stay away? You know him better than that.” Mythal replied sardonically, and then turned a smile on her, almost genuinely pleasant. “My son is an unmitigated disaster. I would apologize for him, but you handled yourself nicely!”

Was that supposed to make her feel better? Yeah, Falon'din was the king of dicks, but that's your son, lady. 

Ice cold. 

“Was he actually accepted? You didn't tell me before.” Solas asked, as she turned with a beckon and started crossing the room. “What is this about 'cleaning up my messes'?”

Ellana accepted the light tug and followed, listening in silence now. She sort of had a feeling this was the stuff she should be paying attention to. She wondered if Solas really realized how fucked up this all sounded. She was sort of starting to think he didn't. Damn.

“Oh, who knows. I stopped listening years ago. His father may have thrown some money at the school.” Mythal replied, and she hid another wince. “At this point I'd be consider one of them a success if they could go a month without destroying something expensive. It's nice to have a little sanity in this house now and again.”

“You know why I don't come by.” Solas reminded her, and she sighed heavily, waving a hand through the air again. She knew where Andruil got the dramatic hand gestures from, at least. 

“Yes, yes.” Mythal dismissed, leading them in to the dining room. 

It was, not even remotely to her surprise. Big. And white. At least they went for a consistent palette? Hell to keep clean, though. The chandelier was pretty, at least. Wait, was that...

“Is that a Sauveterre?” She couldn't help it, eyes round. “Wow. It has to be, isn't it? I've never seen that piece in any of his collected works.”

But it had to be, she could tell from the patterning of the glass, and it's not like people this rich would buy a knock-off. It was almost a miniature of...

“It's based on the piece he made for the Val Royeaux opera house, yes.” Mythal replied approvingly, pausing to offer her a smile that almost seemed genuine. “I'm surprised you recognized it, I don't think anyone ever has before.”

“Ellana works with glass.” Solas told her, not bothering to hide the amusement in his voice. She squinted up at him, and he smiled down at her. “I'm not making fun of you, vhenan.”

“I commissioned it after Elgar'nan and I attended the opera on our honeymoon.” Mythal informed her, and suddenly she found her arm secured in a vise-like grip, and Solas was letting go of her. Wait, no. “He was an absolute terror to work with, but I like to think it was worth the time and investment...”

She couldn't help but notice, through the terror, that Solas looked pleased that his terrifying child-eating dragon lady of an aunt had kidnapped her. She sat down automatically when ordered into a chair with a gesture, because to do otherwise might get her head bitten off or something. It seemed she'd been gifted with the honor of sitting next to the matriarch. At least Solas settled down next to her as Mythal waxed poetic, but that didn't do much to quell the fear that had tightened in her chest.

He seemed surprised when she sat down her glass to grab his thigh, fingers digging in a little tighter than she'd intended. He gave her an odd look for a few moments, but then lightly settled his hand over hers, letting her grab hold. 

Gripping his hand tightly, she turned her attention back to listen to Mythal, as everyone else filtered in. 

Hour and a half. Hour and a half, and she'd be free. She just had to keep that in mind.

 

She was being tested.

Now, Ellana sure wasn't the best in the world at reading people, but she liked to think she did all right. At least with like...the overview. Snapshots. Maybe it came from being a waitress, that time-honed skill of looking at someone and knowing they were one of those assholes who didn't tip. Or the sugar stealers. Or the ones that would let their shitty kids destroy the dining room and not do anything about it.

Solas' aunt and uncle were definitely the last one. At least she had a feeling Mythal would tip decently afterwards. Elgar'nan...who knew. He hadn't said a single word since he'd sat down at the table. Not even to Solas, and he was the one who apparently ordered him to this dinner. If someone could loom while sitting, it'd be the man at the head of the table. The mob boss. The real enemy. She wasn't Mira, but she was still having to repeatedly shelve thoughts of throwing something at the asshole's head.

Family dinner. Yeah right.

There was about as much familial love at this table as there were calories on Sylaise's plate. 

Their chosen seats had caused some kind of consternation, because it'd taken everyone else a good five minutes to settle down after some scoffing and eyerolling. She was sort of grateful that she'd ended up sitting across from June. He didn't seem interested in talking to anyone, not even his wife, and she wanted to give Mythal her full attention.

Because, again, she was being tested. Solas seemed utterly oblivious to it. He and Dirthamen were busy ignoring each other's existence across the table, which seemed a pretty pleasant state of affairs for both. Falon'din and Andruil were sniping at each other, with Ghilan'nain insinuating herself just enough to egg them on.

She wondered if being in a room without someone fighting would literally kill this entire family. They didn't even seem to notice the bickering, talking over it. Mythal certainly did, as she found herself being steadily and discreetly quizzed on basically everything. It was an art, the ability to mask prying questions, somehow bringing up conversations tangentially associated to whatever it was she wanted to find out.

By the time the soup had been served, Mythal knew where she'd gone to college, for what, what clan she was from, that she had a sister...and somehow where she worked in highschool and her favourite color. It was...disorienting. And still terrifying.

None of this was making Mythal...less scary.

The fact that Solas sort of seemed to want to talk her up to his aunt was starting to piss her off. She didn't need to be sold to the woman like a damn pair of shoes! That wasn't necessary, she had nothing to prove. When he opened his mouth the next time, she pinched his thigh. He startled, glancing down at her, and she narrowed her eyes.

Honestly, they probably needed a good few years before they had this kind of non-verbal down...ugh, don't even start thinking like that. Years? What the hell, brain. 

He just lifted an eyebrow at her, and she tugged him down for a moment, taking advantage while Mythal sniped at Sylaise for not touching her food. You know, disguised as concern. Holy shit this place was just toxic.

“Stop pimping me out to your aunt.” She hissed in his ear, and he pulled back to give her an odd look. 

They stared at each other for a moment, her eyes narrowed, and finally he nodded, hand resting on her thigh to give it a little squeeze. She rested hers over his for a moment, offering him a reassuring smile. It was the best she could do. Watching...this. All of this. It was starting to make her hurt, honestly. What had it been like for a kid to be raised in this? Was it any wonder they were all so fucked up? 

How had he even survived?

“Daddy!” Andruil abruptly called up the table, somehow adding three unnecessary syllables to the word, that little grating slur helped along by the three vodka cranberries she'd downed. “Ghilly and I are gonna go fly to Val Royeaux tomorrow and go shopping, okay? I'll be back like...Wednesday, I think, so if you haven't had a chance to look at that business proposal I made...”

The hope in her voice was sort of uncomfortable, as was the silence from the head of the table. Elgar'nan dropped his spoon into his bowl, and silently pushed it aside. The creepy silent person in the uniform that matched the stark dining room rushed over, and took it. He then nudged his empty glass with a finger, and went back to the papers he'd been reading.

Mythal silently reached for the rocks glass, picked it up, and extended it over her shoulder. Cowed, Andruil rose to her feet, moved to get it, and turned to the sideboard. She looked sort of like a whipped dog. 

Suddenly the 'pay attention to me' screaming was making a lot more sense. 

Not even Mythal bothered to answer her. No one did. Ghilan'nain wasn't even watching as Andruil filled the whiskey glass, she was sticking her fingers in her soup and sucking them off. Which was...sort of gross. That was...okay, she wasn't feeling bad for her, exactly, but...

She was.

Shit, that was sad. Stalking and anger management issues aside, that was just sad as hell. Something in her face must have worried Solas, because he leaned over and lightly kissed her temple, drawing her attention again. He gave her a reassuring smile, and she returned it slowly, letting herself just relax for a second with him. Ugh. It was like being in a pressure cooker. What was it like to live in it?

“So where the fuck d'you even pick up a Dalish elf? I didn't even know they let 'em in the city.” The slur came from the foot of the table, arrogantly relaxed.

Oh. Falon'din.

She didn't know what she was expecting. Something? Who let their kids talk like that at a family dinner? Except Elgar'nan was only silently accepting his drink, and Mythal was watching curiously. Wait, nobody was going to speak up about how messed up that was? 

Then, of course, she remembered what Solas had said before. Everything was a competition. Even dinner, apparently! Ugh, this was worse than she'd anticipated.

“That was inappropriate. I assume you're attempting to make me angry?” Solas replied, which she knew he was. Mostly because his hand had found hers again, and was trying to be soothing, but was actually just clutching at her. “There are plenty of ways to do so that don't involve insulting my girlfriend. You owe her an apology, and the courtesy of not saying another word to her afterwards.”

Mythal was smiling now, which instead of making her pleased, just sort of made her angry. What, she thought it was cute he was standing up for her or something? Ugh. The bowls were being gathered up, silently, and were replaced with salad. All while people argued. 

Okay, now she was feeling bad for the people that worked for these assholes.

“I'm not...” Falon'din started scoffing, only to be interrupted by his sister.

“You've been a dick since you got here, Fen. Trying to show off for the trailer-trash?” Andruil sneered, and then winced as Falon'din kicked her under the table. “Fuck you, Falon'din!”

“Don't fuckin' interrupt me, Andruil!”

The fact that they couldn't even coordinate an attack without fighting with each other was simultaneously worrying and amusing. The worry mostly came from the fact that even now, no one was bothering to step in and interrupt. 

“I am surrounded by idiots.” Dirthamen sighed heavily, glancing up from his phone and peering wearily at Andruil with black-rimmed eyes. “If you hate her so much, why are you stalking her?”

Of course he knew. Of course. Fuck. Creepy little asshole. Ghilan'nain was staring at her now, forgetting to be cutesy and sneering openly. Yeah, no, sorry. Don't want your girlfriend, honey. She could feel herself getting dragged down into the bickering, even just being used as a prop for it. She couldn't imagine how impossible it would feel to escape if you were part of it.

“I am...” Andruil started, as Falon'din started cackling, giving her girlfriend a wide-eyed look before casting it across the rest of the table. “I am not...I am...the fuck I would! Please. I have better taste...”

“I've listened to enough talking down about me, I think.” Ellana finally interrupted, feeling the edges of a headache forming. Honestly, while she could take a couple insults from idiots, it was getting relentless, and yeah, starting to bug her. She got it, she was Dalish. The mirror reminded her every time she looked in it. “I'm sitting right here. I'm a person, not an accessory, and...”

She shook her head as Solas attempted a murmured apology, giving his hand a pat with her free hand and smiling. She had to remember not to swear, no matter how much she wanted to. Don't stoop to their level. Pretend you're Solas, and are capable of being classy. No matter how much you want to slap a bitch.

And oh, she really wanted to slap a bitch.

“No, honey, you have nothing to apologize for.” She assured him, before casting a withering stare down the table, cold and hard. She added in Dirthamen, because she knew she could make him uncomfortable. And he was a shit. Formulate some smart-sounding sentences here, Ellie, c'mon. “I have met homeless people. People living on the street. That behaved and spoke with more intelligence and class than you have shown tonight. Insulting my heritage is only making you all look petty and pathetic.”

She turned her gaze to Mythal, who was still looking borderline smug. Hmm. She wondered where they got the whole bitchery as a family sport from. Even Elgar'nan had bothered to glance over the top of his paper at her. 

“I apologize.” She offered to both of them, hiding how grudging it was, and got a deeper smile and a grunt in response. Wow. He made a noise at her. How flattering. “I didn't want to have to be impolite in your home, but I won't listen to that.”

Honestly, she was glad Elgar'nan could apparently give no shits about anything. Of all the people here? He was the one she could consider worth hating. Not the shitty kids he raised, not his scary wife, not his brother...him. She wondered how many people were getting fucked over by him as they sat there eating dinner.

It was easy to ignore because she was worried about Solas, but...frankly? She knew who the enemy was, and it was the asshole drinking overpriced booze and ignoring his family. The fact that she didn't get up and arms and scream about it was more resignation than a lack of caring. 

That was just how the world was. She was eating dinner at the enemy's home, because she'd let his nephew charm his way past all her carefully erected barriers. The asshole. And she was worried sick about him.

“I appreciate a young woman who knows how to stand up for herself.” Mythal replied, unsurprisingly, and Elgar'nan went back to his work. “My nephew is a very lucky man.”

“I am.” Solas agreed, and she turned her head to make a little face at him. Leaning down, he murmured against her ear, “I promise you, vhenan, if they keep this up, I won't force you to sit through it.”

“Don't let yourself sit through it.” She replied firmly, possibly with a bit more irritation than she meant. Maybe it was all starting to get to her. Okay, well, it definitely was. “You promised.”

She needed him to do this. At some point this had become less an exploratory mission and more of a survival one. She really hoped he hadn't been paying her lip service about not letting them disrespect him, because this was all just...sick. It was sick, and it was getting worse the more she saw. She had to know he could pull himself out.

It would hurt like hell to lose him. She'd never even thought that about someone else before, which was simultaneously sad, and made this all even more painful. There was just no way she could stay with him if he didn't stand up for himself, it was as simple as that. If he wanted this to be a...forseeable future sort of thing, her and him, she just...had to know he could get away. This was not something she wanted in her life.

This was not something she wanted in his life.

He deserved better than this.

Somehow, some way, things stayed 'civil' until the main course started. She wasn't sure how, because Andruil and Falon'din were still keeping up their low-key sniping, and Sylaise had filled the void by starting to pick on June about eating too quickly. Something about acid reflux or something. She was pretty sure from the look on his face that the trigger for that was his wife, and not the food. She had a feeling this was as good as it got around here.

Falon'din still looked pretty pissed, though, when she cast a look down the table. He kept giving Solas dirty looks, which he was steadily ignoring. He was tense, though, probably as much as she was. There was a lot of calm before the storm vibe going on.

Mythal had decided to start quizzing her again, with the same vaguely amused smile, and she turned her attention to try and focus on the potential smack down awaiting her there. The tension, though. How could anyone live like this? It was like being in a pot waiting for it to boil over.

And when it did, it was going to make a huge mess.

They got a whole ten minutes without more nastiness, but when it came, it was a lot worse than she'd anticipated. And this time, it wasn't even aimed at her. That sort of made it worse.

“So, I gotta ask, man...” Falon'din started, voice deliberate and rather smug. Probably thought whatever he was about to say was pretty clever. “Does it help? Fuckin' away the guilt, I mean. One time in your life you fuckin' act like a man instead of a bitch, and you feel so bad about it that you gotta stick your dick in Dalish pussy?”

Dirthamen silently extended his fist to the side, and his brother bumped it with his own, smirking.

Oh shit.

“Stop talking.” Solas suggested immediately, enunciating each word carefully, hard and cold. 

She'd heard him angry before, but this time it was...he said he used to have a temper. She was sort of starting to see where it'd went. Right now, Ellana was pretty damn glad for his self-control, and she was sure that Falon'din should be, too. The white-knuckled grip on his fork made her think he was about to do some stabbing. Everything in her wanted to step up and say something, but she forced herself not to, through sheer force of will. She couldn't. She couldn't do this for him. She did, however, gently rest her hand on his thigh.

He didn't take her hand this time.

She was way too freaked out to be angry right now. Worried, nervous...suddenly she was glad she hadn't really touched any of the food, because she might have thrown up. Ugh, her nerves were the worst.

“What's the matter, hit too fuckin' close? You know it's true, man. You're just a fuckin' failure, slummin' around because you can't do what it takes to be a man.” Falon'din laughed snidely, leaning back in his seat with a smirk.

“I could respond. I could sit here and prey on your insecurities and tear you apart.” Solas declared, as if to himself, expression thoughtful and withdrawn. “I'm not quite sure why you seem so pleased with yourself. Do you really think that because I don't fight back, I don't know how?”

“I think you're a bitch, that's what I think. You always have been, and you always will be. You wanna fight me about it?” The bluster wasn't very impressive, but everyone else was watching, and it seemed like that was going to keep him escalating. “Yeah, right. You haven't been fuckin' brave enough to step up in years.”

She was starting to think maybe she'd like to fight him. Arrogant ass. Did he really think Solas refusing to fucking take a swing at him was being a coward? It was enough to make her...and Mythal didn't even say a damn thing! No one did!

Why did he think she was on his side? Nobody was on anyone's side here!

“You know, vhenan...I was having difficulty believing it before, but I actually think you may be right.” Solas mused down to her, turning his head, all of that tension abruptly...gone.

She was grateful for that, but wondered why. Gave her a bit of emotional whiplash. It was like something inside him had just snapped. Hopefully for the better, and not worse. She could tell it wasn't fake calm, though, because the muscles under her hand were relaxed. She was still pretty angry, though, but she had promised herself she wouldn't interfere.

“About what?” She replied, forcing herself to joke through the nervous tension still roiling in her gut. “I am right about a lot of things.”

“I...don't have to sit here and take this, do I?” Solas decided, and the sudden flood of relief nearly made her sigh out loud. 

Oh thank fuck.

He reached down and gave her hand a single squeeze, before removing the napkin from his lap, setting it next to his untouched plate. She did the same, and then took his hand when he offered it to her. The table was dead silent, for the first time since they'd sat down. She noticed, as she let him pull her to her feet, that also for the first time...

Mythal wasn't smiling.

Somehow that worried her more than anything else.

“Thank you for dinner.” He offered to the head of the table, Elgar'nan actually watching, with a completely unreadable gaze. They nodded at each other distantly, but she didn't warrant even a glance this time as she murmured thanks herself. “Have a good night.”

His fingers curled tightly around hers as he led her away from the table, and she had no doubt he could feel her hand trembling. She kept her face calm, though, because it was almost over, and she hadn't sat through all of that shit to lose it at the last second.

They were halfway to the door when Elgar'nan spoke, for the first time.

“You will be here next week.”

It was almost bizarre, how ordinary his voice was. It should be menacing. Booming. Instead, he mostly just sounded like what he was, an older guy who probably smoked too many cigars. All of the gravitas was held in the finality of his words, the tone of a man accustomed to being obeyed without question. Now Solas' hand tightened in hers, and she held it securely as he glanced over his shoulder.

“I'm going to have to decline.” He replied simply, and then continued out into the hall, leaving behind stunned silence.

She sort of wanted to start cheering. Holy...fuck, she wanted to start jumping and cheering and probably grab him and kiss him, but all she did was walk, because...well, she was shaking, and they had to get out of there. He seemed to feel the same urgency, because the instant they were out of the dining room he picked up the pace.

There was someone waiting at the door with his jacket, which was vaguely amusing somewhere in the back of her brain. Like the staff were all 'yes, get out while you still can'. He grabbed it, but didn't put it on, tugging her through the front door when she paused for a moment.

She let herself be pulled, but when the fresh air hit her she couldn't keep herself back. Her steps picked up, and then she was nearly running, but so was he. They didn't say a word, just bolted for the car. He finally released her to duck around to the driver's side, and she yanked open her door the instant he unlocked it. 

The doors slammed almost in unison, and she let out a heavy breath, fumbling on her seat belt. It clicked home, and she glanced sidelong, panic fading as she took in his blank expression. He was just...staring out the windshield, but he broke it when she reached over for his arm, blinking rapidly and glancing down at her.

“Are you...” She started nervously, and then relaxed a little when he smiled. Her hands were still shaking, but she could feel the adrenaline fading.

“I am all right.” He assured in a voice that sounded anything but, and then reached for his own belt, shaking his head slightly. “Thank you. Would you like to go get dinner? I can guarantee the company will be at least marginally better.”

“I don't know if I could eat right now, my stomach's going nuts. How about we pick some stuff up at the grocery store, and then head home?” She suggested instead, letting out a quavering breath as she leaned back. Every inch further away from them made her feel a little better.

It wasn't exactly a surprise his phone was already vibrating. He ignored it.

“After being forced to go through that, are you certain you want me to?” He asked cautiously, gaze fixed on the rearview mirror as he turned around and headed back for the gate. “I'd imagine you're...”

“I understand a lot more than I did. Haven't sorted through all of it yet, but...” She started, taking one last glance at the big white house full of giant assholes. “I think so, yeah. And...hon?”

“Yes, vhenan?” He sounded slightly less tense, but still a little worried. She had a feeling he would be until they worked through and talked it all out.

She was starting to feel like she might be ready for that.

“I just want you to know...I'm really proud of you.” 

She was saying it because it was true. This was, after all, the man that couldn't even consider saying no to his cousin when he'd brought basically the same summons a week ago. And he'd turned his uncle down flat. To his face, in front of everyone.

But she was also saying it because he deserved to know that someone was.

He was silent for a few moments, as the gate opened far too slowly for her taste. Finally he took in a shuddering breath, and reached up a hand to wipe the corners of his eyes.

“Thank you.” He replied simply, voice low and quiet, but heavy with emotion. “You know...I think I may be proud of myself as well.”

“Good.” She replied simply, smiling to herself as she sank back in the seat, letting the tension go as best she could. “Let's get the hell out of here.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ellana let him brood in the car. He seemed to need to do a little of it, and she was busy processing herself. That had been...eye opening, really. And honestly, it'd told her everything she needed to know. Whatever revelation he'd had that'd snapped him out of it, it'd been enough to shut things down hard, and as long as it stuck...she was happy.

Not with what he'd done, she'd never be happy with basically depriving a generation of Dalish elves an education. That wasn't something you could really come back from, and she had no right to demand the impossible of him. He didn't have to come back from it, though, he had to keep moving forward. Becoming someone better.

Which he was. He'd decided he didn't want to be that man, and right now she couldn't see him slipping back down that slope.

He'd fit in there about as well as a halla in a sheep pen.

When they pulled into the parking lot, she snapped out of her contemplative daze, blinking and lifting a hand to rub at her forehead. The edges of the headache were still sort of poking at her, but not quite making it all the way into full blown cringe-pain. 

He pulled into a space and parked, but just sat back in his seat after pulling the keys out of the ignition, and she glanced over curiously, still massaging her temple. She met the worried look with a small smile, shaking off the concern.

“I'm fine. I will be. I promise.” She told him, tilting her head curiously as he reached for her, and then hesitated. “What?”

“I know you were...helping me. Before. I don't want to presume that things are still the same.” He replied, and it took her a second until her brain caught up.

Bridging the rest of the distance, she caught his hand before it could finish retreating, and brought it to her cheek. Tilting against it, she smiled as his fingers curved against her skin, thumb stroking as he let out a faint sigh.

“We're all right.” She promised, and he gave a small nod. She'd already made up her mind, there was no reason to make him wait. “I mean it, we're all right. Like, pre-all this bullshit all right. Before my sister all right. Battered and bruised, but...okay. Victorious, even.”

“Are you certain? If you...if you need longer to think...” Kissing him shut up that line of worried conversation, so she did, leaning up and in.

He met her lips, keeping it soft and chaste until she caught his lower lip and dragged her tongue across it. There was a split second pause between them, and then he slowly, regretfully pulled back, nose nudging against hers. She breathed out a sigh, nuzzling a little closer as the hand cradled her cheek.

“It has been...a long week. I feel as if we should discuss this further, but it has been...” He murmured ruefully, and she gave a small, breathy laugh. “Irritatingly, exhaustingly long. May I stay the night, vhenan? Either way, I plan to skip my morning lecture. I haven't the stomach for it, I need some time to recover.”

“I don't work till four thirty. I have to deal with Mira at some point, but I'll take every minute I can get.” She replied, eyes half-closing as he stroked her cheek. That was just...nice. Soothing and soft and nice. “That was me saying yes. Please. Stay with me, Solas.”

“As long as you will have me.” After tonight, she almost felt like she had to meet his eyes as he rested his forehead against hers, despite the uncomfortable feelings in the air. After a few moments, however, he shifted awkwardly, admitting, “The emergency break is digging into my leg.”

She started laughing, and he took the opportunity to pull back, slipping out of the car. Shoulders still shaking lightly, she watched him until he closed the door, and then finally started unbuckling herself. While she was digging her purse out from under the seat, he opened her door for her, and extended a hand down.

“Thank you, sir.” She quipped playfully, laughing as he tugged her up and against him. Rather than get lost in him again, she tucked her arm around him as he slammed the door closed, and then followed him as he gave her a little tug.

She was free of his terrible cousins, and thus felt fully comfortable unbuttoning her sweater, because damned if she wore her one good bra to not have her boobs admired. This felt a lot safer than under Falon'din's gaze. Skeevy motherfucker.

“What would you like for dinner?” The question surprised her, and she pursed her lips thoughtfully as he kept talking, arm securely tucked through hers. “I wouldn't mind cooking.”

“Ooh...Oh!” She brightened, and his amused glance aside at her got stalled as he gazed down into her cleavage. The benefits of having a taller boyfriend, she supposed. That was okay, she kept him from walking into a car with a light tug of her arm. “Pancakes! I want pancakes. Middle of the night pancakes, with jam and butter. And bacon. I don't like syrup.”

“Who doesn't eat their pancakes with syrup?” He asked her vaguely, and she jabbed a thumb towards her chest, making him laugh. It was so incredibly good to hear him laugh after that hell, the sound settling her poor nerves at ease. “What else could I have expected? As you like, vhenan. But I will be having syrup.”

“Not in bed you won't. Birthday cake is one thing, but maple syrup...disaster. Sticky, messy disaster.” She murmured, peeking up and aside slyly to meet his gaze. Mmnh, it was good to know she could still make him blush. It was probably a bit much to ask that he never stop, though. “I've missed you. Horribly. And I'm talking sexually.”

“I am going to have to resign myself to this, aren't I?” He sighed, but with enough of a smile that she knew he was teasing. At least at first he was, face sobering afterwards. “As long as you aren't brushing aside your feelings to...I just want to make sure everything is fully all right, vhenan. That you are feeling completely secure.”

It might have hurt a tiny bit, but she had to admit to herself that he completely had a point, and was totally justified in worrying about that. And then, she reminded herself that he was bringing it up because he was worried about her, and not because he thought she was an oversexed pain in the ass. Which she was, but she was pretty sure he liked that about her.

Pretty sure.

“Okay, so...” She finally started, grabbing a basket off of the stack and tucking it into the crook of her arm, letting him tug her in close again as they walked. “I guess what I was looking to find...even if I couldn't really put it fully into words...was some sort of reassurance. That you were...stronger, I guess. That sounds so condescending, but you know how I...”

“I understand.” He assured instantly, giving her hand a little squeeze. “I believe I'm actually starting to become accustomed to how you speak.”

“Still, that doesn't mean I shouldn't try.” She muttered, and then laughed and shook her head. “I just needed to know that there was no way you'd ever be that person again. That you'd moved past it, that you weren't...a pawn. That you wouldn't let them drag you back under, go back to making you like your uncle.”

The face he made at that was unusually expressive for him, and it made her laugh again, every single one making her feel a little better. Pushing that horrible dinner further and further away. Replacing it with good memories, moments like this. They wandered down the aisle, her nose wrinkling as she eyed the jars.

“They don't make proper marmalade here. It's all factory stuff, probably never even seen an orange.” She complained, and he gave her a sidelong look. “What?”

“Marmalade isn't jam.” He replied, and when she scoffed, insisted, “It is not, you said you wanted jam. Marmalade is marmalade, jam is jam.”

“Jam is just fruit and sugar! Marmalade is a jam!” She retorted, and then wrinkled her nose. “You're one of those people who calls the clear spreads jelly, aren't you?”

“That is what they are called. What else would they be called?” He asked, grabbing a jar of grape off of the shelf and lifting it to show her the label. She made a small sound of disgust and pushed it away. “What?”

“A jelly is a type of dessert, not a spread. That's just sad jam. Sad, sad jam, with all of the joy sucked out of it.” She informed him, and he heaved a long sigh. “Don't look so put upon. You're way too good at it. Help me find something worth smearing all over mys...pancakes.”

“Peanut butter and jelly, not peanut butter and jam.” He pointed out, but put the nasty grape junk back on the shelf. “They have strawberry in squeeze bottles. Very convenient, why not get that?”

“I'm never speaking to you again.” She promised sternly, and held her sour expression until he started chuckling. “Okay, okay. Raspberry, please.”

“I never knew you were so serious about your jam. We can try somewhere else for a marmalade you might like?” He suggested, and then reached up to pick a jar off the shelf when she shook her head. “Whatever my heart wants, she gets. At least when it comes to condiments.”

“Different language, different endearment. You only get one.” She muttered, wishing she had a hood to pull up over her ears. Ugh, now that she knew they turned red, she couldn't stop thinking about it. “Why couldn't you pick something less mortifying? And why do you have to use it so much?”

“You know I'm not going to give you an answer you like.” He replied, not seeming in the least bit put out by it this time, easily changing the subject back from its detour as they continued on. “So, I provided enough reassurance for you? I'm grateful for that, quite honestly, I think I handled myself much worse than I could have. I should have spoken up more.”

“I don't know. We didn't go there to roll around in the mud with the pigs.” She pointed out, and he made a small, uncertain sound. By now she knew this wasn't possibly about him. “Is this because they picked on me so much?”

“It bothers me that I let them speak to you like that at all.” His fingers twisted a little tighter in hers, and he lifted them to his lips for a kiss. “Even though I am well aware that you can take care of yourself. You proved it. Thoroughly.”

“They're not you. I would never hold you responsible for how they act, we've established that a few times now.” As if it'd just occurred to him, he reached over with his free hand and tugged down her sweater a little, and she hid a sigh as he examined the yellow-edged bruises. Hands full, she couldn't fend him off. Butthead. “They'll be gone in not too long. Anyways, we did it, it's done, you never have to go back there again. Syrup.”

“It's still...extremely disorienting. The idea that I can just...decide to be done, and then be done.” He confessed, picking a bottle and dropping it into her offered basket after pulling her sweater up again. She avoided his attempt to take it from her, and they went back to walking. “I have said it before. I've...done it before, but I always let myself get pulled back in. No matter what I said, it always felt...unavoidable. As if when the time came to be tested, I would only fold.”

“But you didn't. That's exactly what you didn't do. I could see it on your face, I could feel it, the instant you made the choice not to..” She insisted, and he glanced down with a faint smile. “What was it that did it? I was curious, but I didn't want to bug you in the car.”

“I realized...” He started, eyes searching hers for a moment before she glanced away, not quite comfortable with the intensity of it. “Every second I stayed in that house, I was risking sacrificing my future, the future I wanted, for what they wanted. Again. Perhaps not the most blinding epiphany in my life, but it seemed to be what I needed. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I never should have gone at all, should I have?”

“If you got some closure from it, that's good enough for me. You proved to both of us that you could stand up for yourself.” She assured, giving a faint laugh under her breath. “I could have done without seeing them again, but being called ugly trailer-trash doesn't exactly hit deep.”

“It upset me.” He replied firmly, and when she let another laugh spill over, frowned. “What?”

“Well, we can go home, and you can...reassure me that you don't think so yourself.” She replied, hiding a little smirk as his fingers twisted tighter in hers. “As many times as you need to until you feel better. Will that help?”

“You know...” He mused, as they turned down the next aisle, thumb stroking the outside of her hand. “I think it might. Thank you, vhenan.”

“I'm a giver.” She replied smugly. “It's what I do. C'mon, let's finish up the shopping.”

Tightening her hand in his, she gave another little smile and pulled him onward.


	16. Chapter 16

He was resisting. She wasn't sure why, and she wasn't sure that she cared for it. At all. He hadn't complained when she'd popped two buttons of his shirt yanking it open, just plopped her on the kitchen island and started kissing her like he was trying to drown in her. Her lips were still throbbing when he pulled back and yanked her hands away from his ass. 

Okay, so maybe she'd ignored the first three times he'd suggested they eat first. Maybe he'd told her not to ruin the shirt. Maybe...she wasn't being a good listener. At all. To be fair, she never was. He liked it when she pushed him around a little.

Anyways, he shouldn't kiss her like that if he meant it, because she was getting mixed signals. She liked them, though, and she freed her hands to pull him in, tongue poking impishly between her teeth. He sighed at her, and grabbed her wrists again.

“You have...no patience at all, do you?” His voice was exasperated, as he firmly placed her hands on the counter and released them, taking a half step back. “Behave yourself, I'm hungry. I couldn't stand to eat a bite earlier.”

“I don't want to have patience.” She replied, impishly coy, reaching for his belt and ignoring the attempts to fend her off. He wasn't trying that hard still. “I want to have you. Inside me. Incidentally, I'm talking about your cock.”

“Well aware, vhenan. Why is it that every time you lack patience, you try to make my shirts pay the price?” He asked, and she grinned, unrepentant. “This time I suppose you succeeded. I'm not certain I should let you get away with that.”

“Pff. The shirt is now cursed. As is this dress. Which doesn't really fit anyways.” She grimaced down at it. Poor boobs. “My own fault. I forget to eat sometimes.”

“Well, we should likely have dinner, then.” He decided, and she glanced up with a glower. “I wouldn't want you to forget.”

“I don't want to have dinner, and I don't want to have patience!” She replied sulkily, slapping her hands down at the counter. He was being smug. Why was he being smug? “I want to have sex! Are you trying to get me to beg?”

“Not particularly, no. I do enjoy it, but that wouldn't be my intention right now.” Normally she'd be relieved that he was undoing his belt and drawing it off, but his expression hadn't changed. “You're going to sit, and behave, while I make dinner.”

“No, I'm not.” She retorted with a little laugh, rolling her eyes. “You know better than that.”

“You are...the absolute worst at giving up control, do you know that?” He mused, and she wrinkled her nose, sticking out her tongue. “It's true. Except you enjoy it when you do. You just like to push me until I overpower you.”

“You like being pushed.” She pointed out, and he acknowledged it with a small lift of one shoulder, eyes narrowing suspiciously now. “Solas...what are you doing?”

“Hands behind your back.” He replied simply, and she shifted her gaze from his face to the belt he was holding in his hands.

Oh...oh, well, that was...unexpected.

Hmmh.

She wasn't quite sure what she thought about this. It didn't really seem like his style.

“Solas...” She replied warningly, but couldn't quite keep the annoyance in her voice, the little flutter of heat in the pit of her stomach warming it considerably. “You are...”

“Vhenan, right now you have two choices. Hands behind your back, or say no.” He interrupted, leaning in to kiss her temple affectionately. “You were the one who told me I should let go more often, weren't you?”

“I didn't know letting go involved you torturing me.” She sighed, but this time she couldn't keep it from sounding breathy. She knew he'd be patient with her, he always was, but she only paused a moment before tucking her hands behind her back.

“It does when that is what you want me to do.” He only smiled at her little glower, leaning in to kiss her cheek. “The instant you get uncomfortable...”

“I know.” She maintained the reassuring smile for a few moments, the warmth only growing. He returned it, and then finally kissed her forehead and pulled back. “You don't have to do this for me, though, you know...”

She exhaled heavily as he slung the belt around her, leather loose at first. Her gaze shifted down to watch his hands as he tucked the end through the buckle, admiring them with a bit more relaxation. He really did have incredible hands, she could probably spend an entire night adoring them. The belt tightened snugly around her, and she rolled her shoulders to test it. No weird twinges or odd angles.

“Fully aware. Breathe out.” He suggested, and she did so, sighing against his shoulder as he leaned in to her, cinching the belt the rest of the way and sliding it through the other end of the buckle. “There we are. Feel better? Less impatient?”

She took a moment to gather her thoughts and test the belt, inhaling to feel it loosen just a little. Just enough. Exhaling again, she nodded slowly, and then tilted her cheek into his palm as he cradled it. It was almost embarrassing, the fact that she did feel calmer like this, but he didn't seem to be judging. If anything, he was pleased, a smile pressed to her temple as he kissed it once more.

“Now...I am going to make dinner.” He informed her, and then chuckled at her exasperated sigh as he stepped back, leaving her sitting on top of the counter. “You really need to remember to eat, vhenan.”

“I get busy.” She muttered as he turned to unpack the bags, wriggling a little against the belt, testing it. Reflex, more than a desire to get free. There was a bit of panic trying to make itself known, but it wasn't specifically about the leather snug against her arms. “Don't nag me. I always eat when you're here!”

She wasn't afraid to be tied up, that'd...never been an issue. It was the whole...non-sexual intimacy of it that made it so uncomfortable. The expectations that came with it. Leaving herself vulnerable to him, which she knew...which they both knew usually ended in things she wasn't comfortable with.

Shit. She'd gone and gotten herself trapped.

Which was kind of the point, but usually even tied up she was still getting exactly what she wanted. Okay, now her brain was sort of panicking. The usual sort of panic, but compounded by the inability to find somewhere to shut it out.

“If that's an attempt to lure me here more often, I'll remind you that Cullen won't thank you for it.” He seemed more relaxed now, which helped soothe her, easing some of her embarrassment. When she squirmed uncomfortably, he glanced aside, pausing with a hand on the cupboard. “Talk to me.”

“I...I...” She stammered, cursing her brain, and the fact that there was literally nowhere she could hide now. That knowledge was a bit overwhelming, and for a moment she wondered just why she'd wanted this. “...shit.”

“You're safe here.” The reassurance was low and easy, but he didn't move towards her, leaving her sitting alone on the counter, fingers clenching into her palms. “Close your eyes, it will help. You're safe. Don't forget that. Do you need me to blindfold you, my heart?”

“No, I...” She sighed, overlooking the endearment reluctantly, focusing on the more important part. She obediently closed her eyes, and breathed in deeply. “No, I'm all right. This is harder than I thought it'd be. I sort of want to hide.”

“I will come help you in a minute. Until then, try to relax. Just focus on my voice.” He suggested, which honestly wasn't a hardship. She did adore his voice, smooth and low, the way he drew out the syllables sending a little tingle down her spine. It was nice listening to him, and she could feel the tension draining from her as he spoke. “This schedule is still new, we'll find ways to make it work. As I said before, I sleep more soundly next to you, losing an hour now and again won't harm me.”

“I'm surprised you didn't think I was being selfish for picking up a second job without talking to you.” She admitted, voice a bit more distant and vague than usual. Having her eyes closed helped, it made everything a little hazier, helped her lose focus. The panic receded as she forced herself to talk. “I'm having a hard time remembering I have to worry about anyone besides me and Mira.”

The quiet sounds of him moving around the kitchen were soothingly domestic, breaths escaping languidly as she let herself be lulled by it, chest easing at last. It was just a different kind of being safe and helpless, that was all. Just like the blanket, just like under the sweater, hiding underneath him. She wasn't exposed. She was all right.

This was a safe place.

“I was a bit upset, but I realized my expectations were a bit further along than they should have been.” He admitted, and she gave a faint laugh under her breath. “Just because you have difficulty with relationships, vhenan, doesn't mean you're the only one who should have to adjust expectations.”

“And yet, when it's time for me to be understanding, you expect me to crumble.” She retorted, unable to make her voice sharp. “Yes, they're two entirely different things on entirely different scales, but at the same time...”

“I apologize for not having more faith in you.” His voice was even lower, but this time not soothing. The concern in it roused a sigh, and he chuckled faintly, self-deprecatingly. “I suppose we both have our flaws.”

She didn't respond, but it was nice just to sink into silence, listening to him work in the kitchen. She hated cooking, always had. It was nice he hadn't pressed her about why she wouldn't. Then again, he'd proved before that he enjoyed taking care of her. It was...nice to unbend enough to let him, even if memories of that damn bath still made her squirm.

He could be so merciless when he wanted something. Maybe it was a good thing he hadn't been a lawyer.

“I think I'd like to blindfold you after all. May I?” He mused, abruptly breaking the silence. She considered it for a moment, and then nodded. It wasn't as if she felt like opening her eyes, anyways. “Thank you. Of course, I could have planned much better for this.”

“There's dish towels in the drawer to the left of the silverware.” She replied idly, lazily, and then laughed at his irritated murmur. “What?”

“Too rough.” He replied, and she heaved a long, weary sigh. The chuckle that escaped him sent a little shiver straight down her spine, and she squirmed as he quietly ordered, “Make another suggestion.”

“Inside of my closet door. There's a scarf.” She finally replied after letting her mind race, abruptly leaning forward at the unexpected stroke of fingers across her cheek. 

It was gone as soon as it came, leaving the memory of warmth on her skin. It was nice, but disappeared far too soon. She focused on listening to him depart, leaning back again, ankles crossing. Her arms weren't precisely comfortable, but it wasn't too bad. The knowledge that she could escape if she needed was reassuring.

It was reassuring hearing him moving around the apartment, even if there was some part of herself that demanded she try to fill the silence. When he returned, she was anticipating it, tilting her chin up to greet him. It was the scarf she felt first, sliding cool across her cheeks as he tied it across her eyes, secure behind her head. He then tugged the elastic out of her hair, rousing a faint laugh as he adjusted the makeshift blindfold again.

“What?” He murmured, so close that she could feel the warmth of his skin and the spill of his breath.

“You can't seem to leave my hair up.” She teased, and then felt him chuckle. “It's true, you've been playing with it since our first kiss.”

“I suppose I still can't like a girl without wanting to pull her hair. Some habits never really die, no matter how old we get.” He murmured playfully, and this time his lips actually brushed her cheek, her head turning to try and find them. He held back for a moment, thumb wandering along the curve of her cheek to tuck against her chin, gently holding her in place.

Deliberately, he kissed her slowly and tenderly, and she didn't feel like cringing away for once. Maybe it was the blindfold, or her hands pinned behind her, or maybe it was just the calm that had come from his slow, careful pace. Not that she preferred it, no point in going that far. It was just...soothing. She exhaled a shuddery little breath against him as he reached behind her for the zipper of her dress, dragging it down as far a he could manage with her hands tucked back. 

“I was a bit...concerned I would feel uncomfortable with this.” His voice was thoughtful, as he released the zipper and lifted a hand to her shoulder. The first touch made her shudder, not quite knowing where he was coming from leaving her nerves a bit more sensitive. “But I think I'm beginning to understand.”

“Well, if you're going to insist on being hopelessly affectionate...”

“I am.” He murmured against the side of her neck, and whatever else she might have intended to say just sort of faded away. 

A quiet, breathy sigh escaped her lips as he dragged his lips down the sensitive skin, the following stroke of his tongue making her stomach clench. His fingers caught in the shoulder of her dress, sliding it down, and then he paused with a laugh.

“I really didn't think this through, did I?” He asked exasperatedly, as the dress caught on her upper arm, position keeping it from going any lower. “I suppose you will have to stay dressed while I work. Pity.”

“Remember, the dress is cursed! Bad dress, must be destroyed.” She suggested hopefully, frowning as he turned and left her there, the sudden loss of his presence rousing another pout, chilled neck making her shiver. “I think you knew that!”

“Or perhaps you simply have me thinking less than clearly.” He replied, and she made a small sound of disbelief in the back of her throat. “I don't have nearly as much control as I should when it comes to you. Luckily, it seems this helps. A good thing to know.”

“Or maaaaaybe...you should stop having control.” She suggested, oddly tickled by the whole situation. It was sort of funny, which she could appreciate at the moment instead of being irritated by it. “I swear, you are the only man alive who would tie up his girlfriend in order to make her dinner.”

“If I hadn't, we'd be in bed right now, if we even made it that far.” He pointed out, and at her grumble, chuckled quietly. “You are a bit too obsessed with instant gratification, you know. Waiting now and again won't do you any harm.”

They both fell silent again, after she heaved a long sigh to make sure he knew she wasn't happy. All he did was go back to work. Again, she sank into a dreamy, distant haze, wandering off into a place in her own head that wasn't overly filled with thoughts all tumbling over each other. Listening to him move around without any distractions kept her lulled. The blindfold helped, too. One less thing she had to worry about controlling. It was weirdly nice, if not at all what she'd been expecting.

Granted, she hadn't actually expected him to step up and do any of the things he so enjoyed listening to her moan in his ear during sex. Was it any surprise he decided to do it his way?

The hiss of the pan eventually broke the quiet, and an impish little thought wriggled its way into her mind.

“How long did you wait?”

“Hmmh?” He asked, and she could feel his approach, even before his arms slipped around her, sliding down her arms. Almost a hug, but not quite. “You're a little cold.”

“You're warm. You always are, it's nice.” She murmured, tilting her chin up as he stepped back, a quiet rustle of fabric preceding his shirt being draped over her shoulders. “Thank you. I'm just saying, you said you had a thing for me before I kissed you. If you're so fond of waiting...”

“Ah...” He was back at the stove, voice further away now as she tilted her head to cuddle her cheek against his shirt. It smelled like him, which was nice. Her shoulders were starting to ache a little, but it was easy to ignore. “I...should probably not admit to that, if I wish to retain any sort of dignity whatsoever.”

“Oh, come on...” She pouted, deliberately using the slow, throaty voice she knew he liked. “Tell me...”

“Well, let me see...I suppose it started at the Satinalia party.” He begun thoughtfully, and she pursed her lips, trying to remember. Wait a second... “No, I didn't mean last year's, I had...”

“You were out of town.” She finished, and then wrinkled her nose. “Really? Year before last? That long ago? I thought you hated me.”

“That may have been when I noticed that I wasn't simply...physically attracted to you, yes. And then I was intolerably rude to you.” He sounded so exasperated that she laughed, over the little surge of warmth in her chest. “When I noticed the way you made a room brighter just by walking into it. It disoriented me.”

“You're going to try and make me regret asking this question, aren't you?” She asked dryly, giving a little uncomfortable squirm against the counter. “Of course you are, why am I surprised?”

“What can I say, vhenan? You seem to have an aversion to the truth. You shouldn't ask for it if you don't...ah, well, it's not as if you can get away right now, is it?” She could hear him still working at the stove, and this time his voice wasn't smug, but calm and collected. She still grumbled. “You were...you are effortlessly charming, you know that? Even when you're not attempting to be. Last spring, when...”

“When Dagna cut her finger after close?” She guessed, and got a faint 'hmh' from across the kitchen. It made her smile, lashes fluttering against the blindfold as she slitted them open. “I'd decided you didn't like me, and I couldn't figure out why. After that Orlesian girl quit in a tizzy and I picked up all her hours, I just sorta figured...I should try to get along with you. Since we were suddenly working together all the time.”

“I was doing so well.” He sounded so annoyed that she grinned, amusement stalling as it pulled at her shoulders a bit. She was starting to get stiff. “You may laugh, but it is true. I thought I was doing excellently well, and then in the course of one night we went from barely speaking to...you turning me into an idiot teenager without any discernible effort.”

“You smiled at me. A real smile.” She remembered drowsily, letting out a quiet sigh as she heard him approach, his hand dragging up the outside of her thigh, sliding under her skirt. “I wondered if I'd ever see it again. And when I did...on that night when I cracked my stupid head, you had me, I guess. But...really. That long? And you didn't do a damn thing.”

“I had...convinced myself that there was absolutely no hope of anything. Self-preservation, vhenan.” He murmured, last word against her lips, fingers curling in to drag against her skin. She exhaled against his mouth, and felt the upward curve of a smile. “It wasn't enough to keep me from...thinking about you now and again in private moments. Much to my chagrin.”

“And now?” She sighed, probably aware that she should be warning him not to burn the pancakes, hands twisting against the belt as he dragged a single finger over the top of her thigh. “I suppose your curiosity's been sated...”

“I believe it was you that said from the beginning...it hasn't helped, only made it worse.” His lips were against her cheek now, still only talking, not kissing her. It made her skin tingle, breath catching in a little shudder. “You are...so beautiful, my heart. You shouldn't have suggested this, I might find I enjoy making you as helpless as you've always made me.”

“I guess...turnabout is fair play.” She finally managed to reply, voice scaling up in the way that always mortified her, and pleased him. There was nowhere to hide this time, though, a violent shiver trembling its way down her spine. “Solas...”

“You're safe. You always have been.” It shouldn't have reassured her, but he was just so calm, and it felt so good to not have a choice but give in to him. It was quiet enough that she easily heard it as he undid his pants with his free hand, the quiet sound of the zipper. “You're safe, and you're mine, vhenan.”

“Dinner...” she murmured worriedly, only to be silenced by the hand that left her thigh, fingers dragging across her parted lips.

“Soon enough. I believe I was telling you...” His voice took on that particular hitch, a slight inhale of breath on the last word, as he murmured against her ear, “Just what you've done to me. I don't think there's a morning I've awoken without you and haven't been aching for you, vhenan...”

The little strangled noise of frustrated arousal escaped her lips before she could help it, and she squirmed, wrists biting against the belt. Which was exactly what he wanted, of course, because he gave a small murmur of approval against her ear, fingers dragging down her jaw, stroking under her chin. 

She knew exactly what he was doing. 

“Don't you dare...” And the worst part was, she couldn't even see! She could hear him, feel the slight nudge of his knuckles against her inner thigh as he dragged his hand upwards, and then slid back down again, breathing out heavily against her. “Solas...fuck me...you...you bastard!”

“Mmh, yes, vhenan, I like that...” He groaned, as she twisted again, his breath faster. “Say it again.”

Her stomach tightened as the heavy pant of his breaths against her were joined by the telltale, steady slap at the end of each stroke. He was close. So damn close that she couldn't even close her knees to try and deal with the way he was turning her on. Especially not when he reached down to yank her skirt up to her hips. And he still didn't even touch her.

“Fuck me!” She demanded again, desperation making it high and helpless. He was right there, and she couldn't even...rrgh! Insufferable, evil bastard! “You are going to pay for this...You are going to...”

His fingers were on her lips again, dragging down over her chin and down the center of her throat, her head falling back as he moaned into her ear. They slid behind her neck, delving into her hair as he pulled her in against his shoulder as he stiffened, breath stalling against her. There was silence, only for a second. and then he gave a harsh growl of relief through gritted teeth.

She couldn't help the high, breathless moan as he came across her thigh, the sensation making her shudder violently. She could feel the shudders of his body, so familiar, the ragged rhythm of his breaths. He cradled her tightly against him, stroking himself a final few times before relaxing, letting out a languid sigh of relief.

Leaving her a quivering, tense, unsatisfied mess. 

She almost flinched when he kissed her ear, breathing in deeply, giving a small yank of her bound wrists to express her displeasure. He just chuckled, low and drowsy, and nudged his nose affectionately against her temple.

“I think dinner is ready.” He remarked, in a voice so innocent that if he'd been closer she would have bit him. Bit him really hard. “Shall we eat, vhenan?”

“I changed my mind.” She replied sourly, eyes narrowing in the darkness as he only laughed again. If only he could see the dirty look she was giving him. “I mean it.”

“About what?” He asked, tugging his shirt around her a bit more securely, checking her blindfold, and then turning away.

She tried to kick him and missed, all too well aware that there was now cum dripping down the inside of her thigh. He could at least have the courtesy to clean her up! Under all the anger and resentment, of course, the arousal remained. She wasn't used to things being so tense, lower stomach twisted up in all sorts of pleasurable knots. 

“Everything.” She replied sullenly, and then added grudgingly after a moment, “...I get extra jam.”

“As much as you want.” He promised, quietly comfortable. “I don't know why you thought by now, vhenan, that you could tempt me places and not have me follow. You really should know better. I'd follow you anywhere.”

“Good. Then go to hell.” She replied playfully, and scoffed under her breath as he laughed. “Because I'm apparently already there.”

“And enjoying every second of it.” He reminded her, now sounding dangerously smug again. “I know that you are.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ellana had been all set to be playfully irritable, until he'd come back with their plates and a dish towel to clean her up with. A good stretch had worked out the kinks in her shoulders, and a few kisses had settled most of her annoyance. She would have been happier if he'd finally taken care of her properly, but instead he waited for her to finish stretching, and then very politely asked if he could take off her dress and tie her up again.

Almost too politely. 

She said yes, because honestly, for some reason watching him puzzle this all out was absolutely fascinating. Fascinating, and flattering in a way that she wasn't completely comfortable with. Not that anyone would be surprised about that, knowing her. He hadn't made a single attempt to hide that he hadn't done anything like this before, but he was so calm and collected about all of it.

The confidence was pretty damn sexy. All of it was, really, which was why she was glaring at the fork in his hand, lips drawn into a line of displeasure.

“I thought you enjoyed me feeding you.” 

“It's good to know that you apparently hold a grudge.” She replied dryly, glancing down and aside, lips twisting as he gazed up at her, chin resting on his hand. “You are in the strangest mood.”

“I know.” He admitted, offering her up another bite of her pancakes, which she sighed and accepted, dragging it off with her teeth. “I suppose I'm feeling rather...free. This has all been highly unpleasant, but it's all over. You're still here, and I'm not feeling as if I'm lying to you constantly. I wasn't aware of how heavily it had been weighing on me.”

“It's my apartment. Where else would I be?” She mumbled after swallowing, just to be contrary, but he only smiled at her. A bit too warmly. “Okay, okay, enough of...that. Please stop.”

“I'm putting the blindfold back on if you don't stop throwing a fit over me looking at you.” He replied comfortably, and she let out another exasperated sigh, rolling her eyes upwards. “I thought you liked being the center of attention, vhenan.”

“You know this is not even remotely the same thing, you're only doing what you always do, which is to do something I can't stand repeatedly until I get used to it.” She retorted, feeling a little calmer, and he chuckled, straightening up and running his hand down her bare thigh. “I'm not that cold, I'm all right.”

“And you're letting me, which I am very grateful for. Thank you.” He replied graciously, and she broke through the little sulk fit to offer a smile, wry and lopsided. “You are being exceedingly tolerant tonight.”

“Yeah, well...the knowledge that I could seduce you in a split second if I really wanted to...does help a little.” She admitted, and he acknowledged her point with a lift of a shoulder. “I'd lean down and kiss you, but you probably taste like maple syrup, and that's disgusting. And I might fall over.”

“I do. I still might kiss you...there's quite a lot of places I'd like to.” He admitted, reaching up to hook a finger in the strap of her bra, dragging it down her arm, rousing a shiver. “I'm mostly curious how long exactly you'll let me get away with this. Not that you don't look very beautiful tied up, of course.”

“Is that why you tied my legs together? You said it was so I'd stop kicking you.” It was fun to needle him, it always was, but she finally stopped pouting, a lazy little smile wandering across her lips. “It was sweet that you tried it out for me. I'm not sure what to think of the fact that you apparently like it so much...”

“You are...a hard creature to hold on to, vhenan. In many ways. Perhaps it just satisfies my urge to keep you close. While, admittedly, soothing my guilt over letting you be treated so poorly.” He replied, offering her another bite, and then pausing as she made a face. “What?”

“Wrong fork. Don't get your gross tree-jizz on my pancakes.” She groused, ignoring the exasperated look he gave her as he ate the bite himself. Her shoulders were getting sore much faster this time. Belts weren't exactly ideal for this. “I would love to hear your reasoning for how masturbating instead of having sex with me is taking care of me.”

“It's made from sap. Sap has nothing to do with reproduction.” He replied, deliberately ignoring her question as he switched forks and speared her another bite. He didn't speak again until she grudgingly took the bite. “You know that I have absolutely no self-control when it comes to you.”

“Except for that time you spent a year having a thing for me and didn't do anything about it.” She interrupted, idly flexing her feet as she considered the scarf wrapped around her calves. It wasn't that tight. “But you know, besides that. Excuse not holding water here, sugartits.”

“You have a little scar...right above your navel. What is it from?” He abruptly asked, switching topics entirely, rousing a sigh from her. “I'm simply curious, it's an odd one.”

“Bad teenage decisions. I used to have my bellybutton pierced. I did all the ridiculous, dangly, rhinestone-encrusted things. It was embarrassing. It was a phase, I owned a lot of thongs.” She admitted with a laugh, and then turned her head to show the side of her nose. “Still have this pierced, though I never wear it. The hole's pretty small, though. Then there's the tattoo...other than that? Pretty boring.”

“You are...the least boring woman I have ever met in my life.” It was a little disorienting when he used that voice on her, slowly letting the words slide off of his tongue, liquid and warm. It should be illegal for blushy nerds to be able to be that damn devastating. “Are you still hungry?”

“No...” She murmured quietly, shivering as he dragged the strap of her bra lower, biting her lip for a moment as he kissed the curve of her shoulder. “No, I'm not hungry. Are you?”

“Starving...” He whispered against her skin, rising fully to his feet, letting his head lift to press lips against her ear. A hand lifting to cup her cheek, thumb dragging under her lower lip as she inhaled sharply, he continued quietly, “I am going to give you what you want, my heart, but in exchange, I want you to give me what I want.”

“What's...that?” She asked, a quick inhale strangling the last word, as his tongue slid along the edge of her ear. She exhaled in tremble of breath, stomach twisting up into knots again.

“I want to hear...all of it. Every single second.” He demanded, low enough that she could hear her own breath, his voice felt in the prickle of her skin, the little throb between her thighs. “You will not hold anything back from me. Do you understand?”

His thumb dragged across her lip this time as she breathed out against him, tongue escaping briefly to brush against his skin. Finally she nodded, but as always...that wasn't good enough for him.

He did like to hear her wanting him.

“Yes. I understand.” Her words were rewarded with an appreciative sound, almost a growl. How could she help herself from trying to hear it again? “Please, Solas.”

“The belt will hurt you, and I don't want that. Will you let me tie your arms instead?” He smiled when she nodded rapidly, she could feel the slow curve of it against her ear. “Tell me.”

“Yes, please. Please tie me up.” It was fascinating, hearing the slightest quickening of his breath when she spoke, loud in the quiet apartment. It wasn't that she was shy, but he had a way of making her feel so exposed, in ways she wasn't used to.

His lips pressed against her temple as his fingers deftly unbuckled the belt, drawing it from around her stomach. She quickly shifted her arms forward, rolling her shoulders a few times and then stretching. While she was occupied, he moved to untie her legs. An odd feeling, suddenly being freed. It didn't last long enough to get accustomed to.

Scarf wrapped around his hand, he stood up as she stretched out her legs, slipping between them and reaching behind her. She tilted her chin up expectantly as he unfastened her bra, but he didn't kiss her. Not even when she made a sulky little sound, one of the ones she knew he liked. 

Instead he simply drew off her bra, gave her a small kiss on the cheek, and then nudged her onto her back. She acquiesced curiously, even if it wasn't the most comfortable place ever. At least they kept it clean. Before she knew it he had her turned over on her stomach with her legs over the side, and was neatly binding up her arms behind her again. She let out a faint huff of amusement, and he leaned down to kiss her shoulder.

“Do you need a pillow or anything, vhenan, or would that ruin it for you?” He asked, mixed between genuinely curious and teasing. She let out a sigh through her nose, and he chuckled slowly, in a way that sent a very nice flutter from the depths of her stomach to between her thighs. “Very well, but this is your last chance. You know how to make me stop.”

“I do.” She assured, more for him than herself. “I'm fine.”

Uncomfortable, but in a pleasant sort of way, she breathed in shallowly with cheek pressed to the counter. Anticipation and helplessness left her on edge, listening to him undressing with eyes half-closed, not truly seeing anything. She had no idea what he was going to do, all she knew was that if it didn't finally involve having sex with her, she was probably going to lose it. 

Maybe she should have been, but she wasn't expecting it at all when his hand abruptly buried in her hair, twisting in and pulling up and to the side. The tug against her scalp wasn't that sharp, just enough to draw a little 'ah' of surprise from her, a shiver sparking down the arch of her back as he gripped tighter. 

She was still trying to catch up when he bit her.

In her more coherent moments, she might be embarrassed by the noise she made at the harsh catch of his teeth in the back of her neck. It hurt, in ways he was never comfortable with, the first stab of it and then the deep ache as he eased off. The strangled cry that escaped her lips, high and shocked, actually stalled him for a moment. She could feel him relax again as she trailed off into a few breathy little gasps, his lips brushing across the throbbing skin in small, gentle kisses.

She let herself slip into the languor, deflating as she exhaled.

“You're so soft...” The murmur tingled up the back of her neck, rousing the tiniest shudder. His hand slid across her shoulder as he let her hair fall through his fingers, and then down her arm, to the top of the scarf. “Sometimes chasing you feels like trying to hold on to water. I think that I have you...and then you slip away.”

It was hard to focus, she'd been desperate for him so long, and he'd been absolutely torturing her. The only sound she could make was a moan, as his hand moved to stroke down the curve of her waist, exploring it with his fingertips. She knew he was taking advantage of her to talk when she didn't want him to, but as long as he...as long as he didn't say it, she was happy. Maybe it was selfish to be happy, after everything, but she was.

“What was that, my heart?” He asked, fingers twisting in her panties, dragging them down slowly. She gave a small squirm of her hips, and he murmured in approval. “Not feeling very vocal? I'm certain I could do something about that...”

The back of her neck received one last small bite, as if to remind her of it, and she shuddered slightly as he pulled away. It wasn't the most comfortable position, but she was beyond caring any more. She was so tense that the first kiss to the back of her thigh made her gasp, muscles clenching. She could feel him laugh, but not hear it, breath against her skin. Close, but not close enough, she gave a little frustrated moan and spread her thighs expectantly.

He slapped her in response, a harsh smack of his palm on the side of her ass. The squeal of surprise that escaped her just made him laugh again, low and pleased this time. He sounded almost smug, as she tingled and squirmed, the impression of his hand leaving behind a flush of heat.

“Hmmh, I do like that noise...but I am afraid it wasn't quite the one I was looking for. Perhaps we could try again.” He suggested, which was all the warning she got.

A hand gripping the opposite cheek and giving a groping squeeze, he bit down on her ass, just as hard, if not harder than the one on her still-aching neck. Her whole body spasmed, and his fingers tightened to keep her in place, holding her down to the counter. She couldn't have gentled her cry if she'd tried, harsh and shuddering, easing off as he released her, slowly, letting the skin slip wetly from between his teeth. 

She was shuddering by then, breathing in heavily before letting out a quiet litany of cursing, lower lip quivering as he rose up and kissed her. His hand was so gentle against her cheek that he knew he was worried, but she could feel how hard he was as his hips pressed up against her ass. She found the strength to grind back against him, even though it roused a new little spark of pain. When she went limp again afterwards, he gave a small sigh against her lips and trailed his fingers down the side of her neck.

“So soft and still, it almost makes me wish I enjoyed hurting you, my heart.” He murmured tenderly, and she gave a drowsy smile, trying to be reassuring. “I am all right. And you are all right?”

She nodded, and he nodded in return against her cheek, offering a kiss and stroking his fingers through her hair once. And then he was gone, leaving her again a throbbing, aching, wanting mess. This time, however, she wasn't even the slightest bit tense. The telling sound of the packet being ripped open sent a little anticipatory shiver down her spine, followed by his slow exhale as he slid the condom on. She squirmed, and he gave a faint chuckle, a hand sliding between her thighs, making her gasp as his fingers stroked her open. 

“I don't think you've ever been so wet for me, my heart...” He murmured, and she whimpered, making him inhale sharply. “Mmmh, yes...I...”

There he paused, and then sighed, fingers gliding up to stroke once across her clit, stalling at the twist of her hips, the desperate groan. The throb of pleasure tightened in her stomach warningly, and she bit down on her lower lip. 

“No...” He denied, hand shifting for her hips instead, pinning it down. “No, not without me, vhenan. I want to feel it.”

Relief overwhelming, she felt him at last, hard and ready as he pressed up between her thighs, fingers sliding against her entrance.

“Yes...yes, please...” She begged, voice high and broken, whole body trembling now.

She'd been tortured long enough, damn it.

Fierce and demanding, his hips thrust forward against her, driving her stomach into the edge of the counter and forcing the breath out of her. A cry tore itself from her throat, louder than his deep moan, as he finally claimed her like she'd been aching for. She knew she was speaking, because he was responding roughly, but she had no idea what she was saying, as his cock drove deeper and deeper, fingers digging into her hips. With a jerk of his hands, he pulled her down to meet him, the impact against her bruised ass making her words break off into another sharp moan.

“Is that what you want?” He asked her, voice still strained, but loud enough to cut through the haze of sensations. She made a small sound of agreement, all she could get out between loud, sharp gasps, and for once that seemed to be enough for him. 

It had been far too long for both of them, really.

It was all...heat, and sensations, the little throbs of her abused skin, the way the scarf dug into her arms when she struggled and twisted. His hips kept driving home the ache of her ass as they spanked it, keeping her limp and shivering, stomach tight against the counter. It was too much. The instant a hand slid down to touch her she was gone, sharp and fierce and desperate. Over-worked nerves made it almost painful, and she could hear him grunt as she twisted and cried out, hand returning to try and hold her down as she shuddered.

When he came, it was when she was collapsing, a few last shudders of pleasure forcing their way through her as he groaned her name and buried himself inside her, pinning her to the counter with his weight. It hurt as the edge pushed into her stomach, but a lot of things were uncomfortable. The relieved, exhausted bliss made her not give a fuck about any of them. 

He just felt so damn good. 

Even when he collapsed awkwardly over her, panting, a hot, sweaty mess...that felt good, too. She tried to catch her own breath as he offered affectionate, satisfied praise against her shoulder in a warm sigh, her hands cramped uncomfortably against him. She wouldn't have told him to move for anything.

Eventually, though, he seemed to realized that he had her squashed and still tied up.

Utterly limp, still panting for breath, she gave a small whimper of denial as he pushed against the counter and raised up. The sensation was a little uncomfortable, especially with her arms so cramped, but he immediately raised his hands to untie her. As he worked the scarf loose with little tightening tugs against her skin, she let her eyes drift closed.

All the little discomforts and twinges were still distant, the relaxation pushing them far away. She only sighed as he pulled his hips back and slid free of her, missing him already, but too content to say so. His fingers slid over the slight ridges in her skin from her struggling, and he reached up with an apologetic murmur when her trying to straighten her arms ended in a wince. 

“I'm going to pick you up, is that all right?” He asked, and she nodded numbly, a small groan escaping as he briefly massaged her shoulders, easing some of the stiffness. “I want to take you to bed.”

“I am one with the counter.” She mumbled in response, cheek peeling away from it as he carefully pulled her up and to her feet.

Or, at least he tried. The instant her feet hit the floor she sagged, and he laughed breathlessly and caught her. She was trying. Trying to stand, but all she could do was reach up when he turned her around. Somehow he managed to scoop her up, an arm behind her back and one under her knees, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. It was hard to protest the embarrassment of him cradling her in his arms like that when her damn legs didn't even work.

“I'm made of jelly. Wibbly.” She informed him apologetically against his neck, which was warm and tasted like sweat when she kissed it. She was glad she'd found it. It was her new favourite thing. “Sorry for wibbling.”

“It is always remarkably complimentary, my heart, when I can reduce you to incoherence.” He informed her, and she scowled against him. She was making perfect sense. That wasn't fair. “No apologies necessary. Are you ready to sleep?”

“Nuh.” She grumbled, closing her eyes against the sway as he carried her across the living room. “No sleeping.”

“Eventual sleeping.” He replied patiently, and just chuckled when she gave a little 'grr', breath catching. “Are you being adorable on purpose, I wonder?”

“Deadly insult.” She replied, and then added smugly, “You think I'm cute. You like me.”

“Yes, but the age old question is, of course...do I like you, or do I like like you?” He responded easily, and then laughed when she gave a musing 'hmm'. She liked the way he laughed after sex, like he'd never been hurt before. It was nice. “I need to clean up the kitchen. Do you need a glass of water?”

“No, but you are the sweetest for asking.” She replied, letting go of him with some reluctance as he leaned down to set her on the bed. “I can do it...”

“It will only take me a moment.” He promised, and she heaved a sigh as he wandered off, reaching over to turn on the lamp.

Her eyes idly traced the leaves and flowers as they cast across the ceiling, letting her eyes half-close sleepily as she listened to him moving around. The uncomfortable little throb of forming bruises was sort of nice in its own bizarre way, though she knew if she told him so he'd just feel guilty. He was still upset about Andruil marking her arm, and he barely liked giving her love bites. At least, he enjoyed that she enjoyed it, but she was pretty sure other than that he just felt bad.

Which was...sweet, and it was sweet he did it for her anyways. Then again, she'd always known he was. Way too sweet for her. She was starting to hope he didn't realize that, even when he made her uncomfortable.

When he returned, clothes in hand, he offered her purse questioningly. She stopped staring at him long enough to shake her head, tucking her arm underneath it.

“Mira can wait until tomorrow.” She decided lazily, and then squinted at him as he emptied out the pocket of his pants. “Don't you dare, I mean it.”

“Only going to charge it.” He promised, moving his thumb away from the screen, and she gave a small 'hmph' under her breath. “Please, feel free to make that face all you like. The pouting lower lip is particularly charming.”

“You were going to look, fibber, and don't tempt me. I'm a world-class sulker. Now you, you're more of a brooder.” She mused, grinning a little at the smile that tugged up the corner of his mouth. “I bet you lured in all the girls at the frat parties.”

“That honor would belong to Sebastian, but...” He admitted, and she gave a little laugh at his shrug, fluid and easy. “Are you teasing me, or being genuinely curious?”

“Teasing. I sorta...figured you've had a decent amount of experience.” She laughed, because it was so damn cute when he blushed. Willingly she moved aside for him when he settled onto the bed, and then followed the tug on her arm. “It's pretty obvious.”

“Thank you for the compliment.” He replied with a soft clear of his throat, relaxing as she snuggled into his lap, collapsing with a sigh against his chest. Mmh, he felt good, even when it was all sticky-sweaty. “If I keep you happy, then I suppose it was all worth it.”

“Worth it? That's kind of a...weird way of putting it.” She mumbled, squishing a little closer as he wound his arms around her. “Shouldn't it be a bit more...I don't know...positive than that?”

“Do I seem like the kind of man that really enjoys one night stands and random casual sex, vhenan?” He asked her, and she gave a small 'hmh' under her breath, shaking her head against him. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head, murmuring against it, “I have had my fill of trying to force myself into molds that I do not belong in. I am so much more happy than I ever was before...”

They both paused at the buzz against the nightstand.

“Don't.” It came out of her mouth the instant his phone started vibrating, and his attention turned towards it. She knew it was driving him nuts, and he'd been doing so good ignoring it. Not now. Not when their night was almost over and they'd nearly recovered.

“I'm only going to look.” He replied gently, placating, but she only lightly bit his shoulder. “Vhenan...”

“Don't.” She repeated more firmly, voice losing some of its contented haziness. “Don't you dare ruin your mood.”

“It could be Leliana. It could be my advisor.” He pointed out, and she grumbled under her breath at him threateningly. One of the hands on her back reached down to tuck under her rear end, giving a reassuring squeeze. Luckily the un-bruised side. “It's not, at this time of night, but it could be.”

“I'll make you a deal.” Lifting her head from his shoulder took some effort, but she sat back into his hand, meeting his curious gaze. “Give me the phone. I'll look through the whole fucking mess. All the messages they've been sending all night, because I know they're bothering you. I can tell.”

He frowned, but didn't deny it. She leaned in and softly kissed it away, hands cupping his jaw, feeling him sigh against her lips in a rush of warmth. When she settled back again, he seemed more relaxed.

“And I'll delete any of them that serve no purpose at all. I'll even save nasty stuff if I think you need to see it, but...” She wrinkled her nose, and declared firmly, “Well, you'll just have to trust me, I guess.”

“Or I could look...” He began, and then took in her sour expression, the set of her jaw. “Ah. This is going to be one of the times where you use all the weapons in your arsenal, isn't it? You know I have no defenses, vhenan.”

“I know.” She replied smugly, accepting he phone as he handed it to her, grabbing it in both hands protectively as he bounced her lightly in his lap. “Eep! What?”

“Over, I want to be affectionate if you insist upon doing this.” He demanded, and she sighed and acquiesced, rolling off of his lap and sprawling onto her back, mattress creaking. She managed to hide the wince pretty well, she thought. Damn. Was going to have a big old bruise on her butt.

He immediately followed, and she let him settle as she unlocked the phone. It was sort of nice that he trusted her enough to let her do this, but she had a feeling that if he knew the content of the messages, he probably wouldn't have. He probably thought they were all about him.

Man, Falon'din really didn't like her, it seemed. Asshole.

Sprawled out on her back, she pushed his shoulder away as he tried to lean over and watch her scrolling through them. Finally he settled for her stomach, and she arched her back a little to let him slide an arm under her. It was sort of uncomfortable, skin still a bit tacky from sweat, but it kept him from interfering, so that was good enough for her.

“Oh! You know, I wasn't aware, but apparently I've had sex with your cousin!” She informed him, laughing drowsily at the scowl. “It's okay, according to this I wasn't any good. Ol' F.D. doesn't have anything of value to say. Just lots of insults and vague threats.”

“That's Falon'din.” He agreed, and then planted a kiss on her stomach, tugging her a little closer. “That he would say that about you...”

Oh, if only he knew what all he'd said. Ignorance was bliss, especially for Solas in overprotective mode. She just let him try to cuddle out all his anger, reaching down her free hand to stroke her thumb over his cheek, deleting messages with her other hand.

“Claiming he had his dick in me doesn't make it true. Damn. Your family really knows how to text, huh?” Indulging in a whim, she went back to the list and scrolled down to see what he had her saved under. Aw, just 'Ellana'. That wasn't exciting. Flicking the screen back up, she went to deal with the... “Holy shit, seventy messages from Andruil?”

“She has a habit of sending one word at a time instead of condensing everything into a single message.” He grumbled, and then asked, running a finger along the curve of her hip until it made her shiver. “What else did Falon'din say?”

“Nothing important. Let it go.” She suggested, and he sighed, breath rolling across her stomach. “Hey, do you keep the dirty pictures I send you?”

Not that she ever put her face in them. She wasn't dumb. Impulsive, horny, and loved tormenting him, maybe, but not dumb. Wow. Andruil really couldn't type. Must be the pointy nails.

“Of course not, even if I am highly tempted to. I am careful about it, I always will be.” It was a sweet promise, bringing a smile to her lips. She sort of needed it right now, and the kisses were helping, too, even if they tickled a little. “Incidentally, that was not me telling you to stop sending them. Except while I'm working.”

“Right, send more while you're working...” She murmured, reacting absently to the little pinch of her hip. “Ow.”

She kind of wasn't feeling so playful any more...

Okay, maybe he needed to see these ones. Instinct was telling her to delete them, but that was all about her, and not him. While she waffled, he glanced up at her.

“I can feel you tensing up.” He pointed out, and she let out a little sigh, trying to push aside the upset. “Show me. What is it?”

He reached for her wrist, but she pulled it out of his reach, biting down on her lower lip. Their eyes met, and she smiled apologetically.

“It's nothing, really. More Andruil bullshit.” She replied, and knew it was the wrong answer when his expression darkened. “Solas...”

“Ma vhenan...” He murmured, letting it roll off of his tongue, soft despite the frown on his lips. “This is important to me. You promised if there was something I needed to see...”

“Don't use that against me, and stop using sexy voice to try and seduce me into letting you.” She replied, dismissively. “It is cuddle time, not read shitty messages time. I will leave them, but that doesn't mean you get to read them right this second.”

It was hard not to get rid of them, again, she really wasn't afraid of Andruil, though everyone kept telling her she should be. Dumb, maybe, but she'd never claimed to be smart. The fact that she was threatening to come to their work again and 'fuck your stupid little bitch up' was probably something he'd want to see.

Even if she just wanted to delete it. 

Her thumb was practically betraying her on its own, so she quickly scrolled down and started deleting the other ones.

“So you stole me because you're jealous...she never wanted me anyways...fuck you, you ruin everything...man, why do they all keep calling me ugly? Am I ugly? It must be the nose, huh? Maybe she should send me to her plastic surgeon.” She was joking, but yikes. They would just not find anything more creative to say.

“You are perfect, and so is your nose. Your face is beautiful and has character, which makes you far more attractive than anyone who obsesses over perfecting perceived 'flaws'.” He grumbled, arms tightening again, his frown deepening as her stomach shivered with a silent laugh. “I am being quite serious, don't brush me off. If I had known they would attack you, I wouldn't have let you read them.”

“I know. Sorry. I've just never been complimented so grumpily before. This why I didn't tell you there was no way they weren't going to make some of this about me.” She replied, and was grateful that it was him that laughed this time, albeit grudgingly. “I can handle being called ugly. I told you that before.”

“I changed my mind, I'd like my phone back.” He decided abruptly, and she laughed and pulled it back as he reached for it. “It is one thing to read the things they are saying about me, but another entirely for me to let you read that abuse. Just because you can endure something doesn't mean...”

“No! I said I'd handle it, let me handle it!” She retorted, moving the phone away as he reached for it again. “First thing in the morning, you can read all the shitty stuff to your heart's content. Tonight is us time.”

Sighing, he untangled himself from her, and she scowled as as he loomed over her, a hand to either side of her chest. In self defense, she tucked the phone under her shoulders and crossed her arms.

“Give.” He demanded, and she smiled slowly, letting the frown fade. “Ellana...”

“What?” She murmured lazily, teeth catching her lower lip as she slowly let her gaze wander downwards. 

Mmmh, nice. Not just the shoulders, which she pretty much always admired, but the chest and stomach and all of it. By which her brain meant the cock, of course, no point not being honest about it. But, you know, there were thighs, too. She did like those. This was a particularly nice view, usually she was a bit too distracted to enjoy it properly. He probably worked out at school, didn't he? That would be...worth watching...

“Vhenan, please stop that.” His voice was a little strained now. “I am being serious.”

“Stop what?” She asked, deliberately coy, letting her voice trail off slowly.

“You are licking...your lips...” He didn't sound like he was thinking about the phone any more. That was good.

“So come down here...” She suggested, lifting her arms to slide them around his neck. “And then I won't have to do it myself...or better yet, give me something else to lick.”

She didn't have to ask twice. Somewhere along the way, his phone ended up on the floor, but neither of them were caring any more at that point. There were a lot more important things to care about than his shitty family. Namely each other.

And this time it was slow and sweet, just like he wanted.

Eventually, pleasantly exhausted, he passed out on top of her shoulder like a sack of potatoes, awkwardly pinning her arm to the bed, an arm slung around her waist. She'd probably have to move him at some point, but he was doing that thing where suddenly he was twice as heavy as he should be. She was half asleep herself, staring at the ceiling blankly through the haze of her eyelashes.

In the peace and quiet as he breathed against her, she could hear a faint buzz of his phone vibrating under the bed. She lifted her functioning hand, gave it the middle finger, and then curled in protectively against him and drifted off to sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

She'd been up for an hour when the knock came on her bedroom door, and she knew it wasn't Merrill. Merrill knocked like a hummingbird, a quick little flutter. This was a Mira knock, twice with the heel of her hand. It was nearly nine, and the lump in her bed was still sound asleep, hugging the pillow she'd tucked into his arms when he'd tried to hold her hostage.

Twisting her wet hair back up into a ponytail, she gazed down at Solas as he slept for a few seconds, a half smile pulling up her mouth. Hard not to want to snuggle back in, stare at him for a while without him trying to make it all feelingsy. It'd be okay. Whatever Mira was feeling, it'd be okay.

They'd work it out.

Breathing in, she grabbed her hoodie off of her chair and slung it on, padding for the bedroom door on bare feet. The door swung open, and she watched Mira settle down on the couch, looking decidedly sullen and probably hung over. She recognized that face, oh yes. Closing the door carefully behind herself, she crossed the floor for the kitchen.

“Coffee?” She asked mildly, and got a quiet 'mhm' in response. “There's still hot water if you need a shower.”

That got no response, and she didn't mind this time. This was always how it went, and she kept her calm, pulling down the coffee, filling the machine. The quiet was unbroken, and for a moment it pulled her into old memories, mornings in the caravan, the peace and quiet. Mom still asleep, Mira sitting at the dinky old orange table refusing to look at her, staring at the floor because they'd fought the night before, and she was so bad at saying...

“M'sorry.” It came finally, grudgingly, the way it always did, in a voice strained by what was probably a pretty bad headache. “I shouldn't have texted you all that stuff.”

“I forgive you.” Ellie replied, pulling down the mugs. While the coffee brewed, she cleaned the plates from last night. They only had four, so it was generally a good idea to handle them right away.

The silence stretched on, but it wasn't tense, at least not for her. She felt bad for Mira. Maybe that was dumb, because this wasn't exactly new for either of them. Not the first fight she'd picked. But mom had spoiled her for ages, and then leaned on her pretty hard when Ellie had left. She tried, she really did. She was just so...inflexible.

When she finished the plates, she cleaned the counter. Seemed prudent, after last night. By then the coffee was done, and she left the dishes to dry and filled the mugs. Mira was waiting for her to say something, she knew she was, but honestly...Ellie didn't have anything to say.

She'd made her decision.

“Here you go, bug.” She offered the mug over, and her sister sighed and took it in both hands, slumping deeper into the old, worn couch. “Do you have anything else you want to say?”

“Are you leaving him?” It wasn't a question, it was an accusation, and she shook her head wordlessly. “That's really fucked up. I hope you know that. Completely fucked up.”

“I understand why you feel the way you do.” Ellie finally replied, picking her words with care. Don't give her an opening to wriggle into. “And...I understand that what he did is unfixable. He knows that too. He's not that person any more, he chose to get away. And I believe in him.”

“That's...fucking bullshit, and you know it. People don't do things like that, Ellie. Not good people, anyways. It's not...” Mira started, and then let out a heavy, frustrated sigh, lifting a hand to her forehead. “I know this is just you...doing what you always do, okay? I get it. And I'm sorry, but you can't let...”

“Mira, stop.” She replied simply, fighting back the instinctive anger. “You have no right to bring that shit up, I mean it. It's not like that.”

“I mean, maybe you think that this is a step up from drug dealers or...” Mira started, and then sighed at her glare. “Would you just let me talk?”

“Not if what you want to say is to bring up that shit again. Mom talked a lot of crap, we both know that.” Lifting her coffee, she forced herself to take a sip, clear her throat, clear her head. She could feel her hands starting to get tense. “I told you before...”

“She cared about you!” It was a bit much to hope that the hangover would stop the shouting. Mira slammed her mug down on the coffee table, and rose to her feet. “Why do you always DO this? Every time I try to help, every time I try to talk about stuff, all you do is talk shit about mom!”

“Maybe if she hadn't sat around all the time talking shit about me, I wouldn't have to. Stop bringing it up.” It wasn't what she should have said, but it stung. Mira had no idea what it'd been like for her, no idea. She'd had a completely different mom, basically. “I blame myself, I guess. I never should have told her what was going on in my life. I don't know...”

“You don't always have to fuck everything up, Ellie!” Mira sounded so damn earnest, like this was a fucking intervention. Now it was her starting to get the headache. She sighed and lifted a hand to her head. “Okay? I don't get...why you keep doing this to yourself. Just because he's a rich asshole doesn't mean he's any better than the other assholes you always date! I know you probably think he's...”

“This isn't about him. This is about you thinking that you know my own life better than I do. This is about how you don't trust a word that comes out of my mouth.” She replied, finally letting the calm seep past her voice, and settle into her bones. Cold. Fuck, she hated to do this. “This is about how mom tried to turn you against me because she was mad I left. This is about how she fed you a bunch of crap about how I was screwing everything in my life up, while pretending she was worried about me!”

“I told you I was sorry!” Mira replied, and as always, the waterworks started, eyes filling with tears. Normally she'd be rushing to placate, but right now it just made her more pissed. “I was a kid, I didn't mean that stuff, okay? I know you didn't make dad leave mom, I know you didn't ditch us because you were sick of taking care of her. I said I was sorry!”

It was the tears that did it. Like a fucking trigger installed somewhere deep in her brain. Giving a small curse, she rose to her feet, turning away from the couch. It seemed like somewhere in the last few years the switch had gotten fucked up, because instead of inspiring that old stomach-churning guilt and panic, she was just furious. Was she breaking habits, or were habits just broken?

“Stop fucking manipulating me! I'm so sick of everyone assuming I don't know how to live my own life! I get it! I fucked up! I am the fuck up!” She was shouting, and Mira was shocked, but she couldn't help it. It all just came boiling out, frustration and anger. “I'm doing everything for you! Everything I fucking do is so you can have a damn better life, Mira. So you can have what you always wanted! I did one thing for myself, in my whole life, and I have been paying for it ever since!”

“I just want to help...” Now Mira was retreating, sinking into the couch, and the first stab of remorse came. Shit, she hadn't wanted to guilt trip her. It wasn't her fault. “I just...wish you would stop hurting yourself like this...”

Turning away, Ellie breathed in heavily, fingers clutching tightly around her coffee mug, letting the warmth sink in. She closed her eyes, sighed out to try and clear her mind, and then opened them again. She couldn't pull a mom, don't start with the guilt trips and shouting. But on the other hand, how long had she just been sitting there, letting Mira say this shit because she felt bad for her? Way too long. She was an adult now, treat her like one.

If she kept putting up with this stuff, she was part of the problem.

“I shouldn't have said that, that was shitty of me. Listen...just because mom's gone doesn't mean she's suddenly perfect. She and I had a lot of problems. Yes, I've done some fucking up. So has everybody. It doesn't mean...” She sighed out, reaching up a hand to rub the back of her neck, eyes closed. Oh, right. Bruise. Wincing, she dropped her hand. “It doesn't mean I don't know what I'm doing. I know you want to protect me...and you don't know how. I understand. Just please...I'm happy. And I believe in him.”

“I worry about you.” Mira insisted, and she sighed again. “I worry about you, and...I know, you like it here, and your friends are here and all...but maybe you should come home? You're First! There's still a place for you! Deshanna says...”

“I'm not coming home, you know that. Not yet. And...I don't care what Keeper says. Okay? You're gonna get your vallaslin soon, and then we can forget about me coming home right now.” She replied, turning and offering a little smile. “I'm happy here. I am happy, with Solas. He screwed up. We all screw up. His was just...made way worse by literally the worst family on earth. He's getting away from them, and I'm proud of him for that.”

“You're acting weird. You're acting really weird.” The suspicion in her sister's voice was frustrating, twisting up with the sad, sour knot in her stomach. “Is this some sort of rich people brainwashing thing, or what? You can do better than this, Ellie, you know that, right?”

“Why do you keep saying that? You act like...you act like I have no control over my own life!” She hadn't meant to shout again, but it came out anyways.

Ugh, dammit.

“Ellie...are you using again? Is that what this is about? I know what you said before, but...” Mira's words were stalled by the look on her face, but as always, she just kept plowing on. Adding volume instead of making sense. “Well, I'm sorry, but I can't see any other fucking reason why you'd be with that scumbag if it weren't for his money!”

Well, no, that did it. Now she was angry. 

And of course, when she got angry, she just started shaking and crying. This was why she fucking hated getting worked up! Nobody would take her seriously. Breathing in, shuddering, she reached up and wiped her eyes, ignoring the fact that half her coffee was probably on the floor now. She could feel it stinging her fingers.

“I was never USING, Mira! I was a stupid teenager who made some fucking mistakes! Andraste's tits, why do you believe everything mom ever said?!” She rounded on her sister, who looked pretty spooked, eyes wide. She didn't blame her. When was the last time she'd actually yelled at her? When was the last time she'd actually flat out contradicted her? “I mean, shit! You're old enough and smart enough to make your own fucking mind up, not just repeat stupid shit mom said for attention!”

“I'm not...” Mira started, but fuck it, she was picking up steam.

She wanted a fight? Fine.

The tears didn't stop, but she just got pissed through them.

“I spent my whole motherfucking childhood trying to insulate you two from each other, making myself the bad guy. Standing in the middle, picking up the pieces! Taking phone calls in college where all you two did was bitch about each other!” Okay, now she really was yelling. Sorry, Solas. Shit, when was the last time she'd raised her voice properly? “And apparently while I wasn't there, all you did was eat up all the bullshit lies she told about me, while bitching about her to me! You want to be an adult, Mir? Fine! You are in my HOME. You will respect me, you will respect my fucking boyfriend, or you will pack your shit and get out! Do I make myself clear?”

The slightly terrified look on Mira's face made her half feel like laughing, the other half just guilty as fuck. This was her baby sister. Her loud, opinionated, funny, fierce baby sister, who had no idea what being an adult was like. She wasn't doing her any favours letting her stomp all over her. 

She had to learn sooner or later that the world didn't care if she saw it in black and white.

“I didn't need mom to 'save' me, and I don't need you to. I have been living my own life for ten years now, and I've got a pretty good handle on it.” Calmer, she sounded calmer, and that was good. Letting out a quiet breath, she wiped her eyes again, leaving them stinging. “Do you have anything to say to me?”

There was silence, and she lifted her coffee cup to take a sip. Half empty. Glancing down, she stared at the puddle at her feet, stepping back to avoid getting her socks wet. Shit. She should clean that up.

“...no.” Mira replied at last, hands fidgeting around her mug before she leaned forward and set it down on the table. “Bethany wanted me to come help at the shelter today, I'm...gonna go do that. And think, I...I guess.”

“I think that's a really good idea, Mira.” She replied, listening to her sister rise, staring at the coffee on the floor. “I'll text you later, I work really late, so just come home and crash whenever you're ready. Just ask Merrill if you plan to bring anyone over.”

“Okay.” A jingle of keys, as Mira dragged her purse off the kitchen counter and slung it over her shoulder, voice quiet. “I'll see you later.”

“Yeah, I'll see you later.” 

The lack of an apology was frustrating, but unsurprising. She was sort of too pissed about everything else to care about that one right now, though. Adding it to the queue for later frustration. The door opened, and then closed, and she let out a sigh, moving to set her mug down next to Mira's.

Well.

That'd gone great.

With a sigh, she turned and headed for the bathroom, shaking her head.

She knew he was up. He might sleep like the dead, but Mira's shouting could wake anyone up. And then she'd gotten in on the shouting, so...Taking a minute, she washed her face in the sink, and then stared into her own face. Nope, no way to hide those red eyes. She blew her nose, and then ducked out of the bathroom, grabbing the clean laundry on the way.

Merrill had been sleeping more and more at Isabela's, she'd noticed. They'd been dating for a while, it wasn't really much of a surprise it was getting kind of serious, and it made sense with Isa living over the bar. Still, she missed her. Would have helped with Mira if she'd been around. Ellie was starting to wonder if she should start looking for a new roommate.

Seemed kind of inevitable that they'd end up moving in together at some point, Isa and Merrill. She'd miss her, though. Finding a roommate was kind of a crapshoot.

Taking in a slow breath, calming her mind, she steeled herself and opened the bedroom door, not surprised in the least to find Solas waiting for her, sitting on the edge of the bed with his phone. The look of concern she tried to wave off, but the smile wasn't very convincing. 

“I'm...fine. It's not a big deal.” She assured, and then shook her head. “She's gone for the day. Probably to plan an intervention or something.”

The joke fell kind of flat, and he frowned at her, setting aside the phone on the bed and holding out his hand. Crossing the floor, she took his hand, but didn't let herself be tugged down to the bed.

“You need a shower.” She told him, and he sighed. “Well, you do.”

“I didn't want to interrupt, no doubt it would have made things worse.” He settled for kissing her hand, and she smiled weakly and rubbed her thumb against his cheek. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Yeah, cough up the money to send her home early, since apparently I'm using you for your money you don't even have.” Again, the joke didn't really seem to work, and she ended up just shaking her head slowly. “Nah. No, I mean. Nothing to be done. Like I said, not a big deal.”

“You've had a stressful few weeks.” His concern almost made her laugh, and she tugged her hand away and turned towards the dresser, setting the basket on top of it. “I...”

He trailed off as she jerked open a drawer and started shoving things into it. It wasn't a big deal, it was just t-shirts and stuff, who cared if she didn't fold it? She could feel him watching her, and it was starting to get on her nerves. Maybe she slammed the drawer. Did it matter if she had?

It was her fucking drawer.

He stayed silent as she emptied the basket, the trickle of frustration shunted back, pushed away. Close it up, hard and cold. No point getting angry. No point getting angry at her. It wasn't Mira's fault, she meant well, she was just...just...

Yanking the empty basket off of the dresser, she didn't even realize she'd knocked one of the dumb little sculptures off the top until it was already falling to the floor. She watched it in silence, clutching the basket to her chest as the delicate wren hit the floor. It shattered, of course it shattered, spread wing breaking off and crumbling into pieces, head cracking in half.

The blank calm overtook her completely, and she breathed out a slow sigh, kneeling down and setting the basket aside. Silently she gathered up the broken bird, careful not to let any of the edges nick her fingertips in the process. 

“Can it be fixed?” He didn't sound worried, which was nice, but she was pretty sure that was just for her benefit.

“It's trash.” She replied simply, not looking at him as she went to dump it in the bin next to her work table. “It all is, though, isn't it?”

“No, it's not. Are you going to talk about this?” 

“It's not your fucking business.” She knew he'd understand, he understood before. He had to. “You know that. It has nothing to do with you.”

There was silence for a moment, and then he sighed, and she heard him standing up from the bed. Arms wrapping around herself, she stared down at her work table, resisting the urge to smash every single fucking piece of glass into the trash. Eyes fixed on the fragments, she tightened her arms, fingers digging into her sides.

“I need you to take a minute, vhenan. I know you're angry. I understand that this is how you handle it...” His voice was still calm, quiet, which was probably all that was keeping her from walking out of the room right then. “But you made a promise. It's one thing if you don't think you can keep the promise, or if you need some time, but telling me it has nothing to do with me is wrong. I'm going to take a shower. We'll talk when you're ready.”

Fingers digging into her arms, she bounced on the balls of her toes for a few moments, listening to him leave the room. When the door clicked closed, she let out an explosive sigh, and then reached up to wipe her eyes. Breathing in through her nose, a sniff, she swung her arms up again and rubbed the heels of both hands into her eyes, still fighting back the tears.

Shit.

She understood where he was coming from, she was the one that said they'd handle things together, wasn't she? She'd forced him to, a couple times now. Forced him to take her to that stupid dinner, and then had the balls to tell him her shit was apparently more important. He hadn't said anything but she already knew.

She'd hurt him again.

“Fuck!” It was all the anger she'd let get out, escaping from clenched teeth, hands curling in towards her palms before she let them relax. “Fucking damn it.”

Hold your temper. You know you've got a temper, you already failed and lost it once today. Just don't...make a big deal out of it. Nobody cares about your crap, just...

Hands slapped over her face as she stopped the train of thought before it could get out of hand, breathing out heavily again. No, no, that was wrong too. Stay out of there. You know that shit's not true.

“He cares.” She forced herself to say, feeling sort of dumb saying it out loud by herself. She did it again, just to drive the point home. “He...cares. You don't get to care about him and push him away. That's...that's not how it works.”

It helped, a little. Her chest was still tight, but it helped. She didn't want to cry, though. She didn't cry. Seeking comfort, she crossed to the dresser, opening the bottom drawer, pulling out the stolen sweater from where she'd stashed it. Shrugging off her sweatshirt, she tugged it on instead, and it immediately slouched off of one shoulder. That was okay.

Despite having washed it, it still was very him, and that was good enough.

Now that she'd decided not to be an ass, guilt was an uncomfortable weight in her stomach, roiling around and making her nervous. Better just to get it over with. Sort of wishing the sweater had a hood she could hide in, she left the bedroom and followed the sound of the shower, making for the bathroom.

He hadn't locked the door, which was nice of him, and she opened it with a little cloud of steam, air still chilly enough to make the transition sharp. She tugged the door shut behind her quickly, and then made for the toilet, pulling down the lid and sitting on it. He hadn't said anything, though she knew he'd heard her, and she tucked her feet up, pulling down the sweater until she was all but hiding in it. For good measure, she pulled her arms in too, wrapping them around her shins.

“I'm sorry.” She said, just loud enough to be heard over the shower, resting her cheek on her knees. “I was wrong.”

“I forgive you, vhenan.” He replied calmly after a few moments, though she could hear the relief that gave her another small twinge of guilt. “Are you ready to talk, or not yet?”

“I...don't know.” She admitted, voice a little rough. “It's hard, you know? I mean, your family is the epitome of dysfunction, so trying to talk shit about mine makes me feel...”

“I'd like you to try anyways.” He replied, and then added with a hint of wry humor, “I sincerely doubt you can say anything that will make me judge you harshly.”

“You know my mom died. She was sick...off and on, for my whole life. She would get better, and then get worse again, and...cancer, actually. Three times. Complete bullshit bad luck, that was my mom. Shit, no one deserves to go through that.” She couldn't help the laugh, but it wasn't humor, just one of those 'what else can you do' noises. “I don't know if it was shitty luck or genetics or what have you, but...the second time was a couple years after Mira was born, she...she got better but...”

He was silent, and she was grateful for that, trying to puzzle through this was sort of awkward.

“Umh...I guess she didn't want to? I mean, after the surgeries and treatments and everything, there was a point where she was supposed to be better, you know? But she just decided she wasn't. She didn't go out. She didn't clean, cook...anything.” She shook her head, and then sighed, sifting through the memories. “I was like...thirteen, I think. And my stepdad was...working, all the time. So I did everything. I can actually cook, you know. I'm actually pretty good...I just fucking hate it.”

“I can imagine why.” He didn't sound upset, which she was grateful for. “Is that why you feel so responsible for your sister?”

The question almost had her bristling for a moment, before she stepped back from her own brain a second and looked at it again. He was...he was right. Yeah, he was pretty damn right.

“It is.” She admitted, quietly. “Some afternoons and nights Mac would have to leave me home alone with her because he had to work, even though mom was in the hospital or whatever, I...I remember one night..”

The water turned off, and she impatiently reached up to wipe her eyes, giving a faint laugh. No tears, you're not trying to get him to feel sorry for you.

“I was like twelve, because mom was still in the hospital. And Mira was sobbing...and screaming...and she wouldn't stop. I'd made her mac and cheese, I found her favourite video, I...remember scrambling and crying, and the neighbor wasn't home, she'd always help me.” It was easy to laugh about it now, that stupid, panicked night. “Finally I found an old banana popsicle in the back of the freezer. It probably tasted like stale frozen food and the wrapper was filthy. It was the only thing that worked.”

She let out a little sigh, turning into a smile as she shook her head against her knee, arms tightening.

“She was cutting teeth. I had no idea, and I had no idea what to do. I'd gotten so good at pretending like I had everything figured out that no one had even stopped to think that I didn't.” Her smile faded a little, voice heavier. “Mom not wanting to step up any more just sort of meant I did everything. She was...I love her, you know. I guess when you say...I like being the center of attention? I got that from her.”

She listened to him turn off the shower, poking an arm back through an oversized sleeve and reaching over to pull the towel from the sink. When he opened the curtain, wiping off his face, she offered it up with a smile.

“Thank you, vhenan.” He murmured, and she nodded.

It was easier to keep talking when he turned away and went to get his clothes from the top of the dryer where he left them. Easier to talk to his back, as dumb as that sounded. Or to the floor, really, because that's where her eyes ended up.

“She was always on the phone. Gossiping, all the time. It was sort of her thing. She liked to know...everything. If you didn't tell her something, she'd throw a fit. It was like a game for her, and...it was so shitty she'd been so sick, but she used it over and over...I was doing everything, just resenting the hell out of her.” It was hard to admit, she still sort of cringed over what a little shit she'd been. Some of it she could joke about, but... “When I was sixteen I got busted for possession. It was only the third time I'd ever had anything on me, I...had some crummy friends, made some bad choices.”

“What was it?” He asked, and she wished she could tell what his tone of voice was, because it was sort of bugging her that he'd asked.

He had a right to, but it still bugged her. 

“Ummh, just some pills? Party stuff. It all got...there was worse stuff going on, I didn't have anything to do with that, so I just got yelled at a lot, spent the night in jail, and then went home. Cop was nice. Told me to get better friends.” She let out a sigh, stifling the urge to roll her eyes at herself. It was hard not to cringe at admitting what a little asshole she'd been. “Mom was furious...not cause I did it, but because I hadn't told her. She didn't want to help me, she wanted people to think she was helping me. All the reward, none of the effort. Suddenly I was her daughter the addict, and she was struggling so hard with me. It was a good sob story for a while, when being sick wasn't good enough for her.”

“Did you continue...?” It was then that she knew he'd heard Mira. Heard all of it. Not too surprising, considering the state of these walls. He sounded sort of sorry for asking.

That was nice of him. She was glad he asked even though it made him uncomfortable, much rather tell him instead of have him assume.

“No. I was so mad at her...stupidest reason not to do drugs ever, but it worked. I ditched all my friends, started actually doing my schoolwork for once in my life. All to spite her. I was a teenager, it was a good reason at the time.” Fingers scraped against her scalp as she scratched, more for something to do than to quell an itch. Talking about this made her fidgety. “I mean, no one believed me that I wasn't, you know. Because she wouldn't stop throwing the pity party for herself. Such a bad bad daughter she had. Mira saw that I was trying. I just...ignored it, there was always stuff that needed doing, but she'd pick fights with mom.”

“It sounds like she started knowing her own mind quite young.”

“Yeah. I probably didn't do a very good job raising her, I don't know. She shouldn't have had to defend me.” It was hard to look at him when he turned to face her, so she dropped her gaze instead, staring at the scuffed knee of his jeans. It was funny that for someone so put together, all of his casual clothes were so worn in. “Surprise, little kids don't make for very good moms.”

“They shouldn't have put that responsibility on you.” He told her, and she gave a little scoff. “I'm serious, vhenan, it makes sense that you would...”

“Act out? Try to feel grown up? Yeah, probably. You know, she wasn't a bad mom. She didn't smoke, didn't drink. Didn't even hit us. Okay, I got a magazine thrown at me once or twice, but I deserved those.” She grinned lopsidedly, shaking her head. It faded slowly. She continued, a bit more ruefully, “When I left, things were okay for a little. Then Mac just couldn't handle her any more. He met someone at work, and had the decency to divorce mom instead of cheating on her.”

“You sound like you're happy about that.” He pointed out curiously, kneeling down. At least he didn't try to make her look at him, but he did offer her a hand.

She took a few moments, and then sighed and slid her hand back out of the sleeve, sweater bunching around her wrist. Scarred fingers slid across his palm, and then he curled his around her, firm and tight. It almost made her smile. The slightest tug dragged her to her feet, and he led her out of the bathroom, across the living room. The puddle of coffee on the floor made her wince, but he gave her another tug when she stalled.

“I...was happy about it. He was good to me in his way, got me out. Clan and mom treated him like shit, but he put up with it all for way too long.” She admitted, and then gave a little laugh. “I thought...it would help give her the kick in the ass she needed. Nobody there to pick up after her, nobody there to...god, I feel like such a dick just saying that. I made the mistake of telling her maybe it was for the best, now she could get a job, and...”

“She didn't take it well.” He finished for her, and she nodded, though he wasn't looking at her. “Come here, my heart.”

This time the inward tug was towards him as he turned around and sat on the arm of the couch, and she sighed and let him pull her in, burying her face against his shoulder. She'd been waiting for him to...well, she didn't know, really. Be nasty, maybe? Make a joke about it? Maybe Mira's words had dug a bit too deep. They really were completely different, had she even expected him to really understand?

She felt bad now that she thought he wouldn't.

“I heard...a bit. I'm sorry, if I had any headphones, I wouldn't have...it makes sense now.” He sighed, and she just laughed, muffled against him and feeling safe again with his hand holding the back of her head. “Some of the things she was saying...”

“Mom spent a lot of time trying to make her hate me. I wasn't giving her good gossip any more, so...” She weakly murmured, keeping her voice just loud enough to be heard. “I feel so bad...for abandoning her, especially knowing now that mom was going to get sick again. I'm not saying I would have sacrificed myself for her. I think I still would have gone, I just wish there had been another way.”

“Thank you, for defending me. I know how much you care about her. I'm sorry that it's causing strife between you.” He quieted for a second as she laughed, and then asked, bewildered, “What?”

“There's...always something. This was just the perfect storm. Ugh, I just don't want to deal with her tonight...I was going to ask if you wanted to stay the night, but it's probably best that you don't until she's gone.” She groaned, rubbing her face in against him until he swayed dangerously, almost falling over the arm of the couch. “Mfh. Another lousy week split up.”

“Come home with me tonight.” He suggested abruptly, and she finally pulled back from him to gaze up into his face. “Perhaps it's a bit avoidant, but apparently we have to be a bit creative to actually get any downtime. It's going to be late getting in after work, of course, but as long as you're all right with coming home alone from the university tomorrow...”

“Yeah, of course, plenty of busses in the university district.” She dismissed, and then paused, tilting her head to the side. “You sure you want me in your space? Even though I'm a drug-addled, gold-digging loser on the edge of a mental breakdown?”

“I can think of no better use for my space than to have you in it.” He replied, giving a faint sigh and shaking his head. “Could you please not say things like that? I know it must be difficult to have your sister talk about you like that, but we both know she is completely wrong.”

“You're right, and I'm sorry.” She allowed, letting him tuck her head back in against his chest with a hand, resting her cheek on his shoulder. “I just have to remind myself that there's no magic switch from kid to adult on the eighteenth birthday. I can't expect her to...I've had years to get past all of it, while she was living it.”

“She didn't have to grow up as quickly as you did...thanks to you, vhenan.” He murmured, and she gave a long sigh as she lifted her hands and returned the hug tightly, fingers twisting in the back of his shirt. “I think you're very brave to do what you wanted to do in spite of it all. Is it true that you're really First to the Keeper of your clan?”

“I'm a placeholder. It was part of the 'I'm turning my life around to spite my mom' binge, but it didn't take Deshanna long to notice I was completely unsuitable. Mira will take over the instant she gets her vallaslin.” She replied wryly, pulling back a little to peek up into his face. “Why, does that make me too Dalish for you?”

“No, I'm just trying to imagine you sitting at a desk handling administration, and failing utterly.” He confessed, and it startled a laugh from her, bringing a slow smile to his lips. Damn it, she really loved his smile. “Enough of this. What should we do with the few hours we've scraped together? I'd like to actually do something, if I'm going to neglect my responsibilities.”

“We can go to Wynne's for breakfast? I wanted to introduce you to her, I think you'll like her. Then, maybe, I don't know. Poke around the shops, go for a walk?” She suggested, stepping back as he ran his hands down her arms and nodded. “Okay, I'll go get my purse. Thanks, by the way, for understanding.”

“I could do no less. We are a team, after all, aren't we?” He replied, and she rolled her eyes a little at the reminder, smiling as she stepped back, letting him hold her hands for a second before escaping. “You reminded me, when I needed it.”

“I know. Thank you.” She replied, giving a small sigh as her fingertips slipped out out of his hands, turning back for the bedroom. “I guess we all need a reminder now and then.”

She took a second when she entered the bedroom, and pulled the little ruined bird out of the trash, examining the pieces.  
Maybe it could be repaired after all.

It was worth a shot.  
They'd been bickering for about ten minutes now, which seemed to be a pastime they both enjoyed. It was fun to push each other's buttons. She had a feeling that picking on each other and play fighting filled a niche that they both sort of had missed. Not a lot of playful bantering in either of their families. Not a lot of goofy play-fighting or wrestling or silliness like that, either. It was fun to indulge.

Work had been busy, though they'd had a relaxing morning and early afternoon. Blowing off steam was doing them both some good. Pushing yesterday's dinner a bit further away with every passing hour together. She was grateful he'd suggested this, avoiding her sister or no.

Besides, she was curious about his place.

“Does it count as fast food if it's not grilled or fried, though?” Ellana asked persistently, peeking sideways at his face as the streetlights flickered over it, casting weird shadows. “I mean, it's tacos. Tacos aren't fast food.”

“You made the same argument for the sandwich shop. Fast food has to do with speed, not cooking method. It's fast food. Fast. It's right there in the name.” Solas replied, and she heaved a long-suffering sigh, slumping back in her seat. “Why are you so insistent that we eat that garbage? Did you forget to eat at work?”

“You're on my case about not eating enough. I just think it's weird you don't eat any fast food at all. Why do you hate efficiency, Solas?” An impish grin curved up the corner of her lips, and she teased lazily, “Don't tell me...you of all people have a problem with the corporate overlords?”

“Yes, that's right, vhenan, I rally against the establishment. I'm the one who tagged the new Rivani Trader's Market because they bought out the local shop.” He replied absently, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as they waited at the light. 

“Nah, that was Sera.” She replied, and grinned at the look of disbelief he gave her. “It was! I like how you're surprised by that, though.”

“I suppose I shouldn't be. She...baffles me. So many apparent ideals and so much resourcefulness, so little direction and purpose. She could do some actual good with all of that energy.” He seemed grumbly about it, which she found rather amusing. “I don't understand how she's content washing dishes and causing chaos instead of doing something with her life.”

“I didn't know you had opinions about that kind of stuff, though I guess it's not surprising. It really bums me out that you and Mira would probably get along really well if she stopped being an ass.” It was hard not to feel glum over it, her phone was, yet again, inundated with less than nice texts. Her sister hadn't been happy that she wasn't coming home tonight. “I think she'd really like you...”

“Give her time, my heart.” His hand settled on her knee briefly, giving a little squeeze. “She'll hopefully come around. You're working day shift tomorrow, aren't you?”

“Mmh. Ten to five thirty, I packed my work clothes. And Wednesday, remember? You make the schedule...” Her phone buzzed, and she pulled it out with a sigh, and then frowned. “Alistair. It'd better be an apology. What was up with him this morning? Ugh, I'm sorry he was so rude.”

“You...” He paused, and she glanced up curiously to watch his face. He seemed amused. “You really don't know why?”

“No...? What, did you say something to him while I was talking to Wynne?” She asked confusedly, glancing back down to her phone. Nope, just asking if she was coming home to watch a movie with them. She started texting back. “He's usually just the sweetest guy, I swear, he's not like that.”

“You really don't know?” He repeated, and she glanced up to glare at him. He wasn't looking at her, but she glared hard enough that hopefully he'd feel it. “Vhenan, I don't know if your occasional bouts of obliviousness are charming, or concerning. Your friend Alistair was rude to me because he's interested in you.”

“He is not...” She started reflexively, and then stopped herself, squinting down at her phone, and then out at the street as it rolled by.

Him being moody and grumpy at the diner. His weirdness since then, and then of course there was the cookie, and...Morrigan.

Damn it, Morrigan!

“Oh for fuck's sake.” She concluded, and he started chuckling as she sighed and slumped back in her seat. “Alistair has a crush on me. And you apparently think it's hilarious.”

“I think it's amusing you don't notice such things, yes.” There was a pause, and he glanced over at her for a moment with an odd expression, before turning his attention back to the road, flipping on the turn signal. “I assume you have no problem with my lack of jealousy?”

“No, I'm not one of those people who gets off on it...” She muttered absent-mindedly, before the weird tone of his voice penetrated. “Take it you've dealt with that before?”

“At great length.” The exasperated voice made her laugh, and the sound pulled the corner of his lips up into a faint smile. “You have no idea how relieved I am by the idea that I will likely never have to witness the dysfunction that is Andruil's relationship ever again.”

“Sure didn't seem healthy...” She agreed, words trailing off as he turned into the parking lot of his...building. Okay, admittedly this was not what she was expecting at all. “Uh...hon, I thought you said you had an apartment?”

It wasn't just not apartments, it was one of those overpriced, above the ritzy little boutique shops, quirkily designed condo buildings. Post-hipster, urban gentrification condos. 

“I didn't, no, but there isn't that much difference between a condo an an apartment building, other than the extremely irritating home owner's association.” He replied absently, and she stared at him as he pulled into the parking spot. 

She'd never seen so many damn electric cars in the same place. Yeah, Leli and Josie were fair...but this was not a 'manager at a diner' money sort of place.

“Please tell me at least you somehow pay for it yourself.” She sighed, lifting a hand to rub her forehead. “And this isn't somehow subsidized by your aunt. Because that would sort of count on the 'not getting away from your family' front.”

“I do not take money from my family.” He sounded offended, and she raised both eyebrows as she stared at him, crossing her arms. He returned the look, and eventually he offense was replaced by faint chagrin. “I don't rent, vhenan...I own it.”

“Mhmm.” She replied, keeping her arms crossed as she slowly tilted her head to the side.

“It...was a birthday present.” He finally admitted, and at her sigh, protested, “Am I supposed to give up my home? My name is on all of the paperwork, it's not as if they can threaten to take it from me.”

“You already know how I feel about it, which is why you didn't tell me about it.” She pointed out, finally turning to unbuckle her seatbelt and grab her bag from the floor. “I guess I just find it weird that it doesn't bother you. It would bother the hell out of me.”

“Even with the high taxes and fees, it still comes out to be less than renting an apartment.” He declared, and she gave a faint 'uh huh' as she slung her bag around her shoulder and reached for the door.

He kept talking as they got out of the car, not seeming to notice that she'd stopped giving him disapproving looks. Actually, at this point she was trying to hide a smile. He was trying so hard to justify it to himself. It was pretty obvious. No one could self-guilt like Solas, it seemed. He had it down to an art form. Poor guy.

“If I tried to sell it now, I wouldn't get nearly enough. There's more buildings in the area with empty units than sold.” He took her hand absently as they crossed the parking lot, voice still rather thoroughly defensive. “It's a very imprudent time to be putting real estate on the market.”

“That seems sensible.” She agreed as he keyed open the door for her, smiling and slipping through. “Thank you.”

“You're welcome.” He replied distractedly, and then immediately started in as they headed to the elevator. Most of these places she'd heard were kind of shoddily built, but this one seemed nice enough. The lobby was, at least. “It seems irresponsible to not at least try to recoup the investment, even if it was not my money spent. While it's not the most convenient to work and the university, nothing really is, and it's at least somewhat equidistant from both.”

“Mmh.” She replied agreeably, and as they stepped into the elevator, he finally seemed to realize she wasn't attacking him. Blinking, he glanced down at her after hitting a button. Top floor, too. Of course. “I didn't want to interrupt you, you seemed really passionate about it.”

“I...” His words stalled as she grinned, and he sighed and shook his head, voice somewhat irritated. “Yes, I feel badly about it.”

“Really. I hadn't noticed.” She retorted dryly, and then laughed as he pulled her in against his side with a grumble, arm tucking under the strap of her bag. “You had that whole argument practiced, didn't you?”

“It is entirely possible.” He allowed, and then dragged her out of the elevator after him as she laughed. “Also, it was my aunt that gifted it to me, getting rid of it would be...”

“Fair enough.” Her fingers tightened in his, and she smiled lopsidedly, keeping her voice placid. “You have more excuses than I have desire to argue.”

“They are not excuses, they are reasons. There is a difference.” He replied, getting a little tense again until she gave a faint, neutral 'uh huh' under her breath. “I am...not...arguing with you, am I?”

“Nope!” She agreed sweetly, releasing his hand after brushing her lips against it. “You're arguing with yourself! But go ahead, you're really good at it.”

A long-suffering sigh was his only response, and she just grinned and slumped against the wall next to the door as he unlocked it. She probably was being a smirky asshole, because the look he gave her was equal parts fondness and exasperation, eyes narrowed as he pushed open the door. 

“Get over here.” He ordered, grabbing her by the elbow and tugging her in after him, while she laughed. “Or I'll make you sleep in the hall.”

“They'd have me arrested for being a hobo in their fancy building.” She replied cheerfully, and then laughed as he pulled her over the threshold, glancing around with open curiosity. Less white than she'd expected, at least from what she could see. “Hmmmh...”

The desire to snoop was rising, as she freed herself from his grip, kicking off her shoes and then bending down to pick them up. He tugged them out of her hand, and she glanced over as he opened the closet next to the door.

“I find it sort of hilarious...” She began, and he glanced over his shoulder curiously. “That you have an entire closet for three...four pairs of shoes and a single jacket. They look so sad in there.”

“A jacket and a coat.” He pointed out to her as he straightened up and started unbuttoning it. “Don't tell me you're joining Dorian's crusade to mock my wardrobe. If I'd known he was going to take offense, I would have never showed up at work in my street clothes.”

“No, I just think it's funny you have all that space, and nothing in it.” She replied breezily, shrugging off her jacket. “To be fair, half the time I'm no better. I understand the allure of wearing something until you have no choice but to get rid of it.”

“By which you mean your collection of t-shirts that are falling into pieces, and your hooded sweatshirts that are missing both cuffs and zippers?” He asked, and she made a face at him as he took her jacket and hung it up. “At least my clothing is in one piece.”

“Your favorite jeans have a hole in the butt.” She informed him, and then grinned as she wandered into the living room, curiously. Way nicer couch than hers. Way better view, too. “This is not me complaining. I...”

It was lived in, but kind of spare. Not minimalist, just the home of someone who had a lot of space and not a lot of stuff. She kind of expected it would look like his aunt had decorated it, honestly, but it was very...him. Lots of books and book shelves, which he seemed to use as decorations rather than getting tables and knick-knacky stuff. He didn't even have a coffee table.

There was, however, a painting on the far wall, between two mismatched book shelves. Oil, and absolutely gorgeous. All warm and earthy colors with hints of darkness, it drew her in, arms wrapping around her stomach, digging the strap of her bag between her breast. Her head tilted to the side, and she examined it curiously. 

“It's like...looking down a city street at sunset through a kaleidoscope.” She finally decided, and he gave a small laugh, arms sliding around her from behind, pulling him in against his chest. “I know that makes no sense, but...”

“It does. My father painted it. I never had the chance to meet him, but Mythal gave it to me when I moved out.” He told her, a low murmur against her ear, warm and pleased. “I will always be grateful to her for that...I know how much it hurt her to lose him, and I never had a chance to know my parents. She's all I've ever known. She says that he had managed to sell some other pieces, I always wonder if I will turn a corner some day and find one hanging in a shop, or in someone's home.”

“I'm sure you will.” She replied confidently, and then smiled as he leaned down to kiss her, lips pressing to her cheek as his arms tightened. “It really is beautiful. I never really had any talent with...putting emotions on canvas like that. I guess that's why I sculpt instead of paint.”

“I think...you could do anything you set your mind to. And I think...there is a great deal of emotion in your work, in its own way.” He murmured against her, and then pressed another kiss, gently pulling back. “We have to be up far too early, and should likely get to bed. It's almost eleven thirty, vhenan. I need to be on campus by nine.”

“And I work at ten.” She agreed with a sigh, giving the painting one last look before letting him capture her hand and pull her into the hall, though she did peek into the kitchen. Actually looked like he used it. “Seven thirty?”

“Six thirty?” He countered, and glanced over his shoulder with a hint of a smile touching the edge of his lips.

She grinned impishly, nose wrinkling.

“Seven.” She countered, and he gave a long sigh, opening the first door on the right. “Oh come on, you'd rather have a half hour less of sleep just to get in some cuddling?”

“Yes.” He pulled her in, gesturing with his free hand. “Bathroom is across the hall. We'll split the difference? Six fourty five.”

“It's funny that we now have to schedule the sexytimes. Should we get an agenda? Pencil each other...” She began teasing, and then trailed off as he turned on the bedroom light. Besides being officially jealous of his windows, she was... “I want your bed. I'm taking it home with me.”

It was like twice the size of hers, and probably twice as thick in the mattress, and the blanket looked like it could eat her alive. She sort of needed to steal it. Suddenly she understood his whole 'taking up as much space as possible when sleeping' thing.

“You can't have my bed.” He replied smugly, letting go of her hand and wandering over to a laundry basket set up next to the closet. Walk in closet. Okay, this was getting officially unfair. “You're lucky I'm sharing it.”

“I hate you.” She replied sullenly, and he gave a low laugh, muffled as he started stripping. “We're skipping the sex, wake me up an hour early so I can kick you out of the bed and enjoy it alone.”

Slinging off her bag, she wandered over to drop it next to the nightstand. Amusingly, the only messy surface in the whole place that she'd seen, and barely that. Just cluttered with the pocket-contents of a busy person. Probably someone in the habit of emptying out his pants and then passing out at night. The lamp she was making him would fit nicely on it, if he cleaned it up. She was almost done with it.

“I come with the bed. Sorry, my heart.” He responded, a small chuckle escaping him at her scoff, ending in a hint of a snort. 

That was so damn cute. Ugh. 

“Fine...fine...” She sighed, and started stripping herself, sort of in a hurry now. “Shower quick, then bed. Don't worry about my laundry, I'll lug it home with me.”

“Are you certain?” He asked, and she glanced over and gave a quick nod, wriggling out of her pants. “I don't mind doing it.”

“Don't want you to have to bring in my clean clothes to work with you or something. Your place is less convenient than mine.” She replied, balling up her clothes and crouching down to shove them in her bag. “I should probably text Mira back. Start the shower? I'll be right there.”

“Just don't get drawn into an argument, my heart. You'll regret it.” He suggested, and she watched him walk for the door with a contented half-smile. 

Mmmh, boyfriend butt.

Admittedly, at some point the word had stopped being a curse. Probably when she reminded herself that it came with the butt. They'd become synonymous. Also she liked the rest of him, too, which helped. Especially the interlocking bits. She didn't just mean the dick, to be fair, there was the lips and the hands and tongue, too.

“I'm objectifying you again!” She called, fishing out her phone and sitting on the edge of his bed. Okay, yes, he also came with this bed, which she was pretty sure she could find a way to steal. Maybe hire Zevran to break in and steal it. 

“At least have the decency to do it to my face, vhenan!” He called back, and she started laughing, though it faded as she thumbed open her phone and started checking her messages.

At the top of the list, waiting for her ominously, an unknown number.

For some reason, it was making dread settle in the pit of her stomach, and she couldn't quite figure out why. Well, that was a lie. She did know why. Which asshole would it be...?

 

9:43 Ellana, this is Solas' aunt Mythal. I would like to speak with you at your earliest convenience. Thank you.

 

She stared at the text. The text stared at her. She opened her mouth to shout again, as the shower started up, and then closed her mouth. Conflicted, biting down on her lower lip, she stared at the phone in her hand, the dread becoming sickening. 

She's all I've ever known.

His words, stuck in her head, twisting around like the nausea in her stomach. Fucking hell. Somehow she knew it was going to end up like this, didn't she? He hadn't seen a single thing wrong with her, through that whole dinner, but...Ellie had known. There was something off about her. Just like she'd known when Mythal had lost her smile, when he'd stood up for himself and they'd walked away. He'd broken the script or something, and she didn't like it.

Hesitantly at first, but then with more firm purpose, she began to type.

 

11:33 I think we both know you don't have anything to say that I want to hear

11:34 I'm quite sure that I could convince you to listen, my dear. You seem sensible.

11:34 Not interested in games sorry. Whatever it is if you can't say it to Solas then you don't need to say it to me...good bye

11:35 So forthright and stubborn! You remind me of myself when I was young. Let me give you some advice I wish someone had given me, all those years ago.

11:36 Be very careful who you upset. We'll speak soon.

 

“Vhenan! Mira can wait until morning!” The call snapped her out of staring at the texts, and she opened her mouth again without saying anything.

What the hell could she say? The texts looked just as bad for her, if not worse than Mythal. He'd probably just defend her, say she was being friendly and Ellie had been rude. He had...no idea. He would defend Mythal, she knew that. The last thing she wanted was to put herself between him and his aunt. 

She was pretty sure she'd come out the losing end if it came to asking him to choose a side.

Frowning to herself, she finally deleted the texts and turned off her phone, tossing it in her bag before rising to her feet. A big part of her new the right thing to do would be to tell him, but she just couldn't. Could she? Maybe, maybe she was just being paranoid. Veiled threats were practically 'hi how are you' in his family.

No. No, damn it.

Steeling herself, she rose from the bed and headed for the bathroom. She couldn't tell him. The last thing she wanted was for him to be hurt again.

They hadn't come this far just for her to lose him now.


	17. Chapter 17

Yesterday had been fun. Both in like...the good way, and the sarcastic way. Ellie needed that bed. It was a thing. It might actually be worth the pain in the butt getting out to his place on Sunday morning if she could just spend the day in it. She'd texted him a few times asking how the bed was, if it missed her. Solas didn't seem to find it as funny as she did.

After work last night Mira was sulking, but at least seemed amenable to getting a pizza and just hanging out. Silently. Which was awkward, even despite the fact that they were watching a movie. At least she seemed to have exhausted her anger, because it was straight up brooding and not hostility. She didn't do anything so functional as telling Ellie she didn't want to talk about it...because that wouldn't be Mira. 

She just stewed.

In the morning, things were calmer, which was nice. Ellie had gotten up bright and early, got breakfast, let Wynne once again fix all of her accounting mistakes, (seriously, the woman was a freaking lifesaver, she needed to do something for her) and then they'd sat down for breakfast and money talk.

Mira was the one person she could talk about with this stuff, which was good, because...well, it was her money, wasn't it? Her school money, at least, which made it all a lot more easily talkable. Numbers were nice and concrete. Something they could discuss without feelings digging their way into it. It helped ease out the last of the bumps between them.

“So...yeah. Basically I can use the weekend job for my own personal expenses, and then after I pay my rent and bills, I can start dumping part of my diner check into the fund.” She finished, with a small nod. “I know you're going to get on me about the hours again...”

“Well, you're not gonna listen.” Mira pointed out, reaching for her coffee again. “So I won't. We need to talk about the caravan, though, because the money from mom we put aside to get me through the rest of the year isn't going to last any longer than next spring. All my part time job money is going to food and savings.”

“Can we put that off until your graduation?” She suggested, and got a small sigh from her sister. “I really don't wanna sell it, Mira. Maybe when I come for your graduation, I can do some reno. Fix it up. I'll budget some money, maybe a couple grand? I can push commissions and stuff. Then we can rent it out.”

“Nobody's gonna want to rent a caravan that old, Ellie! We're lucky it's old enough to be retro, someone might buy it, but no one's gonna want to rent it.” Mira replied disgustedly.

“Didn't Belan's son just have a kid? Maybe he and his girlfriend...” She started, and then stopped again at the roll of her sister's eyes. “What?”

“They built a house, Ellie. Face it, there's no way to save the stupid thing. You're being unreasonable about it.” Mira's voice gentled a little bit, losing some of its dismissive chill. She had a feeling it was because of her expression. “Hey, I'm sorry. I just...hate it when you do this to yourself. You have enough stress without holding onto it.”

She was getting tired of hearing this, honestly. It was home. Sure, maybe it was a dumb idea to keep it, but it was all she had left, and...ugh. She'd figure out something. She had to. It's not like she wasn't going to go home some day.

“You're my stress.” She replied sourly, rocking against the counter as Mira shoved her shoulder. Her gaze shifted sidelong, and met her sister's, and they stared at each other for a few moments.

A whole lot of things not being said, because honestly, she wasn't going to fight to justify herself to Mira. If she was gonna adult, she could adult properly. Ellie didn't owe her a justification, and she didn't have the right to spill Solas' history. She had a feeling Mira was starting to understand that, even if she wouldn't say it out loud. That was her sister, though. Stubborn as hell.

“You're...really happy?” The reluctance with which she said it was sort of irritating, but at least Mira was trying, which was more than she usually did. “I mean, like actually happy. Like, you can somehow look past all of this shit, and this isn't you just ignoring it.”

“This isn't me ignoring it. This is me understanding that sometimes good people do, or did shitty things. And sometimes people fight to turn their lives around after they do.” She replied, and then maybe a bit unwisely, pointed out, “Look at Anders, Mira.”

“Anders was doing the right thing!” Mira protested, but quickly wavered under her hard stare. “...In less than...legal ways. But...c'mon, it's hardly the same thing at all!”

“Tell that to Marian.” She replied, and when her sister winced, relented slightly, “No. It's not, you're right. But...well, I like having him around, and...I'm not ready to give him up. Not for his crummy, evil family, no matter how hard they try, and not for you, either. I do everything I can for you, Mira, but this is...”

“Selfish.” Mira sighed, and then at the narrow look she gave her, “I meant me. I mean. Sort of, anyways. I don't think I'm wrong about him, but...I don't get it. I'm not going to. I don't like him. And...I'm not going to do that, either, but...I haven't...seen you like this before, so. Y'know. It's all...”

“It's...whatever. It is what it is. And it doesn't have to be a big deal, okay?” She replied to her sister, as they rapidly-devolved into speech that no one else would comprehend. But at least they'd get each other. “So you don't...I want you to, but I can't make you, so it's just...”

“I know. That's the part I don't get, it's all...you don't...do that, Ellie. I mean, you don't care that I don't.” Mira replied, and she sighed and reached for her donut, breaking it in half. “Is this like...a big thing? Like...do I need to get a dress thing? Because that's pushing it a bit far for what you expect me to be okay with.”

“Shut up.” She replied, well aware that the tips of her ears were probably bright red. Glaring at her sister, she crammed a bite of eclair in her mouth and spoke around it. “We're not...even close to thinking about...We're not anywhere. I'm barely okay with the word 'girlfriend', okay?”

“You've changed.” This time it wasn't an accusation, as Mira stared at her, lips twisting to the side. “I mean. You're handling this different. Finally growing up?”

A moment passed, silent and heavy as she stared at the counter. It was different. She wasn't quite sure if it was her that changed, or if everything else had and she was just kind of trying to keep up with it.

“I don't know, bug. I really don't.” She admitted with a faint sigh, not taking the least bit of offense. What did grown up even mean? “I really think we've got this whole college thing covered, with the grants and everything. Long as you keep your grades steady for the last couple months. I've been focusing on that so much that I didn't really...I mean, you know how it was always going to be.”

“I figured you'd end up staying here, no matter what you said. I mean, you're pretty happy here, right?” Mira replied, watching her as she straightened up and moved to dump her mug in the sink. “I didn't think you were serious about keeping the caravan, moving back home.”

“W all go home, right? Isn't that what Deshanna always says? Come home when you've got it out of your system.” She laughed, pointing out as she picked apart what remained of her breakfast, “Lyna and Tamlen are heading back to clan as soon as he finishes school, by then Sabrae should be all good and settled with us. I think they're probably getting married. Gross. Merrill, I don't know.”

“If we even still have our land for Sabrae to legally re-settle on.” Mira replied sourly, and she heaved a sigh and rolled her eyes. She'd better not start another fight about Solas. “...Anyways, at least they're being smarter about it than Taliman. I really think Zathrian had some good ideas, but...”

“You really seem to keep confusing illegal and morally questionable with valid protest strategies, Mir. Now that he's in jail, maybe they'll smarten up. Ugh. You know more about this than I do, can we please not discuss clan politics before I have to go to work?” Pushing away from the counter, she shoved the last of her donut in her mouth and spoke around it. “You want to walk with me and say hi to Josie? She was asking about you last night.”

“I...” Mira flustered, cheeks reddening as she grinned broadly. “Shut up, Ellie.”

“So is that a yes or no?” She prodded, moving to grab her jacket and shrug it on. Don't needle her. It was cute, but the last thing she wanted was Mira in a snit again. “What are your plans for the day?”

“Cole and I are going to go to the park when he takes a break from working, then I'm gonna go get my hair done.” Mira replied, moving to get her jacket as well. “You really need to drag him out more.”

“I try. I do! He and Merrill do things sometimes.” She replied, grimacing a little. She was right, though, she really did need to do more stuff with him. He tended to blend into the background a bit too much. “I'll be home by six. Isa's?”

“Yeah. My flight's at four tomorrow. Ali's gonna drive me.” Mira stopped awkwardly as they stepped out into the hall, and she turned to lock up. “Ellie, about Ali...umh...I know you don't notice stuff, but...”

“Yeah. I know now. Solas was nice enough to point it out to me.” She sighed, pocketing her keys and turning for the stair. “No, I have no damn idea what to do about it. I was just going to ignore it and hope he got over it.”

“For some reason I think I'm probably supposed to tell you that's a bad idea, but...I've got no better ideas.” Mira confessed, and Ellie gave a faint laugh under her breath. “I mean, I know I tease you about being bad with that stuff, but it's...”

“Alistair.” She finished the sentence, and Mira murmured agreement. “It'd be like kicking a puppy in the face. He hasn't said anything, so I'm not going to, either. If he decides to, I'll...dunno, figure it out then.”

“He's tougher than people give him credit for, you know. I...” Mira trailed off as she opened the front door for her, and they ducked out to the sidewalk. 

Blinking, they both turned around and glanced up, avoiding the messy dropcloth on the ground. The building was...wow, that was a mess. Usually they'd just tag a wall and leave it, but this time they'd really gone for it. All black, too. Jeeze. Would take a couple coats of white paint to cover that up. Not cool at all.

And the choice of nasty words was pretty...yikes.

“G'morning, Mister Rainier!” She called up, as Mira examined the spray paint scrawled across the front of the building. “Teenagers again, huh? Jeeze, they really got it good this time.”

“Hoped I'd have it cleaned up before any of you ladies had to see this.” He replied, glancing down from the top of the ladder. He had a bit of paint in his beard, which made her grin. “Needed a bit of fresh paint anyways.”

She moved to grab the side of the ladder as he clomped down, giving a small shake of her head as she examined what he was working on covering. Not really hard to guess what it used to say, not with the 'UNT' still hanging out there. Not to mention all the other rather obviously uh...female-centric slurs that hadn't been covered up yet. Kind of reminded her of cousin douchebro...

Oh. Oh shit.

Talk about a gut-bomb of a thought.

...She wasn't feeling so good any more. But it couldn't be, could it? There were always teenagers tagging things around here. It must have shown on her face, though, because Thom gave her a clap on the shoulder with one of his big, gnarled hands.

“I'll have it gone by lunchtime, Ellie. Sorry you two had to see this.” 

“Just looks like a lot of work for you.” She replied, offering a quick smile to try and cover up the nagging unease in her stomach.

“Yeah. What complete assholes! Did you have cameras, at least?” Mira asked, giving a slow shake of her head. “Because seriously.”

“Got some after last time they tagged up the block, but I couldn't quite figure them out.” Thom confessed, scratching a hand through his hair, peering up at the building. “Suppose I'll have to get that done. Seemed a bit dodgy to go recording out front, but...”

“You can just send a notice around. I'm sure most people in the building will understand. It seems like a pretty good idea, honestly.” She declared, maybe a bit too abruptly, because Mira was giving her a weird look. “Anyways, I should probably get to work. Hope the painting goes fast, Mister Rainier.”

“You two take care. Good to see you again, Mira.” He replied, leaning over with a sigh to tip paint into the pan. Pausing, he glanced up again, squinting against the sun. “Ellie! Don't forget the lease paperwork, now. End of next month it's up. I put a copy in each of your mailboxes.”

“I'll text Merrill and let her know!” She agreed, grabbing Mira's arm as her sister waved, dragging her off. “C'mon. I'm gonna be late. Let's go say hello to Josie.”

That seemed to distract Mira sufficiently as they headed up the hill, a glance back over her shoulder sort of driving home a fact she was avoiding thinking about. A big, glaring black 'BITCH' stared back at her, directly across the first floor windows, and she frowned. 

Yeah, no, this wasn't random teenagers. They tagged things, they left their doofy marks. This was an attack. 

Probably paranoia to think it was aimed at her, but...well, the thought stuck around.

 

 

It was Mira's last night. She should be heading out already. Instead, she was dreading stepping out the back door, leaving work. Ellana really couldn't figure out why, it hadn't been a bad day, but she'd been sick to her stomach for the whole of it. Uncomfortable, off-kilter, just sort of...wrong. 

After clocking out, she probably should have headed home, but she really didn't want to be feeling this crummy all night. It'd ruin any possible fun. Instead she headed into the office, plopped down on the couch, and pulled her knees up to her chest, resting a cheek on one.

“I could set my watch by you.” She heard Leliana teasing out in the hall after the door opened, her voice slowly fading out. “Keep an eye on Olivia, please.”

“Last time you said that to me, the person in question was fired by the end of the week.” Solas' voice almost roused a smile, that pleasant little flutter in her chest more comfortable than it used to be. Her stomach was way too upset right now, though. “Should I be concerned?”

“Possibly!” Leliana laughed, sound cut off by the door closing heavily.

Ugh. Olivia. Well, if that was true, she could anticipate some extra last minute shifts next week. Not welcome, time-wise, but the money would be nice. 'Keep an eye on' was Leli code for 'I'm three seconds from firing this person, give me the last straw'. She was a good boss, but boy could she be ruthless. Kept crappy employees from hanging around, though.

She knew his routine well enough. Break room, clock in, then head to the office after checking the kitchen. It'd take less than a minute, it always did. When the door opened, she glanced up and over, not lifting her cheek from her knee. It took him a couple seconds to notice her, and then a slightly puzzled expression turned into a smile. She returned it by habit, even if she wasn't quite feeling it. It was hard not to, considering the way his eyes were all soft and he looked so damn happy to see her. It made the gross feeling in her stomach just a little better.

“There you are.” He greeted, and she unfolded as he reached a hand for her, letting him pull her up and in. “I was hoping you hadn't left without saying hello and goodbye.”

“Nah, just lurking for an ambush. Need a hug.” She replied quietly, even as his arms securely folded around her, pulling her in against his chest. Ugh, this was where she wanted to be right now. “Did you have a good day?”

“More or less. Rather busy, I'm sorry I wasn't able to text you much at all.” He replied quietly, hand smoothing over her hair as she let out a relieved sigh. “Not trouble with your sister, is it vhenan?”

“No, just feeling a little crummy, needed a pick me up.” She'd already decided she couldn't tell him. If she did, she'd have to tell him about the texts, and she already knew how he'd react to that. “You're a good pick me up.”

“I'm pleased I could help.” He murmured, and then sighed quietly as her fingers tightened in the back of his shirt, clinging to him. “Be careful, my heart, or I might be tempted to sneak over tonight, despite us agreeing I'd stay away until this weekend. You're beginning to make me worried.”

“Shh. Almost done.” She promised, tilting her cheek into the cup of his palm as he brought his hand up, the warmth of it seeping into her. Security. There was just something so damn comforting about his hands. “I know, I know...You have to w...”

The last word was cut off by the relaxed, deliberate press of his lips, and she breathed out the last of it into his mouth. It was gentle, but still passionate, her lips already parted to greet slow insinuation of his tongue. It was a good thing his other arm had slid around her waist, because that little flutter had turned into all sorts of butterflies. It was like he'd found a way to make her feel the things she wouldn't let him say, trapped in a kiss, in the reverent stroke of his fingers along her cheek. 

He kissed her until she forgot to breathe, and she was pretty sure her heart had forgotten how to beat, too, because when he pulled back she felt it start again. Their eyes met, his thumb slowly trailing across her cheek, over her lower lip as he smiled. When she smiled back it felt like she was being torn in half by the edges of it.

No.

She couldn't possibly tell him. 

She couldn't lose him now.

He gave a faint laugh as she abruptly buried her face against his shoulder, fingers clutching at the back of his shirt again. He didn't know, and so it was safe. He probably only thought she was hiding from the way he was smiling at her, again.

Let them come, she wasn't giving him up. Painted insults and nasty texts wouldn't do it.

“I do have to work.” He reminded her, and she made a small sound of protest in the back of her throat. “I know, my heart. You will have to try and enjoy yourself for both of us tonight.”

Steeling herself, she sighed and pulled back, gazing up into his face. She must have done it for longer than usual, because he gave the slightest, quizzical tilt of his head. After a few moments she shook her head, and offered a lopsided smile. 

“Nothing. I'm in a funny mood.” Her eyes closed briefly as his fingers stroked back through her hair, and she finally gave up her grip on his shirt, letting the fabric slip away. “You need to move away, or I'm going to make you keep doing that.”

“You're making it very difficult to leave you.” He sighed, but carefully released her all the same, stepping back and gazing down at her. “You're certain you're all right?”

“Sure. No problem.” She assured, managing something closer to a normal smile. “What's my chances of getting you to come home with me tomorrow night?” 

“Fairly good.” He responded, the concern in his eyes fading as he smiled. “If I can turn your mattress over, even better.”

“Or...we could replace it with yours, just saying.” She laughed, letting the mask of normalcy slip over the little knot that refused to leave her stomach. He sighed at her, and she finally turned away to get her bag. “It's almost my birthday, you know! I can think of the perfect present...”

“You are not getting my bed.” He told her sternly, and she laughed again, letting herself be swatted out of the office. 

And if the hand on her rear maybe curled in briefly for a little grope, well, nobody caught them. 

The kiss goodbye at the door, though, that got a disgusted scolding from Sera. Neither of them really minded, to be honest, even if he got flustered. It was almost enough to have her feeling better.

Almost.

 

The rest of the night pushed away the last of the nasty feelings. The beer helped, but more than that, it was just nice to spend some time with everyone. Anders didn't start any fights, Carver wasn't moping, and after the diner closed, Cullen managed to come by for a beer. Even Morrigan had managed to find a babysitter and came out for a little while to torment Alistair, who was acting more normal.

It was all a relief, really, a bit of normalcy and cheer to make her forget all about that nastiness. Mira was having the time of her life, and didn't mind that she kept harassing her to drink water. Dummy didn't know her limits yet. The hangovers were evidence enough of that. They didn't fight at all, and it was just...nice.

Everything unpleasant could just wait a little longer.

When they got home after Isabela kicked them out at last, all the graffiti was gone, no trace of it left to bother her.

And when she fell asleep at last, it was with her phone warm against her ear, and Solas on the other end reading her the book he was studying. She drifted off mid-sentence, his voice becoming nothing more than a soothing blur of sound before she lost it altogether, cheek tucked atop the pillow in her arms.

It wasn't him, but it worked.

It was nice to have a little bit of peace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

11:42 Sooo...how you doing?

11:45 Grading papers. So, I am regretting the current state of the education system. I wonder if the students from Tevinter even realize that plagiarism is not allowed.

11:46 Sounds like they ll learn quickly ;P What's today?

11: 46 One hopes. What do you mean? It's Friday the 3rd.

11:47 ...NM :)

 

“And that's another thing...” Varric sounded so exasperated that she couldn't help but grin, reaching for his coffee cup, hip resting against the table. “Why exactly do you think I'm capable of controlling what she does or doesn't do? Didn't you talk to Leandra?”

“She listens to you.” Aveline countered, as Ellie poured the cup of coffee and slid it over to Varric, reaching for the officer's cup. “Thank you, Ellie. I can't remember the last time she bothered to listen to me or to Leandra.”

“She's taking this all a bit rough. Hawke's not the kind of woman that likes having her hands tied. Give her some time.” Varric responded, and then held up a hand as she pushed away from the table. “Hold on a second. Your sister headed home, right?”

“Yep! Yesterday afternoon!” She replied, flashing a quick smile between the pair. Aveline was already cutting into her burger, but she didn't blame the woman. Half the time she was called out the door before she could finish her lunch. “Some big protest this weekend before the court case next week.”

“Have your Keeper give me a ring. I lost her number. I want to make sure the lawyer I recommended is doing his job.” Varric told her, and she gave a nod, head tilting to the side questioningly. “He's good at his job, I'm just not crazy about the guy, that's all. Want to keep an eye on it. You'd think a lawyer would be a bit less sanctimonious.”

“What, really?” Aveline interrupted, and she glanced between them curiously. “Is that even his type of case? I thought he was working for Chantry legal aid now.”

“I got him to convince them it would look good to help out the Dalish. He still feels bad about that whole mess with Hawke.” Varric admitted, weathering the woman's dark stare from across the table. “He's got the resources, and he's a better lawyer than the clans could afford on their own...no offense, Ellie.”

“None taken, it's true.” She replied dismissively, and then flashed a little grin. “I just hope he knows what he's doing. At least this time the lawyer won't just take our money and run, because hey, we're not paying him.”

“If he said that he'll do it, he will.” Aveline reassured her, and she returned the woman's smile, nodding her head slightly. “Sebastian keeps his word. I just find the whole thing very odd. I suppose...”

Sebastian? 

Not exactly a common name, was it? It couldn't be, could it? Oh, for...

Aveline trailed off as Ellana slapped a hand over her face and started laughing, luckily remembering not to do so with the coffee pot. When she dragged her hand down, amusement still coursing through her, the look Varric and Aveline exchanged just had her giggling all over again. 

“All right, what did I miss?” Varric asked, and the woman across the table lifted her shoulders, both of them turning their attention to Ellie.

“Just...one more layer of awkward entanglement...in the bizarre spiderweb that is my life.” She laughed, shaking her head slowly as the pair exchanged another look. “I think my...I think Solas went to school with him.”

“No shit?” Varric asked, and Aveline gave a faint 'hmh' from around a mouthful of food. “Well, I'd say that's strange, but it makes as much sense as anything around here ever seems to.”

“Yeah...I'd better get back to work, though, just give me a heads up if you need more coffee, I'll check in on you in a bit.” She replied, amusement mixed with exasperated acceptance.

She'd say 'what are the chances', but honestly, around here? Pretty good. She'd almost forgotten Varric had helped out with the lawyer, it'd been so long since this whole mess started. She needed to do something nice for him, too. Big old list of people she owed. Ugh. 

Seemed to get longer all the time.

 

13:33 Did you figure out yet??

13:56 Figure out what, vhenan?

13:58 What today is dork...im not going to tell you you know ;)

14:02 Well, it's certainly not your birthday, that would be three weeks from now. Are you going to tell me, or just keep asking if I know? I'm not certain I can figure it out without help.

14:04 Just gonna keep asking :D Did you know that ur friend from school is the lawyer helping out with the ostwick case?! I found out Varric told me. :P that means he was Marians lawyer too. SO WEIRD. But thats my life right?

14:05 Really? Sebastian Vael? I suppose now I'm feeling a bit embarrassed I haven't been keeping up with what he's been doing. I should call him, shouldn't I? Is it your sister's birthday?

14:06 Yep its him I googled. (CUTE btw now I know why bethanys got a crush) And nope didn't get it yet. Miras a summer bby :) 

14:07 Should I be worried?

14:08 Nah I still like you best :x   
14:08 You got that boyfriend butt

 

“Yvette has now decided she wants to study portraiture. Portraiture! After spending a year and a half in the literature program!” Josephine sighed exasperatedly, setting the bin of loose silverware down on the bar with a noisy rattle. “I asked her where exactly she expects to find the money. I told her that this was her last chance to change programs. That she was done with this...this frivolity.”

“And...let me guess...” Ellie started sympathetically, dumping out the coffee grounds and grabbing a clean filter.

“She started crying. What can I possibly do to impress the seriousness of this upon her?” Josephine sighed, hands busily rolling as she set to work, deft and easy. “It's not that I want her to continue a program she isn't happy in, she just cannot seem to make up her mind! I'm tempted to pull her out of the University of Val Royeaux altogether.”

“Why not? Ship her down, put her to work! If she's gonna spend your money, at least you'll be getting some work out of her...” Ellie started, and then paused at the look Josephine gave her. “What?”

“I just had not considered that.” Josie confessed, and then pursed her lips and glanced over her shoulder, at the dining room. “Do you think it could work? I would have to ask Leliana, of course.”

“I don't see why Leli would have a problem. If you enroll her at university, it's not like she would be living with you guys. Solas and Dorian get down here okay from uni, there's plenty of buses.” Ellie pointed out, starting the coffee machine and then turning towards the bar to help her roll silverware. “Your sister is a great girl, but honestly, Josie, it's because you work so darn hard that she's got a chance to pull this stuff. I mean, I don't know anyone else who can run a business and manage all that portfolio stuff you do.”

“Keeping both feet on the ground is essential. And having something to fall back on should the worst happen...well.” Josephine flustered, managing a small, grateful smile. “I do enjoy the work, even if we did fall into it a bit. To be fair, Leliana does most of it, I just come in and make sure things run smoothly.”

“Stop that. You do a ton, and everybody knows it. Maybe...maybe Yvette just needs to see how hard you work? She doesn't appreciate it.” Ellana pointed out, setting another rolled silverware on the bar. “Everybody's gotta figure that stuff out eventually. I feel kind of bad Mira had to learn so early, but...”

“You take very good care of her. I hadn't realized you had lost your mother.” Josephine remarked, and she gave a small shrug and smiled, chagrined. “For someone who enjoys chatting so much, Ellie, you don't say a great deal about yourself.”

“I prefer hearing about other people. They're way more interesting than me.” She replied playfully, turning to fill the coffee pot as the machine gurgled, signaling the end of its cycle. “Plus I'm actually a superhero, so, you know. Gotta keep it close to my chest. Gonna go fill up the goth kids.”

“I believe they are called 'emo' these days.” Josephine mused, beaming softly at her laughter. “Though I may be behind on that as well. Could you please see if they actually plan to order something?”

“I can already tell you the answer to that one!” She called over her shoulder, laughing again at Josephine's weary sigh.

 

15:45 Are you driving? Ur driving :D did you figure it out yet??

15:47 Why do you text me if you know I'm driving? And no, I haven't. Will you be taking pity on me yet?

15:48 Nooooope. NOPE!! Whats today??

15:52 The day you finally drive me insane, my heart.

 

 

She was in the kitchen chatting with Dagna and taking a breather when Solas got in, though she didn't notice until she heard the time clock, and glanced up, nose wrinkling. Lifting her straw to her lips, she slurped at her soda and met his gaze. After staring at her a few moments, he pulled out her time sheet, examined it, and then sighed.

“She fired Olivia.” He remarked, and she grinned around her straw, unrepentant under the reproving stare he turned back on her. “You have a very long weekend ahead, did you really need to take the hours?”

“You're cute when you disapprove of me.” She replied cheekily, and then turned to wink at Dagna when she laughed.

“Come here.” He demanded exasperatedly, and she set down her drink and sauntered over, letting herself be caught by the elbow and dragged in. “You've been texting me all day, and you couldn't be bothered to tell me you were at work?”

“Mmh...” She replied, lifting one shoulder in a shrug. It was hard to keep the small smirk off of her lips. “Something like that. Hi.”

“Hello.” He replied, and then the tug dragged her in through the break room door, pulling her after him. “Are you going to tell me yet, or are you going to continue with this silliness?”

“I'm going to keep being silly.” She confirmed, as he leaned down and nudged his nose against hers, her lips curving up into a slow smile. “Hey, babe, you might clean up nice if you put in a little effort. Wanna go out some time?”

“Are you negging me?” He teased, and when she gave a faint 'hmmh' and glanced aside, murmured against her lips, “I have a girlfriend. You'll have to be disappointed.”

“You'll ditch her soon enough. I'm irresistible.” She replied smugly, and then laughed when he forewent kissing her to dip his head and give the side of her neck a little reproving nip. “Don't get me started. Some of us try to work around here, you know.” 

“You?” He asked in disbelief, and she laughed, tilting her head against his shoulder as he pulled her into a proper hug, arms around her waist snugly. “You are ridiculous. And in the strangest mood.”

“I'm adorable. And you like me.” Lifting both hands to his cheeks, she squished them as he stared at her, and then grinned and popped up on her toes to steal a kiss. “Mmmwah. Okay. Gotta work.”

“You're not supposed to make the noise.” He replied with a chuckle, but obediently let her go, shaking his head. “Go away and stop charming me, I need to pretend that I know how to wield authority, at the very least.”

“Nobody's fooled.” She told him, and then squeaked and ducked through the doorway as he tried to swat her ass, laughing as she ran back through the kitchen. At the door, she slowed her pace, grinning as she peeked aside at Dagna. “I'm behaving, in case anyone asked.”

“Well then, you're doing better than me!” Dagna replied cheerfully, and then lowered her voice, “We both know I haven't don't anything in the break room, right? I don't even know where those rumors started.”

“Your girlfriend, probably.” She replied, and they both grinned at each other, until the dwarven woman shrugged with a sigh. “Nobody's got anything better to gossip about, I wouldn't take it personally.”

“I don't! Leliana just laughs. Your orders will be up in a minute. Are you coming Sunday night?” Dagna asked her hopefully, as she bumped the door open with her hip. “You don't work, right?”

“I told Sera I would try, but I'll have to check with Solas. It's my one night off.” She replied, slipping through the door and back out into the bustle of the dining room. “I'll text one of you guys! I haven't been to a show in ages...”

 

It would be nice to go out and do something. They'd been on, what, a single date? And he'd slept through it. Granted, it'd been a perfect date about as far as she was concerned, but not exactly ordinary. The thought stuck in her brain, and eventually she ducked behind the bar to text him. She could have gone and found him, but it was the middle of dinner rush and finding him would require resisting the temptation to stick her tongue down his throat. He'd made her really bad at resisting temptation.

 

18:03 Hey cutie, how about a date?? Seras got a show Sunday night :)

 

She received an answer as she was running checks, a little vibration in her apron. She slid it out, and checked it under the hostess stand while the receipt printed.

 

18:24 Only if you get enough rest, and you let me treat you. Take your break at 8, and please eat something. That part is from both your manager and your boyfriend.

18:25 We're staying at your place Sunday night :D My bed misses me  
18:25 OH OH REMINDS ME! When I was at uni I grabbed a thing to give to you its in my bag.

18:25 Show me later. Come see me when you're on break.

 

For a Friday night, it wasn't too bad. Some crummy tables, a few shitty tippers, but in the end it was evening out pretty well. She was up a couple hundred in tips for the night when it was break time, not counting the morning's. They weren't allowed to tip out the kitchen, for tax reasons or whatever, but Cullen had told her before that they made up for it, so she didn't feel bad about it.

Rather than taking her plate to the break room, she just paused to grab the pamphlet out of her bag, and then headed to the office. Solas was in the phone, so she just quietly claimed the couch, after closing the door behind herself. Listening idly as he finished up his call, examining the application in his hand, she started sopping up her pile of barbeque and mayo with her french fries.

After all, french fries were basically only for condiment delivery.

When he finally hung up with a sigh, leaning back in his seat, she licked the corner of her lips and then flashed a quick smile. He returned it, shaking his head, and then leaned forward as she offered the pamphlet, pulling it out of her pocket.

“What's that, vhenan?” He asked curiously, getting to his feet and crossing the floor, taking it from her fingers.

“You said your uncle never let you do arts stuff.” She replied, as he flipped it open and examined it. “Your dad painted, right? They have beginner's classes on campus.”

“I...” Surprise wandered across his face, and she scooted aside so he could settle down next to her. “I hadn't actually considered it. It's sweet of you to think of it, vhenan, but...”

“Is it a good but, or is it an excuse but?” She interrupted, and while he examined the pamphlet and considered it, she ate a couple more fries.

She watched the frown touch his lips, as he closed the pamphlet and turned it over, his eyes finally meeting hers.

“A bit of both?” He finally replied, and then halfheartedly matched her smile. “I will think on it. Thank you.”

“How's adjusting the schedule going?” It was kind of a side-step, but by now she'd figured out that he did need to think about stuff, and not just be pestered about it. “I can pick up hours.”

“I may need you to. I'm sorry.” He apologized, and then sighed at her shrug. “I will, if you let me give you a day off the week after.”

She gave him a betrayed look, tearing off a bite of her cheeseburger. While she chewed, he lifted a hand to idly massage the back of her neck. If he was trying to get her to surrender, he was...doing...a pretty good job, actually.

Eyes slitting closed, she swallowed, and then let out a slow sigh.

“We'll take off Thursday. Both of us. I won't take your weekend tips...” His voice was low, soothing, and damn near seductive. Though, that may have been partially due to the massaging. “We can stay at my place, go out and do something, like people who actually know what free time is...”

“Mmmh, you know how to get me wet.” She replied lazily, and then cracked open an eye to check and see if she'd gotten him flustered. Yep. Yum. “I guess I could be convinced.”

“Good.” He replied, with a hint of that irresistible blush lingering, and reached over to steal one of her fries. “And I will acquiesce to going to having my ear drums destroyed Sunday night, if we can spend the rest of the day doing precisely nothing.”

“No fucking revelations, no little sisters, no cousins, no family dinners.” She paused when he heaved a long sigh, and smiled, leaning her head against his shoulder. His arm slid around her, and he stole another fry with the other hand. “Sounds pretty good to me. Hey...”

“Hmmh?” He asked, pulling his hand back from her plate, turning his gaze down curiously.

“Do you know what today is?” She asked mockingly, lips curving up into a playful smile.

“Do you?” He replied, and then chuckled as she glared and grabbed her burger again. “I'm beginning to think that you don't, since you will not tell me.”

“Reverse psychology doesn't work on me.” She mumbled around her mouthful, and then set to eating as he kissed her temple and began to rise.

He took the pamphlet with him, at least, and she saw him glance at it before tucking it into his pocket.

Good enough.

 

She was delivering her plate to Sera when her phone buzzed, and she lifted it out of her apron, lips pursing. Not clocked in, still time for some texting. She assumed it would be Anders, passing the evening's gossip from the store before her shift, but it wasn't. It was him. Curiously, she slid her phone open with her thumb.

 

20:28 Come share a bite with me?

 

The little flutter, as always, made itself known immediately, and she had a feeling she was grinning like an idiot. Sera gave her a weird look, but she just laughed, turning on a heel and heading for the fridge. It was hard not to run, but she did her best, coming to a skidding stop as she reached for the handle.

Yanking it open, she spun through into the chill, letting it seal closed behind her firmly. She could hear him chuckle before she turned to face him. She could feel her stupid, betraying heart thundering, the silly flutter turned into a...flock of butterflies, or whatever the proper term was. She could feel her stomach twisting around itself, smile hurting the edges of her lips. 

She had to lift a hand to try and hide it as his eyes met hers, and he silently offered her the fork.

He remembered.

Of course he remembered. 

“Well, we've conquered a whole month. Shall we try for two, vhenan?” He asked her, and then laughed quietly as she threw herself at him, arms latching around his stomach as she hid her embarrassment against his chest. “I will take that as a yes.”

“Yes.” She agreed quietly, giving a little, embarrassed laugh. “Though...maybe we could try for this one being less exciting?”

Her mind was lingering on the texts, the graffiti, but she pushed them aside. No. Not now. Not tonight. Honestly, she'd be happy if she never had to think about all of it ever again.

“I think that's an excellent goal.” He agreed, and then gently nudged her, bringing the smile back to her lips. “The cheesecake isn't going to eat itself, you know.”

“No, I guess not.” She agreed, and then expectantly tilted her chin up.

“I have to feed you?” He asked, low and intimate, but with a smile. She really adored that damn smile, the way it made his whole face lighter. “You know how inappropriate that is.”

“I do.” She agreed sweetly, relaxing as he reached out to cut a bite off the waiting cheesecake. “Thank you for suffering the indignity for me.”

“Anything for my heart.” He promised, offering the bite as she cuddled in against him, warm despite the chill of the fridge.


	18. Chapter 18

The door chimed noisily as she slipped in, wishing as she always did, that she had time to shower between the diner and the corner store. It wasn't generally the lack of sleep, or the boring shifts she regretted, but that. Being gross. She listened with half an ear to Anders and Orsino plotting something, while she went into the small back hallway and clocked in. Second lap of the weekend marathon. Or maybe third, if she counted those extra hours she did this morning. She'd noticed the look Anders had given her when she went past the counter, but ignored it.

Yeah, Solas had walked her to work, because he was still being a pain in the ass about Andruil, especially after her nasty texts. Yes, she'd noticed the dirty look. Anders could cram it up his ass.

He didn't get to have a say in her relationship, no matter what the hell Mira told him. And if he tried to say something?

Well, he'd regret it.

“Ellie, have you been taking your breaks?” Orsino called back as she hung up her jacket and bag, pulling out her phone to slip it into the pocket of her pants. “Meredith informed you about the break policy, hasn't she?”

“I don't think so? Let's be honest, I didn't have much training.” She replied absently, trying to avoid saying something about how they kept ditching her here alone. How was she supposed to take breaks when there wasn't anyone to watch things?

“I told you. She's deliberately misinforming people about policies. People don't even know their own rights!” Anders pointed out, and she avoided rolling her eyes. “Just because she's the district manager doesn't mean she can get away with these things. We should go to corporate.”

“Meredith gets the numbers. It's not that easy, Anders.” Orsino replied, and she squinted sidelong at him. “Ellie, make sure you take your half, even though it's overnight. It's mandatory.”

She was tempted to say something, anything, as Anders grabbed his drawer with a sigh and went to count it out. She at least waited until he'd gone into the cramped little office before she opened her mouth, but Orsino interrupted her before she could say anything.

“I know. I'm sorry. What time do you want to take your break, I'll do my best to be here.” He told her, and she stifled a roll of her eyes.

Again, a lot of things she could say, but even if she hated the hours, she really needed the money. She had a feeling that overlooking the shit Meredith and Orsino pulled was sort of a mandatory part of not getting replaced. How Anders survived this place, she had no idea. She did kind of find it amusing that Orsino didn't want Anders to know he kept fucking off who knows where during her shifts, though.

Why was working a register job so complicated? These people needed to get a life that didn't involve sniping at each other all the time.

“I don't care. It's fine.” She replied, lifting her shoulders in a shrug. “As long as you don't care that I eat at the counter.”

“It is against policy...” Orsino started, and when she lifted an eyebrow, he finished, “Just be discreet. The last thing you want is Meredith deciding she has a reason to dislike you.”

“I breathe and exist.” She replied, and he hid a smile with an abrupt clearing of his throat. Weird to see him almost smile, he was so dour. “I get it. I know how to keep my mouth shut. Obviously.”

She leaned on the last word a bit, and he nodded at her awkwardly. Silently she rested a hip against the counter, wondering how long it would take him to catch up. It's not that she disliked Orsino, or cared that he was basically pulling a paycheck for time he spent doing his own shit. It was the fact that he expected her to cover for his ass that kinda bugged her. 

But, you know, he was the 'friendly' one. Right. At least Meredith was honest about being a horrible bitch. Orsino just let her be a bitch instead of dealing with it so he could keep getting away with stuff.

“Do you think I could get a drawer?” She finally asked, trying not to sound impatient. “Nobody's trained me to do it myself.”

“Right. Of course.” Orsino replied distractedly, shoving his phone away and turning back for the office as Anders clocked out. 

She slid her phone out as Anders pulled on his jacket. Probably cowardly, but she'd rather look at her phone than him right now. She liked him, she did. They'd been friends for a few years now, but she knew how he could get. If he didn't feel like being all up in arms about it, maybe they'd be able to talk, but he'd have to make the first move.

She wasn't going to.

“Ellie, you...” He started, and she deliberately ignored him, opening up a text message and starting to type. She wasn't even sure who she was texting. “Would you just look at me?”

“Don't feel like getting glared at again.” She replied shortly, and he sighed. “But please, let me know all of your excuses for encouraging my sister to fucking fight with me. As if it's any of your damn business. As if any of this is your damn business.”

“I...” He sounded a little frustrated, but finally sighed in defeat. “You're right. I'm sorry. But Ellie, it's just ridiculous! You could do so much better...”

“Why does everyone keep saying that to me? Why does anyone think they have the right to measure him without knowing him? For that matter, why do you think you know what I deserve?” She glanced up, irritated. No, more than that. She was actually angry. “You know what? I don't deserve him. He is way too good for me, and it has nothing to do with his family, or fucking money he doesn't even have. He is an amazing guy.”

“You shouldn't say those kinds of things about yourself.” Anders told her, and she slitted her eyes at him, finally glancing up. “All right. I'll let it be. Wouldn't want to give you a big head, after all.”

The joke almost roused a smile, and she rolled her eyes with a sigh. He flashed her a grin, and she twisted her lips into a little grimace.

“Stop trying to be charming at me. I'm not going to forget that you're an ass. If I didn't change my mind for Mira, and I didn't let his family scare me off, there's no way you're going to be able to do it.” She informed him dryly, and then lifted a brow at the worried look he gave her. “What?”

“His family's giving you trouble?” Anders asked, and she sighed heavily. “Ellie, what's going on?”

“Nothing you need to worry about. They're just not happy about it, that's all. Making me the bad guy, trying to chase me off a little.” She replied, but couldn't help but take the opening. She did want people to like Solas, after all, she might as well give him a different villain to hate. “They've been trying...to drag him back in. I mean, they've made it really hard on him since he turned everything around. And he's basically cutting them out, and even though it's not about me, it's...”

“They think you're the problem?” Anders asked, and she shrugged and twisted her lips to the side. “I can see how that'd make things...”

When he trailed off, she turned off her phone and tucked it away. Was she witnessing a real moment of self-reflection? From Anders? She should record it for Marian. She'd never believe it.

Some of the amusement must have shown on her face, because he heaved a long sigh.

“It's not the same thing. He has done terrible things, Ellie.” Anders insisted.

“And I am poor trailer-trash who's encouraging him to stand up for himself. So I guess you're just as right as they are, Anders.” She replied placidly, as Orsino wandered out with a drawer. “People change. You don't have to get to know him, I'm not gonna make you. But I'm not going to put up with you talking about him like that. You don't get to be my friend and do that. Okay?”

“Okay, okay...” Anders replied defensively, and she crossed her arms, head tilting to the side. “I said okay, Ellie. Just...”

When he stopped, she lifted a brow, waiting expectantly.

“Wait...they're trying to chase you off? Mira told me about the graffiti on your building, was that...?” Anders asked, and she heaved a long sigh. “It was, wasn't it? Ellie...”

Ugh, never ending gossip. Why did she always forget that?

“I have no way of knowing that. Let it go, Anders. It was just a little paint.” She replied flatly, crossing her arms. “They'll give up when they don't scare me off. I'm tough. And don't you dare tell Mira that.”

“Okay, I...okay.” Anders finally replied, and she relaxed. “Jeez, Ellie, you really can pick them. As if life wasn't hard enough.”

“You're one to talk.” She replied, and they shared a grin until he shook his head and pushed away from the counter. “Go away, Anders. Find a new crusade, you're not welcome in my relationship.”

“You'll regret it!” He called over his shoulder, heading for the door. “I'm excellent in threesomes.”

“Well, you've gone from hating him to trying to sleep with him, so I guess that's progress!” She called back, grinning as he laughed and pushed open the door, skulking out into the darkness.

“I don't even know what to think of half the things I hear some days.” Orsino remarked, and she stifled a little smile. Easier to do as he continued speaking. “I need to go handle some things at another store, will you be all right? You can call me if you need anything.”

“Yep.” She replied, ignoring the fact that he was flat out lying to her. She'd been ignoring it since she started, after all. “I'll be fine.”

Ellie didn't have the heart to tell him she knew exactly what he was doing all night. Because, hey, she needed the money. The less she admitted to knowing, the less likely they were to get rid of her. Keep her head down, keep her mouth shut.

He was Sera's dealer, she knew that much. 

That and he delivered.

 

 

Tonight was proving to be boring. Not surprising, and not super unwelcome, but she had absolutely nothing to do. Everything was stocked, she'd done the cleaning list in like the first hour, and now she was just browsing the internet on her phone and trying not to fall asleep. When the door chimed around one, she was so damn excited to have a customer that she'd practically jumped over the counter to greet them at the sound.

At least, until she'd realized it was Alistair. She felt bad for the momentary wariness, when it registered that he looked seriously distressed. She didn't even think he'd seen her, heading straight for the fridge section, gaze locked on his phone.

“Hey, Ali...” She stopped her from using the habitual nickname, though it was hard. Kind of a dick move to make it worse, though. “You look a little rough.”

He startled, and turned to give her an awkwardly spooked look, relaxing when she flashed a grin. Flushing, he cleared his throat, and glanced back to the fridge.

“I forgot you were working here. Yes, I...suppose I am.” He admitted, reaching up to scratch at his jaw, and then sighing in defeat. “I need help, Ellie, please. Morrigan asked me to take Kieran for the day tomorrow, and literally all we have in the house is beer and leftovers. What do children eat?”

Okay, it would probably be mean to snicker, so she she settled for a grin, ducking around the counter to join him. Hard to remember what Morrigan fed him, but she was pretty sure if she was going to be that picky, she would have said something to Alistair.

“That's good, though, isn't it? I mean, that's a big step up from 'I don't want him to know you', right?” She offered, and got a genuine smile out of Alistair. “Or is that why you're freaking out?”

“It does feel a bit like a test.” He admitted, and then sighed. “But what did I really expect? She can't stand me, I should be grateful she's giving me any sort of chance to spend time with him.”

“Hey, even considering working something out is progress. At least you two have never exposed him to it, right?” She pointed out, turning to grab a bundle of bananas from the aisle shelf. Hard to remember what he liked, she never spent much time around Kieran, but kids were kids. “Fruit, maybe some peanut butter, something you can cook for dinner without burning down the house...”

“Yes...” Alistair drawled, drawing the word out. “And while we're wishing for the impossible, why not a healthy, friendly relationship with his mother. Oh wait! She hates me.”

“So order a pizza.” She pointed out with a laugh, shoving the bananas at him. “Juice, milk, bananas, peanut butter, bread, some sort of snack, and then order in dinner and you're good. Just no soda or candy. She hates that stuff.”

“So no soda or candy...but I should order a pizza. What about kale? People are supposed to eat kale, right?” Alistair asked, trying to make it a joke and failing miserably.

“Not six year old boys, Ali. Pizza's okay. She'll pretend to be annoyed, but probably be okay with it. And this way you're the cool one.” She pointed out, going to get a basket, taking over the shopping. Dumping in a jar of peanut butter, she went to get some bread, Alistair trailing after. “You'll be fine. He loves your dog, you guys can take him to the dog park or something.”

“Should I get him a puppy?” Alistair asked her, sounding a bit at sea, but corrected himself at the look she gave him. “Too soon. Right. Ellie, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing!”

“Welcome to fatherhood. So, you're six years late to the party. You'll catch up.” She replied, shoving the basket at him. He took it, and then finally met her smile with a hint of one himself. “Ali. You'll be fine. This is good. This is what you wanted, remember?”

“Right. Right.” He replied, jaw firming up, voice calming. “This is what I wanted. I can do this.”

“I mean, I raised a kid when I was one myself, how hard could it be?” She quipped, heading for the counter as he examined the juice. “You can always call Wynne if you don't know what to do. If this works out, you know she's going to be freaking over the moon. Her grandkids are over in Val Royeaux, she never gets to see them.”

“All those jokes about her being a grandmother, coming back to bite me.” Alistair sighed, and then shook his head. “No, you're right. Rhys has been on me about this for a while. Stepping up and being a father.”

“You couldn't do much when Morrigan didn't want you to. You guys have made the best of an awkward situation. Who cares if it's normal or not?” Applicable to so many things, really. She slid her phone open as she leaned against the counter and waited for him, idly going back to the dumb game she'd been playing. “Kieran's a good kid, happy and healthy. That's the part that matters.”

“Yes. Ellie, I...” He set the basket down on the counter and she glanced up, trying not to let the trepidation show on her face.

That was really the tone of voice she was hoping not to hear. Really not the time or place or...anything for awkward confessions. Especially ones she didn't want him to say. The chime of the door was a surprise, but welcome, because it went and interrupted him. While he glanced over his shoulder, she grabbed the basket and started checking him out. 

“Like I said, you'll be fine!” She continued cheerfully, dumping things into a bag, keeping her voice quick and easy. “Take him to the park, watch some movies, hang out. Kids aren't scary. They're just small people with way too many opinions for their size.” 

“Some of them, no matter how old they get.” A voice interjected, lofty and smooth, with just a hint of gravel.

A voice she knew.

She had a feeling her expression had gotten a bit wooden, because Alistair gave her a few strange looks as she mechanically took his payment and shoved his bags at him. The whole transaction was handled with her deliberately not looking to his left, at the woman waiting for him to leave.

Part of her wanted to stall him, keep him, but she found herself passing off the receipt quickly, offering him what felt like a reassuring smile as he headed off. There was a couple more odd looks as he retreated, but she just shook her head, lifting a hand to wave.

She kept the smile until the door closed and she saw Alistair wander off to his car, and then it fell, instantly. Ellie probably was looking downright hostile, because she was feeling pretty hostile right about now. 

“Late night snack run? The ice cream's on sale.” She informed Mythal, crossing her arms over her chest. “I'm a fan of the fudge ripple stuff.”

“Oh please, my dear.” Mythal replied, condescending amusement in the tilt of her lips. Her gaze shifted sidelong finally. She always dressed to kill, didn't she? “Do we really need to be so unpleasant? I came to speak to you.”

“I don't know what you want from me, and I really don't care.” She replied, fighting the urge to get defensive. It was hard not to, feeling like she was intrinsically on the losing end here. “I just want to be left alone, okay? If you have something to say, you can say it to Solas.”

“Ellana. My nephew has made some less than wise choices over the last decade. Now, I've wanted to be supportive, I really have.” Mythal sighed, gloved hands folding together gracefully. “This has gotten out of hand, my dear. I appreciate that you have...different values than we do, but surely you can understand the importance of wanting someone to have the best future possible.”

“You know I'm scared of you. I mean, that's not even in question here. You know I didn't tell him, so you know I'm scared of you.” Ellie started, scratching the back of her neck restlessly, stopping when she felt her nails bite in. It was fear in her gut, twisting around itself, but she had a feeling Mythal sort of underestimated what she did when afraid. “We both know what you came here for, though I have a feeling you were going to dance around it instead of saying it straight out, so, listen...”

Mythal smiled at her, smooth and polite. Why did it remind her of a shark? Sharp and sleek and waiting to fucking tear a leg off. Again, it made her afraid, and that just made her...

Harden right up.

“I'm not leaving him. I don't give a shit if you threaten me. I don't give a shit if your little thug of a son tags up my building.” The smile lost any semblance of pleasantry, but she kept it as Ellana continued doggedly. “You know, I've been sitting here thinking all this time that he'd never pick me over you, but if you're coming to me and not him...? I guess you feel exactly the same way.”

“That's quite enough, Ellana.” Mythal replied simply, still completely unflustered. Whatever, she was flustered enough for both of them. All sorts of...flustering. “Your determination and courage are very admirable, my dear. You are a credit to your family and your clan. Much more substance than any of my useless brood.”

It didn't sound complimentary, no matter what the words were. The smile was genuine now, even pleasant, but Ellie still had the sinking feeling that she was being led to the slaughter. It was the smile of someone who had already worked this all out and found out that they'd won. She didn't feel defeated, though, she was too high on adrenaline, singing in her veins, stiffening her spine.

“I feel very sorry that I have to do this, but frankly...this is more important than his infatuation with you. This is more important than your feelings, his, or even mine, Ellana.” The smile gentled, as she pulled her purse around, and thumbed it open. “It's a lesson we all have to learn at some point. You should feel fortunate that learning it will be so easy for you. It was not for all of us.”

She felt her stomach tense as she realized what Mythal was pulling out of her designer purse, the slim leather folio that she flipped open. The check was already filled out.

She'd never seen so many zeroes in one place in her life.

She tore it out with perfectly manicured nails, while Ellana stared, jaw tight, stomach leaden.

“What is going to happen tonight, is that you are going to take this check. You are going to secure his future, and...you are going to secure your sister's future. I'm not buying you off, Ellana. I'm offering you a better life for both of them.” Amber eyes glanced up, fixed on her face as she offered the check between two fingers. “We both know that's what you really want. Do you really want them to have to struggle, day to day, fighting for a life that you could hand them with ease? All you have to do is stop being selfish.”

“And if I tell him...if I show him that check, and I tell him what you tried to do...” She replied numbly, mind already trying to race and catch up. It was like playing chess against one of those AI computers.

She was fifty billion fucking steps ahead.

“It must be so difficult, my dear, to work so hard to support your sister. You're a very brave young woman, I only want to help.” Mythal replied smoothly, the check still extended between them. “I understand it must be very difficult to swallow your pride. I only wanted to help, I feel awfully for insulting you.”

And he'd probably believe that, wouldn't he? Of course he would. He was completely blind to his aunt, she'd seen that in action. He thought she could do no wrong. Fine. That just meant she needed to defend him from her.

“And I understand....that you want to hold on to the one kid that managed not to get completely fucked up by your apparently shitty parenting style...” She replied icily as Mythal's gaze went from pleasant to hard. Anger had replaced fear, stupid as it always was. She didn't care. She was pissed. Who did this bitch think she was? “But you need to understand something. I don't need...your money.”

She plucked the check out of Mythal's nails, crumpling it up and dropping it into the trash can behind the counter before she could snatch it back. She kept her gaze locked on the other woman, watching all the niceness fade away.

“I don't need your approval. And I sure as fuck...don't need your condescending life lessons, Mythal.” The anger cracked, just a little. It hurt her. Hurt her how much he cared about this damn woman. How could she do this to him? “I'm one thing you can't buy. Just...just leave him alone. He's happy. If you care about him at all, just let him be happy. Please.”

Silence stretched between them as Mythal calmly tucked her checkbook away, buckled her purse. When she finally broke it, her expression was pleasantly bland once more, with that same smooth smile once more in place.

“Ellana. The future awaiting my nephew right now is one I cannot stand to see him suffer through. It may seem romantic now to suffer together, but in the end...it will be that suffering that destroys you both.” There was an air of finality to the words, as the cold, perfectly-coiffed woman drew herself up, tucking the purse under her arm. “I'm very sorry that you've made this choice. I still admire you a great deal.”

“Please leave.” She replied numbly, watching as the older woman turned and headed for the door. “And please...don't come back.”

There wasn't anything left to say, really.

The nausea returned as she watched the woman pace out of the store with the snap of expensive stilettos, the cheerful chime of the door hanging in the silent air.

She was outclassed, outgunned, and probably outplanned. What could she possibly do? He'd never believe her. Not over Mythal. All she could do was hope she'd give up, right? Hope that this would be the last of it, that it wouldn't escalate.

There was no way it wouldn't, was there?

Shit.

 

 

 

Early in the morning Saturday. Too early for her to be contemplating the call she was about to make. Exhausted, filthy, tired, she should be slumping into the shower and then into bed. Instead, she was standing outside the door of the shop with the phone to her ear. 

It was six in the morning. Maybe this was a terrible idea, expecting too much, it...

“Mmnh?”

Warm and slow in her ear, the lazy murmur roused a little shiver, her lips curving up into a smile.

“I'm...sorry.” She offered, and the low noise turned vaguely pleased. Okay, that was kind of sweet. “I shouldn't call you so early, I just...wanted to say good night.”

“Come to bed.” Solas grumbled, and she laughed.

She couldn't have possibly expected coherence from him, could she have?

“I'm about thirty minutes away, and exhausted. I'm going to bed in my bed.” She informed him, starting to walk as he gave a displeased growl. She shouldn't be so happy he was annoyed by that, but she was. “I...I wish...I was there, too.”

The admission took a bit of effort, but fuck it. If she was going to face down Mythal for him...

Fuck it.

She wasn't going to let them win. If that meant she had to...whatever, get over stuff, then fine. Suck it, family from hell.

“I will be there soon. Let me just...” He mumbled, and she gave a faint laugh, padding across a crosswalk. “Shh, vhenan.”

“No, you won't. I'm sorry for waking you, I just wanted to hear your voice.” A hint of regret now. “Selfish. Sorry. I shouldn't have bugged you. And on a Saturday.”

“It is all right.” He sounded a bit more awake, and chuckled drowsily when she sighed. “You forget, usually I have morning shift on Saturdays...”

“Yeah. You said you switched it, right?” She fumbled out her key as he gave a sleepy 'mhm', a slow murmur in her ear. “Damn, don't make those noises at me. I have to stay awake long enough to shower.”

“You sound exhausted. You shouldn't have taken those...” He trailed off when she shushed him, and then he sighed again. She listened to him shifting in the bed as she shouldered her way into the building, heading for the stairs. “Very well. Are you going to let me come get you tomorrow morning, at the very least?”

“Mhmm.” She agreed, slogging her way up the stairs slowly, shoulders slumped. Ugh, stairs. “Provided we go back to sleep afterwards. I am really going to screw up your sleep schedule.”

“I am not that old.” He protested, though she could hear the smile in his voice, warmer when she laughed under her breath. “Don't torment me like that, my heart, or I really will get up and drive over there. I do enjoy the sound of your laugh.”

“And I'm supposed to avoid laughing because you like it? What else should I avoid doing? I wouldn't want to make you uncom...” She trailed off to yawn, opening the front door. Already unlocked. Well, Merrill was an early riser.

“I suppose there's very few things you could do that I wouldn't find alluring.” He admitted, and she gave a small snort. “Hmnh?”

“You're not fooling me. You always wake up horny.” She kept her voice down as she slipped through the apartment, stifling a faint smile at the noises coming from the other side of the apartment. “Apparently you're not the only one. I'd better hurry and use the shower before they finish.”

“I will never understand how casually you ignore those sorts of things.” His voice was little more than a mumble now, pleasant and low.

“Try being a teenager at the Arlathvhen. We were literally tripping over each other out there in the woods. Then there was summer leadership camp...and then that whole phase I went through in college...” Closing the bathroom door, she tucked the phone against her shoulder and started stripping out of her pants. “Phone's not waterproof, hon. I'm going to hang up on you.”

“Where were you when I was a teen....never mind, I answered that question for myself.” He sounded so disgusted with himself that she laughed, a quiet 'snrk' under her breath. “Oh, be quiet. Sleep well, my heart. I'll see you this evening.”

“I'll send you a little encouragement.” She offered, toeing off her socks, and got a faint murmur of approval in response, low and enticing. “Provided...you send me a pic of the aftermath for once.”

“You'll delete it?” He asked guardedly, and when she wordlessly agreed, relented. “You are...very talented at getting me to break all my rules, vhenan.”

“What else are they for? I'll see you later.” She replied, and then quickly hung up before he could formulate a response. She'd started to notice that getting off of the phone with him took some work.

Sometimes she just had to cut it short.

She was exhausted, but she took an extra couple minutes to make sure she got a pretty damn good shot to send him. She knew it was a good one, because he'd sent her a pic back before she'd finished drying off and slumped into her pajamas.

If only she wasn't too tired to appreciate it properly. For a few moments she considered saving it, but finally sighed and deleted it, once she'd attempted to imprint it on her memory. She really needed to work more handjobs into their routine, hard as it was. It was...pretty hot, to be honest. If only she wasn't such an impatient pain in the ass.

As she went to bed at last, all she could think about...was how damn lucky she was. The crumpled up check in the pocket of her pants was all but forgotten. Almost.

She was half asleep when she remembered it, heaving to her feet wearily and slipping back to the bathroom, grabbing her pants from the laundry. The check, sticky from a bit of spilled soda in the trash at work, ended up at the bottom of her receipt box on her work table.

She'd figure out what to do with it when she wasn't so damn tired.

 

 

Work was busy, when she'd gotten in, and remained so until about eight, when everything got weirdly quiet. The loss of adrenaline made her aware of just how tired she was, but a five minute stolen snuggle break and a fresh infusion of caffeine had pushed it back again. She hadn't asked him to switch to Saturday nights, but she was grateful he was here. It helped push through it, having him around. It was weird how just knowing he was close by made everything a little easier.

But that was veering into uncomfortably sappy territory, and she wanted to work, not turn into a blithering mess.

Also maybe the guilt was making it hard to feel good about it all.

Pulling her forcibly out of her head, she was almost relieved when the front door chimed...at least until she saw who it was. Well, she'd kind of figured this would be happening again sooner or later. At least Solas was here.

She was tempted to go call him now, hide, but for some reason...she wasn't afraid. No. As she approached Andruil at the hostess stand, she wasn't afraid at all. Honestly, it was hard to be afraid of someone so pathetic, no matter how violent they were. She'd been terrifying at first, but now all she could see was that sad, cowed girl getting her dad a drink while everyone ignored her.

“What do you want?” Again, handling it the worst possible way, but honestly, she was getting sick of being harassed by these assholes, pathetic or no. “I'm trying to work.”

“Don't talk to me like that, okay?” Andruil started, and then stopped, awkwardly, as she lifted a hand and snapped her thumb and index finger together warningly. “Uh...what?”

“Stop being a bitch, Andruil.” She replied firmly, lifting a hand as her mouth opened again. “Ah..”

“Excuse me? I was...” Some of the irritable edge was fading away into confusion.

“Shh.” She replied shortly, interrupting again. Luckily, it seemed to be working. She sort of had a feeling it would. “Go sit down. Do you want a piece of pie?

“I don't...You know who I...” Andruil was starting to rally, and she couldn't have that. Once again, offended and startled, she interrupted her.

“Stop it. I mean it. None of that...I asked you a question. Do you want a piece of pie?” A pause, as they stared at each other, tense and undeniably awkward. “And...if so...what flavor? Okay? If you want to talk to me, you talk to me without bullying me, do you understand?”

“I...” Andruil started again, shoulders pulling back, chin lifting. At least until she met Ellie's eyes, then she seemed to deflate a little. “Cherry?”

“Okay. I'm gonna make you a deal. I will talk to you. I'll take my fifteen minute break, and I won't tell Solas you're here. Unless you decide you don't feel like talking like a civilized person.” She didn't give Andruil a chance to go back into the turtle shell of bitchiness, she just turned around and walked away, heading to the bar.

Dorian was staring at her, she could feel it. It only got more disapproving the closer she got.

Resting elbows on the vaguely sticky, beat up wood, she gestured with a hand, sighing. Finally she lifted her gaze to meet his vaguely confused one.

“Don't tell Solas, okay? If he tries to get in the middle it'll only make it worse. I need a shot and my fifteen.” She told him, and he shook his head and reached for the vodka. “I think I can handle this.”

“I'm not comfortable not telling Solas, but as long as she behaves...” Dorian replied dubiously, clacking the shot glass down on the bar. “It's your funeral, Lavellan. I don't remember if pinching the nostrils closed only works for calming dogs, or if it works on brittle, vapid harpies as well.”

“If all else fails, I have mace on my keychain.” She replied dryly, tossing the shot back and letting it burn down to settle in her stomach. Ack. She coughed roughly to clear her throat, setting the glass on the bar again. “Okay, gonna go get Princess Screechy a piece of pie.”

“Ellana Lavellan, saving the day with pie, kindness, and the looming threat of macing.” Dorian quipped dryly, and she waved a hand over her shoulder at him as she headed for the kitchen.

Pie was acquired with ease, especially since Cullen thought it was for her and approved. Such a worrywart. Manager Boyfriendthing was avoided regretfully, but it was a necessary evil at this point. She grabbed her soda and steeled herself, heading back out to the dining room. Luckily she only had a couple tables, and Dorian had already wandered around to check on them for her. Andruil was sitting alone, in a booth, looking somehow both bitchy and completely lost at the same time. 

Her gaze snapped away from the window as Ellie set the pie down, and then slid across from her.

“How you doing?” She asked before the other woman could decide she was revving up to get bitchy again. “Seemed like at that dinner things were a little rough for you. Is it usually like that?”

Whatever Andruil was expecting, it wasn't that. She stared owlishly, fork in hand, as Ellie slurped on her soda. Lifting her straw, she stabbed through one of the cherries, and pulled it out.

“Umh...” Andruil finally replied, voice still a bit irritatingly lilting, but softer, at least. “I guess? It's not that bad. I don't...I don't need you feeling sorry for me.”

The attempt at condescension she just let roll off her back, watching as the pie was prodded with the fork. It was starting to sound more defensive than anything else. She sort of got why now. It was funny, she'd gone to that dinner to figure him out, but she'd come away with a lot more.

“Why not? Why not have someone feel sorry for you? It was shitty as hell, the way they treated you.” She replied, sliding the cherry off the straw and popping it into her mouth. “Why is people feeling sorry for you a bad thing?”

Silence between them, and she took another sip of her soda, turning her own gaze to watch outside for a few minutes. The parking lot was quiet, but on a Saturday night, the road beyond was busy. Everyone going out. Probably be a second wave of people once the movie theater ended its showing. There was some new blockbuster out this weekend? Pretty sure. She sort of tended to lose track.

“Whatever.” Andruil finally settled on, bitterly, scooping up a bite of pie and sullenly shoving it into her mouth. At least she swallowed before she spoke. “What's so good about him, anyway? Why the fuck does he always get to win? I mean...even when I get what I want...it's always fucked.”

Silence for a moment, as she swished her straw around in her glass, lips pursing into a line. What could she tell her? She wouldn't listen to anything about how hard Solas worked, how much he worried about what he'd done, who he'd been. How difficult it was for him to get away.

How shitty it must feel to be one of their kids, and have them chase the one that turned their back on them. Especially while they were ignoring you in the process.

“Well, I can't tell you why your mom and dad are so set on dragging him back in kicking and screaming.” Truth. She couldn't tell her, because she wouldn't listen. “But I like him because he's good to me, he's genuine with everything he feels, incredibly smart, and honestly one of the nicest people I've ever met. There's a lot more, but I have a feeling you don't wanna hear it.”

Especially the stuff about his butt.

“Him. Nice.” Andruil started nastily, and then stopped, eyes flicking down to her pie again. She speared a bit of crust, and dragged it through the filling. “...If I got up and walked away, no one would follow me.”

“How long have you two been together?” She asked delicately, probably aware that this was likely just a bit too far. But it seemed to be what she wanted to talk about.

“A lot longer than you'd think.” Andruil replied, spitefully, and the next bite of pie got thoroughly mangled before it went to her mouth. “Seven years. Can you believe it? Seven whole fucking years. And...and I'm still chasing her. Does it ever stop?”

Okay, well, wow. One, way over her pay grade, and two, she was sort of assuming they'd been together like a year...or less. How the hell did everything not explode into a mushroom cloud of dysfunction? The kitchen door opened, and her gaze shifted to it warily. Whew. Just Dorian.

“She thinks I don't know she's sleeping with my brother, you know.” Andruil continued, and Ellie froze, fingers tightening around her glass. Yeah. Way out of her pay grade. “I mean, it's an open relationship, so it's not like I can say anything, but I have feelings too! And with Falon'din! Gross.”

“Ummmh...I'm pretty sure the whole point of a relationship is being able to say almost anything.” Ellie replied awkwardly, while being the world's biggest hypocrite. “Open relationship doesn't mean no boundaries, and it doesn't mean you don't talk. I mean, you love her, right?”

“More than anything.” Andruil replied pitifully, and although Ellie was sympathetic, she was sort of hoping she didn't burst into tears. It was only a fifteen minute break. “But it's like...I wanna get married, you know? I wanna have kids. I want like...the whole world to see how much I fuckin' love her, like I want our own tv show. Where everybody sees how much I love her, and there's like...blogs about us and stuff.”

“Okay...well...” This was rapidly going from heart to heart to straight out weird, and Ellie was sort of running out of things to say. “Maybe...start a little smaller? Maybe couple's counseling? Maybe...ask her to stop sleeping with your brother?”

“I tried.” Andruil cut off another piece of her pie, voice hovering dangerously close to a whinge. “She doesn't...I mean...it always sounds so smart...in my head, and then like...I say it to her, and somehow I feel totally stupid. You know?”

“So you practice. Practice standing up for yourself. In a mirror or whatever. You said it, you've been together seven years. You know her.” Ellie replied musingly, gaze slitting aside warily as the swinging door opened again. She had been hoping it was just Dorian again, but, nope. “Oops, we're busted.”

“Great. He's gonna fuckin' yell at me. Ugh.” Andruil sneered, already drawing herself up, chin firming. At least until she caught Ellie's expression. “What?”

“Just relax.” She suggested with a smile, and then glanced up and over as Solas approached the table, expression both confused and angry. “Hey you. We're just chatting. I'm on break.”

He stopped short, and gave her a narrow look, tearing his attention away from Andruil. Who still hadn't said anything, but was bristling. She could feel the tension in the air. Jeez. No wonder everything escalated. You could almost feel the history of hostility.

“Just talking?” He asked, with a hint of the chill she'd come to associate with 'talking to my asshole cousins' Solas. Better than angry Solas, for sure. She kept her smile relaxed as he stared at her. “Has she apologized yet for injuring you?”

Okay, great. Now Andruil was going to throw a fit and undo all the...

“I...hurt you? I'm sorry.” Andruil mumbled awkwardly from across the table. “I...lose my temper or whatever. You made me really mad, though. So, it's not really...”

“The apology was sufficient.” Solas snapped, and she resisted the urge to slap her own forehead. “Why don't you leave before you undo what small progress you've made?”

Okay, now she kind of wanted to smack him. Both of them. She sort of needed more hands and less morals, because it seemed like there were a lot of people who needed smacking. Andruil didn't look cowed, but she did draw herself up, leaving behind the half-eaten piece of pie as she stared him down. Again, the hostility was pretty overwhelming, electric in the air. It was a wonder it didn't give her goosebumps.

“Whatever.” Andruil replied snidely, and then turned to stomp for the door, throwing her purse over her shoulder.

Ellie wasn't really expecting a thank you, but it would have been nice. At least she got an apology. And now she had to go immediately on the offensive. Great. Because otherwise he was going to scold her, when it was him that deserved that. He was turning back to her as the front door closed, and she tilted her chin to meet his stare, her own narrowing.

“Was that necessary?” She asked him, before he could say anything. “I had it handled. She just needed someone to talk to.”

“She assaulted you in a parking lot! She is dangerously unhinged, and she showed up again to harass you, and your solution was...was...” Solas began, trailing off as her stare turned into a glare.

“To treat her like a person? Especially after seeing how shittily your family treated her? Yeah. I did.” She replied shortly, crossing her arms under her chest. “And you know what? I'm glad I did. I was right. If I had told you, I never would have gotten her to do anything but freak out. Because you came out here on the warpath.”

“I...” Solas stared at her, and when she tilted her head slightly, sighed heavily. “She hurt you, vhenan. I understand the sentiment, but your safety is my primary concern. You don't know what she's capable of.”

“Neither do you.” She replied calmly, rising to her feet, briefly taking the hand he offered her. “Because you're too busy shutting her down. Yes, I know she's kind of a shitty person, honey. But she's still a person.”

“I'm upset with you.” He informed her, and she gave a heavy sigh, scooping up the plate from the table. “And I feel that your sympathy is incredibly misplaced. I've known her for her whole life, and I wish you would trust my judgment.”

“I knew you were going to be. I did it anyway, though I'm sorry it upset you.” They turned back for the kitchen side by side, while she tried to figure out how to put this into words properly. “I wanted to give her a chance. I felt...so bad for her. I mean, did you even see? I sort of feel like you didn't. Like everybody's so used to not seeing her, that you don't even notice how badly she was treated.”

“She has more than earned any ill will I have towards her.” Solas replied a bit sharply, and then sighed as she glanced sidelong at him reprovingly.

They were silent through the kitchen as she set down her soda and dumped the rest of the pie in the trash, leaving the plate and fork for Sera. When they reached the hall she let him take her by the elbow and lead her to the office.

She was sort of aware this was actually a fight, them fighting, which she wasn't sure they'd done before. He'd been angry before, and...admittedly, that had been Andruil's fault, too, but that time it wasn't really a conscious choice for her to do the thing that pissed him off. This time, it was her fault.

Entirely.

And it made her think about the other things she was keeping from him. She pushed those back down, though. Not now.

Maybe she'd sort of wondered what it would be like when they actually had a real fight. Usually it was pretty dramatic and annoying, nausea-inducing. This was just...calm and measured and she had a feeling they both saw the other person's point. Why was this sort of weirdly nice?

“I can't tell you I was wrong.” She told him, as he released her elbow and closed the door. “You sort of proved that I wasn't, at least from my point of view. I felt safe. It was in the middle of the dining room, I had a table between us, and mace in my apron.”

“I cannot tell you that you were right.” He countered with a sigh, turning towards her. She was surprised when he reached for her again, but she let him pull her into his arms, wrapping them tightly around her. “And I am concerned that you have so much compassion for someone who has treated you so poorly. All I want is to protect you.”

“I know you do. It must be hard for you, and I'm sorry.” She replied, sighing and lifting her own arms, burrowing into the embrace. “She just...doesn't have anyone. At all. And that just makes me feel horrible for her. Her own girlfriend is sleeping with her brother, for fuck's sake.”

That made him pause, and she felt the very slight shudder, which just made her laugh, quietly. Finally he leaned down, sighed, and gave her a small kiss on top of her head.

“We need to set clearer boundaries, I think. While I am not going to agree with you on this...” She waited as he gathered his thoughts, grateful that he'd pulled her in against him beforehand. “Your compassion and kindness is something I admire about you. I cannot expect you to set it aside just because I happen to not care for the target of it.”

“I'm...sorry I've made this hard for you...” She mumbled, letting out a quiet sigh. “I didn't want...okay. Sure. Boundaries, this is my fault, you have every right to insist. Lay 'em on me, tell me what you're thinking.”

“If, for some reason, she decides to do this again...you will only speak to her in public, while there are other people around. Don't let her into your apartment, if she shows up in the parking lot again, come back inside.” He murmured, and she nodded her head minutely against him. That all seemed reasonable. “I know you may not agree with this one, but I would also like it if you told me when and if she does reappear.”

It took her a second to fight back the instinctual reaction, but considering she was sort of still on break here, she forced her way through it and let out a sigh. She didn't need to piss off Dorian, after all. He hated waiting tables.

“Right. I...get where you're coming from. And if I do, you won't show up and interfere, or scare her off.” She countered, because if she was going to do that, he'd have to give her something. “If you give me that, I'm fine with yours. You might not believe me, but if she had...shown up in the parking lot, I would have come back in.”

“I believe you. If you managed to actually take a moment to think.” He replied, pulling back to glance down into her face. She managed a wry smile, a little awkward though it was. He wasn't wrong. “It's amazing how often I have absolutely no idea what to do with you, my heart.”

“Yeah, well, that makes two of us. Okay, fight over. Nobody's completely happy, everyone's compromised, makeup sex later.” She declared, and finally got a grudging smile from him as he shook his head. “No. No makeup sex?”

“No. I feel sufficiently made up, vhenan. Much better uses for intimacy than using it to try and fix what isn't broken.” He smiled a bit more genuinely at her grin, and leaned down for a brief kiss to her forehead. “I...believe we should be getting back to work.”

She heard the moment of hesitation, the slight hitch in his voice. She'd heard it every damn time, no matter how often her brain tried to pretend it didn't. She needed the denial, though, it made all of this easier. Made it easier to ignore the fact that even if he had said it...

She wouldn't believe him.

Which was why she hadn't told him a damn thing about his aunt, and wouldn't. But...all of that mess was too much self reflection, especially for tonight. She could think clearly again on Monday, once things were easier. That's when she'd think about it. 

Not now.

“Right. Almost done with the weekend! Just a few more hours, and then the shop, and then it's over.” She declared firmly, pulling back to flash him a grin, cheeky and playful. “And then I'll get to see my bed again.”

“Get out of my office.” He ordered cooly, and then smiled as she laughed and turned away. “And here I thought it was my company that you enjoyed, and not my furnishings.”

“I like them both. Though I'd like you just about anywhere, your bed's a pretty nice place to enjoy your company from, that's all.” She replied flirtatiously, pulling open the door and peeking over her shoulder. She may have even lowered her lashes a little. “And all the things that...come with your company.”

She was ducking through the door when he grabbed her elbow and pulled her back in, and laughing when he silenced her with a kiss.

Dorian could wait a minute or two.

 

 

 

 

When Ellie became conscious again Sunday afternoon, she wasn't quite sure how she'd gotten into bed. She remembered falling asleep in the car, and then somehow taking a shower? No, that wasn't right, she had to finish that stupid sculpture, and she'd ruined the first one. Her head was a muddy, relaxed mess, once she pushed aside the instinctual surge of alarm. Her body was really not used to waking up on its own.

You didn't oversleep, brain.

She must have made a noise, because she heard a shuffle across the room, the slight scrape of a chair. 

“Just past one. Could you try to sleep a little more?” The quiet murmur came with the shift of the mattress, but quietly. Right. This wasn't her bed. Because it was comfortable and not creaky and ancient.

She was grateful he'd answered with the time before she could ask it, but gave a small huff of denial to the question. Her mind, trying to slowly push its way out of sleep, finally managed a mumbled response, dredged out of the vestiges of an unpleasant dream.

“Je suis réveillé." She sighed, and then she cracked open an eye as he laughed low and slow, trying to excavate a hand from the blankets. "What?"

Warm and heavy, his hand slid over her head, and then tucked down to cradle her jaw, thumb stroking over her cheek. She nuzzled into it, as she finally found her hand to rub gunk from her eyes.

"You answered me in Orlesian again. Not that I am complaining, it's very charming in your accent." He answered her fondly, and she gave a small grumble, vision swimming as she opened her eyes properly, pushing aside the remnants of sleep through force of will. "Dreaming about school, were we?"

"I think so...I dropped something on the way to the kiln. Ugh." She sighed, sprawling fully onto her back, giving him a tug. Something was wrong, but she hadn't figured out quite yet what. Something different. It dawned on her after a few sleepy seconds of contemplation. "You don't wear glasses."

"I do when I've been writing for several hours straight." Solas replied, tolerantly amused, reaching up for them until she grabbed his hand.

"Never take them off." She replied huskily, tightening her grip as he tried to free his hand. "Ever."

"I have to take them off eventually." A small tug of her hand pulled him down to sprawl next to her willingly, and he finally freed his hand to slip under the blanket, tucking around her waist and pulling her in.

"Hmmmh...Tell me..." She purred deliberately, voice still heavy from waking up. When he lifted an eyebrow, she couldn't hide the wicked little grin, letting it seep into her words. "Tell me you need me to stay after class."

"No." He scolded with a hint of awkwardness and no real force, and she smiled all the deeper, smugly. "Vhenan..."

"That is an incredibly inappropriate thing to call a student, professor." She replied in a low murmur, and then laughed as he sighed at her and pulled off the glasses. "Awh, you ruined my sexy fun! Fun-ruiner."

"The last thing I need is you encouraging me to develop a fetish that will prove very awkward in the future." He murmured against her ear as he reached over to set his glasses on the nightstand.

"Oh come on. In a year or two when you're done and find a job, you'll have access to all those nubile coeds." She teased him, grinning lopsidedly as his nose nudged her temple, a small kiss pressed to her skin. "I can't think of a better time to start working on it, you'll have it down to an art by the time you're a proper professor, all primed and ready."

Her amusement died as he leaned back from her, resting his jaw on his hand as he pulled up to look at her. Blinking, her eyes searched his face, head tilting to the side. She was...starting to become familiar with that look, even if this time it was a bit more guarded than usual. Not angry, just...thoughtful and a little bit distant.

"I was joking...It was just a joke." She started uncertainly, stomach sinking, and then started to frown. "I upset you. Can you...tell me why?"

"Unfortunately..." He finally replied, with a hint of a smile, rueful rather than warm. "Not really, my heart. It might make you feel badly for something completely out of your control, and I don't want that. You did not upset me, just a thought in my own head."

She was winding herself up to protest when he poked her on the nose and smiled, and she reluctantly returned it. It was hard not to return his smiles, no matter how small they seemed to be. There was a lot behind them, even the tiniest ones felt pretty special. Especially considering how long she'd gone without seeing much of them at all.

The thought made her own smile twist to the side, eyes unfocusing a little as his hand moved to toy with her hair, slowly twisting strands behind her ear. She was probably a mess, she'd slept like a brick and with wet hair, but he didn't seem to mind.

"So...how are we spending the day? My work can wait, it's certainly not going anywhere." He asked wryly, still gazing down at her, propped up on an elbow. "No matter how much I wish it would."

"Well. One, Sera's show is at nine, we should be there by eight thirty." She started, lifting a hand to tick off on her fingers. "Two, we should probably eat at some point. Three...there is no fucking three."

"So only two." He supplied, as she lifted the digits and poked him in the nose with them, vengefully. "Yes, that appears to be two. Thank you, vhenan. So what you are saying...is that you would like to help me clean my kitchen."

He smirked innocently at her glower, giving a small, thoughtful nod as she reached up to swat his shoulder. It did no good, but it never did unless he let her. Which he did more often than not, because he was very tolerant of her bullying.

"Hmmh. No?" He gave a faint frown at the violent shake of her head. "I was going to suggest cleaning the bathroom together, but that did seem a bit...intimate."

Her scowl turned to a laugh as he rolled over on top of her, nuzzling up against her ear, his weight resting on his elbows. The sensation made her squirm, but he simply chuckled, breath spilling over her skin.

"Very well, I suppose we will have to...do the laundry." He murmured softly, shifting atop her to free a hand, drawing it down to twist fingers in the hem of his t-shirt she was wearing. His knuckles grazed the outside of her thigh as he dragged it up.

"I don't know that there's much to be done." She mused drowsily, giving a little shiver as his teeth caught on her earlobe. "It won't really take that long."

"We'll find a way to make some more." He promised, and then silenced her laughter with a kiss.

Somehow, they managed to occupy themselves for the afternoon.

 

 

 

"This is giving me all sorts of nostalgia." Ellie remarked with a fond little sigh, gazing up at the dirty, dingy converted warehouse they were standing in front of. 

Solas, as much as she was crazy about him, was being kind of a butthead about this. He'd insisted they park in a monitored lot, despite the fact that it cost like twenty freaking bucks, and had hung onto her arm the entire way here. Usually she liked his habit of latching onto her hand at the slightest provocation, but she had a feeling he was being protective. They'd established by now that she didn't care much for that.

"Nostalgia." He replied dubiously, as they headed for the bouncer looming outside of the door. "This...is nostalgic for you."

"Oh yeah. You kidding? I used to live in these sorts of dives on the weekend." She replied cheerfully, quite happy that they were actually out and about like normal people. This was sort of like their second date. No way he'd fall asleep on this one. "Are you sure you don't want me to be designated driver? I don't mind."

"You've had a long weekend. Don't worry about me." He replied easily, and then added, "I haven't ever seen you drive, after all, it might be a terrible idea."

"Are you saying you don't trust me?" She gasped as the bouncer scanned their IDs and then waved them through.

The inside of the bar was about what she expected. Large, loud, and fairly lacking in decor. These sorts of places generally were. Solas continued to stick close, tucking his hand around her arm now, keeping her against his side. 

"I trust you with my life, vhenan." He replied, leaning closer rather than trying to shout. "Just perhaps not my car."

"Rude." She sighed, and then brightened as an arm lifted to wave at them from the bar. "Dagna! There she is!"

It was easy enough to approach, the bar big, and the crowd not too dense. There were more people here than she'd expected, but apparently the second band was pretty popular. She had no idea how popular Sera's band was, honestly.

Shit, she was getting old. Time was she would have been to every single show.

"Hey, you guys!" Dagna greeted brightly, smile deepening. "I'm glad you could make it! I didn't know if you would. It's pretty loud! Not really everyone's sort of thing."

"For sure my sort of thing!" Ellie assured, leaning against the bar, contentedly absorbing the atmosphere. Mmm, spilled beer and ancient cigarette smoke. "Sadly, these days it usually just feels like my thing is being way too busy."

Solas slid an arm around her from behind, and she leaned into him. Dagna grinned a little deeper, lifting her beer in greeting to him.

"You know, I don't think we've ever hung out together outside of work before!" She admitted, giving a little laugh. "It's sort of weird, don't you think? Not...that you are, just that we haven't! Or maybe that we are now, I don't really know."

"To be fair, we're all rather busy people." Solas pointed out, and Dagna nodded rapidly in agreement. "You're graduating this year, aren't you?"

"I am! It's exciting. So many possibilities!" The dwarven woman agreed, voice practically a shout as things slowly grew noisier. "I'm going to still be working where I am on campus while I work on my doctorate, but I'll be able to do it full time! The research is so fascinating. I'm going to miss you all, of course."

"We'll miss you, too. Not like you're disappearing, though. You're just...relocating." Ellie pointed out, and Dagna grinned all the broader. "I mean, you're just the first to go. Then it'll be Solas' turn, then Dorian."

"You'll have to break in all sorts of new people, Ellie!" Dagna agreed, and then laughed when she rolled her eyes. "I know, I know. It's a tough job."

"But somebody's got to do it." She finished, peeking up as Solas nudged her shoulder. "Hey, cutie."

"A drink?" He suggested, before Dagna's loud whoop interrupted them.

Laughing, she settled for a thumbs up as the bar grew noisier, turning her attention to the bare-bones stage. Sera was easy to pick out even before she stepped into the lights, lanky and blonde and brightly dressed. They seemed to already be mostly set up, and contentedly she listened to the cacophony of preparation, the snarling whine of a guitar, the rattle of the drums. 

"I'd go stand by the stage, but I wouldn't be able to see a thing!" Dagna shouted, eyes glued to the stage. "Sera doesn't mind, it's not like she'd be able to see me, anyways!"

"I know that feeling!" Ellie laughed, nose wrinkling a little. "Short people problems."

"I for one think you are the perfect height." The words were murmured privately against her ear, and she grinned, reaching a hand down to tuck it over the one curled against her side.

His fingers laced lightly through hers as they settled in to experience the show. Experience was the right word, not watch, because...well, it was pretty overwhelming. Despite the deafening noise and chaos, Ellie had to admit Sera made a pretty damn good drummer. Not that she was an expert or anything, but she knew a good beat when she felt one, vibrating up through the soles of her feet.

Loud, unapologetic, and less sung than shouted, they kept the energy high and rambunctious. It wasn't exactly her thing, but she found herself enjoying it. Even though she had a feeling the second band was the popular one, the crowd seemed to be having a pretty good time, too. For a while, it was nice to forget she was all burdened with responsibilities and guilt and all that nasty stuff, and just spend some time out. 

Granted, she'd be regretting it in the morning, tired and with ears ringing, throat sore from shouting, but for now it felt pretty good.

 

She was maybe a little tipsy when the set ended, more slumped against Solas than cuddling, though he was putting up with it pretty well. Honestly, he was putting up with all of it pretty well. If she didn't know better, she'd think he'd enjoyed the show more than she had.

"I didn't think this would be your sort of music, Solas!" Dagna admitted, her own chipper voice a little rough from all the shouting, but grin unabated. "Not that I mean anything by that, but..."

"You might be surprised. I found it quite interesting." Solas replied, volume raised just enough to be heard. She stifled a smile at his choice of words. "I enjoyed the obvious Ferelden punk influences, and I could certainly tell where their inspiration came from. The Black Wardens, for instance, or the Doglords. You know, I could even hear a bit of..."

He paused as she turned around and squinted up at him suspiciously, giving a faint laugh that she saw rather than heard. 

"I do have interests outside of school and work, vhenan." He pointed out, and she turned back and shook her head at Dagna with a long sigh.

"Apparently there are depths I have yet to discover!" She decided, oddly amused and pleased. It was kind of nice to sort of...keep finding out things about him. "It's turning out to be a bit more of an adventure than I anticipated!"

The words were meant as a joke, but she sort of felt that little bit of sickness that'd been hiding all this time poke its way out to remind her it was there. She shoved it back again, relaxing as a kiss was nudged against her temple, tugging her lips back up into a smile. Time to worry later. It wasn't now. Still, she'd been knocked off balance, just a little.

"We were all pretty surprised about you two! It's really great, though!" Dagna admitted, and she grinned. "Unexpected, but really great!"

"Right? I was pretty damn surprised myself! It'll be a lot to live up to, that's for sure. Jeeze, talk about setting the bar too high!" She laughed, lifting a hand to wave as Sera came bounding up to the bar. After getting a gesture in return, she dropped her hand, gaze shifting sidelong to Solas and attempting to share the smile with him.

Except he wasn't smiling. Puzzled by the expression on his face, the slight hurt furrow between his brows that was usually all he'd show, she tilted her head to the side. Behind her she heard Dagna turn to Sera's loud, exuberant storytelling, and she scooted around to speak more quietly with him. 

"It...was a compliment, you know. Campsite rule! You're doing good." She pointed out, confused even more as he visibly forced a smile and reached out to briefly stroke her cheek. She leaned into it, but her smile was fading. "Okay, what'd I do?"

"Nothing." He assured her, and she sighed, nose crinkling. "What would the...campsite rule be, exactly?"

"Leave it better than you found it!" She replied cheerfully, though her smile faded yet again at his frown, daunting even when not meant for her.

Instinct told her to laugh, make a joke. Easiest way to get rid of a frown, after all. Instead, she did what she seemed to keep having to do, which made her uncomfortable and him happy. 

She took a second and thought about it, running her own words over in her head. It was basically what he'd told her before, wasn't it? That his life was better with her in it than without, right? It was the same thing, more or less. Sure, she'd worded it differently, but...

Oh.

Closing her eyes, she let out a slow sigh, willing herself not to freak out. It wasn't helping, but she was trying anyways. She felt his forehead rest against hers, and she managed a smile she wasn't feeling in the slightest, the twinge of guilt in her gut twisting. Yeah, that's great. Way to fucking go, Ellie. Tell a guy he's your boyfriend, that you'll try, and then make jokes about what's going to happen after you're not together any more. Especially considering how nervous he's been about you...well, let's be honest, up and running. Well done, idiot brain.

There were plenty of reasons, but...

"I can't expect you to be an expert after a month, vhenan." He pointed out, and she sighed, opening her eyes as his hand slid down her shoulder, tucking under her elbow. "A lifetime of habits..."

"Doesn't..it...it doesn't excuse it." She finished, rather than allowing him to let her off the hook again, forcing her way through the stammer. "I don't want to think...I don't think ahead, you know...how I..."

She stalled with a small grunt of frustration as words failed her completely, with nowhere to hide and let them out. From here the stammer would only get worse, she could feel the stall on the back of her tongue. The feel of his thumb gently stroking her elbow helped a little, but not nearly enough.

"Let's not talk about it." He suggested, and she cracked open an eye, staring at him warily from scant inches away. "I know, not what you expect from me, but what good could possibly come from it? There's nothing to be said, and it is neither the time nor place."

"Okay." She agreed, and then heaved a sigh as he pulled back, forcing a smile that felt a little more natural. "Sure, okay."

She accepted the press of his lips, the small kiss not doing much to reassure her. It was weird, something about all of it sticking a lot worse in brain than it normally would. Maybe it was the fact that it just kept happening. Maybe upsetting him was starting to bother her more than she expected. Why, she didn't know, but it was starting to get frustrating how often it happened.

Maybe...maybe it was just all the stuff she was hiding from him that made it feel so shitty.

 

Whatever it was, it stuck with her for the rest of the night, and was still there in the morning when she rode with him to campus. They parted ways at the bus stop, and then she went to head home. There was some work to be done, after all. Commissions had been slow, but she'd sold a couple small things, and needed to get them out. Maybe do some more work on his lamp, too. The little splinter of discomfort kept her company until she made it up to the apartment, but it was starting to fade, slowly but surely.

She kept screwing up, sure, but he wasn't holding it against her. Eventually she'd have to run out of mistakes to make, right? Okay, it was bothering her a lot, but that was on her, not him. He wasn't guilting her about all of it, after all.

She was actually starting to feel pretty good until she made it to the top of the stairs and realized her apartment door was cracked open. That was weird, but maybe Merrill was on her way out. 

"Mer?" She called as she reached for the handle, blinking as it fell off in her hand, the other end of the knob thumping to the floor beyond with a rattle. 

Finally her brain caught up, and she realized the door frame was splintered, lock busted open.

Shit.

 

 

 

BITCH

It glared at her from across the room as the door swung open under her hand, huge and black and scrawled across the white wall. It was all she registered for a few seconds, broken doorknob falling from her limp fingers. She took a reflexive step forward, blank, and then her brain kicked back into gear, cold and hard and...coping.

Okay. Time to cope. Don't go in there.

She took five steps backwards until her shoulders hit the door across the hall, and she lifted her hand, still staring blankly. Four heavy pounds of her fist, adrenaline rising, taking away the shakes. Okay. Handle this. Don't be stupid, it's just time to handle it. Don't get emotional, just deal. It's okay, it's fine.

It's fine.

She stared, the word stared back at her, as she heard the faint sounds of activity coming from the apartment she had her back to. She didn't realize she was leaning into the door until it swung open and she staggered, a heavy hand landing on her shoulder to keep her upright. Supporting, warm. There was a yawn that stopped halfway through, and then the fingers on her shoulder tightened slightly.

Okay, so he saw it too. She wasn't going crazy.

"Krem!" Bull bellowed, and she startled reflexively at the noise, his voice gentling as he spoke down to her. "It's all right, Ellie. Everything's okay. You come in and sit down, and..."

"No. It's fine. I'm fine." She assured, eerily calm, sliding her phone out of the pocket of her messenger bag. "I need to take pictures. It's fine."

"Nnh...all right. All right. Let me go in first, though. I can't believe I slept through this shit, what is this a B and E? What the fuck..." He gave another squeeze to her shoulder, and spoke over Krem's drowsy noise of shock. "Krem, check in with the kid next door to hers, find out if he heard anything. I'm going to make sure there's no surprises."

"You work nights. It's understandable..." Ellie mumbled, dazed, as Bull scooted her forward a bit with the hand on her shoulder and stepped around her. She trailed after him, but stopped in the doorway as he tromped into her apartment, taking in the sight.

The stab of pain made her inhale, sharply, a quavering gasp.

The floor was scattered with broken glass, a rainbow of broken butterflies that hurt far more than the nasty words spray painted across the walls, all in glaring black. Someone had taken what must have been a knife to the crappy thrift store couch, and the television was smashed, but other than that, the living room looked...okay. They'd broken Mira's college jar and all the dishes, but hadn't touched the money.

Wasn't hard to figure out who would have done that.

Merrill's room was still closed up, thankfully, which was less of a surprise than it probably should have been. This wasn't aimed at her, after all, and Dirthamen knew full well what room was hers.

Her door was hanging open. While she took pictures of the room mechanically, Bull ducked into her bedroom and she winced faintly at his sound of disgust. Hopefully it wouldn't be that bad. She was still taking pictures when he ducked back out again, and he glanced at her briefly before sighing.

"What's the chances I could get you to stay out of there, Ellie?" He asked, and when she shook her head, he lifted a shoulder. "Worth a shot. Are you going to call the cops?"

Call the cops? Yeah, right. And tell them what, exactly, that people who were richer than the Maker had nothing better to do than trash her apartment? 

"No." She replied quietly, glass crunching under her feet as she stepped in a little further. "Won't do any good. There's umh...no way I could just ask you to leave and forget you saw this, is there?"

"Nope." Bull replied simply, and she gave a faint sigh under her breath, listening as more footsteps entered the apartment. "Cullen working?"

"Not till tonight." She murmured, finally turning for her bedroom. "Just don't...make...a big deal out of this, okay?"

"Not me you gotta worry about, Ellie." Bull replied, lifting his phone to his ear and stepping away. "Yo. Cullen. I need you to run to the hardware store for me."

His voice faded as she headed into her room, taking a few pictures by before she even registered the state of her room. How was she going to hide this all from Solas?

The thought momentarily stopped her, a stab of pain, before she forced it back.

Okay.

Inventory, brain. Do it like an inventory. Dresser knocked over, but maybe salvageable. The figurines aren't, probably. More dust than ceramic at this point, like someone stomped on them. Work table flipped over. That piece you were trying to finish is destroyed, so are the supplies. That's okay, you needed to buy new glass panels anyways. Some ripped clothes, but not a lot. Looks like they gave up on that. Closet ignored, apart from the bar being ripped down. Good. The finished lamps are fine, and the pieces for his you hid are okay. A couple holes in the walls, lots of spray paint...nothing unfixable.

The nightstand destroyed, lamp, too. Not a surprise. Papers gone through, but nothing there worth hiding. Bank statements, letters from your mom ripped to shreds. Shit. It's okay. They're just letters. Lawyer stuff, tax stuff, replaceable. Not the end of the world.

Maybe a few hundred so far. Computer...

Her eyes cast around, hunting for it, finally seeing a hint of it under the flipped and ravaged, paint-covered mattress. Smashed. Okay. So maybe like a thousand bucks in damages at this point. It was getting old anyways.

Glass crunched underfoot as she stepped around the completely destroyed bed to take more pictures, ignoring the tears trickling stubbornly down her cheeks.

Not a big deal. Not like you own anything worth much. All your stuff's basically worthless, second hand. It's all worthless, it's...

"Here." A quiet voice from behind her, a very light touch against her arm.

Turning around, she threw herself against Cole, and he carefully wrapped his arms around her in a light hug. She didn't want to cry and so she didn't, but the tears came out anyways, silent as he carefully patted her back. Just for a second, she hid her face against his shoulder. A few small, shuddering breaths and then she forced it back again. Stop. Focus.

"Everything is going to be all right." Cole assured her, pulling back when she did, gazing down into her face. "Cullen's going to get things to fix what can be fixed, and everyone will be here soon to help. Do you want to talk?"

"I can't afford your rate." She replied numbly, and then smiled sadly at his very slight frown. "A joke, Cole. I'm all right. I think. Still sort of in shock."

"Acute stress response. I don't think so." He responded musingly, staring into her face. "Adrenaline, noradrenaline, yes, but not shock. Your body thinks it's in danger, but it's not. Deep breaths, calm thoughts."

"Deep breaths, calm thoughts." She agreed, though that felt all but impossible right now. She took a few big breaths for him anyways, freeing her hands to examine her phone again. Enough pictures, she supposed. "This...is...fucked."

"How do you feel about it?" Cole asked curiously, and she felt a hint of dead, dry amusement somewhere deep under the blankness.

He didn't need to therapist at her.

"I don't know how I'm going to hide it from my..." She started, and then glanced down as her phone buzzed, the spike of inappropriate amusement turning to nausea. "I...oh.

Sick, she felt sick, and the last thing she wanted to do was answer. Cole stood in silence watching her as she watched the phone ring, his name blinking on the screen. She could feel a slight tremble in her hand now. When the screen went dark again, she flitted her tongue across dry lips, swallowing heavily.

"Why don't you want to talk to him?" Cole asked her gently, and she gave a faint laugh under her breath.

"I don't know what to say." Ellie confessed, and then flinched slightly as it lit up again.

It seemed like he really needed to talk to her. Swallowing heavily, she finally answered it, hand shaking in earnest as she lifted it to her ear.

"Hey, you!" She greeted, the cheer in her voice sounding idiotically hollow. "School more boring than you thought it'd be?"

"Are you all right? Are you home?" His words came out in a panicked rush, and she went stiff, still.

Shit. Shit, shit...shit.

Who called him? Who...who even had his number? Cullen? No, Cullen wouldn't have done that to her, would he?

"Yes, I'm at home...I'm all right..." Her voice was guarded, the tiny tremor of nervousness peeking through now. "Why?"

"Mythal called me. She said...she said that Falon'din broke into your apartment."

Her stomach plunged, eyes going wide. If she'd been feeling shocked and numb before, it was twice as bad this time. She was afraid to open her mouth, afraid she'd vomit.

She...she what?

Oh, that...holy fuck. That...

Her brain was still trying to keep up with the twisted logic of that all, listening to him call her name on the other side of the phone, staring at the wall. Mythal...told Falon'din to do this, of that she had absolutely no doubt. There was no way it wasn't her. And she...she called Solas and threw her son under the bus? Why?

So that Solas won't believe you if you tell him that she did it.

"I'm fine. Everything's fine." She interrupted abruptly, thickly, taking in a shuddering breath. "It's...it's gonna be fine, Cullen went to get...I don't know, stuff. Umh...Bull is here, and Cole. I'm not hurt, I'm okay."

She heard him breathe in relief, but all she felt like doing now was crying. How the hell could she fight back against this?

"I am so sorry, vhenan. I am so...he will not get away with this. I promise you, there is absolutely no way..." The small sound of frustration he made made her sniffle, violently, and he gentled his voice. "I'll be there soon. Please don't protest, I've already left."

"Did...did she tell you why?" She asked faintly, trying to grasp at anything that might give her a reason to believe Mythal didn't order this. She really would have liked to believe he was right about her, right about now, but...the check.

The check. Shit!

"I...we'll speak about it when I arrive. I will be there soon. I'm grateful you're not alone, vhenan." There was anger in his voice despite the gentleness of it, which she knew meant he was pretty pissed. Usually he was good at hiding it. "I will be right there."

"Okay...okay, sure." She mumbled, and then pulled down her phone to stare at it as he hung up. 

"What can I do to help?" Cole asked her, and she jerked her head up, blinking.

She'd forgotten he was there. He was so good at being quiet.

"I...I don't really know, Cole." She murmured, a little awkwardly. "I just...don't know that anyone can. I think I need to be alone for a little while."

It was nice of him to try and close the door for her as he turned and left without another word, even if it was hanging kind of oddly on the frame. She was kind of regretting he had, though, when the nasty words on the back were revealed. Frowning, she let out a slow sigh through her nose.

She really wished they would stop calling her ugly.

 

Twenty minutes later and she'd located the check, still in her receipt box, which had apparently been overlooked when the table was toppled. Once her relief had faded, she'd quietly set it aside, and then turned her attention to cleaning up the glass on the floor. 

Numbness reigned again as she cleaned up the pieces, shard by bright shard, clinking into a garbage can that seemed far too small to hold the remnants of her life. That was probably a dramatic thought, but it was hard not to feel dramatic when nearly all of her work was lying destroyed on the floor. A few people had checked up on her, but no one did more than poke their heads in. She knew there were a few here now, because she could hear them talking in the other room.

There were some sounds of industry, hammering or whatever, but she couldn't bring herself to be curious. She couldn't go out there and see her poor butterflies spread out all over the floor again. So much work, so much joy, turned into nothing just because she dared to live and think for herself. Because he...

Poor Solas.

That was the hardest part about all of this, that he didn't know how awful it was, really. She almost felt like she had to tell him, just because he deserved to know what a bitch his aunt was, but...he wouldn't believe her. Especially not now.

Who would possibly believe her?

She was fighting back tears when the door creaked open again, but at least this time her back was to it. Silently she picked up another piece of shattered glass and dropped it into the bin, heart sinking at the quiet sigh from the doorway.

"My heart...I am so...so sorry."

She didn't know what to say. What could she? When her shoulders lifted in a shrug, he breathed out heavily again. Part of her just sort of wanted him to go away, but when he approached her from behind and reached out a hand for her arm, she was already standing when the gentle tug came. Rising and spinning around, she let him enfold her in his arms, burrowing in as he whispered apologies. For once she didn't have the energy to tell him it wasn't his fault. He already knew it wasn't, but he still felt awful.

So did she.

"You should be at school." She finally managed to murmur, and he lifted a hand to the back of her head, cradling her in close, fingers sliding into her hair. "You shouldn't be here, you'll feel bad."

Why she felt like that's what she had to say, she didn't know, but it was true. She didn't want him to feel badly over this. It made her feel like Mythal was winning. She wanted him happy.

"I cannot believe he did this." There was the rage, so carefully contained, turned inwards until it became hard and cold. When she made a small sound of protest, he gentled his voice again. "I promise, everything will be replaced. Mythal said that she will pay for it all..."

"No." She snapped it, she hadn't meant to, but her instinctive, gut reaction was fast and hard. Her body stiffened, but he only held her tighter. "No. I'm not taking a cent from them. Any of them."

"Ma vhenan..." He murmured, in that particularly soft, cajoling way she knew he'd use on her when he thought she was being unreasonable. It annoyed her, but it worked, especially as he swayed her lightly in his arms. "We won't discuss it now. We won't even think about it. I'm so sorry, my heart. Can I convince you to let everyone else handle this? I don't like you having to see things in such a state."

"No, this is my fault." She murmured, and at his small sound of protest, sighed. "You know what I mean. I...I just..."

Her voice cracked, and she didn't mean for it to, but for some reason she couldn't get that stupid sight out of her head. It wasn't her clothes, or the walls, or even her work stuff or computer. Not even her bed. 

It was the rainbow of glass stomped all over the living room floor.

"My...my poor butterflies." Her voice broke over the last word, pitiful. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, and held her all the tighter as she started crying at last. It was okay. He was holding her and no one had to see that she was. 

It should have felt safe, but right now, nothing did.

It was her home and she wasn't safe.

She cried until she couldn't any more, and he supported her through it, not saying a word. When she was done, she washed her face, and then they started cleaning up together. All the glass in the living room had been swept up and thrown out, so she didn't have to see it.

She was so lucky to have such good friends.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is some lack of editing. apologies.

"Your cousin's an ass, Solas." Bull finally concluded, dumping the last piece of the shattered television into a plastic bag. "All this because some girl rejected him? No offense, Ellie. Guy's got some big problems there."

"It is a... bit more complicated than that, especially with the antagonism he holds towards me." Solas replied with a sigh, scooping up the remnants of one of her coffee cups with half of a plate. "I can only assume he attacked Ellana because he is afraid of me. Which makes little sense, but I'm afraid that Falon'din has never been that bright."

It was a good enough story for them, she supposed, even if she knew it wasn't completely true. She felt like it was bothering Solas a little that the pieces didn't entirely line up, but she wasn't about to confess now. No, of course not. Not only had Mythal swooped in and told him what had happened, she felt so awful that she was going to replace all of Ellie's stuff.

Like hell she was.

"You didn't...tell me how Mythal found out he did it." She told him hesitantly, not entirely sure she wanted to know what story she'd dreamed up. Securing the latchplate with one last twist of the screwdriver, she gave the new doorknob in the new door a bit of a twist, closing and opening it a couple times. Who knew you could just go...buy doors.

Apparently that was a thing.

She'd have to get the receipt from Cullen, pay him back. 

"Ah, yes, well...it seems you were right, my heart." Solas told her, and she blinked and glanced over at him curiously. "I was wrong about how I handled Andruil. Falon'din was bragging to her about what he'd done, and she went to Mythal and told her. My aunt was rather surprised that she'd cared, and quite honestly, so was I."

It was hard to feel pleased when she didn't even know if it was another lie or not. She...hoped it wasn't. It'd be nice to know that she hadn't been wrong about there being something worth saving in Andruil. Or even that being nice to her hadn't been a stupid idea.

"Well, one good deed doesn't unmake a shitty person, but I guess it's a good first step." She decided quietly, ignoring the concerned looks she got for it. She knew she sounded kind of weird, but she couldn't seem to snap out of it. Which wasn't like her, she knew. "I..."

She trailed off as the door opened seconds after she let go of it, Merrill launching herself through the door and wrapping arms around her neck. Ellie staggered for a moment, and then lifted her unladen hand to pat her back.

"Hey, it's okay, Mer, I'm okay." She assured, feeling a little awkward, the enthusiasm pushing through her numb barrier. "I'm so sorry this happened, I swear, I'll get this all taken care of."

"I should have been here! Oh, I feel so awful. I'm sorry, I should have been here, to call the police." Merrill replied, squeezing her for a few seconds, and then pulling back and staring up into her face. "Are you all right? Of course you're all right, you're fine. They're just things, Ellie, it'll all be all right."

"They're just things." She agreed, but with a little stab for her poor butterflies and figurines and the broken lamp. It hurt, but. "...Just things. I'm okay. And it's okay. I wasn't here either."

"Marian and Fenris will be here soon." It was Cullen, not Merrill, pushing through the door himself, voice brisk. "We'll have the last of the broken furniture out of your room in a few minutes, Ellie, and then we can get it cleaned up and ready to paint."

"Thank you." She replied faintly, the numbness cracking a little as she started to tear up. Lifting a hand, she breathed in sharply and wiped the corners of her eyes, smiling as Merrill gave her another little squeeze. "Thanks, everybody."

"Of course." Merrill assured her, beaming a smile that almost managed to rouse one in return. "What else are friends for, Ellie?"

"Yeah...I'm pretty lucky." She murmured, a bit of warmth seeping into her at last, sinking into her voice, her gaze lifting to meet Solas'. "I just gotta remember that, that's all."

"So...I suppose this wouldn't be a good time to tell you I'm moving out, would it be?" Merrill mused, and then sighed as she jerked her head around to stare at her. "No, I suppose it wouldn't be, would it. Sorry!"

It wasn't unexpected, but after today that was just...so Merrill. The eerie, depressed calm shattered, and a wave of inappropriate, overwhelming mirth spilled over her. 

This was all just so...so stupid!

The hysterical laughter that practically had her hyperventilating left everyone staring, but Ellie didn't care, slapping a hand over her face as she succumbed to it.

What the hell was her life?

 

 

 

 

 

The air smelled like paint and pizza, and she was exhausted after a third hide and cry in the bathroom, which everyone was nice enough to ignore. Even Solas hadn't fought her need to get away from him, though he seemed occupied at first by trying to rearrange his afternoon to be free. She wished he wouldn't, but knew better than to try and stop him. Most everyone was pretty good at not looking at her and seeming all worried, but Cullen kept doing it and it was starting to bug her a little. It wasn't his fault, though, he was always such a worrywart. She tried to remind herself that people were looking at her like that because they cared. It helped. Not much, but a little.

Sometimes her life was difficult. Not in like the woe is me sense, but in that it seemed to get all twisted together and she'd forget how tangled it was. So Marian knew, and then Bethy knew, and then Anders knew, which meant...her phone started ringing quickly. And then she got yelled at. Loudly.

"Mir." She could feel her voice crack as she fought the yelling, trying to hide it. "Mir, relax."

"I will not relax! I can't believe those...those bastards!"

The hands on her shoulders were anchoring, especially when Solas gently tugged her in against him. She burrowed in, letting him support her. She didn't deserve it, but she needed it. Especially considering the way her head fit under his chin, as anchoring as the arms around her. It's not like she had anywhere to hide now.

"It's just stuff." She murmured, for what felt like the fiftieth time. "Just some jealous asshole, all he did was ruin my stuff, it's not some big conspiracy."

"Yeah, just like they totally canceled our protest because they were worried about traffic, and not because those corporate jerkbags paid them off." Mira retorted sarcastically. "I can't believe this shit. Do they seriously get everything they want? I can't believe everyone lets them get away with this." 

"Mira..." She replied warningly, frowning at the heavy sigh from the other end of the phone. "What is this about your protest? They canceled it?"

She felt Solas go still, but he was occupied with soothing her, hands moving in slow circles over her shoulders. She tilted her head in against his hand, and he stroked her cheek gently. The reassurance was kind of needed, though she was starting to feel awkward about depending on him. Probably have to go hide in the bathroom again after this.

"The asshole Keeper's council is backing down, but its fine. Really, it's fine, we're working it out." Mira replied and the slight evasiveness of it made her nervous. There was just far too many things she should be upset about right now. It was too exhausting to dig at. "We'll figure something out. They can't keep this out of the news. They will not get away with this."

"If you're legally allowed...never mind. Never mind, Mira, just be smart, okay?" She mumbled, and then sighed, shaking her head lightly. "I'm sorry, bug, I know this was important to you."

"I shouldn't...shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be self-centered, Ellie. Are you okay?" She appreciated the concern in her sister's voice, but honestly, she was starting to get tired of it. "Like, not just you, but in the head."

"Yep. I'll be fine. Stuff is just stuff, right?" Again, she forced herself to stop thinking about the broken glass, her shattered art. "Everything's fine. I mean, not okay. But. It's..."

"It's whatever." Mira supplied simply.

"It's whatever." She agreed, giving up and letting the meaningless word encapsulate the stupid, helpless feeling, breathing out another sigh. "...Yeah."  
"Give the phone to your boyfriend." Mira demanded, and at her wordless protest, grumbled reluctantly. "I'm gonna be nice. Give him the phone, please."  
"No way, you're not talking to him." She retorted, and then rolled her eyes as one of the arms around her loosened, and Solas lifted his hand. "Please no yelling. Please no fighting, I can't...I can't handle it today."  
Lowering her hand, she placed the phone into his palm, and then turned and buried her face against his chest. The arm still around her lifted, and he gently cradled the back of her head, fingers massaging lightly.  
"Good morning, Mira." Solas greeted her pleasantly, voice low and calm. Ellie knew it was for her, but it was soothing, especially with her ear to his chest. Helped her tune out her sister's voice. "Yes, clean up is going well, the living room is almost painted. I..."  
There was a pause, and she could hear the faint sound of Mira's voice getting hard, a bit more strident.   
"No, I will not let him hurt her, though I think she is quite capable of fending for herself, as long as she stays sensible and lets people worry over her a little." He stiffened a little at her warning slap on the ass, but then relaxed again, his fingers resuming their light massaging. "He will be dealt with, I assure you. And I...yes, if the situation calls for it, I will not hesitate."  
Okay, now Ellie wanted to ask, but it didn't seem like the time to interrupt. Also she was kind of letting her brain turn off. She sort of needed it for a minute.  
"Yes, I agree, they are horrible. I suppose that's something we can...yes, I understand that you don't like me." He sounded vaguely exasperated, which made her smile against him. "I am fully aware that has not changed. I promise you, everything that is capable of being replaced, will be replaced."  
When he heaved a slow, heavy sigh, she already knew what was coming. She knew it, and she fully agreed. This was one disagreement there was no way he was gonna win.  
"I would not call it blood money..." He started, and then Mira's voice got louder, enough so that she could almost pick out individual words. "I..."  
She glanced up, and met his eyes as he looked down at her, exasperation clear. It was hard to hide the smile, so she didn't. After a few seconds, he reluctantly returned it, shaking his head.  
"You are correct. It is Ellana's decision." And he didn't sound completely pleased with that. Probably worried it would insult his aunt. "Yes, I will tell her. Understood."  
He lowered the phone, but when she grabbed it she saw that Mira had already hung up. Annoying, but unsurprising. Sighing, she tucked it back into her pocket, tilting her head away from the attempted stroke of her cheek.  
"I'm not...I need a minute." She finally responded, apology wordless, but still there. "Just...stuff, and..."  
"I understand. If you were upset with me, you'd tell me." It was as much a statement as it was a plea for reassurance, but at least her quiet 'mhm' seemed enough, because he turned and left the empty room.  
When the door closed behind him, she turned to survey the...well, not completely empty room, but it felt like it. Her rescued from a curb dresser was in the middle of it, with her battered table, but apart from that and her closet, she'd never had the small space feel so...empty.  
"It's just stuff." She told herself, quietly, trying to avoid the tears that threatened again, words spilling out, small and sad. "It's just...stuff."  
Stuff that reminded her of how impermanent her life was, of how little all the struggling and working meant, in the end. It hadn't bought her safety, or happiness, or anything. It bought her secondhand furniture, little pieces of glass that could be smashed in an instant, and a bank account for her sister that she was fighting to fill. Mira's college money. That's what meant something. This stupid empty room didn't mean anything.  
"This stupid empty life..." She whispered to herself, and then lifted a hand as a few tears escaped, spilling down either side of her nose.   
There weren't many tears right now, because there was too much going on to feel sorry for herself much.  
It might be stupid and empty, after all, but it was her life, and she could still use it to make Mira's better. She might not have things, or money, but she had friends. People who were helping her, right now, while she was sitting in here having a pity party for one.  
"Stop this crap right now. You should be out there helping." She ordered herself, slapping her cheeks briskly. The sting helped, and she breathed in sharply. "People care about you, so you're obviously worth something and he...he likes you, and he knows what a fuckup you are, so everything's fine, you're fine, stop being dumb."  
Like was a good word, a casual word, like all the ones she tried and failed to use when her brain got more mixed up than it should be. And now wasn't the time to start thinking too much about how inadequate it was. She could let him worry over her without letting herself freak out about it.  
"You've got bigger problems." She reminded herself, turning for the door. "Only crazy people talk to themselves, you..."  
The door burst open, and she yelped as something huge surged in, blocking out the light. It nearly fell on her, but she staggered frantically back, falling on her ass as she tripped on her own panicked feet, nearly knocking over her work table.   
Eyes wide, she stared as a mattress 'flump'ed on the floor unceremoniously, revealing the broadly beaming face of Marian Hawke.  
"Ellie! I brought you a bed!" She declared, throwing her arms wide. "You're very welcome. I know, you're too overcome with thanks to..."  
"We haven't painted in there yet, Hawke!" Cullen complained from the living room, and Marian rolled her eyes heavily. "Bring that back out here!"  
"Do it yourself, Cullen!" Marian retorted, turning on her heel and stalking out. "Fenris and I dragged that all the way up from the car, you know! I need a beer! Ass!"  
Still sitting on her ass, blinking as hurricane Hawke stomped off, giving Cullen the finger, Ellie abruptly burst into laughter.

 

The rest of the afternoon went a bit more smoothly, and with enough work to do that Ellie didn't feel quite so on edge any more. Thankfully, the more she relaxed, the more people stopped looking at her out of the corners of her eyes as if she was a live bomb. That was nice. Solas being nearby was calming and anchoring, though every now and again she could tell how pissed he was.

She sort of wished she could tell him that it was her fault, all of this was, but she had to prove to Mythal that she couldn't be scared off. Not yet. She'd already decided she had to tell him all of this, that part was obvious, but she just...had to figure out how. And how to get him to believe her. That's what she needed, something for him to believe.

She just...didn't know what that was. She hadn't found it yet.

The bedroom was drying when they got ready for work, paint sharp in the air. It'd taken her a bit, though most of her shirts were fine, she really only wore one pair of pants, and they'd gotten ripped. Eventually she found a skirt that sort of worked, fit the color code at least, and wasn't too short. Kind of tight on the butt. Frowning, she tugged at the fabric, shifting in place. Awkward. A night of panty lines wasn't the worst situation.

"Does this skirt make my butt look weird? Like, do I need to be wearing a thong? I'm not super up for that at work." She asked, peeking over her shoulder as Solas paused and stared at her oddly, fingers stilling on the buttons of his shirt. "No?"

"You look lovely." He finally replied, and she scoffed lightly and went hunting for tights in the depths of the closet. "Vhenan, are you going to feel up for discussing the money? I understand pride, but Mythal is offering this as a repayment, you realize, it's not charity...you can put it in your sister's..."

"You remember when I said money was never going to be okay to talk about? This falls under that." She responded, trying to not sound as clipped as she knew she was. "I'm not trying to...you've been great today, but I'm on edge, and I'm gonna be on edge, so this is me...talking...and there's no room for filtering right now. I can't take the fucking check. There's no way in hell it's happening. Please...don't bring it up again."  
"Understood. I wish you felt up for discussing it instead of dismissing, but you have told me finances are off limits, and I respect that." He replied, and when she sighed heavily, gently reminded her, "It's not you I'm angry with."  
"I just hate that you're angry at all." She admitted, finally finding something workable, folded up into a ball in the bottom of a bin. Turning around, she settled on her rear end and started unfolding them. "I know, I can't control your feelings, and I don't want to, it's just..."  
"Feeling helpless is incredibly frustrating." He remarked, voice somewhat wry, and she laughed quietly, acknowledging that they were probably both stuck there right now. "Where are we sleeping to..."  
When he trailed off, she blinked and glanced up, lips quirking up into a hint of a smile as she realized he was watching her slide on the thin tights. She ducked her head a little, and he broke his stare to glance up into her eyes, clearing his throat quietly, flushing.  
"Do I need to wear stockings more often?" She teased, feeling the little weight in her gut easing off just a little more. "Me telling you that you can go home tonight isn't going to work, is it?"  
"Not unless you happen to be with me, no." He agreed calmly, and she gave a small sigh. "I understand if you truly need space and time away from me, but if this has anything to do with you not wanting to 'bother'..."  
"It does." She admitted with a grimace as she rose to her feet and tugged the tights up. The temptation to lie was there, but she didn't want to lie to him. "And me not wanting to seem needy, or weak, or..."  
"My heart." He sighed, and she took the hand he offered as he crossed to her, letting herself be pulled in. "If I started listing every contradiction to the negative things you seem to think about yourself, we would never leave this room. If you would even let me."  
"I wouldn't." She mumbled defensively, letting his arms tighten, taking that comfort without complaint. "Today is bad. It's gonna be bad. I can just...accept the badness, and be glad that my friends are awesome, and plot ways to get back at them for this."  
"I think that is an excellent idea. I am actually...surprised that they've been so welcoming of me." His voice was a little hesitant, and she pulled back to peek up into my face. "This is my...well, it could be construed as being my fault, and I am..."  
"You'll notice Anders wasn't here." She pointed out, and he smiled lopsidedly. "Cullen knows you. Bull likes you, he says he can read people and tell if they're worth a shit. Merrill and Isa like you. Hawke likes everyone except Cullen and my boss at the store, Fenris is actually pretty easy to get along with, the glaring is just a habit."  
He was smiling a little now, and she returned it, head tilting to the side. It was nice to see him relax a little.  
"It is difficult for me to tell." He admitted, and she nodded in understanding. "Perhaps my habit of ah...blaming myself for all of this is at fault."  
"Probably." She agreed dryly, feeling a little more at home reassuring him, instead of needing reassurance. "Anyways, Hawke said you have a nice butt, and if I wanted to 'elf trade' she'd be down, so."  
"I wasn't aware we were interchangeable." That got a real smile from him, and her stomach finally stopped feeling on the edge of nausea. "I suppose I'll have to try a bit harder to be irreplaceable."  
"Ah, you're doing pretty good." She reassured, tilting her chin up as he tucked a finger underneath it and stroked upwards, a slow, beckoning caress. "Besides, you do that thing with your tongue that I really like."  
"Which thing was that, exactly?" He asked, and as always, she ended up with his lips against theirs without really knowing how it happened. They just sort of got dragged together. "The one that would make you a half hour late for work?"  
"Mhmm, that one." She agreed, head tilting to the side as his hand slid down to grab her ass, squeezing and lifting up. "For once you don't get to tell me my boss wouldn't mind. Leliana's on duty."  
"I plan to make up for it tonight. You deserve a good night's sleep."   
The last word was murmured into her mouth as he kissed her at last, and she didn't even care that he was trying to be distracting. It was a good distraction. She'd never really thought before that she was a fan of slow and lazy, but he had a way of making it still...unbearably hot. She was already limp and mindless by the time his tongue insinuated itself, hand on her ass kneading, pulling her in against his thigh.  
"Work." She murmured as he pulled back to bite her bottom lip, breathing out against him in a little shiver as he tugged on it and then released it. "You need to stop now, or I really am going to be a half hour late."  
"Vhenan..." He murmured, in that wholly intimate way she was uncomfortable with when they weren't distracted with...other things. Which she was sure he knew, so he was turning it on her now, when he'd kissed his way past her barriers. "Look at me, please."  
Reluctantly, but with the warmth still in her stomach and the thumb still stroking her cheek, she lifted her eyes to his. It was hard not to flinch at the softness there, so damn easy and open.  
"You are not alone." He told her quietly, hand sliding up to her lower back to pull her back in at her instinctual pull back. "My heart, look at me. I mean it. You are not alone. It's all right."  
"I know." She replied reluctantly, gaze sliding across his as he tried to hold it, stomach twisting again in all sorts of less pleasant ways. "I know, okay?"  
"All right." He relented, but he sounded a little defeated, which she felt bad about. Forcing her gaze up, she managed to meet his eyes again, until they went warm once more and he stroked her cheek. "All right, vhenan. We'll leave it at that. For now."  
"Stop making me be functional." She grumbled as slid a hand down her shoulder and took hers, their fingers twining together.  
"Perhaps I'm simply reminding you that you are." He replied calmly, and she followed after him as he moved to get his bag and her purse from on top of the work table. "I know you have extra hours tomorrow to cover for Olivia's departure, and I have school, but on Wednesday maybe we can go look into replacing your tools, at the very least."  
"I'd...like that." She murmured, thinking of the nearly-finished panels hiding in her lamp bin. "Thanks, honey."  
"Of course." He agreed simply, and passed her her purse as they headed out into the starkly white, weirdly empty living room.

It had just been a couch and a television, really, but the room without them seemed...weird. It gave her that spooky, nails down her spine feeling all over again, some little part of her brain reminding her that she wasn't safe. Her home wasn't safe. She must have startled a little, or something, because Solas pulled her in closer as they left, arm tucking around her waist.

It made it harder to walk, but easier to breathe.

 

Work that night was good.

Not good in the sense that it went well, it was fairly ordinary, but good in that it let her mind be numb.

Numb and exhausted and somehow both happy and miserable all at the same time, running on emotional fumes. It was a weird, hard mix to deal with. Work was helping a lot, though, giving her something to focus on, something to do. Solas and Cullen had fielded all the gossip, which was nice, though Sera had asked her about five or six times which asses needed kicking.

She'd actually sort of expected Andruil to show up, but she didn't, which was worrying. If she had told Mythal...ugh, her brain couldn't get caught up in that tonight. She tried not to freak out too much, which was easy when she had no energy. Dorian just pulled her a couple shots and didn't let her pay for them. Josie hugged her before she left.

She much preferred being the one helping people, instead of helped, but had to admit that it made her feel a little better.

By the time she was done, she was feeling strong enough to insist they spend the night at her place. She had a new mattress to break in, after all, even if despite the earlier playfulness, sex was the last thing on her mind. She knew he wouldn't push if she didn't seem willing to instigate. She was just hoping...that a night's sleep would get rid of that icky, violated feeling. She had no idea if she'd be capable of sleeping tonight without jumping at every sound.

When she fumbled her key into the lock and pushed the door open, at first she thought she was in the wrong apartment. Staring blankly, she pulled back and glanced at the wall next to the door, rousing a chuckle from Solas, the hand on her lower back nudging her forward.

"You have very good friends, my heart." He murmured as she stepped, stunned, over the threshold.

The new couch obviously wasn't new, and the television probably a little on the elderly side, but she wouldn't have taken anything brand new anyways. Which they knew. The dishes stacked on the counter were mismatched but clean and unbroken, and sitting next to them was a new jar, just like the old one.

Except this one was full.

They knew, after all, where she wouldn't be able to say no to the help, didn't they? For Mira. 

She took in a shuddering breath, lower lip quivering, vision already starting to swim as she blinked rapidly. When he finished locking the door and reached for her, she threw herself at him to hide her face. While she sobbed, trembling helplessly, he gently scooped her up and carried her towards the bedroom. She'd managed to hide the tears from him all day, but she just couldn't any more. She couldn't, and somehow it felt so much better than crying alone.

"You aren't alone, vhenan." He reminded her again, quietly, and then said nothing else.

She cried herself into exhaustion, wrapped in his arms, hiding from all of the pain and guilt and everything she couldn't say.

When she couldn't cry any more, sleep came more easily than she would have thought possible.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Something was wrong with this week.   
Back of the neck prickling, bone deep, just wrong. She wished she knew why, because it was really starting to freaking bug her. It wasn't just her, she was pretty sure. Anders was being straight up weird when she saw him at the store getting food, and lied through his teeth when she asked what he'd been up to.  
She knew for a fact he hadn't been doing something with the day before Ali, because Ali had been over at the apartment watching movies. She assumed he thought she had evening shift like usual, but she'd been covering Olivia's hours on Wednesday, plus dinner rush. She'd been home by seven.  
It'd taken her a minute to realize he was lying to her, and she wasn't just going crazy, because after this week...well, whatever. He was probably just seeing someone again. Anders was weird about that stuff.  
Or maybe he was mad at her.  
Or maybe she was thinking up conspiracy theories to distract herself from the guilt that got worse by the day. She kept hoping Andruil would show up, somehow provide the piece of evidence she needed to convince Solas that his aunt was a ravening she-beast. Before the axe came down.  
She'd gotten another text yesterday from a blocked number, and at least this time she'd saved it and not answered. All it said was 'I'm very sorry, Ellana. You can still do the right thing.', which, you know. Ominous as fuck and all. Because that's what she needed in her life right now. Creepy ominous messages that were just vague enough not to show to anyone.  
The creepy feeling had started to get better, though it was hard for her to go into the apartment alone. She tried to hide the fact, but considering Solas still wouldn't let her walk home alone, it was difficult to do. Got a little jumpy. Some people would probably hate the feeling of being babysat, which she totally got, but it didn't bother her. It was kind of comforting, in its own way once she unbent enough to accept it.  
Solas was starting to notice she was a little off. He kept trying not to worry, but he'd asked if she was all right far too often. It was hard to act normal. Who knew guilt kept getting worse if you tried to ignore it? Still, it'd been almost a week, and she was starting to think it was over.  
Saturday afternoon was when it all went to hell.

 

She'd just woken up around three, grateful again that Marian had stolen the mattress from her mom's guest room. No bed frame yet, but even without it, still way more comfortable than her old one. Weekend idiocy meant her brain was completely fried, and she didn't bother checking her phone until after she'd showered and downed a mug of coffee.  
And found she had like...fifty billion messages.  
Not just the too casual 'hey how you doing' messages she'd been getting lately, but actual messages, repeatedly asking if she'd seen the news, sending her links, and...  
She didn't want to look at a single one of them. That feeling she'd been having? Yeah, it was worse now. Instead she called Solas, after reminding herself he was at work. So, if he didn't pick up, no big.  
"Vhenan." No surprise in his voice, though he sounded a little breathless. "Just a moment, I was in the kitchen. Did you see?"  
"No, I just woke up, saw I had tons of messages, and called you in case it was something horrible." She replied, stomach still knotted up awkwardly. "Just tell me, does it involve people dying?"  
"No. Apparently someone received internal documents regarding the Brecillian land deal. Do you re...what am I saying, of course you do."   
"Keeper Lanaya is a friend of mine. Sort of. Arlathvhen friend, we see each other every few years, I guess." She replied, a little confusedly. This? This was such a big deal that everyone had to tell her about it? "I don't get it, so someone leaked some documents from your uncle's company about an old land deal? So what?"  
"Bribes, false information, intimidation tactics. All in internal emails and documents." Solas replied, and she could hear the background noise cut off as he closed the office door. "And a few regarding the court case with your clan."  
"Wait, what?" Okay, that wasn't what she was expecting. "You mean they're...doing the same stuff, and someone leaked some of it? No offense, honey, but that doesn't seem like something your uncle would let get out. He seems to be fond of hushing things up."  
"He may have had a chance, but it was everywhere this morning. Aggregate sites, everywhere. And...apparently the leak was coordinated with some..." He paused, a bit awkwardly, and when he finished her stomach sank a little. "Destructive protesting. At the construction of that new shopping complex outside of Ostwick."  
"What do you mean, destructive...protesting?" She knew about the complex, of course, basically the same thing as they planned to plop down on the land they were 'buying'. She hadn't known it was the same company, but it made sense.  
So many weird little tentacles, from what she had found on the internet. It seemed like the whole world was owned by little companies that belonged to those massive parent companies. Made the scope of what she was going up against even scarier, so she'd stopped digging, honestly. It psyched her out.  
"Half a million dollars in damage, at current estimation. A great deal of paint, some equipment destroyed. Copies of the emails in question plastered across every available surface."  
"Don't construction sites have...security?" It was all she could think of to say, it made no sense. "I don't...this sounded like a good thing, but now it sort of sounds like a bad thing?"  
"Apparently this one did not. Budget cuts? Oversight? Collusion? It's difficult to say, my heart." He must have heard her starting to freak out a little, because his voice got calmer. "It could be a very good thing, but you are right, the destruction is...well, it's entirely possible without it no one would have even paid attention to the emails. It is important to your clan, of course, but to others..."  
"No, I'm not offended, you're right. So they busted up a bunch of shit so news and people would pay attention?" Wearily she lifted a hand to rub her face. "It doesn't mean it was the clan, or any of the clans. It could be...someone with a grudge, just some random internet vigilantes. Don't a bunch of people hate your uncle?"  
"Many people. If they have no evidence of who has done it, then I doubt there is much they can do. Obviously they will be trying to bury this again very quickly, but for the matter of this court case..." Solas replied, carefully. "It could be a very good thing for your clan, my heart."  
"If they even accept it. Or believe it." She replied, exhaling a slow breath, annoyed by how dull her voice was. "That stuff can be faked, right?  
"It's enough to start investigations. They name public officials, judges, police..." He paused, voice calm as she let out another long sigh. "Difficult to say right now, vhenan. You...this isn't quite how I expected you to react, if I am being honest."  
"I knew we were screwed from the start." She admitted, trying not to sound as defeated as she was. "I mean, I'm sure Mira's jumping for joy right abut now, but to me it just feels like a delay of execution. Or something."  
"You're starting to worry me." His confession made her frown, and she lifted her free hand again to scratch at her scalp. "You don't sound like yourself, my heart. I wish you would have taken some time off, you've had a difficult week, you need to rest."  
"How exactly am I supposed to find time to do that? In the two hours between shifts?" She wasn't angry at him, she was angry at this crummy situation, but she was just...so tired of feeling bad. "When I'm not fighting tooth and nail to try and make sure my sister doesn't end up as worthless as I am?"  
"Ellana!" The surprise and hurt in his voice bothered her, but she was too wound up now to let it go. "I understand that you are under a great deal of stress, my heart, but..."  
"No, you don't fucking understand! That's the worst part of it! You don't!" She wanted him to, more than anything, but she knew he'd never believe her. Why would he? "We're screwed! We've been screwed from the start, don't you get it? We've always been. There's no way to win."  
She was talking to herself, which she was well aware of. All the guilt, anger, fear and frustration just bubbled over into a nasty, sick feeling, which she eventually identified as despair. It was already over, wasn't it? And here she was, yelling at him.  
"I...I'm sorry." She mumbled into the stunned silence, dropping her head down onto her knee as she pulled her foot up onto the mattress. "You're right, it's just been a long week."  
"I...you'll get some proper rest tomorrow, my heart, and we'll have a quiet day together, all right?" Solas offered calmly, and she let out a long, slow sigh. "Don't forget, we have a day off next week."  
"I'm a mess." Pushing to her feet, she paced to the window, staring down into the street. "Complete..."  
Despair was still hanging around, but suddenly the fear came back, sharper than ever as she watched a long, sleek car drive up the street like a shark through water, abruptly snapping back into focus as Solas spoke in her ear again.  
"...Think you are perfect just as you are, you know that. I need to be getting back to work, will you be all right?"  
"Sure...sure." She replied numbly, watching Mythal get out of her car, feeling her heart sinking. It'd never been so physical before, the sense of impending defeat. "I'll see you in a couple hours anyways."  
"Let me know if you don't feel up for making it in, we'll...work something out, my heart. I'll see you later."   
"See you later, honey." She replied in a whisper, lowering the phone from her ear as she ended the call. "I hope."

 

She got the door for her. What else could she do? Talk to her outside, where anyone could see? Leave her waiting? It was better just to let her come in, do her nasty bitch queen routine, and then get back out again. Mythal seemed surprised by the state of her apartment, which gave her a hint of nasty amusement. Today she was all sleek in black, like a panther, hair as perfect as ever, golden eyes distant. She was carrying a plain file folder under her arm.  
"What the fuck do you want, and what the fuck will it take to get you to leave?" She asked bluntly the instant she'd closed the front door, leaving it unlocked. "No offense, I'm just sort of over your stupid fucking games."  
"Expressive, if not very refined. Thank you for the candor." Mythal replied, and then smiled, genuinely smiled when she sighed. "Every time we meet I like you more and more, Ellana."  
"Not. Feeling. Complimentary." She replied slowly, carefully enunciating each word. "Can we save the monologues and gloating villain speeches? I don't have any dogs for you to murder to make a coat, I don't know what a fucking spindle looks like, and I'm pretty fucking sure you're not my stepmother, so let's can the fucking tropes and get on with this shit."  
Nerves and adrenaline made her quippy, apparently, but shit, she felt like she'd just downed a pot of coffee and rage. Her space. Her space being invaded by the enemy again. Would home ever feel safe again?  
"The truth of the matter is, Ellana, I fear your sister has fallen in with a bad crowd." Mythal remarked smoothly, the vague amusement fading. Not that she believed the sympathy that took its place, not even a little. "I know how difficult this must be for you."  
She took the folder handed to her by rote, staring at it for a moment before thumbing it open. A pile of photographs, smooth and glossy, fanning out as she ran her fingers over the top one. Black and white, night shots. Mira. Of course, Mira.  
The fucking construction site.  
"You bitch." The words came out between gritted teeth, as she stared at the pictures.  
Other people there, but they were obscured, shadows and angles. No, all of the pictures were of her sister. Spraypaint in hand, stack of papers, helping to bash in the corrugated wall of an office. Very good shots of her face, like it'd been planned. There was no mistaking her for anyone else.  
"I understand that you are upset, Ellana. I'm going to be blunt with you, you seem to appreciate that." A hand reached out, one perfect nail tapping the topmost picture. "This will go away. Today. There will be no repercussions for your sister. No jail time, no loss of her clan position or scholarships."  
"Why are you so determined to drag him back in? Why?" She should be thinking about Mira, but right now her miserable mind was trying to unravel why anyone would go to such lengths to destroy someone's life. "Why do you want him to be miserable? Don't you love him at all?"  
"Of course I love my nephew." Mythal actually sounded surprised, hand withdrawing as Ellie lifted her head to meet her eyes. "I love all of my children, and that is precisely why I must do this. The nuance of the situation is simply not your business, and I couldn't possibly expect you to understand it. All you need to understand is that this little show of defiance is over, Ellana."  
"No. Fuck you. That's not how this works. You don't...set up my sister in some bizarre fucking twisted trap, waltz in here and tell me to dump my boyfriend, and not give me a fucking reason!" Yes, she was angry now. And she was going to stay angry. "Let Solas be happy! Stop destroying everything! What is wrong with you?"  
"Do you know how long it has taken me to undo the damage my idiot husband did just to get rid of that scholarship program? What good is a secured future if there's no one to give it to?" Mythal retorted, lifting a hand to rub her forehead wearily. "Ellana, you have no future with my nephew. It may seem lovely now, but it will wear on you. Love cannot survive or thrive in poverty, my dear."  
"You talk like we're living in a dumpster! We do fine!" Anger was fading again, the intense, painful worry overtaking her again. She was trapped, wasn't she? Backed into a corner. Pitifully, she finished, "Fuck...fuck you."  
Poor Mira.   
She couldn't let this happen. Not now. She might as well be shouting against the tide for all the good it would do. All she could do now was take the path that would cause the least amount of damage to her sister's future.   
"Would you like me to cut you another check?" Mythal offered, and she wanted to strangle her for the kindness in her voice. All she did was glare, hard and cold. "No? I didn't think so. You're a wonderful young woman, Ellana. I hope you find a way to move past this. Some things in life are simply..."  
"Shut the fuck up and get out of my home." She replied icily, closing the folder and clutching it to her chest. "You've won, leave while I'm still reminding myself that punching you is a bad idea."  
"I suggest you handle it quickly." Mythal turned for the door, walking past her, voice going cool and calm again. "It will be less painful for both of you that way. You have until tonight."  
The door closed quietly as she stared at it, flat and blank and cold. Gaze shifting slowly downwards, she turned her attention to the pictures in her hands. It had to be. There had to be a way out of this, right?  
There just had to be.

 

She'd been standing in front of her work table for an hour, torn between tears and hard, flat coping. The pictures were spread out across it, each one unmistakable. Mira. Every single one of them, impossible not to recognize her face. It didn't make sense. It couldn't have been all just to catch her out, could it have? How did Mira even get mixed up in this mess? Was it all staged? And for what reason, why would Mythal release this own junk about her own company? The more she thought about it, the more her head hurt.  
She'd read every article, watched every video, stomach going sicker, mind growing more defeated. A grandiose statement from the alleged 'perpetrators' of it all, a blaring manifesto demanding corporate transparency. Demanding the return of land, that corrupt officials be prosecuted. This was all too twisty for her. She was trapped in the middle of this massive maze, and she couldn't see around any single corner.  
But there was a way out. Just one way out of the labyrinth, and even if she couldn't save herself, she could save Mira. As long as Mythal was telling the truth, she could walk right out of the maze.  
If she wasn't, she could tell him then. It would be too late for Mira if that happened, but for now it wasn't, and that's what she had to focus on. Saving her sister.  
All she had to do was make the hardest phone call she'd ever had to make in her life.  
She had to do it quickly, stop thinking and just do it. Handle it. Breathing in, slowly, she reached for her phone and then exhaled. Her hand was shaking, but gradually her mind took over, and she stilled. It was all right.   
"Do it for Mira." She told herself, voice confident. "You always knew it was going to be over soon, anyways. He'll be better for it in the long run. Happier."  
Without her.  
Lifting her phone, she made the call.  
"I'm going to need the night off after all." She said the instant he picked up, voice calm and quiet. "Sorry. And...I think..."  
"What's wrong, vhenan?" He asked, and she closed her eyes against the sudden stab of pain, forcing it down, out of the way.  
Mira. Just do this for Mira. Close yourself off, don't think about how this is going to hurt him. Do it for her, that's all you need to worry about. If you don't do this, she's completely fucked.  
"I think things are just...over. Between us. I'm sorry." The shocked sound he made hurt, but she kept talking over it, forcing herself onwards doggedly. "It's...nothing to do with you, I just thought I could handle this but I can't. It's too much for me, and it's just not what I want, so...Thanks...for everything, but we're through."  
"Ellana, I...are you breaking up with me? If something is wrong we can talk about this." He sounded so confused, wounded in a way she'd been fighting all this time to avoid. "We can talk about this, vhenan, please, don't shut me out like this."  
"You know me. I guess we both knew it was going to happen eventually." She replied in her best flippant voice, trying to be dismissive. It was hard when she felt like throwing up. "I'm sorry. I'm actually trying to be...respectful to you. It's just...I can't handle it any more. Okay? We both know I'm not cut out for this shit."  
"No, actually, I don't know that." This time his voice was hard, and she flinched, lifting a hand to wipe the tears from her cheeks, lower lip trembling violently. "I understand that things have been stressful, and that maybe you have been overwhelmed. I do understand that this is new for you, but..."  
"I don't need your permission to break up with you, Solas!" Her voice caught on his name, but she wouldn't let it turn into a sob. Not now, she'd almost gotten through this. "I don't fucking need anyone's permission to live my life how I want! And if that means I want to be a fuckup loser who can't handle relationships, then so be it! What right do you have to try and change me?"  
"I am not trying to change you, Ellana!" It sounded as if he was probably crying too, and she felt horrible for it, but it had to be now. She couldn't let this drag on, she couldn't risk Mythal getting antsy. "I am trying to..."  
"Well, you failed. I hope you'll be luckier next time, okay?" She had to cut him off, couldn't hear the rest of it. "So, sorry. I hope you can cover my shift. I'm going to be cool about this. I'm not going to make a big deal about it at work."  
He was talking, pleading, but it was too late. Far too late. Quickly she hung up the phone, and then violently pushed down the power button until it turned off. It fell to the bed, limply, as the nausea reached a sudden peak. Blindly as the bile rose, she sprinted for the bathroom, a hand clapped over her mouth.  
The tile hurt when she fell to her knees, clutching the edges of the toilet as she lost the contents of her stomach. Tears mixed with painful heaving of her stomach, gulping sobs interrupted by retching. It seemed to go on forever, and even when there was nothing left to throw up, she still felt sick, forehead resting on her folded arms across the toilet, whole body shaking. She was crying, she knew she was, because every now and again her breath would catch in her throat, leaving her gaping silently for air until she thought she would suffocate.   
It hurt. It hurt so much.  
Why did it hurt so much?  
She sobbed herself hoarse, eyes painfully raw, back shuddering with every single one. Curled protectively around the toilet, she didn't even hear Merrill enter, until the hand rested on her shoulder. She flinched away, violently, staring up into her friend's face, a worried look in the big green eyes turned down on her.  
"I fucked it all up again. Why do I always do this?" Ellie told her, face crumpling as Merrill knelt down and pulled her in, hating herself for taking the comfort when it was all her fault, but needing it more than anything right now. "I ruin everything!"  
"Oh, Ellie...it'll all be all right. Whatever's happened, you can work it out." Merrill sighed, holding her tightly as she clutched her and sobbed pitifully, chest throbbing. "He cares very much about you, you know."  
"I can't, he can't...nobody can fix this..." She whimpered, hating herself for feeling so fucking wretched when she should be glad she'd saved her sister. "Why would anyone ever fucking care about me?"  
She heard Merrill sigh, and then the arms around her tightened, a cheek resting on the top of her head. When she shuddered violently, breathing in, one of the hands on her back rubbed lightly.  
"You love him very much, don't you?" Merrill asked quietly.  
All she could do was cry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sitting on the couch after being trundled out by Merrill, Ellie obediently sipped at a cup of water, washing away the minty bite of toothpaste. Her stomach was still rocky, but there was nothing to throw up, and duller misery had overtaken the nauseous pain. Merrill was good at fussing over people. It didn't really help, but she was pretty sure nothing would at this point.

She'd never felt like such a horrible person in her entire life.

"Just because you've ended things every time before, Ellie, when they got to be a bit much...doesn't mean you have to this time." Merrill finally said, cautiously. "Things are different with him, aren't they? You certainly can't hide that from me, you know."

"It doesn't matter, it's too late now." She repeated quietly, staring down into the water. "Things will just be..."

She didn't actually know how to finish that sentence, letting it trail off into silence. 

"Does this have something to do with what happened to the apartment? You said it was..." Merrill's words trailed off, her head tilting to the side. "It's not like you to be frightened away now, is it?"

"I don't..." Evasively she glanced aside, lips pursing. She couldn't really tell Merrill, could she? She really did want to tell someone, but it seemed too dangerous. Maybe that was all instincts, though, making her protect her sister. "It has to do with Mira, I guess."

"Oh, well. I know she doesn't care for him, and I suppose I understand. If I was eighteen I wouldn't either." Merrill replied, voice a little wry. "When you're that young it doesn't really seem like people change, does it? You've given up a lot for her, and even if she doesn't appreciate it, that doesn't mean you have to..."

"It's not..." The urge to tell kept getting worse, as if it would somehow make the pain in her chest a little bit better, take some of the crushing weight from her shoulders. Make her feel less crazy. It didn't have to change anything, did it? At least then someone would know the truth. "On my table. In my room, there's...just go look."

Something in the tone of her voice must have been worrying, but she flinched away from the hand extended to her, shaking her head. She didn't want comforting. Not now. The couch shifted, and she watched in silence as Merrill walked away, disappearing into the bedroom. If only she had more than just her word, some pictures, and a stupid check. But now it didn't matter how much proof she had, she couldn't sacrifice Mira.

It took a couple minutes for Merrill to return, attention on the photos in her hands as she sorted through them. When she glanced up, meeting her eyes, Ellie frowned. She was going to ask, might as well get it out of the way.

"His aunt...first she tried to buy me off...never seen so many zeroes on a check in my life. Then she...trashed our apartment. Well, her son did. I'm sorry." She murmured, shifting down the couch as Merrill moved to sit down, casting her gaze aside. "Now she...blackmailed me, I guess. We were going to break up eventually anyways, so...it hurts a lot, but that's better than going to jail."

"Well...that's a bit...worse than I thought." Merrill replied cautiously, sliding the photos back in the folder and closing it carefully. Leaning forward, she set it down on the table, and then straightened up again. "Does he know all about this, then? Did you...tell him?"

"It doesn't matter, it's over. I'm not letting anything happen to Mira." She replied dismissively, forcing her voice to be cold. "This is the safest way. Like I said, it was going to happen eventually anyways, so better to get it out of the way."

"What did she tell you, exactly? When you made...when you made this deal?" Merrill asked cautiously, and she let her gaze shift sidelong, curiously. "I was just wondering."

"She...didn't, really. Just a lot of...insinuation. 'Securing a better future' for him or whatever. She talks like a politician." Ellie replied with a sigh, reaching down to close the folder. She couldn't stand to look at the pictures any more. "We both knew what she meant, though."

"Well, you did what she wanted you to. Why can't you tell him why you had to?" Merrill suggested calmly, and she gave a small, bitter laugh. "I'm being quite serious, Ellie, why not?"

"She'll just turn around and throw Mira in jail. I can't risk it. Besides, it won't change anything." And she was terrified of the very idea, admittedly. What good would it do? "It won't...change anything. I have to stay away from him."

"He has a right to know, doesn't he?" Merrill insisted calmly. "He should know what's been going on."

"He won't believe me!" She retorted, starting to get angry. Why wasn't she listening?

"Well then, what's the harm in telling him, then?" Merrill pointed out, ignoring the sharpness of her voice. "If it won't change anything, and he won't believe you, then what's the harm in giving him the truth?"

Stunned, she stared at Merrill, trying desperately to think up some sort of rebuttal, some excuse. Her mind was going a mile a minute, but nothing was coming out of it. Nothing of value, anyways. 

"Ellie." The interjection was gentle, and she mentally prepared herself. "I know you, don't I? I've seen what you do. I've seen how things go for you."

"I'm bad at relationships." She agreed, relaxing just a little. This was familiar ground. "I guess this isn't proving anything different, is it?"

"You're not bad at them. You just leave them before they can leave you, don't you?" Merrill asked, and she froze again, unable to shrink away as her friend continued calmly, but unrelentingly. "Oh, certainly you make it easier on yourself, usually, with the people you date. You must have cared about him a great deal from the start, to be brave enough to try."

"Yeah, I'm real brave." She replied sarcastically, voice small and bitter, disgusted with herself. "Real brave. Everybody leaves, Merrill. That's just how life is."

"No, it's not. Why does it bother you so much to think about this?" Merrill set the folder down on the table, eyes curious, not judging. "Why don't you want to consider it?"

Anger, frustration abruptly boiled over, pushing through the pain as she covered her face with her hands, elbows on her knees. Her head was starting to hurt.

"I don't get it, okay? I don't get it! One day I was going to wake up and he'd be GONE. Why does it matter?" Fury was winning at first, but then despair came back, the emotions pushing and pulling at her in her confusion. "Why was I fighting so hard to keep him? Why did I lie? Why the fuck didn't I just tell him the truth?"

"Not everyone leaves, Ellie. It doesn't have to end that way. It doesn't have to end at all." Merrill replied quietly, calmly, reaching over to rest a hand on her knee. "It's all right to hope for yourself, you know. It was wrong to lie to him, but..."

The words stung, dredged up the feelings she'd been holding at bay, that stupid, pathetic part of herself that she'd been avoiding. All of this fucking hiding and guilt, all of these stupid, immature choices. She knew better.

She'd always known better.

"I just wanted him to stay." She admitted at last, in a tiny, pitiful voice, hands growing wet as she curled her fingers in against her forehead. "I just wanted someone to stay, Merrill."

"Oh, Ellie." Merrill sighed, and leaned over to wrap her arms around her. She leaned sideways into the embrace, taking in a long, shuddering breath. "I'm so sorry. I think we need a little help, is that all right?"

"I don't think anyone can help." Her voice was weak, but Merrill didn't mind, so it was okay. "I don't know that there's anything to help."

"We can try, Ellie." Merrill promised her quietly, giving her one last hug and then releasing her. "I'll be right back."

Left alone, unfolding herself as Merrill left the apartment, she forced herself to finish her glass of water, avoiding looking at the pictures. She didn't need to see them any more, they were burned into her brain. Just like the sound of his voice when she'd...

How could any of this be fixed?

 

It was with reluctance that she finished telling the stupid, sad story for the second time. Merrill was right, though, asking for help was the right thing to do. If any of their friends knew if it was safe to try and tell him or not, well...it'd be him.

He knew all about how this kind of crap tended to go.

“Shit.” Bull finally declared, staring down at the photos spread out across the coffee table, scratching at his jaw with one big hand. At least this time they hadn't dragged him out of bed. She hoped. “Man, that is just shit.”

“I thought I was doing the right thing.” She sighed, elbows on her knees, resting her head in her hands. Pain killers hadn't taken care of the headache, at least not yet. “Why does it feel so wrong?”

“Marian's going to be furious...” Merrill finally said, and Ellie pulled up her head to stare at her, “Well, that's Anders all over that statement they put out on the internet, isn't it? You know how close he and Mira are, and I am a bit familiar with what this sort of thing looks like from him.”

She hadn't even considered that, she figured it was just one of her friends from school, or...oh, holy fuck. Anders! Of course he'd been pushing her to do this. Fucking of course. No wonder he'd been acting so damn squirrely.

“I'm...going to kill him.” She decided, and Bull gave a grunt, shaking his head. “I mean, I'm going to kill both of them, but he...he should know better. Doesn't he learn?”

"Getting a bit off topic now, Ellie. You need to tell Solas." Merrill insisted, and she sighed, rubbing her forehead. "You did what she wanted you to do, and now you can tell him, yes?"

"That's a bad idea. It just...I know, I know he has a right to know, but...isn't it dangerous?" She glanced to Bull, hoping for some sort of collusion. 

"Listen. Mira's your sister, yeah, but she did this shit to herself. How long are you going to keep shooting yourself in the foot for her?" Bull asked her, and she shot him a look of utter betrayal. He was supposed to agree with her! He gave a faintly amused grunt at her look, gesturing to the pictures. "Look at it this way, Ellie. Right now, he trusts his aunt. Even if he doesn't believe you, you put that in his head, and it'll stay there. You're giving him a chance to fend for himself."

"And if Mira ends up going to jail because I did?" She asked, pointedly, angrily. "I'm not fucking risking that!"

She settled slightly at his uplifted hands, breathing out heavily, sinking back into the couch again. This was not at all how she'd expected this to go. Merrill reached down from her perch on the arm of the couch, and clasped her shoulder. Gratefully she reached up and rested her own on top.

"All right, listen. Let's for a second pretend that for some reason she set this entire thing up just to break you two up. Apart from being pretty fucking ridiculous, that's a lot of invested time and money, right?" Bull asked, and at her nod, continued. "So, she has a lot tied up in getting Solas back under her heel, for some reason. Now you tell me. Do you think she'd have any hope of getting him back if she sent your sister to jail for telling him?"

"...No, I guess not." She admitted, lifting a hand to rub her forehead. "But...well, there's always spite, or maybe she had another reason that we don't know about?"

"If she does it to be a bitch, you can't control that, Ellie. It happens. As long as this shit is hanging over your heads, it's a possibility. If so, you've got a much better chance of preventing it if he knows." Bull pointed out, and she sighed yet again, closing her eyes. "The situation is fucked. I'm not saying you handled it wrong. You were backed into a corner. I'm not even saying you have to tell him, either. That's up to you."

"I'm too scared." She admitted, and then added quietly, "And I'm afraid of what it means if he does believe me."

"I tell you what. I've got a job for a couple hours here, but around ten I should have an hour or two." Bull offered, and she glanced up warily. "He's working tonight? Okay. So why don't you think about it for a few hours, and if you decide you can stomach it, I'll walk you up there so you can talk to him."

"You really think they'd jump me or something?" She asked dryly, relaxing a little again at the squeeze to her shoulder.

"I think if they're crazy enough to set your fucking sister up like this, we'd better not take any chances." Bull replied, and she breathed out heavily through her nose. "You decide no, that's it. Neither one of us will bring it up again."

He turned his stare to Merrill, who fidgeted for a few moments before letting out a high-pitched sigh.

"All right! It is your decision, Ellie. If you decide not to...I'll try not to say anything." Merrill decided, and then added instantly, "Except I'll probably tell Isabela. Sorry. I can't help it. But I'm sure she won't tell anyone!"

"That's probably as good as you're going to get." Bull decided with a rough chuckle, pushing to his feet. "Send me a message when you decide, Ellie. There's no wrong answer here. Shit like this, you just do your best and hope."

"Do my best and hope, huh?" She muttered under her breath as he slapped her shoulder lightly and headed off, releasing Merrill's hand to rub her face. "That's a better plan than I've had so far, I guess. Fuck."

"Probably can't get worse?" Merrill suggested hopefully, her smile dropping as Ellie peered up at her. "Oh, well, right. Jail. Okay, so it could get much worse. I'm not sure where I was going with that, really. I do think you should tell him, though."

"I'll think about it." She promised, gut tight. Couldn't help thinking about it now that the idea was in her head, honestly. "I've...I'll figure it out. Promise."

"All right then. I've got to head to work, too." Merrill told her, leaning down for a quick shoulder-hug before heading to her room. "Go ahead and message me if you need anything at all. Don't worry about Mira right now. Sort this out first."

"Right..." Ellie agreed, turning her attention to the pictures again, sweeping them back into their folder. "Sort this out."

Honestly, the more she thought about it, the more it didn't seem like there was any other choice. Her own fear, her own stupid problems? They might be crippling, but fear wasn't a good excuse. He deserved to know, didn't he?

Even if he never wanted to see her again, even if...even if he'd hate her when she told him everything, he had a right to know. It was too little, too late, but...she could still give him the truth.

 

When Bull came to get her at ten thirty, she was ready. More or less. She'd thought she'd calmed her mind, she'd gone over what she was going to say, but on the walk there, everything just sort of left her. Not that it mattered, really, anything she prepared would probably be gone. She didn't feel brave, like Merrill said she was, and she didn't feel any clarity of purpose or peace with her choice.

She just felt fucking miserable and terrified, only the thought that he deserved to know kept her going.

Ellie was practically shaking when they got to the diner. Only Dorian was up front, which she was grateful for. She was still hiding behind Bull a bit, but at least she didn't turn and run. Not that she would, she'd decided to do this and she would. It just made her feel...sick. Well, she'd been feeling that way since this afternoon, so it wasn't anything new. Just have to push through it.

"Ellie..." Dorian greeted cautiously as he approached, glancing between her and Bull. "Solas said you were sick, is everything all right?"

"Not really." It was the best she could come up with, barely above a whisper. "I...I need to..."

"Why don't you go sit down, Ellie, take a minute." Bull suggested, offering her the folder. After a moment's indecision she nodded, taking it in both hands. "Dorian, huh? Hi, I'm Bull. Nice to meet ya. Could you do me a favor and let Solas know she's here?"

"I suppose I could. What's going on here, exactly?" Dorian asked, voice trailing off as she paced away to a nearby booth. 

She could hear Bull's reply, at least the sound of his voice if not the substance of it, a comforting background murmur as she settled down. The folder settled onto her lap, her hands fidgeting with it nervously. Merrill was right, she could tell him. The worst that could happen would he him calling her a liar. He didn't have to believe her if he didn't want to. She could still tell him why this all had happened.

She owed it to him. He didn't owe her anything, but she owed him the truth about this whole mess.

Nails picking at the corner of the folder, she stared down at the table, refusing to lift her head. Better not to know when it was coming, after all. It'd be over soon, she just had to get through this. Quickly as possible.

When he approached she could feel it, barely seen out of the corner of her vision. The edge of the folder cut into the pad of her thumb as she fussed with it, and she curled her fingers into her palm, shoulders hunching under the weight of his presence. Solas breathed out, heavily, and her chest tightened.

“What are you doing here, Ellana?” 

She wished he sounded angry, it would have made this all easier. She wished that he was furious, cold, distant. Instead, he only sounded hurt, which was what she had been fighting to avoid all this time. Not just...feelings hurt, but deep down and wounded. She couldn't look at him. 

She couldn't tell him, not even now. Not even when it was what she'd come here for. No, no, she had to. Stop...stop getting like this, just do it. He deserved to know. She did what she had to do, it was all over, but she could still do him a little kindness. The truth.

"You obviously came here for a reason. I...please talk to me, Ellana." He sounded as tired and broken as she felt, which only made it all the worse. "Please, say something."

"I..." The lone word escaped, little more than a croak, and tears almost flooded out with it. She never should have had that damn water, it was all trying to come back out.

Giving up, she lifted a shaking hand out of her lap and silently threw the folder down, one of the pictures slipping out as it slid across the table. For just a second she saw one of his hands as he reached for it, before she averted her gaze. She returned her hands to her lap, twisting them together to try and stop the trembling, ignoring the throb of the papercut.

Vaguely across the room, she could hear Bull talking to Dorian, because it was the only sound for a few seconds, apart from the distant sound of cars outside. Finally Solas exhaled, heavily, and she heard him flip through the photographs. When he sat down, abruptly and heavily across the table from her, she flinched, a few betraying tears escaping as she tried to blink them back.

"I can't...I can't let her go to jail. She...the protest in Ostwick, she..." Heartbroken, the whisper was an apology, and she inhaled in a shudder and forced herself to finish it. "I'm sorry. I had to make a choice, if I didn't break up with you, she was going to...I...I...had to make a choice."

"How could he do this? What possible..." The shocked whisper abruptly went hard, as he continued in that voice that she hated so much, cold and steely. "Of course. Yet again. I would not be surprised if the protest itself was his doing, for some convoluted purpose beyond trying to manipulate me...and you, it seems. How dare he do this?"

A small, bitter laugh escaped her, and she finally lifted a hand to try and wipe her face, ignoring the shaking this time. Of course he didn't think it was his aunt. The idea hadn't even crossed his mind.

"Your apartment. I should have known. What else has he...?" When he turned the question on her, she couldn't help but flinch, and he gentled his voice, just a little. "I need to know what my uncle has been doing. Please tell me, this...this blackmail cannot have been the start of it. Why haven't you told me?" 

"You wouldn't believe me." She replied flatly, voice barely above a whisper. "Merrill says I should tell you, even if you won't believe me, because it's the truth."

"Why would you think I wouldn't believe you?" He sounded baffled, and even more hurt than before. "Why would you possibly think, after everything we've been through, that I would abandon you for my uncle? Is there something you're not telling me?"

Not for his uncle, no, but...

She twisted her hands together again, welcoming the stab of pain as her thumb dug into her palm.

“Tell me, Ellana!” He insisted, pleading with her, voice breaking over her name.

The little stab in her chest practically tore a sob from her, and she lifted a hand to try and stifle it, flinching away as he reached across the table towards her. As she pulled back, he withdrew.

“Ellana...” He sounded gentler, which wasn't what she wanted, she wanted him to go away. “Please...we cannot fix this if you won't speak to me. Please tell me what has been happening, why you haven't told me...don't you trust me?”

“I didn't...I didn't want...” She managed to get out, voice rough, broken from all her crying. “I didn't want to let them win...I didn't want you to leave me, but they won anyway...didn't they?”

“No. We will find a way. I promise you, I will not let your sister go to jail.” He insisted, and she shook her head violently. “Please...I will not let my uncle get away with this. I promise you.”

“It's not...it's not, and you won't believe me, but it's...” A sudden burst of stubbornness came back and forced the pain aside, stiffening her spine. This part was important. She had to at least let him know who was dangerous. “It's not your uncle. None of this has been, and you wouldn't believe me, and if you did believe me, you would have left me, and...how? How could I try to make you...I didn't want to make you choose, because...I wouldn't be your choice.”

“Of course you would be. Why would you say that? I don't...understand.” He finally responded, voice more than hurt now, which she regretted. The guilt, confusion, and even the denial she knew had to be there. “That simply doesn't make sense. Of course it's him. Who else could it be?”

It was all so stupid. Would he even believe her that she'd kept the check because she wanted proof, and not because she wanted the money? She didn't know. Maybe he'd just call her a money-grubbing asshole, and...

The check was heavy in her pocket, still crumpled into a ball and slightly sticky from the soda that'd spilled over it. She picked it out, but when she lifted it up she couldn't look at him, silently extending her hand across the table. Her head bowed forward, hair tumbling over her face as she tried to hide. For once the darkness did nothing to help. She felt him pick it up out of her palm, and she withdrew quickly, turning away, wrapping her arms around herself.

The quiet rustle of paper as he unfolded it was loud, but quieter than the harsh intake of breath, and then the shuddering exhale.

“...At least she tried to buy me off, first? Please...believe me. I swear it's not from...the date. The date is from before the break in.” Her voice was a little, sad croak, and she swallowed away more tears. “I know she's all you have, but please, you have to believe me. I'm not lying. Before...before the stuff with my apartment, she tried to buy me off. I swear.”

"She tried to buy you off?" The disgust in his voice made her feel just a little better, just a touch of hope. "That is what this was?"

"She said...she said I was...ruining your future." It hurt to sound so pathetic, but she couldn't help it. This was all so much more than she'd ever had to deal with before, and that tiny hint of hope made it all the worse. "Please, please believe me, Solas...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, just please believe me. I swear I'm not lying. I don't have any reason to lie, not now, I swear..."

This was what she'd been running from her whole life. This stupid pain, the vulnerability. Begging him like an idiot to believe her because she just didn't trust him enough to think that he would. But if there was even a chance, a chance he'd believe her now, then she'd beg however she had to. His answer came so quickly that she felt all the more ashamed.

“Vhenan, of course I believe you...She did this? I cannot even...How could she do this?” The betrayal in his voice would have been easier to bear if she'd known what it was for. “All of this...Mythal has been the one tormenting you?”

He had been betrayed by a lot of people, it seemed. Even her. The thought just made all the hurt a little worse, dig a little deeper. She'd hurt him and here he was, still calling her his heart. And all she had was flimsy little excuses for what she'd done to him. For her lies.

“She's all you have.” She repeated, weakly, clinging to it to try and make this all somehow sound right, make her sound justified even if she wasn't. “I stood there and watched you ignore how...how awful she was to her kids. You let her stomp all over me, you practically were trying to force us together...you were blind to her. And I'm...I'm nothing. Why would you choose me?”

“You thought...I would choose her over you? If you told me what she'd been doing...” He finally replied, quiet and broken. “You should have told me. Why couldn't you trust me? Did I really make it so difficult for you to trust me?”

“I do!” It sounded stupid, even to her, but none of this was logical. Merrill had made a point that she couldn't get out of her head, because she knew it was true. It was stupid, literally the worst reason ever, but...it was true. “I do trust you, I just...I was so scared. I didn't know how to make you stay, and I wanted you to stay, and I've never wanted that before...”

“I know. I know how difficult this all was for you, I do...but if you could have only made the attempt before it came to this.” He sounded hurt again, tired as she felt, and sad. “I'm so sorry that she did this. I am so sorry that you were caught up in this.”

“It doesn't matter. It's...it's over now. They won.” The last word was a sob, but she couldn't help it, her stupid heart was being torn in half. This wasn't fair. “I should go. I can't...I'm sorry, I can't sacrifice my sister's future. I can't do that to her.”

“Do you really think I would let her get away with this? Knowing that all this time she was manipulating me?” Angry, now he was angry, but he gentled his voice when she flinched at the ice in his tone. “Please...vhenan, we can find a way to fix this. I will find a way. I promise you, I will handle this, this is my fault. Your sister will not pay for my family's...machinations.”

There wasn't enough guilt to go around, apparently, because they both had to sit here and blame themselves. He was the last person who should be blamed for any of this, and yet here he was. A small, bitter laugh escaped her lips, and then she inhaled in a shudder, wiping both hands down her face. 

“It's my fault. It's your fault. Are we just going to sit here and say that over and over?” She'd exhausted herself, and calm was creeping in at the edges, letting the fog in her head clear, just a little. “And it's Mira's fault. And...”

“It's Mythal's fault.” His voice got a little cold again, but then he sighed out, a long, slow shudder. “How could she do this to you? To me?”

“She told me...she was doing what was best for you.” She admitted, and he gave a small sound of disgust, a groan through gritted teeth. “That...it was a better future for you. That we'd be living in poverty, that we couldn't survive like that.”

“How could you hold on through this alone? I am so sorry...” He sighed, and she tightened her arms around herself. “I should have been standing next to you. Why? Why did you let yourself...?”

“I already told you. I couldn't lose you.” She replied quietly, exhausted. She'd already admitted a whole lot of things she'd been holding back, what was one more? "I..."

Finally she lifted her head, forcing herself to meet his gaze, dark and tormented. It took a lot more courage to face him than it did to actually say it, and after a few seconds her eyes had to leave his. So much hurt there, so much sadness and betrayal, and...she'd actually wanted to never tell him, to leave him to suffer alone.

Hopefully he'd forgive her for saying this to the table, and not to him. It was the best she could do.

"I...everybody leaves, Solas. Everybody. That's how life is. Nothing's...nothing's ever stayed, you know? It's always been my fault. My dad, Mac, I mean..." She could see him in the reflection of the window when her gaze shifted aside, and she quickly dropped it again, swallowing heavily. "It's always my fault, or at least feels like it. Maybe...I make it my fault now on purpose, because at least then I can...control something. I don't know, I...I'm not a therapist."

She breathed in, loud, on the edge of hyperventilating. Rather than give in to it, she took a few slower breaths, nails digging into her thighs before she forced herself to stop.

"I was losing you and I...I could feel it all getting pulled out of my grip but I didn't want to...I didn't want to let go." She could feel her nerves crawling, lungs fighting the intake of breath, but she pushed through it, hands twisting around each other under the table. "I...I wanted you to stay. I j-just wanted you to stay. Because...because..."

The words, when they escaped at last, were quiet, but they lingered, more enduring than she had ever expected. Somehow they'd found their way into a place she didn't know existed, and refused to leave.

It wasn't right, though, to say it as if it were her revelation, because it wasn't. He'd already told her a thousand times.

She just wasn't listening.

 

“...I love you too, Solas.” 

 

It wasn't hard to say, that was the terrifying part, it hurt like a bandaid hurt, ripped off quickly. She'd been so afraid of the words, never even letting them pass his lips, let alone hers. Once it was out, though, it was gone, and she had no way to take it back. There was silence, but it didn't make her afraid. Hopefully he wasn't hurt that she'd never let him say it, hopefully he wasn't angry now, but...

Before her thoughts could get too twisted up in themselves, he surged to his feet, and then within seconds his arms were around her. Safe, warm, he clutched her to his chest, and then she finally let out the tears that were all she had left in her. Everything that was hiding behind those words she didn't want to say just washed over her, and she was shaking, trembling, wrapped up in the embrace.

For a few seconds he clutched her tightly, until she couldn't breathe, and somehow she slid off the bench onto the floor, slumping against him, knees braced between his thighs. He was holding onto her desperately while she cried, as if terrified she was going to escape. She made the slightest sound of protest after another shuddering sob, and he relaxed his grip just slightly, hand lifting to cradle the back of her head.

“I love you, Ellana.” He murmured, as if he'd already forgotten all of the pain, as if just saying the words was dragging a weight away from his shoulders. “Vhenan, my love...please. Take it all back, I need you to...we can fix this together.”

“I don't know how...I don't know how to make this work...I don't know if we can.” She confessed, and she could tell from the noise of frustration he made that he felt the same. “It...it can go so wrong, so fast...like we're standing on the edge of a cliff and I don't know how...to keep Mira from paying the price, but I can't. I have to protect her.”

“It didn't work. It...hasn't worked.” He insisted, and she gave a laugh that was more tears than anything else, because it was true. He was right. “The only time any of this has worked for us was when we stood together. I love you, we can find a way.”

Normally she would duck away, push him off, but she'd kept him from saying it for so long, and even despite all the pain he sounded so happy to say it. She didn't want to send him away. She didn't want to let them win, but what else could she do? Maybe for now, for now all she had to do was let it go, stop holding onto it alone. He was right. Things went so much better when they stood together.

“I'm not...I don't know how, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you.” She apologized tearfully, and his arms tightened around her again, swaying her from side to side as she cried against him. She was, and oddly, protectively angry. “I'm so sorry she did this to you...it fucking broke my heart. How...could she do this to you?”

“Never mind it. She made her choice.” His hand slid down her hair soothingly as she collapsed against him, the last little sob shuddering her, leaving her spent and drained. “Shhh, my love. You've been carrying this alone too long.”

Relief, she was relieved, just a little, but...a hand clutched at his back, twisting in his shirt, and he stroked her hair again. She forced her face up, making herself face him, and he immediately lifted a hand to wipe her cheeks. 

“Can you forgive me?” She asked weakly, and saw his expression soften. It roused a few more tears, her stupid, aching, scratchy eyes watering.

At least she wasn't crying alone. She lifted a hand to stroke her thumb across his cheek, wiping them away, and he pressed a kiss into her palm.

“I forgive you. I am...still quite hurt and things aren't completely all right, but I love you, and there will be time for us to sort through it later. Once this crisis is dealt with.” He agreed, and then gave a heavy sigh, freeing his hands to dry his face properly. “I cannot even begin...I will have to go speak with her tonight.”

It didn't escape her notice that he kept using the 'L' word, over and over, but the last thing she could do was resent him for it now. She'd kept it away for so long, how could she deny him it? And, she could admit it helped a tiny bit, reassured her. Not even that could make everything better, however. She could accept that. Sometimes things weren't okay, and this was a big not okay, he was right. She'd really screwed up.

"But what if she..." It twisted in her gut, that fear, but for some reason it wasn't as painful as it should have been. It hurt less than lying to him had. Maybe because none of this was her fault this time, not directly. "I guess I couldn't stop her even if I wanted to. Even if she did set up the protest for some weird twisty reason, Mira still went there by her own choice."

"We will find a way, but facing her is something I have to do tonight. This is...what she has done..." He seemed to lose his words for a moment, and she reached for his hand, fingers curling against his wrist. Blinking, he glanced down to her again. "I will do everything I can to stop her from hurting your sister. Will you trust me?"

“I'm going to have to, because I'm really bad at breaking up with you.” She murmured ruefully, and he laughed quietly, leaning down.

They were both tense, they were going to be, but the kiss was a promise, soft and slow. A promise that they'd find a way through this, mistakes and all. When he pulled back, his lips trailed slowly up to her temple, leaving kisses behind as his arms tugged her in against him. 

“I am very grateful for that.” He replied firmly, though barely a murmur against her skin. “You are mine, and I am yours, and even if nothing else remains the way I thought it was, my love...tell me that you will not let them take that away from us.”

“I'm so sorry.” She sighed, burrowing in as he murmured reassurance against her temple. “I...I tried to make it fast, easy. I was sick the whole time. I threw up afterwards.”

"Let's...not discuss it." He suggested, breath spilling across her skin. He sounded unsettled, almost disturbed. "I promised once never to speak to you from a place of anger, and I need you to promise that you will never speak to me like that again, please."

"I...don't know what..." At first she was confused, until she remembered the phone conversation she'd already been working to bury. That flippant, dismissive voice, brushing all his feelings aside. "Never again. I promise. I'm sorry."

"That phone call was...what I'd been fearing all this time. I thought I'd finally moved past it, but..." He admitted, voice softening at her wince, a hand lifting to smooth over her hair. "I understand now, but that doesn't mean I haven't been hurt by it. Once I have dealt with Mythal, then we can sort through the rest of it."

"What are you going to do?" She asked quietly, leaning in as her hair slipped from his fingers, and he trailed his knuckles down her jaw. "Or are you not sure yet?"

"Most of it depends on her. I will do what I can for Mira." He pulled away, and she sat back on her heels, head tilting curiously. "I know at this point this is the last thing you will believe, but...this isn't like her. Something must be wrong. I think I can get her to give this up, and I promise you, I am cutting ties, but I need...I need to hear why for myself."

The momentary betrayal slipped out past her defenses before she pushed it away, reminding herself she had no right. He loved his aunt. She didn't have to make it a contest between them, he'd chosen already, he'd trusted her when she told him the truth. She could trust him, she had to try now. If he said he was done with it, he was, but still...

"I believe you. I believe in you, Ellana, I promise. Just because this seems wrong to me doesn't mean I don't think she's capable of it. I know she is." He reached for her hands, and she let him take them, warm and secure. "No matter her reasoning, I don't know if I can ever forgive her, and I won't be making the attempt tonight."

"Okay. And I guess I'll...deal with my sister." She decided, wearily, already dreading that confrontation. "If this happens, you know, there's no way she'll ever get her Vallaslin. Even if she doesn't end up in jail. And...I don't know what that would mean for me. I'm worried about her, of course, but...this is bigger than just the consequences for her."

"You're still First, of course. Well, all the more reason to get this dealt with quickly." He began to rise, and she let him pull her up, and then into his arms again. "One way or another, it will be dealt with as best I can tonight, I promise you that."

"Shit, I still have to work that overnight." She groaned into his chest, and felt him chuckle slightly. "You'll know where to find me, at least."

"You'll have to hurry home if you want to make it in time. I'll come by as soon as I've finished speaking with her." Reluctantly he pulled back from her, and she offered a reassuring smile, meeting his eyes. "This will all be over soon. I love you, Ellana."

"I...love you, too." She admitted, even if she had to break eye contact to say it. "I'm sorry I didn't let you..."

"Don't be sorry for that. You weren't ready. I'm not the most patient man alive, I know, especially when my feelings get in the way." His voice was still a little tired, but when she sighed it firmed up, with that calm confidence she knew so well. "Vhenan. Whatever happens, we can handle this."

"Okay." She agreed, nodding and lifting her gaze to meet his again. For once meeting his eyes didn't make her flinch, letting herself take the support without pulling away. "You and me, together. I guess when I said I'd kick all the asses for you, I just didn't expect one of them to be my sister's."

"Together." He agreed, squeezing her hands. "I can't say this is how I expected things to go, either. But, to steal one of your phrases, 'it is what it is'. We simply have to handle it."

"Right." She agreed, nodding, setting her jaw. "We've got this."

They probably could have dragged on forever, but she finally freed her hands from his and stepped back. He did the same, their eyes still holding for a few moments. Now that she'd sorted through her own guilt and fear, she could see the pain and worry coming back, and her anger rose again, furious and protective.

"You're not alone either. So...no matter what happens tonight, just remember that, okay?" The ferocity of her voice seemed to surprise him, but he relaxed quickly as she continued. "I... I screwed up. Big time. But I'm not going to make the same mistake twice. As long as you'll have me, I'm here."

The promise made him smile at last, and he lifted his chin as well, expression calming, losing the edge of hurt. Maybe not gone, but put aside for now, like hers. They could work on it together, later. She'd always loved his smile, but it'd never made her feel like crying before.

"I will remember. Whatever happens tonight, I will remember that." He assured softly, and she nodded her head. His hand lifted, gently tucked a strand of hair back behind her ear, grazing her cheek. "You'd best get going."

"Right." She agreed, rolling her shoulders back and letting out a breath. "I'll go home and turn on my phone right away. I'll...be waiting for you."

Before they could keep delaying it, she nodded once and reached for his hand as it left her cheek, giving it one last squeeze. Their fingers lingered as she stepped back and turned away, the warmth finally leaving her as her arm dropped back down to her side. As she headed for Bull and the door, she closed her eyes briefly, breathing in.

It'd seemed all over before, but now, now she had to trust him, and hope.

She was pretty new to that last part, but she was going to give it her best fucking shot. If he could forgive her for her monumental screw up and bad choices, she'd damn well move mountains of her emotional baggage and put her faith in him. She might not get another chance, and she wouldn't screw this one up.

Pushing open the door, she paused and glanced over his shoulder, unsurprised to find him still watching her. They shared a smile, a bit strained but genuine all the same, and he nodded his head. She returned it, and then lifted her chin and turned to head back out.

They could do this.

 

 

 

 

is seemed to be the day that would not end.

The afternoon had been traumatic enough, devastating in a way Solas had never expected. Oh, the fear had always been there, in the back of his mind. One day she'd be frightened off, one day things would go wrong. That he'd somehow chase her away, despite all the progress they'd made together. He had just never expected it to be so cold, so sudden. It had broken him, cut more deeply than he could have anticipated. The day had gone by mechanically, distant and steeped in unreality that had shattered when she had come to give him the truth.

That phone call still hurt, a wound that didn't disappear even despite his understanding it now. They would deal with it together, later. 

Right now he had to protect her.

It felt like something of a betrayal that he couldn't believe Mythal would do this without a real reason. A large part of him simply wanted to defend Ellana, attack the source of her misery, but another, still loyal part reminded him of everything his aunt had done for him. Everything she had suffered, everything she had gone through, only to be disappointed again and again by her children. He could understand her without forgiving her. After how much pain she had put Ellana, both of them through, he doubted it was possible. Any time his mind started making excuses, he would remember her face again, so fragile and wounded, terrified that he would never believe her.

Anyone who would do that to the woman he loved was not someone he was capable of forgiving.

He'd started worrying about her the instant she left the diner, and it was staying with him enough that he was reflexively checking his phone at every red light. Perhaps it was to distract his own mind as much as it was to reassure himself that she was all right. This was not going to be a pleasant conversation. At all.

His phone rang when he was waiting for the gate, stomach heavy, and he answered it without looking.

"Marian gave Anders a black eye." She abruptly declared in his ear, the humor weary and thin, but there all the same. The sound of her voice made everything just a little lighter. "I wish I could say he didn't deserve it. He did. I have to call Mira now. I think I might be sick again, though."

"I know it's difficult, my love." He replied, the reassurance of being able to say the word to her, hearing her voice doing a great deal to settle his own nerves. "I know you want nothing more than to protect her, but this is far too important. You cannot shield her from it."

"If she fucks this up any further, I'm taking her college fund and buying a pony." Ellana retorted sourly, sounding just a little more like herself. "Or taking us on some stupid, overpriced vacation. How do you feel about Rivain?"

"Certainly more well-disposed to it than I would be to a pony." He admitted, smiling at her brief, tired laugh. The drive ahead was dark, but he knew all too well that no one but his uncles would be asleep. "Be sensible, where would we keep it?"

"Bath tub. It would be a very small pony." Any humor in her voice disappeared, and she gave a long, slow sigh in his ear. "You never let me get livestock."

"If this is about the goat, my reasoning was sound. They are only cute when small, you do not want a fully grown goat in your apartment." Parking, he leaned back in his seat after turning the key in the ignition, feeling the brief relaxation in his own voice fading a little. "We will get through this. You make your phone call, I will have my talk, and then I will come to join you and we can spend the rest of the night arguing the merits of tiny farm animals and making ourselves sick on ice cream."

"You sure you want to stay up with me all night? It's going to be awfully busy. I might get a dozen whole customers."

"You're likely to have some difficulty getting away for me without demanding it for some time." He admitted, a little wryly. Being separated at the moment was already hard enough, when all he wanted was the reassurance of being near her. "Though I cannot promise I won't fall asleep. One of the perils of being old."

"You're not old, don't be a pain." She sounded so disgusted with him that he chuckled, despite the discomfort and nerves. "I don't...I don't know how I'm going to make any of this up to you."

The forlorn note in her words made him sigh, and he stared out into the darkness for a few moments, turning his keys over in his hand. He was trying not to think of that part of things, not now, when he had other worries that laid heavier on his mind.

"The only thing you have to make up for, my love, is not telling me." He finally replied, keeping his voice calm and quiet. Not only to reassure her, it was doing a great deal to settle his mind as well. The pretense of calm could be helpful, especially when he was using it to soothe her. "And you can do that by never hiding something like this from me again. I understand that you were afraid. I understand why, and how it came to this, but you made a promise to me. Remember?"

"You and me together." She murmured ruefully, and then gave a long, cascading sigh. "I remember. I just never thought it would get so...big."

"Nor did I, vhenan, but we need to stop stalling now." He smiled faintly at her small laugh, quiet and warm in his ear. "I love you. I know you may get tired of hearing that, but..."

He could hardly stop himself from saying it now. The last thing he had ever expected was for her to feel it so soon, even when his heart had been hers nearly from the start. It made this all the more fragile, in a way, that ever-present fear that he would frighten her away...no. He couldn't dwell on that part, he promised her they would handle it later.

Now he had to deal with his aunt.

"No, I...I decided I wouldn't freak out about it. I know it means a lot to you, words, I mean." She murmured, with a hint of nervous shyness, that bit of private vulnerability he only ever heard in their quieter moments. "And I wouldn't let you say it before, so...just do that thing where you make me get used to it."

"I will do my best." He promised, and they both fell into silence.

It stretched, heavy in the darkness as he stared out through the windshield, until she finally sighed. 

"I'll see you soon. You've got this." She promised, and then the line finally went dead. 

Reluctantly, he hung up his phone as well and slid it into a pocket, pushing open the door and exiting the car. The night air was cold enough to sting the nose as he breathed in, almost a warning of snow. He doubted it would, but it was a nice thought. He'd never been partial to it before, but now he could see the charm. She'd shown him a great many things in a very short amount of time, in her scattered, encompassing way. It was staggering how much everything had changed in only a month.

The thought distracted his unsteady mind enough that the walk to the front door roused no further dread.

A brief flare of light from the left of the door made him pause, warily, the air carrying the scent of smoke. For a moment his steps faltered, but no. It wasn't Dirthamen, and only one other person in the house smoked.

"Evening, Sylaise." He greeted his cousin as he approached, eyes adjusting to the darkness enough to finally pick her out, the pink twinset and bleached hair bright enough. 

He could see her flinch, instinctively hide the cigarette, and then relax as she recognized him. She inhaled again, and the glow reflected in her eyes, lighting them up in the darkness. 

"Oh, it's just you. Really wasn't in the mood for another lecture about cigarettes and wrinkles." Sylaise replied dryly, a far cry from the usual chirpy facade. "Finally succumb to the summonses, Fen?"

"You know it's past Elgar'nan's bedtime." He replied, and she laughed sardonically, short and sharp. "Your mother's still awake, I take it?"

"Does evil sleep?" Sylaise retorted, ashing her cigarette with a thumb, a quick, nervous flick. "I expect she is. If I were you, though, I'd stay away. You've been doing so well, too."

"I'm afraid it can't be avoided this time. She's..." He began, and then shook his head and stopped. He didn't need to be talking about it now. "You likely won't see me again after tonight."

"Well, good. It's about time. Get gone, stay gone. You seem to be having trouble with the last part." She sighed, resting her elbow on the opposite hand, gaze narrowing at him. "I'm serious, Fen. You're probably the only one who's going to make it out."

"Weren't you the woman who told me what an idiot I was being for going against them and quitting law school?" He pointed out, both amused and concerned by the change in viewpoint. "Everything all right?"

"The last thing you need to be worrying about is me." Sylaise retorted, after exhaling smoke in a snort. "Or any of my damn siblings. I had the luck to marry out of being second-class, you've got no hope, Fen."

Even now, she didn't really understand what it was all about. For her it always had been, and would always be proving that she belonged. Doing what was expected of her, and hating every second of it. But that was Sylaise. 

He wondered if she'd ever even really known what she wanted out of life, he couldn't seem to recall that she ever had. Unlike her sisters, she'd always been content to be under Mythal's thumb. She cared, at the very least, somewhere underneath the bitterness and protective superficiality. 

They'd been friends once, when he was small, and she'd had hope. 

"Say hello to your husband for me." He finally replied, smiling wryly at her snort and the dismissive wave of her hand. 

He hadn't really expected anything different. A brief, but welcome distraction, any relaxation he felt from the short conversation faded as he opened the door and stepped into the entry. A house built to loom, but at last he no longer felt cowed by it...or even lured by the comfort it offered.

The future was starting to take on a shape he preferred by far, and it had nothing to do with the money that would be spent to acquire it. He'd be perfectly content, even if came with the cracked ceiling, uncomfortable mattress, and lack of hot water.

As long as Ellana was there.

The entry was lit, but the hall beyond was not, stretching long and dark, with a light at the end around a corner. It cast a rectangle across the wall, stretching high, beckoning him forward as he approached. Of course she was in her office. She always was. The heavy door creaked open under his hand, revealing the large, imposing room. The desk at the head of it was unoccupied, his aunt standing at the bar, phone in hand.

When he stepped in, she turned to look at him, their eyes meeting. It was only a moment, but for a second it stretched on to eternity as she read his eyes, his face, and he saw surprise fade to resignation.

"Oh." She remarked dryly, giving a small sigh as she turned away, shaking her head. "Well, it was worth a shot. Drink, my dear?"

Why was he surprised? He certainly shouldn't have been. Some part of him was relieved that she didn't try to lie, it would make it all easier.

"That...that is all you have to say on the matter? Worth a...do you know what you put Ellana through?" Time-honed instincts were ordering him to step down, listen to her tone of voice. She was dismissing it, it couldn't possibly be important, but...no. No, he wouldn't. "I cannot believe you would be so cruel."

"Stop being so dramatic." Mythal retorted, unscrewing the bottle of gin and tipping it into her glass, voice weary. "I really thought you were more sensible than this. You used to be so even-tempered."

"I used to be a bully and an insufferable, self-righteous prat." He replied mildly, crossing his arms over his chest. "Me being easier to control was not me being a better person. I want those photographs gone, Mythal."

"Really, you want me to cover up a crime to protect your girlfriend's family? Solas, I thought you were above this all." Mythal replied, and then laughed slightly as his expression darkened. "Oh, calm down, I'm teasing you."

He watched as she dropped ice cubes into her drink, mind puzzling over this all. It really wasn't like her. Well, that wasn't quite true, he knew she was fully capable of acting like this. It wasn't how she treated him. He'd always been on her side, and he'd thought she was on his.

"Are you in some sort of trouble?" He finally asked her, and then sighed at the sarcastic laugh that garnered him. "What aren't you telling me?"

"I did what I could to try and save this family from ruin, you know. I have absolutely no idea where it all went wrong. Why my children are useless, why you've abandoned me..." 

"Now who is being dramatic?" He asked, and she laughed yet again under her breath, dry and tired. "Are you having issues with Elgar'nan? With the board?"

She gestured vaguely at the last part, and then shook her head again, skewering an olive and dropping it into her drink. She left the bottle open on the bar, turning away from it.

"It will be all right, Solas. Sometimes I just wonder why I ever made this deal. This marriage. This life." When she gestured expressively, one hand sweeping across the room, she met his gaze and smiled. "I've earned the right to be a little dramatic. Look at me. Your father would be absolutely ashamed of me."

"He would have understood. It's not too late, you know." He replied calmly, feeling not for the first time like a buoy being pushed around by a hidden current.

So many things shifting underneath the surface, it was any wonder anyone stayed afloat.

"It's far too late for me, my dear. And your father would be furious with me for how I've treated you." Mythal countered unapologetically, lifting her drink for a long, slow sip. "You're far too much like him, you know. He always was the good one between the two of us."

"It's not too late for everything, you know." It galled him to say it, but he had to say something. And maybe Ellana was right. Maybe he was too hard on his cousins. "Tighten the belt, make them work for once in their lives. If Falon'din wants so desperately to have some responsibility, why not let him try?"

"My son is an idiot and a thug. He couldn't keep a goldfish alive, let alone a company." She retorted icily, and he tried to hide a wince. "I love him. Of course I love him, I'm his mother, Solas, but I am not a fool. If only Dirthamen had an ounce of ambition in his body...but at least he's useful."

"Well, we've established that you won't tell me what this is really about, and you side-stepped the reason that I'm here." Forcing himself to get back on track, he lifted a hand to his forehead, trying to massage away the beginnings of a headache. "But I must insist. Please. Get rid of the pictures. Please, leave Ellana alone. We want to be left in peace."

"You really want this, to turn your back on me now?" She turned to face him, golden eyes frank, searching, and raggedly weary. "I've told you before, and I'll tell you again. If you make this choice there is no coming back. After everything I have done for you, if you choose to walk away now..."

"You had your son break into the apartment of the woman I love and vandalize her home. You destroyed the artwork she pours her heart and soul into. You set up her sister in some bizarre scheme, threatened to destroy her future." He hadn't been truly furious before, just frustrated, but simply reciting the list of her sins brought back the righteous anger to the fore. "You attempted to destroy my happiness, and hers, and you have the audacity to stand here and tell me that I have turned my back on you?"

He was coming close to shouting, but he was agitated, a hand thrown up to the ceiling barely a fraction of the frustration seething inside him. How could she?

"I'll be honest with you, Solas, I'm extremely disappointed in you. I needed you to make this work." Mythal sighed, and at his darkening glare, rolled her eyes. Her continued dismissal wasn't making this any easier. "Well, it's true. I've worked extremely hard for this, for all of this, and I promised your uncle I would get you back into line. It would have worked out so well for everyone if you'd just been less stubborn."

A frozen pause at her words, all of his anger hardening, condensing into something small and heavy. Sickening.

"You promised me years ago that you'd never intended to let him use me. That my work would stand on its own merits." He pointed out, feeling his stomach clench with sudden nausea. Had she been lying to him all this time? "You promised me that it was always my choice, that my accomplishments would be my own. That if I worked hard enough, if I earned the grades, entered the appropriate program..."

"Oh, Solas...my dear boy. It was not going to be you taking over anything. At least not in name." Mythal interrupted, turning away, lifting her glass with a rattle of the ice cubes. "It was never going to be you. You should know by now that your uncle would have never given you anything, the stubborn asshole."

"And so, what, if I had...done everything he wanted, everything you wanted..." His mind raced to catch up, wondering why this of all things felt like a betrayal. He'd abandoned it all years ago. "I would be expected to do what, all of the work while..."

"Falon'din is his son, my dear, his first born. Something you would never be. It's a shame he turned out to be a dud, but there's some things no amount of hard work can fix." Mythal laughed, a small, bitter sound. "Trust me, I know that one all too well. You still would have had a good life. What does it matter whose name was on the paperwork if you still have the money, the career?"

"Why are you telling me this now? What about any of this justifies what you've done? Telling me that I was meant to be a tool to prop up my incompetent cousin? Why tell me now?" Frustration made his voice sharp, but he made no move to calm it, pacing towards her desk restlessly. "All this is doing is making me more certain than ever that I am making the right choice! Please stop and be honest with me, for once!"

He slammed both hands down on the surface of the desk, and Mythal glanced sidelong at him, lips pursing tightly for a moment. It struck him, through the anger, how old she looked, worn around the eyes, skin around her mouth wrinkling with that expression of disapproval. Old, yes, and exhausted.  
"If you're determined to abandon me, the least I can do is give you that bit of truth. I've made my choices." Mythal finally replied, expression going calm again. "Done my best to push things along in the best path I could see. I don't want this for you, Solas. I don't want any of my children to struggle."  
"I'll be a better man for it. A happier man. I don't need..." He gestured expansively, indicating not only the room, but everything beyond it. If he was shedding himself of his guilt, he may as well throw away all of it. "Any of this, Mythal, I never did. On Monday I'll see my lawyer and have the condo turned back over to you."  
"Sell it. You could use the money." She replied sardonically, hiding the brief hint of hurt in her eyes with a turn back to the wet bar to freshen her drink.  
"No, thank you. I'm doing fine, actually." He replied, a bit more confidently, ignoring the stab of sympathy. "As a matter of fact...I'm doing excellently. I have everything I need."  
"For now." She replied faintly, and then shook her head at his hard look. "Oh calm down, that wasn't a threat. But life...is not always kind. I gave you the best life I could."  
"It wasn't what I wanted. Please. Leave Ellana and her sister alone." The anger faded again, though he never had the strength to hold onto it for long. Especially not now, when he was so exhausted from today, from all of this. "Even if you drove her away, which you haven't, I wouldn't come back."  
"Where did I go wrong?"  
The question hung in the air, almost plaintive, but with the arrogance behind it to keep it from being weak. He felt sympathy again, but it couldn't stop him as he stepped back, shaking his head.  
"I don't know..." He replied, and then finished quietly, "But you did."  
There was no answer, and he expected none, turning on his heel and heading out of the office. It dragged at him, trying to pull him back, but he fixed his eyes ahead and kept moving. Sometimes it wasn't so easy, that was all. Sometimes it wasn't a big, grandiose statement, but one foot in front of the other. Choosing not to stop moving forward.  
He'd been letting himself get dragged back for far too long.  
He paused only briefly, when he heard the office door behind him being closed, loud in the quiet. The light behind him faded, and then was closed off altogether. Only the brightness of the entry ahead lit the way, windows muffled.

"Hey, fucker." The slur came out of the darkness.

It was what he'd been dreading, honestly. Dirthamen was the last person he'd wanted to talk to tonight, even less than his uncle. Sighing, he gestured as he turned down the hall, and his cousin pushed off the wall to slump after him.

"I'm sorry. I don't care for him, but I didn't enjoy hearing her talk about him like that, either. You know that." He offered aside quietly, but without much hope. If Dirthamen had decided to take offense, he would. "Did you hear everything?"

"Don't try to kiss my ass." The response was tired as ever, drawn out and slow with a smoker's rasp. "It's nothing new. I hear everything, you should know that."

Solas sighed faintly as they turned up the hall together, heading towards the entry. The house was quiet, but as always, that didn't mean no one was listening. 

"You're right, I don't know why I bothered trying to be pleasant, you wouldn't believe me anyways." His words finally received a small nod of acknowledgment, and he paused to turn and face Dirthamen. "Fine. What do you want?"

"I want you to fuck off and never come back." Dirthamen replied, shrugging slumped shoulders as he crossed his arms, eyes rolling aside. "That's what I want, Solas."

The use of his name gave him pause, and he fixed his cousin with a steadier stare, the sullen face lit by the entry lights. It made him look even more corpse-like than usual, dark circles under his eyes, angles heavily shadowed. Still, his eyes were different than he remembered, warier, harder. It made him all too aware that despite everything, his cousins were grown men the same as him. It seemed odd to think that they'd gotten older, and nothing between them had changed.

"That is what I had fully intended to do..." He began cautiously, taking a half step back. "I'm severing every last tie I have, I don't know what else I can do."

"The pictures are gone. As long as you stay gone, they'll stay gone." Dirthamen abruptly declared, the slight sneer on his lips unabated. This wasn't a kindness, he knew his cousin too well. "All in the systems, which means it's mine. So you've got no reason to hang around, do you?"

"No, I do not." He agreed, hopeful but cautious. It seemed far too easy. "I need to know why, so I know it won't come back to haunt me."

"No...no, this isn't a negotiation." A finger jabbed towards his chest, before Dirthamen turned and paced away, giving a shake of his head that sent hair tumbling back into his face as he rounded on him again. "Take your fuckin' bitch and disappear."

Information or not, he wasn't going to put up with that. The anger rose, tempered by good sense. He could make his opinion known without ruining this. If Dirthamen wanted him gone, he could make the pictures disappear. Still...

"That's enough. I didn't let you speak about her like that before, and I won't now." He took a half step forward, and Dirthamen retreated, scowling. "You have to give me something. Yes, I want the pictures to disappear. Yes, I will likely do what you ask, but you're not being clear."

A heavy breath, and his cousin raked fingers back through his hair before reaching for the pocket of his sweatshirt, dragging out a box of cigarettes. He slapped it restlessly against his palm as he moved, agitated. Solas knew all too well what that meant, but in this case wasn't concerned.

Dirthamen destroyed quietly, not like this.

"I'm sick...of this shit. Every fucking time they do this to him, he thinks it's going to be the time he proves himself. What am I supposed to fucking say, Fen?" The cigarettes continued smacking into his palm as he paced, voice cold and emotionless despite the agitated movements. "He's such...such a dumbass, he doesn't fucking get it. She never even gave him a chance, she was never going to."

He was right. Both of them knew it was true. Falon'din never stood a chance. He'd been born to fail, it seemed, spoiled to uselessness and then expected to carry the family on his shoulders.

"I didn't know. I never realized they intended me to be a prop for him. I should have." He admitted, tiredly. "I don't want that, I never did. Now that I know, there's absolutely no way they'll drag me back in."

"Good." The single word, dry and dead, came with the cessation of the restless pacing, eyes staring out at him from under the dangling hair. "Keep it that way. And the pictures will never appear again, no matter what my mom wants. You understand?"

"I understand." He replied cautiously, taking a step back, eyes narrowed. Hope now, but he knew his cousin far too well to believe him so easily. "How do I know this isn't a trap?"

The dead-eyed, exhausted look he received spoke volumes, and the sigh afterwards was just window dressing. Dirthamen rolled his eyes and turned away again, dragging a cigarette out of the pack. 

"You fucking don't. But you will." He promised dryly, shoving the cigarette between his lips. "And it won't have anything to do with you. So choose."

It wasn't a choice. Or, at least, it was one he'd already made. Knowing Dirthamen, this would be something destructive...and he did care, he would never stop caring. That was the worst of it. He could no more turn that off than he could abandon Ellana as Mythal had wanted him to.

But he could choose. His future over his past. The woman he loved over the family that had raised him.

"Very well. I'm gone." He promised, both worried and at peace with it. "I won't be back again. I've made my choice."

It had to do with Mythal, there was no possible way it didn't. A small part of him felt guilt for abandoning her, but she had done all of this to herself. She'd turned them all against each other, hadn't she? Except, it seemed...no one could turn Dirthamen against Falon'din.

"Get the fuck out." Dirthamen suggested tiredly, and then sighed heavily and turned to skulk up the hallway. 

There was the heavy, metallic 'clunk' of a lighter, and then a hiss as his cousin lit up, the acrid smell of smoke burning nostrils as he stalked away. Eventually the darkness swallowed his hunched form, and Solas turned for the entry again.

He'd made his choice. 

The night was more welcoming by far than the darkness of the mansion, as he hurried for his car. There was no lingering, no nostalgia. If this was to be the last time he'd be here, he'd rather not remember himself wallowing in what could have, or should have been. He'd rather just escape.

It was difficult not to speed, as he left. He'd thought it would be harder to leave it all behind, but the knowledge that she was waiting for him made it so much easier. 

She loved him, and he loved her.

He'd found what he came here to find, and had discovered that it could never measure up. It hurt, but...now he had a future to look forward to.


	20. Chapter 20

Ellie couldn't even look at Anders when she'd gotten to work. She knew, on some level, that being pissed at him was stupid. It'd been her sister's choice, her sister's mistake, but damn it, he really should have known better. She'd re-read it on the walk to work with Bull, and they'd both agreed that it was him all over. Nobody else could have written that stupid manifesto.

When his greeting was ignored, he'd given her an odd look, but she couldn't be bothered to explain or even return it. What could she say? She had to worry about dealing with Mira. Anders wasn't her responsibility, and she couldn't even begin...to figure out what she needed to say to him.

She was hurt. They were friends, and she was hurt, because he'd gone behind her back and gotten Mira all excited about this shit. Hyped her up and then let her fall. Her little sister trusted him, and he'd helped her put her entire future in jeopardy.

What could really be said to fix that?

Luckily, or maybe unluckily, she didn't have to explain why she was pissed because while she was clocking in,she could hear the door being slammed open. The rattle of the glass and the sound of the newspaper display falling over was almost amusingly contrasted by the happy little door chime.

_Ding dong._

"Marian, what the...?"

Anders' confusion was cut off by a sudden crash, change tumbling noisily to the floor. Ellie stepped out of the back hall just in time to watch Hawke drag him halfway over the counter by the front of his shirt, fist already pulled back.

The impact was loud, nasty, and it sent his head reeling to the side as she released him. Clenching and unclenching her hand, shaking it lightly, Marian turned away as Anders slid the rest of the way off the counter and landed in a heap on the ground, his yelp turned to a groan of pain.

"You fuckin' stupid shit!" Hawke cursed loudly, uninjured hand lifting to rake through her hair as she prowled. She moved restlessly like an animal, biceps clenching as she flexed her hands. "Stupid, stupid ASS! How many people have to go to jail for you?! How many, Anders?"

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" He shouted back, and Ellie quietly busied herself setting up her drawer, pulling out his to count it down for him. Someone might as well.

She was relieved she didn't have to handle this part of things, quietly fixing things up while Marian snarled at Anders. It was nice to feel in control, to be able to just cope again. Clean up while the world fell around her. That's really where she was at home, not facing her own bullshit. Somehow Marian had gotten the full story, it sounded like.

Bull, probably. Knew she was the best person to handle him.

It wasn't a fun story to hear someone else tell, but she didn't really feel like saying it herself. She'd told it, what? Three times today already? A few times Anders looked her way, hand still over his eye, but she ignored him. Once the drawers were handled, she dug out a few bucks for a bag of ice and started making ice packs while Hawke shouted. It felt good to be useful.

Eventually she found some towels bundled up in the back of the cleaning cabinet, and wandered back out to the front. Ice in the towel, tie it up, wander on over to drop it into Anders' lap. He mumbled thanks, and then winced as Hawke shouted again.

Ellie didn't answer.

 

 

 

The yelling was over, and now sullen silence reigned in the store, Anders sitting with his back to a cooler, ice held over his eye. Marian was slumped against the wall opposite him, staring him down angrily, eyes narrow and hard. Ellie finished the second ice pack, and wandered over to hand it to her. Hawke snatched it with a small nod, and then wrapped it around her bruised fist.

"You're lucky I didn't bring Fenris. Do you know what he'd do to you?" She finally told him, every word clipped and cold. "For fuck's sake, Anders, how many people have to go to jail for your fuckups?"

"I had absolutely no idea things would go like this, you can't possibly blame me!" He protested raggedly, and then winced, hissing out a breath between his teeth. "Marian, how many times do I have to apologize?"

"If Mira ends up in jail? Never enough." Marian replied angrily, fingers clenching around the ice pack. "Do you know how upset Beth is? You know how close they are. She said she thought you had changed. You sure showed her."

"It wasn't me!" Anders protested, and then shrank under their cold stares. "Okay, yes, I wrote the release, but it wasn't me that told her to do this. She asked for my help and I helped. The idea didn't come from me, I...I introduced her to an old friend, that's all."

"Justice. You fucker. You said you weren't talking to him any more! You said you were done with that internet vigilante bullshit!" Marian snarled, and he scowled at her, pressing the ice a little harder against his eye. "For all you know, he sold you out the first time! He's just some twerp behind a computer on a power trip! Why would you trust him?"

"I would listen to Marian, she didn't have to take the fall for you before. Why would you think you could trust him? You know somebody leaked that stuff before, that's how you got caught." Ellie pointed out, interjecting. She still felt rather calm, but probably would be pissed later. "I mean, she's right. How do you know he didn't sell you out? How do you know he didn't sell Mira out? How could you trust my sister with him?"

"Ellie, I..." Anders started, forlornly, meeting her gaze. After a few seconds he glanced to Hawke, and then finally let his eyes drop. "He's my friend. Mira needed someone to help her, all I did was introduce them."

"Anders, we...we've worked through a lot of shit. I mean...I thought we had. But you just...you just went and _fucked_ everything up again!" Marian seemed to be winding up for another shout, but she pushed it back, pushed it down, shaking her head violently. "I just...shit, man. You'd better pray to the damn Maker that Solas can make this go away."

"This is his fault, though, isn't it really? If it weren't for him..." Anders started, and then wisely shut up as he turned his gaze to Ellie and noticed her expression.

"Don't ever finish that thought. _Ever_." She suggested warily, and then sighed and turned for the counter. "I'm going to call and check in on him. Don't you dare text my sister about any of this, it's my job to deal with her."

She really needed to call Mira now, before too much of this got back to her and convinced her not to pick up the phone or something. But first she just needed a little more courage. Hearing his voice would help a lot, she knew that much. She was just so damn tired. Tired and sick and...hurt.

 

 

 

For some reason Anders hadn't felt like sticking around. Shocking. She was actually sort of pleased he realized it was time to slink off, that she wasn't in any mood to hear an apology. Marian was still hanging around the shop, lurking in her particular Hawkish way, which she was grateful for. She had a feeling they'd worked out a babysitting schedule, and right now she was just mentally exhausted enough to acknowledge that she was glad not to be alone.

At least this time she hadn't thrown up, though the ringing of the phone in her ear was making her reconsider the safety of her stomach's contents. Which was only a granola bar at this point, to be quite honest.

"Hi, Ellie! Awfully late to be calling me." The voice was too quick, too cheerful. "I got some really weird texts from Bethany, is something going on?"

"Tell me, Mira. What would happen, if you ended up in jail? Or even if you got taken to court and for some reason got off." Ellie replied, and then continued talking, right over the faint 'uh'. "You would lose your clan status, wouldn't you? You'd never get your Vallaslin, no way in hell. You'd lose all your scholarships, that's for sure, so no way in hell you'd be going to college."

"Ellie, I..."

"I mean, and you can't keep the caravan working at the makeup counter or if you're in prison, right? So I guess you'd end up homeless, too, wouldn't you?"

"But how did you find..."

"And I'd have to go home, I'd have to give up my friends, my job, my art, probably. I mean, I have no idea how to handle clan administration, so I'd literally have to spend all my time working on that, wouldn't I?!" She was shouting, which she'd become aware of when Hawke flinched out of the corner of her vision. Forcing her voice down quieter, she repeated, "I don't know how long it'd take to find someone to replace you, after all. You swore up and down to me that it was what you wanted, after all, to be First. That's why my name is still on all the paperwork, isn't it?"

"Yes, Ellie." Mira replied quietly.

"Gosh, you really lived up to that responsibility, didn't you? I'd have to spend your college fund getting you a lawyer, because I'm your sister and I love you. I love you and you didn't stop..." There went her voice again, but honestly, this time she didn't care. "You didn't STOP and THINK about anyone but yourself! You've got a cause, that's great. You care, that's great. You fucking _stay inside the law_."

"Oh yeah, because they can break the law and do whatever they want because they have money." Spite for a moment overwhelmed fear, but she could hear the plaintive note in Mira's voice despite it.

Scared, and lashing back at someone else because of it. That was her sister all over. Sometimes it was like talking to mom. Anger, hurt, her own fear, none of that really had a place now. Just the frustration that made her want to reach through the phone and shake the _shit_ out of her stupid brilliant baby sister.

"EXACTLY!" She snapped, overwhelming the protest on the other end of the phone with sheer volume. "Because they have money! Because that's the way the fucking world works! That's the way it always has worked, and that's the way it will always work, and it's unfair, Mira. It's unfair and it sucks and it's LIFE."

"So why shouldn't we fight back? Why shouldn't we? They deserved it, every bit of it." Mira replied angrily, desperately looking for a way to justify it.

 

"You didn't fight back. You didn't fucking fight back, you made yourself into a criminal. Do you really think the people in power are scared of you because you acted like a shitty little thug? The people you hurt with shit like that are NEVER the ones at the top!" For a second she was tempted to throw her phone, fingers clenching around it as she turned around and paced away from the counter. "It was just you, all that time, wasn't it? Alone, shouting, and no one ever listened. You've been working so hard, and nobody cared, did they?"

"Nobody ever showed to the protests, nobody listened, no matter how hard I worked. And then they wouldn't even let me talk any more, Ellie!" Mira supplied weakly, just confirming all of her suspicions. "But Anders' friend found all those documents, and...and I..."

"Suddenly a whole bunch of people cared, didn't they? All these shiny new friends on the internet that cared. Wanted to _do_ things, right? Make the bad guys pay. Well, congrats. You got people to listen." She snapped, and the little forlorn noise her sister made hurt, but it couldn't stop her now. "You'd better fucking tell me the truth. Was it your idea to meet there? Your idea to smash shit up, make a scene?"

"No! No, someone said...someone said they knew there wouldn't be security there that night." She could hear her sister's voice going feeble, as if realizing how bad her story sounded. "They lived in the area...they said everyone should...meet up, and of course I was going to go. They said I was in charge, because _I'd_ found the documents, so of course I had to...go...and then everyone was doing it, and I..."

"You were set up. Pictures. Mira, I have pictures. Do you want to know who gave them to me?" She asked, calmly, not waiting for an answer. "Solas' aunt. She used them to blackmail me. I didn't want to tell you that. You know, I was going to have this whole conversation and hide the fucking consequences from you because they happened to me. Because I wanted to protect you. Because I have ALWAYS wanted to protect you."

"So this is all _his_ fault!"

"This is your. Fucking. Fault _._ " She snarled back, anger seething back again, overwhelming everything else. "Take some fucking responsibility like an adult RIGHT now or I swear to the fucking creators I will cut you off. Do you understand? I will be done with you. I'll pay you for half of the caravan and then you will not see another cent from me. You will not hear another word from me."

"Seriously? Over some guy?" There were tears in Mira's voice now, but she couldn't let it break her. "All of this, over some stupid jerk that's screwed us over before!"

"No! This is about you throwing away the future I...we have worked so hard for..." She was still furious, rage boiling, but now the tears were coming. Dammit. She couldn't get through a single fight without bursting into tears. "This is about how _hard_ I have worked. Damn it Mira, I love you so much, and you just don't give a shit, do you? You just stomp all over everything I do. I'm not even allowed to be _happy_."

"Ellie...Ellie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean...Ellie, I'm so sorry." The reply was instantaneous, panicked. "I do care, I swear, I do. You know that I do!"

"This isn't a fucking guilt trip!" She snapped back, lifting a hand to wipe her eyes. "Damn it, Mira. How did I do things so wrong? I've worked so hard to not let you feel bad, and all I was doing was screwing it up. I wanted to do everything I've ever done for you, you know that, right?"

"Y-yes..." Her sister quavered, and then inhaled sharply. "Y-you tell me that every time I..."

"I have done everything because I wanted to, yes. But that doesn't mean it hasn't been hard! That doesn't mean I haven't struggled, I haven't fucking fought!" This all hurt, once she got past the anger and frustration. She'd spent so long protecting her, it just felt _wrong_ to do this. "Do you not understand? You made these choices. Stop pointing fingers! I get it, it feels shitty to admit you fucked up, but you can't fix ANYTHING unless you do!"

"I just wanted someone to _listen_!" Mira sobbed, finally bursting into tears in earnest, mangling her words. "I just wanted someone to listen for once...and...and I never thought I'd get a chance again, and...I'm sorry, Ellie, I'm so sorry! Please, I don't want to go to jail, I don't..."

And there it went, all the frustration and anger drained away, leaving behind a surge of protectiveness. She couldn't let it, though, she couldn't fold now. She wanted to, more than anything, but that wasn't helping.

Mira was an adult now.

"Solas is doing everything he can to stop this. If anyone can do it, it's him. He's doing it for you. And for me. You can't even possibly understand how difficult this all is for him, and he's doing it for us. And you've treated him like shit." She kept her voice calm, blunt. "He made a mistake, when he was younger, yeah. And he changed. He became a better person, but you weren't willing to listen. But let me tell you something, Mira..."

It was hard to keep going, listening to her sister sniffle miserably on the other side of the phone, but she forced herself onward, relentlessly.

 

"He would never. Ever. Treat you the way that you have treated him, even though he is furious with what happened to me. He would never treat you with the complete lack of understanding you have shown to him." The sniffing was quieter, and she was grateful for that, because it made it easier to push past her own tears. "He is a good man, Mira. He's a good person. I love you, and he loves me. And...and somehow, though I'm completely fucked up, I love him too, so please understand that when I say..."

The emotion she was running on was wearing out, leaving her exhausted, spent. Why did this shit always happen on the last day of her week?

"You will show him some fucking _respect_ from now on, for trying to do this for you. You don't have to like him, but I promised him that we were in this together for however long it lasts, and that means I will not let you disrespect him. Do you understand?" She finished it wearily, with a long sigh, lifting a hand to her forehead, massaging in slow circles. "You had better say you understand, because I seriously can't take much more."

"I understand." Mira agreed, and while it bugged her how cowed she sounded, honestly, she'd deserved all of that. "I'm not...shit, Ellie. I...I didn't understand what all was going on, I didn't..."

"I know. It's a shit situation. I need to work. I'll call you as soon as Solas gets in, let you know how it went. Try not to think about worst case scenarios right now, we'll tackle it later." She replied tiredly, dropping her hand, leaning against the counter. "You fucked up. It's done, it's been done. What matters now is what you do next."

"Okay." Mira replied in a small voice, and then added, "I love you, Ellie. I'm sorry."

"I love you too, Mir. Try to get some rest." She replied, not feeling quite up for the word 'forgive' yet. Too early to tell if anything would actually change. She knew her sister too well to assume that it would. "Bye."

Hanging up the phone, feeling the last dregs of energy leaving her, she stared at it until a bottle thumped on the counter in front of her. Glancing up, she met Marian's eyes, smiling with a faint hint of chagrin.

"You sure you don't want to trade me for Bethany?" She asked weakly, and then pushed up to take the cash from her hand, turning for the register.

"You did really good, El. She'll be okay if she gets her head out of her ass. Drink's for you." Marian replied, grinning at her lopsided smile. "Krem's gonna be by in a couple minutes, then I'll head home and be grateful for a while that Carver isn't eighteen any more."

"Thank you. Was...was he pretty bad?" She asked, grateful as always for Marian's effortless way of pushing past awkwardness. Sliding her change back across the counter, she reached for the soda and cracked it open.

"Oh man, you have no idea. This one time..." Marian started, turning away with an expansive gesture, voice cheerful. "So you remember when Varric dragged me to that thing for his brother? When he needed me to survey a piece of land they'd bought. Anyways. So mom says I should drag Carver along, it'll be good for him, he's been so moody lately. Of course he was moody, it's _Carver_ for fuck's sake!"

As Hawke chattered easily, Ellie let herself lapse into comfortable silence, trying not to let her mind dwell. It was hard. She still felt at the edge of tears, honestly, and now that she'd handled Mira, the nerves were back. Every time she put her phone in her pocket, three seconds later she'd pull it out again, hopefully.

It was getting to the point where she was starting to feel phantom vibrations. Knowing him, though, he'd rush back over when it was done instead of calling her. All she could do was hope it'd be soon.

 

 

 

 

She probably still looked like a mess an hour later when the door chimed and she glanced up from the counter, grateful to see it was him at last. Solas looked pretty rough himself, but lighter than she likely did. Their eyes met, and he offered a slow, worried smile, hurriedly bridging the distance.

"Well...looks like my shift's up." Krem remarked lazily, pushing off the wall and waving. "Thanks for the drink, Ellie. Give a ring if there's any trouble."

"Night Krem. Thanks for hanging out with me." She replied quietly, as Solas nodded aside and murmured thanks. As the door rang out again, they turned back to each other, and she leaned over the counter as he extended a hand, her eyes searching his. "Tell me it's okay."

Anything to settle her stomach, to make sure this was over. It had to be over. Mira needed to be safe. She wanted to hug him, hide, but she had to know first.

"I am as sure as I think I can possibly be that she is safe." He assured, taking her hand in his and lifting it for a small, careful kiss. "Dirthamen texted me on my way back to tell me that the pictures are gone."

Dirthamen? Why didn't that make her feel better? The dubious expression must have been pretty plain on her face, because he smiled wryly and shook his head.

"It is complicated, my heart. I cannot say it's likely reassuring that the protest was just a convenient trap, and not orchestrated wholly to ensnare your sister, but it's true. I had my suspicions based on the names on the emails and documents. It's very likely something complicated having to do with the board. That's certainly Mythal's style." He told her, releasing her hand as she scooted around the counter. "Not that I was told so straight out, but Mythal avoided answering, which means the situation is complicated. Complicated enough that in order to untangle it, I'd have to involve myself in some manner."

"So because she didn't tell you that she did it to fuck over my sister, you somehow know that it wasn't?" She asked dubiously, not feeling relieved at all. "And because Dirthamen told you that the pictures are gone, you trust that they are. I understand not wanting to get sucked in, this just sounds so...vague and subterfugey."

No, she definitely wasn't feeling better. Still, she let him catch her by the elbow and pull her in, all while maintaining the skeptical expression. Being close to him did help, but it didn't undo the puzzle in her brain.

"I believe Dirthamen because he wants me gone. I understand and believe why he wants me gone, because the only thing he cares about is Falon'din." His arms slid around her as he pulled her in close, voice comfortingly low. "That has always been true, and likely will never change. Mythal, and possibly my uncle as well want me back in line so I can...prop him up so he can be a good figurehead. Because apparently the parentage of a person matters more than if they can do the job or not."

"And I take it that Dirthamen and Falon'din don't want that. I guess that makes sense." She supplied, and then sighed and rubbed her forehead when he nodded. "Okay, so I think I get that part. They want you to go away and not come back, so he's bribing you. But what about the part with your aunt?"

"She wanted me back, but no longer seems to trust me." He admitted, and the brief tightening of his features pushed back her annoyance, a hand lifting to cup his cheek. "And, unfortunately...that means I cannot trust her. Trying to understand it completely would take me to places I have no desire to go back to."  
He managed a small smile and tucked his hand over hers reassuringly, thumb stroking across her knuckles. Frowning, she curved her hand around his. She was supposed to be helping him, not the other way around.

"So she wouldn't tell you anything. That's rough. I mean..." For a second she was conflicted, that anger, frustration back again. It was hard to be sympathetic and mad at the same time. "I'm really not a fan of her right now, but it sucks that you're hurt over her. I know you thought she had your back. I'm sorry."

"You amaze me." He laughed, and she squinted, expression turning puzzled as he briefly kissed her palm. "The woman threatened you, destroyed your home, blackmailed you, endangered your sister, and you're...'not a fan'?"

"You love her. That has to mean something." She replied, a little ruefully, almost embarrassed. When he put it that way, it did sound kind of dumb. "Besides, she's just a person like everyone else, in the end. It is shitty, and I think it's shitty that she treats people like things, but nobody's born acting like that. She had to get there somehow."

"I love you so much." He sighed, pulling her in against his chest. Thankfully, because she was starting to get that little hitch of discomfort in her brain again. "You are the kindest, most incredible woman I have ever met in my life, do you know that?"

"Stop it, you're being weird." She protested in a little mumble, hiding a smile against his shirt. Almost too tired to get flustered. "After what did, I don't deserve to hear that. I am not kind. I'm a big old screw up."

"Do you know how many years I have watched Andruil terrify and torment people around her? She has been utterly intolerable for as long as I can remember, and you somehow managed to calm her with a piece of pie, vhenan." Solas chuckled, felt against her ear as she burrowed in, hoping no customers would show for a while. She needed to be in his arms right now.

"To be fair, it's pretty good pie." She murmured, and then smiled as he leaned down to kiss her temple. "Okay, I'm willing to accept all of that, even though it's pretty unsatisfying. It all makes my head hurt with the twistiness, but if you're free and the pictures are going away, I can't ask for much more. You know them better than I do."

"Life doesn't always give us clear answers, I suppose, vhenan. Free..." He replied dubiously, and she glanced up into his face, pulling back and tilting her head to the side. "Nothing, it simply feels strange. I may not care for them, but they have always been my family, and I..."

For a second he just looked so lost, lonely, and it broke something inside of her, a sad little crack. She might have Mira, and the family she'd built up around her, but she knew what it felt like. Sometimes it wasn't enough.

"Free was maybe the wrong word. Just because my mom did a lot of shit that hurt me growing up, and just because she wasn't perfect, doesn't mean I wouldn't do anything for one more day with her." She replied, regretfully, tucking her arms around him again for a hug. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...what's the word. Make your feelings small."

"Minimize." He supplied gently, and then smiled at her 'mhm', smoothing a hand over her hair. "In a way, though, you're right. I...am going to see my lawyer on Monday. I sent him a text earlier."

"What for? Do you think something's going to happen?" She asked as she pulled back, with a sudden surge of worry. Also, her brain was kind of confused that he had a lawyer. Was that something people had just because? "They didn't threaten you, did they?"

"No. No..." He chuckled, stroking his fingers through her hair again as she bristled, scowling. "I am...going to sell the condo back to my aunt. Turn it over completely. I may have to take a hit in taxes, but it will be worth it."

"You're sure, this isn't you trying to placate me, is it?" She asked, frowning as she gazed up into his face, reassured by the shake of his head. After all, he'd been the one who had really seemed guilty about it, it wasn't like it was an incomprehensible sacrifice. "Okay. How long do you have to find a new place?"

"Normally about six to eight weeks, but much less due to there being no negotiations involved." He paused when he caught her expression, and laughed. "No, I am not going to try and move in with you."

"Thank the creators." She sighed, and then scowled again when he laughed. "Oh hush. Okay, well, let's see..."

Her mind started racing, as she went down the list in her head, ignoring his puzzled expression as he tucked her hair behind her ears. She could forgive him a bit of fidgety handsiness, he was still pretty upset. No doubt about that. If it made him feel better to pet and cuddle her, she could live with that.

"Cole." She finally decided, giving a snap of her fingers. "His roommate moved out two months ago and he's said before that he doesn't like living with himself. But he has pets, so if that bothers you..."

"You won't move in with me, but you want me to move in next door." He replied dubiously, and she flashed a small, impish grin. "I don't know, vhenan. I'm unused to living with other people, it might be better if I look on my own."

"Okay, but keep it in mind. He likes you, you like him, it's hard for him to meet people." She replied, trying not to admit out loud that having him next door would be really nice. Why that was better than moving in together, she couldn't quite say, but it was. "It's gonna be lonely without Merrill. I hope my new roommate won't be too much of a pain."

"We will figure it out." He replied, and then paused, smile fading. "We did, didn't we, after all? I just wish you could have trusted me. I still don't understand that, and I feel as if I need to."

The hand on her hair slid down to tuck under her chin as she glanced down and away, avoiding his eyes. Rather than let herself be lured, she pulled back, turning away as the door chimed, and someone wandered into the store. What was she supposed to say? The truth would upset him, she already knew that, but she'd lied enough, it seemed. Stepping back behind the counter, she picked up a pen and fidgeted with it.

"Can we talk about that later, or is that a right now thing?" She asked weakly, and was relieved by his slight smile. "It's been a...really, really long day. I'd rather talk about stuff once we've slept."

"You're right." He agreed, turning away from the counter and crossing to the freezer section. "What will it be, my love?"

"Cookies and cream." She requested, and then added, as she turned to the register, "The internet says it's legal for me to have up to two chickens in the city limits, you know."

"Ah yes. Chickens. Dragons that have lost their ability to kill, but not their propensity for mindless hatred." He mused, making her laugh quietly as she rang out the customer, who seemed more drunk than interested in their conversation. "Excellent choice of a pet. And...before you say as much, should I assume that you plan to keep them in the bathroom?"

"I was actually thinking I could convert some kitchen cabinets into a hutch. Just take off the doors and I'm set, right?" She asked, and then laughed at his ponderous 'ah'. "Free eggs, what could be better than that?"

"Not being murdered in your sleep by animals that never learned that they are no longer the top of the food chain." He replied dryly, pulling open the cooler.

Laughing, feeling a little lighter, she turned back to the register as the customer approached. The smile she offered them felt a bit more genuine than before.

Everything was going to be all right.

 


	21. Chapter 21

There was never any question that he'd go home. Not tonight. Mentally exhausted and feeling beyond fragile, she retreated into the bedroom while he was showering, stripping down to her panties and crawling into bed. She probably should have joined him, but she'd showered before her other shift, and all she wanted now was sleep. The light was off, but she'd switched in a new lamp for the old, broken one. The willow-tree one, casting its patterns across the ceiling.

When he slipped in, towel wrapped around his waist, he paused to gaze at it curiously, eyes tracing across the shadows cast across the ceiling. Eventually he shifted down to the lamp itself, and she watched his face as he examined it, arm tucked under her cheek.

“I like this one.” He confessed, voice comfortingly low. “Was it safe in the closet, vhenan?”

“Mhmm, missed my lamp bin.” She replied, and smiled at the look he gave her. “Thank goodness for small favors, I guess.”

“This is likely the absolute worst time to say so...but I am incredibly fortunate to have found you, and to have you in my life.” He confessed, voice low, and he persisted when she flushed and squirmed down against the pillow. “I love you, Ellana.”

Heaving a long sigh, she reached for the pillow and pulled it over her face, hands pressing down.

“...I love you too.” She grumbled into it, more for his benefit than her own. She damn well knew it, she didn't need to keep saying it. But...he liked to hear it. His hand withdrew from her cheek. “Come to bed?”

“I didn't pack a bag." He confessed, and then chuckled faintly when she flailed out and found the towel, giving it a little yank. "Very well, but I cannot say I am in the mood for..."

"Me either. Feeling about as sexy as a bag of rusty hammers." She admitted, pulling the blanket up for him as he tossed the towel into the basket and slipped in next to her. Still odd, being so close to the floor, but she'd find a bed frame eventually. "Just exhausted, and you're warm and heavy and I like the way you squish me. And I always wake up first, so I can count your shoulder freckles if you don't have a shirt on."

"That's very practical of you." He murmured, reaching over to turn off the lamp as she scooted under his shoulder, letting his arm curl around her waist. "Today there will be no surprises, and no trauma. Just a quiet day to rest and recover."

"Will you make me pancakes?" She asked hopefully, letting out a quiet sigh as he curled around her, holding her just a little tighter than usual. She may have returned the favor for once, arms sliding around his warm, bare back.

"Yes, I will." He promised, and she found herself relieved by the warmth in his voice. "I think you're using my desire to take care of you against me."

"Opposite of against you. It's hard, but...I'll do my best to trust you. We can take a long bath..." She sighed softly as he slid an arm under her neck, cradling her closer, bringing her cheek to his shoulder. "We can do that thing you like..."

"Talking?" He asked, quietly amused. "Yes, I do enjoy that."

"Mhmm, talking. That thing. We can do some of that. In moderation." She felt him chuckle, heavy, aching eyes drifting closed as she melted against him. "And kissing. With less moderation."

"I love you, my heart."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ellie woke up alone Sunday afternoon, and not being smothered to death by an unconscious lump of boyfriend. Unprecedented on any night they'd spent together, on the rare times he'd woken up first, he'd stayed in bed. To be fair, she had been absolutely exhausted last night.

Lured out of sleep by the smell of pancakes, she groaned against the pillow clutched in her arms, rubbing her face back and forth before opening her eyes. Habit had her reaching for her phone first, arm flailing over the side of the bed until she found it. Ugh. Bed frame, night stand. First things she was buying.

Rolling up to her feet, stolen sweater falling from around her waist to mid-thigh, she peered blearily at her phone as she headed for the bedroom door. Lots of messages. A whole bunch from Mira, too. She'd probably have to tackle those at some point, but not now. She'd called Mira last night, and it was her day of rest. Sister stress could wait.

When she wandered out of the bedroom, she became immediately aware that she should have put on pants. Not that she was going to go back and get any, because it was just Merrill, but she should have. She should have known that cooking would have drawn stragglers, but Solas didn't seem to mind, so that was good enough for her. He was doing all the work, after all.

She'd have to make sure to do all the dishes in exchange.

There was a dirty plate at he counter, and she peered at it curiously as she headed over, scooping it up and moving it to the sink to clean it off. At least, she would have, but Solas snagged her around the waist and dragged her in against him after she slipped behind him, leaning down to steal a kiss. He'd already eaten, she could tell. Ew, maple syrup kisses.

"You're disgusting." She informed him as the kiss broke, squinting at the hint of a smile, forcing her own away. "Good morning."

"Good morning, vhenan." He replied, blandly enough that she knew he was hiding the smug. "You missed Cole."

"You two are so awfully sweet, you know." Merrill declared cheerfully, waving a bite of pancake on the end of her fork. "We've stolen your breakfast, Ellie, I hope that's all right."

"I told them several times that I do not mind a bit of extra cooking." Solas informed her as she washed off the plate. "I was already awake, after all."

"I'm sure Cole appreciated it. Pancakes are his favourite. Was he just by to visit?"

"No, well, Cole and I were doing something together, and he'd finished it up last night, so he brought it by." Merrill replied, leaning down for a moment, disappearing behind the counter. When she popped back up again, she tossed a file folder down on the counter.

Curiously, she gazed at it, and then up at her friend, and then over to Solas. She repeated the circuit once, and then realized their stares were pretty expectant.

"Okay, what?" She asked exasperatedly, but with a little smile. "What am I missing?"

"Just open it, silly." Merrill encouraged with a laugh.

Sighing, she obediently reached out for the folder, wondering just what it could be this time. She flipped it open, and a few sheets of paper slid out, familiar handwriting making her stall, and then immediately tear up. She blinked them back, but they spilled anyways, as Solas stepped up beside her and slid an arm around her waist. Fingers carefully spread out the papers, and she took in a shuddering little breath, lifting her free hand to wipe her cheeks.

"Mom's...mom's letters. You...you put them back together for me?" She asked weakly, voice cracking a little. "I don't...that must have taken forever."

"Oh, just like a different sort of puzzle, isn't it? When we finished taping them up, Cole fixed them up in his computer. You've still got the original ones, though they're a bit of a mess, but now you have copies, too!" Merrill replied, meeting her wavering smile with an unflagging one. "You would have done the same and more for anyone else, Ellie, we all know that."

"Thank you." She replied a little brokenly, glancing back down at the papers, wiping her eyes again before she went and dripped on them. "I...I didn't realize how much it hurt me to lose them until I saw them again. Such a dumb thing, just little pieces of paper, but..."

"Hardly a small thing, my heart, and you could hardly be blamed for not thinking of them. It has been a very busy few weeks." Solas murmured reassuringly, and she tilted her head to accept the small, tender brush of his lips before he released her. "Sit down, and I will bring you some food."

"You see how he bullies me?" She murmured to Merrill as she slipped around the counter to hug her friend, letting the tears dry as humor took over to push back the emotion. "This is what you're leaving me to suffer alone."

"That was a joke. I caught that one right away." Merrill replied cheerfully, hugging her back and then releasing her with a pat on the shoulder. "You should see the way you two look at each other. It's adorable."

"Oh shut up." She flustered as Solas coughed, hiding what sounded suspiciously like a chuckle. "I've never been adorable in my life. Slander."

"There's a first time for everything, Ellie." Merrill reached over and gave her a pat on the shoulder as she settled onto a seat, pulling the folder around again. "Cullen will be bringing his truck around tonight. I should be able to fit all my things on it, if I pack up nice and tight. But I'll be round on Wednesday for movies."

"And someone forced me to take Thursday off..." Trailing off, she squinted over at the stove, and then got distracted as her gaze shifted down. Yep. Still liked that butt. Tears were forgotten now. "So umh...I can...hang out till whenever."

"Good!" Merrill turned her stern gaze to Solas, pointing a fork as he approached the counter. It wasn't a very good scowl, but at least she was trying. "Solas..."

"Yes, Merrill?" He replied soberly, as Ellie reached for the plate he handed her, their fingers brushing briefly, luring him in to absently stroke across her cheek before withdrawing.

She wondered if he had any idea how often he did things like that.

"You will take good care of her for me, won't you? She's hopeless." Merrill sighed, plopping her cheek in her hand, lips twisting to the side.

"Hey!" Ellie protested, amusement warring with annoyance. "Watch it!"

"I will do my best." He replied soberly, and she glowered between them as they nodded at one another with earnest solemnity. "Though if we keep this up I may not live to try."

He was still nodding when the bite of pancake hit him in the middle of his forehead, leaving a smear of jam. It was a pretty good shot, if she said so herself.

 

It only seemed fair that they spend an hour or two helping Merrill pack once she'd finished her afternoon breakfast and located pants. Or at least that she do so, but Solas seemed game enough for helping take apart her furniture, which she was grateful for. Hard to take a bed apart without extra hands. He spent a lot of the time listening, as they chattered on about old stories, all nostalgia and wistfulness. They'd been roommates for almost four years now, after all, so there were a lot of them.

Honestly, she'd never been good at relaxing in her downtime, and while she'd replaced her tools, she still had to order some glass, so it wasn't as if she could work on that. Helping pack was just busy enough to make her feel comfortable, and she wanted to get some proper time with Merrill in before she moved out. Not that they'd never see each other again, but, well...

It was the end of an era.

Eventually Mer shooed them out to handle the rest herself, since the truck wasn't coming till that night when Cullen was free. All of the cheer started fading when Solas tucked his hand in her elbow and tugged her towards the bedroom, his expression still relaxed, but more serious. Right. Well, no point in putting it off forever.  
They did need to talk, didn't they?

He opened the door for her, and she wandered away from him to plop down on the edge of the mattress, legs stretching out in front of her. He closed the door and followed, settling down next to her, shoulder to shoulder. She didn't realize she was staring at the floor until he nudged her gently, her gaze lifting to meet a small smile.

"It can't be that dire, can it?" He asked her, and she sighed and lifted her shoulders. "Are you feeling ready for this? It can wait a little while yet."

"No, no. Bandaid." She decided, cutting a hand through the air sharply. "Rip it right off."

She might as well at least pretend to be confident about all of this, even though she was just a big old dumb mess.

"All right...well, there is obviously something that I've been missing." He began, and she frowned, twisting her hands together in her lap. "I thought I had the shape of things well worked out, vhenan, but it seems I've been mistaken. I know this might be difficult to talk about..."

"I don't know..." She started, and then stopped, letting out a long sigh and forcing herself to stop picking at a hangnail. "I...can you give me somewhere to start, please?"

"Somewhere to start. I can try." He agreed, taking a moment thoughtfully staring at the ceiling before continuing. "I suppose I need to understand why you seemed so certain that I wouldn't believe you. You need to explain that to me."

"I don't want to talk about that." She replied instantly, by reflex, rising to her feet and turning away restlessly, nerves making her twitchy. "I know, I know you want to but I..."

"I insist. I have to, love, you know I do. Take your time." Solas replied calmly, and she let out a harsh sigh, fingers flexing into her palms. "This is important, you know that is what we really need to discuss."

Digging her hands under her arms to stop the clawing at herself, she started pacing, frantically cursing both brain and tongue and their inability to work together. She didn't know what to say, she didn't know where to start, everything she couldn't voice knotting together in the pit of her stomach, hidden emotions that needed to be kept away. They had to be kept away, because they were stupid, and they were right, but they would make everyone argue with her, and...

"I don't need you to _disagree_ with me. I don't need you to defend me!" The words came out angry, and she hadn't meant to be angry, but she couldn't look at him now. "I don't need you to tell me I'm wrong, because I'm not wrong, and I'm tired of people trying to tell me that I am!"

"So you believed it, then, when you told me you were nothing?" He asked calmly, and she flinched. "That wasn't only something you said because you were upset?"

She didn't need him to try and comfort her. She didn't want to put him in that position. It wasn't his job to fix her, she didn't need fixing. Turning away, she paced to stare out the window, twisting her hair back from her face with a restless rake of her fingers. It tumbled back again, but she didn't care. She was only moving to try and vent some of this helplessness.

"I...I don't know what you want me to say. You don't want to hear this, you really don't. Nobody really does, you know they don't." She confessed, lifting a hand to wipe her cheeks, brushing away tears she hadn't felt. "It's just...just one of those things you don't say out loud because everyone thinks it means you want them to argue about it. Saying it out loud means you're desperate for...for validation or whatever."

"I need to hear it." His voice was still so calm it made her angry, just for a furious moment, sparking along raw nerves and igniting something in the depths of her stomach.

"You _need_ to hear it? You don't need to hear it! No one does! I don't...I don't...I have completely wasted my entire life! My life is meaningless. Worthless. There, are you _happy_?" She hadn't meant to shout at him, but it was unavoidable now. It wasn't even meant for him, but the stupid voices in her own head. "I have failed...at everything...I have ever done in my life. I was never a good daughter, I was never a good student, I was never good at anything. I'm apparently not even a good sister! I'm...I don't matter. I never have, there's never anything that's been waiting for _me_."

"Do you really believe that?" He asked, not seeming at all phased by her shouting at him. "You have worked so hard for your sister, you really believe you have failed her?"

"I...I don't know. I try, and I try to make things better for her, because it's all I've got. I...I don't care about all the stupid shit I'm supposed to care about." She crossed her arms, but it only made her more restless, dropping them and turning away from the window, but avoiding him. "This whole mess never would have happened if I wasn't so selfish."

Silence for a few seconds, but she knew he was just gathering his thoughts. Part of her just wanted to tell him to shut up, let it go, stop forcing her to talk, but...she'd already caused so many problems. It was hard, and it sucked, and it felt all but impossible, but she had to. She'd nearly ruined everything, and she couldn't lose him again, not because of her stupid broken brain. Finally he spoke again, voice even, low.

"What exactly are you supposed to care about, vhenan?"

The question made her laugh for a second, around the tension jittering through her. It was exasperated, tired, but there was still a bit of humor there. It was all so dumb.

"I don't know. When you say it out loud, it sounds so stupid. You know...job, house, car, doing things the way they're _supposed_ to be done. How everyone _tells_ you it's done." She kept talking, before he could interrupt. "And...and I know it doesn't matter...it doesn't, but when I look at my life...when I look at my life it feels so _worthless_. So selfish. If I was a good sister I would have gone home. If I was a good daughter, I wouldn't have gone to art school. If...if I was a good person, a smart person, a...a worthwhile one, I wouldn't be happy working in a fucking diner and living paycheck to paycheck."

"You sacrifice so much already for your sister. Why do you think you can only be good enough, my love, if you sacrifice everything? Why doesn't your happiness matter?" If he'd sounded like he was pitying her, even a little, she would have been out the door, but he didn't. Not even her paranoid brain could dredge up a hint of it. "Do you think your life only has worth if you do what's expected of you? Do you think your life only has worth if you value other people above yourself?"

The question hurt. It hurt because the answer would hurt him, and she knew it would. The fact that hurting other people bothered her more than upsetting herself just sort of drove the point home, though, didn't it? Lifting a hand and wiping tearstained cheeks again, she wandered back to the window, watching a car splash through dirty, nearly-melted snow.

"I don't matter. I never have, and I never will." She replied quietly, arms clutching tightly around herself, holding on tightly. She could barely breathe, chest tightening as she forced herself to inhale. "What do I have to show for myself? Nothing. Just some broken glass and a wasted life. Because...that's all I deserve. I don't deserve anything, do I?"

"I love you, Ellana, and I don't believe any of that."

He was still so calm, so easy, even though she was just fucking falling apart, and it didn't make sense. It just didn't...it hadn't from the start, and she still couldn't understand it. At all.

"How..." Her voice broke on the word, but it was just one more little crack, another fragment falling. She was already a shattered mess, the words could barely get out. She couldn't breathe. "How can you love me when I can't...I can't even love myself?"

There was a small surge of anger again as he rose to his feet finally, from a small, defensive part that didn't want him to care. It wasn't right to make people feel sorry for her, it was stupid and pointless, and...

She turned around collapsed in against him as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in tight and ignoring the mess that was her face. Despite the anger, she let herself burrow in, breath difficult to inhale, chest shuddering violently. His hand settled on her back, beginning to rub in slow circles, gradually helping to ease some of the painful hyperventilation.

"I can't think of anything to say that you won't try to refute. I could reassure you for hours, my heart, and I don't think it would fix anything. If it could, I would. Forever." He admitted quietly, and she gave a soundless, sobbing laugh that had him shushing her soothingly before he spoke again. "We must not get caught in that cycle. It cannot be healthy for either of us, especially you."

Terror at his words, freezing in her chest as she stilled, a few more tears spilling down her cheeks as she trembled. She felt him sigh, the hand on her back still moving in slow, comforting circles. It helped, and she felt safe enough to accept it, which she supposed was some sort of progress.

"No. No, that isn't what I mean, in no way have I given up on you, I won't abandon you now. I do think...however, that you need to talk to someone that isn't me. Someone professional." His hand tucked under her chin, and she resisted just for a moment before letting herself be drawn up. "I wish I could rescue you from your own mind, vhenan, but I can't. I don't have the tools to help you."

"I'm not one of those people who..." She had to take a second to sniffle, feeling her breath catch awkwardly again, though her chest was less tight. "I hear...what you're saying, I guess I can't see it, but...I mean, if that's what you need me to do I can try, I just don't have the money, so..."

" _We_ will find the money. This is not one of those issues that we can make excuses for. I need you to do this, please." His words were uncommonly final, but the hand on her cheek was gentle, wiping away tears. "I cannot save you, love, no matter how much I want to. But I can help motivate you to get the help you need. I will not abandon you, as long as you try, I will be right by your side."

"There's nothing wrong with me." She replied sullenly, more by rote than anything else, and then sighed as he leaned down to kiss her forehead.

"Is that out of your system now?" He asked, and then chuckled faintly when she nodded and leaned back against him, still exhausted enough that she could accept it. "I admit I didn't realize how hard it was on you, and for you. I had no idea how deeply it ran."

"Well, to be fair, I try not to wear my 'I have no self esteem' shirt around people." She replied sourly, and then wrinkled her nose when he didn't laugh. "Okay, okay, not funny."

"I am not going to put a ban on joking about it, I know it is part of how you process things, but I'd rather they weren't at your expense." He sighed and wrapped his arms tighter around her, letting her tuck her head under his chin. "You've been making jokes at your own expense for too long, my heart, it's not fair to you."

She'd always appreciated that he cared so much about stuff, to be honest, but this all felt like a bit much. Maybe this time all she could do was accept that it was something she had to do. Compromise, right? That's what they all said it was about.

"I don't understand why this is a big deal." She confessed, a little tiredly, "Or why you think it's such a big problem, but I guess I can...whatever. It's a big deal to you."

"Even if you don't quite understand, you have to acknowledge that it has caused problems." He pointed out, and she sighed again, giving a small uncomfortable squirm. "It has, specifically, caused one very large problem, and has led you to not trust me with things I should have known."

"Yes, yes, okay. Okay!" She tried not to snap, well aware she was getting defensive again. Ugh. It was just...so impossible to turn off. "Okay. I'll...I..I don't know. Take one of my weekend checks, okay? I'm not crazy about it, but I really fucked up, and if this is what I have to do, it's...it's..."

When she cut off painfully, he just held her through the awkward stammer that made her chest hurt again, hand returning to her back until she could breathe. When had he gotten so good at this? And why was she upset that she'd forced him to get good at it?

The sudden stab of guilt and recrimination made her all too aware that he was probably right. _Shit._

She was a freaking mess.

"I'd rather you had a more positive attitude about it..." He started, and then sighed as she squinted up at him, teary and blurry still. "I will take what I can get. I know it can be difficult to see that there's a way out when in the midst of it. I do have some familiarity with having trouble finding value in yourself."

"I hate talking." She mumbled, relaxing a little as his hand found the back of her head and massaged against her scalp. "I'm so bad at it. You're so good at it."

"You know what I've said, and what I will always say. All I can ask for is that you try." He assured, voice low and comfortable. "We've made a start. I feel a bit better, though I don't really think that you considering yourself disposable is better than you thinking I am."

"I guess that's the jist of it, isn't it?" She asked weakly, the sharp, unvarnished truth of it striking an unflattering chord. "It's sort of a running theme of my life."

"You are not disposable to me, and you never will be." He lifted both hands, smoothing them over her head, fingers stroking through her hair. "I understand how this all happened, and that is enough for now. Thank you for talking to me about it."

"You're welcome." She replied grudgingly.

Most of the lingering unease was sorted when he leaned down and kissed her, gentle reassurance there that helped her a lot more than the words did. The words were for him, and she guessed they helped, but that wasn't how she dealt with stuff. Her whole life, words had just...made everything worse. Talking was for fighting, throwing fits, being dramatic.

The whole idea of going to some therapist and paying them to be a self-absorbed asshole was weird and pretty repellent. Awkward in the extreme, if she was being mild about it, but it mattered a lot to him, and that mattered to her a whole lot.

She realized, as he tilted his head with a puzzled look that she'd been staring at him, and managed a faint smile, shaking her head. It wasn't something she wanted to say, but she knew how much it would mean to him for her to say it. Even if it came out dumb and incomprehensible.

"I'm kind of weirded out," she started, smiling reassuringly as his expression fell a little, keeping her voice light to try and prevent it from going uncomfortable, "by how much I love you. I don't really know what to do with it, but I guess if talking to some whackjob about what a stupid mess I am somehow shows you even a little how completely and utterly...lost I am over you, then okay, because I sure as hell can't figure out a way to _say_ it."

She must have done something right, which was a relief, because his eyes did that thing where they went uncomfortably soft, and he stroked his knuckles over her cheek, tucking fingers under her chin as she leaned in.

"That was a fairly good start." He replied, with just enough humor to keep her relaxed. "You can continue to practice, I will bear it somehow."

"Mhmm." She murmured dubiously, and then squeaked as he abruptly crouched down and slung an arm behind her knees. "H-hey!"

Her head swam as he scooped her up neatly, eyes closing for a second against the disorientation. It was always slightly embarrassing when he did things like this, even if they made a little part of her all flustered and pleased. Okay, more than pleased. The word 'swoon' might have popped up in her head at some point, which was just dorky as hell.

"You're sneaky." She informed him, as he finished picking her up securely, slipping an arm behind his neck to help support herself. "You always have been. Pretending to be all cold and stiff and shy. You don't fool me any more."

"No?" He asked curiously, barely hiding a faint smile.

"No. Suave motherfucker." She groused, biting back her own smile as he laughed and turned, heading for the door as she tucked her head against his shoulder. "Where are we going?"

"Bath. And then, regretfully, I have to get some work done. No rest for the wicked, vhenan." The words were murmured against her temple as she scowled, and she could feel him smile. "I won't entice you to stay next to me, but you'll be welcome should you choose."

"Do you need to use my table? Can you work on the couch?" She asked hopefully, smiling again at his nod. "Okay. I'll just flop on you and hunt for roommates on my phone."

"No serial killers, remember? We agreed on that." He pointed out, and she gave a little scoff under her breath. "Yes. I am very controlling."

"Next thing you're going to tell me is no meth lab." She asked, and when she got a small nod and a smile, felt the last little knot of unease fading away. "Okay. Jeesh, fine. So bossy."

He let her bicker with him until she felt better again, which was nice of him, and then she submitted to being cuddled and fussed over in the bath. It was a lot easier than it had used to be, to put up with that kind of junk. A lot of stuff was, really.

He had a way of doing that to her.

 

 

 

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for your patience. sorry I lost the epilogue. my book is going well- half done, going to be done by my birthday, end of June

It'd been almost four weeks of peace, which was nice. Not perfect, of course not, it was Ellie's life after all.

Not a peep about about the pictures, and Mira was finally starting to relax a little. She'd even called and apologized to Solas. He'd said it was sorta grudging, but it was unprompted, at least, and it showed she was making an effort. She'd even made up with Anders, though Hawke was still seething over all of it. Probably would be for a while, but she always came around. Still, if anyone had a right to be angry at Anders, it was Marian Hawke. 

The whole mess seemed 'over', except completely unresolved, which made her nervous at times. Dead silence from Solas' family, apart from a couple Andruil visits to the diner. Which were mostly just her eating pie and complaining. Ellie was fine with that. The rest of his family, though?

"Screw 'em, that's what I say, Dave." She informed the very handsome brown rat sitting on her knee eating a peanut, and he paused to stare at her, eyes bright. "Nothing, nothing, little dude. Go back to your snack."

Dave the rat went back to his peanut, and she returned to her phone, listening to the chaos going on in the hallway. Pet-sitting was better than moving, in her opinion, and after she dropped a box on her foot she'd been kicked out of helping anyways. The apartment had been feeling awfully empty lately, but at least now she'd have a new neighbor, until she found a roommate that wasn't crazy, lazy, unemployed, or straight out creepy. She hadn't been having much luck. Wasn't a strain on the bank account yet, but that was only because Mister Rainier was nice. She had a couple weeks, then she'd just have to go for whatever weirdo rolled in through the door.

"Are David and Eloise all right?" Cole asked from the doorway, and she peeked over the back of the couch.

"Yep! Lil' Ellie is sleeping in her carrier, Dave is hanging out with me. It's plenty quiet in here, your guys' banging around hasn't bothered them." She assured, and then tilted her head. "Figuring out where everything goes okay?"

"He has a lot of books." Cole replied musingly, glancing over his shoulder, "I think so. It will be nice not to be alone."

"And he'll for sure be better than your last roommate." She agreed cheerfully, and then waved as Cullen passed by in the hallway, carrying a box. "Hey, bud! There's beer in the fridge!"

"Thank you, Ellie. I'll stop in once the truck is emptied." Cullen greeted, seeming surprisingly relaxed.

She watched him go, Cole's gaze tracking him as well. They shared a glance as he turned back to her, and she shrugged lightly. 

"He seems like he's doing better." Ellie offered, and he nodded. "Well, I won't pry. Glad to see him smile instead of brood all the time."

"Everyone cares, and that helps. Sometimes it just takes time." Cole assured her, and then glanced down as she let the rat climb up to her shoulder. He never wandered far, but she kept a hand close. "Hello, David. You can come home soon."

"Better not to rattle them with all the noise." She agreed, cupping a hand around the rat as he tried to climb off of her shoulder onto the back of the couch. "I'll put him back in his temporary hang out now, though, I've got a present to wrap. Let me know if you guys need any help!"

"You're not allowed, you drop things." Cole reminded her as he headed back out to the hall.

Once she was done sticking her tongue out at his back, she rose to put Dave back in his cage with a fresh peanut. Little Ellie was still sleeping, being a rabbit loaf in the corner of her carrier. Honestly, the dropping things was just more being tired than being clumsy. Not even getting the day off from the diner could make up for a weekend of overnights.

The finished lamp was waiting for her on her worktable, hiding under a cardboard box. Not her best disguise ever, but she'd counted on him being too busy today to notice. Tossing the box to the side, she grabbed a rag out of her toolbox and gave it one last once-over, wiping off a few fingerprints. 

She couldn't say it was her best work of all time, but considering it had survived everything else practically being destroyed, and it was made with love, she was pretty damn proud of it. Setting it down beside the matching scrap butterfly, she ducked down to grab the plain white gift box she'd found that fit it.

A snug fit, with the cord, but the lamp went in easily enough.

"I should have gotten a bow or something." She muttered under her breath, turning it over in her hands, feeling vaguely dissatisfied.

A present should look like a present, after all, but it'd have to be good enough. She wasn't exactly known for her wrapping skills.

"Ellana?" The call came from the living room, and she turned and tucked the box behind her back, hiding it.

"In the bedroom, hon!" She called back, a hint of excitement creeping into her voice. "I've got something for you!"

Ellie was forced to admit, as he came wandering into the bedroom, that vaguely sweaty was a good look for him. Even if he was clothed this time. Hands tucked behind her back still, she wandered closer as he leaned against the doorframe. A deliberate move on his part.

Maybe she hadn't been very subtle with the once-over, but who could blame her? Right now she was seriously considering a no shirts in the apartment rule, but then she'd have to abide by it, too, and that might make company awkward. When he lifted an eyebrow at her sudden thoughtful stall, she shook her head, dodging the first grab he made for her upper arm. No, she wouldn't let herself get dragged in, not yet.

"Hold on, hold on! Are you holding on?" She laughed, covering her nervousness with it. 

"No, but if you would care to come a little closer, I'd be happy to." He replied lazily, reaching out again.

"All right, charmer, that's enough." She retorted, but let his hand catch her by the hip and pull her in, smiling as fingers idly slid up her waist, teasing up the edge of her shirt. She dodged his attempted kiss, but only ended up with his lips brushing against the edge of her jaw. "Stop being in a mood and let me do this. Five minutes. I can't have five minutes?"

"Five minutes barely gives me enough time to get started, vhenan, I was planning to start at the top and work my way down..." He murmured lazily against her neck, but then paused as she nudged brought the box around and nudged it up against his chest. "Hmmh?"

"I'm trying to give you a present." She replied exasperatedly, forcing a frown onto her lips that turned to an impish grin as he pulled back in surprise. "What the heck did you think I meant?"

Not that she didn't know, but it was fun to tease him a little bit. From the look he gave her, he was well aware of what she was doing, even if she was trying her best to play innocent.

"I would answer that, but I think if I did, I would embarrass myself even more than I already have." He admitted, smiling wryly at her brief laugh. "What is the occasion?"

"Nothing, just something I've been working on for a while when I had the time. Just good luck that it survived the big smash up." She replied, not even bothering to hide what it was. It wasn't like he didn't know what sort of things she made. "I finished it last week, but decided to hang onto it and call it a housewarming present."

When he took it from her and started opening the box, she resisted the urge to reach out and do it for him. Ugh, it was only a box, why was he being so slow? Fidgety with anticipation, she noticed the faint smile cast in her direction, fondly exasperated.

"Just open it!" She demanded, scowling as he laughed at her and finally relented, sliding the lamp out of the box. "Ugh, you are the worst."

"I...thank you, vhenan. You made one for me?" He asked, the smile fading as he she took the box from him, his hands cradling the lamp. "When did you find the time, my love?"

"Yeah, not just a spare, I made it for you. I don't know, you liked them, and I wanted to..." She started awkwardly, and then paused to try and start again, nervously. "I've been working on it for a while when I could. I know, it's a little abstract, but the silver and the dark blue, and sort of the...motion...It's, because, you know, the first night..."

Oh hell, she was tripping all over her tongue. It felt dumb, she always felt dumb doing things like this. Explaining art made her feel so pretentious, it's why she liked making things that looked like things, and not things to be interpreted. She wasn't quite brave enough for that, but this was just what had come out of her, so...

"It was snowing." He finished, turning the lamp over carefully, examining each of the panels. "It's beautiful, my heart. Different from your other pieces."

"Yeah, well, sometimes things change." She replied a little awkwardly, and he finally took pity on her and pulled her in for a careful one-armed hug, letting her hide from it all a bit. "Sometimes...a whole lot of things change."  
"Sometimes they do. I will treasure it, vhenan..." He promised, giving her forehead a small kiss, and then pulling back a little. "No, I believe there was something I was trying to do..."

Lips quirking up wryly, she was tilting her chin up to meet his lips when his phone started buzzing insistently. He smiled at her instant pout, turning to set the lamp carefully down on her dresser, sliding out his phone. 

"I told you that the professor might be calling me to..." He reminded her, and she gave a small 'hmh', watching curiously as his expression went flat. "Dirthamen."

"What the hell does he want?" She asked, a little sourly. Trust that little shit to interrupt her well-earned kisses. She'd even managed to not turn into a complete mess. "Besides to be a pain in the ass."

There was a pause, as if he was debating telling her or not, and he finally sighed as he met her narrowed gaze. The glare was just hiding her nervousness, a sickly tendril creeping its way on in.

"Says there's something on television I should see." He replied guardedly, letting himself be tugged as she linked her arm in his and began pulling instantly. "I am not..."

Her stomach had gone nauseous, instantly, but she pushed back the panic. He better not have done something to her sister. She'd fucking lose it, she'd absolutely lose it.

"Didn't he promise?" She interrupted, failing to keep the nervousness out of her voice. "Didn't he promise? Does he keep his promises?"

"Vhenan, calm down, I doubt it has anything to do with your sister." Solas assured her, but he didn't sound much better. 

Cullen was standing at the counter when she dragged Solas out of the bedroom, while he frowned and stared at his phone. She headed right for the television, lips pursing as she crouched down in front of it. Oldish thing, but it worked all right. She was intensely grateful they'd dug it up for her, of course, and replacing it was super low on the list of priorities.

She still had to think about Mira's college fund, after all, and the whole business with not having a roommate was starting to threaten to cut into it.

"Channel eight, love." Solas told her absent-mindedly, sinking down onto the edge of the couch without looking.

"Something wrong?" Cullen asked, leaning against the back of the couch.

"Not quite certain..." Solas began, and then trailed off as she changed the channel, sitting back on her heels and scooting back.

News, it seemed, in the middle of some sort of report, though the fact that the graphic was reading 'Corruption Scandal' in big red letters didn't do much to settle her stomach. The very serious male reporter was droning on earnestly, and she forced herself to listen, forehead furrowing.

"Access to the information released in a two hundred page report released this morning, though officials will not confirm or deny that it is factual. What we do know, however, is that several key members of the board have been taken in for questioning this morning, as well as the CFO." 

"That's...umh...chief financial officer?" She puzzled out, trying to figure out just why they were supposed to care about this. "Who's that?"

"Mythal." Solas replied numbly, confusion seeping through the blankness. "They are saying nothing about my uncle."

They watched in stunned silence for a few more moments, until Solas' phone started ringing insistently. He let it go for a few seconds, and then answered it. Speaker, apparently, because she heard the nasty little snicker as well, coming from behind her.

"What the hell have you done?" Solas' voice was calm, but she so rarely heard him swear that it was shocking all on its own.

"You don't need to know." Dirthamen replied lazily, voice a drawling, dead smoker's rasp.

She turned to watch, eyes briefly meeting Cullen's. She shook her head minutely, and then they both turned their attention to Solas. She was more worried about him than Dirthamen, honestly, eyes fixed on his face.

"So then why inform me?" He inquired quietly, fingers of his free hand tightening on his knee.

She scooted over and pried his fingers off his leg, and his hand twisted up with hers. She cupped her other hand around it as well, tucking her cheek in against his knuckles. Not much comfort, but it was the best she could do at the moment. He managed to give her a brief squeeze, but she could feel the tension in him.

"Don't think it's funny, loser?" Dirthamen replied snidely, and she winced as Solas' hand got uncomfortably tight for a second. "Whatever. Forget your promise, I'll forget mine."

"Is this why you made me promise to stay uninvolved? How long have you been planning this? Is your father involved?" The questions came rapid-fire, and she kept holding his hand securely. "Why take down your mother in the process? I know that you manipulated this, I know these games you play, and I know about the difficulties with the board."

"...Yes or no?" Dirthamen slurred, heaving a long, irritably weary sigh.

Her gaze was fixed on his face, and so Solas' eyes met hers as he glanced down. She tried to just do the supportive thing, but honestly, she was having a hard time. The smile was strained, and she forced herself not to say anything. She didn't really have any right to ask him to say yes, honestly. It was his aunt...but it was her sister.

She didn't have any right to ask him, but if he didn't say yes, she didn't really know what would happen. 

"I already made my decision. I will stay uninvolved." Solas replied, and she tried not to sigh in relief. "How could you do this to your mother, Dirthamen?"

"Maybe she should have thought about being one." Dirthamen replied dryly, voice still a flat monotone. "Don't take calls from dad."

"I have no plans to." Solas agreed, and then the line went dead.

There was a few seconds of silence, all of them absorbing what had just happened. She just focused on holding onto him, ignoring the phone to stare up into his face. Behind them the television was still droning, but it was just noise to her, not anything comprehensible.

"I think you got out just in time." Cullen offered from the counter, voice a little dry. "Sorry for overhearing that."

"Certainly not your fault." Solas replied quietly, hand clinging to hers now as he stared at his phone. "If you'll excuse me, I need to take a shower."

She resisted his attempt to free his hand, until he gave hers a small squeeze and leaned down to kiss the top of her head. With a sigh, she let him extricate himself. He so rarely wanted time alone, she couldn't really deny him it now.

"I will be back when I have finished." He promised her, rising after giving her shoulder a small caress. "I just need a few minutes."

"Sure, honey, I'll be right here." She promised, releasing him as he rose, and turned to leave the apartment. 

Pulling herself up onto the couch, she turned around to rest her chin on the back of it, watching as he wandered out into the hall, staring at his phone. Her lips pursed, and she shifted her gaze sidelong to Cullen, letting out a heavy breath through her nose.

"It'll be all right, Ellie. You heard him, he's made his choice." Cullen assured her, turning his beer over in his hands slowly. "You have nothing to worry about."

"I know, it's just...ugh. I want it to be over." She muttered, and then managed a chagrined smile. "I guess nothing's that easy, huh? Nothing just...goes away."

"No. It really doesn't." Cullen agreed, voice quieting for a moment before he shook his head and glanced up. "But I think it will all work out. Much to my chagrin Monday morning, I have no doubt."

"I'll keep it down." She sighed, and they shared a small smile as he shook his head. "Thanks for helping out today. You going to the barbecue tomorrow afternoon?"

"If I don't Leandra will call me and ask what her daughter did this time." Cullen chuckled, reaching up a hand to rub the back of his neck. "I'll put up with Hawke for an afternoon, I suppose. I don't...do you know if anyone knows sign language? I've watched some videos, but it's a bit much on my own."

"Ummh..." Curiosity put aside so she could wrack her brain, Ellie pursed her lips, resting her chin on her hands. It was a good distraction, at least, keeping her from fretting too much after Solas. "Maybe? Doesn't Bethany know a little? Because she wanted to learn to talk to the girl that owns the book shop, right? Her name is..."

Trailing off, she squinted as Cullen reddened, clearing his throat awkwardly. She stifled a grin, keeping her expression as innocent as she could manage. 

"Evelyn." He supplied, and she gave a faint 'ah' under her breath. "I just...Maker's breath. I just enjoy spending time at the shop, that's all, and I thought I should make the attempt."

"I won't say a word." She promised, cheeks hurting with the effort of keeping her smile away. "But you should try Bethy. I'm sure you can catch her at Leandra's tomorrow."

"Thank you. Now, I'm going to leave before I embarrass myself any more." Cullen told her, and this time she did grin, unable to keep it back any longer. "Oh stop it, Ellie. I'll see you tomorrow. Thank you for the beer."

"You're welcome." She replied pleasantly, lifting a hand in a wave as he trudged off. 

Left alone in the quiet of the apartment, she gazed out at the hall, chin resting on her arm. It was hard not to doze as things went quiet, worried brain really the only thing keeping her eyes open. The television behind her was just droning to itself, quiet enough that it didn't really rouse her out of her reverie. 

She was still kneeling there when Solas returned, not looking too much better. Tilting her cheek into the crook of her arm, she watched him approach. It was hard not to search his face when he lifted his eyes from his phone, the reassuring smile he offered her not doing much to lighten his expression. He might have decided, but it wasn't easy. She'd just sort of have to...accept that it was the case.

As he stepped around the couch, she plopped back down, extending a hand to try and catch his arm. He let her, which meant he was ready for some comfort. That was good.

"C'mere." She demanded, giving him a little tug, pulling him down next to her. "Quiet think time."

Gratefully, he sighed and leaned down over her, burying his face against her shoulder, body half sprawled over hers. She wrapped her arms around him as the couch sagged slightly, holding on tightly. He was heavy, but by now she was used to it, and she knew some quiet time would help. He was thinking, probably getting twisted up in his head, but she couldn't do much about it but hang onto him quietly for now. He didn't want to talk, or he would be talking. She knew that much, he wasn't like her.

She half dozed as he lifted his head to read through the reports on his phone, tired as she always seemed to be lately. Working the extra hours was harder than she thought over a long period of time, but the occasional nap helped. This wasn't a real nap, but a half one, worry and restless boyfriend cuddling dragging her out of actual rest. Her eyes were getting heavy again as he rose to turn off the television, but she tried to blink away sleep, rubbing at her face.

"You can sleep a little, my love." He finally murmured to her, reassuringly, as he returned to tuck himself in next to her and got comfortable again. "You have work overnight, and it's not often you get a Saturday afternoon free. I will be fine, and I'll stay right here."

It wasn't much reassurance, but she was just so damn tired, and he was a warm and anchoring presence, cheek resting against her forehead, arm behind her. She drifted off to the quiet sounds of a video playing on his phone, blurring into vague background noise. There wasn't much she could do to comfort him, but he always said her just being around was enough.

All she could do was hope it was true.

 

When she woke up groggily out of her short nap, he was still on his phone, but looking a little less upset, more resigned. Honestly, she didn't want to know. Maybe that was bad of her, but she had enough going on in her life without spending brainpower trying to figure out what the evil corporate overlords were doing.

Backstabbing each other, apparently. At least they weren't backstabbing someone else.

He felt her shift, but all he did was lean down and kiss her temple, eyes still fixed on the screen in his hand. Faraway. She lifted a hand and wiped her eyes, willing away the last vestiges of sleep.

"Feeling pretty shitty about this?" Her drowsy question seemed to snap him out of his reverie, gaze shifting down to her. "It's okay to be upset, honey."

"Whatever I expected to happen...this was not it. Would you be bothered if I called her lawyer tomorrow? Just so I can put my mind at ease about what is happening." He sounded worried, like she was about to jump down his throat. Or maybe because that's what anyone would expect her to do after the crap Mythal had pulled, but honestly...

This was all just crummy. It wasn't like she was going to start hopping up and down in joy that his aunt was in trouble. It sucked. She never expected him to turn around and hate her. He'd said it before, he didn't think he could forgive her, but that didn't mean he didn't love her.

"Course. That seems like a reasonable way to go about it, as long as you stay out of it. You know her lawyer?" The nod had her nodding back, smiling as he nudged his nose against her. "Sucks, but honestly, if this stuff is all real, even if he like...fabricated it or whatever he does..."

"The law is the law. Even if they think they are above it. We will see what will become of this, I suppose. It does not look good for Mythal." He agreed with a sigh, and then dropped his head against her shoulder tiredly, letting the phone drop to the floor. "Thank you, my love, for being tolerant."

"Didn't we have a one pet name rule?" She teased to try and perk him up a little, smile deepening as she felt him chuckle wearily, breath exhaling against her neck as she reached up to massage the back of his. "Pretty sure we did."

"That was not a pet name, it was a statement of fact, as I have told you before." He contradicted, lifting a hand and tracing under her lower lip as she grinned. "Why is it, vhenan, that we can have such perfect peace and quiet, and then the entire world falls apart all at once? This is not the first time this has happened."

"Not our world. It's happening, but it's not our responsibility, yeah? Also, don't say that, you're going to curse it. I still have work tonight at the store." She groused, tilting her cheek as the wandering finger slid along the curve of her jaw down to her chin. "You say things like that and there's gonna be a giant squid attack or the diner's gonna explode or something."

"Luckily, I don't believe in curses." He replied slowly, finger beckoning her chin up to meet him.

Their eyes met, and she could see him shrug it off, giving her a faint nod as he relaxed, pushing the worry aside. She knew it couldn't have been easy for him to acknowledge that it wasn't his responsibility, but she was grateful he had. 

"Hmmh. Welcome home, neighbor." She murmured lazily, smiling as he kissed the tip of her nose, voice going a little wry. "Don't think this means you get to wander on over whenever you damn well feel like it."

"Yes it does." He contradicted idly, stifling a smile at her irritated huff. "Though I will try to restrain myself unless you have hot water in the morning, and I do not."

"You're...okay with this, right? I mean, it's kind of a big step down for you." She hadn't really thought about it before, but it was true. She didn't want him to be unhappy, after all. "Pretty damn big step down, actually."

"I have everything I need. You needn't worry." He assured her, fingers twisting hair back behind her ear, and then stroking down her neck. "Besides, it will only be for a couple years. Once your sister's college is paid for, and I finally finish school..."

He trailed off as he caught her squint, and then heaved a long, weary sigh, shaking his head at her.

"I told you not to do that." She chided awkwardly, appreciative that he didn't roll his eyes at her or anything. "Too far. Way, way too far."

"Yes, vhenan." He murmured, and she scowled at the slightly sing-song cadence. "Well, you are being slightly ridiculous."

"I am not ridiculous, you're pushy." She retorted, relenting in her sour expression as he nuzzled her neck. "I've given you two months already, let's work on three and just shelve all the 'future' junk, please. Please."

"I was trying to have a conversation, not name children." He pointed out, and then chuckled as her breath caught, eyes widening. She was too busy panicking to be pleased that the laugh sounded genuine. "Deep breaths, vhenan, deep breaths."

"It's not funny." She mumbled, forcing back the little stab of panic, lips pursing sourly as she willed her heart to stop going a mile a minute. "You're mean."

"I am sorry, my heart, it was a joke." He replied penitently, and she gave a small 'hmph' under her breath. "I suppose I am a little more worked up than I thought, just attempting to relieve stress. You know that I like discussing these things. It's comforting for me."

"That's fair, but terrifying the life out of me isn't the way to do it." She grumbled, only half serious at this point. The skittery, nervous feeling was fading, relaxing its hold on her.

Sometimes it was still weird, things between them. She had, technically, given him permission to test her boundaries, it was really the only way things worked. She had to trust him enough to let him in a little more, and he had to know how far he could push her, which was apparently applicable to a lot more stuff than him tying her up in the bedroom now and again.

It just sort of made her wish sometimes that it was over, that he'd be content. Which, he insisted he was, but every now and again she could tell he was thinking way, way too far ahead for her taste. Most of the time he was good enough not to say anything, though. It wasn't exactly a problem in their relationship, though, more just part of it.

He'd gone quiet when she wandered into her own head, idly playing with her hair as she calmed herself again. She managed a smile as his lips brushed her cheek, slowly starting to turn her head to meet him when a loud, frantic pounding came from the front door, making her jolt violently. They stared at each other for a second in surprise, and then she frowned and shifted her gaze aside.

Solas rose smoothly and offered her a hand without complaint or commentary, and she grabbed it and heaved herself out of the couch. A good thing he'd given her the help, because she'd sort of sunk into it with their cuddling. There may have been an Ellie-imprint in the cushions now.

"Who the hell could it be?" She asked bemusedly, over the knocking that still hadn't stopped. "Building on fire or something?"

"That would be an a..." He started, only to stop, dumbfounded, as the door swung open violently under her hand.

Eyes as red as her hair, mascara and eyeliner streaking down her face, Andruil stood in the hall, fist still raised. She stared at them, they stared at her, and then she threw up her arms dramatically.

"Ellana!" She wailed, pathetically, and took a half step forward.

She was still staring, blank and slack-jawed, when Solas abruptly slammed the door, pressing a hand on it as it closed directly in his cousin's face, pitiful expression turning shocked as it bopped her in the nose. It latched closed, and he threw his shoulder against it. 

A small yelp, and then the immediate 'thump' afterwards of a high heel against the thick wood could be faintly heard. Their eyes met, and he silenced her pleadingly with his free hand before she'd gotten more than a syllable out.  
"Sol..."  
"Please no, vhenan. Please. Do not let her get any more attached to you." He begged, desperation in his voice as the door shuddered again, as if someone were ramming against it. "I will buy you a dog. Do you want a dog? A cat? A...anything else? Please."  
"Why does everyone know where I live?" She replied, confusion making her voice a bit hazy. "You don't even like dogs."  
"Some things..." He replied, wincing as the door opened half an inch, slamming into his shoulder, "Are much...much worse."  
The noise shocked her out of her daze, and she sighed and shook her head, forcing herself to focus.  
"Let her in. She might start screaming or something and someone might call the cops." She sighed, reaching for his arm and pulling him gently away. "It's all right, I'm sure I can calm her down. She's obviously upset about some..."

As he relented and dropped his hand from the door it slammed open again, hitting the wall noisily. She barely had time to register what was happening before a blur of bright red hair and tears threw itself at her, pushing Solas out of the way rudely. She was already trying to apologize when his hip hit the corner of the counter, but there was way too much Andruil in the way all of a sudden.

"Ellana!" She wailed, with far too many syllables and a grating whine, "Daddy kicked me out!"

"Elgar'nan kicked you out?" Solas asked, rubbing his hip, and got a teary glare for his trouble, the arms around Ellana's neck tightening. Ack.

"It's all Falon'din's fault! Everything's his fault! Mom got stupid and got caught and now everything's going to hell and daddy called me a leech!" Andruil sobbed, still clinging to her. This was getting awkward, especially considering she kept glaring at Solas between sobs. "He said I should get a jo~ob!"

The last word scaled into more hysterical weeping, and she cast a desperate look aside at Solas, who sighed and stepped over to tug Andruil off of her. The grip got tighter for a moment, and then finally released her, the other woman stepping back and teetering on her stilettos. Eyeliner and mascara was running down her face again. It was a wonder she had any left. 

"You weren't given any notice to vacate? What about your credit cards, your allowance?" Solas asked, and she glared at him again, snuffling frantically until Ellie went to get her a dish towel to wipe her face with. "Are you certain he isn't just trying to teach you a lesson?"

"Yes, you fucking shithead! He kicked out June and Sylaise, too! She doesn't even care, though, she said she's been 'expecting it' or whatever! She already had a house and everything, but she said I can't live with them!" The words practically tripped over each other, all spite and sulking, but the anger trailed off into confusion as Andruil noticed Ellana's dark expression. She sniffled twice, and then asked a bit more meekly, "What?"

"You can be here, but don't call Solas names or I'll boot ya out myself. Dead serious. Truce, right now." She ordered, and finally got a grudging nod. "Okay. So, your dad kicked you out? Jeez, seems like they're really cleaning house. Uh. No offense, Andruil."

"Whatever..." Andruil muttered, lifting a hand to wipe her cheeks. 

"So, like Solas asked, did he cut off your money?" She asked patiently, hoping she wouldn't start with the tears again. "You literally have nothing, or...?"

"I have some cash, but not much! Like...a couple thousand, I think?" Andruil replied, wiping eyeliner on what was probably like a three hundred dollar pair of jeans. Made her wince a little. "And my clothes and stuff...and my car...everything that I could fit in my car, or whatever, but that's it!"

"Technically he has to give you thirty days to vacate." Solas offered, and only got glared at, all squinty and teary. "But of course I understand your father would hardly care about that."

"A few thousand bucks can go a pretty long way, after all, and you can sell some of your clothes, if they're designer stuff..." She trailed off as the glare was turned to her, now, because then Solas was glaring at Andruil for glaring at her, and...ugh. "Andy!"

She really had to snap them out of this before they went at each other.

The single word snapped at her cut her off before she could wind up for a tirade, and the scowl died, a few more tears spilling down her cheeks. Jeez, she looked like a kicked puppy. A kicked puppy with a massive attitude problem and a temper, she reminded herself.

"W-what?" Andruil muttered, giving a little sniffle.

"You gotta suck it up and make do, okay? I've been through this, I get it. There's only three things you gotta worry about, okay?" Ellie waited as the other woman nodded reluctantly, and she held up three fingers. "Food, somewhere to sleep and keep your stuff, and income. That's it. Everything else is extraneous. Okay?"

Andruil nodded again, but even more grudgingly this time. But she wasn't shrieking and freaking out, which was actually sort of weird. It's what she had expected, or plans to crawl back home. 

"Do you wanna go home? Is this just you waiting for your dad to change his mind?" She narrowed her eyes, crossing her arms. "Or do you want to figure out how to actually do this shit? Because right now, all I'm seeing is a spoiled little rich girl who's lucky if she knows how to tie her own damn shoes."

Ellie saw her pulling herself up to take offense, one hand lifting, but she'd figured out before how to do this. Andruil was controllable if you just didn't let her screech you into submission. She met the offended stare straight on, hands going to her hips. The instant Andruil lifted a hand, Solas was on alert, and she had to interrupt before the two of them started going at each other. Nothing would get done if they did. For fuck's sake, this was sort of ridiculous.

Honestly, she wasn't wanting to get clawed in the face, though she was pretty sure she was just planning some bitchy finger-wagging.

"Stop it, Andy, it's the truth, and the sooner you suck it up and accept it, the sooner you can move on!" She snapped, gratified that the redhead immediately backed down, shrinking back a little. "Do you really wanna go home? Go back to dealing with that shit with your brother, with how shitty your dad and mom treat you? Or do you want to figure out how to do this on your own?"

"I..." Andruil looked spooked, and probably a bit overwhelmed, which Ellie didn't blame her for. Still, she rallied pretty quickly. "No, I'm not going back. Fuck him, anyways."

"Okay, then. So you gotta start figuring stuff out. It's just..." Oh, shit, well, this was going to be another explosion, wasn't it? "It's just you, right?"

"Yes. She stayed. I don't even know why he let her stay!" The single word was surprisingly spiteful, but with a little lip quiver at the end. "I can't believe her. I can't believe him. Fucking Falon'din."

Ellie could believe it, but pointing out that the girlfriend who would fuck your brother would probably leave you for him would be fast track to Andruil break-down-ville, and she'd been doing so good. Surprisingly good. Like, maybe actually possible of figuring this shit out good.

Solas was watching like he was observing Ellie disarming a bomb, which she was simultaneously amused and annoyed by. Once again, when she actually straight up told Andruil to stop doing something, it kinda seemed to work. Which meant she was trainable. And might actually be capable of being a functional person, and...

Oh. Shit.

"No." Solas told her, the instant her gaze shifted sidelong towards him, before she'd even managed to open her mouth. "Vhenan, you know I won't try to control what you do, but we've only just gotten out..."

"Andy, I think there's water or juice or soda or something in the fridge, help yourself, okay? You can clean up your face in the bathroom. We need to talk real quick." 

He was already reaching for her arm, and she let him as they headed for her bedroom, leaving a confused, teary Andruil behind. He let go of her as he passed through the door, and she turned and closed it quietly behind herself. 

"I will call Sylaise and reason with her. It makes sense she would have an exit plan, and I am not terribly surprised that it was only Mythal keeping Elgar'nan from...disposing of the children he considered useless." Solas told her, sounding much calmer than she knew he was, because he was talking way too fast. This all had to freak him out, at least a little. "Sylaise will take in Andruil if I reason with her, she is not your burden to bear just because she seems to have latched onto you, love."

"Burden?" Ellie couldn't help the note of disgust in her voice as she turned to face him, even though she knew it wasn't really his fault. Andruil was a huge pain in the ass, and he'd had to grow up with her. But...she was still a person. "Honey. Vhenan, listen to yourself."

Their eyes met for a moment, holding, and then he closed his, letting out a weighted sigh. Extending both hands, she idly rubbed his upper arms, lips twisted to the side, feeling a little fidgety. On the list of Ellie's dumb ideas, this one was up there, but shit...if she turned her back now, what kind of person was she? Who else would help the dummy figure out how to people?

"Poor choice of words, you are right, but...love. My love." He rested both hands on her shoulders, and she resisted the urge to kick him in the shin. He wasn't being condescending, she reminded herself. He never was with her. "Andruil has no life skills, no comprehension of what it takes to make it on her own. She cannot hold down a job, her moods are unstable, she did stalk you at one point and assaulted you, and now you're considering opening your home to her?"

"It sure does sound dumb when you put it that way, but nobody has ever given her a chance." She replied wryly, and he sighed and dropped his head, hands tightening on her shoulders as she tilted her cheek against one. "It's true. You know it, and I know it. Nobody's born knowing that shit, she can learn."

"Let her learn at Sylaise's home. Or if we must, let her go home." He replied, and then sighed again and pulled her into a hug as she crossed her arms, arms enfolding her tightly. "He could simply be making a point. Please."

It was hard not to give in to him, it always was, but she could hear the edge of acceptance in his voice. They were having the argument, but they'd already both worked it out in their heads. They knew how it was going to go, they were just talking through it. She felt kind of bad he knew how much of a pain in the ass she was going to be, but at least it reminded her that she should compromise a little, too.

"She won't learn a darn thing there, you know she won't." She replied against his shoulder, unfolding her arms to return the hug. No point in making him feel bad, she knew he was fighting off the instinctual 'absolutely not' for her, and she had to do her part. "She can't pay rent, she goes. I mean it. At the very worst, you only have to put up with her for a month."

"And I just moved in next door. All the better to keep an eye on things, I suppose." He groaned, and she laughed, tightening the hug. "Why are you so stubbornly optimistic, my love? I did praise that quality in you, and now it has come back to punish me."

"Oh, stop it, grumpy. You're being overdramatic." She chuckled, rolling her eyes as he nuzzled in against her temple affectionately and let out a breath. "I appreciate you not digging in your heels. I don't know. I just...it's dumb, we both know it's dumb, but I need to do this if we can work it out. It is so damn unfair that she was basically born to lose."

"I need rules. I need boundaries. I have no right to tell you what to do or what not to do, but your safety is incredibly important to me, and I need you to acknowledge that." His voice was serious, murmured against her as his arms tightened. "I will not stand by and watch you sacrifice yourself or your safety because of your desire to help her. That is where I draw the line. If she ever hurts you, I do not care how small, it is over. She will be gone."

"Okay, absolutely. Rules. We can do that. Rules are important. I get that. We should probably all talk about them together." She decided, freeing a hand to rub her forehead, clearing out her brain. "You are taking this WAY better than I thought you would, especially after that stuff today. I'm sort of weirded out, honestly."

"Of all the outcomes from what is undoubtedly utter chaos going on over there, this is one of the lesser consequences for us. I am slightly relieved." He admitted, rousing a little humorless laugh from her. He was right. "I knew this was going to happen the instant she said that her father turned her out."

"You knew before I did. Well. I guess that's fair. My brain is a pretty murky place to me most of the time. Am I crazy? Just tell me right now. Is this me being crazy? If you say that it is, I will step back, because I'm not entirely sure."

"You don't know how tempting it is for me to tell you that you are." Solas confessed, and she pulled back to scowl playfully up at him as he finally lifted his head. "I have been...thinking, a great deal, about what you said about Andruil before. About how she has been treated, and my wholly defensible prejudices towards her."

"I like how you sneaked that in. Wholly defensible. I've never denied that you probably saw her do some terrible shit, and that she is an asshole, yes?" She asked, dropping the grumpy facade, and he acknowledged it with a nod. "But if you can give me this chance...give her this chance, I mean, it might be the only one she gets, honey. It might be the only one anyone's ever given her."

"I never thought I would see the day when I had hope for Andruil becoming a functional person and member of society. If I weren't next door, I would never agree to this." He sighed, and then leaned in to kiss her temple, arms releasing her. "For you, my love. I will do this for you, even if I cannot bring myself to do it for her. I still don't believe she deserves your kindness, but I acknowledge that she deserves a chance. Especially after today, sending her back there..."

"Only one. Only one chance, but I'm basically the only person in the whole universe that would give her that, so I have to give it to her." She reassured him, and he nodded slowly, gazing down at her. "And I will listen to you if you think I'm getting in too deep. But seriously, your uncle and aunt basically spent the last however many years carefully crafting the perfect pair of cement shoes for her, and then dropped her in the deep end of the pool and said 'learn to swim'. Or at least your uncle did." 

It was a dumb metaphor, but it was the best she could do on short notice. It seemed to get the point across at least, because she got a hint of a nod, before he shook his head with a wry edge of a smile.

"Mythal never would have let this happen, for all her flaws. Who would think I would be grateful that I was raised much more harshly than my cousins?" He remarked dryly, rousing a grin from her. "I imagine that if it weren't for his brother, Falon'din would be floundering just as much right now."

"They still made their choices, hon. Don't underestimate yourself like that. Okay? So. We just need to go hash out the rules with my new roommate, I guess." She decided, fighting back the feeling that she was in way over her head. "Ugh, I owe you so many blowjobs for this. Why the hell do you put up with me when I do things like this?"

"Because I love you. Because you are kind, forgiving, and empathetic, and I could hardly chide you for sharing that with the world, that would be selfish of me." He laughed and pulled her back in as she scowled and turned away, not fighting the hand on her elbow that reeled her back in. "Even if I didn't know it right away, I am fairly certain you had me ensnared from the first moment I laid eyes on you. You do know that, don't you? I'm a very lucky man that you're braver than I was."

"Sap. I know how hard it's been for you to come around on this stuff, so...thank you. Thank you for trusting me and being willing to change your mind." She murmured, cheeks flooding with heat as he tugged her in to dispel the last of the distance between them. "You know there's better uses for that mouth than embarrassing me."

"I have been trying to kiss you all day." He remarked exasperatedly, frowning as she started laughing. "You were right, I cursed today. I am almost afraid to try again for fear something else will happen."

"I guess I'm just gonna have to be braver than you again. Ugh, my life is so hard." She sighed, giving a slow shake of her head. "Almost makes me miss the stupid tie, though."

"I could go and get it." He offered, taking a half step back, expression so bland that she knew he was on the edge of breaking. "It is just next door..."

He was laughing when she dragged him in by the front of the shirt and shut him up. After a few seconds to make sure he got the point, she even let him return the kiss. She was nice like that.

When they left the bedroom at last to deal with adding their new complication to the family, she took the first of her new butterflies with her. Seemed like as good a time as any to start over again.

New beginnings, or something dumb and symbolic like that. Great, now she was turning into a big old sap, too. He'd infected her with it. Strangely, it didn't bother her all that much.

Love was weird like that.


	23. Epilogue

It was really nice to be able to get the stolen hour here and there. There had been some serious concerns that Solas next door would be…way too much Solas, and she wanted to keep him around, not freak out and run away because he was around all the time. So far, not the case. They talked about as often, and just got to do more every day stuff together, that was all. 

Like spending some time between his school and work together.

When the front door opened not thirty minutes into the movie, she wasn’t surprised. Disappointed, yes, irritated, but not surprised. Rather than let it show on her face, she relaxed against Solas’ side and ignored the vaguely ‘I told you so’ look he was giving her. She subtly nudged his ankle, though, and he laid off, hand giving her hip a little squeeze.

“Didn’t need you after all, Andy?” She asked as Andruil sulked her way towards her room, dragging her massive overpriced purse.

“They fired me, okay?” Andruil replied sharply, preemptively defensive, and then relaxed a little as she raised both eyebrows. "Whatever. I just don’t get it! I thought they wanted me there because they liked my fashion sense! Of course I’m gonna give people advice, isn’t that part of the job?“

"I’m fairly certain all they wanted you to do was sell things.” Solas replied neutrally, idly reaching up to fiddle with Ellie’s hair. "That is generally what they prefer salespeople to do.“

"Whatever, I don’t even care, their stuff was trash anyways. And she did look like a bloated watermelon in the dress.” Andruil sniped defensively, and then did that thing where she turned around and relaxed afterwards. "So, sorry, I’m gonna be late with rent, I guess.“

If she could get Andy to say 'sorry’ at some point without it sounding straight up sarcastic, honestly, she’d consider it a win. Maybe she needed elocution lessons or something. Something to teach her how to order food or say hello without sounding like she’d just been offended by the entire world.

"Okay, I’ll help you pack tomorrow before work. Busy tonight.” Ellie replied absently, forcing herself to stay neutral.

She didn’t want to be, but it was part of the Rules, and she promised Solas she’d follow them. No coddling her. No giving inches, at all. The Rules must be followed. He’d admitted they seemed to be working, though Ellie still needed to get a spray bottle for some of her worse habits. Like how she dealt with girls.

Marian was still confused as to why the first time she met Andruil she spent the entire time glaring. Ellie didn’t have the heart to tell Hawke that was Andy trying to flirt. Without her dad’s money to throw at people, her uh…lack of skills were starting to shine through. Andy wasn’t exactly a diamond in the rough. Maybe more like quartz. Pretty flawed and not as expensive as it wanted to be, but still worth something if she kept polishing.

Ellie was rapidly becoming aware that metaphors were not her strong suit.

“That’s not…I wasn’t…” Andruil started, glancing between them, fretfully gnawing on her lower  
lip. "Fine! FINE! Two pairs of shoes, okay?“

"That should get you through next month.” Ellie agreed, smiling at the kiss planted below her ear, leaning into it. "I’ve got a window to ship tomorrow, so if they sell really quick again, I’ll take them to the post office for you. If you sell three pairs you’d have some money to put in that savings account we opened.“

"That’s very sensible advice, vhenan.” Solas complimented her, and she grinned and peeked over at him, tilting her chin up as he leaned down. "You are as beautiful as you are wise.“

"And you are as handsome as you are good at picking girlfriends.” She replied, probably a bit fatuously if she was being honest.

He bridged the last few inches and kissed her, and she grinned into it as Andruil made a noise of disgust and stomped into her room. Of all the ways the two of them had been antagonizing each other, this one was admittedly her favourite. And the back and forth between them had been getting a lot less bitter, more idly sniping. She could tell the difference, a lot less bile, more sibling bickering.

Not that either of them would be pleased if she pointed it out.

Having not been around each other for a good few years made her think that they just both had to do some adjusting, figure out how to deal with each other. Not that she was an expert, but it helped her stay out of it to look at it that way. They had to figure out their own relationship. She’d happily help with the other stuff, though.

Except the whole Ghilan'nain thing, that was above her pay grade, something she couldn’t help Andy with. The fact that she still ended up sobbing over her a few times a week was heartbreaking, screwed up relationship or no. Poor Andruil. Maybe she was an irritating pain in the ass, but nobody deserved to have their girlfriend of seven freaking years jerking them around like that. She was starting to really dislike that woman, especially because it seemed like every time Andy was starting to pull away at last, all it would take was a single text to break her back down.

Well, dislike her more than she already did. She could feel bad for Andruil at least, which actually made her feel kinda bad for Falon'din, too, because he was probably about as functional. Both douchebags, but Falon'din had Dirthamen looking out for him. So while she might feel a little bad for him, he probably didn’t have much chance of getting better. Andy did.

“You look very contemplative.” 

Snapping out of her reverie, she blinked and glanced sidelong, getting the end of her nose poked. It did what he’d intended, which was make her smile.

“Just thinking. What time is it?” 

“An hour and a half before we need to be leaving for work.” He replied idly, voice musing. "I did finish what I had planned to get finished today this morning at university while you were working.“

"Yeah?” She asked curiously, confusion fading as she took in the deliberately bland expression. "No.“

"I don’t believe I asked anything.” He pointed out, deliberately hiding a smile as she scowled at him.

“You don’t have to ask, I know exactly what’s on your mind, you are filthy. Even if you pretend you aren’t.” She replied, and then added rather pointedly, “Do you really want to risk her walking in on us, again?”

“No.” He denied instantly, and she snickered at the small shudder. "The screaming haunts my dreams.“

"At least she’s knocking more…” She started, still laughing, but it died as he rose from the couch, making her slump slightly from the sudden lack of support. "Where do you think you’re going?“

"I…am going home. Would you care to join me?” The question came with an offered hand, and after a moment’s deliberation, she took it. 

“Yes, but we have…” She started, and then yelped as the rise to her feet turned into being pulled right off of her feet. "Hey!“

The shoulder under her stomach heaved her up as he straightened, and she gave a sigh of annoyance as she flopped forward, staring at the floor from her upside down position. Being slung over his shoulder, while dizzying, was admittedly not that bad. At least not until the condescending little pat on the butt.

"Watch it.” She threatened as he chuckled and started heading for the door. "I mean it.“

"Gladly. It is one of my favourite things to watch, after all.” He agreed, and then laughed again when she mock-growled at him. "Yes, my heart. I know.“

Her eyes fell on the jar as they walked past the kitchen, and she squinted at it. Almost full again. Good. And then he shifted her to open the door, and hair fell over her face. 

"Remind me, I have to go to the bank tomorrow, too.” She ordered him as she raked her hair to the side and out of her eyes.

“You have to go to the bank tomorrow.” He replied dutifully, closing the door as she heaved an irritated sigh. "You are making this attempted seduction much more difficult than it needs to be, vhenan.“

"It’s not exactly difficult to seduce me. You try a lot harder than you need to.” She retorted, closing her eyes for a second as he turned for his door, trying not to get dizzy.

“My love, the day I stop putting in the effort is the day I no longer deserve you.” The serious tone of voice turned amused as she groaned and closed her eyes, grateful that he couldn’t see her. She just knew her ears were bright red again. "Besides, I enjoy embarrassing you.“

"Yeah, yeah.” She groused, and then grudgingly admitted, “I love you too.”

That got her another pat on the butt before he fished out his keys, sorting through them one- handed. She resisted the urge to kick him, mostly because she didn’t want to get dropped.

“You always hear it, even when I don’t quite say it. I wonder that you put up with it for so long.” He mused, unlocking the front door.

“By the time I realized I was dating the biggest sap in the universe, it was already too late for me.” She sighed, shaking her head. "My demise at your hands will hopefully at least serve as a warning to others.“

"Really.”

The flat tone of his voice didn’t worry her, grin spreading across her lips. She shouldn’t, really, but she couldn’t help herself.

“Yeah, I’m gonna make a sign to hang over your door.” She agreed, humor spilling over her words despite her attempt to fight it back. "Abandon all hope, ye who are entered here.“

Halfway over the threshold, he paused, and she felt him sigh heavily, her body swaying atop his shoulder. When she started laughing hysterically, he shook his head, and then kept walking, pulling the door closed behind himself.

"You love her.” He reminded himself exasperatedly, as she kicked her feet against him. "Some days you might have difficulty remembering why...“

That just set her off again, and he turned for his bedroom, tossing his keys on a table as they passed. She was still laughing when he threw her down on the bed, but it didn’t take much effort for him to shut her up. Anyways, she was pretty sure he’d been laughing too, even if he pretended he wasn’t. 

 

The dining room was starting to quiet down, which was nice. They’d actually survived, and she hadn’t been tempted to boot Yvette out on her rear even once. Which was progress. Yvette was sweet, at least, she didn’t mean to be a pain in the butt. She just wasn’t having much fun learning the whole 'this is where money comes from’ thing. 

Which was apparently a bigger problem in the world than she realized. Ellie never thought she’d be grateful for having had to learn that way too young.

"Dorian.” It was annoying when he did this, deliberately ignoring her. Then again, she was being pretty damn annoying herself. "Doooorian.“

Rolling his eyes, he turned his back to her and started stacking glassware behind the bar, and Ellie sighed and glanced to the man slumped in front of a beer, staring at the television.

"Samson, he’s ignoring me.” She complained, and he lifted his hands defensively, shrugging away. “Jeez, fine. You’re no fun either. Dorian!”

“We are not discussing my love life. Get back to work, Lavellan.” Dorian replied sharply, and she gave a long sigh, resting her chin on the bar.

At least she started to, and then thought better of it. Amazing how something that got wiped down so often could still be mysteriously sticky. 

“But you’re part of the family now, Dorian! It’s exciting!” She replied, grinning a little as he turned and stared disapprovingly at her from over his glasses. “You are, just wait. You’ll be having Sunday donuts with us and annoying Cullen in no time!”

“It is a date. That is all, only a date!” Dorian called after her as she turned to wander off. “Lavellan, stop planning my future in your head. I can practically see your few remaining brain cells bouncing off of each other up there.”

“Dorian, your babies will be adorable.” She replied cheekily, and then fled for her life before he  
could throw something at her.

Or worse, reciprocate. She could dish it out, but they all knew she sure as hell couldn’t take it. She’d probably pay for it later, but that was okay. It was break time, she wasn’t gonna waste it playing verbal dodgeball with Dorian, no matter how much fun it was.

Not that she really wanted to take her break, she’d become pretty damn paranoid about leaving Yvette alone in the dining room. She was getting better, she was, but they’d lost more damn plates since she started working than Ellie had broken in all her years working here. At least Dorian could be counted on to keep an eye on her.

Wandering through the kitchen, she put in her order with Dagna and then clocked out, continuing on to peek into the office. A cheerful greeting died on her lips as she cracked open the door, worry immediately taking over. 

She knew that posture all too well, regretfully. Head in his hands, slumped forward in the chair.

“Honey?” She asked worriedly, pulling the door closed behind herself and bridging the distance. 

Solas was already reaching for her by the time she got there, and she let him tug her into his lap and hide his face against her shoulder. He let out a sigh as her arms tucked around him, and then shook his head against her slightly.

“I am all right.” He promised quietly, muffled. "I just finished a call to Vivienne.“

"Aah. Not going well?” She asked quietly, feeling a surge of sympathy. "I’m sorry vhenan. But there are appeals, and…“

"She likely deserves to be in jail.” He admitted, and then sighed again as she lightly massaged the back of his neck, curling herself protectively around him. "But…quite a bit less than her husband, who has abandoned her entirely it seems.“

"Do you wanna go see her? It’s all right if you do.” She suggested, leaning back a little as he pulled up to gaze down at her. "I’m sure Vivienne could set something up, right? I don’t know how it works, if lawyers do that or you call the jail or whatever, but…“

"I don’t think I am ready.” He confessed, and she nodded, resting her forehead against his as he leaned in. "It is just…difficult to hear. You expect it, but to hear it is something else entirely, and the injustice of it all makes me angry.“

"I know. It’s dumb, you’re right, she probably deserves to be in jail, but not for the reason she’s there. I can’t even imagine letting your wife be set up for shit you did and not even say anything.” She’d known it all along, really, that the scumbag head of the family was the worst of a bunch of bad apples. "I always try to…you know, sympathize or whatever, but I can’t even begin to imagine how someone gets how he is.“

"I am…so grateful I escaped when I did.” He sighed, and then tilted his head to kiss her cheek. “I will be fine. No cheesecake necessary this time, I promise.”

“No?” She asked, searching his eyes for a few moments, before a smile pulled up the corner of her mouth. "All right. I’ll believe you.“

The small, chaste kiss he pressed to her lips did a lot to resolve the last of her uncertainty. It was hard not to worry too much when he got so upset, but worrying didn’t really do him any good. She was able to shelve it a lot easier than he did. She shifted as he leaned back in the chair, trying to keep the arm of it from digging too much into her thighs, attention wandering as he continued speaking.

"Do you think you could pick up my suit for me when you go out tomorrow? The rest of my week is fairly occupied.” 

“I uninvited you, don’t you remember?” She replied, already trying to remember where the dumb cleaner’s was. Over by the book shop, she thought. "Just send me a text so I remember, and put the ticket somewhere I can get at.“

"You cannot uninvite me, firstly, it isn’t your wedding, and secondly, my name is on the invitation.” He pointed out, chuckling at the sour face she made.

“Don’t use the 'w’ word. I banned the word. It’s banned.” She demanded, pushing at his shoulder as he pulled her in closer. "Stop it.“

"What precisely will you do, stop in before the ceremony and ask Lyna if she can avoid saying the word 'wedding’ for the entirety of the day?” He asked, and then laughed when she nodded firmly. "Ah, yes, that will go well. Well, I will make sure your eulogy is a good one, my love.“

"Or I could ask her to cancel. Sorry, if you could just not marry the man you’ve been waiting to marry for what, eight years now, because I hate weddings…” She gave a small snort when he laughed again, shaking her head. “Yep, they’ll be fine with that. Are you gonna dance with me?”

Of course, talking about the dumb wedding reminded her of the thing she kept telling herself to talk to him about. She hadn’t managed to do so yet, but she really needed to get around to it. Wasn’t this supposed to be natural by now? It really wasn’t.

“Yes, I am. I am looking forward to it, actually.” He confirmed, and then tilted his head as she fidgeted slightly and glanced away. "It’s easiest when you just come out with it, love.“

"Okay, well…I was talking to Leliana earlier about how…I’m gonna need to take two weeks off at the beginning of summer.” She started, awkwardly. Fuck, this was way harder than it needed to be. "In three months. You know. For Mira’s graduation, and Vallaslin, and then Tamlen and Lyna are having their clan ceremony, too, so…“

"Yes?” He asked patiently, even though she was pretty sure he knew what she was getting at.

“You can come, if you want to.” She blurted out, and then immediately sighed, closed her eyes, and corrected carefully, “I mean I would like it if you came, but I understand if you can’t afford to take the time off.”

“It will take some adjusting, but I think I can manage it. I would love to come, vhenan. Thank you for asking me.” He replied calmly, which she knew was basically for her benefit. "Are you certain it won’t make things awkward with your sister?“

"She has three months to get used to the idea. When was the last time you had a vacation?” She asked, and then grinned at the thoughtful look on his face. "You have no idea, do you?“

"None whatsoever.” He agreed, and then smiled when she started laughing. "Then again, knowing you, I somehow doubt you plan to relax.“

"I have to do some renovations on the caravan.” She admitted impishly, and he gave a faint 'ah’. “But it’ll be quiet, and a proper summer, not the droopy ones we get around here. Quiet because there’s not much to do there, honestly, unless you want to drive into Ostwick.”

“Quiet sounds perfect. Thank you for thinking of me.” This time his voice was much less calm, and quieter as he lifted a hand and tucked it against her cheek.

“Yeah, well…” She murmured, voice a little wry. "I figure you’ll probably still be sticking around.“

"I had planned on it.” He agreed, smiling as she nudged her nose against his. "You should eat your dinner, love.“

"Five minutes?” She asked hopefully, and then grinned as he smiled slowly. "Yeah, I thought you might say yes.“

"You are a terrible influence on me.” He murmured against her lips, as she wrapped the tie around her hand and gave it a little tug. "For which I will always be grateful.“

"You’re doing it again, aren’t you? Saying the L word without saying it. This is what I’ve been telling you all along. You’re sneaky.” She muttered, but grinned as he kissed the corner of her mouth. "But I think I know all your tricks by now.“

"I’ve only just gotten started, I assure you. I am trying to space them out a bit, make them last for a while. A few years, at least.” He murmured wryly, and then laughed quietly as she squirmed and glanced away, lips twisting to the side. "What am I going to do with you, vhenan?“

She thought about answering, but instead she just kissed the hell out of him. 

It seemed to get her point across pretty well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to PrydeofArlathan for the completed document so I could upload the epilogue.


End file.
